about belong Imagine being the prince or princess of your own country but being alone, where the only thing you rule is your own isolation. That’s how it is in Sealand, one of the world’s most unusual countries, which resides on a WWII antiaircraft gun platform off the coast of England. It was one of several sea forts built to house and maintain an artillery squadron to protect Britain from German aircraft and missiles. After the war, the British abandoned the sea forts and most were dismantled. The few exceptions included one known as the Roughs Tower, located some six miles off the English coast, in the North Sea. The Tower’s unique location, in international waters, opened the door to occupation. On September 2, 1967, a former British Army major named Roy Bates formally occupied the platform and settled there with his family, proclaiming it as his own state. Bates bestowed upon himself the title of Prince and the title of Princess to his wife, and then formally declared the Principality of Sealand. excursions 1. the dna of belonging 2. interconnected being (Part 1) 3. interconnected being (Part 2)
Prince Roy and the royal family, along with “other persons that have declared loyalty to Sealand,” have occupied Sealand ever since. The population rarely exceeds five on the 5,923 square feet of rusting steel and pitted concrete.
In order to serve its patrons proudly, the Principality of Sealand maintains a formal government and such amenities and necessities as a postal service, currency, legal system, and passports.
Belong 1
When we have been disappointed or hurt by others, or are afraid others won’t like us if they know who we really are, we often “pull a Sealand,” creating a makeshift private world where we live disconnected from authentic relationships. When we do, we withdraw from the one place where God meets us to make all things new: Authentic belonging. Belonging— life-giving connectedness to others— is messy and takes courage, hard work, and perseverance. But here, and only here, can we become all that God has created us to be, both for our sake and for others. Welcome to “un-Sealand”—a journey toward authentic community.
2 Belong
excursion one
The DNA of Belonging
Piglet sidled up behind Pooh. “Pooh,” he whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.” Winnie the Pooh
I loaned you money when the funds weren’t too cool I talked your folks out of making you cut off your hair. The Beach Boys, “Friends”
An honest answer is the sign of true friendship. King Solomon
4 Belong
Excursion one
Being real is messy business. There’s no way around it. It means risking rejection and facing the bad behavior of others. . .and ourselves. The reward is freedom, and the joy of being fully alive to all that God created us to be. But it comes at a cost. The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it. “What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?” “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.” “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit. Belong 5
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.” “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?” “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” “I suppose you are real?” said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled. “The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,” he said. “That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.” The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.1
1. Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit: Or How to Become Real (New York: Doubleday, 1922), 5-8. 6 Belong
Excursion one
As we embrace and walk in our true identity in Christ, we are free to engage and embrace others for who they really are. We no longer need to defend ourselves, prove our worth or measure up. And instead of coming to community to prey upon others to meet our own emotional needs for affirmation, acceptance, security, or significance, we come as a giver of life. Welcome to the search for a roadmap to real.
Belong 7
Getting real about community In a world where “friend” is now a verb, many still long for the reality of the noun— for personal face-to-face relationships characterized by unshakable care and commitment. While Facebook, Twitter, and instant messaging connect isolated individuals through electronic keystrokes, many are searching for “something more”—for authentic community.
G
Mike and Amy have participated in the same couple’s small group for nine years. “We have a lot of fun, study the Bible, and sometimes even vacation together. But the truth is we rarely— if ever—talk about what is really going on in each other’s lives: What we struggle with, where God is at work, our fears, hopes, etc. We all say that we want ‘authentic community.’ The reality is that we don’t know how to get there.”
[Community] is the place where our limitations and egoism are
revealed to us. . .We discover our poverty and our weaknesses, our inability to get on with people, our mental and emotional blocks, our affective or sexual disturbances, our seemingly insatiable desires, our frustrations and jealousies, our hatred and our wish to destroy. While we were alone, we could believe we loved everyone. Now that we are with others, we realize how incapable we are of
Mike and Amy are not alone. Most people long for authentic relationships where they are truly known, loved, accepted, and forgiven. Rather than look for it “out there,” the key is to become a bringer of authentic life to others—to live out the very thing we are looking for. Although the idea of authentic community is often compelling, it comes with a price. Unlike our electronic relationships, in community the realities of our inner lives are exposed. There is no hiding. . .even from ourselves.
loving, how much we deny life to others. Jean Vanier, Community and Growth
8 Belong
At the heart of authentic community is love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
Excursion one
Love is a commitment of the will—not a feeling—to seek God’s best in the lives of others. It means wanting and working for others to be free of anything that inhibits God’s image from being fully manifest in their lives, and to be freed up to love as Jesus loved. When this vision dominates the hearts of a majority within a group, the power of authentic community is life-changing. Acceptance is the willingness to embrace others, if for no other reason than that they are made in the image of God. This means shedding our prejudices and honestly addressing our thinking and emotional distortions that flow out of our life experience. And at the heart of community is forgiveness. A relationship is only authentic and stable when it is founded on the acceptance of weakness, on forgiveness and on the hope of growth. If community reaches its height in celebration, its heart is forgiveness.2 Community takes hard work and a long time. It is never completely finished. It is alive and dynamic, always either tending toward vitality or dysfunction. And while the journey demands patience and persistence, we can not enter into without being changed ourselves. How does authentic community happen? What is the DNA of a way of being that is compelling, contagious, and transforming? The Apostle Paul gives us an inside look at the DNA of authentic relationships—a thing called “love”—a different way of being.
