Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
qnotes
qnotes
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
inside Oct. 30-Nov. 12, 2010 Vol 25 No 13
news & features 6 11 12 14 16
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Masturbation, Sin, and Showers CMPD chief holds forum News Notes: Regional Briefs Lifestyle provides stability Average Joe
arts & entertainment
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21 23 24 25 26 28 29 30 31
Out in Print On Being a Gay Parent Drag Rag Duke Energy lights McGillis recounts years of struggle Tell Trinity For Mature Audiences Only Out in the Stars Q events calendar
opinions & views
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Editor’s Note Commentary: Bullying QPoll General Gayety TalkBack
contributors this issue Jen Colletta , Matt Comer, Tyler DeVere, Kevin Grooms/Miss Dellla, Charlene Lichtenstein, Lainey Millen, Leslie Robinson, Terri Schlichenmeyer , David Stout, Nathan Strang Trinity, Brett Webb-Mitchell
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Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc. P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222, ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Assoc. Ed.: David Stout, x210 editor2@goqnotes.com Sales: x206 adsales@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x209 production@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, 212.242.6863 Printed on recycled paper. Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2010 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
qnotes
VIEWS
editor’s note by matt comer matt@goqnotes.com
Out in the newsroom
As much as we’ve become accustomed to mostly positive coverage of LGBT people and issues by national and local news networks and publications, there was once a time when positive coverage might very well have been no coverage at all. Locally, we have people like Don King to thank. A decades-long employee of The Charlotte Observer and this publication’s very first editor, King worked both behind the scenes and later publicly to advocate for fairer, more complete coverage of LGBT people. 1986 was a landmark year. That’s when Queen City Quordinators made the move to turn its monthly newsletter, Queen City Notes, into a monthly print newspaper. QNotes survives to this day. Also that year, local media was allowed for the first-time ever unrestricted access to cover an LGBT community event. WSOC-TV, WBTV and The Observer each covered a 105-person demonstration in response to a Charlotte visit by anti-gay researcher Paul Cameron. And, in December 1986, King’s Closet Buster Productions aired the first episode of its “Gay/Lesbian Forum” on Charlotte’s public access channel. The drumbeat toward more media awareness and positive coverage for LGBT people
continued nationally, as well. In 1989, a landmark study commissioned by the American Society of Newspaper Editors took an in-depth look at LGBT journalists in America’s mainstream newsrooms. In 1990, Leroy Aarons, a former Washington Post writer and at the time editor of Oakland Tribune, presented the results of the study at ASNE’s national convention. In doing so, he came out publicly; an all-too-rare show of courage among journalists of his time. Aarons would later join with LGBT journalists across the country and form the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association. The group heralded the needs of LGBT journos, helped to shape LGBT-friendly corporate policies in America’s news companies both large and small and gave rise to increased positive news coverage of LGBT people and issues. Two decades later, LGBT people continue to leave their mark on the news industry. Out writers, reporters and anchors are more common. Yet, for many, it still takes quite the bit of courage to come out to one’s newsroom peers and especially one’s audience. Chris Brown is a good acquaintance of mine from our days at the University of North Carolina-Greensboro. There, he headed up
commentary by Tyler DeVere :: tdevere@goqnotes.com
Anti-bullying efforts needed for schools, and society
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“When the message out there is so horrible that to be gay you can get killed for it, we need to change the message,” Ellen DeGeneres poignantly explained on her show after the 2008 killing of 15-year-old Lawrence King. By the same token, if the message is so horrible that you should kill yourself for it, we need to change the message. As important as it is to tell today’s kids “it gets better” on an individual level, it’s also critical that we as a society become better for the benefit of those kids. For the LGBT youth who are in hostile environments, we need to tell them that it won’t always be so difficult, that their lives will improve. But, we also need to reduce the hostility in those environments. Achieving this goal is by no means an
easy task, nor is there an even remotely simple solution. From sensationalistic media and homophobic politicians to the language in schools and stereotypes that dehumanize us, there are clearly areas screaming for improvement. While there are truly positive media images and figures for LGBT youth, there are also many negative ones and the impact of the positive images can seem far removed and irrelevant to a young person who has no similar example in his or her own life. The real conditions for many of these adolescents are hateful politicians, teachers and even parents. When combined with constant repetitions of “that’s so gay” and “what a fag” from supposed friends — and there is no one standing
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several news programs and even covered my campaign for student body vice president. Now, he’s the Jacksonville, N.C. bureau reporter for Greenville’s WNCT Eyewitness News 9. On Oct. 19, Brown did what many LGBT journalists don’t do — at least not so publicly. In a report on bullying, following weeks of coverage on gay youth suicides across the country, Brown came out on air. “Growing up I wasn’t just picked on because I’m gay, my big ears were also a target for bullies,” Brown told his audience. Brown says his on-air coming out just made sense. “I’ve been watching the news just like everybody else and I’ve seen what’s going on with gay teenagers,” he says. “You hear these stories about kids being bullied and tormented. It’s heartbreaking. You see someone like the city councilman in Fort Worth telling people it gets better and they need to know that. I’m a very small part of that puzzle, but it did get better for me. I think my viewers deserve to know who it is they are relying on for their news. It’s just a part of me. And if I can be an example for just one person, that makes all the difference.” Brown says he was out to his colleagues well before the report aired and he encountered no resistance or hesitance from his supervisors when he approached them with the idea. “From a news perspective, it’s generally shied away from to put yourself into a story, but in this particular instance it added something to the story — it made it more personal,” Brown says. “My boss’ only question was if
I was okay with it. I said I was and he said, ‘Have at it.’” That’s phenomenal progress, especially in an industry that hasn’t always had such a great history with our community. We’re seeing that progress play out not only in Carolina, but across the nation. Even on national cable networks, out gays and lesbians are leaving their mark. MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow has been leading that charge in recent years. Brown says the decision to come out in work was a difficult one, but a decision he made early. “When I graduated from college and I did my first reporting gig, I made a decision that I was going to be me and that was it,” he says. “I’ve been nothing but upfront with everybody, even people I work with. But it was a tough decision. I went back and forth on it. Are people going to think I will lean a certain way politically? Are they going to think I can’t be fair?” Brown says he sees the day where it’s no longer an issue. “I think the landscape is changing,” he says. “What it means to be gay is evolving. I hope that over time it becomes much less a taboo and just another part of life.” I, too, hope for that day and I stand with Brown in working to shape that future. While he carries a camera and microphone, I’ll carry a notepad and pen. Combined with the efforts of LGBT and ally journalists across the country, small ripples of progress will coalesce into waves of change — change that started with folks like King and Aarons in the 1980s. It’s their legacy we carry, and it’s one I’m damn proud to be a part of. : :
against such language — a very bleak outlook is created for youth who think that’s all the world has to offer them. Stereotypes also play a major role in building latent (or not so latent) homophobia in our culture. Many people, even those who comprise the LGBT community, accept stereotypes as reality, despite their severe consequences. When stereotypes about a large community become perceived as true, as they are by many, we lose the very thing that makes us human — our individuality. When we’re all seen as monolithic, we’re not
recognized as fully human and that results in a fundamental lack of respect toward us. At the It Gets Better candlelight vigil held on Oct. 11 in Charlotte, hundreds took hand in reaching out to struggling LGBT youth to tell them that suicide is not the answer. I am proud to have been a small part of that, but I hope attendees also left with another mission going forward: standing up and speaking out against homophobia wherever, whenever and however it manifests itself. : : — Tyler DeVere is an editorial intern with qnotes.
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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All aboard the crazy train Lately the crazy train has picked up speed. I don’t know if it’s the upcoming midterm elections or people are scared by gay court victories or what, but we’re in a period of nutty. Take David Barton. Please. An evangelical minister, teacher at (Glenn) Beck University and former vice chairman of the Texas Republican Party, Barton, a selfstyled historian, is the founder of WallBuilders, a group devoted to the idea that America was founded as a Christian nation. On his WallBuilders radio show recently, Barton discussed with Rick Green how healthconscious America is, regulating cigarettes and trans fats and salt, yet allowing something to slip through that is such an obvious threat to the health of Americans: “Jersey Shore.” Okay, he didn’t say that. Instead, Barton reeled off fanciful statistics, like, “Homosexuals die decades earlier than heterosexuals,” and “nearly one-third (of homosexuals) admit to a thousand or more sex partners in a lifetime.” Barton said, “I mean, you go through all this stuff, sounds to me like that’s not very healthy. Why don’t we regulate homosexuality?” That’s the moment he boarded the crazy train. Barton, the quack historian, cited a 1920s study that found nations that “rejected sexual regulation like with homosexuality” didn’t last “past the third generation from the time that they embraced it.” Have gays been embraced? When will the third generation appear? It’s important to know when we’re supposed to make this country collapse. We have a schedule to keep. Rick Green’s role in this production was to be properly aghast that the breathtakingly unhealthy gay lifestyle is promoted and protected. That makes Green — recently a candidate for the Texas Supreme Court — the porter on the crazy train. If David Barton wants the government to regulate gay sex, Andrew Shirvell’s goal is much more modest. But Shirvell is the conductor on the crazy train. For almost six months Shirvell has railed in a blog against Chris Armstrong, the openly gay University of Michigan student assembly
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general gayety
president. Shirvell, a Michigan grad, accused Armstrong of so many things, including being anti-Christian, hosting a gay orgy, trying to recruit freshmen to be gay, and my favorite, sexually seducing a conservative student and influencing him to the point that he “morphed into a proponent of the radical homosexual agenda.” Good strategy, that seduction. Armstrong should be able to convert everybody on campus by the time he’s 106. During his anti-Armstrong crusade, Shirvell protested outside Armstrong’s house, and called him “Satan’s representative on the student assembly.” Paranoid much? All this would be plenty bad enough, but the fact that Shirvell is a Michigan assistant attorney general launches the affair into the realm of the bizarre. Rod Serling couldn’t have made this up. Shirvell’s boss, Atty. Gen. Mike Cox, cited the guy’s right to free speech, while also telling CNN he’s a “bully.” Cox said that Shirvell’s “immaturity and lack of judgment outside the office are clear.” This is more than a case of bad judgment. Shirvell is obsessed with Armstrong’s homosexuality. I have to wonder if Shirvell — now on a voluntary leave of absence — is an immense closet case or a few ties short of a railroad track. Either explanation or both might apply to Fred Phelps, leader of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church, but it’s his daughters who recently clambered on the crazy train. Margie Phelps represented Westboro at the Supreme Court in the dispute over protests at military funerals and after, while addressing the press, she and sister Shirley Phelps-Roper broke into song. They warbled a few lines of a variation on Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train.” Osbourne declared his displeasure that they used his music to advance “despicable beliefs.” When the Prince of Darkness looks civilized compared to you, your caboose is loose. : : [Leslie Robinson assumes the Phelps daughters will never sing Indigo Girls.] info:
LesRobinson@aol.com . generalgayety.com
talkback Letters to the editor and comments from goqnotes.com. Web comments are not edited for grammar or punctuation. Shopping mall discrimination In response to our story on a lesbian couple’s experience with discrimination at Raleigh Cameron Village (goqnotes. com/8843/), readers say: Unbelievable…why don’t we just tell African-Americans to sit at the back of the bus again and not allow overweight persons to dine at buffets? — amp, web, Oct. 15 Why should my husband and I have rights that my sister and her partner do not have? The actions of the security guard and the supervisor are totally unacceptable. We must fight against such discrimination. — Prof. Knight, web, Oct. 15
