Prof. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhD Consultant Psychologist, Attorney
What is Counselling ? Why do we need it ?
Counselling may be defined as 1.providing help and support to a client
2. creating a climate of acceptance
3. Assisting the client to explore, understand and act (EUA)
It is a dynamic relationship between two or more persons- A QUANTUM MODEL
consilium‌.grasp with sellan‌.to sell or deliver counselling is delivered and counselee grasps together with counsellor
GOALS AND AIMS OF COUNSELLING
1. To understand the counselee’s current situation. 2. To understand how he has tried to handle the problem. 3. To understand his view of the problem……….
4. To understand his emotional reactions.
5. To evaluate the total problem. 6. To help him clarify his life situation
Prof. Edwin Herr‌. Hypothesis testing
Triple filter of Integrity Honest Accountable Just & Equitable
Herrmann Brain-dominance instrument Left brain- logical thinkers left brain –limbic- sequential thinkers Right brain- holistic thinkers Right-brain-limbic- emotional thinkers
Spect Analysis What happens if full brain is not used
What is the reality around us ?
Confucius in Analects says Wealth and honour are what every person desires. But if they have been obtained in violation of moral principles, they must not be kept
Socrates in Apology says The moral person does not put money or anything above virtue
EastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCE Judaism: Moses 1500-1350 BCE Hinduism: 2000 BCE 600 BCEZoroastrianism: Zoroaster 628-527 BCEJainism: Mahavira 599-527 BCE Buddhism: Buddha 563-483 BCE
Taoism: Lao Tse 580-500 BCE Confucianism: Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE Christianity: Jesus 1-33 CE Shinto: 100 CE600 CE Islam: Muhammad 570-636 CE
Shakespeare on Roses A
rose by any other name smells as sweet……..
Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, hundred other horrors and terrors is disquieting. Inside society there is societal entropy. Crimes are escalating. Violence and vices are spiraling.
Counselling is not‌..
1. Advice giving 2. Opinion giving 3. Sympathizing
Counselling is not‌..
4. Giving practical help 5. Not simply interviewing 6. Not simply listening
Skills are gradual not sudden , so constant practice is vital a few months‌‌
Psychological approaches to Counselling Client Centred- Carl Rogers Psychodynamic- Freud Gestalt- Frit Perls Humanistic- RET-Ellis Personal Construct- Kelly Behavioural- Watson, Skinner Transactional Analysis- Berne
WHAT ARE THE 3 P’S
Premise Person Process
Premise Human interaction is primary to life 1. 2.
Interdependence Independence
Person Accept 3 factors 1. Recognize importance of spiritual values 2. Love others as self 3. Accept self as human
Counsellor’s qualities
Empathy What is empathy ? 1. Please agree in groups and present your findings 2. Imagine a man falling through ice and you are watching from outside Is the picture a useful metaphor for empathy- 15 mts
Empathy Some answers Implies risk emotional involvement concern connection between you and the man
Empathy To understand someone from his point of view, by sensing and experiencing his feelings and perspective Apathy; Empathy, Sympathy
Empathy People who empathize- Activity 5 mts Discuss with group 10 mts
Empathy “Why do we need to steer this difficult course in today’s organisations ? “ Group activity – 10 mts
Empathy Negotiation Conflict Management Managing diversity Developing others Customer needs networking
Counsellor’s qualities 1. Empathy- Your hurt is my hurt 2. Positive regard 3. Genuineness 4. Concreteness
Counsellor’s qualities 5. Clear thinking 6. Common sense 7. Self awareness 8. Warmth
Counsellor’s Motivation
Counsellor’s Motivation 1. The need for relationships 2. The need to control
Counsellor’s Motivation 3. The need to rescue 4. The need for information
Counsellor’s
Motivation
5. Just fashionable…..
Some don’ts in Counselling Don’t Moralize Don’t compare with your experience Don’t offer advice on personal and emotional issues Don’t tell the client they don’t feel a certain way- of course you are not depressed…..
Counsellor’s Role
Counsellor’s Role 1. Being hasty instead of deliberate 2. Being disrespectful instead of sympathetic
Counsellor’s Role 3. Being judgmental instead of unbiased 4. Being directive instead of interpretive
Counsellor’s Role 5. Emotionally over involved 6.Artificial- not authentic
Emotions and feelings Please complete format and discuss with partner 10 mts
The Counselee The Counselee’s rights must be respected 1. 2. 3. 4.
