OP-ED: ‘Twas a

’Twas a year before the election...

With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore

’Twas a year before the election, and all through the town, Many citizens were hiding, afraid of being shot down. The city’s finances are shaky and the neighborhoods are rough, Everybody’s praying for an election that can’t come soon enough.

The candidates were looking for ideas that would resonate, While visions of winning made them feel great! And voters in masks, and I in my cap, Worried about spending the millions that had fell in our lap.

When right in downtown there arose such a clatter, I tried to find any news of what was the matter. Not a word on TV, nothing on Facebook or Twitter And as for the papers, they were already litter.

It was a full moon, but thank God no snow, The way they plow, I’d have nowhere to go. I looked through the haze, expecting a blaze, But all I could see were candidates in four di erent sleighs.

Each had a driver, all anxious and slick, I knew come next year, I’d get to see every trick. The city’s a mess, so they all should gain traction, They’ll be yipping and yapping and calling for action!

"Now Nirva! Now Michael! Now, Gonzalo and Brett!” Who’s ahead and who will join is still anyone’s bet! From the base of Hartford Park! To the top of Prospect Park! The race is on and they’ll all be looking for that spark!

With our schools in shambles and those annoying bike lanes, The second-floor o ce desperately awaits new brains. Illegal ATVs and gangs have replaced the mob, Hopefully the new Mayor will let the cops do their job! As they circled my chimney, I thought I was cursed, They couldn’t even agree on who should go first. “I’m the lady,” said Nirva “so let me go down And I work at Brown… and they own the town.”

“I declared first,” said Gonzalo, “And I’m not going to vanish And, of course you all know I’m fluent in Spanish.” “I headed the Council,” Michael said, “so I should have dibs. Besides I’ll be most welcomed with my cookies and ribs.”

Bret knows government and worked with Gina and in City Hall. As he slowly moved closer, I was impressed by his gall. But before he could get there a fifth sleigh whizzed by, And a familiar old face looked down to say “hi.”

He was smoking a cigar and had a scotch in his hand, He had a big smile, you’d never know he had been banned. He called for an aide and miraculously one was there, Oh my God I thought, next someone will bring him his hair.

“When I left things were fine, now everywhere looks gritty! The next Mayor will have their hands full restoring my city! The finances are bad, the streets are a wreck and tra c is slowed, My sleigh got stopped by panhandlers on almost every road.

“The schools are in trouble, and where’s the a ordable housing? The only thing that seems to be working is the late-night carousing. There aren’t enough cops, and the public safety o ce is a joke, Maybe it’s time to do what’s right, and not kowtow to the woke!”

He headed to his sleigh, shouting, “I’m late, use the siren.” But first thanked the candidates, for at least they were tryin.’ And I heard him exclaim in a voice full of mirth, “Happy Holidays to all in the greatest city on earth.”