Duke Energy lights Responding to the rainbow light themes on Uptown’s Duke Energy Building on National Coming Out Day (goqnotes.com/8788), readers say: Awesome. I honestly became a little emotional upon seeing that in the sky last night. It’s just great. — Equality, web, Oct. 12 This was an amazing feeling, riding home from the Candle Light Vigil and looking to my left seeing this building in a display of Rainbow colors. “Alone we will have failure, but together we have strength and we will persevere.” — Michael Turner, web, Oct. 12
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
qnotes
Masturbation, Sin, and Showers A North Carolina native’s personal essay on ‘the fundamental guilt of growing up gay’ by Nathan Strang :: Bilerico.com
qnotes
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
I would masturbate in my bed at night…my mother would often knock on my door: “Nathan, I know what you are doing. Is that right in the eyes of the Lord?” Ashamed, I’d fight a raging teenage erection…addicted to this feeling…I had to get off. But Mother was right, it was wrong! Why couldn’t I be righteous? Why couldn’t I follow His Way and be the man He wanted me to be? I couldn’t help it though…I had to finish. Now even more cautious, I’d bury myself into the sheets, slowly massaging myself…I promise this will be the last time Lord! As I finish, I roll over, exhausted. The bathroom was across the hall from my room. The walls were thin and I could hear her every night crying in the shower: “Oh Lord, I don’t know what to do anymore! My children have forsaken Your Word and reject me at every passing! I live in a house where no one respects me and my children deceive me!” As my mother sobbed, continuing her watery flagellation, I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for peace for my Mother. I prayed to be a better son. I prayed to be a better man in the eyes of the Lord. I prayed for him to remove these despicable thoughts and to replace them with good things. I didn’t know I was gay back then. I just knew I was full of sin and deceit. I masturbated every night. I prayed for forgiveness every night. My Mother cried every night. Everybody does it. I knew how to do it; it’s programmed into every red-blooded American boy. I knew what to do. It started with the National Geographics. We had a bit of a collection in the past, and I would tear through every one, looking for a glimpse of human anatomy. There was no Internet, and Daddy never had any smut (that I could find). Mother was the spiritual post in the family, and she did a very good job of protecting my sister and me from the “evils” of the world. We were home-schooled, secular music and television both prohibited. Left with the one uncensored glimpse into the world, those pictures of burly bearded men in Russian saunas were the most erotic thing to me. Even to this day, it gets me off. I was born gay, but I didn’t know this at 13. All I knew was what I was told: it was my Sin Nature… u u u I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior at an early age. I was 8, at a day camp at the local YMCA. Across the slippery floor I ran to my Mother and shouted: “I have Jesus in my heart!” Just like that, JC and I were tight. I participated in every church function imaginable, and — I thought at least — soon was growing up to be a righteous young man in the eyes of The Lord. I was growing up physically as well, and it wasn’t long before I realized what felt good. It wasn’t long before my Mother found out as well. Impure thoughts. I didn’t know I was gay, but I knew I had impure thoughts. What was making me be so bad? I was taught that because of my Sin Nature we were predisposed to let our minds wander; left unchecked we could become rapists, sodomites, and could never reap the benefits of being God’s Children. I didn’t know I was gay, but I knew I was attracted to men. Sexually, I was confused, but I listened to my Mother. All of these deviant thoughts were keeping me from the “Kingdom of Heaven.” I tried my hardest to stay away, but it was all around me! I tried to be repentant, and Mother was fervent in her efforts to bring me from the gutter. As a homeschooler, I was both educated and reformed. Once, I was caught with a few slips of male pornography, remnants from one of my first and few times allowed online. Mother said my deviant behavior was destructive and painful to her (for subjecting her to the imagery), and destructive of my relationship with God. I was assigned
a paper to write. The topic: sexual deviancy. I wanted so dearly to be a good Southern Baptist boy, and began the research into biblical interpretations; they would serve as the tools to repress me. I did not know I was gay, but I knew I was a deviant. Masturbation in itself was a triple sin. The act, coupled with homosexual thoughts and an apparently unrepentant heart, tormented me. It tormented my Mother as well. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make God happy. Some of the other boys from church “suffered” from masturbation, but they only had to turn off one thing: lust. I could try to stop the lust, but the unwanted thoughts kept coming back. I didn’t know I was a homosexual, but I thought I was broken. I would cry at night: “Why Lord!? Why me? Why do I have to be the one to suffer like this? Why can’t I stop these thoughts, why do I continue to hurt those around me? Take this from me Oh Lord! Make me right in your eyes, show me Your Path, and let me shine Your Light through me…” The Lord did not take this away from me. I was left with an impossible quest to rid myself of something that would not go away. The depression left from tossing and turning all night, searching my soul for that radical “switch,” it exhausted me. My relationship with my Mother strained, as my Sin Nature made it hard for her to trust me. I could not have male friends for she feared I would molest them, and drag them down into sin with me. My parents were separated, and I was not allowed to spend time with my dad; she was afraid I would be corrupted by his secular ways. Despite my struggle as an apparent deviant, I continued to focus on the Bible. I became a summer missionary, went to revival camps, and filled my time with His Work. There was nothing else to do, there was no one else I could be. I was 14, Mother had gotten a job, my sister turned 18 and moved out, and there was no one to supervise my homeschooling. I could no longer be trusted at home; I had to go to public school. My first day at High School, a friend from church brought me to the clique that would be my family for four years…the outcasts. Goth kids, trench coats, and shitty attitude aside, they took me in and started the work of unraveling this tangled little boy. I excelled in school, but got an F in social skills. Liberated from my Mother’s daily stricture, I slowly began to see the light. It was a secular light, but a light that warmed a part of me that was cold, scarred, and lonesome. I fractured into two people: this worldly young man who loved his new friends and felt respected, and a worried Christian, aware he was backsliding and feared the flames of hell and the wrath of God. The prayers for forgiveness appended with tormenting thoughts of the future. If I continue to backslide I would never be happy, I would hurt everyone I knew, and God would turn his back on me. To this day I fear one thing above all: eternity. I did not know I was gay, but I knew I was of the world. Yearly, at some Christian revival or conference, I would rededicate myself to Christ. No more masturbation, no more impure thoughts! It would last about a week. u u u I was 16, fully integrated into school, trying desperately to be normal. I even found myself a girlfriend! Thank God for promise rings; we never had sex, and so my ability to even perform such an act with a woman was never questioned. I did love her though. My academic success allowed me to attend Governor’s School, a startlingly liberal summer camp for the brightest students in North Carolina. It was held in beautiful historic Salem College, in Winston-Salem, NC.
see ‘Guilt’ on 15
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
NEWS
Collaboration stressed by CMPD chief at forum LGBT-inclusion a priority for Chief Rodney Monroe, but resists commitment to create permanent LGBT liaison by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com
Fifty people gathered at the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte on Oct. 12 to meet and chat with Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department (CMPD) Chief Rodney Monroe. His appearance at the forum was historic, marking the first time a Charlotte police chief so publicly held an open discussion with members of the LGBT community. The discussion was quickly opened up to audience questions. Several audience members asked the chief about a potential LGBT
year’s officers’ training on domestic violence. Monroe also stressed his desire to see more interaction between CMPD and the LGBT community. Forum organizer and moderator Roberta Dunn said she was working on creating some sort of volunteer community advisory board made up of business owners, community members and others. Still, Monroe resisted committing to a permanent LGBT police liaison, although that topic came up for discussion several times. He said Maj. John Diggs, CMPD’s Community Services Division head, already performs similar functions for the entire community and directed LGBT people to contact Diggs if they needed anything. “We don’t know all the issues in your community,” Monroe said. “I’m not going to sit here and say I do. We need someone willing to come in and help us understand those issues. But, I’m not overly focused on specialization. It’s not fair to any community to only have one person responCharlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Rodney Monroe speaks sible for a set of issues.” with an LGBT community member at the Lesbian & Gay Community Several other cities in Center of Charlotte. the Southeast have or had police liaison position inside the department LGBT police liaison units, including Atlanta, and specialized training on LGBT issues and Washington, D.C. and the Richland County sensitivity for all CMPD officers. (Columbia, S.C.) Sheriff’s Office. Atlanta’s liaison Monroe said he was supportive of such office has recently been increased to two measures, but asked for community support. officers. Such direct support and collaborative action, Audience members also asked about he said, would enable CMPD to make steps CMPD’s recruitment efforts among the LGBT forward. community. One audience member said he “Charlotte, as big and as pretty as it is, is knew of no openly gay male officers and still a Southern town, with small town ways,” asked Monroe if he did. he said. “We have to work together to make “Yes, I do know some personally,” Monroe this happen.” replied, saying he is comfortable knowing Riley Murray, a Pride Charlotte committee CMPD reflects the diversity of the city it serves. member, asked Monroe specifically about The forum was partly a response to LGBT training for officers. She said some offiCMPD’s handling of the Toni Alston murder cers working at the 2010 Pride festival weren’t case. Alston, who was transgender, was gay-friendly. murdered at her home in April. The resulting “The officers we had at Gateway [Village] follow-up by police and detectives failed to were great, but when we moved to the NC include the LGBT community and led to the Music Factory, we had some officers who use of anti-gay and anti-trans slurs at a press weren’t LGBT-friendly” Murray, said. “I feel conference. Those slurs later made it into we need better backing from CMPD [at these mainstream media reporting on the crime. events].” Monroe’s forum at the Lesbian & Gay Monroe said he expected all of his officers Community Center marks the first time a to act professionally, but that “officers are huCMPD chief has publicly addressed the LGBT man beings and will bring their own prejudiccommunity, although other CMPD officials es to the job.” He said officers who don’t act have had meetings with the community. The professionally should be reported. If a pattern last CMPD meeting with the community ocdevelops, he said, action would be taken. curred more than a decade ago. : : Monroe stressed his willingness to offer — Originally reported at more LGBT-inclusive training for all officers goqnotes.com/8801/ on Oct. 12, 2010. several times. “More than 800 of our officers have Miss the forum? received training in mental health issues,” Did you miss the Oct. 12 forum with Monroe said, drawing a parallel. “As a result CMPD Chief Rodney Monroe? Catch we have seen a tremendous reduction in the qnotes’ entire video of the event at number of arrests and in increase in sensitivgoqnotes.com/8824/. ity in those situations.” LGBT issues will be included in the coming
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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BRIEFS
news notes: from the carolinas, nation and world compiled by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com | David Stout :: david@goqnotes.com | Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com
Crossroads CLT, TOY host dialogue CHARLOTTE — On Oct. 17, a form was held among Crossroads Charlotte, Time Out Youth and Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools at the Jewish Community Center entitled “Bullied Until Broken? The Impact of Bullying on LGBT Youth in Charlotte-Mecklenburg and Community Responses.” The hopes of the event were high, so said TOY’s Steve Bentley. Crossroads Charlotte’s Executive Director Tracy Russ wanted to be sure to provide a space for safe conversation. All this came on the coat tails of media attention paid to anti-LGBT bullying and its sometimes tragic consequences. About 60 attended and heard stories from area gay and lesbians teens about their experiences during the 90-minute panel, who also featured TOY Services Director Laurie Pitts, Deb Kaclik, a CharlotteMecklenburg Schools administrator and youth participants Dang Pham and Loan Tran. “It’s a chance to engage the broader community in a conversation,” Bentley said. “Regardless of what the nature of the bullying is and the target of the bullying, its effects are hurtful and damaging and the consequences are severe.” Russ added, “We’ve always thought of Crossroads Charlotte as having the capacity to be port of the civic space in this community, much like a town square or public hall. It’s where people can come together around any number of issues and the intention would be to involve as many people as we can from a diverse background across a variety of viewpoints and come together to talk about these issues. Maybe we arrive at a resolution, and perhaps we don’t.”
