3rd Street Beat
Produced by Clients of The Recovery Center 8 east 3rd Street 10003 #8 July 2020
BLACK LIVES MATTER Cover art by Steven McGlothlin
YO PEN ER DES As or xo rig & is, fen t sip T
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The 3rd Street Beat Mission Statement The Third Street Beat is a newsletter written by and created for people with addiction. Our mission is to validate that experience so people know that they are not alone, and to emphasize the many unique roads that we take to recovery. This is an opportunity to share our experiences to creatively support each other. We are non-political, non-denominational, multi-racial, and gender neutral. Our mission is one of recovery and harm reduction, and all experiences are welcome. All the viewpoints herein are personal in nature and related specifically to our contributors’ recovery.
FEATURES I Will Not Surrender by John U. p. 3 Glory to God by Grateful N. p. 5 White Fragility and the Homeless by Da Homeless Hero p. 7 Police Reform Becomes Law p. 9
POETRY & PROSE #PowerUp by Steven M. p. 3 Not born racist by E, Moore p. 4 Boring by K. E. p. 4 Today I Counted by Jeff J. p. 8 Time Waits for No One and My Addiction by Paul F. p. 8 Never Give Up by Grateful N. p. 11 Tabbouleh Recipe p. 11
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The 3rd Street Beat Editorial Team Shams (columnist), Adam K (copy editor/columnist), Johnny Jungle, Stephen M. (art dept). The 3rd Street Beat is produced by The Recovery Center community with assistance from the occupational therapy team. xoxoxo
This issue is dedicated with love to our departed friends Mr. F and Ms. V We will miss you always.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
MLK by Steven M. (cover) Pepper Spray by Steven M. p. 10
THE USUAL Sudoku p. 2 Sudoku solution p. 6 Word Search p. 6 Parade of Memes p. 10
SUDOKU (solution p. 6) The rules of the game are simple: each of the nine blocks has to contain all the numbers 1-9 within its squares. Each number can only appear once in a row, column or box.
JOIN TRC in the 3rd Street Garden (8 east 3rd St) on Sat July 25th for our 2nd PLANT SALE! EVERY CENT GOES TO TRC CLIENTS!!
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I will not surrender Image from How To Draw With Perfection
By John Urbina Today is very important in many ways. I understand that I am under attack by negativity. The struggle that I have is 100% internal. I’m fighting myself. A fight between me, myself, and I. There’s a part of me that wants to be independent and live for myself, and then there’s a part of me that is always trying to get around responsibility. Pulling, pushing, pulling, pushing. It’s frustrating that I can’t step out of this cycle. Every time I wake up is another chance. Every time I regain my senses is another chance to get out and do what I want to do – be sober, independent, and very strong. Every chance I get, I come back. I don’t shy away, or get sad, or give up. I want to step out the chains and give myself a chance to move on. When I talk to the people who are there for me and have to deal with me I can tell it’s getting to them. I have been doing this since I was 15. I have a lot of clean time, and I know what it feels to be sober and be thinking straight. Something is affecting me to make me keep doing this, though. When I do look back and try to find the problem, I know that I have all of these experiences, all of these mishaps, all of these tough times that I can just point to. I’m telling myself nothing can get to me, and that I am better than these other guys. I am not better than anyone! If anything I am worse off! Sometimes it takes a little while to show its face – but then it does. I do what I can do move around it, but I am really tired of doing that – and I know I can stop. This is really possible – it should have been 15 or 20 years ago but it is my calling. I still have a chance. The people that are in my corner are my crutches - or rather my tools - for fighting this dreadful disease. They are the people that talk to me, give me advice, pick me up when I am down, tell me good things, listen to me, and help me to the best of their ability. Everybody in this program, my mother, and my sister are part of that group. Today I made a point of calling them – and my nieces and nephews – and I told them I love them, that I am going to stop doing this, and that I will change for the better. The reason that I am in this predicament is common yet very saddening - lack of good relationships, lack of support, difficulty expressing my emotions in a healthy manner, and not asking for help. I want to be able to recognize what the problem REALLY is instead of going through the motions half-heartedly. I know in my heart that I will prevail and defeat this terrible monster. I’ve been using for numerous years. I have had really bad experiences with drugs and alcohol; I have no luck with it. It’s really embarrassing. I know exactly what I am doing to myself and yet sometimes I don’t seem to care. My future, my accomplishments in life, my family, and people that sincerely care about me inspire me to keep fighting this every day. I really feel like this has to stop – ASAP. I will in my best efforts take this dilemma on the chin, and come out with a big fat T.K.O.
