QNotes Nov. 27-Dec. 10, 2010 by QnotesCarolinas

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

inside Nov. 27-Dec. 10, 2010 Vol 25 No 15

news & features

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News Notes: Regional Briefs Charlotte activist honored Poll: Gays unwelcome in Charlotte Civic Briefs Community passings

life, positively

8 13 14 15 16

Magnetic attraction Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina Commentary: HIV our responsibility HIV/AIDS resources Concert builds bridges

a&e/life&style 19 20 23 24 25 27

Drag Rag ‘White Christmas’ escape On Being a Gay Parent Tell Trinity Out in the Stars Q events calendar

opinions & views

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Editor’s Note General Gayety TalkBack QPoll

contributors this issue

Matt Comer, Tyler DeVere, Kevin Grooms/Miss Della, Don King, Charlene Lichtenstein, Lainey Millen, Leslie Robinson, David Stout, Trinity, Brett Webb-Mitchell

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Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc. P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222, ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Editor: Matt Comer, x202 editor@goqnotes.com Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Assoc. Ed.: David Stout, x210 editor2@goqnotes.com Sales: x206 adsales@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen, x209 production@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, 212.242.6863 Printed on recycled paper. Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2010 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

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VIEWS

editor’s note by matt comer matt@goqnotes.com

Cheat sheet: Preparing for the mayor’s forum

On Dec. 9, the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte will hold a special, open forum with Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx (see “Civic Briefs” on page 18). The event, like the recent forum with Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Rodney Monroe, is historic and marks the first time a sitting Queen City mayor has held such a public, town hall-type event with the city’s LGBT community. That, in and of itself, deserves praise and marks progress. But, like Foxx’s letter to Pride Charlotte in October, such progress is merely symbolic. It falls far short of the real, concrete policy progress we need to see coming from the dais. Words alone cannot be the only measure of this city’s movement toward full legal and civil inclusion for LGBT people. Action always speaks louder than words and action is what this city is missing. When Mayor Foxx comes to his forum, I hope this community’s leaders and citizens will take it upon themselves to ask Foxx hard questions and reserve their pats on the back until after pressing issues are taken care of and promises delivered. Let this column be your cheat sheet and come prepared to meet with Mayor Foxx. There are several substantive policy issues still unaddressed by this city’s leadership, among them:

Employment non-discrimination

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In a November 2009 Q&A with qnotes following his election as mayor, Foxx said, “I’d like to see the City Council move on the nondiscrimination issue very early in the next term and I’d like to see us do that in a bipartisan way. I know there are members of City Council within both parties who have expressed support for including sexual orientation in the non-discrimination ordinance. Given that, I’d like to see action on that very early.” Such city council action — also promised repeatedly for years by many incumbent council members — has yet to happen. In March, City Manager Curt Walton amended city non-discrimination policies to include “sexual orientation.” His move, however positive, is impermanent. The policy, as it stands now, can be changed or amended by any city manager current or future. Additionally, the policy is incomplete, as it excludes protections on the basis of gender

identity or expression. In fact, such gender expression protections were specifically rejected by city staff, namely City Attorney Mac McCarley. In a memo, he advised Walton not to add “gender identity” to the policy. McCarley has also publicly defended the city’s “right” to discriminate on the basis of gender identity or expression. After a lawsuit was filed in February 2009 by city worker Anne Marie Clukey, McCarley told The Charlotte Observer, “Transgendered individuals do not have any rights under the federal employment discrimination laws.” As it stands, anti-LGBT employment discrimination by the city is not only legal, it has already alleged to have occurred. Such past, current or future injustices can only be correctly remedied by a public, on-the-record vote of the city council for a fully-inclusive ordinance — not merely a policy — prohibiting employment discrimination.

City contracts, housing & public accommodations

As with city government itself, all businesses contracting to provide services to or for the city should also be held to a higher standard. Currently, companies contracting to do business with the city have to sign a “Non-Discrimination Certification” that prohibits any discrimination toward any “sub consultant, vendor, supplier or commercial customer on the basis of race, ethnicity, gender, age, religion, national origin, disability or other unlawful form of discrimination.” These contracts and the city’s Commercial NonDiscrimination Ordinance should be amended — by a public, on-the-record vote of the council — to include “sexual orientation” and “gender identity or expression.” And, if such a change isn’t possible — as cities don’t have “home rule” in this state — the city council, by a public, on-the-record vote, should decide to add such a change to their legislative agenda. The same applies to amendments to non-discrimination policies and ordinances affecting housing and public accommodations. While such additions to the city’s legislative agenda don’t create real policy change, it is, at the least, a visible, onthe-record sign that this city’s elected leaders stand by all their citizens regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity or expression.

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Domestic partner benefits

In 2009, Mecklenburg County joined a growing list of local North Carolina governments extending health and other benefits to the same-sex partners of its employees. After the county’s decision — which was, by the way, made through a public, on-the-record vote of the county board of commissioners — the debate over domestic partner benefits shifted to the city. Mayor Foxx addressed this issue of domestic partner benefits in his November 2009 Q&A with qnotes. He stated, “I have expressed a willingness to move forward in the way I just described. I think there will be support on the council to do that.” Further explaining, Foxx said the council needed to investigate the costs of such a move and that “understanding the impact of it is the first step but not the last one.” Yet, that is all we’ve heard about the benefits issue. There has been no movement, at least in public knowledge, to investigate its costs and the mayor and council members have not addressed when or how they plan on moving forward with such changes.

Political courage

In May 2010, Mayor Foxx spoke at the Charlotte Lesbian and Gay Fund’s third annual luncheon. There, he proclaimed: “I look back at the history of this discussion of a policy change that says discriminating against people based on sexual orientation is wrong and I have to say that we had more courage to help propel our city manager to make that policy change because of changes that had happened earlier,” Foxx said. “A few years earlier, the county commission was embroiled in a heated debate about saying sexual orientation-based discrimination is wrong. They made the right decision and their decision created the courage for the city to do the same.” Yet, any evidence of real political courage is difficult to come by in this city. Despite Foxx’s words to the contrary, he and other city council members have shown zero political courage and instead have relied upon backroom, behind-the-scenes dealings by the city manager to make (only a little) progressive change. The mayor and city council need to do more than come to our meetings, hold public forums and speak niceties to our community.

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Thursday, December 16, 2010 Annual Holiday Event Don King Community Service Awards Bechtler Museum of Modern Art, 420 S. Tryon St. Sponsored by Frances Richter, www.francesrichter.com Dinner, Refreshments & Cash Bar, 5:30 - 8:30 p.m. TBD, Advanced Reservations Appreciated Accepting donations for Time Out Youth Call 704.565.5075 by 12 pm Friday, December 10, 2010 or email businessguild@yahoo.com to request tickets for this event

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They need to back up their words with concrete action. When they do so, they will have proven they have real political courage. Until then, they’ll continue to give credence to the culture of prejudicial, homophobic silence that pervades this city and its political atmosphere. Our own community’s leaders aren’t blameless in this culture. For nearly a decade, LGBT political insiders and activists, especially with the Mecklenburg Gay & Lesbian Political Action Committee (MeckPAC), have taken these elected officials’ words at face value and continued to endorse these candidates yearafter-year despite a lack of results. I’m aware of only one instance when MeckPAC refused to endorse a previously endorsed candidate. They should be more willing to hold these elected officials and candidates accountable and that includes releasing the full questionnaires filled out by candidates when they seek MeckPAC’s endorsement. If LGBT voters are to make truly-informed decisions at the ballot box, we must have access to the on-the-record questions and answers of candidates. Naysayers — even some among the LGBT community — argue that anti-LGBT employment discrimination and other LGBTrelated civic matters affect only a small percentage of city workers and citizens so passing LGBT-inclusive policies and ordinances shouldn’t be a priority. I disagree. City-county bureaucrats can’t even bring themselves to say something as relatively simple as, “No, we don’t discriminate against LGBT people” (see “Why ‘what ifs’ are important, and why CATS needs to clarify their policy,” goqnotes.com/8508). That’s indicative of a problem and an inherent inability of city or county government to be forthright in their otherwise promised “guarantees” of equality and inclusion. I happen to believe that inclusion and equality are among this nation’s best virtues. Such ideals should be embodied in both law and practice. Charlotte likes to fancy itself the “Queen City.” Unlike a real monarch, however, Charlotte rarely leads on any issue, particularly when it comes to social equity. Until such a time as Charlotte and its leaders are willing to move forward on issues of inclusion and equality, the city will remain nothing more than a small Southern hamlet with delusions of grandeur. : :

by leslie robinson :: qnotes contributor

Look homeward, lesbian

It was a North Carolina author, Thomas Wolfe, who wrote “You Can’t Go Home Again.” My partner Anne decided to ignore him and go home to North Carolina anyway. I decided to go along to help her clean out the family home in Rutherfordton. Over four grueling days we lifted and sorted an incredible number of boxes. By the end of all that heavy lifting, I’d mentally changed Wolfe’s title to “You Can’t Stand Straight Again.” In those boxes we found symbols of the tension between Anne’s lesbianism and her mother’s religiosity. And, when Anne and I went into town, we discovered another tension, between how we live in Seattle and how we felt we had to behave in a small Carolina town. There was a third tension regarding the nutritional value of fried okra, but I’ll confine myself to the gay bits. When Anne was 14, her mother became a fundamentalist Christian. That’s one way of coping with a budding teenager. Anne’s mom liked to hand out religious tracts and in one box, along with myriad tracts

talkback

on accepting Jesus as your personal savior, sat copies of “The Gay Blade.” An image of a man with not one, but two limp wrists, graced the cover. Published in 1972, this tract proclaimed, “Out of Satan’s shadowy world of homosexuality, in a display of defiance against society, they come forth.” Sounds like a zombie movie. “Their power structure is widespread — they occupy all kinds of jobs.” Some are “even hinted to be in high government positions.” Yup, we snuck in right under the nose of FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover . . . oh . . . wait . . . Most of the tract’s pages were devoted to a vivid rendering of the Sodom story, suitable in any decade for putting the fear of God in someone. Anne’s mom handed out anti-gay tracts at the same time her daughter was feeling lesbian stirrings. No wonder it took Anne a bunch more years and a run at Christian education before she became the openly gay woman of her mother’s nightmares.

Letters to the editor and comments from goqnotes.com. Web comments are not edited for grammar or punctuation.