Charlotte Pageant rated tops
CHARLOTTE — Von Entertainment was awarded the Best State Preliminary in the Miss Gay America system on Oct. 17 at the Lifestyles Auditorium in Columbus, Ohio, at the national pageant held there. Owners Larry Tyger and Terry Eason, along with outgoing Miss Gay America Coco Montrese presented the honors. Von also captured the Best Set Design designation as well. In order to gain a nomination a preliminary must obtain a perfect scorecard from their judges and their visiting system dignitary. Only three states are given the nod. This was only the second time in the 34-year history that the North Carolina pageant won. Rick Wilds purchased the system for the Tar Heel state on two separate occasions. The national pageant, which was won by Cottin Collins from Raleigh, had all 52 contestants present. — L.M.
Church welcomes lesbian pastor
CHARLOTTE — Piedmont Unitarian Universalist Church, 9704 Mallard Creek Rd., has hired a new pastor. Rev. Robin Noelle Tanner, 26, is a graduate of the University of Rochester and Harvard Divinity School. She and her partner, Stephanie, had already moved to Charlotte. “I am honored and excited to be called by a congregation who believe in the power of love to heal and transform our world,” Tanner said in a release. Tanner was raised with the teaching of both Jesus Christ and Buddha. She says she discovered Unitarian Universalism while in
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“I think that you can see a number of examples [of progress] that are very visible and some not so visible but important,” he says. “The fact that there was a skyscraper uptown illuminated in the rainbow flag — that was a huge step forward. Does that affect policy? No. Does it mean that you have the right to do something that you didn’t have yesterday? No. But it is an important acknowledgment by very senior, powerful leaders in this community that the LGBT community is a part of who we are.” Bentley hopes recent conversations on LGBT youth can turn from mourning those lost to keeping those still alive safe and included. Enforcement of local and state policies or laws protecting LGBT young people must be a priority, he says. “One of the things we know about policies, whether in business or in schools, is that the decision on how to enforce those policies are left to individual decision makers, for example school principals,” Bentley says. “How sternly it’s enforced, how effectively consequences for violations are meted out can vary from school to school. It does invite the community to be able to step in and for every parent to have a conversation with his or her child’s school.” Reporter Tim Funk wrote in the Charlotte Observer: “It ended with a prayer from Rabbi Judy Schindler that no more candles will need to be lit because others — friends, family, teachers, clergy, politicians — stood up and spoke out against torture and torment of the vulnerable.” Temple Beth El and Temple Israel joined Crossroads Charlotte and Time Out Youth to organize the event. — L.M. & M.C.
college and that it felt “like coming home.” The congregation unanimously approved Tanner’s call. She says she is excited to serve. For more information, visit puuc.org. — M.C.
Triad Isaacson highlights Gala
GREENSBORO — Sara Isaacson, a University of North Carolina ROTC student, will be a featured workshop co-leader at the upcoming Equality Conference & Gala on Nov. 13. She will be sharing information on how college students can lobby their legislators. Isaacson was discharged for disclosing her sexuality to her commander last spring as a result of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” A plethora of panelist will be leading other workshops that day and include Mayor of Franklinton Elic Senter, Mayor of Chapel Hill Mark Kleinschmidt, Tryon Town Commissioner Doug Arbogast and Orange County Commissioner (and former Carrboro Mayor) Mike Nelson. To register or for more information, visit equalitync.org. — L.M.
GGF disperses $52,000 to grantees
GREENSBORO — The Guilford Green Foundation (GGF) awarded $52,000 to area LGBT community groups on Oct. 13, with Mayor Pro-Tem Nancy Vaughan in attendance. Foundation leaders say the grants will be used to further community needs, interests and services across the Triad area. Vaughan praised the group and its “long-term efforts to unite community through its support of groups that promote fairness, diversity, and inclusivity.”
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
Despite the recent difficult fundraising environment, GGF has increased its endowment to over $325,000 and is able to continue its annual funding tradition. Since 1996, GGF has granted over $600,000 to LGBT projects and programs. According to Funders for LGBT Issues, LGBT grantmaking by US foundations makes up only 0.2 percent of all dollars awarded by American philanthropy. For a full list of grant recipients and grant totals, read more at goqnotes.com/8936/. In related news, GGF’s executive director, Luck Davidson, has announced she is stepping down from her position to spend more time with her family. Board co-chair Ivan Canada will temporarily step in to the executive director’s role. — M.C.
Eastern Hate crime investigated at ECU
GREENVILLE, N.C. — Police have arrested one man in connection with a potential antigay hate crime and assault on two women on the campus of East Carolina University (ECU). Investigators are also looking for a second man they think was involved in the incident,
which occurred in the early morning hours on Oct. 15 outside of a campus dormitory. Two women, 18 and 19 years old, were exiting the dorm when a group of men allegedly began hurling anti-gay slurs at them. One woman was spat on when she confronted the group and was later hit by Bryan Berg, 18. Berg was arrested for assault on a female. He’s been released under a $27,000 bond. Both women were treated at Pitt County Memorial Hospital. One was released, but the other remains hospitalized after suffering a broken jaw. “We have to look at all the elements of the incident to see if they meet the federal requirements to be classified as a hate crime, including what was said and the actions that occurred. At this time, we believe it was an isolated incident,” Assistant ECU Police Chief Dawn Tevepaugh told The Daily Reflector. Updates to this story, if any, and more are available online at goqnotes.com/8892/. — M.C.
Triangle Mall apologizes for discrimination
RALEIGH — Officials with Cameron Village shopping center have apologized to a lesbian couple after they alleged a security officer their booted them from the premises after showing “gentle affection.” Caitlin Breedlove, co-director of the Triangle area social justice group Southerners on New Ground (SONG), and her girlfriend had just finished eating lunch at The Flying Biscuit on Oct. 13 when they sat outside the restaurant, hugged and shared a brief kiss. They allege a security officer and his supervisor asked them to leave the property after doing so. qnotes contacted a spokesperson with Cameron Village property and security managers York Properties, but a request for comment wasn’t returned. On Oct. 15, however, Cameron Village officials updated their Facebook fan page — which had become host to several comments chastising the mall for their actions — and apologized for the treatment Breedlove and her partner received. “Cameron Village is a family friendly shopping center that welcomes the entire community,” the Cameron Village wall post read. “We sincerely regret Wed. events & we have contacted Ms. Breedlove and have set a meeting. Cameron Village is committed to maintaining an open and welcoming environment for everyone.” Later in the comment threads on that post, Cameron Village said, “We wanted you to know that the officer involved was immediately suspended. The supervising officer and all security officers will receive additional sensitivity training.” SONG held a demonstration against the mall, demanding LGBT-inclusive sensitivity training for Cameron Village security officials, on Oct. 17. For the full story, visit goqnotes.com/8843/. — M.C.
ELECTION 2010 Local and state LGBT groups have made their endorsements in this year’s midterm elections, to be held on Nov. 2. This election season has been marked by extremely partisan rhetoric, negative ads and campaigning and a “Tea Party” insurgence as the nation continues to climb out of one of its worst economic recessions since the Great Depression. Log on to goqnotes.com/8935/ to see this year’s endorsements from the Mecklenburg Gay & Lesbian Political Action Committee (MeckPAC), Greensboro’s Replacements, Ltd. PAC and Equality North Carolina PAC. : :
Tunnel gets a new face
RALEIGH — The Free Expression Tunnel at North Carolina State University has recently been given a fresh coat of white paint, with the exception of an area devoted to Marvin Malecha, dean of the College of Design, in a mural motif. The Andy Warhol-inspired creation took seven hours to complete and entailed a stencil effect to create all of the necessary colors used. The refresher to the Tunnel took place after an Oct. 12 defacing of the GLBT Center’s “I am…” statements with derogatory terms to describe gays, said the school’s Technician. The Tunnel was in the public light in 2008 when messages of threat aimed at then President-elect Barak Obama were found there. The main concern is the issue of freedom of speech. A staff new editorial stated, “While no one is suggesting the University shut down the Free Expression Tunnel, anyone who paints it must remember it is a privilege. For anyone who wants to paint the tunnel, do so with thought.” The university tries to provide a discrimination-free climate with healthy communications. But the reality of that may not be certain for everyone. Jessica Moore, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the Department of Communication, has called for more tolerance on campus in order to become a stronger Wolfpack. She said, “We must demand an environment where everyone is personally and intellectually protected to participate in course dialogue.” She wants LGBT faculty and staff to be afforded the same rights and benefits as those of the straight ones. At this time, she feels that the school’s Equal Opportunity and Non-Discrimination Policy and its efforts “fall considerably short.” She does not see students free from intolerance either. An ROTC student was outed by his classmates and he was discharged and lost his scholarship. — L.M.
National Gay adoption now legal in Fla.
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum announced Oct. 22 that he would not appeal the landmark ruling by the Third District Court of Appeal striking down the state’s anti-gay adoption ban as unconstitutional. Gov. Charlie Crist and the Florida Department of Children and Families had already announced that they would not appeal the decision. The ruling is binding on courts across the state. In a statement, Kate Kendell, executive director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, said, “It is truly heartening that Florida’s elected leaders have stepped up to the plate and finally agreed to put this offensive law to rest once and for all. We are thrilled that the Florida Department of Children and Families will never again have to waste its time rooting out ‘homosexual’ and bisexual people who apply to become adoptive parents — instead, it can now focus on making sure that children who desperately need homes can find the very best loving, devoted parents to adopt them. This is a great day for the state of Florida and for LGBT families everywhere.” — D.S.