Poem by Steven McGlothlin
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WE ARE NOT BORN RACIST By Eric Moore I feel that people's attitude and behavior plays a big part in the whole Black Lives Matter situation.Unfortunately many blacks have lost their lives due to the non-caring attitude that people have been having for many many years,and the lack of love and respect for one another. I really feel that by protesting, they can really make a difference,and also leave the violence and negative behavior behind.Truth be told there are many people trying to strive and live accordingly with all this chaos and drama it continuously causes a distraction there are plenty of people that are unhappy with what’s been going on even tho there are some places that are not safe at all even with police present.It’s even harder to explain to our kids what’s going on especially if they weren’t taught racism. It is very confusing, especially for a child. Why teach a child that it not good to like a person because of the color of his or her skin? A child will grow up with confused hatred in theirheart.As adults I feel that it shouldn’t be hard for a person to maintain and understand especially because of what’s going on today would be the best opportunity for change and put racism to a halt. It’s really not fair for a person to lose his life because of the color of his or her skin from police all over America.I really feel that every human being despite of their skin color has the right to live just like everybody else.
Image from 9gag.com
By Karim E. People talk about boredom like it’s inevitable - a curse or something to point fingers at when we run out of ideas on how to use our time. Sometimes, it is not the lack of activities but the nature of the activity itself that bears the label of “boring;” ‘this movie is boring,’ or this person...or a place. What seems boring to me might not be for the next person, and vice versa. The feeling of boredom varies from one individual to another. For some people, 24 hours in a day is not enough. For others, 5 minutes is agonizingly long. Boredom could be understood as a mental or spiritual laziness - because I am not willing to explore all the optional activities presented to me. Healthy time management skills are very necessary. I am stuck in the same place for weeks, now. If I had ‘programmed’ myself to be bored, I would go crazy - eventually reverting to my active alcoholism. Instead, I chose to stick to a positive routine. From the time I wake up until bedtime: mild exercise, prayer, reading, communicating with people (especially family) - even nurturing a good cup of tea. Those may look like insignificant things to do, but the reward is in doing and living them, not finishing them. It is not about ‘killing time,’ but instead about ‘living’ time. Remember, life is a journey, not a destination.
Illustration by Loris Lora NYT
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Glory to God for Everything – by Grateful N. On May 27th I celebrated my younger son’s birthday with my friend. I was drinking a lot of beer. I couldn’t get into my shelter and was already intoxicated - so I left to keep drinking. Later that day, I tried to go to the park and continue drinking with my friend. As we were walking in Central Park, she passed out. I grabbed her, started shaking her to wake up, and tried to move her under a tree for the shade. The cops came over and arrested me because they thought we were fighting! They took me to Central Park precinct, and my friend to the hospital. After a couple of hours, they took me to Manhattan jail, “the Tombs.” When the nurse at intake said, “bring in the next prisoner!” I told them, “I am not a prisoner yet, I am just a detainee.” I told them I was going through withdrawal so I was sent to New York Presbyterian hospital. The police officer told me “you will remember this.” I asked if this was a threat and he said “no I am just telling you.” When going to hospital I was cuffed by my hands and feet, and told this was the procedure. They gave me Librium at the hospital, then I was discharged and taken back to the Tombs. At the Tombs, I was told to be prepared to stay here over 72 hours waiting to see the judge. I was put in a holding cell. There were about 30 people in the cell with me. They gave us an orange, cereal, expired milk, and milk without an expiration date - and no mask. After a while, I went to see the judge. The prosecutor told me I was being charged with felony assault. The lawyer requested for me to be released but the prosecutor asked for a $50,000 bail. Back to the Tombs. While I was in the day room, an inmate came running into his cell. He yelled “the cops are using gas!” I could then smell the tear gas. My nose was running and it was hard to breathe. I took my shirt off as fast as I could, wet it, and covered my face. Two inmates were taken out unconscious, and then we never heard about them again. No one told us anything. The cops said they put the gas in the cells because there was a fight. I didn’t see anything, though. I have learned that the cops don’t need a reason. They just do these things. Whatever the boss says. Who are we to ask why they would gas the cells? They could have easily let us out into the secure courtyard