In response to our interview with new Lesbian & Gay Community Center Chair John Stotler (goqnotes.com/9169), readers say: Congratulations to John Stotler and the other members of the Board. You do not have an easy task ahead of you in regaining trust and rebuilding the Center into the vibrant heart of the LGBT community it has been and should be. I am hopeful that the change in leadership at the Center will truly lead to a change in atmosphere. For the last couple of years, the Center gave the impression of being a clique in which you had to be a member in good standing. Ruffle feathers and you were gone. This was not lost on the LGBT community and it seemed as though the only time effort was made to include the ENTIRE community was Pride. Also, the flagrant lack of transparency with regard to its operations, finances and the actions of the Board served to further push away the very LGBT community it is supposed to serve. Until there is disclosure as to finances, ALL finances, I will not contribute any money and have heard this from several members of the community. One other suggestion for the new Board: Would it be too much to ask for some sort of actual and visable signage indicating the location of the Center? That small, sad flag is far from adequate. Many people attending Pride were able to find the festival but unable to find the actual Center. Perhaps this would lead to an increase in attendance at events and overall support. Why have you been hiding? — Rita, Nov. 14, web

And relative to financial disclosure, a 2010 Annual Report will be coming after the end of the year with details about all of The Center’s activities this year. — John Stotler, Nov. 19, web

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general gayety

Speaking of Christian education, we also uncovered one of Anne’s grade reports from Moody Bible Institute. Perhaps her mom kept it because she was proud of Anne’s good grades. Or, maybe she kept it, Anne theorizes, as proof that her daughter once had fine Christian intentions. Anne’s mother is still living, still handing out tracts to strangers. When we visited her in South Carolina on this trip, I wanted to ask if her stock included anti-gay treatises. I refrained. I don’t want my picture on the next round of tracts. During The Great Purge, Anne and I occasionally got away from the house and headed to Main Street. There in the town where she was born, where everybody still knows her family, she found herself reluctant to touch me on the street or in a restaurant. A natural toucher restrained. I felt the same. In that area of the country, where you can’t throw a hush puppy without hitting a church and where I twice heard white people refer to someone as being black “but good,” discretion felt nearly necessary. A new feeling for me and I liked it as much as barbecue sauce on a Moon Pie. When we entered the antiques store, we found Anne’s childhood playmate working there. I heard Anne pause before introducing me as her partner. That was not the pause that refreshes. The next day Anne saw her again and the woman said she was sorry she couldn’t say goodbye to me as well. You just never know what you’ll find when you go home again. In an old box or in people. : : info:

LesRobinson@aol.com . generalgayety.com

We are always looking for feedback and ideas. We would love to have a program/event/ meeting/etc at The Center every day and night. Please email The Center and those will get passed to the appropriate board member or committee to discuss. As for signage, we are working with the NC Music Factory on that. We will have limitations based on their structure and policies as well as agreements they have with the city about signage.

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

BRIEFS

news notes: from the carolinas, nation and world compiled by Lainey Millen :: lainey@goqnotes.com David Stout :: david@goqnotes.com | Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

CHARLOTTE — Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) is looking for donations for its client services pantry, especially during these economically-trying times. Stop by Monday through Friday, 9 a.m.-5 p.m., and leave basic household necessities to ensure that each person served does not have to go without. Many of RAIN’s clients may consider these items luxuries. The wish list includes: toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, etc.); normal sized cleaning supplies; toilet paper and tissue; and laundry detergent in non-bulk containers. For more information or to leave items, go to First United Methodist Church, 501 N. Tryon St., 4th Floor, call 704-372-7246, email info@ carolinarain.org or visit carolinarain.org. — L.M.

mission of the chorus thriving through a convenient, budget-friendly monthly giving program. Chad Mackie, board president, said, “Every year One Voice gives a face and voice to the LGBT community by performing public concerts, providing music to support Charlotte’s other LGBT organizations and singing at social justice events — most recently performing as a sponsor of the ‘It Gets Better’ candlelight vigil in response to anti-gay bullying. “We’ll apply your monthly contribution to the recurring costs required for our work to continue to enrich and inform the community. Plus, for donations of $25 or more each month, we’ll send you two VIP tickets to every One Voice concert while your recurring gift is in effect.” They count on individual gifts for its survival. Everyone who participates will receive a free T-shirt as a way of saying thanks. To participate, visit tracking.etapestry. com/t/14367659/389219569/54247812/0/. — L.M.

Job skills workshop slated

Triad

Charlotte Clients have needs

CHARLOTTE — Got the “need a job” blues? Then march on down to The Lesbian & Gay Community Center, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B-11, on Dec. 4 from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. for an LGBT Employment Boot Camp. This workshop is free and includes lunch. Registration is required and space is limited. The program includes coffee and pastry in the morning, followed by resume writing and interview skills training. Learn how to manage stress during job-hunting while unemployed. Lunch time is chocked full of tidbits on working for the government and private business, youth-specific topics and tip sharing. Afterward get coaching on resume writing from local human resources pros and leave with a sound document for your search. The day ends with role play to hone interview skills. For more information or to register, visit employmentbootcamp.org. — L.M.

Sport a shirt in support

CHARLOTTE — Want to show how much you appreciate the talents of One Voice Chorus? Then “jump on stage” and join the Encore Circle as a way to keep the music and

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

Ring in the season

WINSTON-SALEM — The Adam Foundation’s 1st Annual Holiday Social will be held on Dec. 2, 5:30 p.m., at Finnigan’s Wake, 620 N Trade St. Completing the work for 2010 will be an open board meeting to be held on Dec. 21 at 7 p.m. at Celtic Cafe, 924 S. Marshall St. The Adam Foundation promotes the identity, strength, and well-being of the local LGBT community and supports organizations serving persons living with HIV and AIDS. For more information, email info@adam foundation.org or visit www.finniganswake.net. — L.M.

Triangle Group seeks official non-profit status

RALEIGH/DURAM/CHAPEL HILL — The youth-run and -led iNSIDEoUT is looking for new adult board members. Now in its fifth year, the group provides Triangle-area LGBT youth social, support and activism opportunities. The organization is working to file its 501(c)3 non-profit status with the IRS. To do so, they need to assemble a board of directors.

The group said, “While the youth have authority over the programming and day-today activities of iNSIDEoUT, the adult board may decide to take on additional projects that aim to support lgbtq-a youth both in and out of schools.” Positions sought after include a treasurer, fundraising coordinator, public relations officer, youth representative (between the ages of 18-21) and a legal advisor. Those interested should send a short statement describing their interest and any relevant experience or other information to insideout180@gmail.com. Interested persons should also indicate which position they prefer to fill. The group notes that people of color, transgender and transsexual people and queer individuals are encouraged to apply. For more information, visit insideout180.org. — M.C.

bution of $10 for the first one, $5 for additional ones. For more information, contact Rhonda Bonfield or David Zealy at 828-322-1447, ext. 233 or email alfadev@alfainfo.org. On Dec. 5 at 6 p.m. at Youseff 242, 242 11th Ave. NE, a Winter Gala honoring Legacy Award winners Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams completes the observance. It comes with a four-course meal and wine pairings by Executive Chef Thomas Clayton. It’s in its 13th year and has raised over $520,000. Sponsors for World AIDS Day 2010 are Catawba Valley Medical Center, Frye Regional Medical Center, Lenoir-Rhyne University and Catawba County Public Health. For more information, email alfadev@ alfainfo.org or visit alfaworldaidsday.org. — L.M.

have the same rights as other immediate family members. The new rules will be published in the Federal Register on Nov. 19. The rules follow a directive issued by President Obama to the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) in April in which he noted that LGBT people are “uniquely affected” by being “unable to be there for the person they love, and unable to act as a legal surrogate if their partner is incapacitated.” Upon announcing the rules, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said, “Basic human rights — such as your ability to choose your own support system in a time of need — must not be checked at the door of America’s hospitals.” — D.S.

Advocacy

Center gets ho-ho-hopeful for X-mas

Champions to receive award

CONCORD, N.H. — Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Bishop in the Episcopal Church, has announced his intention to retire from his role as Bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire in January of 2013. He plans to pursue a greater role in worldwide evangelism and expand his work with LGBT advocacy. Robinson’s retirement will come at the culmination of 35 years in the diocese, nine of which will have been spent as Bishop, and a career devoted to physical and spiritual wellness — including immense work on AIDS education and prevention. “Bishop Robinson has been among the chief spiritual leaders in the movement for LGBT freedom,” said Human Rights Campaign Religion and Faith Program Director Rev. Harry Knox. “His courage, poise, and grace in the face of vitriolic attacks on his humanity and faith have made him a model by which the rest of us judge our daily actions.” — D.S.

CHAPEL HILL — The LGBT Center of Raleigh has been selected as the “Tip for a Cause” for December by the Aveda Institute, 200 W. Franklin St. Visit the facility for any service (i.e., hair cut, color, facial or nail service, etc.) and 100 percent of all tips will be contributed to the Center. Haircuts start at $19, color starts at $40, facials start at $35 and nail services start at $15. Call the Institute to reserve your December appointment at 919-960-4769. All services are performed by supervised students. Now that you got your “pretty” on, how about nibbling on one of the goodies that center volunteers will showcase at a holiday bake sale on Dec. 4 from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Institute? Bring individually-wrapped baked goods to school the day of the sale or drop them off at the Center, 316 W. Cabarrus St., on the day before from 1-7 p.m. A team will deliver the baked goods the next morning to Chapel Hill for the bake sale. For more information, visit lgbtcenterof raleigh.com. — L.M.

Western ASO sponsors AIDS Day events

HICKORY — AIDS Leadership Foothillsarea Alliance (ALFA) will partner with a host of community agencies on Dec. 1 in observance of World AIDS Day (WAD). Awareness campaigns, as well as target events will highlight the day’s activities and will be capped off with a festive celebration later in the week. As reported in the Nov. 13 issue in News Notes, ALFA will host a display of a section of the AIDS Memorial Quilt from Nov. 29-Dec. 1, 8 a.m to midnight at Lenior Rhyne University, Rudisill Library, 625 7th Ave. N.E. Earlier in the day at 11:30 a.m., a free continuing education for medical providers, sponsored by Catawba Valley Medical Center, will take place. Registrations may be made by contacting AHEC, 810 Fairgrove Church Rd., by calling 828-326-3386. From 5:30-6:30 p.m., a WAD reception will be held at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church, 629 8th St. N.E. A memorial service follows from 6:30-7:30 p.m., including performances by the Lenior Rhyne University Gospel Choir, Exodus Ministries Choir and Mount Sinai Praise Dancer, speakers, reflection and candlelight vigil. Light the Night will complete the day’s observance at Lenior Rhyne University. Luminaries, in memory of or in honor of a person of one’s choice, are available for a contri-

HICKORY — Mitchell Gold and Bob Williams will be honored with the inaugural Legacy Award at ALFA’s Winter Gala on Dec. 5 at 6 p.m. at Youssef 242, 242 11th Ave. NE. The Legacy Award goes to individuals who have made outstanding contributions in support of HIV/AIDS services in the northwestern North Carolina region that ALFA serves. This year’s honorees are credited with providing vision, strategic planning and passion for ALFA that has insured free HIV/AIDS services to the community. Executive Director Rodney Tucker said. “Thirteen years ago, ALFA was days away from closing due to financial issues. Mitchell and Bob are two community leaders who literally came to the agency’s rescue. By giving their time and resources, they insured ALFA’s doors would remain open to serve our community.” Special Reserved Seating is available with a minimum contribution of $100 per seat. Gold and Williams will also host a Legacy Table with seating available for a contribution of $500 per seat. For more information or to reserve Winter Gala seating, call Rhonda Bonfield at 828-3221447 ext. 223, email alfadeve@alfainfo.org, or visit www.alfainfo.org. — L.M.

National Kirsch headed east?