Right to speak and be heard Right to his/her opinion Right to defend him/herself Right to personal philosophy
The process
Moving Interviews forward
3 Stages Understand Explore Act
Check list of essentials 1. Why does he need help at this time 2. What has he already done towards solving the problem 3. What help has he already received
Check list of essentials 4. What help does he still need 5. Spiritual needs 6. Plan of action
Unskilled responses
1. Me too 2. If I were you 3. Yes, but
Active listening is a learned skill and not a natural attribute
Listening Assessment
Listening As a group spend a few minutes thinking about your own attitudes, pressures, concerns and behaviour that block the listening capacity
Effective Listening behaviour SOLER 1. Sitting squarely 2. Open position 3. Leaning forward 4. Eye contact 5. Relaxing
Positive Listening Activity in each group speaker, listener and observer Speak about your home or workplace for 2 mts
Check List of listening skills
1. Be accepting 2. Be concerned 3. Be patient 4. Be specific 5. Be honest 6. Be faithful
1. Be Accepting Take a non-judgmental stance Accept him for what he is Accept him for where he is
2. Be Concerned Caring and willing to get involved Attentive to what the client says Your motivation is love
3. Be patient The client sets the schedule Giving time suggests interest Do not force the pace
4. Be specific Ask specific questions Give concrete statements Confront inconsistencies
5. Be honest Respond in a way that reflects your feelings Your responses are to be congruent with your feelings Your responses should be gracious
6. Be faithful Absolute confidentiality Refrain from passing along info given by client Always keep an appointment with client
The Complete Message Please fill out the % ?? % Content
?? % Tone
?? % Non Verbal
The Complete Message Nonverbal – 55 % Tone of voice- 38 % Actual words- 7 % !!
DEPRESSION
Is called the common cold of the mind. It affects our work, relationships, marriage
What is it trying to say to you‌ It is an inner scream telling us that we have neglected some area of our lives
WHO GETS DEPRESSED ? More women are depressed than men Young adults 18-44 than older adults Separated and divorced
LOSS OF PERSPECTIVE When a person is depressed he loses perspective. The way he views life, his job and family is coloured
IT MIGHT ALSO HELP‌. Depression can prompt us to clear the air and discard years of accumulated anger and hurt
REASONS
Past deprevation Improper food and rest Reaction to medication Chemical imbalance Repressed anger Grief
NEGATIVE THINKING
Negative self-talk is the culprit that fosters negative thinking leading to depression
WHAT ABOUT HIGH STANDARDS ? Having excessively high standards- being a perfectionist -is a sure way to invite depression into your life
IT IS NOT THE END OF LIFE‌.. Depression is not the end of the world, even though to the depressed individual it appears that way
BURNOUT Burnout’s first symptom is an all-round feeling of fatigue
BURNOUT Usually such people do not get involved in exercises or stress reduction programmes. INTELLCTUAL AND CREATIVE ABILITIES DIMINISH
BURNOUT CAUSES Unrealistic expectations Focus on goal but no regard To how it is attained Distribution
HOW TO ESCAPE Distinguish between idea and fact One of the best remedies for depression is to become more active
YOU MAY HAVE TO DO ……….. With depression, you must do what you don’t feel like doing before you feel like doing it
Counselling is a Quantum phenomenon
Classical model of Newton has collapsed
Reality is more dynamic
SUPERUNIFICATION
Counselling is the connection between Counsellor and Counsellee
Collective Consciousness
Collective Neural Patterns
Counsellor
Counselle
The Consciousness structure influences behaviour
3 in 1 structure of Consciousness The 3 way interaction of KnowerCounsellor Known – Counsellee and the Process of knowing E consciousness in the dynamics of their consciousness
ď ŹBeing
in the G.A.P
Counselling Counsellingisis self selfreferral referral Consciousness Consciousness creates createsCounselling Counselling
Not Noteveryone everyone will willfollow follow
Involves Involvesrisk risk and anduncertainty uncertainty
Willing WillingRelationship Relationship
9
Quantum Laws of Counseling Operate Operateoutside outside defined definedboundaries boundaries
Couns’lng Couns’lngisisaafield field interaction interaction
Occurs Occursas asan anevent event
Use Useinfluence influencebeyond beyond formal formalauthority authority
Two views of Counselling Classical Physics
Quantum Physics
•Counseling is in parts
•Counseling is a field
•Counseling is a continuous attribute of a person
•Counseling is a discontinuous event
•Influence is based on force •Conforms to cause-andeffect logic •Objective phenomenon
•Influence is an interaction •Unstructured and unpredictable •Subjective phenomenon
Quantum Counsellors vs Classical Counsellors Classical Counsellor
Quantum Counsellor
•Have appointed clients
•Attract willing clients
•Use influence based on formal authority
•Develop influence beyond authority
•Operate within prescribed pathways
•Operate outside prescribed pathways
•Are given a position
•Take initiative to help
•Rely on tradition and procedure
•Rely on consciousness
Use of E-Consciousness- 8 point system Eliminate- Quick fix mentality, Human hardware issues, - attitudes Exchange- Positive thoughts, being in the G.A.P, better software Energize- 8 point Quality yardstick ,Slow down brain waves more delta and theta Empathy- Understand Counsellee’s needs; higher EQ Encourage- Rewards, empowerment Esteem- Develops his esteem Endure- Create support system, learn from mistakes Eternal- Not violate ethics and morality and be value-centric