before they threw in the gas, but they didn’t. This is just the beginning of my story! After this, I really didn’t feel right. They brought in huge fans to clear out the air. About then, the brought in “a protestor.” He was the kind of the ‘protester’ who protested by robbing the Gucci store. He told me that his looting was part of an organized operation, as they had cars waiting to carry away all of the merchandise they grabbed. Lockdown is 9pm. At about 8:30, I was already in my cell to pray and get ready to sleep. They called my name – “We have your release papers!” I thought this was a joke, because I was not supposed to leave so soon and no one would pay bail or me. Then, the ‘protestor’ was also called for release along with another 4 people or so. We waited for about 4 hours in a holding cell. Because there was a fight in another nearby cell, they started throwing tear gas AGAIN. I could not believe I was in this again. “Please, let us out!” They didn’t. After we finally signed our paper and changed into street clothes, they gave us some papers so we could stay out after the quarantine curfew - and they finally gave a mask. They didn’t let us go out the regular way (I have been there a couple times). This time they opened a big garage door and said “Bye bye!” This is the weirdest part. When we got out, there were a whole lot of young people in their 20s, I guess. They were social workers, lawyers…
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SUDOKU solution
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Word Search: “History’s mysteries”
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White Fragility (noun): discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a white person when confronted by information about racial inequality and injustice. (From the book White Fragility by Robin Diangelo ed. M.E. Dyson) To begin this discourse, I’d like to put in this disclaimer: First and foremost, I think Project Renewal, the organization overseeing the shelter to which I’ve been assigned, is a great institution and has a track record of doing a lot of good work for the homeless. Its programs are necessary and relevant and I’m personally benefiting in many ways from being one of its clients. However, as I transition into the realm of advocacy, I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that there are some things fundamentally wrong with the shelter and human services systems. We are not yet privileged to have a seat at the table, so I am using this newsletter as a platform to amplify our voices. I’d like to articulate some of my concerns and suggestions in a proactive way with the hope of inspiring this organization and those like it to initiate systemic changes that will be significantly beneficial to those of us who are homeless and living within their shelters.
White Fragility And The Homeless After many months of advocating for myself and my fellow residents, I find the concept of white fragility very much a worthy topic to explore. The concept may be hard to digest for some, but I hope everyone reading this takes a moment and deeply consider what I’m saying. Keep reading the above definition, if necessary, so a clear understanding of the point is maintained. White fragility can be connected to the treatment of homeless persons, in particular those of us who are Black and Latino, in NYC’s homeless shelters. A case in point is my experience of being in a shelter that is more like a drug den. It is unsafe, with a staff that is grossly unprofessional and detrimental to the health and wellness of myself and fellow residents. Additionally, while staying in a hotel under the shelter’s jurisdiction during the Covid-19 pandemic, we residents are having a big problem with the issue of food quantity and quality. Food is one of the most basic necessities, yet the organization is failing to provide it in a way that is suitable and sustainable for a human being. These are but two examples to illustrate that something is very, very wrong..
When I think of white fragility, I think in terms of the power structure that administers policies that grossly affect a population that has long suffered under a system of white supremacy. Sure, there are Black faces in high places, but how effective are they at dismantling or transforming that power structure as agents of change? I surmise that most of those who have attained those positions have become tools of the power structure and are allowed enough power to make everyone look good but not enough power to actually do good. Whether by default or design this...
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Today I Counted - By Jeff J. Today I counted all the people I know who died because of this disease. I lost count at 23. 23 Sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers. fathers gone in a matter of 6 years. As people in recovery, we are in a position to help each other. TALK TO ME. I WILL LISTEN. - Jeff J. jjeannette313@gmail.com My Addiction I stumble, I fall, I get back up. My addiction stalks me in my waking hours. It’s a relentless enemy. In my war of addiction, I win some battles and I lose some battles. But I never stop Fighting. We have lost many soldiers in this war, but I, we, keep going and never surrender.