SAN DIEGO — Dan Kirsch, the onetime visionary behind OutCharlotte and The Charlotte Lesbian & Gay Center, has stepped down as executive and artistic director of Diversionary Theatre. The Wisconsin-native has been there since he left Charlotte after helping to get the Center on its feet at its Central Ave. location six years ago. According to SignOnSanDiego, Kirsch hopes to relocate back east in March. Before departing, he’ll help the theater plan for its 2011-12 season, as well as spearhead the effort for a replacement for himself. Diversionary, a 25-year-old venture, produces plays with LGBT themes. Currently, it is in the top 10 in local theater companies. — L.M.

Hospital rules respect gays

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Centers for Medicaid and Medicare issued new rules Nov. 17 that require all hospitals that participate in Medicaid and Medicare to allow patients to designate who shall be allowed to visit them and make medical decisions on their behalf. The order will allow for same-sex partners to

Gay bishop to retire in ’13

Lesbian widow sues gov’t

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Edith “Edie” Windsor, who shared her life with her late spouse, Thea Spyer, for 44 years, has filed a lawsuit against the federal government for refusing to recognize their marriage. The lawsuit challenges the constitutionality of the “Defense of Marriage Act” (DOMA), a federal statute that defines marriage for all federal purposes as a legal union between one man and one woman. Windsor and Spyer were married in Canada in 2007, and were considered married by their home state of New York. Spyer died in 2009. Because of DOMA, Windsor was not able to claim the estate tax marital deduction that is available when the surviving spouse is of the opposite sex. In her lawsuit, Windsor is seeking to have DOMA declared unconstitutional and to obtain a refund of the federal estate tax that she was forced to pay following Spyer’s death. Windsor, a senior computer systems programmer, and Spyer, a clinical psychologist, met in the early 1960s, and lived together for decades in an apartment in Greenwich Village. Despite not being able to get legally married, they got engaged in 1967. After more than 40 years together, they were finally married in Toronto in 2007. Their relationship, which is recognized by their home state of N.Y., is the subject of a documentary entitled, “Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement.” — D.S.

Aiken supports bullying bills

WASHNGTON, D.C. — On Nov. 18, Senators Bob Casey and Al Franken and Representatives Jared Polis and Linda Sánchez were joined by N.C.-based singer

Clay Aiken, “Dancing with the Stars” regular Louis Van Amstel, and Sirdeaner Walker and Tammy Aaberg, two mothers who lost their sons to suicide after they faced in-school bullying, to stress the importance of two bills that address bullying and harassment in schools. The Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA) is a federal anti-bullying bill that includes protections based on race, sex, national origin, religion, sexual orientation and gender identity/expression. The bill has bi-partisan support and currently has 130 cosponsors in the House and 15 cosponsors in the Senate. The Student Non-Discrimination Act, modeled after Title IX, would provide protections to students targeted for bullying, harassment and discrimination based on their actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. The bill currently as 127 cosponsors in the House and 30 cosponsors in the Senate. — D.S.

‘Give a Damn’ about runaways

NEW YORK, N.Y. — The Give a Damn Campaign, a project of Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund, has released its latest video during National Runaway Prevention Month to raise awareness about homeless LGBT youth. Susan Sarandon, Alan Cumming, Rebecca Romijn, Pete Wentz, Eden Riegel and Cyndi Lauper speak up about the need to bring an end to this epidemic. Each year, between 500,000 and 1.6 million youth in the U.S. are homeless or runaways. LGBT youth make up an estimated three percent to five percent of the general U.S. population. Yet they make up more than 20 percent — and possibly up to 40 percent — of all homeless youth in the country. Family conflict is the most common cause of all youth homelessness. For gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth, the conflict tends to be over their sexual orientation or gender identity. Half of all teens get a negative reaction from their parents when they come out to them resulting in many of them running away. More than 1 in 4 are actually thrown out of their homes by their parents. — D.S.

LGBT aging conference held

NEW YORK, NY — Services and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Elders (SAGE) held its first national conference created by and for LGBT older adults Nov. 11-13, at the CUNY Graduate Center. “The Future of Aging Is in Our Hands” brought together hundreds of older adults from around the country to explore issues such as activism, financial security, health, ageism and more. Plenary sessions and workshops covered topics such as reforming public policies to address the inequities that harm LGBT older adults; tackling ageism within and outside the LGBT community; the unique challenges of caregiving for the loved ones of LGBT elders; overcoming the mental and physical challenges of aging; and achieving financial and legal security when discrimination is rampant among LGBT older adults and their loved ones. — D.S. Errata In the Oct. 30 iissue, we mispelled Coti Collins name in the News Notes article entitled “Pageant rated tops.” We regret the error. info: Have news or other information? Send your press releases and updates for inclusion in our News Notes: editor@goqnotes.com.

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

Magnetic attraction Charlotte, Greensboro couples navigate life in love and serodiscordance by David Stout :: davids@goqnotes.com

Although it’s an accepted convention that sometimes opposites attract, resulting in dichotomous pairings like liberals with conservatives, matinee idols with car park attendants and Carolina fans with Duke fans, for the most part this hasn’t been the case with HIV-positive and HIV-negative people. From the early days of the epidemic both groups have largely chosen to look for mates and sexual partners from within their own ranks. This practice is known as sero sorting — sorting individuals by their HIV serologic status — and there are a variety of factors that have made it commonplace. Some of these antecedents are emotional connectivity (such as the comfort partners find when each knows what the other is going through); altruism (the desire to limit the epidemic to the already infected); and, of course, sex (too often driven by the unsound notion that individuals with the same purported HIV status are free to engage in unprotected intercourse). As anyone who has ever been in love knows, however, historical precedents and guiding principles — or any other forces for that matter — have no effect when the heart decides to go its own way. Sometimes, against all odds, opposites attract. Drawn together In medical terminology a couple comprised of an HIV-positive individual and an HIV-negative individual is a serodiscordant couple. (Same-status couples are termed seroconcordant.) In colloquial gay parlance these couples are said to be “magnetic” — positive and negative drawn together like the poles of a magnet. David Witt, 61, and Joe Kiser, 46, are a magnetic couple who live in Charlotte. They have been partnered for 14 years. Witt is a former mental health and substance abuse professional with Mecklenburg County. He was diagnosed with HIV in 1986 and declared disabled in 1997 due to related health complications. Witt met computer programmer Kiser in an online chatroom in 1996. He says he dis-

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closed his HIV status right away. “Before Joe ever came over to have dinner with me, he knew my status. I’d already lost a partner to AIDS-related causes, so I’d been out for a long time and didn’t really have any problems telling anyone about my status. On the other hand, there’s always a slight fear that you may be rejected by somebody you’d like to get to know.” Kiser says he “just had to stop and think for a moment” before committing to the relationship. His family’s reaction was cautious, but not condemning. “There was concern in the beginning,” he explains. “They were mostly just worried about me. Now, my dad is accepting and when my sister brings up any negative conversation it’s about me being homosexual, not about HIV.” Through the years, Witt has endured a string of health issues. He recounts them in a matter-of-fact manner that is sobering. “I have chronic sinusitis, candidiasis — a yeast infection in my esophagus — and congestive heart failure. I had a heart attack in ‘99 that might have been contributed to by years of HIV meds, as well as the HIV itself. One real concern is kidney failure. My kidney function is about 17 percent; at 10 percent I would require dialysis. My diabetes is the result of HIV. I have neuropathy, which has caused me to have multiple falls and an irritable bowel related to the HIV. There’s also fatigue and anemia. The anemia’s what we’re dealing with now. I’m not making blood for some reason.” Despite the extent of Witt’s health problems, the couple tries to keep them from dominating their relationship. It can be a challenge. For example, in April, Witt spent the first four days of a 15-day Key West vacation sick in bed. After discussing it, the pair decided to

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Lisa Waldman (l) and Martha Lang don’t sweat the little things and enjoy every moment they have together. Similarly, Joe Kiser (l) and David Witt say they cherish each day.

stick it out. The cost when they returned home was a seven-day hospitalization for Witt to treat a bout of pneumonia. Whatever the challenges, Kiser says there’s no question that he’s been enriched by his magnetic partnership. “It’s brought a nurturing aspect out of me that was not often there before and made me more empathetic” he says. “And because HIV has affected David so profoundly, he sees life as so precious. He has taught me to see that too.” Witt adds that the relationship has deepened in turn. “I don’t think we’ve had an argument were we’ve raised our voices. Because we’ve had to sit and talk about such serious matters of health, we can talk about any serious issues in our relationship. HIV makes us appreciate every day. When my time comes, I don’t want to have any regrets about our relationship. ” Kiser sometimes struggles with his fear of what the future might bring, but the presence of Witt’s RAIN Care Team and friends from Witt’s recovery group helps. And, at the end of the day, no matter what lies in wait, he’s going to be there to go through it and Witt knows it. “We talk about what’s happening to us; what’s happening to me and how he feels about it,” Witt says. “He’s just a great partner. Even though he can’t experience the panic, fear and isolation I sometimes feel, I know he’s there and all I’ve got to do is call him. It

helps to know you’ve got a true mate to help you go through.” Lesbians get it too Lesbians are the invisible component of the HIV-positive population. The U.S. government doesn’t even bother to track infection rates among them. This systemic lack of interest led to a nightmare scenario for Martha Lang, now a 45-year-old sociology professor in Greensboro, N.C. By the time she was diagnosed, Lang had made numerous visits to doctors and specialists in Richmond, Ind., where she was then living. She was wracked with illness and already in full-blown AIDS, suffering from a life-threatening combination of pneumocystis pneumonia, thrush and dementia. She says no one thought to test her for HIV for so long because she’s “white, over-educated and a lesbian.” Lang was placed on the AIDS drug cocktail and her health was making a vigorous rebound when she went on her first date with Lisa Waldman, 43. (“I had 240 T-cells when we got together,” Lang says. “At one point I had 48. My latest count is 1,200.”) Still, she expected the worst when she revealed her status during that fateful Chinese dinner. “It was very difficult,” she shares. “In my

see Couples on 17

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

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Serving proudly, AAS-C focuses on care, community and clients Raleigh’s Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina: Mission & History

qnotes is pleased to partner with the Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina in presenting this special section, “Life, Positively”, in recognition of World AIDS Day. The mission of the Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina is to serve people living with HIV/AIDS, their loved ones, caregivers and communities at large with compassionate, non-judgmental care, prevention, education and advocacy. It provides a comprehensive variety of programs and services to individuals, organizations and communities in the Research Triangle Region of central North Carolina in order to achieve this mission. These programs and services include: direct emergency financial assistance; individual advocacy to assist clients in getting the services they need and are qualified for; referrals to more than 180 other public and private agencies; food pantries averaging nearly 600 client visits per month; door-todoor transportation for clients to medical appointments and bus tickets for local and regional travel; arrangements for respite care; housing referrals; support groups as needed and requested; Care Teams (groups of 5-12 people from over 60 Triangle congregations), Pastoral care and spiritual support provided for Care Partners (clients who have Care Teams), individuals, and families affected by HIV/AIDS; a monthly volunteer/ client/donor electronic newsletter with a circulation of over 4,000; operation of two Family Care Homes licensed by the State of North Carolina and housing a total of 11 low-income people living with AIDS, many of whom are dually-diagnosed; HIV prevention education programs reaching over 25,000 people annually (targeted populations include men who have sex with men, women of child bearing years, and youth), Congregational Education (or faith-based HIV/STD education) is for both clergy and congregations, volunteer program with more than 1,000 volunteers who are thoroughly integrated into every department and activity. Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina’s history began in the late 1980s, when several non-profit organizations in the Research Triangle region of North Carolina serving

