A Psych2Go guidebook for psychology and life
4 BENEFITS OF OWNING A CAT 4 things to sustain friendships and make them stronger 5 mental health benefits of laughter 5 things that are keeping you from moving forwards 4 ways to read someone’s body language to tell if they are attracted to you 12 Signs That You’re in a Healthy Relationship 9 Unhealthy Behaviors Adults Have After Going Through Childhood Trauma 6 Ways to Handle Embarrassment To Hell Negative Thinking: 11 Easy Tips For Better Thinking
4 BENEFITS OF OWNING A CAT
Cats often make an enigmatic appearance in the works of my favorite writer Haruki Murakami. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved cats. Somehow, I think they make this world a more magical place, because in a lot of ways, they have their own mysterious healing powers. Are you thinking about getting a pet? If so, definitely consider getting a cat! Psych2Go shares with you 7 benefits of owning a cat:
1. Your risk of getting cardiovascular disease lowers.
Owning a cat can give you a calming effect, which reduces your blood pressure. As a result, your stress levels also go down, which in turn, lowers your risk of getting cardiovascular diseases. A study done by the University of Minnesota concluded that participants without cats were 30% more likely to die of cardiovascular disease than those who were cat owners. Researchers from the study stated that dog owners may receive the same benefits, but there weren’t enough dog owners involved to reach the same solid conclusion. Veterinary pathologist Lawrence McGill states that dogs need more hands-on attention than cats do, which may increase the owner’s stress levels. Since cats are more naturally independent and can take better care of themselves, they leaves their owners with less worries and hassle.
2. Your immune system improves.
Owning a cat can improve your immune functions because it can tell when you are feeling sick. When it’s aware of this, it can provide you with comfort and help you get better. As a result, your immune system also gets the boost it needs to help you fight off illnesses in the future. Cats are intelligent and can empathize what you are feeling, so they will come and assist you when your health isn’t at its best.
3. Your chance of developing allergies decreases.
The younger you are, the better the time is in regards to owning a cat. Children who own cats have a lower risk of developing asthma. This is because the early exposure and daily contact of cats reduces their chance of experiencing respiratory problems. As a result, your immune system strengths and allergies can be prevented.
4. Your mood improves and symptoms of anxiety and depression decrease.
Cats act as a great distraction when you’re feeling down in the dumps or have fearful thoughts consuming you. With just the simple act of petting or playing with your cat, it can help improve and balance your mood. Although owning a cat doesn’t necessarily cure you of your anxiety or depression, it can take the edge off from some of your worst days. The best part about going through tough times is that your cat doesn’t judge you for them.
5. Your carbon footprint reduces.
A study done in 2009 concluded that the resources required to feed a dog gives about twice the eco-footprint of an SUV. Don Jordan, director of the Seattle Animal Shelter, states, “If you look at a large-size dog, they can live 10-14 years, and it certainly wouldn’t surprise me. There’s a lot that goes into manufacturing and producing food to care for dogs during the course of a life.” Cats, on the other hand, generally eat less and are more likely to eat fish than corn or beef-flavored products. Not only is owning a cat good for your health, but it’s better for the environment, too!
6. Companionship is provided and you experience less loneliness. Although cats are known for their independent nature, there’s a special bond formed if nurtured properly between the cat and the owner. When you learn to respect your cat’s boundaries and give it the right amount of love and attention, it’s similar to the bonds you form with people. In fact, a Swiss study in 2003 revealed that owning a cat is similar to having a romantic partner.
Cats are often misunderstood and can be seen as cold, but they are as complex as humans; therefore, learning how to read their subtlety is important. Nonetheless, when you form a special companionship with a cat, it’s lifelong, which in turn, can alleviate the loneliness you experience. It took a while for my boyfriend’s cat to warm up to me, but I learned that patience goes a long way. I always find it endearing when she sleeps or sits next to me! She’s so cute!