Ti Was or On B Pa Fiera As he y ad, I df of n tin f al he lod os ha he pse on. I remr he ce an ho tey mid an ho tey ri. Te jo w had i go tes an te sro fet te tey re ne. I lt a fen te ter da; I wl is sein hi, hein hi vi, te sore h had. Egt er ha go b an tin f y eutul wi Day...li te flow, I wh er d y rid a peef jone. I te tm it me mat wer I g as n as he say m het an mid.
We fight for them and we fight for our ourselves. ~ Paul Figueroa 8
Police Reform Becomes Law - by Adam Kearney Following the murder of George Floyd, awareness of police brutality in the US has risen. Real change can only be had by restructuring the laws that police officers have to follow while making arrests. This has been done to a large extent, to prevent any more tragic deaths, and to make sure that police officers who overstep their bounds are properly punished. Some of the issues facing reform legislation are banning the use of chokeholds, stopping Drawing by Steven McGlothlin no-knock warrants for drug cases, the publication of police misconduct records, the end of police departments using military grade weapons and vehicles, requiring lethal force to be used only if officers are facing imminent death or serious injury, expanding the use of body cameras, and ending racial profiling. Although reform needs to be applied to all states, meaning legislation at a federal level, the Constitution says that these laws are reserved to the states, so each state needs to enact their own reform measures. Governor Cuomo has signed into law many new provisions for New York that address some of the issues. It is not a perfect solution, but it is a good start, and it leaves open the door for more measures to be passed as they are addressed by the government. The STAT act (Police Statistics and Transparency Act), signed by Cuomo on June 15th, requires courts to compile and publish racial and other demographic data of all low-level offenses. It requires state and local officers to report within six hours after they discharge a weapon. It also requires police to provide mental and medical attention to all individuals in custody. "Police reform is long overdue in this state and this nation, and New York is once again leading the way and enacting real change to end the systemic discrimination that exists in our criminal justice and policing systems," Governor Cuomo said. "These critical reforms will help improve the relationship between law enforcement and the communities they serve and take us one step closer to righting the many injustices minority communities have faced because of a broken and unfair system." Other reforms include the POST (Public Oversight of Surveillance Technology) Act. This requires that all surveillance devices in use by the NYPD be catalogued and presented to the public on the NYPD website. Officers are against this bill in particular, as they believe it will put undercover officers in danger. The bill was passed with a veto-proof majority. The Chokehold Ban was also passed with veto-proof majority, meaning it had so many votes in favor that it could not possibly be vetoed at a later time. This makes any restriction of air flow by an officer to be prosecuted as a Class C Felony, punishable by up to 15 years in jail. The most resisted bill was the repeal of 50-a, a civil rights code that keeps NYPD disciplinary records a secret. Since this was repealed, misconduct records are now publicly available for any police officer, and since their names are displayed on all of their badges, it is easy to find out if an officer you had contact with has complaints against him/her in the past. These reforms were written years ago, but they didn’t have the right political conditions for them to pass. The fervor unleashed by the death of George Floyd allowed these bills to finally pass into law. We need to keep the spirit of the movement alive if more reforms are to be passed. It is only through solidarity and a desire to change that reform can continue and police brutality will become a thing of the past.
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PARADE OF MEMES!
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NEVER GIVE UP! Many times, when I ended up in Detox Unit after my drunk days/weeks, I felt despair and hopelessness… I felt like no one in the Whole Universe could help me… I was WRONG! If God never gives up on me, who am I to give up on myself?!. There is always hope! I am always have two options: Give up and die, or Stand up and fight By the Grace of God I am still alive and my fight is continue. And I know, I am not alone - God on my side. I will never give up! ~By Grateful N.
TABBOULEH SALAD We used our own fresh cucumber and mint!!!