2. Ibid., 10. Belong 9
I Corinthians 13:1-8a 1 If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
The Context In his first letter to Christ-followers in the Greek city of Corinth, the Apostle Paul tackles several different controversies. The values of the culture had begun to shape their attitudes and actions. Paul addresses the young church by challenging their unhealthy beliefs and presenting them with a look at the “real.” A segment of the church had begun to think of themselves as spiritually “having already arrived.” Accordingly, the spiritual focus of the Corinthian church had shifted from relational belonging to spiritual posturing, where performance was more important than people. While it may have looked good from the outside, it was cancer on the inside. In opposition to these false values, Paul describes the ‘real thing’— the dynamics that characterize authentic, Christ-empowered relationships. Similar to a Beethoven masterpiece, Paul engages us in a symphony of insights and wisdom organized into three distinct movements. Let’s take a look at what this DNA is all about.3
3. Five of the words in this passage are found only here in the New Testament. Another four words are used only one other time. Paul’s word selection appears to be very deliberate, as he carefully makes his case about this important issue. 10 Belong
Excursion one
First movement Paul starts with two clauses—one passive and one active—about how love expresses itself to others. Patient is macros (long) + thumos (passion). It means to never give up. This kind of patience is slow to become resentful. When giving up is not an option, it is amazing how emotionally adaptive and resourceful we can become. Kind means to care more for others than for self. As opposed to codependent behavior, which is a search for identity through acceptable behavior, this kind of love is born out of an identity anchored in self-acceptance, which provides a platform for caring.
Second movement …It [love] does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 4
Next, we find a series of eight verbs that tell us what love doesn’t do. It causes us to look at our own lives and ask what is really going on inside. Does not envy means that real love does not want what it does not have. Envy is the painful or resentful awareness of something that someone else has, and a desire to possess that same thing. Authentic love does not tolerate rivalry or competition, either for positions of influence or to try to win the affections of others in order to gain favor. Does not boast means, “to play the braggart.” Love does not call attention to itself. It does not strut, even when it is justified. Love is not concerned with building the self up.
Belong 11
Is not proud is a word meaning “bellows,” a hand-held accordionlike device which is expanded and collapsed to fan a fire. Like a bellows, love is not expanded, i.e., puffed up. It does not have a swelled head. It does not point out the errors in others in order to look good. This addresses our internal posture of how we evaluate and carry ourselves in relation to others. At the core of humility is an understanding of our own fragility and dependence upon God. Is not rude. That is, it does not treat anyone in a wrong way. It is not unfair or indecent. Love does not point out the failings or imperfections in others, but rather protects and honors the dignity due to each person as being created in the image of God. Is not self-seeking means love is not “me first.” The primary concern is not what you can get out of a situation or relationship. Selfishness is a genuinely human trait that only love can conquer. This kind of love is prepared to give up what it is entitled to, for the sake of others. It is not enamored with self-justification, selffulfillment, or self-promotion. It is genuinely other-oriented. Is not easily angered. Love absorbs a blow. When a small rubber ball is thrown against a brick wall, it bounces back to whomever threw it. When that wall is a mattress, the ball simply drops to the ground. Authentic love is elastic enough to withstand the tension created by the careless acts of others without returning the hurt. Keeps no record of wrongs means that love does not keep a scorecard. The word used here is borrowed from the world of accounting, where it meant to make a note in a financial ledger. It means “to count up.” Authentic love does not hang around waiting 12 Belong
Excursion one
to settle a score (“One day I will have my opportunity, and they will regret what they did to me.”) What does love do with the evil it is confronted by? It takes it upon itself, and disposes of it where it can be dealt with—at the Cross. Does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. “Love does not revel when others grovel, but instead, takes pleasure when the truth shows up on the scene.” (Message Translation). Love does not take delight in the fall of another. It refuses to gossip about the things others do, even if they are true. Love is not gladdened when the image of God in another is distorted, damaged or destroyed, whether by their own doing or the actions of another. Instead, love rejoices in the possibilities of the truth, knowing that only it can heal and set one free.
Authentic love is elastic enough to withstand the tension created by the careless acts of others without returning the hurt Belong 13
Taking inventory Self-knowledge is essential to spiritual growth. Without it, we never know what to take to the Cross and put to death. Let’s examine our attitudes, thoughts, and beliefs based on the discussion above. Then, put an “x” on the continuum below to indicate how you feel about these areas of your life, and explain. I do not envy. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
I do not boast. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
I am not proud. . . Are you kidding?
Explain:
14 Belong
That’s totally true
Excursion one
I am not rude. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
I am not self-seeking. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
I am not easily angered. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
Belong 15
I keep no record of wrongs. . . Are you kidding?
That’s totally true
Explain:
I do not delight in evil, but rejoice in the truth. . . Are you kidding?
Explain:
16 Belong
That’s totally true
Excursion one
Third movement 7
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Paul now sums up his teaching with four non-negotiables—four “always statements” that describe the essential ingredients of love. Without these ingredients, you can’t call it “love.” When it comes to recipes, you can dabble a little here and there without anyone noticing much. However, like chocolate without sugar, without these ingredients stirred together, it would not be love. Always protects. Protect comes from the word for “roof.” Like a roof, love covers all things throughout all of the changing seasons of life. It provides a shelter from the pounding storms of conflict, from the blistering heat of relational meltdown, and the arctic chill of depression and hopelessness. Love covers the faults of others— and, not in a dysfunctional way, as love always tells the truth. Love knows that there is a pathway to tomorrow, and tenaciously preserves the possibility for anyone to travel it.4
4. So, I Peter 4:8 Belong 17
Always trusts, particularly, always trusts God. Love hangs on to the truth about God’s sovereign love, even though appearances seem otherwise. It involves a humility which acknowledges that the drama of our lives may have many acts. Love is always cabled to truth, and therefore, love never loses faith. Always hopes, that is, always looks for the best. Love seeks out latent or hidden possibilities that lurk in the shadows, fully knowing that God’s redemptive power is at work in all circumstances, despite all appearances to the contrary.5 Love recognizes both the presence and possibilities of hope, and gently nudges it out into the light where it can grow. Always perseveres means that love never looks back—that it brings an energy that rekindles itself with each step it takes, enduring until the end. When it comes to overcoming difficulties, love finds a way through.