Effort mobilizes 1000s of students
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Thousands of students from more than 1,000 middle and high schools across the country participated in GLSEN’s
Ally Week Oct. 18-22 to identify, encourage and support allies in addressing anti-LGBT bullying in schools. A student-led and student-created event, Ally Week is a way to build upon the unifying work of Gay-Straight Alliance student clubs by encouraging people to be allies against antiLGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment in schools. Students participate in a number of ways but usually encourage their peers to take the Ally Week pledge, which students and adults sign either through pledge cards in school or online at allyweek.org.The pledge reads: I believe all students, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression deserve to feel safe and supported. That means I pledge to: Not use anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) language or slurs. Intervene, if I safely can, in situations where students are being harassed. Support efforts to end bullying and harassment. — D.S.
Lambda seeks to defend DP law
MADISON, Wisc. — In court papers filed earlier this month, Lambda Legal asked to intervene on behalf of Fair Wisconsin and five same-sex couples in a lawsuit brought by an anti-gay group attempting to strip away critical domestic partnership protections for same-sex couples and their families. This is the second time Wisconsin Family Action has asked a court to overturn the domestic partner law Gov. Jim Doyle signed last year. Domestic partnerships grant limited, but important legal protections to same-sex couples, including hospital visitation and family medical leave to care for a sick or injured partner. Wisconsin Family Action says the domestic partnership law violates the anti-gay constitutional amendment passed in 2006 that bars marriage equality and recognition of any legal status that is “substantially similar” to marriage. — D.S.
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LGBT youth expert touring China
CHINA — At press time, Dr. Caitlin Ryan, a leading researcher on acceptance of LGBT youth by their families, is presenting her research and new family support model in China. Her tour began Oct. 24 and continues through Nov. 5. She is speaking at various conferences, universities and community agencies on the importance of family acceptance for the well-being and health of LGBT youth and their families. Dr. Ryan’s itinerary includes presentations at Renmin University in Guangzhou and Beijing; a conference in Beijing for parents of LGBT children; meetings with Beijing’s Anti-Domestic Violence Network and the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS); and a presentation at Hong Kong University, “The Critical Role of Families in Reducing Risk & Promoting Well-being for LGBT Youth & Young Adults.” Throughout her trip, Dr. Ryan, who is traveling with Shannon Minter, Legal Director of the National Center for Lesbian Rights, and Luis Perelman, sexuality educator and founder of the Asociación Internacional de Familias por la Diversidad Sexual, has been posting her travel experiences on bilerico.com. — D.S.
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Tuesday, November 16, 2010 United Way CEO Jane McIntyre Crowne Plaza, 201 S. McDowell St. Cash Bar Social/Heavy Hor d’oeuvres @ 5:30 pm Program starts @ 6:45 pm $15 members, $20 non-members Call 704.565.5075 by 12 pm Friday, November 12, 2010 or email businessguild@yahoo.com to request tickets for this event
www.charlottebusinessguild.org Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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Leather, BDSM ‘lifestyle’ provides security, stability When most folks think leather or BDSM — that is, bondage, domination, sadism, masochism — chills might run up their spine. Or, perhaps, feelings of disgust flash through their mind. It’s that initial, gut reaction that most upsets Pam Payne. She lives in and around Hickory and operates a mentoring program and four-bedroom “halfway house,” so to speak, for people in the leather and BDSM “lifestyles” who find themselves in flux or in need of some extra help. She is a part of the BDSM lifestyle herself and she says her way of living is about much more than images of sexual power, pain and perversion most people ascribe to it. “It’s not purely a sexual identity,” Payne says in rebuttal to arguments about her life and family. “I’d say its a balance of 50-50 — people who just want to belong on a level that doesn’t exist in the vanilla world.” “Vanilla” is how Payne describes mainstream society, whether gay or straight. She says most people in the BDSM lifestyle simply long for acceptance and relationships that matter. “I want to be able to do this for you, give this to you, serve you in this way and, in return, I want you to take care of me in this particular way,” she says, describing a typical relationship which she says is built over periods of months — sometimes years — and depends on negotiation and contract. Payne says most relationships “in the lifestyle” require people to “lay out all their cards on the table.” Someone might have a good job or good credit, for example, while their partner doesn’t like to pay bills and doesn’t want to handle the money at all. She says some relationships are even 100 percent sex-free and instead center around mutual caring or service. “Mostly, it’s people who don’t want any gray area,” she says. “How many people get married today and don’t even know who will do the dishes? How many people check the credit score of their partner? How many people get married and have never had an STD test until afterward?” Payne also says she often feels the sting of prejudice and bias, particularly from the LGBT community.
“We’re completely ostracized by the gay community,” she says. “If I go out with my leather family and they are wearing the simplest of collars or moving around the club as a family, we are very rarely interacted with. It’s very much a quick “Hi, how ya doing?” interaction and people just keep walking on. They don’t want to be associated with ‘weird people.’” But, one of the biggest misconceptions Payne and other leather or BDSM folks face is the perception that some people are being “owned,” “subjugated” or “subordinated” by other people. It’s a perception that, to many, seems to fly in the face of values on individual liberty. Payne says the reality is quite the opposite. “We do live in a country that is supposed to be about freedom of choice,” she says. “When you go into service, people don’t own you in the sense of ‘You’re mine and do what I say.’ People have to negotiate, have a contract. Service is sought after. Domination even more so.” Payne adds, “Submissives have rules, hard limits they set for themselves. Total power exchange relationships are few and far between. Very few people can say, ‘I trust you completely to take care of me and I’ll ask no questions.’ People in collars have worked very hard to get into those and they’ve made their negotiations for their particular situation the way they want it.” Payne insists that service, submission, domination or any other part of her lifestyle are merely facets of a much larger issue. At the end of the day, she expects others to respect both her sexual and personal freedom — legal rights already attained by gay people after the Supreme Court’s 2003 ruling in Lawrence v. Texas. She says cooperation among leather, BDSM, bear and other stigmatized communities could usher in much-needed legal changes. “I’d like to see some unity,” she pleads. “There are so many laws working against us having our sexual freedom. I’d like to see these communities come together so our numbers grow and we can have more say.” In December, Payne is helping to organize a special event in Charlotte for leather, levi, bear, BDSM and other communities. Her hope to create a push toward that unity she craves. The event would be the first time diverse Carolina fetish communities combined to host an event at the same place and time. “My goal is to bring all these people together to share ideas, honor each group for their community service and provide a place where they can all come together once a year as one group,” she says. Learn more about Payne’s event, LeatherFet2010, at leatherfet.com. : : — Matt Comer
Leather, Levi and Bear resources Organizations
Nightlife
Carolina Bear Lodge / Bear / Carolinas-wide / carolinabears.com
Club Cabaret Hickory / clubcabarethickory.com
The Tradesmen / Leather/Levi / Charlotte / thetradesmen.org Charlotte Bear Dinner Group / Bear / Charlotte / charlottebears.com Southern Country Charlotte / Country/Western Dancing / southerncountrycharlotte.com Tarheel Leather Club / Leather/Levi / Greensboro / tarheelleatherclub.org Capital Leathermen / Leather/Levi / Raleigh / capitalleathermen.org
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Flex Raleigh / flex-club.com Sidelines Sports Bar Charlotte / thesidelinesbar.com The Woodshed Lounge Charlotte / woodshedlounge.com
‘Guilt’ of growing up gay I was in a completely different world. There was no parental control: only staff guidance in the form of suggestions. We were left to organize ourselves into intellectual sects. I was there for Natural Science, but I tended to stick with the “eccentrics.” I was comfortable with them, and I felt included. A few of them had told me they were gay. I had never met a gay person before. These boys and girls were nice, soulful and seemingly set on a solid path. No deviants here. Tucked away in a musty corner in the basement of the college library, I found a computer connected to the Internet. My research for “gay” turned up a number of things. Who knew there was a community for them all called gay.com?! Quickly and discreetly, I lapped up all the information I could, like a parched puppy after a long walk. I soon found my desired habitat in the form of furry bulky men they called bears. I became overloaded with content and imagery, and ducked away…there was something I had to do. This time, I did not ask for forgiveness, I did not question my motives…I knew I was gay. Those six weeks at Governors’ School were a cleansing period. I rarely called my mother, but I told my girlfriend I had attraction to men. She laughed and said it was ok, that she was bisexual herself. I told her I loved her and went and told my new friends that I was gay. Apparently, others had this same epiphany, and the group of eccentrics, now became a group of fledgling gays, nurtured by the few LGBT counselors at the camp.
Those six weeks were a rush for me. I had my first crush (a straight guy) and told a man I loved him for the first time (the straight guy). I did meet this furry little ginger gay, and with him I had my first intentionally homosexual experience. Coming out, against a historic Salem backdrop, it felt ethereal how happy I was. Mother had noticed a change, and as she rattled over the phone about how my thinking was getting too liberal, I knew I couldn’t tell her I was gay. I opened the closet, went inside, and locked the door. It felt like a lie. I was told growing up, that living in deceit is poison to the soul; sin and lies will eat you alive. As a young adolescent boy, I though my impure thoughts and the homosexual feelings were the sins and the lies. Trying to squelch my homosexuality never took away the gnawing feeling… . I had no idea I was trying to rip my soul out, the very soul God gave me. The last few years before adulthood were spent biding time. At 17, I moved out from my mother’s and saw the world with my own eyes again. My father, a retired Air Force Master Sergeant, the man I had rejected in my youth, said horrible things to and spied on for my mother, took me in as a man. He told me I was free to grow on my own, that my mother had done enough to me to last a lifetime. He showed me trust, he showed me respect, and he showed me love. I came out to him when I was 19. He knew, and he didn’t care. He loved me as his son. I am a daddy’s boy because my daddy saved my life.
u u u I had escaped the fires of my youth. Each turbulent storm, each tear was exquisitely placed in God’s plan to bring me to this point. For the past four years I have been on “Religious Sabbatical.” My relationship with God was strained, and I fell from any sort of path I knew to be on. I was hurt by His people. I was hurt by my mother. I was hurt by myself. I could no longer claim to be a Southern Baptist…but it was all I knew. Growing up Christian, there is no other doctrine like your own. Baptists are especially exclusionary, we believed that our interpretation is the right one. I believed our interpretation was the right one. However, I no longer believed homosexuality was a sin. And as for masturbation… the Bible is silent. Christianity is based on interpretation, custom, and family values passed down from congregation to congregation. You can’t change the religion (nor can you change God), but you can change the congregation. Just think, shaving is a sin (Leviticus 21:5), but growing up all my pastors were beardless. Beard or no beard, I am a homosexual…and God loves me, even though I masturbate. A lot. : : — Nathan Stang is originally from Goldsboro, N.C., currently lives in Buffalo, N.Y., and is still on the hunt for decent Yankee BBQ. He blogs at buffawhat.com and is a contributor at Bilerico.com, where this piece originally appeared on Aug. 1, 2010. Reprinted with permission.