Brought to you by the TRC Cooking Club and TheKitchn.com
Instructions
Ingredients: ● 1/2 cup bulgur wheat ● 1 lemon ● 1 to 2 large bunches of flat leaf parsley, washed and dried ● 1 large bunch of mint, washed and dried ● 2 scallions ● 2 medium tomatoes ● 1/4 cup of extra-virgin olive oil, divided ● 1/2 teaspoon salt ● 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice (optional) ● 1 small cucumber (optional) ● A few whole leaves of mint for garnish
Dress the bulgur. When the bulgur is done, Soak the bulgur. Place the bulgur in a small drain off any excess water and place in the large bowl and cover with very hot (just off the boil) water bowl. Add 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 1 tablespoon of by 1/2-inch. Set aside to soak until softened but still lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Toss to coat chewy, about 20 minutes. the grains. As you finish prepping the herbs and Prep the herbs and vegetables. While the vegetables, add them to the bowl with the bulgur, bulgur is soaking, juice the lemon and chop the but reserve half of the the diced tomato to use for parsley and mint. You will need roughly 1 1/2 cup garnish. packed chopped parsley and 1/2 cup packed Season and toss. Add 2 more tablespoons chopped mint for this amount of bulgur. Slice the of olive oil and another 1 tablespoon of lemon juice scallions thinly to equal a heaping 1/4 cup. Medium and the optional allspice to the bowl. Toss chop the tomatoes; they will equal roughly 1 1/2 everything together, taste, and adjust seasonings cups. Medium chop the cucumber, about 1/2 cup. as needed. 11
WHITE FRAGILITY CONTINUED….seems to be a reasonable excuse to explain why we who reside in these shelters have yet to be treated like human beings. Therefore, having a Black face or a white face telling me black lives matter means nothing if they are not showing that black lives matter. I can confidently say that the way in which the shelters render their services is wrong and further perpetuates a condition of poverty and dependence. To think that we can survive off of $22.50 every two weeks as adult males is ludicrous - if not downright criminal. Shelter staff say this is because we will only use this money to purchase drugs and alcohol. This is beyond demoralizing. It’s dehumanizing. Then to add insult to severe mental, physical and emotional injury, we are compelled to languish in a shelter for nearly a year while being provided inefficient and lackluster services. It’s like a slow genocide for a generation of homeless people. How can we progress and become productive when the odds are stacked against our mental, physical, emotional, financial, social and spiritual health and wellness? While many warn me of potential retribution for highlighting these issues, I take on the risk. As a Black man it’s important for me to speak about these issues especially when statistics show that while there are more unsheltered white people experiencing homelessness in America, in the NYC’s shelter system, the figures are striking as they relate to various ethnic groups.
"African-American and Latino New Yorkers are disproportionately affected by homelessness. Approximately 57 percent of New York City homeless shelter residents are African-American, 31 percent are Latino, 8 percent are white, and 4 percent are of another or unknown ethnicity.” Huge numbers of Black and Latino people are subject to policies that are not working. The system is failing us. Rather than fix things, those responsible pass the blame. Providing shelter is not enough, and questionable job development program schemes in a failing economy are not enough. These organizations milk the system and no real effort appears to be made to eradicate the homelessness crisis, the mental health crisis, the racial inequity crisis, and all the other problems that derive from these issues. Our access to general health and mental health services are very limited. Those of us who suffer from substance use disorder find it difficult to maintain or overcome this disease (despite the great work of The Recovery Center) because the shelters we reside in are incredibly triggering. We go from a safe haven (TRC) to a drug den then back to a safe haven then back to a drug den and so the cycle continues. Why is there no synergy between The Recovery Center, The Medical Department and the shelters where the clients reside? Before making excuses, remember what synergy means:
