Project You Magazine, Love Yourself 2012, Between Us by Project You Magazine

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Between US Introducing...

The Role Mommy Book Club! Here at Project You, we love books! Even though it’s hard to carve out time to read, we’re making it our business to dive into at least a half a dozen great books this year and if you’re interested, we’d love to invite you to join in on the fun.

he first book we’ll be reading is The God Box (www.thegodbox. com), a bittersweet memoir by bestselling author and speaker, Mary Lou Quinlan. When Mary Lou’s mother, Mary Finlayson, dies, her family is left bereft – until Quinlan finds her mother’s “God Box”, or rather, boxes. These simple containers are stuffed with tiny notes written by Mary, asking and praying for everything from the right flooring for her daughter’s new home to a cure for her own blood cancer. Mary’s petitions are presented with love and without expectation. Note by note, Quinlan unearths insights into her mother’s compassion, faith, and perseverance, and revelations of her innermost thoughts – nostalgic, surprising and even a bit shocking. And through the journey, the author discovers her own more empathetic, more engaged self – the woman her mother had believed in all along. The God Box is already receiving advanced praise from Liz Gilbert, Reba McEntire, Lee Woodruff and Jeffrey Zaslow among others. As Project You readers, we would like to present you the chance to get in on this very special project by offering you the first chapter of The God Box for free. If that’s not enough to convince you to join in the Role Mommy Book Club fun, we will be giving readers the chance to meet Mary Lou Quinlan to discuss the book in further detail. If you’re interested in receiving an advance copy of The God Box, send us an email to ProjectYouMagazine@gmail.com. Check out the book trailer! projectyou

project you By Eric Ruhalter

The (d.a.) D-LIST of

Ways to Survive Being Snowed In At Home with Surly, Bickering, Disconsolate Children ● Challenge them to

game of Hide-and-NoSeek. They hide. You lie down on couch and close your eyes.

● Benadryl Milkshakes. ● Shut off main

breaker switch and pretend there’s a power outage. Have them scavenge for flashlights and candles.

● Sit by window, watch

for lone animals surfacing from their layers to forage the snowy yard for food. Envy their grace and their fortitude, and the fact that they’re not where you are.

● Fake workplace

emergency. Go and stay there.

● Disguise household

chores as thrilling carnival games.

● Set clocks ahead 5

hours. Put kids to bed at 3 in the afternoon.

Mathdramatics

e have a word - ARITHMATRIX. That is the point at which a child’s school math assignments surpass his parents’ mathematical ability. We have reached the Arithmatrix with my oldest child and the others are approaching fast. Mind you, I was quite good at math, but haven’t touched it since 1980something. And, like so many things (foreign language, athletic skills, bedroom prowess), if you don’t use it, you lose it. (I mean, that’s what I hear.)

KidDictionary Word:

ARITHMATRIX

(ay-RITH-mah-TRIKS) n.: The point at which a child’s math homework assignments surpass their parents’ mathematical abilities. This became clear when my middle My hat is off to home schooling parschooler started bringing home worksheets ents for their intelligence, skills retention, as confounding as assembly instructions and the patience they must demfor Ikea furniture. When I tried to onstrate day in and day out. I help him, we wound up fighting; would love to develop my mind demonstrating that you can be and character to be capable of a fully functional adult, like me, TheKid home schooling my children without having any grasp of Dictionary.com as well. But only if the school things he’s spending all day in would be willing to, in return, school trying to learn. school-home them every morning, Hence, home schooling parents evening and over night. I’m guessing make me feel inadequate. Each mornthat’s unlikely. So we’ll just keep it how it is ing my wife and I wake the kids, get them for now, and hope the kids and their teachcleaned up, dressed, fed, bags packed and er can work through the math thing. ■ out the door and we’re panting with physical and emotional exhaustion. But if you’re a home school parent, they’re not out the door; they’re seated at the dining room ta- Eric Ruhalter’s book The Kid Dictionary: Hilarious Words To Describe ble waiting for you to enrich them. Or not. the Indescribable Things Kids Do That’s a lot of pressure, work. and, I imag- is debuting everywhere in March ine, stress-related years shaved off your life from Sourcebooks. expectancy.

