the insider
Ever the optimist in this mug’s game
N
OPE, I DID NOT ENDURE ‘DRY JANUARY’ Then again? I did enjoy the time I sat down (for I am no quitter) or set myself to lunch with three players from the Brazil 1970 unattainable resolutions for 2021. If you did World Cup squad; Carlos Alberto, Felix and any or both of these social media-fuelled Jairzinho, as we spent the afternoon picking bullying events then I commend you for being a better our all-time World Cup 11 team. A time when I person than myself. defended my selecting Peter Beardsley in place of The bad news for us is business remains as weak Pele to the death. as the security guards at the Washington Capitol Great memories, like the time I was threatened Building. I even offered to supply cars for the funeral with violence from a Spice Girl and once again of the modern-day legend that is Captain Tom free of from Fred Durst of the band Limp Bizkit. I will Kevin Willis charge, but was politely told they had already made openly admit to being mildly scared and a little arrangements. turned on by one of those threats. So much like a Katie Price fitness video, I can’t even A few years ago I was asked to play the husband/ Everyday problems give it away. Even so, I remain strangely optimistic, and father to a Russian lady at her son’s very posh from the operator’s I’m counting the days to when we are all vaccinated graduation dinner and I even appear, smiling point of view... and free to travel. We have made it through January, awkwardly with my family, in the commemorative well into February, and I’m feeling positive for a return photograph! This might be up there as one of the to better days ahead. We can’t give up now! most excruciating nights of my working life but doesn’t come Searching the corners of our industry to discover what is new out close to claiming the title of the longest. there I came across a piece by the Guild of Professional Chauffeurs That would be a toss-up between the time I worked with a film which has launched an online training module aimed at encouraging crew who were shooting the overnight ‘celebration’ of the Summer people into our industry. Solstice down at Stonehenge, with drunken hippies jumping All worthy stuff, but I must admit that when I first read, then up and down in front of me all night because I was the only one watched the promotional videos, I had a little chuckle to myself. I have wearing a tie. Admittedly, I had nothing else on but the tie after some great mates within the Guild, and I would look to encourage any succumbing to a couple of puffs on a cigarette that smelt of fox’s venture that seeks to improve either the service or standards of our wee, offered to me by a guy who insisted on calling me “tie dude”. trade. But honestly, who would want to become a driver these days? Or it could be the night I slept in my car at the back alley to My promotional video would start with a still of a northern tea cup Ministry of Sound while waiting for the ‘turn’ to stop partying. – that’s a mug down south. Because this is truly a mug’s game. We However, those nights forged great friendships, stories and were worry constantly about where the next job is coming from and we followed by the best cooked breakfasts I have ever tasted. can’t even take a comfort break in case we miss a phone call. We are I have been in Moscow nightclubs where an illegal taxi ride going to wake at least three times a night to check for emails. Handily, through that beautiful, mad city followed and been driven back to this coincides with the fact that the bladder of the more mature man our hotel by a movie star we had just had dinner with in LA. From needs to be emptied on a regular basis. Then, when we are busy, we running (falling) down Coopers Hill in the Cheese Rolling Festival moan about how tired we are with not a moment to ourselves before to being the ‘contender’ in a Man v Food eating race (I went on to complaining that the diary for next week is empty. experience vomiting deep fried Mars Bar not five minutes after). My wife (and business partner) and I once took a holiday to China All great memories. which put us eight hours ahead of the UK, but with clients in New York, I suspect many of you reading this have similar, better stories Los Angeles, India and Moscow we were constantly busy checking and experiences that would never have happened had you chosen drivers, emails and flight numbers. Perhaps leaving the office was not an alternative career path. (Try motoring journalism – Ed) We the right thing to have done! could write them all down and collate them into a book but no one Thank God for the rabid jet lag I suffered, which enabled me to keep would believe half of the stuff said. Send them over if you dare! on top of things, although I confess this also meant I slept through the Being a chauffeur can put you in places you probably don’t coach tour of Wuhan which, back then, was only known for having lots belong. We meet the super-rich, ultra-famous, inspirational and of bicycles and a whacking big coach station. downright annoying. We drive, we advise, we work and play always Throughout our business life we have had to cancel more restaurant knowing when to back away and shut up. So, I do wish the GoPC bookings than we made because when a job overruns, it overruns! We every success in bringing through new talent and raising the have never, ever, gone to the theatre without running, sweating and standards of the next generation of chauffeurs. apologising profusely to others in our row for being late. Some of the attributes that make a successful chauffeur, Any earnings you create in the good months then get dissipated by I believe, cannot be taught, but if you are given the basics the slow months, or there is a car to be serviced, a tyre to change or of what is expected of you then the rest will only come test to sit. VAT payments seem like a constant battle and the only time through the experience of doing the job. Check out www. I feel loved is when HMRC remind me to pay what I owe, four months guildofprofessionalchauffeurs.co.uk for more information. before it is due. Kevin Willis has no involvement with the Guild of Professional Add to the fact that when the pandemic hit, Rishi Sunak Chauffeurs, nor has he ever taken any illegal substances while completely ignored us, and supported everyone in the ‘hospitality’ working. industry except the poor sods who move all those business people n Kevin Willis runs Chirton Grange, and tourists around the UK. And for what? To earn the same hourly contact@chirtongrange.co.uk rate I did twenty years ago!
FEBRUARY 2021
35