7. Your sociability improves.
In 2012, French researchers published a study in PLOS One in which they took a look at whether or not owning a pet can help those with autism. They write, “Playing with a pet is a complex behavior, sometimes involving object manipulation as a means for practice and mastery of action schemas (i.e. sensorimotor play) or a child’s ability for mental representation. Thus, it provides a child with means of practicing and understanding the events of his or her social world.” Owning a cat specifically can help those with autism because they can relate to cats. Richard, the son of neuroscientist J. Mannerling, has autism and ever since the family adopted Clover, a cat from a local animal shelter, his sociability began to improve when he interacted with the cat more. Mannerling recalls his son telling him, “Cats are like me. They look at everything and think about it when everyone thinks they’re not paying attention and they only talk when they have something to say.” Even though a cat doesn’t talk back to you when you speak, just being able to learn how to interact with it can help you practice your communication skills. You also learn how your actions can impact someone else and understand how to form a bond and connection. Cats make amazing friends because of this! By Catherine Huang
4 things to sustain friendships and make them stronger
Friendships are wonderful things to be a part of. However as I was struggling with not yet diagnosed social anxiety and depression, I was overwhelmed by the size of my university and was disillusioned about the meaning of friendship by the fluidity of the relationships I experienced during that time. Because of this upsetting experience, I did a lot of research on friendships and learned how to sustain them which I will share with you.
1. Talk and Listen
The core of any healthy relationship is communication. Friendships are no exception. Whether it’s getting to know the other person and strengthening your bond or voicing concerns and resolving conflicts this shows trust toward the other person. Ask questions about your friend’s life and then share your personal experiences that are similar. Then ask more follow-up questions. This shows that not only do you want information on their world, but you are listening and understanding. These actions also demonstrate that you remember significant moments in their life. For example if a friend has a job interview coming up, ask them about it and if prompted, give them advice. Then ask how it went and listen. A significant portion of communication isn’t the actual talking, it’s the listening. Listening demonstrates your interest in this person’s life. This creates intimacy which in turn shows their importance and value in your life. You can demonstrate to your friend that you are listening through eye contact, body language, and brief relevant comments and questions, such as “That sounds like it was fun!” and “How did that make you feel?
2. Be Open
To love is to be vulnerable and in friendship it is no different. To form a deep connection with another person you must be open to sharing your thoughts and feelings, which can be understandably nerve-wracking. The better they understand you the other person can more easily hurt you, but the reward is worth the risk. When you are not open with your feelings you may seem withdrawn, causing confusion and tension in your relationships that could lead to the end of them. When you express your true feelings, problems are solved and generally life is easier as you and your partner know exactly where the other stands. Reciprocal giving is more important than receiving and this act of giving insight and information about your life strengthens the trust and bond between you and your friend. This makes your friendship more meaningful which will improve your general emotional health and resilience during hard times.
3. Be Kind
Everyone will become angry with their friends at some point, but it is better to do what is right than to be right. One thing you may be tempted to do is to ghost them. This is where one person simply stops talking to another person without any explanation. I’ve experienced this and it is not fun. You may not know how to approach your friend or you need time to cool down and those are understandable issues. But total silence is rude, especially if your friend is trying to make amends. You don’t have to forgive them right away or ever, but you need to tell them how you are feeling. Your friends are human, so mistakes will happen. Therefore it is important to empathize with them and let them know your valid feelings. Once you are ready, approach them calmly and with a willingness to forgive. Allow your friend to explain themselves and to apologize. Then it is up to you to decide to salvage the relationship or move on. Regardless of the outcome, at one point you cared for this person, so it would be best to treat them that way.
Also during the good times it is prudent to carry a sense of grace towards your friends. Try to focus on their positive attributes and face their negative qualities with compassion, as I’m sure you hope they do for you.
4. Be Honest
The easiest way to damage a friendship is by lying. Honesty helps to avoid conflicts and it helps in resolving problems when they arise. Admit your feelings about an issue and admit when you are wrong. In turn make your friendship a safe and open space for your friend to be honest with themselves as well to admit their mistakes. This reciprocal openness for each other demonstrates respect and trust for each other and will strengthen your bond.
5. Make Time to Be Together
Busyness is a staple of modern life. However in order to maintain your friendships you must see your friends. Regularly do activities of mutual interest letting you reaffirm your connection and talk about your lives while having fun! Friendships are forged on mutual respect and affection, but it is also about spending time with people who make you feel happy and comfortable. Time with people whose company you enjoy reduces stress, improves your self-worth, and helps you deal with traumas. Making time for your friend also demonstrates your investment in the relationship. If you keep postponing appointments or neglect to even make them, they may start to believe you are upset or wish to end the friendship. If you are struggling with physical or emotional issues that prevent you from spending time with someone, tell the person. More than likely they will understand and try to find a way to connect. If they are your friend they will want to spend time with you too.