Synergy (noun): The interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of their separate effects.. The time is now for you, Project Renewal, to really rethink their programs in order to effectively address overt and covert systemic racial factors that negatively affect the people you serve. Start in your own backyard and ask the hard questions. The answers will be hard to digest, but this is essential to bring about change that will impact the people you serve in a more humane and beneficial way. Why do your shelters double as drug dens and an easy paycheck for inadequate security? How can we have a conversation about the police on the streets doing their job when you have a security force within your own shelters that are often abusive? Why is it so difficult to provide healthy and nutritious meals to a population that is known to have health issues - such as diabetes, hypertension and other ailments? Who is responsible for these contracts? Why are they not held accountable for less than adequate services? These are the realities of what we're all dealing with now. What are we going to do about it? Finding solutions should involve not just me, but all of us who would like to see better and do better. My motive in this writing is to formally ask that Project Renewal host a community meeting that includes the executive team, their staff, and we who are in your shelters. Let us ALL sit down not to complain but to collectively and constructively come up with solutions to the problems we see while residing in your shelters. Please remember:
#BlackHomelessLivesMatter
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GLORY TO GOD CONTINUED…...medical people. They had food, cigarettes, water, pizza, soda – anything and everything. I guess they were there for real protesters, so they treated us like were heroes! Someone had caught the Gucci guy on camera, so he had become immediately famous while he was in the Tombs. He put his arm around my shoulder and called me “his Russian” as people took photos and videos. “We’ve been in jail together!” Honestly, I was frustrated when people started asking me questions. I was still shocked that I was actually out – shocked! I was free! It felt like a miracle. I was preparing for a month in jail. All those volunteers wanted to know how it was inside and how the police treated me. They were looking for stories and sound bites – something sensational. Something ‘WOW.’ I couldn’t say anything ‘WOW,’ though, so I just said something ‘not very interesting.’ “I need to go home.” They didn’t need to know I don’t have a home right now. I took a pack of cigarettes, and they told me, “you don’t need to walk! We will call an Uber for you!” While I waited for the Uber, they had hot pizza for me.I didn’t have an appetite, though. I just wanted to GET OUT. The Uber came – it was a huge luxury SUV! If I rode in that back to the shelter everyone would have thought I was a celebrity going to the Hotel next door. I told them I wanted to go to Harlem instead. He said “no problem, whatever you want. It’s paid for.” When he dropped me offI met up with a friend. He was so glad to hear that I was free. I didn’t have a place to sleep, though, so we got drunk. Later on, though I took the D train to get back to Project Renewal. I wanted to get out at Bleeker, but I woke up in the Bronx – still drunk. There were still protests everywhere! There were barriers and cops everywhere, too. I have trouble remembering this part, but my friend told me that a policeman hit me in the head with his baton. I remember flashes of EMS and St Barnabas hospital. I got a bunch of stitches – definitely more than 3 or 4. Next, they let me go with discharge papers - which my friend kept for me. I had trouble finding the train because my head was fuzzy from drinking and getting hit. I was able to avoid the crowd and cops and get to the D train. That’s a long walk from St. Barnabas! Eventually. I got on the train. Through my haze, my head felt like it was cracking open. I called my friend so we went to Morningside Park. We took some drinks “to help with the pain.” I lost track of time,here. How long I was drinking, and how long ago did I have stitches? Drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking. Maybe a couple days passed? At some point, my friend became afraid for me. He said I started losing my mind! “Where are we? What’s going on?” He called an ambulance. They took me to Mt Sinai on 114th St. They did an MRI to get my insurance money and took out my stitches. They gave me some Librium, let me sleep a bit, and let me go. The morning of June 8th I finally got back to TRC. Carli asked me, “Do you want to go up to detox?” I had finally stopped drinking, so I said “Yes.” When I got there, I decided not to cut my hair or beard for a while. I had never grown out the grey before! Something was changing inside me. I felt like changing the outside of me would help it along. I think something about having lived through this incredible string got me a bit closer to God. When I was in jail, I learned “you can lose people, but God will always be with you.” I didn’t feel alone there and I don’t feel alone now. I feel some peace, finally. It was hard, though, it wasn’t easy. But I am so grateful to God. It was just when I was released from rehab that this crazy story began. I had started drinking – right away. I remember sitting on a bench back then and asking God, “I am drinking again and can’t stop. Can you help me?” This story began just after I asked this question. I have realized that if these events had never happened I would probably still be drinking. Maybe I would have been hit by a car or killed some other way. I had such a bad drunk attitude – I was always looking for trouble. Today I am grateful, though. So grateful. Glory to God for everything. 13 `
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