people with HIV/AIDS began collaborating on various aspects of their missions, most notably a major fund raising event called Evening With Friends. These organizations collectively served well over 2,400 individuals annually who were infected and affected by HIV and AIDS in the Research Triangle region since 1988. In November 1997 three of these agencies (AIDS Service Agency of North Carolina, AIDS Service Agency of Orange County and Triangle AIDS Interfaith Network) created a Joint Committee on Strategic Restructuring to examine and recommend options for consolidation that would meet current and projected needs of people living with HIV/AIDS in the Triangle and affirm the missions of each agency. In May 1998 the Joint Committee recommended consolidation of the organizations and in June 1998 the boards of directors of these organizations formally agreed to consolidate. The formal action that created the Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina occurred on Oct. 18, 1999. Articles of Incorporation were filed on Sept. 21, 1999. The IRS has issued an Employer Identification Number and granted 501(c)(3) non-profit status. After the consolidation the Alliance successfully integrated its formerly separate founding organizations into one agency with 42 employees and a yearly budget of over $1.8 million. The Alliance of AIDS Services - Carolina has continued to grow in the first decade of the 21st century. Its clients in its four core counties — Wake, Durham, Orange and Johnston — have access to a complete offering of client services. In April 2010, the Alliance began an exciting new collaboration with Wake County Human Services to form the Access Network of Care. The Alliance now offers North Carolinians living in Chatham, Durham, Franklin, Granville, Johnston, Lee Orange, Person, Vance, Wake and Warren Counties a new way to access healthcare. The Alliance’s now serves more than 500 clients and it employs more than 50 people. : : — For more information, visit aas-c.org.

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‘Gay disease’ or not, HIV is our responsibility Feature commentary by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

The statistics are scary. In places like Washington, D.C., and 19 of the largest U.S. cities, the facts and figures take on new meaning, as more and more people contract HIV and are left to live with the disease, the cultural and institutional stigma and health disparities. Like many epidemics, HIV/AIDS has hit minorities the hardest. In the 1980s, the disease hit gay men and intravenous drug users. There’s no doubt many of the men and women first affected by the AIDS crisis were also either ethnic minorities or poor; perhaps they were both. But, now it is clear: the face of HIV/AIDS has changed drastically. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 49 percent of all people living with an HIV/AIDS diagnosis in 2005 were AfricanAmerican. Among black men with HIV, 48 percent had contracted the disease through male-to-male sexual contact; 22 percent through heterosexual contact. Among black women with HIV, almost three-quarters had contracted the disease through heterosexual contact. Nationwide, male-to-male sexual contact accounts for more than half of all HIV/AIDS transmissions. And, just this year, the CDC announced new study results showing 20 percent of all gay men in the nation’s largest 20 cities have HIV. At the Creating Change conference in January 2008, Matt Foreman, former executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, took heat after he proclaimed, “HIV is a gay disease.” I understand what he was trying to do. Transmission rates continue to rise among gay men and other men who have sex with men. In a Bill Cosby-like moment, Foreman was simply attempting to deliver a wake-up call, no different from the 2006 “Own It. End It.” public service advertisements produced by the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Community Center. In an interview following his controversial remarks, Foreman told Between the Line‘s Todd Heywood that his comments were only meant to refocus the LGBT community’s attention. “HIV isn’t just a gay disease, but it is a gay disease in the United States,” Foreman told the Michigan LGBT newspaper. “I would agree that we have separated HIV from the gay community over the last 15 years. That is why HIV/AIDS is not a priority for the vast majority of LBGT (lesbian, bisexual, gay and transgender) national, state and local organizations.”

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Some people agreed with Foreman’s tactics; others didn’t. Unfortunately, Foreman’s main message got lost in the heat of debate: “Over the last 15 years as people have lived longer and the epidemic moved predominately to effecting people of color, we have lost our anger,” Foreman said. “Of course this is not just HIV among gay black men. It’s other African-American health issues not being addressed at large … the system is racist.” He added, “I don’t blame our community for the fact that MSM [men who have sex with men] still account for nearly three quarters of men living with HIV. I hold our government accountable.” “The system is racist.” And, so are far too many LGBT people. In the fall of 2007, Carolina Celebration, a long-running fundraising group in Charlotte, shuttered its doors. Their move effectively turned off the annual faucet that delivered tens of thousands of dollars to the now closed Metrolina AIDS Project (MAP). Beneath several layers of controversy, hearsay and he said-she said accusations, a kernel of truth slipped out from one of the Carolina Celebration’s board members. “We decided about two months ago to discontinue servicing the Dennis Fund and go with something else,” Ed DePasquale told me as I interviewed him for a Feb. 23, 2008 article in qnotes. “We were going to go through with changing the bylaws [and have the money go to a different organization]. Personally, I said the best thing to do is shut it down and start something else later down the road.” DePasquale told me how he remembered the LGBT community rallying to confront the AIDS epidemic in the early days of the crisis. He said he hadn’t seen the same level of involvement or commitment from communities of color. “Why should the gay community give their money to something when it isn’t going to help the gay community?” he asked. Ann White, then executive director of MAP, responded sharply, “How can you put a color on somebody’s pain?” It’s hard to miss the inherent racism in DePasquale’s statements. It is reprehensible that a group of primarily white fundraisers would pull their funds from an AIDS service organization simply because of the skin color of its clients. But the “-isms” cut both ways. For the same article, Bob Oltz, a former MAP associate director, said, “Ironically, the African-

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American community accuses us of being nothing but a gay organization.” Unfortunately, I fear that racism — whether realized or unconscious — is doing damage to the LGBT community’s continued fight against HIV/AIDS. Instead of seeing the human person in need of aid and healthcare, many see skin color. At the same time, some folks inside communities of color aren’t seeing past sex, letting homophobia and heterosexism — whether realized or unconscious — cloud their view of HIV/AIDS and who it affects. When we allow ourselves to give into racism and homophobia, we prove to be no better than the absent federal government officials of the 1980s, who ignored AIDS because it primarily affected gay men. What are people who are LGBT and of color to do? These divisions hurt them, and in the long run make everyone a loser. DePasquale couldn’t see past MAP’s clients’ skin. In doing so, he whitewashed the LGBT community, failing to recognize the countless African-American, Latino and other communities of color who combine to create our community’s rainbow of diversity. The racism like that exhibited by DePasquale and homophobia from communities of color are as much to blame for the continued HIV/AIDS crisis as substance abuse, abstinence-only sex education and the lack of safer sex practices. Why is that the two communities most affected by HIV/ AIDS can’t seem to find common ground and fight the disease together? Rounds of applause are due to the countless LGBT, African-American and Latino leaders, visionaries, community non-profits and health organizations that saw us through the 1980s and 1990s. Much of their work continues today, under the leadership of hundreds of HIV/AIDS service organizations in cities and towns across the country. Many of them have taken bold and courageous steps to reach out to communities of color, building trust and bridging the racial divide that still exists in gay communities. But, our community needs to reawaken the sense of urgency, anger and emotion we

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felt during the 1980s and 1990s. We need to push more of our community institutions to speak out and take action on AIDS, racism, healthcare disparities and poverty. We need to push our elected officials to provide more funding for HIV/AIDS research, testing, education and prevention. We need to hold government institutions like the CDC accountable; they need to know that they can no longer ignore LGBT people and people of color. HIV is not a gay disease. Rather, HIV is a disease that disproportionately affects LGBT people and people of color. It is a disease that kills us, taking away our chance to enjoy the freedoms and equality we gain each day. It is a disease that wreaks havoc on the already maligned, impoverished and institutionally underserved, underprivileged communities of color in cities like Washington, D.C. Our community’s leaders and mentors need to once again instill in our youth a sense of responsibility and seriousness. Safe sex and condom use, testing and education need to be messages LGBT youth and youth of color hear on a regular basis. Unfortunately, LGBT youth and youth of color don’t hear these all-important, life-saving messages in gay-inclusive and gay-positive tones from parents, schools or society. Our government and society has proven itself to be utterly ineffective at combating HIV/AIDS and reaching out to the minorities overwhelmingly affected by it. So, in the face of government failure, it becomes our responsibility to stop HIV/AIDS. It is up to us to continue and increase our discussions about issues and problems like substance abuse, sexuality health education, safe sex, homophobia and racism. HIV/AIDS may not be a “gay disease,” just like it isn’t a “black disease” or a “Latino disease.” But, whether we like it or not, LGBT people (specifically men) and communities of color do bear its greatest burden. HIV/AIDS is our responsibility, and we shouldn’t forget it. : : — An older version of this commentary was published on Matt Comer’s blog, InterstateQ. com, on May 8, 2009. Read it and other installments from Comer’s 2009 “Fessing Up” series at interstateq.com/archives/tag/fessing-up/.

Do you think the LGBT community puts enough focus on HIV/AIDS education, prevention and advocacy? See the options and vote: goqnotes.com/to/qpoll

Carolina HIV/AIDS resources North Carolina is blessed to have a plethora of community resources and programming for those living with HIV/AIDS. Several groups throughout the state work to keep the public educated, provide testing and counseling and support and case management to those who test positive. Below are resources for the Triad, Triangle and Charlotte. Find other resources across the Carolinas in our online QGuide at goqnotes.com/qguide/nc/ or â&#x20AC;&#x2021; goqnotes.com/qguide/sc/.

Triad AIDS Care Service 206 N. Spruce St. Winston Salem, NC 27101-2747 336-777-0116 . aidscareservice.org AIDS Care Service provides housing, food pantry services, client services, Ryan White HIV case management and a variety of support services for Latino and people of color clients. Triad Health Project 801 Summit Ave. Greensboro, NC 27405 336-275-1654 . triadhealthproject.com Triad Health Project provides case management and other client support services, HIV testing and prevention outreach, medical, social service and legal referrals, food pantry and nutritional resources and education, support groups and education, art and exercise programs.

Triangle Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina 324 S. Harrington St. Raleigh, NC 27603 919-834-2437 . aas-c.org info@aas-c.org Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina provides case management, HIV/STD testing and counseling, emergency assistance for rent and utilities, transportation assistance, housing information and referrals other other mental health, substance abuse or support group resources, referrals and programs. See story on page 13. Men United for HIV/AIDS Awareness 728 Marsh Grass Dr. Raleigh, NC 27610 919-233-2044 . mufha.org akilcampbell@mufha.org Men United for HIV/AIDS Awareness is a non-profit that provides community educational programs and support services for at-risk persons and their friends and families. The group specializes in support to men of color.

704-295-1555 . wfulton@brother2brother.org Brother 2 Brother provides educational and support training services for men of color. Workshops include those on HIV awareness and prevention, sex education, dating and relationship violence, empowerment and identity. Carolinas CARE Partnership (formerly Regional HIV/AIDS Consortium) 7510 E. Independence Blvd., Suite 105 Charlotte, NC 28227 704-531-2467 . carolinascare.org info@carolinascare.org Carolinas CARE Partnership provides free HIV/STD testing and counseling, housing assistance, peer training, case management and other services, prevention and education. Carolinas CARE Partnership also houses the popular D-UP program, a peer education outreach effort among young men of color who have sex with men.

