April 2022 3rd Street Beat

3rd Street Beat

3rd Street Beat

Produced by Clients of The Recovery Center

8 east 3rd Street

#27 April 2022

10003

Art by Sakima Canns

The 3rd Street Beat Mission Statement

The Third Street Beat is a newsletter written by and created for people with substance use disorder. Our mission is to validate that experience so people know that they are not alone, and to emphasize the many unique roads that we take to recovery. This is an opportunity to share our experiences to creatively support each other. We are non-political, non-denominational, multi-racial, and gender neutral. Our mission is one of recovery and harm reduction, and all experiences are welcome. All the viewpoints herein are personal in nature and related specifically to our contributors’ recovery.

The 3rd Street Beat Editorial Team

The 3rd Street Beat is produced byThe Recovery Center community with assistance from the occupational therapy team.

TABLE OF CONTENTS Art

Cover by Sakima Canns

Trees by Sakima Canns p. 9

PoeTry and Prose

Four Months Back byYaritza Valle p. 3

I’m Back by Moses Flores p. 3

I Had a Nice Day by Steven Miller p. 3

TRC Has Worked for Me by Sakima Canns p. 3

I am Your Disease by James Lynch p. 4

Who I Am by Umar Johnson p. 4

Opposites Attract by Raymond Sanders p. 5

I Went Down South by Steven Miller

Cell 41 by Moses Flores p. 5

Honest LIfe by Raymond Sanders p 5

Peace-n-love by Doug Willms p. 6

Life’s Lesson by Raymond Sanders p. 6 byYaritza Valle p,. 7

Caged from Within by Moses Flores p. 7 by Sakima Canns p. 8 by Eddie C. p. 8 byTyrone Backus p. 8 by Sakima Canns p. 9

Living Life in Someone’s Shoes by Kennard Singleton p. 9

To My Son and Letter to My Kids byYaritza Valle p. 10

Today Who Am I?

by Raymond Bird p. 11

WOW! by Bengia Ragland p. 11

So, 4 months back I would never have thought I’ll be clean for this long. At the beginning of this, I really wanted to continue to get high, but then I really looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t like that girl at all. I didn’t even know that girl. I felt worthless, useless, nasty, skinny, not having my kids. I was at a point where I said to myself, “Yaritza, you got this, You are worth much more.” But it took a while for me to see it. So one day I looked at myself in the mirror after my one month of being sober. I took my mirror and started to write all the things I didn’t like about myself and all the negative things people would say about me. Then I started to write everything I see in myself, and now today nobody can’t tell me nothing cause I am not that girl anymore. I love this woman I have worked and will continue to work on myself. I finally got my children back in my life. My family is coming around again. I love this family that I have gained here at TRC, and I wouldn’t change it for nothing at all. I love the fact that I got people. I can call or text my brothers here at the program and even the counselor here. I can speak to them about anything - and I mean everything - and not get looked at any different at all. I’m very grateful for everything I have recovered back in my life, even everything I’ve learned from others here. I ain’t perfect, didn’t start off on the right foot neither, but I will continue to move forward in my life. It’s just the beginning. Trust me, guys ain’t shit and not bringing me down at all.

I’m back by Moses Flores

I was lost for a while, but now I am back. Not from a physical grave but from the world of the walking dead. Remember we do not have to physically be dead to feel dead. I’ve been materially rich in my lifetime, yet suffered from spiritual apathy. My spirit was sloth and my heart felt empty. Somewhere along the line I had to rediscover who I was. I found recovery and found my spirit. I found my spirit. I found myself. Today I am I.

Today I am back.

TRC has worked for me

It took some time but now I see Change is necessary if you want to succeed Open your mind and heart and you will be freed Recovery is a journey, so don’t think it’s overnight Sometimes it’s easy, other times you have to fight. No matter how easy or difficult the road

In the end you will see a beautiful life unfold You will need a drop of faith, a dab of patience, and a bit of commitment And slowly you will lose your anger

Your attitude will change and you will begin to release your resentment

-Sakima Canns

I Am Your Disease by James Lynch

So today I’m putting pen to paper for the first time in months. Which, surprisingly enough, I love to write so I will give a little history about myself. I started using drugs at age 9 - smoking pot. By 12 it was cocaine and heroin, which became my true love. So here’s a little something to describe my struggle.