The finish Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 8
5. Romans 8:28 18 Belong
Excursion one
As Paul concludes this passage, he points to the permanence of love, saying that only love will ultimately endure. Everything else, including all of our spiritual activities and accomplishments (verses 1-3), are intended to promote and express love. They will one day cease. Instead, love is permanent. When perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When building a house, once it is complete, the blueprints are no longer needed. Once we have the ‘real thing’ the plans and pictures no longer have any use. Concerning the spiritual life, at the return of Christ when His followers are translated into Heaven with Him, spiritual knowledge, experiences, and deeds no longer have any value. They are only a means to an end. Either they will have effectively tutored us and equipped us in the way of love. . .or they will be revealed for what they are in and of themselves—worthless. When I was a child... Just as children progress through various stages of development, we need to do the same in our understanding of the spiritual life. If we hang on to spiritual knowledge, experiences, and actions as an end in themselves, we remain arrested at an infantile stage of spiritual understanding. Now we see but a poor reflection... To see a friend’s face in a cheap bronze mirror is very different than looking directly in their face. Spiritual knowledge, experiences, and actions are only blurred reflections of the real thing—which is love. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. It’s interesting how this passage concludes. It ends with a statement, not an invitation. It makes no call to action... no forceful appeal... it says nothing about what we’re commanded to do. Rather, it just sits there.
Belong 19
Instead of mastering these words, we find that these words seek to master us Diamonds are valuable. At the same time, they don’t do much. They typically just sit there. Here in the custom made setting of the New Testament, these diamonds sit and sparkle at us. However, one thing diamonds can do is cut. These words also cut. They make a careful, surgical incision across the tough exterior of our lives, and expose our unseen person. Instead of mastering these words, we find that these words seek to master us. They question us about what really exists at the core of our personhood. As they sit on the page in front of us, Paul’s words ask us to search our interior hideouts to see if we are ruled by Christian love. These statements take a fierce inventory of our inner life, inviting us to carefully examine our hidden motivations. The words investigate our inclinations, affections, and appetites. And they inspect our conscience and will, exposing our own brokenness and our tireless attempts to defend, protect and build ourselves up. In the end, these words bring us back to the Cross, because we know that to love like this is ridiculously impossible given the self-focused nature we were born with. At the Cross, we’re invited to die so that we can be resurrected. And dying is painful, complicated, and messy work.
20 Belong
Excursion one
Praying through Spiritual formation is a process, not an event. Life in Christ is a dynamic, interactive dialogue involving all of who we are. Accordingly, let’s create some space to practice the Presence of God and to be attentive and responsive to what He shows us. Slowly read through the various descriptions of love. As you pray and meditate upon these truths, ask the Holy Spirit to show you where this kind of love is growing within you. What does He show you? List everything that you sense is an insight into where God is at work in your life changing your heart.
Belong 21
Now, slowly re-read the definitions of love, and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal specifically what inhibits the full expression of love within you. What does He show you? Make a note of everything that comes to mind.
22  Belong
excursion two
Interconnected Being (Part 1)
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends. J. K. Rowling
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being. Goethe
The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part. The apostle Paul
24  Belong
Excursion two
The story is told of a monastery that had fallen upon hard times. Although once a dynamic order, all if its branch houses had closed, and only five monks remained: The abbot and four others, all over seventy years in age. The future of the movement looked bleak. In the deep woods surrounding the monastery was a little hut that a rabbi occasionally used for personal retreats and solitude. Somehow the old monks could always sense when the rabbi was at his hut. “The rabbi is in the woods, the rabbi is in the woods,” they would whisper. It occurred to the abbot that a visit the rabbi might provide some insight or advice about how to save his monastery. The rabbi welcomed the abbot to his hut. But when the abbot explained his visit, the rabbi could only say, “I know how it is. The spirit has gone out of the people. It is the same in my town. Almost no one comes to the synagogue anymore.” So the old abbot and the old rabbi wept together. Then they read parts of the Scriptures together and shared about their journey with God. When the abbot got up to leave, they embraced each other. “It has been a wonderful that we should meet after all these years,” the abbot said, “but I have failed in my purpose for coming here. Is there nothing you can tell me that would help me save my dying order?” Belong 25
“No, I am sorry,” the rabbi responded. “I have no advice to give. But, I can tell you that the Messiah is among you.” When the abbot returned to the monastery his fellow monks gathered around him. “Well what did the rabbi say?” “The rabbi said something very mysterious; it was something cryptic. He said that the Messiah is among us. I don’t know what he meant.” In the following days and weeks, the old monks pondered and discussed the significance to the rabbi’s words. The Messiah is among us? Could he possibly have meant that He is one of us monks? If so, which one? Do you suppose he meant the abbot? Yes, if he meant anyone, he probably meant Father Abbot. He has been our leader for more than a generation. On the other hand, he might have meant Brother Thomas. Certainly Brother Thomas is a holy man. Everyone knows that Thomas is a man of prayer and devotion. Certainly he could not have meant Brother Elred! Elred gets moody at times. But come to think of it, even though he gets irritable, when you look back on it, Elred is virtually always right. Often, very right. Maybe the rabbi meant Brother Elred? But surely not Brother Phillip. Phillip is so passive, a real nobody. However, almost mysteriously, he has a gift for always being there when you need him. He just magically appears. Maybe Phillip is the Messiah? Of course the rabbi didn’t mean me. He couldn’t possibly have meant me. I’m just an ordinary person, with my own limitations and needs. Yet supposing he did? Suppose I am the Messiah? I couldn’t be that important to you, O God, could I? 26 Belong
Excursion two
As they contemplated, the old monks began to treat each other with extraordinary respect on the chance that one among them might be the Messiah. People still occasionally came the to beautiful forest to visit the monastery and to picnic on its manicured lawn and to walk some of the scenic paths, even to meditate in the run-down chapel. As they did so, they sensed the aura of extraordinary respect and acceptance that began to surround the five old monks. There was something strangely compelling about it. Hardly knowing why, people from near and far were drawn to come back to the monastery to picnic, play, and pray. They began to bring their friends to this special place. And their friends brought their friends. Many of the younger men who came to visit the monastery started to talk more and more with the old monks, and after a while one asked if he could join them. Then another and another. So within a few years the monastery had once again become a thriving order and, thanks to the rabbi’s gift, a place where transforming love and acceptance became contagious to all who got close to it.1
1.  Author unknown. The Rabbi’s Gift exists in many forms. This shortened version is adapted from, www.community4me.com. Belong 27
Lectio Divina Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 9
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either
of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend
themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
28  Belong
Excursion two
Relinquish, relinquere • To “leave behind”; choosing availability to God’s invitations; relinquishing the heart. • A fixed resolve ahead of time to obedience. • Inner shift from distraction to awaiting.
