Raising a Good Listener

By Kerrie McLoughlin

Ask a mom or dad how to raise a good listener, and you’ll be met with a variety of responses. Some, will laugh out loud and say, “If you write about kids who ignore their parents all the time, look no further!” Others may tell you they have it all together and that their children always listen to them and do everything they say (don’t trust these parents!).

So many of us are at a loss when it comes to teaching listening skills. Parents are busier than ever, and that can sometimes make it difficult to just stop and listen to our children. Yet making sure you raise your child to be a good listener is crucial for many reasons. For example, they need to be able to follow directions at school, in college, and at a job. They also need the practiced skill of listening to make and keep friends, snag a spouse and deal with a variety of people in everyday life.

So how do you become one of those parents whose children don’t tune her out?

Tresa Cope says, “When I want to get my 4-year-old’s attention, I randomly insert the word ‘chocolate’ into whatever I’m saying. As in, ‘put your chocolate shoes on, NOW, please’. Sometimes he giggles at my misuse of the word; sometimes he makes me pay up with chocolate-covered raisins.”

Practice reading comprehension.

When you finish reading your child a story, ask them random questions about it. You can also ask them to summarize the story for you. If you’re reading a bedtime book that takes many nights to finish, ask your child what they think might happen the next night in the story.

Listen to your child.

If you want your child to pay attention to what you are saying, practice listening. Turn off the music in the car, take the earbuds out of their ears and hear what your child wants to tell you about their day. Most importantly, don’t interrupt. Look them in the eye when they’re talking to you so they know you are present and paying attention. Parents, this is a hard one, so you have to practice often. It’s easy to mumble a bunch of “mm, hmms” when your child is telling you about an artistic creation or a kid at school, so put the dishes down and just listen.

Give directions in small steps.

For the younger set, general instructions like, “Please clean your room” can be overwhelming. Instead, first, ask your child to put all of her stuffed animals in the box in the closet. Then ask them to hang up their shirts. Next, have them put all the dolls on the bed. Kids love that they can do something for themselves and please you at the same time. Instead of saying, “pick up the living room”, Jill Connors asks her smaller kids to pick up 10 toys each and put them in the toy bin. When they are done, she asks them how many more they think it will take to clear the floor. The counting practice is invaluable, and the room is clean in no time.

Listening Games

Simon Says Red Light, Green Light

Opposites (you say a word and your child acts out the opposite)

Guessing game (give several clues, like, “I’m thinking of an animal that lives at the zoo.” then “The animal is gray.”)

Scavenger hunt (tell your child 2 things to find in the house and bring them back to you, working your way up to 10 items)

If you are a parent who threatens and never follows through, watch out because your child is watching what you say and do. If you say there will be no allowance for skipping chores, then don’t pay allowance that week. Then make sure you have the same consequence if it happens again.

Show your appreciation.

Thanking your child for being a good listener when they do something you asked them to is a great way to show him that listening really does matter and that you notice what they accomplish. 

Kerrie McLoughlin blogs about family life homeschooling 5 kids while working from home at TheKerrieShow.com.