I am your disease, sometimes resting, never at ease.

You were my lover, more important than my wife.

In return lies, deception, and you tried to take my life.

You, you can’t stop me, brewng inside, raging insanity. Run run and hide you can’t stop my rage.

I kill, I kill at will. Now, it’s time for my 12 gauge needle in your vein.

As I sat alone in that cold, dark cell…you call it living, I call it hell.

Victim of reality, wanna fuck with me?

Become a fatality.

Are you ready to pay that price?

Before you fuck with me, you’d better think twice.

I am your disease, NEVER can I be PLEASED.

I don’t believe I’m a different person in different languages. I tend to respond to emotions and physical cues from people, which has conditioned me to be able to present a fairly consistent image no matter the dialect. I believe my major difference comes from how I physically present, to who I am.

By Umar Johnson

Image by Willie Hsu

Opposites Attract

In life, I have come to the realization that opposites doattract. Meaning different…people, genders, and cultures.

Not everything of the same nature is, in fact, good for one another's’ situation. Adapting to change is where you not only grow, but you’ll learn something new, too.

-Raymond Sanders

CeLL 41

Four walls one window

One bed one toilet

Not much in the room

Yet one beautiful window

With the view of the runway

To an airport

With the view of nightfall And the view of sunrise

One disastrous situation

With plenty of nature’s beauty Must make the best of my stay

In my four walls and one window.

-Moses Flores

I went down south

I went down south

I went into the mountains

I went into the mountains

I went out on the hill

I went out on the hill

I lived in the house

I lived in the house

I fed the rabbits

I fed the rabbits

-Steven Miller

-Steven Miller

HONESTLIFE

Smile,through thehappy&sad. Besuretodogood,notbad. Withasmile, theworlddoesn’tlook somad. Justsaynotodrugs. Isurewished“I”had! Livelifewitha positiveattitude, Ipromiseyou,you’llbeglad! Lifeislikepicking throughabag. Somanychoices, thatyouwish Youneverhad.

ByRaymondSanders 3/24/22

Art by Megan Spencer

Image by SarahKDesigns

LIFE’S LESSON

1) Wake up early.

I’ve lived life all over different parts of the country. Originally from NYC, so wherever I go I am always fully aware of my surroundings on high alert at all times focused on everything at once. So, I already know what time it is with everybody - you can’t pull nothing over on me. But I have learned now not to talk too much but to listen and learn from everybody and everything around me. To be aware is to be alive in my life. It’s a gift from god so it is a journey not a role. It’s about thinking with your heart not your mind :)

Peace-n-love

To U All

The early bird catches the worm!

2) Smile through thick & thin!

3) Stay positive, in every situation.

4) Be quiet. You can learn more, With a closed mouth & open ears.

5) Hygiene is the first, priority of the day!

6) Appearance is everything!

7) Keep your watch 5 min. fast, To ensure you get to your destination on time.

8) Eat three well balanced meals a day.

9) Drink plenty of water!

10) Be aware of your surroundings!

(*People, Places, & Things)

11) You are your best supporter! (Not every smile is a happy one, on your behalf!)

12) Stock up your “Mental & Physical” Toolbox! You’re going to need it in life.

13) Get plenty of rest. You function better well rested.

14) No such thing of getting “Comfortable!” (Can’t progress there)

- By Raymond Sanders

-Douglas W.

Painting by Lynne Johnson

I worry not, anymore, because I don’t believe in my spirit…I worry not because I knowmy spirit. My will can not be broken, because my spirit and its strength guide me to greener pastures. Bad times and turmoil exist. Yet I won’t let them bring me down. In fact, I will take them as learning and fuel to be better. I can not be broken. My spirit guides me.

- Moses Flores

Caged from within.