Reading, lectio • Ingesting the words, absorbing their meaning. • Instead of mastering the text, allowing the text to master us. • Inner shift from control to receptivity.
Thinking, meditatio • Horizontal focus. • Not, “What does this passage mean?” but, “How does Jesus want to reveal Himself to me, or what does He want to say to me, through this passage?” • Gnawing on words, awakened and alert to God’s possibilities in and through them. • Inner shift from analysis to awakening.
Praying, oratio • Acknowledging and embracing God’s invitations. • Our response can look like many things, e.g. thanks, conviction, hope, tears, praise, confession, repentance, courage, choosing, worship, giving, etc. • Inner shift from observation to obedience.
Responding to God, contemplatio • Vertical focus— personal, dialogical. • Dialogue— consisting of both receiving and responding. • Inner shift from processing to Presence.
Belong 29
Ephesians 4:16 From him [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
The apostle Paul’s carefully chosen and finely crafted words provide a dynamic description of authentic Christian community. The Context In the first three chapters of Ephesians, the apostle Paul explores what it means to be a Christ-follower, e.g., saints, predestined, chosen, adopted. This new reality is the result of what God has done for us through His Jesus Christ. Chapter four begins with the word therefore, as Paul transitions from the ‘what’ to the ‘how.’ He is beginning to unpack how to live out this new spiritual reality in everyday life. After initial reminders about spiritual unity, Paul states that God has gifted certain people to equip others to ultimately
30 Belong
love and serve in Jesus’ name. He cautions the reader not to get swept up in various diversions and detours, but to focus on the goal— to grow up into the fullness of Christ. Having the reader’s full attention, Paul now turns to the “how to” of spiritual maturity. Instead of the myriad of spiritual strategies and tactics we might offer today, Paul keeps it simple by pointing to one thing: Vital connectedness in authentic community. And what he says is revolutionary: That a transforming, lifechanging dynamic is released in the context of intentional, authentic Christian community. Examining the Contents Ephesians 4:16 in the original Greek text is loaded with several different thoughts, all tightly tucked in together. When translated directly into English, the language is awkward and “wooden.” Our task
Excursion two
is to unpack this verse one thought at a time, and let each phrase speak for itself. The result is thrilling— tremendous insights about the inner workings of Christian community. This verse can be broken down into five fundamental ideas, each one integrally connected to the next: Christ is at work
↓ Fitting and joining the whole body together
↓ He provides sustenance to the body through every contact
↓ According to the proper working of each single part
↓ He enables the body to make its own growth, so that it builds itself up in love The complexity of the Greek is reflected in the various translations below. Each one picks up on various nuances of the original text. Read through the chart below and get a feel for some of the differences. For our study, we will follow the Markus Barth translation, which is the most literal.
Belong 31
New International
King James Version
New Living Translation
New American Standard
Markus Barth Translation
From him the whole body,
From whom the whole body
Under his direction, the whole body
from whom the whole body,
He [Christ] is at work
joined and held together
fitly joined together and compacted
is fitted together perfectly.
being fitted and held together
fitting and joining the whole body together.
by every supporting ligament,
by that which every joint supplieth,
As each part does its own special work,
by that which every joint supplies,
He provides sustenance to it through every contact
grows and builds itself up in love,
according to the effectual working in the measure of every part,
it helps other parts grow,
according to the proper working of each individual part,
according to the measure [proper working] of each single part.
as each part does its work.
maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love.
so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.
causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
He enables the body to make it’s own growth, so that it builds itself up in love.
32  Belong
Excursion two
The fundamental reality is that Jesus is at work, pouring out His very life in and through one another Insight: Christ is actively working to connect us. He [Christ] is at work.
