MEGHANA VINJAMURY
30 | THE PROSPECTOR
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Dear Reader, My story starts on the first day of sixth grade, when a new friend asked me, “Wait if you’re South Indian, does that mean you use Fair and Lovely because you’re kinda light for one?” As I walked out of the science classroom that day, these words echoed around my head. I hadn’t encountered this stereotype in elementary school, but it seemed to be a memo I didn’t get; that a south Indian with my skin tone must be using skin bleaching products. I felt like a fraud even though I went to a school where South Asians were a majority because, from first impression, everyone assumed I was Punjabi when I wasn’t. And I felt like I had to play along with that narrative to fit in.
Fast forward to the Monday after Diwali 2016, as I shared the traditions my families followed to celebrate, I received odd looks from people all over the classroom. I was told these weren’t actual traditions since they weren’t celebrated in North India. I felt this urge to be more North Indian to feel “normal” and validated. I thought I had to lose touch with my Southern roots so I wouldn’t be ashamed anymore, so I wouldn’t have to feel out of place. Regardless of having a closeknit community of family friends who spoke the same South Indian language as me, I attempted to hide my South Indian traits when I was around them as well. In Telugu culture, a half-saree is the typical traditional attire for a teenage girl. Instead of wearing one to the various poojas (prayers) as I had been before, I ditched them for lehengas.
Lehengas are typically associated with North Indian culture, but I felt safer in them as thoughts of people seeing me in something different from their stereotypes filled my head. Somehow, I made it through middle school, but I left with a more “northwashed” version of myself, losing touch with my South Indian roots. I thought presenting myself as more North Indian in high school would make me feel “normal,” but that was far from true. This time I felt like I couldn’t express anything traditional without being judged, so I attempted to whitewash myself, taking everything a step further. From not going to poojas when I had the chance to and rarely celebrating Indian festivals, I lost connection with my culture aside from speaking the language and watching movies. At the same time,