House of Mercy 701 Mercy Dr. Belmont, NC 28012 704-825-4711 . thehouseofmercy.org House of Mercy provides end-of-life nursing, housing and medical care for persons living with advanced AIDS. Services include physical therapy and medication assistance. Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) P.O. Box 37190 Charlotte, NC 28237-7190 704-372-7246 . carolinarain.org info@carolinarain.org RAIN provides case management, peer education, counseling and support services and various programs for minorities, the faith community and young people. RAIN is also active in HIV/AIDS advocacy efforts and is soon slated to open their full-service Center City Health Clinic, which will specialize in HIV/AIDS medical treatment and care.

Charlotte Brother 2 Brother P.O. Box 31101 Charlotte, NC 28231

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Gospel concert, attempts to bridge divide Local HIV clinic plans concert with Southern Gospel’s Hoppers, Ryan White mother by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

The shelves on Rosedale Infectious Diseases’ emergency food pantry were getting empty. With a weak economy and the holidays in sight, the HIV/AIDS clinic’s manager, Dale Pierce, and Rosedale physician Frederick A. Cruickshank decided it was time to ramp up their fundraising efforts. “We started thinking of a way we could incorporate an activism piece, a holiday piece and also fill the shelves for a good six to 12

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months,” Pierce says. And, that’s when it hit them: What about a concert? They’ve put their plans in motion and will be presenting a special holiday benefit on Dec. 11 with North Carolina-based Southern Gospel group The Hoppers and Jeanne White Ginder — activist and mother of 1990 AIDS victim Ryan White — for whom the pantry is named. Pierce says he didn’t know want to expect

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when he first reached out to The Hoppers. Nationally recognized, award-winning and Southern Gospel community favorites, The Hoppers have also worked closely with gospel legend Bill Gaither. Needless to say, HIV/AIDS patients and LGBT people aren’t the first groups of folks one might think of as fans. “I reached out to them and said this is what we are doing,” Pierce explains. “It was a booking; they were going to take it. But the next thing I said was, ‘Let me explain. What we are doing, this is not your demographic. There will be a lot of gay and lesbian people in attendance.” Pierce says Claude Hopper, the group’s father and founder, took a long pause and asked, “Tell me, son, exactly what the money is going for?” Pierce told Claude how his clinic’s pantry shelves were getting empty, and how they provided basic canned foods and dry staples to those in need. “If you came in with your family and needed food, you would leave with a bag of groceries to feed your family for the night,” Pierce told Claude. The Gospel singer’s response was enthusiastic: “Son, we’ll be there,” he said. Pierce sees the concert as an opportunity to build bridges. To his knowledge, the holiday concert and fundraiser will be among one of the first times a Southern Gospel group of The Hoppers’ caliber has stepped up on their own and offered their talent for an HIV/AIDSrelated cause. “Most of them won’t touch it,” Pierce says. “There is still that stigma with HIV/AIDS and the Christian community. We’re breaking down the wall a few bricks at a time.” Since the 1980s, the anti-gay stigma attached to HIV/AIDS has waned, especially in recent years. Leading Christian evangelists like Rick Warren and gospel groups like Jars of Clay have reached out with their own efforts targeting the disease and its toll across the globe, particularly in Africa. Pierce says such humanitarian efforts are becoming more commonplace, even as prejudice persists. “I’ve been in the business for a long time, and personally I’ve been positive for 13 years,” he says. “In those years, I’ve seen

a change in the tide, but we’re still in the Bible Belt and there is still that stigma. We’re hoping things like this will enable the message from both sides to get across in a very comfortable way for people.” That message, Pierce passionately explains, is vital, especially in a time when

younger generations unfamiliar with the personal tragedies of the 1980s continue to contract the virus at astounding rates. He says more awareness and education, coupled with courageous leadership and vision, is the only way to end the crisis. “Do we all need to dust off our ACT-UP T-shirts and banners and get out there in the street and start raising the flag again? I think we do,” Pierce says. “Federal and state dollars are getting cut. It’s not in the public forefront anymore.” Pierce, who will serve as the concert’s master of ceremonies, is hopeful the concert will strengthen Rosedale’s ability to continue funding its food pantry. He also hopes it starts a much-needed, community-level discussion on prevention and education. He says, “If we reach just one family that goes home and around the kitchen table starts a dialogue with their teens or in their church or neighborhood and that that would start to blossom into other groups, that will be a greater event for us.” : : If you go An Evening of Hope and Inspiration Featuring The Hoppers With Jeanne White Ginder Sponsored by Rosedale ID and Kerr Health Dec. 11, 7 p.m. McGlohon Theatre 345 North College St., Charlotte Tickets, $20. 704.372.1000. carolinatix.org.

Couples continued from page 8

experience lesbians don’t do well with other lesbians where HIV is concerned. So, I kept looking down at my Chinese food waiting for her to freak out. That’s what had happened with the last woman I’d dated and I was pretty traumatized by it.” However, Waldman, a counselor for an after-hours crisis hotline, took the news in stride. “I’ve been in the mental health and substance abuse fields since college in Rhode Island. One of the things I’d done there was HIV pre- and post-test counseling. I just looked at her and said ‘how are you doing?’ and we talked about it.” Lang and Waldman became a couple in 2002 and married two years later in Massachusetts. They are out to their families about their relationship, as well as Lang’s HIV status. After a period of education and adjustment, both families are supportive, although Waldman’s elderly mother still hasn’t been fully disabused of her misconceptions. “It doesn’t get talked about anymore except with my mom,” Waldman says. “Every time Martha catches a cold I get reminded to not share glasses, towels or soaps because I could catch ‘the HIV.’ I have to remind myself that mom’s 75 and she’s doing her best to understand. She’s better now than when

we got together. I just have to keep reassuring her that I’m not going to catch it.” To make good on that promise, the couple practices safe sex. “We used barriers in the beginning and we still use them now,” says Waldman. “ We don’t have unprotected sex, period.” The biggest issue is that lesbian safe sex is an amorphous concept, explains Lang. “There’s not a lot of information on lesbian safer sex. I went to an HIV doctor who is a lesbian and she couldn’t give me an absolute answer. So, Lisa and I spent a lot of time talking since there’s not a clear categorization of risk.” The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) basically takes the position that lesbians can’t pass HIV to lesbians, and, in practical terms, Lang and Waldman say they have limited concern about sexual transmission. It’s another matter, however, when Waldman occasionally uses Lang’s toothbrush by mistake. “She lovingly yells at me and reminds me not to do that,” Waldman teases. Today, Lang says maintaining her health is “a balancing act” between AIDS meds and the substantial dose of supplements she takes to counter their side effects. “People think you just take pills, but for me it’s a tightrope walk. I spent a good two years basically sitting on the couch because [AIDS drug] Sustiva just made me so stupid.” Waldman’s steadfast understanding during that difficult pe-

riod held the relationship together. “We practice unconditional love and she was so patient with me,” Lang recalls. “I was working part-time at Brown [University] teaching one course and struggling with the mental side effects and the gastrointestinal nausea stuff. Lisa did more things, like managing the housework and the household finances. Instead of 50-50, she did more than her share.” Though both women work full-time now, HIV still exacts a significant toll on their finances due to the costs of the supplements and medical co-pays for Lang. “We’ve been having to have some blunt conversations about that,” Waldman reveals. Despite the attendant challenges to health and livelihood and the uncertainty of the future, which is exacerbated by Lang’s inability to get life insurance, both partners believe their lives have been enriched and their bond as a couple strengthened by their magnetic relationship. Lang says, “Having faced down death and knowing nobody realistically knows how long you live with this disease, my perspective is not sweating the petty or minor stuff. Just being with Lisa and us being happy together is my focus.” “This experience has taught us how to live simply and recognize what is important,” Waldman adds. “People who know us see that we have something pretty special here.” : :

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NEWS

Charlotte activist among six honored at statewide gala Roberta Dunn receives ’Equality Champion’ award, joins CLT center board by Tyler DeVere :: tdevere@goqnotes.com

Roberta Dunn has forged a path for herself as a trusted leader “None of this would have been possible without MeckPAC,” Dunn and advocate for LGBT people in Charlotte. Yet, she says she never says. intended or planned on becoming an activist, Dunn simply couldn’t The work by the group and its members have led to many suchelp herself. After years of work in Charlotte’s transgender and larger cesses, Dunn adds, but she also says there have been political LGBT community, Dunn’s activism was recognized by Equality North let-downs in Charlotte. Dunn says it was particularly difficult to deal Carolina among the work of five other Carolina LGBT and straight ally personally with the city’s decision to enact non-discrimination polileaders. cies excluding transgender people. More devastating, however, was The Equality Champion Award, presented for the first time this the murder of transgender Charlottean Toni Alston. year by Equality NC to six leaders across the state, seeks to recogAlston’s April murder and the public follow-up by police and nize the hard work of community activists and advocates working media immediately shifted Dunn’s focus away from city policies. Her for change in their local communities. Dunn received the Charlotte passion for a woman she never met, but many believe was the victim region Equality Champion Award for her work with local organizations of a hate crime, is immediately apparent. Through advocating for and for successfully makAlston, Dunn said she ing important inroads with has come to feel like she the Charlotte-Mecklenburg knew Alston in life. Police Department. Dunn says she had Other award winners three goals related to included: Ellen W. Gerber Alston’s murder. The (Triad), the Rev. Joe first was to educate the Hoffman and Noel Nickle Charlotte-Mecklenburg (Western), Aaron Lucier Police Department (Eastern) and Joshua Lee about the language they Weaver (Triangle). [For and the media used to more about each of the describe Alston, includaward winners, see our ing usually derogatory past coverage, “Equality terms like “alternative NC recognizes 2010 lifestyle” and “crossEquality Champions,” dresser.” Second, Dunn http://goqnotes.com/8739/.] wanted the local police More than five years to create an LGBT liaison ago, Dunn came to the office, to serve as a Charlotte area and soon go-between for police Roberta Dunn (right) received the Charlotte region Equality Champion Award on Nov. 13. became active with Kappa officials and LGBT comBeta, a transgender support and social group now known as Carolina munity members. Finally, she wanted Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Transgender Society. She also later joined another transgender Chief Rodney Monroe to hold an open forum with the community. All group, the Charlotte Gender Alliance. three goals have been accomplished — the chief held his forum at But what first started out as simple and occasional volunteer the Lesbian & Gay Community Center on Oct. 12. Dunn feels progress work soon turned into full-blown political advocacy. The debate over with the police department is at least as good or even better than she the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) in 2007 was could have expected. the initial spark to Dunn’s political involvement. That year, legislaDespite her already many accomplishments, Dunn has no intentors in the U.S. House decided to cut language that would have tion of slowing down and expects to have a hand in effecting even protected employees on the basis of gender identity. Dunn decided more progress in Charlotte. She plans on continuing conversations to join Charlotte’s local Human Rights Campaign steering committee. with the police department and other city and county leaders — a Following pro-transgender public restroom accommodations being task that might be easier after her unanimous election to the Lesbian made in Washington, D.C., Dunn wanted to bring something similar & Gay Community Center Board of Trustees on Nov. 10. to the Queen City. She soon teamed up with the Mecklenburg Gay Of the board’s decision to bring her on, Dunn says in her trade& Lesbian Political Action Committee (MeckPAC). [Ed. Note – This mark humble style, “It’s a phenomenal honor.” : : writer is a MeckPAC steering committee member.] — Matt Comer contributed.