This verse gives us a key insight into the source of authentic community—Jesus Himself. The “He” is identified as Christ from the preceding verse: Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 2
It is Jesus who is at work, empowering and facilitating this mystical but present reality of growing up into Him, that is, becoming mature and whole. And what makes this possible, what energizes and empowers this process is Christ, who is the “head.” The much debated word, “head”, kephale, is best understood here as “origin, or source of life.”3 “Head” means to be the very source from which life flows. This is the same meaning behind our use of “headwaters,” which is source or origin of a river. The headwaters issue a small bubbling flow of clear, cold water into a grassy glade. As it pools, the flow begins to chase an
2. Ephesians 4:15 3. According to H.G. Liddell and R. Scott’s, Greek-English Lexicon: A New Edition Revised and Augmented throughout by H.S. Jones [9th ed.; 2 vols] (Oxford: Clarendon, 1940), out of the thousands of Greek writings from 600 B.C. to 400 A.D., kephale has forty-eight separate English equivalents. None of them implies “leader,” “authority,” “first,” or anything similar as a possible meaning. The most common meanings are “source,” “capital” (as in architecture), and “head” (as in human physiology). In other words, in a thousand year span of time, kephale, there is no known use of this word in secular Greek usage to imply “headship” or “authority over.” Belong 33
ever-widening path of least resistance. Within a short distance, the source becomes an energetic river. As the head, Christ is the source of life to each and every Christfollower. It is from Him that we get all that we need for growth in the Christian life. Christian community is much more than activities and events. The fundamental reality is that Jesus is at work, pouring out His very life in and through one another so that we can grow toward wholeness in Him. Let’s look at how Christ chooses to make these resources available to us. Describe in your own words the nature of Christian community, including its source, dynamics, and purpose.
34  Belong
Excursion two
As we think through what this means practically, what are the implications for how we do or do not interact with others, and what is really happening in that exchange?
Belong 35
While authentic belonging holds the promise of life at its fullest, it can also be a terrifying place Insight: The process of connecting takes work. Fitting and joining the whole body together. . .
Paul takes up the metaphor of construction, using the language of a stonemason to describe how people are fitted together. Christ is actively at work “fitting and joining” His followers together. This language is used only one other time by Paul, which is also here in the book of Ephesians: In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord.4
Paul is saying that Christ-followers are being mutually adapted to each other. Christ is actively fitting together an assortment of people to become His church. And given the difference in background, personality, and beliefs, this is a daunting task. How does He do it? The apostle describes a vigorous shaping process where each piece, i.e., person, is hand fit together. This is a messy, timeconsuming, process where there are no short cuts. • Stones hewn from the distant cliffs are first washed and scrubbed with abrasives and cleaning agents to remove all the surface impurities.
4. Ephesians 2:21 36 Belong
Excursion two
• Rough-cut stones are then hammered and chiseled before being smoothed and shaped with etching tools. This is the process of cutting away impurities and blemishes—anything that would compromise the finished product. • Once cleaned and shaped, the stones are stacked together as a part of something greater than themselves. Masons drill through the core of the stones and then hammer bronze rods down through the middle, bonding the stones together. The drilling process involves friction, as crude drill bits are turned relentlessly under heat and pressure. • Then comes the mortar, which brings an uncompromising integrity to the whole structure. While authentic belonging holds the promise of life at its fullest, it can also be a terrifying place. The process of being fitted and joined together includes possible friction, pain, and even loss. For God to fit and join us together, He must first chip away the sharp edges. In community God invites us to confront our fear of others, or of being exposed for who we really are. We have to face our prejudices, hang-ups, and distortions as we engage others in honest relationships. It is precisely here that God is at work in our lives, shaping and molding us according to His image. Without community we can remain in our illusions that we genuinely love God, others and ourselves. Authentic Christian community is a place of true liberation, where we are affirmed and set-free to simply be who God created us to be.
G People talk incessantly about relationships. It is a constant theme on television, film, and in the media. Technology and media are not uniting the world. They pretend to provide a world that is internetted, but in reality, all they deliver is a simulated world of shadows. Accordingly, they make our human world more anonymous and lonely... “relationship” has become an empty center around which our lonely hunger forages for warmth and belonging. John O’Donohue Anam Cara
Belong 37
As God is “fitting and joining” you together in authentic community, specifically, what is He chipping off of you, or drilling out of you, or cleansing you from that helps you to bond to others?
And what still stands in the way of authentic relationships?
38 Belong
Excursion two
In what specific ways have you recently been used as a “conduit� of the life of Jesus to someone else?
Belong 39
Being dynamically connected to others demands intentional effort Being dynamically connected to others demands intentional effort. It’s about opening the “pipeline.” It is possible to be part of a crowd, while at the same time being totally alone. It takes intentionality to push beyond the obvious and to honestly explore and share our story with others. When we share the reasons of our heart— where we have come from, where we are headed, and why—this connection becomes a conduit through which the healing and hope of Jesus is made real to us. Releasing and embracing authentic community means risking in new ways, listening at deeper levels, and sacrificially putting others first. It means learning new ways to invite, welcome, and encourage one another. Jesus is the one who makes all this possible. He enables us “to believe that something terrific is alive in another and that something terrifically alive in us could actually touch it and good things happen.”5 True connecting happens when the life of Christ in me touches the life of Christ in you. And when that happens, Jesus’ life is released in both of us, including His vision, His care, His grace and forgiveness, along with His sustenance for all who are thirsting and hungering after truth.