6. Show Gratitude in Friendships
Reminding your friends you are happy that they are there is as important as spending time with them. Gratitude shows appreciation for your friendship and the role your friend plays in your life. Gratitude is a great method for maintaining a positive outlook in life. When deciding on how to demonstrate your gratitude, consider their passions and temperament. For example on my 24th birthday my friend planned a day for us to spend in Ann Arbor. She had researched all of the places which gave free food items for someone’s birthday. It was just the two of us walking around a beautiful city with good (and mostly free) food. As I am introverted and a lover of free food, it was an awesome way to spend the day. Don’t think you need to make grand gestures. Often the little things in relationships hold the most sway. by Katlin Harwood
5 mental health benefits of laughter
We all know that laughter is a response to humor. It happens every time people find something that is hysterical to them, which seems to be its only purpose. Nevertheless, laughter has a wide range of purposes and benefits, which aren’t only about it being a source of delight. Laughter also has great medicinal benefits. Laughter therapies are becoming more common nowadays. This is because of all the physical benefits they provide, such as strengthening our immune system, lowering blood pressure, and even burning body fat! But that’s not it. Laughing also provides us with many psychological benefits that help to improve our mental health.
1. Laughter makes us happier and more optimistic
When we laugh, our bodies produces endorphins, which are considered to be the “happiness hormone”. We also release the hormones dopamine and serotonin, neurotransmitters that are in charge of our motivation and balance our mood. All of these substances fight several mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. And the more intense the laughter is, the more it helps us keep a positive outlook on life.
2. It’s a natural stress medicine
Aside from releasing hormones that increase our mental well-being, laughter also combats hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine. These hormones are released as a response to stress, increasing our heart rate and causing general discomfort.
3. It Improves our self-esteem
As laughter improves our way of seeing things by making us more optimistic, it also helps us maintain our sense of humor regardless of the situation. This creates positive thoughts and emotional distension, things that actually boost our self-esteem.
4. Our brain works better when we laugh
Another neurotransmitter released when laughing is catecholamine, a hormone that takes part in crucial brain functions, such as movement, cognition, emotions, learning and memory. This substance, triggered by laughter, is in charge of our brain’s correct functioning.
5. Laughter brings people together and develops better social skills
And last but not least, as we already mentioned, laughter is the physiological response to humor. Therefore, whenever you and another person both laugh at something funny, you create a bond because you have a similar sense of humor. Sharing laughter with others means creating and sharing positive social experiences. As a result, it improves our social skills! Laughter not only provides us with good times, but it also creates tons of positive effects on both our minds and bodies. So stop worrying about getting wrinkles and start laughing more!
5 things that are keeping you from moving forwards
When you feel trapped and you want nothing more than change, the sound of yet another door being slammed in your face can be deafening. The disillusionment and frustration that follow keep your vision locked on all the factors outside of yourself that are impeding your progress. Yet what may be pushing you further and further away from what you desire could be the tangle of ruminative thoughts and unrealistic expectations that you continually set for yourself. If you are guilty of indulging in some of these negative and often mistaken thoughts, understanding how they are inhibiting you could help you challenge them.
1. Thinking things will always be the same
If things haven’t changed in a while, and you find yourself stuck in what seems to be a never-ending loop of disappointment, it’s natural to feel utterly deflated. This sense of defeat can cloud your vision, and make you believe that change is not even possible. Over time, you stop seeing the value in making the slightest effort to change your condition. Yet this thought alone can repel action and take the place of those motivating thoughts that will mobilize you. You don’t need to be a positive-thinking powerhouse, but constantly telling yourself that the result you desire is possible can be enough to help you fight the obstacles standing between you and your goal.
2. Burdening your future self with action
We are all guilty of procrastinating, some of us more than others, and the cure is hardly around the corner. But recognizing how we subconsciously justify our procrastination to ourselves may just help us beat it. What we are essentially doing when we put off doing a task is delegating it to our future selves. Why? Because we subconsciously perceive our future selves to be better prepared, more disciplined, and more in the “mood” to execute that task. Once we realize that our future self is only as good as our present one, and that the passage of time alone won’t equip us with a magical boost in energy and inspiration to do what needs to be done, we are able to tackle the work head on. Accepting responsibility for our own condition, and admitting that we are the only ones capable of inspiring ourselves, helps close the gap between who we see ourselves to be today and in the future. More importantly, who guaranteed you a future self anyway?
