‘Just go with the flow’

sat in a circle of chairs and began sharing their experiences caring for their parents and spouses who are declining due to age and illness.

by CHRIS BURRITT NW GUILFORD/GREENSBORO –

Three women and two men recently

A daughter explained her fright when she saw her elderly mother zipping across the lawn on a riding mower, reliving the days when she could safely cut the yard.

A wife described the daily battle of helping her wheelchair-bound husband take a shower when he weighs more than she does. Due to his fluctuating blood pressure, he is prone to fainting when he stands up.

A son explained that he and his brother and sister are close to “hyperventilating” over the costs of the assisted living facility in Greensboro where their parents live. The expenses spiral higher as residents move to more advanced care.

“You learn to adapt and just to go with the flow,” said Denise Pender, her husband’s caregiver for nearly 20 years. She and the four others gathered in Greensboro in May, as part of a caregivers’ support group sponsored by Well-Spring Solutions, affiliated with the Well-Spring Life Plan Community in Greensboro.

Meeting three times a month in Greensboro and High Point, the group offers a glimpse of the challenges facing caregivers. As much as possible, Jodi Kolada, Well-Spring Support’s director of caregiver support, recommended that caregivers respect the wishes of their loved ones and consult with them on decisions.

“In some fashion, they want to help; they want to do; they want to feel meaningful; they want to feel value,” Kolada said. “Even when you tell them that what they’re doing is not safe, you don’t want them to feel you’re treating them like a child. So it’s a tough balance.”

As they shared their struggles and misgivings about the care they were providing, Kolada urged the caregivers to try to look after themselves as well