DIY SOS THE BIG BUILD
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Introduction
Three years have passed since the BBC’s DIY SOS The Big Build team packed its tools on to a van and drove away from Littlehampton for the last time. It’s taken me that long to feel able to sit down and think about how to capture everything that happened. My original idea was to create a photo-book as a way of collecting together all the letters and the thousand-plus photographs I had accrued.
I wanted to record my family’s journey from buying The Dolls’ House in 2007 in a derelict state, to having it rebuilt by the DIY SOS team and dozens of local tradesmen who volunteered to help after I was conned by a builder. I also wanted to give my sons Jack and Sam a tangible record they can never accidentally delete of a pretty cool experience we went through together. 2
I’d also like everyone who was involved to have a memento of the project. I never thought I would live in a house that is a bit famous, but DIY SOS The Big Build is broadcast somewhere in the world almost every day. Whenever it is, people will drive past the cottage or stop and take a photo. Googling ‘DIY SOS Littlehampton’ will bring up the BBC web page forever, and The Dolls’ House will be known for a long time locally as ‘that place the BBC rebuilt.'
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If the cottage is ever sold, I’ll give the new owners a copy of this book. I hope they will share my joy in owning it and appreciate what is known of its history. Without that, it’s just a pile of bricks like any other. I have learnt a lot about buildings, the law, people, friendship, generosity and myself from the dark days from 2008 to 2010. Sometimes we don’t realise how profound an effect bad times can have on us. As you will see, the DIY SOS team did a lot more than just rebuild my cottage. They gave hope and enjoyment to many, many people around the country and the effect will last. Our thanks go to the amazing people who gave their time and materials instead of doing their ‘proper jobs’, often for days. Everything in the house was the result of their generosity, from taps to framed artwork. Somehow they managed to work in cramped conditions, jostling for space against an immovable deadline yet they kept their sense of humour. Most of the time anyway! If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like appearing on a programme which claims to change lives, it’s all here. Thank you to everyone who played a part in changing ours.
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Unique seaside cottage for sale
The Dolls’ House was advertised by private sale on the internet. The accompanying photograph was worrying: it looked like there was a tree growing out of the roof. I drove over to see the cottage the following day and was instantly taken with it, even though there actually was a tree growing out of the roof... 5
The door to the cottage led into a small, dark room filled with oversized furniture. Actually, any furniture would have seemed oversized. I’m not the tallest guy in the world, but even I had to stoop. 6
The kitchen was accessed through a small archway and appeared to have been bombed. 7
A sun room was loosely fixed to the back of the cottage and under an inch of water and the walls seemed to be made of hardened porridge. 8
9 The kitchen roof and the sun room
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The empty boxes and clothes stacked up to the ceiling in every room would have been at home on a Channel Four documentary. 11
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These things apart, it was in one of the prettiest squares in the town, the other houses were expensive and wellmaintained, and it was 200 yards from the beach. The cottage was certainly unique. It would need to be stripped to its four walls and rebuilt completely. I was prepared for that but I didn’t know the walls themselves were soaking and covered in ivy spores and were slowly killing the house and its occupants. Ivy can cause respiratory problems and the seller had emphysema. All in all it was quite the nastiest house on the market. 13
The ivy bush grew through an outside wall, up through a bedroom and into the roof, which it lifted about a foot 14
Although I had first viewed the cottage in September 2007, the sale was not completed until the following February because of the vendor’s legal problems. As the boys and I arrived on completion day, the huge pile of rubbish outside the cottage was a promising but misleading indication that the seller had emptied the house of its many treasures. 15
I’d like to say the cottage looked bigger with empty rooms, but it didn’t. I’m not sure what the boys thought of my latest purchase as they had gone a bit quiet! In answer to the question I have been asked more than once, had I known then what I know now, would I still have bought the cottage? I’m afraid so. 16
17 Jack sees the house for the first time
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Everyone and their dog has a story or anecdote about The Dolls’ House. Neighbours and passers-by sometimes added to the dense fog of misinformation. What’s the real story, and how did it get its name? One frequently cited myth relates to a former lady owner who it was claimed was wealthy, French and a recluse and lived upstairs leaving her chauffeur to sleep with the Rolls-Royce on the ground floor. It’s true that the cottage was owned from around 1930 until 1987 by a wealthy family. The wife, Muriel Hunt, was fluent in French. She and her husband Neville had made their fortune in India and bought a house in South Terrace facing the sea as a summer residence. They also bought the tiny cottage at the foot of their back garden for their servants.
