Plan-B's 'EllaMental' is an ode to kids with 'big feelings'

“EllaMental,” created specifically for grades 4–6, centers on Ella, a Black, twelve-year-old sixth-grader struggling to make sense of her big feelings from the pandemic — grief, loss, fear, and anger — in a post-COVID world.

BY DEE-DEE DARBY-DUFFIN

“Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” — David Augsburger

Years ago, I was a teacher of third graders. It was the most incredible and exhausting endeavor I had ever embarked upon. For five years, I was responsible for the molding of minds, for the care of our most precious resources. As a Black teacher with a minority-majority classroom in a very, very white state, I did not take that lightly.

I saw kids with big emotions “going through something” that didn’t have the language to tell me, or anyone else, what they were going through.

I learned that you can’t teach a kid who is hungry. I started each school day making sure everyone had had breakfast. I always had food for those who hadn’t in my desk.

I learned that you can’t get good behavior from a child who has been punished simply for being. A lot of older kids with “behavior issues” were brought to my classroom instead of the principal’s office. I didn’t have any more classroom management training than my colleagues, but what I did that was different was offer a safe space. I gave these students language so they could decipher what they were feeling. I allowed them to express those feelings without judgment or punishment. I became their ally.

I learned to listen and I know for a fact that every student who passed through my classroom knew they were seen and heard and loved.

ELLAMENTAL is an ode to those young people.

We rarely ask children to express themselves when they are experiencing pain. We want to see joyful, gleefully laughing children. Adults don’t always listen to children who are “going through something.” We end up asking them to bury their feelings with our silence.

I co-taught a three-month Plan-B playwriting residency for K-6 students in the spring of 2022. Experiencing firsthand the academic and social delays and the related “big feelings” and “behavior issues” made me wonder what it was like to have entered the lockdown in third or fourth grade and return to in-person school in fifth or sixth grade. Because every one of these kids was “going through something.”

And then came the commission to create a children’s play.

I wanted to give voice to children with “behavior issues,” who often aren’t asked what they think or feel about the world around them. I specifically wanted to write about Black children because they are the most demonized in public school settings. I was that little Black girl who felt unseen and unheard. I was lucky enough to find teachers (or did they find me?) who were able to see me and all of my heartache and offer me a life raft, a place to put all that was bottled up inside of me.

Mrs. Shepard (4th grade) introduced me to prose/poetry competitions.

She picked me up during the summer to drive me to the competitions (back when students could ride in teachers’ cars).

Mrs. Varnadore (7th grade English) taught me how to read Shakespeare. I still remember Hamlet’s “To Be or Not to Be” soliloquy.

Mrs. West (12th grade English) taught me how to stand up for myself.

I know that if I want to see myself reflected on stage, I have to write the stories. I know that if I want to offer solace and solutions for Black pain, I have to utilize every platform available to me.

Listening is how I showed my classroom and my own children love.

Writing is my advocacy.

I hope students see themselves in Ella and find their Mrs. Shephard-Vamadore-West.

Being able to write a play that speaks to young people and the things they are going through is one of the greatest privileges of my life, and I do not take that lightly.

Actor and singer Dee-Dee Darby-Duffin has created roles in 15 world premieres at Plan-B Theatre. She has written several short plays for the company and now her play “EllaMental” will serve students in grades 4-6 statewide this entire school year as Plan-B’s 12th annual Free Elementary School Tour. Find details at planbtheatre.org/ ellamental on how to bring “EllaMental” to your school, as well as as two free public performances (Wednesday, September 24 at 4pm at the Day-Riverside Branch of the City Library and Friday, September 26 at 2:30pm at the Kearns Branch of the Salt Lake County Library.