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CULTURE
Average Joe: a phoenix rising
Bears in gay culture yearn for wider cultural change by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com
It was the spring of 2008. I’d just moved to Charlotte a few months prior, to take my role as editor at this publication. Through the fall of 2007 and the following winter, new friends introduced me to the area’s nightlife scene: Scorpio and, at the time, Liaisons and Velocity. But, I didn’t dare venture to the Charlotte Eagle, and definitely not alone. On this night, all that changed: My friends dragged me nearly kicking and screaming into the club. “My god,” I exclaimed to my friends. “I’ll get eaten alive.” My remark then, so obviously ignorant and overwhelmingly shallow, exposed my lack of knowledge of and exposure to many portions of my own community, in particular the bear, leather and Levi communities. Surprisingly, by the end of the night I’d adjusted, become more at ease and left feeling more comfortable there than I had in any other gay nightspot in town. I’d spend a great many nights at the Eagle. Simple trips out for fun. Southern Country Charlotte’s monthly barn dances and the annual Queen City Stomp. Eventually, it became one of my favorite watering holes. The Eagle is now closed, and my forays into the leather, Levi and bear communities are limited mostly to close friends who happen to identify as such or in interactions with their friends at cook outs, during my
their covers or businesses choose to put in their ads, and talk about what it means to be a bear or a leatherman is few and far between. Tor Froland and Marc McFarland are the “unofficial, official” organizers of the Charlotte Bear Dinner group, a non-member social group that gets together at least once a month for dinner and sometimes more often for special hiking trips, outings to Carowinds or other around-town amusements. McFarland says the group was formed out of frustration with the internal politics that can naturally develop inside any organized community group. There are plenty of bear organizations — the largest is the Carolina Bear Lodge, with chapters (or “dens”) across both North and South Carolina. Dinner group member Jake Absher says he rarely gets involved in any community group, save the small part he played in volunteering for Hickory’s Catawba Valley Pride in October. Froland and McFarland explain that identifying as a bear is more than a mere classification of one’s sexual identity, desires or attractions. Like race, gender or sexual orientation, identfying as a bear can also be symbolic of one’s personality, social relationships and even world view. Froland and McFarland identify chiefly as “regular guys,” or “the Average Joe.” But the stereotypes about bears — stereotypes, and dare I say prejudices, I once held — make it hard for people who identify as such to exist in the wider, socalled mainstream gay culture. “Typically I think people associate the typical gay man as being fit, trim and boyish, which leaves a lot of people out,” McFarland says. “You don’t get looked as as much if you’re a little overweight or have too much body hair.” The two say these preconceived notions plague bears, including ideas that bears are lazy or unhealthy. Froland says some even V Man and Details are just two mags moving away consider bears uneducated. from old modeling trends depicting young, slim “That exists because of our body boys to older, more mature and weathered men. type,” Froland says, cautioning that very rare visits to The Woodshed, in coffee it isn’t always true. “I think we have more houses, community gatherings or elsewhere. educated people at our dinners than a lot of So, it was refreshing to have the opportunity other groups.” to meet with three bears at Caribou Coffee on I asked Jeff Reeves, a former president Charlotte’s East Blvd. recently. Although no of the Carolina Bear Lodge and owner of longer new to these particular communities, I Hickory’s Club Cabaret, if he thought the readily admit I still don’t know nearly enough existence of a separate bear community conabout them as I should. It’s one of the reasons stituted a counter- rather than a sub-culture I decided to undertake this feature and jotted or simple awareness of differences with the it into our editorial calendar over a year ago. larger LGBT community. Secondly, I have a sense a great many gay “I think maybe a little of both,” he says. folk also don’t know much about leather, Levi “It’s about being yourself. The fact that I’m a or bear communities. They certainly aren’t the hairy man, and I’m not a twink by any means. trim, trendy guys most gay publications put on I’m able to express myself with like-minded in-
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dividuals, be able to be seen in public with the hair on my face or the way I carry myself.” Making commentary on mainstream gay culture, Reeves adds, “I think they could learn a huge lesson from the humility of leather and bear folks.” Froland and McFarland don’t believe in that same “counter-culture” concept. Neither have ever experienced all that much rejection from larger gay society. “You’re only excluded if you put yourself into a situation where can feel excluded,” McFarland says. “If you know where you like to hang out, who you like to hang out with, you’re never going to feel like you’re being excluded.” But when it comes to the larger American culture — specifically media culture — McFarland, Froland and Reeves all agree: something needs to change. As a journalist, I’m conBears are sometimes the epitome of ‘blue collar’ and stantly surrounded by media ‘Average Joe.’ That traditional, rough-and-tumble look might images. At times, it’s too much just be seeing a comeback. to bear — no pun intended. Photo Credit: Coyote2024, via Flickr. Licensed under Creative Commons. There are too many “beautiful” cover models. Too many skinny skinny-boy modeling phenomenon for what boys and girls. Sometimes it authors Harrison Pope, Katharine Phillips and begs the question, “Do real people look like Roberto Olivardia call a “secret crisis of male that?” If your photographer has Photoshop, body obsession” — the Adonis Complex. yes they do. That’s not news to McFarland. In fact, it’s Froland welcomes the new trends in quite obvious. female modeling popping up in magazines and “A lot of people aren’t comfortable with TV. “Something that’s taken off most recently themselves in America,” McFarland believes. is plus-sized models,” he says. “You’re no “They hang on to these ideas — these relonger looking at anorexic girls. Now you’re ally skinny or built or clean shaven images getting plus-sized women models.” — because maybe they don’t like how they And while the same trend hasn’t yet look. If people were more comfortable with caught the same steam in male modeling, that themselves maybe they could let that go.” too is changing bit-by-bit. But in his most recent article, Trebay The New York Times recently profiled such reports fascinating changes. changes in male modeling. Their October ar“The twink thing seems over,” GQ editor ticle, “From Boys to Men,” gathered together Jim Nelson told the Times fashion writer. the ideas and opinions of the male fashion “When people open GQ, I don’t want them to world’s top designers and trend-setters. feel like they’re looking at clothes on 16-year“It has been almost a decade since Hedi olds.” Slimane, then the designer for Dior men’s Male-targeted advertisers, movie producwear, jump-started an aesthetic shift away ers and magazines are falling in line. V Man, from stiffly traditional male images that long which long played to the prevailing trends dominated men’s fashion,” Times writer Guy of youth and slenderness, has even broken Trebay reported in the paper’s Oct. 17 Sunday out of the mold. Their latest issue — entitled edition. “Since then, season after season, de“Coming of Age” — kicks the skinny skatesigners, editors and photographers alike fell boarder to the curb. In his place steps the into unconscious lockstep with Mr. Slimane’s slightly-weathered, mustache-and-goateetastes in men. ... On catwalks and in advertisclad, 44-year-old Josh Brolin. ing campaigns the prevalent male image has For Reeves, it’s a welcome change away long been that of skinny skate-rat, a juvenile from the day of the “pretty, twinky runway with pipe-cleaner proportions. Designers as model.” unalike as Raf Simons and Miuccia Prada “All these years, we’ve been pushed aside developed so pronounced an appetite for the and to the back corner,” he says. “In 1984, I jailbait type that at some model castings in was a skinny man but I grew up and my body Milan and Paris the new faces often showed developed. My dad and my uncles, they are up chaperoned by Mom.” bears. They go hunting. They have beards and The article isn’t Trebay’s first profile on goatees. It’s good to see we’re being more male modeling trends. In 2009, he delved appreciated now than we used to be.” : : into the same issue, practically blaming the
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by terri schlichenmeyer :: qnotes contributor
Unity founder’s book more like a hug You have your father’s eyes. Some say you looked more like Mom when you were little, but you favor Dad now. Same hair, same laugh, same sense of humor. And, the thing is, there isn’t a lot you can do about it. You are who you are. In the new book “I Was Born This Way,” Unity Fellowship Church founder Archbishop Carl Bean (with David Ritz) tells about his childhood, careers and God’s love and acceptance. Young Carl Bean never really knew his father and he barely knew his birth mother.
ents, who loved him, but didn’t seem to like him. Shortly after that, Bean was sexually assaulted by an “uncle.” Though various abuses continued well into his teens, and though Bean had fully acknowledged his gayness, he maintains that he was cherished and accepted — especially by the unaware wives of his abusers. Fortunately, he found solace in God and in song. Bean sang in good times and bad, for audiences of none or many. Because he knew that God is love, most of his favorites were gospel songs that Bean sang in the church choir. He was encouraged and tutored, and when he was old enough, he moved to New York City to pursue a gospel music career, quickly making a name for himself on the gospel circuit. He followed that with a disco career and a top-selling record. But, at different points in his life, Carl Bean was homeless, which showed him what God truly wanted him to do. After his musical career ended, he started a church and opened his arms to the LGBT community. He began an AIDS outreach program through his ministry. He “became unconditional love.” Though it sometimes drags a little -— particularly in the mid-section — “I Was Born This Way” is a wonderful biography that’s curiously soothing to read. Author Carl Bean is brutally honest in telling his story, which is both sweetly idyllic and frighteningly horrifying. Still, despite the nastiness he endured, he manages to convey
info: “I Was Born This Way” by Archbishop Carl Bean (with David Ritz) c.2010, Simon & Schuster $24.00 / $32.00 Canada 264 pages
BOOKS
out in print
a sense of calm and comfort and a peaceful demeanor. That makes this, oddly, more like a hug than a book. Readers looking for Heavenly succor will find it in Bean’s reassuring teachings, while others will be merely treated to a unique memoir. If you’re up for something good, “I Was Born This Way” is worth laying eyes on. : : — Terri Schlichenmeyer is “The Bookworm.” Terri has been reading since she was three years old and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 11,000 books.