3. Expecting too much too soon
If you have been stuck for a long time, you may feel the pressure and the hunger for change intensifying more and more each day. This can make you feel like your next step ought to be a big one. Yet this self-imposed pressure to perform–and in a grand way–is only helping to keep you stuck. Sometimes all you need to set off your journey is to take simple, yet determined steps toward your goal. Your slow–but steady–progress will help you reach your destination faster than stagnating for a long time and then sprinting to the finish line. You are also much more likely to develop stamina, and good habits, when you commit to doing a small amount of work each day. No matter how long the journey is, it always starts with that first step–even if it’s a small, tentative one.
4. Judging your work
If you have a tendency to be overly critical and perfectionistic, it is likely you judge your work too harshly. If you are quick to label any idea that germinates in your mind as “not good enough”, you limit its potential to turn into a great one. Perfectionism of this kind does not support the easy flow of ideas that is at the heart of creativity.
Setting your expectations aside and withholding judgement as you begin to work toward your goal can help you move forward. You may need to train yourself to remain open, accepting any experience or perceived setback as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than adopting an all or nothing approach that will, more often than not, leave you with nothing.
5. Comparing yourself to others
Just as you ought to refrain from judging your work, it is equally important to not judge yourself, and especially not by using other people’s progress as a benchmark. When all you see is your own failures, it can seem to you like you are the only one not enjoying any success. Everywhere you look is an example of what you don’t have but so desperately covet. Yet what your biased mind is overlooking is its own tendency to overemphasize your limitations, and underemphasize those of other people. It helps to remind yourself that the reality your brain construes is not always accurate. We are all on our individual life journeys, experiencing success and failure and everything in between at different stages of our lives. Comparing yourself to others even though we each face a completely different set of circumstances and opportunities, is not only unfair, but accomplishes nothing. It is certainly okay and even healthy to look up to people who inspire you and lead the kind of life you desire to have. But it is only motivating when you do not use the example as a way to further emphasize your own shortcomings. Asking yourself “what are they doing that I have the capacity to do but am not currently doing” instead of saying “I will never manage to accomplish what they have” is a healthier way of approaching the comparison.
Appreciate the journey, not the result
No matter what you are after, if you are too focused on the end result, you may miss the rewarding journey that will ultimately get you there. Your achieved goal is the cumulative sum of the small decisions that you make along the way to steer you in the right direction and push you forward. So appreciate your progress, constantly refine your process, and embrace all the struggles that you encounter because overcoming them can endow you with the confidence you need to keep going. by Einas Salamin
4 ways to read someone’s body language to tell if they are attracted to you
So, you’ve got your eye on that cutie. Your heart beats fast when you see them, they’re constantly on your mind, and you want to get to know every little detail about them. You think to yourself, Crap! Not again! Another emotional rollercoaster! Why can’t I just be a robot? It’s easy to catch feelings when it’s a sudden jolt. So, you know you’re definitely hooked. But, the next question is, Are they into me?a
1. Large pupils
Our pupils dilate when we’re in dim settings or when we see someone who stimulates a strong reaction out of us. If you want to use this as an indicator, it’s probably not a good idea to pull them in a dark alleyway (because that’s also creepy). It might seem promising if you see their pupils grow large after stargazing. But, just kidding! It was probably just the terrible lighting.
2. Body leans towards you
When someone is attracted to you, they have a tendency to lean towards you as a way to pay more attention and get closer to you. It’s a great way to hint that they’re interested in you. But, I’m afraid this might not be this case if the two of you are in a loud room where you have to shout to hear each other. Sorry! Unless you two have microphones clipped to you where you can hear each other perfectly, they’re probably only leaning towards you because they can’t read lips.
3. Feet are pointed towards you
Our feet act like a compass. So, when someone points their feet towards you, it means that they’re not going anywhere else anytime soon. It’s a sign that shows they want to stick around longer to be with you. You know, unless their feet are glued to the floor. Then, that’s just downright unfortunate.
4. Walks beside you
When we’re attracted to someone, we tend to make sure our walking pace matches theirs. Being in sync with someone step by step indicates that they want to be by your side rather than ahead or behind you that creates distance. Just make sure that the person you’re interested in isn’t imitating you to practice for mime school, because that might be the real reason.
5. Grazes your arm
If someone is attracted to you, they’ll use any excuse in the book to touch you, even if it’s just a slight graze on your arm. This is an indicator that they want to make sure you know that they’re close to you and that you’re also paying attention to them. Unless they’re giant attention seekers to begin with…then, I’m afraid you’re only dealing with a needy brat.