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Tales of mystery and speculation
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The ‘Rolls-Royce’ was a Peugeot that the owners deemed too shiny to be left outside, so they converted the living room in the cottage into a garage. The height of the car required that grooves be cut into the floor to lower it to clear the doorway, and part of the back wall was removed to accommodate the bonnet, which presumably protruded into the servants’ one remaining room. Their annoyance at this land-grab probably led to the construction of the sun room on the back of the cottage as compensation, which in turn deprived them of their garden... Was The Dolls’ House once an orphanage, another rumour? Possibly. There was a house across the square that was owned by a convent. The cottage could have been used as an overflow space when their waifs and strays business picked up.
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The cottage’s name was said by others to stem from its alleged former role as a holding tank for an aristocrat’s illegitimate children awaiting adoption. The story runs that Number 7 Norfolk Place, the adjoining house, was a micro maternity unit serving his mistresses who were ensconced in the grand South Terrace houses that were built in 1810 purely to block my view of the sea. The legend was supported by Number 7’s construction, the front
elevation of which is of architectural interest. The ‘napped’ flints around the door and window reveals, and the ‘galetted’ flint-work must have cost a fortune. Minibuses occasionally disgorge students of geology and architecture armed with cameras and sketchbooks to admire the detailing on that house and stare through my kitchen window to see if I’m in my dressing gown having a meal, which I usually am.
South Terrace, where the Hunts owned a house, was built in 1803. More houses were built along the sea front, initially called Beach Terrace
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Number 7 was owned by Lieutenant Commander John Kerans in the 1950s. He was the Captain of HMS Amethyst which was shelled by the communist Chinese, an event dramatised in the film The Yangtse Incident. Bit of additional history for you right there. There’s no secret passage under the garden as one resident claimed, but there’s a mysterious arch in the party wall. No-one seems to know what this is for, although it may be a well. I have noticed that cats which come into the garden almost always go over and stare at the brickwork. The mystery deepens. The cottage isn’t haunted despite several locals telling me it is, but if it ever goes up for sale and the prospective purchasers like haunted cottages of course, then yes, it is. The Dolphin pub in the town, however, is one of the most haunted buildings in Britain and I wouldn’t stay there.
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Suffragettes marching through Littlehampton, 1919
Sadly, there is no cellar beneath the cottage either. If there was, it would be a home cinema by now. The conservatory installers drilled down 30 metres and found only sand and gravel. Are any of the rumours true? Well the cottage was as some claim a crack den in the 1980s. When Daye Lewis’s family, which owned it then no longer needed
it as a holiday home it fell into disrepair and was a venue for some drug-fuelled high jinx. So if it’s nothing to do with its past link to naughty aristocrats’ progeny or an orphanage, why is it called ‘The Dolls’ House’? Rather disappointingly, the truth is... Neville and Muriel just liked the name.
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Mike and Rita Spooner visited me with fascinating information about one period of the 283 year-old cottage’s history, including many photographs. Taken in 1903 in Stamford Hill, this one captures the Golden Wedding celebration of John and Louisa Ginn. Their son David and his wife Anna Maria’s daughter, Muriel, married Neville Hunt and their daughter Anne met Tony Spooner at the tennis club and became engaged while staying at The Dolls’ House. They had three children, Mike, Julia and Henry, who all contacted me after seeing the programme, saying they spent many summer holidays in The Dolls’ House as children. Neville and Muriel Hunt had bought the property in the 1920s as a base for their children Harold and Anne – Mike Spooner’s mother – who had returned from India to be schooled here. They also owned the house at 6, South Terrace onto which The Dolls’ House backed. Local relatives looked after the children at the cottage during school holidays and Muriel returned to England annually, her husband Neville every two years. When Muriel died in 1979 the cottage
passed to Daye Lewis, Anne’s younger sister, and was used as a holiday home by the family. It was sold to Mrs Oliver in 1987 in poor structural condition having been unused for years, and I bought it in February 2008. 25
26 The bricked-up arch that cats find fascinating
During the darkest days from 2008 until 2010 I had posted a message on Martin Lewis’s Money Saving Expert website entitled ‘Please advise – it’s all gone SO wrong’. People joined the forum in large numbers, maybe intrigued by the title or by the generous, hilarious and kind comments people made to my posts. The thread burst quickly through the 5,000-post limit after having had 350,000 views, and a new thread was launched which attracted 3,225 posts, viewed 154,000 times and counting. The post read as follows...