Born and raised in a poor area of Baltimore, Bean was basically raised by a village of “warm and wonderful women.” He says that he was a girly little boy, soft and feminine, and he was attracted to other boys at an early age. He believes that those who raised him must have known about those feelings, but nothing was ever said. Bean was loved, and that’s what he knew. The shining point of his life was his godmother’s mother, the woman Bean called Nana. She cared for him, took him to church and made him happy, but when he was just three years old, Nana died and life changed drastically. He was taken in by his godpar-
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
on being a gay parent by brett webb-mitchell :: qnotes contributor
On being a second-class parent I was walking into my local YMCA when I noticed them: a table of Boy Scouts selling Trail’s End popcorn for a fundraising drive. While my local YMCA (Chapel Hill-Carrboro branch) welcomes LGBTQ individuals and families as full members — without any special proof of our family relationship — the same could not be said of the Boy Scouts of America. I was flummoxed in seeing the Boy Scouts in front of our YMCA branch. The Boy Scouts of America have been given the right to discriminate against gay young men and gay scout leaders, according to the U.S. Supreme Court as a private non-profit, 501c3 organization. The legacy of discrimination by the Scouts continues throughout the U.S. today. For example, Jon Langert, a gay dad in Dallas, Texas, who has held the fundraising drive for his nine-
year-old son’s Cub Scout troop for the last two years, was told that he could neither wear the shirt designating him a scout leader nor serve in a leadership role in the Cub Scouts. “What message does that send to my son? It says I’m a second-class citizen,” said Langert (Dallas Morning News, Oct. 16). In reading this story, I remember how my Dad served proudly as the scout leader for my Webelos pack, spending countless hours teaching me how to tie knots and work on my latest soap box creation. Of course, he didn’t know he had a gay son in the pack, but then again, I didn’t know that either at the time. I did not go on to Boy Scouts, choosing instead to become a Civil Air Patrol (CAP) cadet when my father became a leader of the troop as a U.S. Air Force reservist. I followed my Dad’s footsteps. Those of us in CAP were junior Air Force cadets, working primarily in the area of search and rescue while given multiple opportunities to fly in small planes. Both Scouts and CAP gave my Dad and I time to get to know each other better, drawing us closer together as father and son.
The fight for what is right, what is just, for equality for all in all arenas of life for LGBTQ parents and children, is at a fevered pitch. Second-class citizenship in Scouts, in the military services or in faith communities, is no longer acceptable or status quo. We are not going to be relegated as second-class parents. There is a shift in the cultural attitude toward a more welcoming, accepting and inclusion of LGBTQ people among our straight allies, friends and family members. This has come at a cost, but also brought out our creative answers to the obstacles thrown at us. For example, while the Boy Scouts of America do not welcome gay scouts or scout leaders, the imaginative response was the creation and organization of Scouting for All, which is inclusive of gay scouts and scout leaders. Group by discriminatory group, we are working toward making this world a network of organizations that are welcoming of all who wish to participate. In hindsight, I should’ve engaged in a conversation with the scouting parents and scouts about the purpose of the scouting program as they sold their popcorn, sharing with them why I was not going to purchase their popcorn. Such discourse is the necessary work of justice as we LGBTQ parents care for, love and do everything in our power to provide our children with the most incredible life possible. : :
qomunity qonexions u
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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drag rag by miss della :: qnotes contributor
Plum proud of all y’all out there! Greetings and salutations, folks! You know the drill — we’re talking about wins and successes in pageantry here. Hope everyone is enjoying the gorgeous fall weather! It’s time to shave and put on a wig and some heels. Good evening! I’d like to pick up where I left off the last time and mention a few things I did not about what a great pageant Miss Continental was. Alyson Thomas, the promoter of the Carolinas Continental contests, ended up winning Best Prelim of the Year. I feel like a dummy for leaving that out, seeing as how I have judged it every year minus one. I kinda feel like I won a little bit of that plaque. Ha! Congrats, Miss Alyson! I also forgot to mention how gorgeous that damned Dana Douglas was, too. Just as fierce, if not more so, than when she won. Just breathtaking, still. The winner that evening, Mokha Montrese, and I have had some lovely phone chats. I do adore her. It’s gonna be a good year! She gives up the title of Miss National (which she took on months ago) in Dothan, AL later this year. The picture this time is of Brooke Divine LaReese, our local girl whom I mentioned in the last Rag. She won Miss World National down in Atlanta and has since gone to take a walk at the Black Continental pageant (Coco LaBelle Thomas won the Miss, Alphonse DuPree won the Mr. and Ean Starr won the Mr. Plus) and Miss Gay America. More on that momentarily. Also, in the last Rag, when I mentioned the Unlimited wins up in Hickory, I forgot to bring up how much I enjoy Arabia Knight-Addams’ texts every day, which she calls the public service announcements. Tell her to put you on ‘the list’ and you can get these daily tidbits of wisdom, often faith-inspired, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. I’ve saved some from as far back as early summer. They make a lot of sense and are very encouraging. Many of you know Miss Gay U.S.ofA. at Large was recently
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held in Tampa, FL and we have a new queen! All hail, Lady paid for. Hats off and kudos go to Jacqueline St. James, Dana Tahjee Iman! What a sweet queen — another good year St. James, Jeff Reeves, Emory Starr, Jessica Raynes Starr, Lola ahead, I think, for another system. Tahjee’s runners-up includLovelace, Envee Michaels, Vanity Michaels, Monica Jeffries ed: Angelica Sanchez, Mercedes, Victoria “Porkchop” Parker (who is sweet as peaches and did a live duet with Miss Vivian), and Jocelyn Summers, followed by Sasha Lauren, Natasha Jennifer Boleyn, who travelled all the way from Wilmington, Cass, Chanel LaMasters, Kewesi Alexandria St. James, Latrice and our hostess and emcee Jami Michaels. And, let’s not forget Royale, Delorian Chase and Terri Tommy D.! I’m really sorry I did not get back to D’More. Hats off to Vegas’ April Reign Hickory to see the return of Nancy Newton for who relinquished her title that night; I the first-ever Catawba Valley Pride. I hear the was proud to be a part of the panel that ole gal made bank and liked it so much she’s crowned her in Indy last year. considering popping back out for a Christmas I’ve just gotten in from the first show, maybe? Hmmmmmmmm. booking of Coti Collins as the newest Locally, we have results from contests like Miss Gay America; she was at Scorpio the Miss and Mr. Warehouse 29 in Greensboro, three nights after the magic took place which LaWanda Jackson won with RU in Columbus, OH. Coti is the 7th Miss Cheetah V. Shaw, and for the guys, Taylor America to come from NC. She tells me Knight-Addams won and his RU was Gemini she couldn’t have done it without her Walker. For the Pride Charlotte pageants, we team and, especially, our Kirby Kolby have Cierra Nichole as our new Miss, with RU who painted the ole gal and whipped Aiesha Paris; for the kings, we have Jayden her hair into perfection each night. Coti, I Jameson with RU Country Casanova and for never thought I’d see the day, especially the Mr., Taylor Knight-Addams (again!) with RU after I saw you cheated that night sitting Trey Love King. To round things off, we have a in that audience in Memphis, TN all new Miss Hide-A-Way by the name of Jessica those years ago. That was the last time Raynes Starr; her RU was Cassandra Hilton. I went, too. Anyway, Coti’s runners-up In closing, I’ll tell you about a great time I Miss World National, Brooke Divine had at Crave Dessert Bar in downtown when were Jessica Jade, Chantel Reshae, LaReese of Charlotte, NC Sally Sparkles and Tajma Stetson, Buff Faye did her show there recently. I went followed by Sasha Leigh Chambers, Onyx Revlon, Zhane’ with friends Alex, Todd and Christopher and we were treated to Kennedy, Sue Nami and Tatiyana Voche’. the likes of Buff, Kiana Lane, Angela Lopez, Sierra Santana and Just wanted to thank all the ladies and the two guys who Amber Rachelle St. James. Add some chocolate and a smoking took part in the benefit up in Hickory at Club Cabaret for my hooka to that and it was an excellent time. And, Ms. Faye is Gerardo’s House fund. With tips contributed by three entertainsuch a good emcee. Loved the Monster number so close to the ers, we raised $488., four-fifths of that going to my sponsored Gaga concert, girl! How creative! : : kid’s education fund for next January since his home is already info: Drop me a line, OK? TheTeaMissD@yahoo.com
Yes, the Duke Energy Building went gay for National Coming Out Day Twitter and Facebook were abuzz the night and day after the Duke Energy Building in Uptown Charlotte turned all its lights to rainbow on Oct. 11. Was it intentional? Was it for National Coming Out Day? Lots of people had speculation, and some confirmed it on social networks. But Zuni Johnson, a Wells Fargo employee, confirmed the intentional lighting with qnotes. The rainbow theme on Duke Energy’s lights were intentional, Charlotte photographer Rick Baxley caught a glimpse of the Duke Energy Building’s National Coming Out Day lighting theme.
Johnson says, and were the result of requests from Wells Fargo’s employee LGBT group and conversations with local LGBT leaders and Pride Charlotte organizers. Wachovia/Wells Fargo was a sponsor of this year’s Pride festivities (as they have been in the past), and hosted a “RENT” sing-along at the Knight Theater with Pride Charlotte on Oct. 11. So, there you have it. Confirmed. In a nicely wrapped, sky-scraping box, a gift to Charlotte’s gays from Wells Fargo. We knew good things would happen once the Queen City got a taste of San Fran. — M.C.