Poll:

Gays, lesbians least welcome group in Charlotte A three-year “Soul of the Community” poll released Nov. 15 by the Knight Foundation and Gallop has found that gays and lesbians are perceived as the least welcome social group in Charlotte. The survey, conducted from 2008 to 2010, sought to correlate community attachment and loyalty with several factors, including economic growth, civic involvement, openness to various social groups and community and social offerings like nightlife and entertainment. Residents rating Charlotte highly as a community open to gays and lesbians decreased slightly each year the survey was conducted. In 2008, 16 percent rated the city highly. That dropped to 15 percent in 2009 and finally to 14 percent this year. Gays and lesbians were the least welcomed of all social groups included in the survey each year.

qnotes

Other social groups included older people, racial and ethnic minorities, families with kids, college graduates and immigrants. According to results of the 2010 survey, 55 percent of respondents perceived Charlotte as having a low openness to gays and lesbians. Thirty-one percent said the city had a medium openness. Only 14 percent rated the city as having a high openness to gays and lesbians. Katherine Loflin, Soul of the Community’s lead consultant, said openness to each of the social groups included in the survey trended downward each year, but cautioned those results might be caused by the way the questions were asked. “I think we are particularly specific when we don’t ask about tolerance, we don’t say, ‘Does this community tolerate this group well?’” Loflin said. “We really ask, ‘Is

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

this a good and welcoming place for these different groups?’ and I think that is a higher level of achievement.” She said survey respondents might have a hard time honestly saying a community is “welcoming” if it only happens to be tolerant. “I think that helps to explain some of the things we are seeing,” she said. “Communities are being pretty honest with us, saying, ‘You know, this is something we can all do a little better at.’” Charlotte’s downward trend in perceptions of openness toward gays and lesbians has occurred simultaneously with some forward movement on official LGBT inclusion. In 2008, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools passed a comprehensive anti-bullying policy inclusive of “sexual orientation” and “gender

see CLT Poll on 21

CIVIC BRIEFS Charlotte center to host mayor

CHARLOTTE — The Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte has announced it will hold an open forum with Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx on Dec. 9. The event is slated to begin at 7 p.m. at the center, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11. Foxx’s event with the LGBT community follows Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Rodney Monroe’s open forum at the center on Oct. 12. Monroe’s presence there marked the first time a local police chief spoke publicly to the LGBT community. Foxx’s appearance marks a similarly historic occasion. Foxx was elected mayor in 2009, succeeding longtime Republican Mayor Pat McCrory. Many LGBT community members had criticized McCrory’s lack of support for the local LGBT community. more: goqnotes.com/9237

Advocates stress strategy at statewide conference

GREENSBORO — Ian Palmquist, executive director of the statewide LGBT advocacy group Equality North Carolina, spoke frankly with those attending his organization’s annual conference on Nov. 13 at the University of North Carolina-Greensboro. Usually, the event is a time for celebration — Equality NC has been largely successful on a host of pro-equality issues, policies and legislation. But, the mood was much more somber after this year’s election gave Republicans control of both houses of the state legislature. Republican legislators might attempt to pass an anti-gay constitutional amendment on marriage, but Equality NC hopes they can appeal to fiscal conservatives within the GOP who might be uncomfortable spending $5 million in such a tight economic climate. Palmquist said the new political landscape provides new opportunities to reach across the aisle. His group has spent years building relationships with GOP lawmakers and constituents. A former executive director of the group identifies as a Republican, and the current Equality NC Board chair, Dan Gurley, is a former executive director of the North Carolina Republican Party. more: goqnotes.com/9223

United Way exec speaks to guild

CHARLOTTE — Jane McIntyre, executive director of the United Way of Central Carolinas, spoke to a couple dozen members of the Charlotte Business Guild on Nov. 16. Her message of inclusive community involvement is a personal one she’s lived by for years. In her opening remarks to the group, McIntyre told the story of her Rock Hill, S.C., high school friend, Charlie, who came out as a youth. Her friends and his parents were supportive, she said. Such a positive coming out was certainly rare years ago, and especially so in small towns. Nonetheless, Charlie eventually took his own life. “Our high school class, none of us are over it,” she said. “We’ve never gotten over it.” Every time her high school class comes together, she said, they take time to remember Charlie. McIntyre’s inclusive vision and leadership began when times were incredibly different from today. As the world has changed, LGBT people have become more welcomed. Not all change moves at the same pace, however. Poll results released Nov. 15, for example, show that gays and lesbians are perceived as the least welcome of several social groups in the Charlotte metro area. [See story this page.] more: goqnotes.com/9252

drag rag by miss della :: qnotes contributor

Sure are a bunch of ‘pretty ladies!” Gather Divine LaReese, Danielle Nicole (visiting from ‘round, kidBuffalo), Ashley Jordan and Monica Lovette. dies — the The very next day, a bunch of us had way Thanksgiving too much fun at brunch at Bistro LaBon on table, that is! Central Avenue — a new favorite on Sunday Let’s pour tea afternoons. It was a Who’s Who, I guess about some contests that have taken place you could say — myself, Renee Rollins, Big recently, but I’ll also mention some shows Mama B, Brooke, Brandonna, Shae Shae that I’ve seen, too. As time goes by, I still LaReese, along with friends Richard, Drew keep thinking back to that trip to Chicago a and Stephen. Shae Shae had flown in to few months ago for Miss Continental. Our be in the show that night at Scorpio along reigning Miss, Mokha Montrese, is looking with Buff Faye and BethAnn Phetamine. to make a trip through NC soon to entertain The famous costume contest was held in and be with the kids. I can hardly wait, but I between numbers. Speaking of Buff, that is have to do my part now and get her in touch one busy queen, between her brunches at with some folks, which is easy enough. I am Hartigan’s, doing the shows at downtown’s still in shock over the Crave dessert bar big names that did not and getting ready make finals this year for another party — some usual heavybus. All aboard! hitters, like Sasha Other conValentino, Tamisha tests taking place Iman and the dancing recently include diva, Josephine O’Hara the first prelim to Andrews. There’s Miss NC EOY, Miss always a surprise if Dragula — Envee you’re paying attenSinz won and tion! I remember runRose Jackson ning into Chilli Pepper, was 1st RU. Envee your very first Miss, as also just won I was leaving town that the Warehouse day — she proudly Witch contest with showed me a pic of Marina LaFeverz her modeling this as 1st RU. Paisley gorgeous fur that cost Parque crowned almost a half million Dy’Mond Cartier dollars and mentioned the second Miss that she’d recently Global Glam Plus been to the White with runners-up House for dinner. Don’t Alexis and Neely forget — Miss Chilli is O’Hara. Jessica the toast of the town Jade just recently and the Obamas did won the Queen call Chicago home of Clubs conThe newly crowned Miss Unlimited Arabia before moving to 1600 test, also held at Knight-Addams of High Point, NC. Pennsylvania Avenue. Warehouse 29. Don’t hate — congratulate! Her RU was Malaya Chanel Iman. In other In local pageants, we have a new Miss news, the Queen City NC U.S.ofA. prelim that Legends — former Miss America, Luscious, I mentioned that I’d be at last time has been Her runners-up were Lindsay Starr and changed and Miss Della will have to miss Cierra Nichole. I forgot to mention in the last it, but I told the promoter that I would make Rag that Tia Douglas made an appearance at good on getting her news out — it will now this last Miss Hide-A-Way and was looking be at Gastonia’s Night Owls on Dec. 3. great, I’m told, and also that Angelica Bauer In closing, it is with heavy heart that judged, which is somewhat unusual, as formI dedicate this column to a diva if there ers do not typically sit on the panel. Glad they ever was one — former Miss Continental, had her there. Angelica is still stitching away Cherine Alexander. I never had the privilege for the girls and her work is better than ever. of meeting her before her recent passing, My friend Carmendy (or the artist formerly but if you’ve seen the old tapes, you know known as) was in Charleston not too long they used to beat the walls when she’d ago and tells me she saw a great show income out, much like they do now for Erica cluding Patty O’Furniture, Chyna and former Andrews or Chanel Dupree. A fallen star, a NC U.S.ofA. at Large Coco Couture who now risen angel as the saying goes. Show owner makes her home in Atlanta. and founder Jim Flint shared with me that I had a chance a few weeks ago to Cherine was originally from Honolulu, HI, attend Miss Oktoberfest at Babylon in where she was a graduate of McKinley High Salisbury and what a pageant it was. Rowan School and captain of the swimming team, County natives Jamie Monroe and Kysha L. moving to Chicago in 1975. She was one of Wellington were in the show, in addition to the greatest and admired entertainers that Cinnamen St. James. They were joined by had ever worked at the Baton Show Lounge Brionna Davis, Devonte Jackson and a lovely and certainly a former Miss Continental that queen named Bella Jade (my first time seewill be talked about forever. Cremation was ing her). Big Shirli “Painted As Ever” Stevenz her request and her ashes were to be buried won. My little sis Brandonna Dupri was 1st with or alongside her partner, Phil, who RU and Jayda Cline was 2nd RU. Many nights preceeded her in death. : : later, I saw Brandonna in a show at Central info: Drop me a line, OK? Station along with Janice Covington, Brooke TheTeaMissD@yahoo.com

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

STAGE

‘White Christmas’ escape

‘White Christmas’ tapper Matthew Kirk dishes on his training, his musical and its holiday messages to audiences by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

The holidays are here. Thanksgiving is over and you’re still full of turkey (or tofu), but that doesn’t mean you can stop. The holidays are here! And, it’s time to get out and see all the beautiful, wintry sights. That includes holiday classics like Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas.” The musical, based on the hit 1945 film staring Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, includes many of the Christmas favorites you’ve come to know by heart. The production hits Charlotte’s Blumenthal Performing Arts Center Dec. 7-12. qnotes got the chance to speak briefly with “White Christmas” ensemble member Matthew Kirk. In his 20s, Kirk has been performing musical theater since he was child, and was cast in the original Broadway production of the musical.

So, you’re in Hartford, Conn., right now? Yeah. And, you all started Nov. 9 in Greenville, S.C.? Actually, we started the tour in Atlanta and previewed it in Chattanooga. So, Greenville was the third city in the tour. Where are you originally from? I’m originally from Houston and Oklahoma City. When were you first introduced to theater, and when did you know this was something you wanted for a career? My mom put me into a performing arts academy for kids when I was seven. She could see I had a flare for acting and performing and it was what just came natural to me. I loved it. I started taking voice lessons and later on dance and put the all together and decided musical theatre was really what I wanted to do. Did you go to college for theater? Yeah, I went to the Cincinnati Conservatory of Music for musical theatre and graduated in 2004 and moved directly to New York and started auditioning. What was the first musical or show you auditioned for and was cast in? I auditioned for a lot of shows, but the first one I was cast in was out of New York, a production of “Beauty and the Beast” that played at the Fox Theater in Atlanta. It’s actually the same producer who is producing this tour. You performed with the North Carolina Theatre in Raleigh. What for? I was in the ensemble of “Wizard of Oz.” I think it was the summer of 2006. It was a quick gig, just three weeks. Did you get a chance to go out and see any bit of Raleigh? We didn’t get out that much. There wasn’t that much time and we shared rental cars (laughs). So, it wasn’t easy to go out and explore, especially with no one to lead me around or show me where I was going. So, life on the road isn’t always glamorous is it?