6. Holds your hand
If they’re reaching out to hold your hand, then it’s an indicator that they’re into you. When your fingers are closely and securely interlocked with theirs, it shows that they want to protect you and be there for you. But, if you’re reaching out for their hand and they pull it back, then they’re just not that into you. Can you say #foreveralone?
7. Eyebrow raising
People tend to raise their eyebrows when they are intrigued. So, chances are if they raise their eyebrows at you, it means that they’re interested in what you have to say. Unless they’re just trying to get their facial exercises done for the day.
8. Good standing posture
When someone is attracted to you, they usually adopt a good standing posture around you. This is to attract your attention to them that makes them more physically appealing. Men, for instance, tend to stand taller to demonstrate their masculinity. If the person is slinking back or making themselves smaller towards you, then I’m afraid they just don’t see you that way.
9. Touches their face and hair
Men tend to touch their facial hair and women often touch their hair to attract attention on them. When someone touches their face and hair in front of you, it means that they care about how they look around you. Unless they’re narcissistic and care about how they look 24/7, then they’re probably more into themselves than you…you might want to run away while you still can.
10. They look back at you after you leave
If the both of you part ways and they look back at you after you leave, then it shows that you’re still on their mind and that they want to stay with you a little longer. This one might be hard to read, especially since your back will be turned towards them. If you want to go all out, you can hire a friend to videotape the two of you as you part ways on the down-low. Buuut, that might be going just a little tooo far. by Catherine Huang
12 Signs That You’re in a Healthy Relationship
Many of us want to be in happy and meaningful relationships. But nowadays, in a dating scene plagued with superficiality and an abundance of choice, making a relationship long-term – while staying sane – is much easier said than done. That initial spark is great, but it takes a whole lot more than attraction to sustain a relationship. How are some ways we can keep a healthy relationship and ensure longevity with our partners, you ask? Psych2Go has a list for you. Here are 12 signs that you and your partner are in a healthy relationship.
1.You Communicate Openly
A great relationship starts with transparency! Do you feel free to communicate about anything with your partner, from personal needs to taboo topics? Do you and your partner take the time to listen and empathize with each other? If so, you have a crucial component to a great relationship. Good communication in relationships includes using assertive techniques, which include welcoming body language, concentrative listening, and respectful language. View THIS article for more on healthy communication.
2. You Argue
Sounds counter-intuitive, right? Well, it’s just a fact that you and your partner won’t always agree on everything. If you aren’t arguing about your disagreements, you’re probably holding in your issues and letting them become resentment. Couples who communicate well can argue. By communicating effectively, both parties can state their points of view while trying to understand where the other is coming from. Couples in healthy relationships also know when to apologize when they are wrong. This point shouldn’t be confused with destructive fighting, in which couples use aggressive behavior and language to hurt each other in the midst of a disagreement.
3. You Keep your Business Private
It’s perfectly normal to look to close friends and family for relationship advice when you have issues with your partner. But airing your dirty laundry out on social media by typing out mean tweets and passive-aggressive Facebook statuses won’t help things get any better! Making your problems public can lengthen – and worsen – arguments between you and your partner, who could find these posts and feel antagonized. Making your business public can also break trust and confidentiality between you and your partner, leading to fear of future confrontation.
4. You Don’t Hold Grudges
It’s only natural that after spending all that time together that you and your partner will get on each other’s nerves. We all get a little agitated from time to time and do/say things that we don’t mean, or act without our partners in mind. Partners in healthy relationships are able to identify when this happens – maybe when your partner forgets to buy your favorite shampoo when they’re out at the store, for example – and let it go.
5. You Have Realistic Expectations
Having a great relationship means something a little different than it does in the
movies. Understand that the perfect partner doesn’t exist, and your partner is a person with flaws and aspirations/goals of their own. They are not your personal servant, nor can they read your mind. Couples in healthy relationships are able to understand that the key to a long-lasting relationship is commitment, and they will to work through the rough patches.
6. You Have Space Between Each Other
You can have a life outside of your relationship! It’s perfectly healthy to maintain friendships and to pursue personal goals and interests. This allows you to keep a sense of individuality in your relationship, and your partner to feel comfortable in keeping up with their own personal interests. Love romcoms, but can’t get your partner to set foot in the theatre to watch one? Perfect opportunity to spend a night out and bond with your friends!