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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Years of struggle, coming out mark Kelly McGillis’ life Globe-nominated ‘Top Gun’ actress talks marriage, divorces, civil unions by Jen Colletta :: Philadelphia Gay News
Though one person’s coming out story certainly doesn’t convey the history of the LGBT rights movement, it is through telling these accounts that the community makes its own history. This is Kelly McGillis’ story. Despite two failed marriages, a yearslong battle with substance abuse and a retreat from the career that once earned her a Golden Globe nomination, Kelly McGillis doesn’t shy away from her past. “I don’t think I’m any more dysfunctional or crazy than anybody else is. I’m just more willing to talk about it,” said the 53-year-old out actor. McGillis, star of such films as “Top Gun,” “Witness” and “The Accused,” said she’s still getting used to the relatively quiet life she and partner Melanie Leis share in Collingswood, N.J. — a vast departure from the years of struggles she endured. A native of Thousand Oaks, Calif., McGillis was a self-described tomboy as a kid. The oldest of three girls, she was close with her father, a physician, frequently going sailing with him and accompanying him on his house calls. When she hit her teenage years, however, McGillis said her relationship with her parents began to unravel. “I was an incredibly rebellious teenager,” she said. “I thought I should be 18 and have all the privileges of 18 when I was 13. I was just out of control.” McGillis’ behavior became too much for her parents and, when she was 17, they kicked her out of the house — which, in retrospect, was “the best thing they could have ever done for me.” McGillis enrolled in the Pacific Conservatory of Performing Arts in Santa Maria and later transferred to Juilliard. Before heading east, McGillis married, although not for the usual reasons. “I really wanted my parents to love me,” she said. “They chucked me out of the house at 17 and said, ‘We don’t want to see you anymore,’ so I thought that to win their approval back, [getting married] was the right thing to do.” Once she was accepted to Juilliard, however, she knew the marriage couldn’t survive the school’s demanding schedule. The split was amicable, and McGillis said her time in New York opened her eyes to her own sexuality, which she had struggled with for years. “I was very attracted to girls in high school, and that horrified me because I just knew that wasn’t right. That’s what I told myself,” she said. “Mind you, my family never ever talked about sex — not sex, not even menstruation — they were all taboo subjects that you just didn’t talk about. So it was a very, very scary and confusing time for me.” McGillis began dating a woman and the two moved into an apartment together; however, their relationship crumbled after they were sexually assaulted together by a home intruder. “I never got over that,” she said. “When you’re the victim of a violent crime like that,
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I think it’s normal to think, What did I do to deserve this? And the story that I came up with that I could cope with was that I was being punished because I liked girls, because I’m gay.” McGillis went on to date several men before she decided she wanted the stability and safety of a husband and children, and married her second husband, Fred Tillman. “I met Fred, and I thought, Fred will protect me. Nobody will ever hurt me again. And that only worked for so long because the fact is that I wasn’t being true to who I was and what I am. You can only live a lie for so long without absolutely destroying yourself. And that’s what I did.” McGillis had two daughters with Tillman, but continued to spiral downward into drug and alcohol dependence, what she called a “coping mechanism for all the shit I created in my life.” Her addictions became so consuming that she eventually stepped out of the film industry and went into rehab. Tillman was awarded custody of their children, which she now says was deserved, and after she emerged from rehab, McGillis began the long process of piecing her life back together. Starting over “When I got out, I had nowhere to go, and I found myself at a halfway house in Mohnton, Pa., and I thought, OK, I’m just going to stay here and learn how to not drink and not do drugs. I’ve never scored drugs here, and I don’t know anybody who does drugs here. So this is where I’m going to stay and learn how to get sober.” After nine months in the small town near Reading, McGillis was reunited with her children and worked to rebuild the relationships that had deteriorated, a process that put her film career on hold. “That’s one of the main reasons I didn’t work,” she said. “I had an agent who kept calling, and we finally got in an argument, and I had to tell him, ‘You don’t seem to understand. I have to do this for my children and for myself. I have to be the best parent I know how to be.’ And that’s what I did.” McGillis and her daughters lived in Pennsylvania from 2001-08, and although the girls accepted her relationship with Leis, a former employee of a restaurant she and Tillman owned, she said she initially didn’t address the issue with them. “I did what my parents did and just didn’t talk about it, didn’t talk about the elephant in the room. I had so much shame,” she said. “For the longest time, when Mel and I would be out, I said, ‘You can’t possibly touch me in public. You just can’t do that.’ It embarrassed me.” Coming out McGillis said her sobriety, however, eventually empowered her to accept her own sexuality and share her life with her children. While she didn’t fully embrace her own identity until she was in her 40s, she said
add to that the family dynamic, the societal dynamic and your personal dynamic of who you are, it’s a friggin’ messy situation. I don’t know anybody who it’s been easy for, gay or straight.
Let’s face it: We human beings are a mess. We all try to look so neat and clean, but the truth is, we’re all just messy. And that’s OK.” For years, McGillis kept her personal life out of the spotlight to shield her children, but last year, once the kids moved out, she decided to be truthful with a reporter who asked her about her orientation during an interview. While she was taken aback by the amount of attention her public “coming out” received, she never read any of the reactions. “Everybody’s got an opinion about something, and I don’t live my life based on popular opinion. I did that for a long time, and it didn’t serve me well. It made me incredibly insecure and neurotic, and I lost all sense of who I am,” she said. McGillis and Leis were the subject of a New York Times story last month — and countless other news and blog articles — when the couple entered into a civil union. She said she and Leis, who’ve been together about 10 years, had considered tying the knot in the past, but weren’t ready until recently. “I was always gun-shy. I thought, Oh my God, I’ve had two unsuccessful marriages,
what am I doing? I don’t want to be like, I don’t know who, Zsa Zsa Gabor, someone who’s gotten married 100 times. And we had problems because we had drank together, we did drugs together and then we got clean together and it was crazy. We needed to grow up and learn how to have an adult relationship. I missed the boat on healthy relationships, so I’m still working on it. But the truth is we’re at a good place now. I love Mel, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.” Looking forward McGillis plans to remain in New Jersey, where she’s lived for about two years, and said she’s exploring options like re-entering the seminary (a venture she undertook briefly but had to quit unexpectedly), or working with women with addictions, although she wouldn’t rule out a return to acting. “I don’t know if anybody will really hire me, because the bottom line is I’m no longer willing to sacrifice who I am for what I do. I did that for a long, long time. I had a boob job because I thought that’s what I should do. But since I got sober, I thought, This is such a friggin’ lie. Every time someone said, ‘You have nice boobs,’ I’d be like, Oh my God, this is a lie, they’re not mine. So I had them taken out. But I did that stuff, and I’m not willing to anymore. If nobody hires me, that’s OK. I have a lot of other things in my life that I’m interested in doing, and I just don’t know what I’m going to do when I grow up. I pray about it every day. It’s scary, I must say, but I have great faith that it’ll all be OK and something will work out.” : : — Jen Colleta is a staff writer for Philadelphia Gay News. This piece was published as part of their LGBT History Month series. Learn more at epgn.com.
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she doesn’t think self-acceptance should be subject to a timeline. “I don’t think I’m unusual because this is what I believe with my heart and soul: Sexuality is a complicated, complicated issue. And you
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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tell trinity
Hello Marriage Minded, Yes, I remember reading a study that said couples by trinity :: qnotes contributor live longer. Maybe it’s related to housework? But, The girlfriend, the daughter, sweetie, not all relationships are healthy like yours and single life does have many adventures that the relationship & the father may not be healthy but fun! (Take a tour with your Dear Trinity, reading of my cartoon.) I came out last year in my first lesbian relationship. Next month my girlfriend Hey Trinity, and I plan to move to another state I’m 22 and living with my boyfriend for eight months. He’s a because of her job. However, I have a hard-working homeowner. However, he’s 26 and when I want three-year-old daughter whose father to get my freak on with him he’s not interested. I love him, but I is active in her life. Now, if I move, he have needs! wants custody. Help? Sexually Frustrated, Charlotte, NC Daddy’s Little Girl, Virginia Beach, VA Hey SF, Dear DLG, Being tired and sexually excited For gay custody/legal rarely go hand in fist. So, start by disputes contact Lambda acting and dressing sexier without Legal (lambdalegal.org). I being too aggressive and add some worked for them in college. Now, since wine with dinner. Once he’s loosthis is about taking your daughter away, I must ened up, let’s see what happens. ask, ”Is the father the real troublemaker or is And, lastly, take vacations. Couples it your girlfriend who wants to move?” Being do it to help their sex life. It’s the raised by two families is hard, but in two states, rule. Baby, you may have to work please! Who gets your daughter and who as hard as him to put him into “the gets a long-distance relationship is the issue. mood.” Honey, someone has to bend cupid’s arrow a little! Get your girlfriend a local job and tell her Dearest Trinity, if she loves you she has to stay before you end I just started dating someone really up childless! great. This time I promised myself I was going to be the best boyfriend ever. Any ideas for Hello Trinity, keeping my promise? So, many people today want to be single. But, I’ve been Mr. Best Ever, Paris, France with my lover for nine years and it’s as good as day one. Don’t you think a lasting, loving relationship is healthier than Dearest Mr. New Declaration, being single? To keep promises or declarations one has to make a business Marriage Minded, Albuquerque, NM plan and stick to it. Even when you fail, pumpkin, which you
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may, you must get right back up and stick to it again. And, to keep you on track here are: Trinity’s Tough Declarations For Being An Excellent Boyfriend Or Girlfriend 1. C ommitment: I promise to not date, sleep with or search the internet for anyone other than my b-friend. 2. C ompromise: I promise to not “throw in the towel” whenever we have a problem. 3. R esiliency: I promise to make time, dinner and endless attempts toward making my relationship healthy and lasting. 4. A dventure: I promise to continually try new things that will make me a better girlfriend: intellectually, emotionally and sexually. 5. I ntrigue: I promise to keep a little mystery about myself, as well as push myself toward being interesting, exciting and fun. 6. R omance: I promise to be affectionate, charitable and romantic, as well as help with the chores. 7. C ontrol: I promise never to be smothering, insecure or controlling. 8. C ommunication: I promise to always listen and communicate my feelings, yet keep some problems to myself so not to burden the relationship. 9. C hange: I promise to change bad habits, work on deepseated issues and not make my mate my therapist. 10. Lastly, responsibility: I promise to take responsibility for my actions, not blame anyone for being themselves and compromise…till it kills me! : : — With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally. info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307 Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild 800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org
MA And you think we’re risqué? We can just hear it now: A chorus of folks emailing or calling about how inappropriate this issue’s cover artwork is. You know, if we’d
chosen to picture a half-naked guy more befitting America’s entrenched notions and ideals of beauty, we’d be hearing crickets. But, we’re more than willing to be proven wrong. Until then, feast your eyes upon the cover for NYC’s Next nightlife mag. More skin than us, for sure. They’re even showing buttocks! And, the guys are covered in honey. Yes. Honey. Don’t ask me why. But it sure is hot. The guys are actors in “Bear City,” a hit indie film about, what else, bears. It’s funny how the world works. We decide to cover bears and NYC’s Next does too. Is someone copying someone else, or does destiny like coincidence? See the “Bear City” trailer at bearcitythemovie.com.