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Mike’s Mob
out. More requests for money were met as he was doing a good job, then a larger payment was requested so he could order oak frames, a kitchen and other materials. Then he simply left the site. No rows, no explanation, no oak frames. After a few weeks it was clear he wasn’t coming back. Seemingly, he’d quoted low to get the job because he knew I’d pay partly in cash. He probably used my money to pay his debts and finish other jobs. After Hello This is my first post. Four years ago I was married with two young children, a nice house and a good job. Today, I’m living on a building site, in debt, broke, depressed and on benefits. How did this happen? Basically I paid a cowboy builder up front to do some work. I bought a tumbledown cottage with an ivy tree growing though the roof, amongst other problems. I had enough money to completely renovate it, and a builder was recommended. I engaged him and he started stripping it
months of unreturned calls I engaged a solicitor to go after him. I was dealing with diabetes and high blood pressure, and I had no kitchen or fridge. I was also dealing with the effects of eye surgery that had gone wrong. The solicitor obtained a CCJ against the builder for £22,050. She wanted several thousand pounds more to obtain a charging order against him. I couldn’t pay her as I’d spent the last of my savings on a new roof and my car had been sold already to buy a boiler and bathroom suite. In the middle of this I had to move in to the 28
cottage as my friends were tired of finding me on their
did nothing
sofa each morning while I waited for the work to be
further about it
finished. Living there was like camping on a building
despite knowing
site, and cold. Plaster dust got into everything. There
that my plan was
was a single cold tap in the garage, and power came
to obtain an order
through four extension leads. I had to use the showers
forcing him to
at the nearby swimming pool and wash dishes in the
sell his house.
sink in my bathroom. I researched the legal process and obtained a Final Charging Order against the builder myself. Outside the court room he said he’d get a loan for the money he’d admitted he owed me (aka stole) but he
I contacted the Citizens’ Advice Bureau and a legal help line which both confirmed that because his house was owned in joint names with his wife but the debt was his alone, I could not force him to sell it. The police weren’t interested as it’s apparently a civil matter. Trading Standards was unable to do anything either. Although I might get some money from the builder when he sells his house as I’m now listed as a creditor on the property register this could take years. He could even leave the house to his children and I wouldn’t see a penny. I will need to start another court case to get him to court again to obtain a Force of Sale judgment which involves masses of work, and only 0.4 percent of judgments are in favour of the creditor anyway. 29
I had paid £170k for the cottage.
gardens competition for my
Done up it could be worth around
hanging baskets last summer — and
£250k but I bought it to live in.
the exterior at the front looks OK
Thanks to his negligence the
but it’s a wreck inside. There’s
cottage is now worth £150k at most
plywood over the hole he left in
and would probably only sell to a
the living room wall for the patio
builder who wanted a quick
doors and I can’t heat it. The
turnaround project. It will cost
‘garden’ is littered with dangerous
about £20k to finish it. No-one
rubbish.
will lend me the money and my mortgage provider isn’t interested because the DWP is currently paying the mortgage but I don’t know for how long. My bank credit card was maxed out ages ago on plumbing stuff.
The builder admits he turns over at least £100,000 a year but has never shown a profit or paid income tax and his wife works too. The court might allow him to walk away paying a few pounds a month if he is employed but he’s made
The house is yards from the beach
similar arrangements with other
and I love it and want to live in
creditors previously and never
it forever. I’ve done what I can – I
paid a penny. According to the law,
even won first prize in the town’s
he doesn’t have to.
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31 People following the saga online met in person to help the DIY SOS team
I don’t qualify for council or charity support because I’m under 60 and I own the cottage. I am at the end of my tether and have no idea what to do next. I am pretty much ruined but the system lets him go into people’s houses and steal money without forcing him to pay back a thing. He has a nice, warm house and it’s not at risk of repossession like mine is. I shouldn’t have paid him up front but he was recommended as a good builder and you have to trust people. I hope something comes along soon. I can’t think what anyone can do to help, but thanks for reading this.