5. Jean Vanier, Community and Growth (New York: Paulist Press, 1979), 1. 40 Belong
Excursion two
Insight: Christ provides sustenance through every contact. . . .He provides
So if it’s true that Christ is pouring out His life to and through each Christ-follower, to what degree does this happen? A little or a lot? Paul answers that question here. The metaphor switches from a stone mason to the human body. The first thing to note is the rich supply of life that Christ is pouring into His church. It’s not a drip... it’s a flood! The word supply or provide, from the Greek epichoregia, gives us insight into the magnanimous gift that Jesus makes available to us. This word comes from choregia, which means “to make payment for the cost of bringing out a chorus at a public festival.” The meaning goes back to the days of Athens, when the greatest of all the city’s glories was the plays written by legendary playwrights such as Aristophanes, Sophocles, and Euripides. The chorus was an integral part of the play, often involving hundreds of people, and thus the cost was immense. It was customary for a public-spirited and generous Athenian citizen to underwrite the expense. Underwriting a choregia was done only by someone who truly loved the city and was prepared to be lavishly generous on its behalf. Here we have a window into the nature of what God provides to us through one another: Magnanimous, abundant, lavish resources. In other words, God opens the pipeline in order to make His healing, His power, His forgiveness, and His possibilities available to us. The power and hope of the living Christ comes to us through one another in a magnanimous way.
Belong 41
My way of relating Using the metaphor of the different levels of a house, let’s take an honest look at how we deal with self-disclosure and interpersonal honesty. At what level do you engage in sincere self-disclosure with your close friends? Put an “x” next to the statement that best describes you.
Roof: Pretty much on the surface Second Floor: A fair degree of self-disclosure Stairs: On my way to deeper sharing Main Floor: Open and honest about the deepest issues of my life
Explain:
42 Belong
Excursion two
At what level do you take risks to challenge others—in love— about important and difficult issues?
Roof: Pretty much on the surface Second Floor: A fair degree of self-disclosure Stairs: On my way to deeper sharing Main Floor: Open and honest about the deepest issues of my life
Explain:
Belong 43
In what ways might our ability to engage in authentic relationships be linked to what God wants to accomplish, both in and through our lives?
44  Belong
excursion three
Interconnected Being (Part 2)
You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” Jim Rohn
Hold a true friend with both hands. Nigerian Proverb
By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. King Solomon
46 Belong
Excursion three
For better or worse, technology is changing the way we live and relate to others. The promise of technology has always been to give us back our lives— more time for family, friends and fun. A General Electric ad from the 1940’s promotes the promise: The four walls of the kitchen no longer hold the American housewife in solitary confinement. Because of modern technology, she works less and gets more done. The afternoons and evenings that she always needed and never had, are now hers—for her children, her shopping, her friends. Leisure is hers if she wants it.1 That promise backfired. 2 Sixty years of new technology aimed at “freeing the housewife” have cut down on the drudgery of housework, but increased the time a woman spends on it by 20 percent, compared to the time spent by her mother. The increase is even greater when compared to the time spent by her grandmother.3 1. Charles Goodrum and Helen Dalrymple, Advertising in America: The First 200 Years (New York: Harry N. Abrams Publishers, 1991), 114. 2. For example, in 1925, the average housewife spent 5.8 hours a week collecting, moving, and storing laundry. By 1980, a wealthier, better-educated housewife spent 6.2 hours a week doing laundry, because she had put an automatic washer in her basement, and she had to do all the work herself. Emerging technologies brought about an explosion of manufacturing jobs. Domestic help vacated the dullness and drudgery of household work for higher paying factory jobs. In 1900, 1 out of 7 households had domestic help. In 1920, it was 1 out of 18. In 1980 it was 1 out of 63. Today it is 1 out of 80. 3. Ruth Schwartz Cowan, More Work for Mother: The Ironies of Household Technology from the Open Hearth to the Microwave (New York: Basic Books, 1985), 65. Belong 47
That’s because technology is more than just a tool. It also shapes how we live—how we think, organize our lives, and how we do relationships. In the 1940’s, life was largely organized around centralized connections to others. A household was part of an interconnected neighborhood community, where: • Local grocers delivered their goods right to the kitchen counter. • The milkman came to the front doorstep. • Family doctors spent much of the week making house calls. • Children walked to school; sports activities happened in the neighborhood park; and kids rode their bikes to run errands for mom. New access to automobiles and public transportation, and new means of communication (telephones) and entertainment (television) helped fuel a way of living independent from others. Today we are experiencing a similar shift in how we do relationships. 48 Belong
We have immediate and constant access to each other through instant messaging, texting, email, cell phones, Twitter, Facebook®, YouTube®, Digg®, LinkedIn®, blogs, and more. But again, the medium does more than simply provide a service. It defines our experience, and shapes how we live and—in some sense—who we become. Technology is redefining the meaning of relationships. “Friend” is now a verb as much as it is a noun. Electronic communication diminishes the need for empathy, along with verbal and non-verbal cues, which is changing the relational intelligence of this generation. Despite the deluge of technology, we are frequently left wanting something more—personal connection. And yet, because of technology, our face-to-face interactions with people are in steady decline. Compared to previous generations, we spend more time relating to machines than people. We bank online or at ATMs—no tellers. At the gas station we interact with
Excursion three
“Friend” is now a verb as much as it is a noun automated pumps—no attendant to wash the windshield and discuss the weather. We scan our groceries in the self-checkout lane. No clerk, no bagger. Don’t want to go to the store? With just a few clicks on a website, sourdough and fresh vegetables materialize at the front door by dinner time. We buy our tickets from a computer for the morning light rail commute. At the airport, we check in with the computerized kiosk, which queries us about the contents of our bags, and then spits out a boarding pass. No ticket agent needed. When an unmanned radar van catches us speeding and a ticket arrives in the mail, we fire off an e-mail to our faceless insurance agent, who sits somewhere in cyberspace, responding to our needs through electronic keystrokes. The faceless Web has become the new city square. Where have all the people gone? While the population increases at an exponential rate, we spend less and less time interacting with other humans. Face-to-face interaction—both trivial and meaningful—is steadily disappearing from our lives. While social media meets a need for sharing information, the irony is that it only happens when we are alone. It is only in community that we can become all that God has created us to be, and do what he has created us to do. He made us to be part of an interconnected and interdependent web of relationships that He likens to the human body.