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY then told a vet that dog had drunk moonshine and had a seizure. The doc wasn’t buying that story and called the fuzz. Both Queerty.com and Towleroad.com have clips from a Creed interview. Visit goqnotes.com/to/matureaudiences/ for the links. Enema of the state Serbian “doctor” Mirojlub Petrovic says he’s found a new recipe to cure the gay. Radio Free Europe’s Jamie Kirchick interviewed the good “doc” about his new cure-all regimen. Kirchick writes of Petrovic’s program: “Quite simply: Patients must cut out junk food from their diet, ‘drink a lot of water,’ ‘reject anything that is diarrhetic, alcohol, caffeine,’ engage in ‘physical activity,’ ‘rest [at] appropriate times.’ Plus, one ‘must think about good things.’ Oh, and receive regular enemas.” And, here’s the kicker: If you don’t change your nasty queer ways, Petrovic is all for going the capital punishment route: “Though he acknowledges that ‘you cannot execute homosexuals’ at this point, he supports a system that would ultimately give gays a choice: change your behavior or face the death penalty.” Queerty.com responds: “What’s amusing is that I know dozens of gay men and women who already follow that exact diet. Because gays are fitness and diet freaks! They are obsessed with drinking a lot of water, working out, avoiding toxins like booze and coffee, and yes some of them get enemas. Regularly!” : :
Porn brutality Via our good friends at Queerty.com and Towleroad.com, we learn of one porn star who’s been behaving badly. (On a side note, have you ever wondered why every actor in the porn biz automatically assumes the title of “star”?). Shane Thompson, performing as Jason Creed Bait Bus, Circle Jerk Boys and others, has been charged with animal cruelty. It’s alleged he strangled a three-legged dog and
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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out in the stars by charlene lichtenstein :: qnotes contributor
October 30 - November 12 Are we ready to vote for change or are we content with the status quo? Anything is possible this partisan November when almost all planets swirl closely within half the sky. Remember, it is better to be recumbent than incumbent. Chill out. SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) There is money to be made and proud Scorps are just the ones to make it. Focus on the bottom line and massage your assets until they expand. Do careful research, find your fiscal niche and take calculated risks as you build your empire. But remember — bears and bulls make money while pigs lose their shirts. Don’t swing for the fences. Be content with singles — many of them. SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) This is one of the most fertile times of year for you, gay Archer. So, do not be lazy and do not procrastinate. Launch new projects, get your name on the marquee and market your brand in the right circles. The challenge will be how to concentrate on just one thing because you have so many projects running at once. How to choose? I don’t know. CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) Look behind the scenes. Pink Caps are often content to let things take their own pace, even when there are hidden barriers and golden opportunities lurking in the shadows. No more. Use the month to uncover the golden nuggets and exploit them for your own personal benefit. There is plenty of time to be charitable — especially when you amass enough to donate. AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) Get with the program Aqueerius and stop playing hard to get. Friends worm their way into your heart and you can’t help but feel friendly and part of the crowd. Join new organizations and expand your social set. You are usually the outsider and rabble rouser, but the upcoming holiday season can be warm, inclusive and even fun, if you allow it to be. Allow it to be. PISCES (02.20-03.20) Make your best corporate move now and get to where you want to be professionally. Guppies are easy going and don’t always feel comfortable rocking the boat for personal gain. But, now you are the commander of your ship and can steer it to any port of call you want. Will you eventually wash up on some distant shore? You can only hope! ARIES (03.21-04.20) Proud Aries have that get up and go go go now which can lead them into all types of mischief. Good. Find your special voice and take it to the international streets. Think big, bold and brash. There is nothing to stop you and no one to dissuade you. Soon you could be luxuriating in giblet gravy. But, hopefully, that will not
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make you the turkey, just the big bird. TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Are you just another side of beef or are you a slice of prime tenderloin? Zesty queer Bulls sizzle and smoke and can show others how it is done…with flair. Ramp up your animal magnetism. You can attract anyone you desire including a few undesirables. You can be forgiven if “your eyes are too big for your stomach.” That is what November is all about anyway. GEMINI (05.22-06.21) It’s all about connection. Pink Twins are focused on having the perfect relationship. Whether you are in one or not, use this time to see what you really want out of life and with whom you want to share it all. Then reassess. As the year winds down, there is something comforting about knowing that your direction is clear. Just don’t lose the map! CANCER (06.22-07.23) Is your job taking up more and more of your time? Don’t despair, gay Crab. Even a truckload of nitpicky tasks can be dispatched easily now. Pour on the energy and see how much you can accomplish before the holiday season starts. By the end of the month you will not have the same oomph for work, which is understandable. Your timing will be perfect. LEO (07.24-08.23) You have popularity plus that can be multiplied. Proud Lions become the ultimate party animals. Go out and have a roaring good time at every event you can, but don’t waste all that charisma on wasteful (but fun) dalliances. Put some of that artistic impulse to good use in some creatively profitable projects. Holiday shopping season has just begun. VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Plan more home-based activities and find ways to make your surroundings more comfortable and fun. One way to “find the calm” is to reach out to certain family members. Queer Virgins may feel that rifts cannot be bridged, but that is not correct. In fact, there may be windows of opportunity to not only repair frayed relationships, but make them strong. I said may be. LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Proud Libras seem to know just what to say and when to say it now. So, why not open your mind to some new experiences and see what great thoughts pop out of your head. Expand your knowledge base, reach out to interesting folks and charm your way to the top of the social chain. Before you know it, you find yourself among the elite. So what else is new? : : © 2010 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Entertainment. info: Visit www.TheStarryEye.com for e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.
Debate: America’s Greatest Moral Crisis?
Nov. 1 • Matthews Concord’s Dr. Michael Brown, director of the Coalition of Conscience, and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach will debate, “Is Homosexual Activism America’s Greatest Moral Crisis?” Brown has been an outspoken opponent of LGBT equality both locally and nationally. Boteach, a nationally-respected Orthodox Jewish teacher and thinker, takes a softer, although still orthodox, view on homosexuality. (Note: This event might include topics or discussions some might find offensive, uncomfortable or hostile.) Southern Evangelical Seminary, 3000 Tilley Morris Rd., Matthews, NC, 28105. 7 p.m. For directions, visit ses.edu.
ggfnc.org/events.html. $30 at the door. Oct. 31 • Charlotte Halloween Benefit Join this benefit for Susan G. Komen For the Cure and party the Halloween night away. Live entertainment, appetizers, open bar and dessert lounge. The Palisades of Lake Wylie, 1374 Grand Palisades Pkwy. 8 p.m.-2 a.m. social2benefit.org. Nov. 2 • Statewide Election Day Don’t forget to head out to your polling place and vote in this year’s midterm elections. Several races are on the ballot including state judicial offices, state House and Senate seats, U.S. House and Senate seats and various city and county offices across the state. To learn more and to check your voter registration and polling place, visit www.sboe.state.nc.us. Nov. 4 • Raleigh OutRaleigh: Priscilla Join the LGBT Center of Raleigh for a special screening of “Priscilla Queen of the Desert” with drag performances. Tickets cost only $10. Beer and wine available at concessions. For more information, visit lgbtcenterofraleigh.org or email outraleigh@lgbtcenterofraleigh.com. Nov. 5 • Charlotte Guild Social: It Gets Better The Charlotte Business Guild will hold a social in honor of the It Gets Better Project, including live poetry readings. Wooden Vine, 231 N. Tryon St. charlottebusinessguild.org.
CONTEST!
we want your who/what/where Southern Christmas Show, for FREE!
Register for your chance to win a free ticket package to this year’s Southern Christmas Show, Nov. 11-21 at the Park Expo and Conference Center. Five winners will be chosen to receive a package of four entry tickets. Just complete the form below and mail to: QNotes. PO Box 221841. Charlotte, NC 28205.
______________________________________________________ name: ______________________________________________________ address: ______________________________________________________ city: state: zip: ______________________________________________________ phone ______________________________________________________ email address ______________________________________________________
All entries must be received via U.S. Postal Service and postmarked no later than Nov. 11, 2010. Entries received after Nov. 12, 2010 will not be considered valid. One entry per household.
Nov. 6 • Asheville AIDS Walk The Western North Carolina AIDS Project (WNCAP), in partnership with 36 communitybased organizations, non-profits, churches and businesses, will host the Asheville AIDS Awareness Walk 2010. Walkers will gather at 11 a.m. in The Grove House at 11 Grove St. in downtown Asheville and proceed up Patton Ave. to the Vance Monument where Womansong of Asheville will perform. Scheduled speakers include County Commissioner David Gantt, AIDS Advocate Joy Oliver, and Rev. Brian Combs of the Haywood Street Congregation. wncap.org/aidswalk. Nov. 10 • Fort Mill Wednesday Night Out Wednesday Night Out is a happy hour for LGBT professionals in the Rock Hill and Charlotte areas. Come meet and mingle with others who are part of this great community and make some new friends. Open to adults (21+) who are members or supporters of the LGBT community. WNO is sponsored by Bud Light. Madison’s on the Corner, 900 Crossroads Plaza. wednesdaynightout@gmail.com Nov. 12 • Charlotte Glee BINGO RAIN and Shelita Hamm present their farewell Gay Bingo in the Queen City. Grady Cole Center, 310 N. Kings Dr. 6:30 p.m. gaybingocharlotte.org.
events qnotes goqnotes.com/qguide/events
arts. entertainment. news. views. Nov. 13 • Hickory Beauty Pageant Bingo The Not Your Mama’s Bingo folks call the numbers again while attendees help select the pageant winner. Hickory Jaycees Development Center, 470 Hwy. 70. Proceeds benefit ALFA. For tickets, call ALFA (Advancing Life. Fighting AIDS.) at 828-3321447 ext. 222, Taste Full Beans at 838-325-0108 or Now & Then Consignment at 828-323-1010. notyourmamasbingo.com. alfainfo.org. Nov. 13 • Greensboro ENC Conference and Gala Mark your calendars now for the fourth annual Equality North Carolina Conference and Gala, hosted again this year at the University of North Carolina-Greensboro. For more details as they become available or to register or sponsor, visit equalitync.org/conference. Nov. 19 • Greensboro The Sound of Bingo Guilford Green Foundation presents “The Sound of Bingo, the most loverly bingo of them all!” Empire Room, 203 S. Elm St. 6 p.m./ cocktails. 7:30 p.m./bingo begins. $15/general. $10/students, military. ggfnc.org. Nov. 20 • Durham Fall Concert Common Woman Chorus holds its fall concert, Turn Your Radios On with CWC Alumnae Octet and Athena’s Fire, a women’s quintet from Pittsburg. Eno River UU Fellowship Church, 4907 Garrett Rd. 8 p.m. Free. Donations accepted. commonwomanchorus.net.
Submitting an event for inclusion in our calendar has never been easier: visit goqnotes.com/qguide/events/submit
CONTEST!
Oct. 30-Nov. 7 • Winston-Salem ‘Foreigner’ Festival Stage presents “The Foreigner.” Charlie Baker is a visitor from England wo inadvertently overhears a conversation that leads to mystery and hilarity. Hanesbrands Theatre, 209 N. Spruce St. $18$34. Various times. festivalstage.org. (Photo Credit: Meredith Stephens) Oct. 30 • Charlotte Nodaween The NoDa Neighborhood Association presents the NoDa Halloween Festival including the Freaky 5k Twilight Race, Pimp My Pumpkin Fine Art Auction and “Rocky Horror Picture Show” Viewing Party. 5 p.m.- 2 a.m. Get more information and event details at nodaween.com. Oct. 30 • Charlotte Glitterati Ball This year’s Glitterati Ball takes on Zombieland. Come dressed in costume for your chance to win $1,000. Presented by J Studio, Just Twirl and My Townhome. Visulite Theatre, 1615 Elizabeth Ave. 9 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Tickets available at glitteratiball.com/tickets/zombieland. Oct. 30 • Greensboro GGF Halloween The Guilford Green Foundation hosts a spooky night of fun hosted by Big Shirli Stevenz. Costume prizes and more. Space is limited. Q Lounge, 708 W. Market St. $25 in advance at
Q
Renaissance Festival, for FREE!
Register for your chance to win a free ticket package to this year’s Renaissance Festival, every weekend until Nov. 21. Two winners will be chosen to receive a package of two tickets each. Just complete the form below and mail to: QNotes. PO Box 221841. Charlotte, NC 28205.
______________________________________________________ name: ______________________________________________________ address: ______________________________________________________ city: state: zip: ______________________________________________________ phone ______________________________________________________ email address ______________________________________________________
All entries must be received via U.S. Postal Service and postmarked no later than Nov. 11, 2010. Entries received after Nov. 12, 2010 will not be considered valid. One entry per household.
Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010
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Oct. 30-Nov. 12 . 2010