A Role Mommy Magazine l February 2012

Eric Ruhalter

“Take care of your health, but don’t lose out on life by being consumed with your weight. Believe me, in five years when you look back at pictures of you taken today, you’ll say, ‘Gee, how thin I was!’” —Karen Susssman, Denver, Colorado

“If you are rejected, whatever you do don’t give up. The only way to experience real success is to experience failure many times over.” —Beth Feldman

“Listen to that inner voice inside of you pushing you to pursue your dreams. One of the best things I ever did was to take time for ME. When I was 35, I closed my business and went in p ursuit of an inner journey. I traveled the world and lived in South America for a long time. I completely shifted my life. And in the end, it was worth it because I did what I truly wanted to do. I believe dreams do come true in this lifetime: go for it!” —Jill Lublin, Nevato, CA

“Whatever it is that I would tell my younger self would be conveyed in Spanish, because I’m ashamed that at this age, in these times, and living in the worlds’ melting pot, I don’t speak more than one language.” —Karla Swatek, Carlsbad, CA

“Don’t compromise your principles to be accepted. And don’t think that there is something wrong with you because you think differently than your classmates, workmates, neighbors. In fact, general acceptance/mass approval is grossly over rated.” —Betty Bisaccia-Hanson, Philadelphia, PA

Between us

“Don’t be afraid to take risks.’ As it ended up, I became a risk-taker later in life and it has profited me both materially and emotionally. Fate pushed me into taking risks. But I wish my younger self had been more confident about my abilities.” —Harriet Brand, New York City

“Hindsight is one of our best teachers. What I wish I knew then: Ask questions! I was sometimes afraid of looking stupid and wouldn’t ask the questions I was thinking because I thought everyone else must already know the answer -- but was always grateful when someone else would ask the very same questions. This has been the hardest lesson to learn as I’ve gotten older. It takes courage to ask the questions, but the payoff is great.” —Rhea Cook, Elizabeth, NJ

©www.istock.com/ julos

Live and Learn I

Advice for Your Younger Self. By Jeanne Muchnick

f you could rewind your life ten years, or twenty years, what would you tell yourself? Is there something you know now that you wish you knew then? Does age bring wisdom? According to Suzy Allegra, author of How to be Ageless: Growing Better, Not Just Older (Celestial Arts) you can control how you age and live a healthier life in the process. By learning how to reconnect with the gifts that you already possess, you’ll learn how to conquer aging hang-ups, shed self-defeating attitudes and ultimately refocus your energies toward a vivacious, satisfying life. “Your attitude means everything in being ageless,” she says. Here’s what other women say about what they’ve learned over the years and the advice they’d give their younger self (if their younger self would listen). ■ projectyou

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Learning Resilience

esistance: Doesn’t it help make the world go round? Who are we all if not for the challenges we have faced? I know that my challenges have shaped me into who I am and have given me the strength to get through every day. I am 42-yearsold and have three children with chronic medical conditions, two of which are lifethreatening and require near constant monitoring 24/7. Everyday is a roller coaster and I can never let my guard down. If I do, or if I make a mistake, there are always consequences requiring immediate intervention. When I think of resistance, I think of adversity. Experiencing challenges can make you stronger but it can also be inconvenient and piss you off. My mother is a strong woman, and I think that because of her I have always resisted taking the easier path. She had such high standards for my academic and professional achievements that I was afraid of disappointing her. I worked hard and did well in high school, not just academically but also in all of the extra-curricular activities necessary to distinguish myself from the other college applicants. I graduated from Cornell and went to medical school. After completing my pediatric residency, I joined a medical practice. Life was good—though hard at the same time. I love children and I love the field of pediatrics, but I always wondered if it was worth the challenge and crazy hours. About six months after my first son Ethan was born (two years into my medi16

A Role Mommy Magazine l February 2012

cal practice) I knew I wanted to be home more. I resisted this desire until I was at my 10 year college reunion and saw that many of my friends had started to work part-time or stay at home with their kids. These were smart, professional women and if they could do it, then why not me? I asked my boss for one day off per week, which had been unprecedented up until that point. After my second son was born 22 months later, I realize that this wasn’t enough. Ethan’s nine- month birthday was on 9/11, the same day my husband miraculously survived the WTC disaster by walking down 87 floors. This event transformed our family-we were given the gift of perspective at a relatively young stage of our lives. Still deep in shock without having had time to process this whole tragedy, I went to work the following day. The office is very busy in September. Children still need their school physicals, and kids are always getting sick. Everyone was talking about 9/11, parents actually complaining to me about how they were so tired because they stayed up late watching the news… I remember floating through the day on my own gray cloud. Terribly sad for this tragedy, shocked at how close I came to losing everything, and guilty that I wasn’t home with my wonderful husband. A good friend later said to me “if I were you I would have chained myself to Adam (my husband) and never let go.” I understood after that day why people are encouraged