7. You Trust Each Other
Yes, being apart gives you the opportunity to miss and appreciate having your partner around. But you should also feel calm and secure while you’re without them. Healthy couples can spend time away from each other without worrying about their whereabouts or who they’re with. Stalking a partner on social media and asking them constantly for updates via text or phone might be signs of trust issues or codependency.
8. You Enjoy Spending Time Together
If you and your partner enjoy spending time together – whether it’s going out on a dinner date or cuddling in pajamas – you’re in a great place in your relationship. A healthy relationship involves taking time out of your busy schedule to connect with your partner.
9. You’re Friends
Of course, you need to like your partner! Great couples share common interests, enjoy hanging out together and making each other laugh. Just like best friends, healthy couples can talk about anything, and confide in each other without fear of judgment. It’s important to feel comfortable with each other and open to each other’s flaws.
10. You Make Decisions Together
Healthy relationships are without a power struggle. You and your partner should consider yourselves equals in your relationship. You should both have a conversation – and equal say – in decisions that affect you both. Disagree on what restaurant you should go to on date night? You might have to give in to that pizza place your s/o wants to try out. But next weekend, the choice should be yours.
11. You Get Intimate
Yes, sex is extremely beneficial in relationships. It bonds us physically and emotionally, improves our health in a range of ways, and it makes us feel desired by our partners. But sex is just the half of true intimacy. Healthy relationships need intimacy, which can take the form of bonding – sexual or otherwise – familiarity, and romance. Maintaining a great relationship means continuing to court each other by means of physical affection, spending quality time together, gift giving, acts of service, and affirming words (See THIS article about what your partner’s favorite love language could be).
12. You Make Each Other Better
A key sign of a healthy relationship is the need to make yourself the best person you can be for your partner. You and your partner should inspire and encourage each other! This is different than disliking aspects of each other or wanting to “fix” each other. Healthy relationships consist of couples that love each other for who they are. You should be the person to decide that you want to be a better person for them. Couples in great relationships also promote and encourage healthy behavior in each other; this can range from hitting the gym together to being there for each other during experiences of anxiety or other health issues. How’d you do? Are there items on this list that you and your partner practice regularly? Do you have any points you think should have made it onto the list? Let Psych2Go know in the comments section down below! by Alex Nunez
9 Unhealthy Behaviors Adults Have After Going Through Childhood Trauma
Trauma is difficult to deal with. Whether its emotional, mental, physical or sexual. You go through life believing you have overcome it. Only to exhibit unhealthy behaviors as an adult. If you are not careful you will stick to these behaviors for the rest of your life unless you confront the past head on. By allowing yourself to feel. Express your emotions, process it, and then let it go. It’s okay to look back, but don’t stay there. The following is a list of behaviors adults have after going through childhood trauma:
Becoming overwhelmed by fear
You believe playing it safely is the best option. Convincing yourself with lies. The problem here is that you’re prevent yourself from living fully and pursuing your dreams.
Becoming passive-aggressive
Trauma has taught you to defend yourself by going around the problem instead of confronting it. You repress your emotions and anger. In time all those bottled up emotions start to slowly come out. Some of you may think you are avoiding negativity. When in fact you are only hurting yourself in the long run.
Overprotecting yourself
You believe that everyone in your life will betray you one way or another. This prevents you from having fulfilling relationships. Starving yourself from true connection. Just because you have been hurt in the past by people. Doesn’t mean everyone has ill intentions.
Self-victimization
When a person becomes used to being the victim, it becomes part of their identity. It has been ingrained in their mind. Sadly, embracing this identity will affect all aspects of your life. This doesn’t allow you to move forward.
Preparing for problems
You unconsciously believe the same problem will reemerge. Even though the traumatic event happened long ago. Living like this prevents you from being present and truly having fun with your loved ones.
Forgetting big chunks of your life
An upbringing full of trauma can lead you to forget moments of your life. You may have a hard time remembering what happened. It can be distressing when people remember things about that you that you can’t.
Feeling incomplete
Those of you have been through severe trauma end up feeling as if parts of you are missing. Trauma can leave you feeling disconnected with life. Its’ a survival mechanism. A sort of dissociation. To survive you build yourself a character or story that you thrive on. Making it difficult for you to discover who you truly are.
Attracted to unhealthy situations
Sometimes you unconsciously look for people who have the same traits as your abuser(s). Therefore, you may end up in a relationship or situation that is eerily similar to your past experience. This doesn’t mean you are looking for trouble, its just your brains way of attaching itself to similar circumstances.