Mike
Maybe I went into such detail because I was desperate or because I needed someone to pat me on the arm and sympathise. But something clicked and, within a few days, helped by the interest in the thread pushing it to the top of the index of discussions, it ‘went viral’.
members made was that in reading the forum they had identified with me as someone battling against the system, in my case the legal system. Their problems mostly had nothing to do with builders but ranged from being unable to get a washing machine repaired, to bad stuff happening in their relationships – anything connected with loss of control and feelings of hopelessness. One of the best outcomes of the forum was the number of people who formed friendships online and in person. Some travelled hundreds of miles to meet up, and stay in Littlehampton for a few days helping the DIY SOS team. For some it was their first trip away from home without their family in years, and they hadn’t believed they could ever have done it. Some still talk every day on Facebook. I’m indebted to them for backing up my e-mail to the programme’s producer with theirs, and I cannot imagine how I’d have gone through what followed without them.
Some Mike’s Mobsters saw me as a bloke who needed a hot meal, which was true. A frequent comment Mob 32
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To all Mike’s Mob, the thousands of online supporters and all the beautiful people who gave their time and wisdom so freely and generously, thank you.
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Do you know someone who needs our help?
I had watched DIY SOS since the programme began, and even in my wildest dreams never imagined I would one day contact them and ask for help. If I had, I doubt I’d have been chosen. Things like that don’t happen to people like me and I have always somehow managed to sort myself out. But watching the programme on a television balanced on a pile of boxes one freezing evening in my bare living room, I started to wonder. I have always been reluctant to ask anyone for help, but I was going down for the third time and had run out of ideas.
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My kitchen/dining room in 2010. I was in two minds whether to include a photo here showing how bad things were when the DIY SOS scouting party arrived. It’s surprising what you can put up with when there is no alternative, and you start thinking it’s almost normal. While I’m down here in 8pt type and no-one except you will read this, I’ll tell you a secret: I had to search for loose change in the car to be able to buy that cup of coffee. 40
Buoyed up by my appearance on The One Show in
producer’s direct email address and wrote reminding
February of that year I wrote a letter to DIY SOS at the
him of my application. He called back two hours later
address shown at the end of the programme. I didn’t
and mentioned that he had received more than a
really expect anything to happen, and it didn’t, at least
hundred emails from people describing themselves as
for a while. While I was at it, I wrote to Rogue Builders
‘Mike’s Mob members’ the same morning. He
and Cowboy Builders. The latter programme,
immediately arranged for his people to come down
presented by Dom Littlewood, had recently changed its
from Bristol to talk to me.
format from doing up one room to renovating whole houses. I would have been grateful if they gave me a new rug for the concrete floor. Rogue Builders took up my case and sent a researcher to talk to me. As a result, they offered to renovate the garage into a kitchen, which gave me hope. Cowboy Builders weren’t sure if they would be getting a new series, and would not be able to start for up to a year if they did. After a couple of months, and egged on by Mike’s Mob on the Money Saving Expert website, I hatched a cunning plan. I’d contact DIY SOS again, but ask the members of the Mob to contact them as well, supporting my application, ideally on the same day for
Five hours later, I received a call from Rogue Builders saying they would take me on, and asked me to get quotes from kitchen fitters and builders for the necessary work. It never rains but it pours! My excitement was rising but I was used to having things dangled in front of me and then snatched away each time I had taken my builder to court. Mark Millar, the brilliant and funny ‘foreman’ of the DIY SOS team, arrived soon after with Christine Nisbet, an extremely smart researcher. They may have been shocked at the conditions under which I was living, but they gave no indication. We chatted, they took photographs and video, and left.
