Brett Kavanaugh

BY DANNE WITKOWSKI

I am sure by now you have heard the devastating news about Brett Kavanaugh, a credibly-accused sexual assaulter/Supreme Court Justice/man who likes beer.

It’s hard for me to even write this. But you need to hear it. On July 6, Kavanaugh was dining at a restaurant called Morton’s The Steakhouse in Washington D.C. He was minding his own business, just trying to eat some steak tartare (I actually don’t know what he was eating, but steak tartare sounds expensive and gross, so) when protesters gathered outside the restaurant.

These protesters were/are mad that Kavanaugh recently helped overturn Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that said that, yes, abortion is a right and the government can’t just go rooting around in uteruses and private parts.

Kavanaugh, of course, thinks that what goes on inside of a uterus is totally the government’s business and that the most personal of health care and life decisions should be left up to the whims of the white, cisgender, misogynist, heterosexual Republican men who comprise way too many of our legislators. Guys like, you know, him.

Anyway, the protesters, who clearly have no respect for the incredibly personal decision of when and where to eat steak tartare, demanded that the manager of the restaurant kick Kavanaugh’s ass out.

As I am sure you can imagine, this was absolutely devastating to Kavanaugh who, according to Politico, “did not hear or see the protesters and ate a full meal but left before dessert.”

I want you to read that again: Just because he was instrumental in a decision to strip away a fundamental right that has been in place since 1973 — a right that is supported by the vast majority of Americans — and just because that decision will result in very real harm to pregnant people and leave essential health care up to the whim of state legislators, some of which are working on legislation to not only completely ban abortion but to also prevent their residents from crossing state lines in order to access abortion care, just because of THAT, Kavanaugh had to leave using the back door and was unable to order dessert.

What is this country coming to when a powerful white man who uses that power to cause real, measurable harm to the majority of the population can’t even enjoy a Morton’s Legendary Sundae ($19 and 2,230 calories) in peace?

Morton’s was, understandably, very upset. In a statement, they whined that “Honorable Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh and all of our other patrons at the restaurant were unduly harassed by unruly protestors while eating dinner at our Morton’s restaurant. Politics, regardless of your side or views, should not trample the freedom at play of the right to congregate and eat dinner. There is a time and place for everything. Disturbing the dinner of all of our customers was an act of selfishness and void of decency.”

You tell ‘em, Morton’s! And thankfully none of the employees of your 56 U.S. locations are of child-bearing age or ability! Whew! Close one.

Following Morton’s Kavanaugh kerfuffle, Chasten Buttigieg, husband of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, tweeted, “Sounds like he just wanted some privacy to make his own dining decisions.” GET IT? You get it. And, because we live in a nightmare upside-down world, Pete Buttigieg was asked about the appropriateness of his husband’s tweet by Fox News host Mike Emanuel.

“Since I’ve been alive, settled case law in the United States has been that the Constitution protected the right to privacy and that has now been thrown out the window by justices, including Justice Kavanaugh, who as I recall, swore up and down in front of God and everyone including the United States Congress that they were going to leave settled case law alone,” Buttigieg responded, because he is a professional grownup. “So yes, people are upset. They’re going to exercise their First Amendment rights.” Emanuel tried several times to cut in, but Buttigieg just kept talking.

“Remember, the justice never even came into contact with these protesters, reportedly didn’t see or hear them,” he said. “And these protesters are upset because a right, an important right that the majority of Americans support was taken away.”

I am 100% OK with every justice who voted to overturn Roe v. Wade never being able to eat a meal in peace in a restaurant ever again. And for them to NEVER EVER get dessert for the rest of their lives.

Anyway, in closing, fuck Brett Kavanaugh.

D’Anne Witkowski is a writer living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBTQ+ politics for nearly two decades. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

ILLUSTRATION BY DONKEYHOTEY