We need not bars to be imprisoned. We need not whips and chains 2 be enslaved. We need not slave masters to be oppressed. We tend be our own slave masters and oppressors. With slave -like mentalities and self inflicted oppression. Being enslaved by society's made up standards, stigmas and profiles. Making you question your beliefs. Like Is being righteous being confused with doing things the morally right way or is it only right if its the white way? Is black power and black lives matter a movement or a new gang? Are the chosen people the chosen people because they wrote that in the bible themselves. Then again what the hell is a gentile? Why can't I just be a human being trying to survive in this wicked world? At this juncture, who gives a shit really? Most people are so busy trying to keep up with all of society's insecure new trends that they forget who they are, or even worse ,never get to know who they really ever are. We need to get a grip, because we are losing ourselves. All of this judging, stereotyping and profiling is causing great separation among the human race. Pretty much the plan by the enemy aka satan or whatever u want to call ur excuse for failure. Remember there is strength in numbers. So individualism and separation shouldn't be a part of the plan.The strength in numbers only works if the numbers are in unisense. Basically you can have a room full of people against one common enemy and still lose, because if the room full of people are not synchronized as one against this common enemy. Then the power of numbers just went out the window. This is how the outnumbered enemy has been winning since the beginning of time. Through the divide and conquer concept. If I'm up against 12 enemies. It is fair to say that I have a very minimal chance of winning this battle. Unless I have an automatic pistol, but that in itself can get very bloody and messy. Yet the smart warrior will make his enemies become enemies and let them kill themselves. Until they eliminate themselves. As he never get his hands dirty. This iis the art of war 101, the oldest yet most effective war trick in the book. Our most common enemy can not always be physically seen unless we are looking at ourselves in the mirror. Our most common enemy is usually our ego that creates fear that leads to insecurities and hate. We can play the blame game and point fingers all we want, but the truth is our greatest enemy is the man across the mirror. Again we do not have to be imprisoned to be in captivity. We do not need to be in a chain gang 2 be enslaved. Most of us have let society enslave us. Most of us choose to ignore humility and let our egos dictate our behaviors and impulses. Most of have caged ourselves a long time ago. Stop the hate my people . God bless one and all ~

By Moses Flores

Inner Strength

You are stronger than you think you are. It takes strength to know when you’re feeling weak. It also takes strength to ask for help. Being strong doesn’t mean just physical strength. I’m talking about inner strength, this kind of strength has real power, a sort of resilience, a capacity to be way stronger than your physical strength. Inner strength can change your life and the lives of others. It can carry you through when you can’t carry yourself. This is the strength that will never leave us, muscles fade, but inner strength gets stronger as you use it. So don’t forget to lean on your inner strength because it can deliver you from your weakness and lead you to friends that are willing to help.

By Sakima Canns

A Certain Quality

Hello my name is Eddie. I am 29 years old about to be 30 in April 2022. It has been a long journey for me, growing up is hard but i find way get around it. Like setting up a plan and my goal so that way I would know what i want do in the future. Staying focused and getting away from people places and things. I am looking for a new way in life to be free from the negative stuff that are out there, learning how to live and enjoy myself.

- By Eddie C.

I was born in 1962, raised by a mother who was a social worker for HRA, and my father who was a special police officer for the NY Health and Hospital Corp. The were people who had the gift of the gab and taught me to respect other people as well as myself. I am a very sociable and open person and love to interact with people - since childhood. I think that’s the special quality I have is to make people feel as I do - happy as I do and enjoy their presence when we are together, That’s my goal each and every day. - Tyrone

Backus

The Battle of Staying Clean by Sakima Canns

Everytime I get clean and sober, I really believe I am never going to use again. Sometimes someone will hand you something and you can’t bring yourself to say no. There are times where you might find something laying on the ground etc. I think the worst is when you plan it in your mind, for a particular day or time. Because for me, I will plan it out but I will also try to talk myself out of it. I always lose and give in to using, then I pretty much do all the drugs and alcohol I can, cause if I‘m gonna mess up might as well mess up big. I have come to realize when I start to visualize using I have to tell someone. I have to expose myself. I have to think with accountability when I am accountable to someone or a group of people it is easier for me to stay on track. Essentially, I am doing it for me but I also don’t want to let anyone down.