maximum welly. I somehow managed to get the 41
Having heard nothing for a few days, and aware that Rogue Builders might withdraw their offer, I sent an email to DIY SOS’s producer asking if they had made a decision. He called me back and said they wanted to go ahead. I burst into tears of relief, then I rang the boys to share the incredible news. Mark and Julia Kendell, the programme’s resident designer, came to see me a few days later to measure up and talk to me about how I had intended to complete the cottage. Julia is talented, she is beautiful, and she is genuinely kind. She explained that they wouldn’t be able to do the garden, which I wasn’t so bothered about, and sent me out to have a coffee while they discussed the possibilities. When I returned an hour later they were all smiles. If this was a practical joke it was a good one... 42
The Big Build
Even on the first day of the build I still didn’t feel certain that anyone would turn up, so as I drove into my road I was very relieved to see the area buzzing with people and vehicles. I met Beth Brooks, the director and Julian, Julia, Chris and Nick, with whom I toured the building and was filmed for the first time. I managed to grab a photograph of this historic moment then I was asked to leave after handing over my front door keys. It’s a condition of the programme makers that you don’t return to the site or have any sneaky peeks from a neighbouring rooftop. I certainly wasn’t planning to jeopardise everything, and I enjoyed giving my problem to someone else at last. Then I headed back to Horsham, where I was staying with my friend Debbie, feeling more than a little apprehensive.
included in the programme and the world was deprived of the sight of Billy the electrician in a storyteller’s cape and hat telling the children a deliberately boring ‘story’ about his childhood. They gradually got up and drifted away until he was alone. It was very funny and proved that Billy, like every member of the team, wasn’t just good at his job, but had that showbizzy X-Factor. I didn’t sneak back to see what was going on and when the reveal happened everything I saw was genuinely a wonderful surprise and everything you see on the programme is exactly as it happened. Having lived with my poor old cottage through every disappointment of the previous few years, it was going into its most exciting phase and I couldn’t be there to see it, which felt very weird.
During the following nine days Jack, Sam and I were required at different locations where interviews were filmed. We were taken out for a day’s sailing on the Solent in Southampton, and I went with some of the team to a local primary school to help them with clearing and planting a new sensory garden. Sadly, that piece was not 44
45 Julian, Julia, Chris and Nick let me grab a quick photo before I had to leave the house for nine days
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47 Mark Millar somehow orchestrated up to 50 trades working on site
48 Nick and director, Beth Brooks, discuss the day’s filming
‘The Prince of Darkness’, electrician Billy Byrne 49
50 Design guru Julia Kendell wielded a mean paintbrush
51 Christine Nisbet and the team from BBC Bristol managed visitors to the site
52 ‘Mike’s Mob’ members worked long days helping bring it all together on time
53it Mark Millar and Mat Skelton hard at
54 Jack gets an expert lesson when we were taken sailing for the day
55 Sam took to sailing like a duck to...
Ahoy there... even the old man had a56 go
57 A fabulous day out together
Open your eyes...
What can I say? How can I summarise the events leading up to, and following, the best few days of my life so far, apart from when my sons were born? If the whole thing was unbelievable, the days leading up to it had been amazing. The reveal was almost too intense and emotional to describe. I was led by Nick, with my eyes closed, to the front of the house, then inside. I do remember standing on a carpet I didn’t think I had while he said a few words and counted down, and I noticed the smell of paint and sawn wood. “Open your eyes,” he said. I thought they’d built a model or it was a computer simulation of the living room I had imagined for nearly three years. There was some of my furniture, but the room was light and airy and seemingly much bigger than my real living room. I’d thought about what to say as ‘OMG’ is a bit overused, but I forgot everything and just said ‘Wow!’
59 “Wow!”