Belong 49
Transforming relationships are characterized by transparency, accountability, honesty, and unconditional acceptance. To what degree do you presently experience this kind of relationship with someone else?
Explain:
Let’s pick up where we left off in the last excursion and continue in our study about belonging. Here, the apostle Paul gets very specific about how a community of faith is “hardwired” to grow. 50 Belong
Excursion three
Ephesians 4:16 From him [Christ] the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Insight: The life of Christ is exchanged at every point of relational contact. . . . every contact
By what means or through what channel does the life of Christ flow from the head to the body? The text answers the question: “through every haphe,” literally, every “band” or “ligament.” One translation reads, “through every band of supply.” The lavish supply of life that comes from Christ, the source of life, is transmitted through every point of contact between the individual parts. Paul appears to be using an analogy from Aristotle’s physiology of the human body. According to Aristotle, our bodies contain a life-force—an energy—that roams from head to foot. Aristotle maintained that the various parts of the body grew when this energy came into contact with them. Accordingly, an arm or a leg grows when the supporting ligaments connect with this free-floating source of energy by channeling growth to the attached limb. In the human body, a ligament is the connection point for two bones. Similarly, every time Christ-followers connect, there exists the possibility for the generous supply of Christ’s life to be transmitted to and through one another: Faith, encouragement, hope, power, and so on. The point of this passage is to communicate how a Christian community is wired to function. Perhaps the most profound mystery Belong 51
and powerful reality about Christian community is that Christ funnels His healing, vitality, unity, nourishment, empowerment, and life through the conduit of each and every Christ-follower. Trust is invariably a key element to meaningful connection to others. Shame and fear of rejection can keep us from trusting. “If they knew who I really was, they wouldn’t like me.” As Jesus redeems our inner life, and distorted and diseased concepts of self are replaced by an identity that is fixed in Him, we are increasingly freed up to become a conduit of the life of Christ to others. What insulates you from optimally receiving and transmitting the life of Christ to others?
52 Belong
Excursion three
What will it require for you to take next steps in authentically connecting with others?
“I feel loved and accepted.”
Watch Mark’s Story at theodyssey.org/stories
Belong 53
Insight: Our lives are nurtured through our interactions with one another. . . . sustenance
What does sustenance or nurture look like? What is it that flows through the pipeline of relationships? What possibilities does authentic community hold for us? Five hidden gifts of community Authentic community is both dynamic and daunting. It is dynamic in that it pulses with the real-life possibilities and power of Jesus. It is daunting in that it exposes who we really are, both to others and ourselves. That’s the cost of being “real.” Say “Goodbye” to any idyllic notions of community. The reality is that authentic relationships are hard-fought and come at a great price. Community is the source of several “gifts” that we can
54 Belong
Excursion three
receive nowhere else in life. And without these gifts, we can never become all that God has designed us to be. The first gift of community is that we learn the truth about ourselves. “While we were alone, we could believe that we loved everyone. Now that we are with others, we realize how incapable we are of truly loving.”4 In community, we are forced to face the brutal reality that our hearts must be transformed. Only in a relationship with others do we discover the truth about our limitations, wounds, prejudices, and biases. The “poor in spirit” are blessed because they understand both their need for redemption and their lack of ability to do anything about it. Awakening and dependence is the threshold to new life. A second gift of community is that we learn how to forgive and how to be forgiven. Through honest, trusting, and compassionate relationships we can begin to believe that if others can forgive, and bless us in the name of Jesus, then maybe, just maybe, Jesus can too. And this opens the door to us being freed up from guilt and shame, to become wounded healers in the lives of others. Left to our own, we can remain stuck in unforgiveness, and both never experience the intimacy of God nor be a conduit of His love to others. We also learn what hope is and are reminded where to look for it. When hope is lost, life comes to a dead end. In those times when we wander off the trail and get hopelessly disoriented in a curtain of fog, a trusted voice calling in the darkness can lead us back to the path of life. Alone, we would be lost; together we have voice to follow home.
4. Jean Vanier, Community and Growth (New York: Paulist Press, 1979), 1. Belong 55
Fourth, we’re reminded of our true identity as Christ-followers. Our distorted audio tracks, often exacerbated by satanic suggestion and manipulation, can intimidate us into passivity and hiding. The liberating words of a fellow Christ-follower remind us of who we are in Jesus. This voice is a lifeline in amid the fury of overwhelming temptation, failure, or oppression. It calls us back to the immutable truth that “nothing can separate us from the love of God.”5 And a fifth gift of community is that we learn to confront others when they compromise God’s designs for their lives. This is an act of love. We are challenged to find our voice—those halting words that are difficult to say and that typically elicit conflict. These same words are often the bread of life to one lost in the woods of selfdeception. In that exchange, redemption marches forward, both in our lives and the lives of others.
G We must not be alone when we enter the death experience of discovering that our fleshinspired strategies for living no longer work. During those times, connecting provides hope that there is life after death and gives us the courage to mortify the flesh, to further abandon our efforts to find life apart from Christ. Larry Crabb Connecting
5. Romans 8:38-39
56 Belong
Excursion three
Which of these five gifts of community have you been the recipient of in the past couple of years?