Living Life in Someone’s Shoes

by Kennard Singleton

Well, first thing I wanna give God thanks for allowing me to accept this present of life today.

We it starters off as I always try to write on someone else or someone that needs help → Well the plan is today is to save my own life. It is a snowy, rainy day on this Thursday, never-the-less. Listening to the sounds from the window. Topic is to let me show you how it works… I tried to live life worrying about what people’s perception of me is and how the program works. Firs, I will never focus on the speck in someone’s eye and there is a boulder in mind because I would try to save a life instead of badgering or belittling. You learn through everything that you have been. Drug addiction also taught me awareness and life survival skills. So I am not perfect but very fine tuned. As in other words, life skills and survival are very sharp and cunning. In other words, don’t help me kill myself but help me live. Life is beautiful.

So when it is all said and done I came by myself used family and friends

To continue prepared

But think of → medication be meditational Bad energy

Ones man's trash is another man's treasure. Culture.

ALetterToMyKids

I love you my children. You guys have given me a whole new meaning of love and life, because you guys taught me the true meaning of love and life. I thank you guys for all the memories we’ve got together and continue to build. I appreciate you guys more than you will ever know. Thank you for always being there for me through all the bad. I love you my children. Just know nothing or no one will ever break our bond. You guys already know that ya will always be my brat pack no matter how old you guys are just know ya will always be my babies 4 life who have taught me the true meaning of love and life.

YaritzaValle

Poppa,IjustwantyoutoknowthatI gotyouandwillalwaysbethereforyouthrough itall,andlifeiscrazyandfullofsurprises.Trustme, IknowIwanttobeeasy,especiallybeingateenparent. Ihavenodoubtswithyoumyson,youhaveagreathead onyourshouldersand,believeitornot,Iknowfora factthatyou’regoingtobeanamazingdad.Thatlittlegirlis goingtobeblessedtohaveadadlikeyou.IknowImessedup youbutthepastandIwillbetherethroughitallnomatterwhat anyonehastosayaboutit.IwouldhaveneverthoughtthatI’ll behavingababyalongwithmyson’sgirlfriendandtobehonest Ican’twaittomeetmygrandbaby.Pleasepoppadon’tlose yourself.Nowyouhavetobebetterinlifenotonlyforyou butforthelittlegirlwhoisgonnalookuptoyou.Wegot \ thisPop.Iloveyouwithall ofme.

YoursTruly,

Yourmama,YaritzaValle

Today who am I? My name is Raymond B. Yesterday I was a very lost person in a big world, all alone with no one to talk to when the chips were down: I didn’t have the father to hear my cries when I was alone in the streets at night, or the mother to hold me, to let me know that everything will be alright. The mother that I wanted to love and be loved by!! The ‘father’ that I have always yearned to have met in my lifetime; but to no avail…So who am I?: My name is

Raymond B.!

By Raymond Bird III

Wow! I am on my way to becoming responsible in my recovery, a day at a time.

It wasn’t easy getting back to this point in my recovery because I totally lost myself on the last run in getting high. Using things on the outside, trying to help become sound of mind again to keep me from totally losing myself.

Wow, I was able to grab a hold of a power greater than myself, and turn myself into parole, and they made me wait 102 days before they started to deal with the process. It is still going on, in the process, as I write this newsletter for our paper. Each day I come to outpatient, and follow up with whatever needs to be done in furthering my recovery.

I’m looking forward to going to work where I can become more responsible in recovery. I have a housing voucher for cuty housing that I am hoping to help me get my OWN place. Wow…

The creator of life has always been there for me, and I am so thankful for that. My relationship with family could be better, but who am I to what should or should not be. I just continue to do what I need to do in my recovery.

I would like to give a shout out to all those that have helped my in my recovery…TRC, my peers, and support group. Thank you.

By Bengia Ragland