Nick told me to look around. There was my television, but in the wrong place and not covered in plaster dust. There were surround-sound speakers in each corner. There were no plywood sheets covering a hole in the wall, nor a microwave oven on a pasting table. 60
He led me towards the door to the garage. The crew went ahead of us and I was asked to close my eyes again. Then I was told to look. Instead of the low ceiling, bare brick walls and concrete floor covered in boxes and cement bags, there was a kitchen straight out of a brochure. It was definitely larger than the old garage and had a higher ceiling. “Isn’t it beautiful?” asked Nick. It was. There were white gloss doors, a range cooker, marble worktops and a ceiling light made out of wine glasses. Everywhere was warm red and dazzling white. 61
We went upstairs, first to the bathroom which had been a windowless hole full of building materials. Now it was ocean blue with slate marble tiles and a huge shower cubicle. Nick pointed out the ‘pebble mat’—a bath mat made from beach stones—which everyone who sees it loves. 62
Jack’s room was a real teenager’s bedroom with a glass desk, a proper bed and a colourful rug. Perfect! 63
Then we moved to Sam’s room, which had housed my desk and computer and boxes of clothes and tools, and his Li-lo bed which had burst spectacularly one night. Now it was a stylish bedroom with paint that absorbed toxins. Sam had had two serious asthma attacks while sleeping in there, one requiring a doctor’s visit in the middle of the night and another, hospital treatment. The ivy spores that had now been removed are known to trigger attacks and can cause emphysema. All the walls had been waterproofed too, so no damp can return. 64
Finally, I was shown my bedroom, with an oak bed and chest of drawers, sliding mirror wardrobe doors and downlighters. They had even finished the en suite bathroom that I had tiled before running out of money two 
 years earlier. I felt humbled, happy and very, very lucky. This was all too good for us. There were better fittings, furniture and rugs than I could have afforded. 65
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We went downstairs and I saw that the blinds in the conservatory were closed. When they were drawn back, I saw a glorious patio garden where there had previously just been rubble, timber and broken glass. The area was decked and there were huge white tubs holding massive banana plants. Every flower bed was planted, every detail was perfect. The flint shone in the sun and roses had burst out along one wall. I even checked to see if they were artificial, but they had just flowered at the right time. That’s the BBC for you. 67
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69 The new sun room leading to the garden
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I was asked to wait out of sight while the living room was revealed to Jack and Sam. Then I saw their faces, both grinning widely, red eyed and speechless. When they saw me we all lost it and hugged each other tightly. Time seemed to stop and it felt as though there was just the three of us, although we were surrounded by television cameras capturing it all. I followed the boys as they were shown the rest of the house, dying to talk to them about everything. Finally we were told that “a few people wanted to meet us�, and we were led back to the hallway. 71
I opened the door and stared out into the sunlit street and a sea of faces. How many people... 50? 250? I recognised some. Everyone was cheering and clapping as we walked out. I looked back at the front of the house where the garage door had been, and in its place was a large window with flintwork underneath. The house had been repainted dazzling white and sage green. 72
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75 One more thing ticked off on my bucket list
76 My sister, niece and brother-in-law
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82 Beth and the camera crew were always nearby
Nick congratulated and thanked the people crowding around the house on what they had achieved and for their generosity. He said this had been the smallest house and the biggest job the programme had ever tackled, and it had attracted the biggest crowd of helpers. I managed to squeak something in response that I hope was appropriate, but I don’t remember what I said other than the bits that made it to the final programme. I started to shake hands, hugging everyone. People introduced themselves and said what they’d done. “Hi Mike, I laid the flooring,” “Hi Mike, well done! We did the conservatory/bathroom/kitchen/floors/blinds...” The line of people seemed endless. I saw Jack and Sam shaking hands and hugging everyone too. The cameras followed us as we thanked the incredible people who had done all this in just nine days. I hope we thanked everyone.
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The DIY SOS team soon left for their own homes after truly sad goodbyes. Then Mike’s Mob between them carried the boys and me through the next few hours, taking photographs, pouring drinks, disappearing off to supermarkets and coming back with bags of food that they put in the fridge and the cupboards. Wine glasses were washed, teas and coffees were made, people showed us how everything worked, and they could finally tell us about their days spent on the site working in tiny spaces with too many other people. Having been banished from the area, this was new and fascinating.
Somehow and at some time everyone must have drifted back to their hotels and B&Bs. The boys and I sat and stared around us stunned by all the hubbub and noise and excitement and shock of the day and we felt like we were sitting in a furniture showroom. There was just enough that was familiar to convince us that this was indeed our place although somehow we had moved forward in time what seemed liked years but which was really and unbelievably only days.
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85 The biofuel portable fireplace... one of many gorgeous design touches
At some time we went to bed. I left the lights on in case by turning them off, everything would be gone and there would just be mess, bricks, dust and bare wires again. I was exhausted and laid on the bed listening to the creaking as the building cooled. I looked around my bedroom one last time then closed my eyes and tried to sleep but gave up after two hours and went downstairs and made a cup of tea. I walked around the house, noticing details I had missed earlier. I felt the cool air blow in through the open doors and tried to reflect on everything that had happened during the past 24 hours. I missed the DIY SOS team we had come to see as friends and all the people who had greeted us as we walked out onto the street into the sunshine. I was excited, but it was a feeling of happiness and relief too, slowly accepting that our biggest problem had been solved by people who barely knew us. The smiling faces told us they approved of what had been done for us. They realised we’d had enough.
