A Dystopian Utopia

Iam sure I am not alone In allowIng a wry smile to cross my face when I heard this supremely ironic piece of news.

Britain’s largest ride-hailing company spent its time at the Tory Party Conference last week, telling anyone who would listen how virtuous they were, paying £25 per hour to drivers and offering pensions and other benefits as their standard fayre.

Meanwhile said company’s drivers were planning a strike on October 7. Uber has also taken to repeatedly urging others through the broadsheet press to follow their model of worker status and union recognition. Frankly I don’t give two figs what they do, say or urge people to do but I do wish to look at why worker status and benefits are never going to fly in this industry.

SQUARE PEGS AND ROUND HOLES

A leader of one of the biggest trade associations once said to me: “This trade is full of square pegs.” It was not meant as an insult, just an accurate description of why many people end up in this industry. The more I have thought about this statement over the years, the more I agree.

If people in the industry wanted jobs they would have gone and got one. The decision is not about intelligence, it is about aptitude, fulfilment, personal choice and aspiration. Being at a particular place at a particular time is not for everyone.

Knowing what you will earn each month has its benefits but without fear where is the fun? Working hard when you want/need to and relaxing, following a hobby or just slobbing out when you don’t appeals to many. Then there are those that fit caring, education, religion, studying and a million and one other things around work. Fitting life around work isn’t everyone’s desired state. No one (a few PAYE drivers aside) I would suggest joined this industry expecting to be treated like an employee and if they did, they were mistaken.

BUT IS IT RIGHT?

The tub-thumpers, rabble-rousers and idealists may believe that everyone should be treated ‘fairly’, but that is where the wheels come off. Many, perhaps most, drivers expect fairness; a straight box/plot, decent rates, being paid on time and being safe on the streets. But they don’t expect that each of the drivers in their firm gets the same.

No, this is a grittier profession than that – I want more than the rest not the same! I want to see myself as luckier, smarter and a whole lot more streetwise and reap the rewards. I want to work out which hours are best for me. What areas are the most lucrative and how I can turn a short job into a long one. This industry was built on those aspirations. it became successful on those aspirations and it ain’t going to change anytime soon!

SILICON VALLEY IS NOT THE FONT OF ALL WISDOM

The big mistake people always make when they come into this industry is to assume after two days that they know it all. I don’t know how many billions venture capital companies have collectively poured down the drain (the last estimate I saw was £50bn), clapped and applauded by well paid consultants who marvelled at these “new business models”. Well, guess what? They were never “business models”. They were nonsensical. Meanwhile the bright young things with their appreciative consultants lost licences, lost fortunes, put the public at risk and on the way to court scoffed at people running responsible businesses that actually made money. Now they want to lecture the rest of us about how we should manage drivers. It seems to me that some of these people need to change their medication. The luck of the draw, swings and roundabouts and most important of all being able to suit yourself is why people came into this industry, why it ran so well and why it will continue to run when this pantomime has moved on to food deliveries, groceries and whatever comes next. Balancing the needs of customers who want ad hoc services with drivers who want to provide services on an ad hoc basis is the secret of this industry. Trying to straight-jacket free spirits into becoming pseudo employees may look good on white boards in swanky offices; it might make shareholders feel like their management are in charge; but it won’t fly. This industry is about balancing, operational stretch, probability and seeing what happens. It’s a complex world that doesn’t want to be organised and constrained. Apart from a tiny minority, customers don’t provide jobs every day on a regular basis and drivers don’t provide their services on that basis either. What management theory describes how two chaotic inputs (customers and drivers) operating in a city that is increasingly congested

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