Looking for external validation
Growing up in an abusive household can leave you feeling insecure. Trauma can impact you in such a way, that as an adult you look for other people’s validation. Such as your boss’s approval and “likes” from friends on social media. You yearn to feel wanted. It’s difficult to move forward in life after experiencing childhood trauma. Keep in mind you don’t have to continue living this way. Talk to a close friend or family member. Ask for help and guidance. Overcoming trauma isn’t going to happen in a day, but I can assure you. Fighting for a better life is worth it. Do you agree with these point? If so let me know in the comment section below. by Michelle
6 Ways to Handle Embarrassment
We’ve all experienced embarrassing moments, whether that means tripping down (or up, if you’re more ambitious like me) the stairs, spilling coffee on ourselves, or smiling at our crush with food stuck in between our teeth. There’s a misconception that by the time you hit a certain age and settle into adulthood, then you’ll have it all together. But truthfully, we’ll all continue to have embarrassing moments for as long as we live. If making mistakes and being human is inevitable, then how can you cope with humiliating moments? Psych2Go shares with you 6 effective ways to handle embarrassment:
1. Don’t beat yourself up; it’s okay.
Embarrassment often goes hand in hand with perfectionism. When you feel as though you aren’t meeting up to your own standards and expectations with your performance, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism. As a result, you may fear your next performance will not go well as you’d like it to based on previous experiences. Don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes and failures. Instead, allow yourself to be imperfect and see your embarrassing moments as learning opportunities to get better. It’s okay to mess up.
2. Focus on the non-emotional details of the moment.
According to Dr. Ekaterina Denkova, the next time your mind decides to replay an embarrassing moment, try to steer your attention to the non-emotional details, such as the color of the shirt you were wearing, the setting, or what the weather was like. This will help you detach from the memory and you won’t remember it as intensely compared to when you focus on the negativity, which can stir up your embarrassed feelings again. When you experience heightened emotions, it makes it harder for you to let go and move on. So, it’s recommended that you concentrate on details that put you in a neutral state.
3. Laugh it off!
According to Dr. Susan Whitbourne, a professor emerita of psychological and brain sciences, the most effective way to handle embarrassment is being able to confront it directly. Although your first instinct may be to run away and hide, this will only prolong your unresolved feelings of embarrassment. That’s why it’s important to stick to the situation until you can alleviate your stress. Whitbourne recommends laughing it off in order to reduce tension. After all, staying in a serious mood will only influence you to hold onto the negativity.
4. See it as a great storytelling opportunity.
Have you ever shared a story starting with the statement, “Hey, remember that time when I . . . ? That was so funny!” More often than not, it’s your embarrassing moments that make the best stories you can share with your friends and family. While they’re happening, they may not be fun, but in retrospect, it’s easier to see how silly they are. The best part is knowing you survived, too! So the next time you want to “die of embarrassment,” think of your top three embarrassing moments and remember that despite those occurrences, you’re still here in one piece.
5. Talk it out with a close friend, lover, or family member who won’t judge you for it. It’s difficult bottling up your emotions, so talk about your embarrassing moment with someone you trust. Rather than feeling bad about the situation, tell them what’s bothering you. It always helps to get support and another perspective that may encourage you to find some positivity in the negative situation. In fact, the person you confide in may also share a similar embarrassing moment they’ve experienced before! It’s always a relief to know that you’re not alone.
6. Try again.
You might dread going back to the same place and seeing the same people who were there when you embarrassed yourself, but be brave and face them. If you continue to build walls in front of you, the situation will only haunt you longer. Others will also detect the awkwardness you are projecting when you avoid them, which will make it hard for them to forget about it, too. It may not be easy when you initially step in again and establish normalcy, but progress can’t be made without being open to it. Try again. You’ve got this. Do you have embarrassing moments often? How do you handle them? Psych2Go would love to hear your thoughts! Please be sure to leave a comment down below! by Catherine Huang
To Hell Negative Thinking: 11 Easy Tips For Better Thinking
Are you always thinking of your imperfections? Constantly thinking something will go wrong? That no one loves you? Are you losing your mind over criticism? Are you spending hours telling yourself how worthless you are and comparing your life to others? Are you missing out on opportunities due to your pessimistic thoughts? Is your life spiraling down due to this? Well, I too have been there. Since I was about nine years old all I could think about was bad things, and it eventually became a habit of mine. Each morning before school I would get killer cramps, diarrhea and sometimes even vomited before the school bus came to pick me up. My body reacted to my never ending negative thinking and I eventually developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). So, I am here to tell you my tips and tricks that I used to overcome this bad habit of mine.
