In the eyes of a child

BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

My niece is 6 years old. She and I share a pretty special bond. I’m lucky that I get to have her stay with me when her parents are working and travel with me pretty much anywhere I go. Our most recent road trip was from Long Beach, California back to Salt Lake City. As is the case with most of our road trips she talks away, unapologetically, sharing insights from her young mind.

On this particular day, after having attended both Long Beach Pride and Salt Lake City Pride, she was expressing her thoughts about it all. I had bought the book This Day In June by Gayle E. Pitman for her a month or so prior to Pride to educate her on why we celebrate. I must interject here: children are far more observant and accepting than most adults give them credit.

Our house in Long Beach is located along the parade route and every year we have a party on the porch as the parade goes by. We play music, serve donuts and mimosas, and the crowd that shows up is a mixture of people we know and people who just happen to be passing by and decide to stay while the parade goes on.

This year my niece, overcoming her shyness and now after having read up on the event, was feeling full of knowledge and confidently took hold of the microphone. Happily, she called out to parade-goers as they pranced by in their most festive attire. She had no hesitation (or prompting for that matter) in telling people what she was thinking as they passed. “You look like a beautiful princess!” “I love your makeup!” “Keep dancing!” And as members of the leather contingent passed by: “Here come the Puppies!”

To anyone walking past who happened to look her way she would say (into the microphone of course) “Happy Pride!” To her delight she would more often than not get a “Happy Pride” back.

So as we’re driving along she shares her thoughts out loud with me. Quite matterof-fact she states: “You know that boys can love boys and girls can love girls?” I nod while she continues: “Some people love both at the same time. I saw that at Pride you know.”

I continue to nod. “But I can love whoever I want to too so I’m gonna love Draco Malfoy.” Being 6 and a Harry Potter fan this sounds reasonable to me. She continues: “But did you know that if I want I can love other people too and not just Draco Malfoy? Like I can even marry a girl when I grow up!” I’m smiling by now while she’s talking knowingly, as though educating me on the topic.

As she sits back and goes back to playing with her etch-a-sketch I find myself overcome with a feeling of hope that the world ahead for this beautiful soul is one of acceptance; and that relationship configurations in all their complexities and sexual orientations in all their diversity can become commonplace.

I am only 50. I feel young still. And yet, only 50 years ago there were no Pride festivities. I knew of only one gay person when I was growing up, and of course he was talked about and bullied by every other classmate of ours in every derogatory way imaginable. Thirty-six years we’ve been friends and I’ve witnessed him suffer a lot at the hateful hand of others and yet I’ve never known anyone who holds their head higher. People, like him, who fight for their right to authenticity are what make it possible for my niece to contemplate her own future of who and how to love without second guessing herself.

“Aunt Laurie, can I say Happy Pride all the time?” She asks. “I don’t see why not” I reply. Followed by asking her to tell me more. In the purest way that only a child can speak, she says: “Because when I say it people say it back to me – like Merry Christmas. But it means people get to love whoever they want and I like that because I want to love whoever I want too.” Then, making a face that only means she’s making a big decision, she firmly states: “I decided that Pride is the BEST holiday!”

If we could all see the world through the accepting eyes of a child.

Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist and maintains private practices in both Salt Lake City and Long Beach, Calif. Welcoming and affirming of all gender identities, all sexual orientations and all relationship configurations – She can be reached at DrLauriebennettCook@ gmail.com or on Meetup though her organization Sex Positive Utah – a social group for sex education, discussion and social interaction.