Nick had said some very kind and thoughtful things earlier when we were waiting round the corner before 86
Type to enter text
Nick said some valuable things before I was allowed to see the cottage. He knew what was about to happen and how people react, not just at the moment they open their eyes but also in the following days and weeks. He told me how taking away a huge weight frees people to get things into perspective, to start looking ahead to a life where worries and disappointments could be laid to one side for a while. I put my mug down, switched off the main lights and went back to bed. It was Saturday and through the window I could see it was getting light. The Mobsters were due to arrive for breakfast but now there was all the time in the world for friends, barbecues and enjoying being in a tiny cottage near the sea. And that’s the exact moment when I fell in love with my funny little Dolls’ House all over again.
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Oooh, that’s ‘im off the telly! 88
I often wondered what it would be like to be on the telly. I couldn’t imagine a reason why I ever would be, but I had a small taste of ‘fame’ when my case was taken up for a short segment on BBC’s The One Show in February 2010. Dom Littlewood, he of the chasing-cowboy-builders-and-wanglingdiscounts-from-shops programmes, arrived with a cameraman, sound man and director and filmed me filling kettles in the bathroom sink, staring forlornly at piles of building materials in the garden and talking about how useless a Charging Order or a County Court Judgment was.
Seeing someone as familiar as Dom standing on my bed hanging out of my bedroom window delivering his lines, was somewhat surreal...
My television training while PR manager for an energy company years before stood me in no stead whatsoever, but I remembered to ignore the lights and microphones and shadowy figures working in the background. Dom was patient and professional and somehow they managed to get a four-minute piece from five hours of film. I naively imagined I’d be there in the editing suite choosing my most erudite quotes and most flattering camera angles, but you don’t see anything until the broadcast. The editor wasn’t intending to make me look stupid, but it was still a worry: he had a lot of raw material to work with... 89
Dom named the builder on air, which was what I’d hoped for, but only after extensive research and allowing him a predictably oleaginous response. I imagined that being filmed on the beach and drinking coffee in East Beach Cafe would make me enormously interesting to passers-by but if I was they hid it well. When the programme was aired I almost burst with excitement. There was me, being talked about by presenter Adrian Chiles and Dom Littlewood, while two luvvies from Eastenders waited patiently for a chance to talk about themselves a bit more.
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Coincidentally, the next item on the show included an interview with someone I had once worked with. True story. I was in Tesco the following morning ready to sign autographs but the world continued as though no-one had seen the show. Although a few million people had, they clearly didn’t live in Littlehampton. Fortunately while queuing to pay I heard a
woman behind me whisper to her husband “Yeah, that’s definitely him...” I could have kissed her. The programme, although filmed in June, went out—as we say in television—on December 30 at 8pm, peak viewing time. With a much larger audience, and running for an hour and featuring a more celebrity cast and my two sons, people definitely did see it, and I received lots of messages and letters from around the country, one addressed simply to ‘Mike and the Boys, Littlehampton’. Most said how nice the light fitting in the kitchen is, and how lovely the boys are. Which they are. But a mention of me in the same breath wouldn’t have killed them, would it? Jack and Sam began receiving Facebook messages from young women only moments after they appeared on screen, and they were subsequently recognised many times, which was pretty exciting for them. I made sure I had a Biro when I went shopping the following day but I needn’t have bothered. Was I worried about the begging letters? No, I’d already decided to keep sending them. 91
I received more messages during the following weeks including a few letters from women enclosing photographs of themselves. They were well-meaning but it was slightly weird. I also received a number of e-mails and messages on the Money Saving Expert website saying they, too had bad experiences with my builder. I messaged many people and spoke to some. One woman said she screamed when she heard the builder’s name mentioned on The One Show as he had visited her only days before to quote for a job. Someone else said he’d conned her out of almost £150,000 and wrecked her house just months prior to starting work at my cottage. I also received messages from other people and businesses he had dealings with. Although it was dreadful to know other people had suffered at his grubby, calloused hands, I hope it’s not unchristian to say I was relieved to know I wasn’t the only one. 92
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