Before, I would like to explain from a psychology point of view on how negative thinking affects you. When you think pessimistically all the time your brain slows down and decreases activity in the cerebellum. When the cerebellum slows down you will have difficulties solving problems (Susan Reynolds, 2011). Another area that becomes affected is the frontal lobe because it decides what is important according to what you pay most attention to (Susan Reynolds, 2011). Therefore, more neurons will be created to support your negativity. The thalamus also perceives your negative thinking. The problem is that the thalamus can’t differentiate negative thoughts from danger increasing your blood pressure and affecting your mood (power of positivity, 2015). When stress is produced from overthinking it can increase your chances to develop mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. Not only that, but it can also affect our health such as: • Headaches • Digestive problems • Weight gain • Muscle & jaw tension • Decreased sex drive • Back pain • Fatigue • Lowers immune system • Affects blood sugar But don’t worry, thankfully the brain has the capacity to rewire through training. This can be done by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This is easier said than done. It will take practice and lots of patience to control your pessimistic thinking. Here are my tips and tricks that I used:
Notice your body language:
Are you grinding your teeth? Are your muscles and shoulders tense? Do you have back and neck pain? Are your hands relaxed or in a fist? Are you frowning? This is important because your body can tell you a lot about your mental state. Relax your body and then you can calm your mind.
Use Affirmations:
Affirmations are statements that you tell yourself to motivate and influence your mind and body. I tell myself affirmations every day. You can look these up online or buy a daily affirmation book and read one per day, repeating it throughout the day, Examples of there are: I am filled with positive thoughts. I welcome positivity in my life. Today is a new day, new opportunity. I forgive myself for past mistakes.
Mindfulness:
Be conscious of your thoughts, witness it and give it a name or a physical appearance, then say “no” and let it go. This trick helped me immensely because I could identify it through observation. I noticed how it was making me feel and by giving it a name I was able to let it go.
Know your triggers:
Pay attention to what affects your thinking. Could it be a past situation? Could it be toxic people putting bad things in your mind? Is it a current situation? A bad relationship? I personally sat down and wrote everything that I believed to trigger my negativity and then did something about it. For example, I was surrounded by people who did no good to my thinking so I stayed away from them.
Distract yourself:
Watch a movie, play a video game, watch funny videos, go on a hike, do your favorite hobby or draw. Basically, anything that entertains you. I love Netflix, and to color while I listen to music. The purpose of this is to quiet time mind for a while till you relax and are able to handle your thinking better.
Find a trustful person:
It can be a friend, partner, parent, teacher or counsellor. Anyone who is willing to listen to you and give you their point of view. I personally have 3 trustful friends who I can tell them what’s on my mind and they will help me think more positively because they are seeing my situation from a different point of view.
Exercise:
You may hear this all the time, but honestly this has helped my thinking. Exercising, releases endorphins which are chemicals that energize you and it moderates your bad thoughts. I go for a walk and jog early in the morning. This helps boost my day with a positive mind.
Daily journal:
I have a journal where I write anything positive I did during the day. It doesn’t matter if you had a bad day just find one thing. For example, eating a healthy meal. The purpose of this is to train your mind to find positivity in the negative. Not only that, but when you are down, look at your journal and see how far you have come. I sometimes even draw in my journal to help bring good thoughts.
Self-talk using a mirror:
This one may be silly, but thanks to it I have the confidence to overcome stressful thoughts. I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself good thing like “I am beautiful” or “It will all be okay”. I find it powerful to look at myself in the eyes and have a good talk.
Misreading:
Stop misreading each situation. For example, if you called a friend, and they haven’t called back don’t draw conclusions. It could be that they are busy or simply not in the mood talk at that time. I learned this the bad way. In the majority of the time I created a situation that was distorted.
Don’t apply your perspectives to someone else:
This one is very important. Each one of us have different perspectives and ways of handling the situation. For example, if you think “why did they say that? That is something I wouldn’t say” you will only bring negativity into your thoughts. Well, I hope these tips can help you just as much as it has helped me. Keep in mind that your thinking won’t change quickly. It will take time and discipline. If you feel that your mental health is getting worse due to negative thoughts, then maybe a counsellor or therapist can help you as well. Happy thinking ?
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