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

It depends on the city you’re in. If you’re in a city and you have everything you need within walking distance and a good public transportation system it can be great. But, if you are in a city where everything is far away from your hotel and you are sharing a rental car with four other people, it can be pretty unglamorous. I’ve seen the film “White Christmas,” and it is great and wonderful, but I’ve always thought of it as quite dated. What exactly drew you to the musical?

It is dated (laughs), but I was mostly drawn to it because of its choreographer, Randy Skinner. I’m a tapper, and “White Christmas” is a big tap show. I’d seen “42nd Street” on Broadway and I loved his choreography. I wanted to do it, but it closed before I got to New York. I found out Randy Skinner was the choreographer for “White Christmas” and that they needed a tap dancers. I’m a tap dancer and I really wanted to be a in a big tap show. You are part of the ensemble, but have you played any other

roles or characters in your other tours? I’ve always been in the ensemble of the show, but every year my specialties change a bit. Everyone in the ensemble gets a featured bit here and there, like a line or a feature dance part. Every year, my role in the ensemble changes slightly but never really drastically. Is there a difference between being one of the main characters and being part of the ensemble? Is one better than the other, or just different in some ways? I wouldn’t say one is better than the other. When you’re playing a character, though, you have a bigger role and are much more a part of the story telling. The ensemble does more dancing and singing. What do you think is special about White Christmas? Is it pure entertainment or does it send another message to audiences? I think the show has a spirit of generosity in its message and story. I think it’s mainly a heartwarming spectacle. You enjoy the songs and dances, but there is a heart to it and a message of generosity. With the economy so bad, and with the holidays rolling around, a lot of people are having it tough. Do you think a show like “White Christmas” gives people inspiration or gives people an escape from whatever reality they are living? I think “White Christmas” is pure escapist entertainment and it is a way to get your mind off all the crazy things going on in our world and just enjoy the beautiful music and dances. What other shows or types of shows do you foresee doing in your future? I really feel like I fit well in traditional, classical musical theatre, but I’m really wanting to play more roles and get into film and TV as well. I’ve done musicals my whole life. I’d done some film as a kid and I’d like to get back there and start as an adult getting my feet wet again in film. Well, if “Glee” is ever looking for tap dancers, will you audition? Of course! (laughs) That would be really fun. : :

Community passings Media pioneers Robert Freese, Dean Gaskey and community leader Vickie Williford Robert J. Freese, Jr. Robert Freese, who passed away at age 61 in October, is best remembered as publisher and editor of Charlotte Free Press, the first LGBT newspaper in Charlotte and thought to be the first such paper in North Carolina. Free Press, established in 1975, was published every other week and documented early and historic LGBT victories in North Carolina and nationally. Sustained news coverage included candidate and later-President Jimmy Carter’s promises to and interactions with the LGBT community. In the late 1970s, Robert and his brother opened Josh’s, the city’s first gay restaurant, which operated for nearly 10 years on East Blvd. Robert later owned RJ Publishing and McGregors, a garden shop. Robert also served in the Army as a helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War. Friend Greg Brafford, owner of Woodshed Lounge, said Robert was a good person with a dry sense of humor. “He helped out a lot of people who needed help over the years,” Brafford said. “He did a lot for Charlotte.” A couple years ago, Brafford, who had a

CLT Poll continued from page 18

identity/expression.” In 2009, the Mecklenburg County Board of Commissioners passed domestic partner health benefits for employees and their same-sex partners. This March, Charlotte’s city manager expanded city employment non-discrimination policies to include “sexual orientation.” In December, Mayor Anthony Foxx is slated to hold an open forum with LGBT citizens at the Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte, a first for the city. Despite those few progressive steps, Charlotte remains behind-the-curve when it comes to issues of LGBT equality when compared to other North Carolina cities and towns. Durham and Raleigh, for example, passed “sexual orientation”-inclusive non-discrimination policies in 1987 and 1988, respectively, by public, on-the-record votes of their city councils. Small towns like Bessemer City and Boone have included at least “sexual orientation” in their policies for years. Charlotte also has yet to expand health benefits coverage to employees’ same-sex partners. Several towns, cities and counties across the state have already made such moves. Charlotte also ranked lowest in openness to gays and lesbians when compared to three other cities grouped with Charlotte as “very high urban — large population” areas. Those metro areas included Palm Beach, Fla., St. Paul, Minn., and San Jose, Calif. Loflin said survey conductors are often less interested in city-to-city comparisons than are most cities and community members. She added, however, that concerns regarding openness were among the top-most concerns among all 25 participating cities. Other top concerns included social offerings and aesthetics. The poll randomly surveyed a total 43,000 residents by phone in 26 cities and their metro areas where brothers John S. and James L. Knight owned newspapers. Knight Ridder, Inc., formerly owned The Charlotte Observer. A total of 1,000 Charlotte metro area residents were surveyed in 2010. Other cities surveyed included Columbia, S.C., Detroit, Philadelphia and Myrtle Beach, S.C. : :

copy of each of Robert’s Free Press editions, donated all of his copies to the LGBT collections at Duke University’s library. Vickie Booth Williford On Nov. 5, 2010, community leader Vickie Williford lost a long battle with breast cancer. A nurse anesthetist and employee of Carolina Anesthesia Associates, Vickie was also involved in the LGBT community, including as a member of the Charlotte Business Guild and Circle Up Team for Race for the Cure. Vickie is survived by her partner, Sheryl Manning, and mother, Dr. Jane Knight. Vickie, a mother, had a son and a daughter. Dean Alan Gaskey Dean Gaskey, 57, died Nov. 17, 2010, succumbing to a years-long battle with kidney cancer. A native of Kannapolis and former member of the National Press Photographers Association, Dean was a former employee of The Charlotte Observer and several Charlottearea television stations. During the late 1970s and most of the 1980s, Dean was a fixture in Charlotte’s gay bars, offering a willing ear to anyone who needed to share problems and joys ranging from parental rejection to budding romance. In the 1980s, Dean became a part owner of qnotes. He served as the second editor of the publication from Jan. 1988-May 1989. A celebration and scattering of ashes will be held on Dec. 5, 2 p.m. at Trinity Lutheran Church, 3747 Trinity Church Rd., in Concord. — Don King contributed.

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

by brett webb-mitchell :: qnotes contributor

College application letter It is the season for high school seniors to begin thinking seriously about applying for college or university admissions. Grades from years’ past, all the activities of students engaged in — from student government and plays, to sports and civic service credits — are being counted. Credit for these activities are neatly placed into application forms. SAT and ACT tests are taken at least once, if not twice. And, letters of reference are being gathered, proof of a student’s ability to relate well with adults. And, then there is the letter for application to the college or university’s office of admission. Having worked in institutions of higher education as a faculty member, I know that this is often the “make or break” for many high school seniors: if the essay is interesting and novel, standing out from among the pack of

other applicants, even students with lower GPAs have a shot in some schools for high achievers…or, at least, that’s the hope. This hope was recently discovered when I found out that my son’s college-university essay is about growing up with a gay dad. Like his sister before him, his essay is about the joys and challenges of growing up with a gay dad. My daughter’s essay detailed the interaction she had with a family member who attends an evangelical church and is opposed to the ordination of gays and lesbians in ministerial positions. In gentle prose, my daughter carefully outlined the conversation, sticking up for dear ol’ dad. She ended her letter with the acknowledgement that she is a stronger person, a person whose very character embodies both charity and honesty. My son’s essay is different: he and I play the dance of male egos in a culture that demands that we, who are men, are naturally competitive and tout our masculinity in ways that keeps us apart. Individuation is a must in order to survive and more importantly, thrive. His essay speaks of the challenge of living with a dad whom he loves, who happens to be gay, in a culture of

high school machismo, in which being gay is not a virtue among his peers. An athlete, with charisma oozing from every pore of his skin, a natural-born leader, active in student government, a willing volunteer for those in need, high school culture has been challenging for him with his gay dad. As he has said to me numerous times, “You don’t know what it’s like to have a gay dad in high school!” He is correct. The burden that he carries is not one that I shouldered. I am quiet. I am learning from him about the joys and challenges of having a dad who is daily news, gay. He is my teacher. blog posts I am his student. And, and lgbt that has made all the difference. community I think he’ll be fine event in college. Much of listings what he has learned that will bode him well he learned not in high Sign up for school per se, but from our weekly the great classroom e-newsletter: of life well and deeply goqnotes.com/subs lived…especially with a dad who is gay. : :

goqnotes.com

on being a gay parent

qomunity qonexions u

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

tell trinity

a maid or a therapist because (repeat after me) “You are my boyfriend, not my responsibility.” (My cartoon can give you some guidance.)

by trinity :: qnotes contributor

It’s all a numbers game! Dear Trinity, As an American living in Montreal, I’m finding gay men not nearly as friendly here as in the States. How do I get these self-absorbed gays to talk and/or eventually date me? The French DisConnection Montreal, QC Dear DisConnected, Living in a foreign country often creates cultural dilemmas. But, in any country meeting potential dates is still a one in 10 “numbers game.” That’s right, sweetie, even if nine froggies are shocked off their lily pads because one American is a little pushy about finding that one French prince, don’t be afraid! Just be your good ole, friendly American self. Hey, they have free health care, they can handle it! Hey Trinity, My boyfriend’s great, but he is so needy, it’s often overwhelming. How do I tell him that sometimes he’s too much? Too Much, Austin, TX Hey Too Much, Most men are needy! Maybe it’s the milk! So, lets have you open a bottle of wine together, make a few toasts and then, pumpkin, let him know that it’s time to hire himself a secretary,

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

Hello Trinity, Recently, I dated a woman who introduced me to another woman shortly before we broke up. This woman has now been asking me out. I feel guilty knowing she knows my ex who also introduced us. Help! Guilty, Green Bay, WI Hello Guilty, If you both like each other and at least one month has passed after the breakup, then as a single woman there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go out with her. Honey, it’s not like she’s your ex’s ex…or is she? Dearest Trinity, My boyfriend of 11 months recently dumped me via the phone. Doesn’t anyone in the gay world realize just how much work goes into a relationship? Isn’t it unfair? Unfair, Boulder, CO Dearest Unfair, You mean after 11 months on one full moon the phone rings and he says, “You’re not what I wanted.” And, puff, you’re left alone to think, “What, after all this you’re ending it on the phone?” That’s when it’s time to send: Trinity’s In-Your-Face Reasons Why You Must Be Present With Someone When Breaking Up With Them (Especially After A Month)