Explain:
Belong 57
The “valve” of relationship has to be open—and functional—in order to allow the life of Christ to flow through us The core of “sustenance” At times, the healing power of Jesus was available by touching His robe. In a similar way, His healing is poured out as our lives touch one another. Dietrich Bonhoeffer pinpointed the purpose and meaning of authentic community: But God has put this Word into the mouth of men in order that it may be communicated to other men. When one person is struck by the Word, he speaks to others. God has willed that we should seek and find his living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of a man. Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged, for by himself he cannot help himself without belying the truth. He needs his brother man as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation. He needs his brother solely because of Jesus Christ. The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s sure.6 Paul’s emphasis in Ephesians 4 is that every Christ-follower has a role to play in the transmission of the life of Christ to one another. Every “joint” is both on the giving and the receiving end of this process. 6. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (New York: Harper and Row, 1954), 23. 58 Belong
Excursion three
Insight: According to the measure [proper working] of each single part. . . . measure
Optimally functioning community requires that each person is effectively relating to others. Paul says that growth happens according to the proper working (measure) of each part. Spiritual growth results when each person effectively functions—able to both transmit and receive the dynamic flow of life coming from Christ. The “valve” of relationship has to be open—and functional—in order to allow the life of Christ to flow through us. However, where there is a breakdown in this process—where dysfunction, anger, resentment, jealousy, brokenness or fear exists—growth in the body of Christ is hindered.
Belong 59
The question becomes, “Are we inhibiting what Jesus wants to do both in and through us?” That is, are we a conduit of what Christ wants to pour into the lives of others, or is the “valve” shut off?
Insight: Each and every person matters in community. . . . every
Paul highlights the fact that this dynamic process must involve, as the Greek emphasizes, each and every individual part. Paul uses redundant language to emphasize the point that each and every Christ-follower is an integral part of the process of the body being the body. Every person—no matter how weak, broken, unknowledgeable, or seemingly unimportant—plays a significant role. While living in South America for a short time, writer Henri Nouwen received news that his sister-in-law had given birth to a baby girl, Laura, who was diagnosed with Down Syndrome. In his journal, Nouwen recorded his honest response to this news: I still find it hard to appropriate this news. I cannot think about much else than this little child who will become the center of my brother and my sister-in-law’s lives and will bring them into a world of which they have never dreamt. It will be a world of constant care and attention; a world of very small progressions; a world of new feelings, emotions, and thoughts; a world of affections that come from places invisible to “normal” people.
60 Belong
Excursion three
. . . Laura is going to be important for all of us in the family. We have never had a “weak” person among us. We all are hardworking, ambitious, and successful people who seldom have had to experience powerlessness. Now Laura enters and tells us a totally new story, a story of weakness, brokenness, vulnerability, and total dependency. Laura, who always will be a child, will teach us the way of Christ, as no one will ever be able to do.7 In his reflection, Nouwen captures the reality that even the weakest have something to teach us. To live in authentic community as Christ-followers is to live as a community of mentors, each person a source of what it means to be both holy and wholly human.
The “One Anothers” The New Testament writers repeatedly urge us to engage in specific activities that will enable the body of Christ to function effectively and to grow spiritually. An oft-repeated word in the New Testament for this activity is allelon, translated “one another.” This word is used fifty-eight times in the context of the emerging church. Certain concepts and functions are repeated from letter to letter. But when all of the “one another” statements are carefully studied and grouped together according to specific meanings, they can be reduced to approximately twelve significant actions.8
7. Henri J.M. Nouwen, Gracias: A Latin American Journal (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1983), 15. 8. Gene Getz, Building Up One Another (Wheaton, Ill: Victor Books, 1985), 4. Belong 61
According to the New Testament, these are twelve basic ways in which Christ-followers can purposefully belong to and build up one another: • Be members of (do life with) one another • Devoted to one another • Honor one another • Be of the same mind as one another • Accept one another • Admonish one another • Greet one another • Serve one another • Bear one another’s burdens • Persevere with (hang in there with) one another • Submit to one another • Encourage one another These are a dozen clear ways that Christ encourages us to do life together. In so doing, we receive the rich supply of life that He makes available to us. The challenge we face in a high-tech culture is to create the time and context in which these “one anothers” can happen. Take 10-15 minutes in reflective prayer and ask God to show you ways in which you can be a conduit of His life to others. What, specifically, does God put on your heart about extending His life to others?
62 Belong
Excursion three
Insight: Christ enables the body to make its own growth, so that it builds itself up in love. . . . build itself up
Christian community is wired to build itself up through Christ. All said and done, God’s plan for church growth is internally combusted. As each and every part functions as a conduit of sustenance, nurture, cohesion, and direction from the head—that is, Christ—the body builds itself up in love. The journey toward Christ is intended to be a group expedition where we walk together as honest strugglers who believe the end point is worth any hardship. We share the life of Christ together and are called to nourish that life in one another . . . It is the gospel that makes all this possible. The gospel enables us “to believe that something terrific is alive in another and that something terrifically alive in us could actually touch it [and make] good things happen.”9
The challenge we face in a high-tech culture is to create the time and context in which these twelve “one anothers” can happen 9. Larry Crabb, Connecting (Nashville: Word Publishing, 1997), 53. Belong 63
sharing wisdom
While grabbing a Saturday morning coffee, you notice several of your friends piled around a table in the corner. The topic of the day: Relationships. The discussion is about what kind of friend they think they need. They all want to know your perspective on their different positions. Write out your response about possible problems you see in each friend’s quest for the ideal friend. “I’m looking for a friend who is just like me. We need to see things eye to eye.”
64 Belong
Excursion three
“I want a friend who will make me feel better about myself when I’m with him or her.”
“I’ve been so hurt in past relationships that I’ve walled off my heart from others, and I don’t even want to try again.
Belong 65
66  Belong
blank
blank