One Woman’s Journey Through Challenging Times By Debbie Mayblum

ful. I questioned my choice of profession. Why did I do this? Why did I listen to my mother? Why not a physical or occupational therapist? Or nurse? We had our third son Ari in August of 2006. Part of my decision in having another child with my husband was that I would only return to work three days a week. My boss agreed to remove me from the inpatient ward rotations, which I had begun to hate. Unfortunately, Ari needed to be delivered by emergency C-section and complications of this surgery left me with a disabling painful neuropathy. It has improved over the past five years, but at the time I was not hopeful it would ever improve. I had gone back to work with this lighter 3 day/week schedule, but the pain took everything out of me. It was interfering with my ability to enjoy my family, be a good parent, and enjoy my life. After trying many therapies with many doctors, I decided that a surgery to resect the problematic nerve was the best option. This controversial surgery was only performed by a special neurosurgeon in Georgetown and we planned the surgery for September 2007. Ultimately, I canceled the surgery because of other symptoms that cropped up, and this turned out to be the luckiest stroke of fate. Three days after the scheduled sur-

Between us

to drive immediately after they have been in a car accident. We need to prove our strength to ourselves before the paralysis of fear sets in. I would say that the gift of perspective stayed pretty strong for about two years. Part of our decision to have another child was that I would only return to work three days a week. In October 2002 we were blessed with another beautiful baby boy. While the national census shows a dramatic dip of births in 2002 due to 9/11, the Mayblum family was not wasting precious time in getting on with our lives. That is why returning to work after my second maternity leave was such a challenge. My first 2 pregnancies were very difficult. I was hospitalized for a few weeks during both for pre-term labor and required IV meds and twice daily monitoring at home for three months. I wanted to be home more with my kids and I couldn’t for several reasons. Through my husband and my own experiences, I recognized how lucky I was. I knew what mattered. A healthy growing family, alive and intact. I enjoyed my work as a pediatrician, but I desperately wanted more time with my own. The issue of conflicted working moms is not particularly unique or interesting, for that matter. But for me, it was very pain-

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Dr. Debra Etelson-Mayblum is a pediatrician living in Westchester with her husband and three children. She is an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at New York Medical College. 18

gery (when I would have been recovering in a hospital in Washington DC) 13-monthold Ari ended up in the Pediatric ICU with Diabetic Ketoacidosis. His only symptom had been an awful diaper rash and frequent urination. When I realized Ari had diabetes (one of my former residents brought me the lab slip that said his blood sugar was 880-that’s near coma level) I screamed. Being a doctor, I knew our lives would never ever be the same again. What I didn’t realize until after the first few weeks of Ari’s diagnosis was that diabetes was five times harder than I ever imagined. Managing and accepting Ari’s diabetes has been the biggest challenge I ever faced. Everyday is a battle. As life teaches us, one challenge doesn’t make us immune to other challenges. Within the past four years, our family has continued to challenge us. My son Kyle had a near fatal experience with the swine flu in 2009, saved by a ventilator in the same ICU where Ari was two years before. My mother had traumatic brain injury from a fall during skiing which required brain surgery and reha-

A Role Mommy Magazine l February 2012

bilitation. And unbelievably, impossibly, my oldest son Ethan was diagnosed with diabetes last year at the age of nine. He actually diagnosed himself on the way to summer camp in a carpool with five other boys. He decided to check his own blood sugar after helping me check Ari during a particularly hectic morning. Like it or not, life provides resistance to avoid a road that is too smooth, a path that is too simple. Why, we ask so many times, do we need these challenges? To provide the fortitude we need to persevere? When is enough really enough? And when it comes to our children especially, not ourselves or our parents or even our spouses. When the challenges involve or affect our children…well what can be harder that? But I do know that I have three happy, loving children who are taking the world by storm and have every intention of fulfilling their dreams. So if the years have presented me with challenges and strengthened me, well then I’ll take that. And I’ll carry that with me, not as burdens weighing on my back but as a strong shield across my chest. ■

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