1. Because I waited patiently for your calls, emails, late

arrivals, early departures and your endless voicemails. 2. Because I cooked you dinner, lunch and breakfast and ate 15 of your weird concoctions just because you asked me to. 3. Because I helped move your old stove, old boxes, old tires and old relatives, besides fixing your toilet, stove, air conditioner and your hairpiece. 4. Because I woke up early, went to bed late, changed my plans, my times and my own work schedule just to fit yours. 5. Because I listened to your infinite complaints about work, family, life and politics plus listened to your music, watched your TV shows and went to your family outings, never mind listening to you burp, fart, sneeze and snore. 6. Because I dealt with your smoking, drinking, shyness and jealousy, besides your addictions to late-night eating, insecurity, work and “Sex In The City.” 7. Because I went to bad movies, loud concerts, lousy plays and boring art openings just because you asked me to. 8. Because I massaged your tired back, wiped your crying eyes, cleaned your dirty house and washed your smelly laundry. 9. Because I tried tirelessly to say, feel and do the right thing, wear the right clothes and sleep in the right position while never complaining once! 10. Lastly, because I let you teach me, train me, manipulate me and persuade me into believing how much you loved, cherished and cared about me. That’s why you need to be there when you break up with me! : : — With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity was host of “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama, and now performs globally. info: www.telltrinity.com . Trinity@telltrinity.com Tell Trinity, P.O. Box 23861 . Ft. Lauderdale, FL 33307 Sponsored by: Provincetown Business Guild 800-637-8696 . www.ptown.org

out in the stars by charlene lichtenstein :: qnotes contributor

November 27 - December 10 Welcome December and the array of planets that dance in and out of Capricorn and Sagittarius. Let the energies flow as easily as the egg nog. Santa wants to know if you’ve been naughty or nice. Think before responding — you know sometime naughties get the better gift. SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) Can money buy happiness? You’re tempted to buy gifts galore now. Gay Archers may alienate partners with their mercenary meanderings if they exceed the spending limit. Demonstrate your devotion in time for the New Year’s festivities or risk spending that evening with your auntie instead of your sugar daddy or red hot momma. CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) This is the perfect time to reconnect with friends and get involved in group activities. Pink Caps are going through a transitional phase in their careers and can gain great insight and direction from others during this tumultuous time. Money is a source of surprises and excess. Try to rein it in so you have enough dough for some really expensive champagne. AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine. Isn’t that the way things work? Aqueerians learn the hard way that the more they give the more they get. Karmic compensation demands that you dedicate holiday time to improving conditions in our community. I suspect that all your good gay deeds will be amply rewarded. No, not with cold cash, dear. PISCES (02.20-03.20) Guppies may experience a spark of romance on the job now. But, beware of hanging around under the mistletoe at the office party. It may sweep you off your feet and cloud your better judgment. There are a few hidden things that demand inspection and clarification. Look before you leap, however. Then, if the world is still your oyster, slurp it up! ARIES (03.21-04.20) Gay Rams might be on the verge of a major professional breakthrough. Grab for the corner office as new opportunities present themselves. Try to take a calculated risk. You may experience a temporary financial zetz in the process, but it is worth the cost. Often, giving up a little on the front end reaps bigger rewards on the back end, or so they say. TAURUS (04.21-05.21) Travel may have its challenges, but don’t let these small bumps in the road run you off the highway. The next weeks promise to be a time to remember for queer Bulls with a bawdy sense of adventure. I predict either a randy Roman holiday with a few young buckaroos or an unforgettable evening with “roaming Randy” that costs a few buckaroos. Whatta choice! GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Pink Twins may be faced with the daunting task of having to choose between the tried and true or the new and exciting in love. Which way will your heart and your other parts go? The fates spur you to an ultimate decision by electrifying your every word and creating monumental changes in your life with every slip of the tongue. Hmmm, do tell! CANCER (06.22-07.23) An old broom sweeps clean for all meticulous gay Crabs. You secretly yearn for changes in your home life and are now ready to take action. Whether this means a change of residential venue or a frank discussion with a certain family member, is up to you. Whatever project you undertake, tackle it sooner than later. After that, it’s party time and domestic harmony be damned. LEO (07.24-08.23) Most of the upcoming time period seems to revolve around your job, but even plucky, proud Lions can’t concentrate on the day-to-day for long. Finish up old projects

and close out the old year. Then draw your attention to mergers and acquisitions…in partnerships. If you are still trawling for a big catch, use this time to bait your hook and stick your pole in the water. Feel a nibble? VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Anything having to do with creative pastimes should be pursued with vigor. Transformative, personal changes take place as your great, gay muse goes into overdrive. Queer Virgins capture the imaginations of millions, but may be reined in by time constraints between work and play. Remember that sometimes even divas must scrub the bathroom and do laundry. LIBRA (09.24-10.23) Even though your selfconfidence might have taken a bit of a beating, gay Libras are full of plucky holiday spirit. Good luck is at hand throughout the month, so ring Out with the old and chime in with the new! Clear away the cosmic debris and welcome the new year like a newborn babe — with a bottle in your mouth and in need of a change of underwear. SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) Queer Scorps manage to party hearty this party-hearty season. You’re destined to make a big social splash so dress appropriately (no cellophane underwear unless requested…). At the same time, there may be a few stones tossed in your job path. Keep up on the day-to-day so you don’t get bouldered over or dissipated. But, getting stoned might be an option. : : © 2010 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Entertainment. info: Visit www.TheStarryEye.com for e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

Center forum with Mayor Anthony Foxx Dec. 9 • Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte Following the successful open forum with Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Chief Rodney Monroe, Charlotte Mayor Anthony Foxx comes to the center to speak to the LGBT community, take questions and address concerns. The event, free and open to the public, begins at 7 p.m. 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11. For more information, visit gaycharlotte.com.

Dec. 1-18 • Charlotte Every Christmas story Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte will host the regional debut of “Every Christmas Story Ever Told.” In the same vein as The Reduced Shakespeare Company’s abridged plays, this hilarious new classic crams a season’s worth of stories, carols and TV specials into an evening of never-ending laughs! Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte, 650 E. Stonewall St. Various dates and times. Various prices. 704-342-2251, x21. actorstheatrecharlotte.org. Dec. 2 • Carrboro HearNC awards HearNC, a new arts organization, will present the inaugural HearNC Music Video Award Ceremony and Festival. In addition to awards, the evening will include live performances by powerhouse singer, Bibis Ellison and improvisational dance troupe, Flashback. In honor of the first music video played on MTV, there will also be a reenactment of The Buggle’s “Video Killed the Radio Star” video. Cat’s Cradle, 300 E. Main St. hearnc.com. Dec. 3-4 • Charlotte Shine Your Light Charlotte’s One Voice Chorus presents their holiday concert, “Shine Your Light.” Kick off the holidays in style with friends, family, fun and song. Unitarian Universalist Church of Charlotte, 234 N. Sharon Amity Rd. Dec. 3, 7:30 p.m., $20/general, $15/students. Dec. 4, 2 p.m., $15/general, $10/student. Dec. 4, 7:30 p.m., $20/general, $15/student. onevoicechorus.com. Dec. 3-4 • Charlotte Magic of Christmas The Charlotte Symphony presents a concert full of your traditional holiday favoritees, with guest appearances from the Oratorio Singers

of Charlotte, Charlotte Children’s Choir, Ivey Handbell Ringers and Noel Freidline Trio. Various Times. Various Prices. 704-972-2000. charlottesymphony.org. Dec. 3-5 • Charlotte LeatherFET 2010 A weekend-long leather and fetish lifestyle event with contests, classes, vendors and parties. A silent auction to benefit House of Mercy will be held. For more information or to register, visit leatherfet.com. Dec. 4 • Charlotte Employment Boot Camp The Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte presents a special “LGBT Employment Boot Camp,” with tips, tricks, workshops and seminars for beating the economic downturn and getting back to work. Attendance and lunch are free, but registration is required at employmentbootcamp.org. Lesbian & Gay Community Center of Charlotte, 820 Hamilton St., Suite B11. 704-333-0144. gaycharlotte.com. Dec. 4 • Greensboro Where the Heart is Triad Pride Men’s Chorus presents “Where the Heart is,” their annual holiday concert. Greensboro Day School Sloan Theatre, 5401 Lawndale Dr. 8 p.m. $15/advance. $20/door. 336-589-6267. triadpridemenschorus.org. Dec. 5 • Durham Warmest Wishes Triangle Pride Men’s Chorus presents their annual holiday concert, “Warmest Wishes.” Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Durham, 4907 Garrett Rd. 3 p.m. tgmchorus.org. Dec. 8-19 • Raleigh Art Tatum Doc Hanley, a Harlem jazz club owner, remi-

we want your who/what/where

nisces about the jazz greats who played his hotspot including his good friend, Art Tatum. As Hanley spins colorful yarns about the good old days, a custom-built, state-of-the-art piano performs more than a dozen Tatum songs from one of the most revered jazz recordings ever made, “Piano Starts Here.” This one-man show is a time-travel journey back to the days of smoky juke joints, cutting contests, and blistering hot jazz. Kennedy Theatre, 2 E. South St. 919-831-6011. zenph.com/art-tatum-piano-starts-here. Dec. 10-11 • Charlotte All On A Winter Night The Gay Men’s Chorus of Charlotte and Charlotte Pride Band join forces to present a special holiday extravaganza. St. Martin’s Episcopal Church, 1510 E. 7th St. 8:04 p.m. $15. gmccharlotte.org. Dec. 11 • Charlotte Twirl to the World Just Twirl hosts their annual “Twirl to the World” dance party with DJ David Marc returning for a second year. A portion of proceeds will benefit Time Out Youth. Tickets, event locations and other details available at justtwirl.com. Dec. 11 • Charlotte Men of Petra’s Petra’s continues its ongoing Men of Petra’s contests, this time narrowing the field from the top eight to the final four. Petra’s Piano Bar and Cabaret, 1919 Commonwealth Ave. 10 p.m. 704-332-6608. petraspianobar.com. Dec. 11 • Raleigh Warmest Wishes Triangle Pride Men’s Chorus presents a second performance of their annual holiday concert, “Warmest Wishes.” Unitarian

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arts. entertainment. news. views. Universalist Fellowship of Raleigh, 3313 Wade Ave. 8 p.m. tgmchorus.org. Dec. 11 • Winston-Salem Where the Heart is Triad Pride Men’s Chorus presents a second performance of “Where the Heart is,” their annual holiday concert. UNC School of the Arts Watson Chamber Music Hall, 1533 S. Main St. 8 p.m. $15/advance. $20/door. 336-589-6267. triadpridemenschorus.org. Dec. 16 • Charlotte Messiah The Charlotte Symphony and Oratorio Singers present their annual production of Handel’s “Messiah,” from “For Unto Us a Child is Born” to the “Hallelujah Chorus.” Knight Theater. 7:30 p.m. Various Prices. 704-972-2000. charlottesymphony.org. Dec. 16 • Asheville Ave Maria Asheville’s Cantaria presents their annual holiday concert, “Ave Maria.” Location and time to be announced. Visit cantariaasheville. org or check back in with next issue’s Q Events Calendar for more. Dec. 21 • Charlotte Messiah The Charlotte Symphony and Oratorio Singers present their annual production of Handel’s “Messiah,” from “For Unto Us a Child is Born” to the “Hallelujah Chorus.” Knight Theater. 7:30 p.m. Various Prices. 704-972-2000. charlottesymphony.org.

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Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010

qnotes

Nov. 27-Dec. 10 . 2010