Life without problems by Tadas Talaikis

Life without problems

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

iii

Copyright © 2007 Tadas Talaikis All rights reserved. No part of this book in any form may be reproduced without permission in writing from the author. Cover design © 2007 TLC Graphics, www.TLCGraphics.com Design by Monica Thomas Author Contacts www.talaikis.com Published by BookSurge Publishing www.booksurge.com 1—866—308—6235 Publishers Cataloging in Publication Data ISBN: 1-4196-7818-3 To order additional book copies visit www.booksurge.com

Dedication The book is dedicated to all the people who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like stupid answers to their questions, or sweet nothings about their life. It is dedicated to those who seek extraordinary skills and results, despite the circumstances of their life, and to those who want to know who they can really become.

Contents I. OPENING WORD .............................................. 1 Introduction................................................... 2 Symbols........................................................ 7 II. THE NATURE OF PROBLEMS............................... 8 My 5 problems ................................................ 9 The problemâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nature ...................................... 10 The only reason for problems............................. 13 Correct information ........................................ 17 How to face the problem .................................. 21 Equilibrium................................................... 27 The main purpose of Universe ............................ 38 Decoding life ................................................ 51 Normal communication .................................... 52 Abnormal communication ................................. 54 Even more specific situations ............................. 62 Balancing process ........................................... 71 III. WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS WHAT YOU GET ...............87 Consciousness as a source of problems.................. 88 Opinion becomes belief.................................... 97 It is the way you believe it is ............................101 The observed depends on the observer ................115 Words dictate life..........................................124 IV. FROM WORDS TO EXPERIENCE........................ 128 Anatomy of torture ........................................129 Anatomy of violence.......................................134 How to get rid of anxiety .................................140 vii

How to overcome fear ....................................145 Righteousness ..............................................149 Self—esteem and self—confidence ......................153 Compassion and help......................................157 Stress ........................................................159 The table of survival ......................................161 V. HUMAN POWER AND SKILLS............................ 167 From communication to skills ...........................168 Genesis of skills ............................................174 Anatomy of responsibility ................................180 The power of the past ....................................189 Conflicts.....................................................192 Causality ....................................................200 How to become powerful.................................204 Why people lie .............................................211 VI. POWER AND ITS WORTH ............................... 215 Communication — exchange .............................216 Why do we fail? ............................................222 Wealth and orientation of consciousness ..............226 Multiplication by communication .......................229 Coherence ..................................................232 VII. CLOSING WORD ......................................... 235 “So, is it possible to live without problems?” .........236 The universal recipe.......................................237 Main concepts ..............................................238 My 5 problems and goals..................................241 Any questions?..............................................242

X. INDEX....................................................... 250

viii

I. Opening word

Introduction This is the most important book that you will read in your entire life! This book is a clear and concise representation of my work of seven years; it is presented here in language comprehensible to everyone. The principles enumerated in this book have helped hundreds of people all over the world to solve various problems. The book was written seven years ago, and only a few chosen ones managed to get it, after which they changed their lives completely. The most often question I always get is â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why I have written this book?â&#x20AC;? There are several reasons for this. First of all, the book was written at a time that was not easy for me; I had my business failed, I was living in a remote province in a house that was falling apart, I had no partner in my personal life or money for even proper food. I had quit school a long time ago and I did not fancy working for others. I was fond of communicating with other people and investigating various motives of our actions and reasons for the situations we face in our lives. After long contemplations and observations, and after working with people, I wrote a universal instruction for myself and for others on how to solve lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s various problems. As years went by, more things were added to the instruction, of course. Moreover, it was not mere blunt theory; people contacted me and I gave my knowledge to

them, which guided them and enabled them to change their lives. I followed the principles of this instruction too and, in a couple of years, I changed my life completely. I started a business again, I acquired more skills, I obtained a home in the capital of the country, and I met my wife. This book is basically story of achievement of financial freedom. I was poor, became so called “middle class”, becoming “higher class”. Just few differences between my story and “middle class”: my wife was never forced to work, I never worked for someone else, I was high school dropout and I never owe my apartment and car to bank. While all this was going on, the book was kept untouched in one of my drawers. The second reason, in the beginning of this year I got an idea—what will be left to the others after I’m gone, after all my activities are over? If I died today, I would carry all my ideas with me, no matter how valuable they are. So, I set a goal for myself to finally publish my long— nourished book and share with the world the ideas about how to live without problems even if you are in garbage pile (that was the first title of my book), and how to rise up from that garbage pile into a brand new life. Of course, I had had some odd thoughts about publishing the book before. Many people had tried to convince me to publish. But I either didn’t feel like doing it, or I did not have the time. I had also indirect urges to hurry up, such as the following events. For example, not long ago I and my wife went to the cinema and, by chance, we met a person that I hadn’t seen for almost ten years. Just like ten years ago, he was saying the same things, repeating them all over again, and his greatest achievement was that he was changing his job of being a model in art school and was 3

going to work in a factory. I thought “If you had listened to me then, perhaps now you would have achieved more than me”. Or, one day after a break of some years, an old pen friend dropped me a line and said, “You know, I have found the answer to my quest already.” “Well?”, I said. He says, “The Secret.” Then I asked “So what did your long quest bring you, and do you know that what you think you have found will give nothing to you? Remember, when I gave you answer to all of your questions, you did not believe it, and still went on looking, and now two years have passed wantonly and what have you achieved? Your achievement is that you found something that you had never lost, just like I told you back then.” Where is the secret? Why ones achieve, others—don’t? The only difference is the real knowledge how to do it. The only things you need are guns that shoot well—the secrets how to quickly turn all your problems into nothing and the motivation that pours from your source to act and not just to blab. The third reason is that in my life I’ve read hundreds of self—help and self—development books and most of them, including the books of the most famous authors, were actually worthless. Some of the authors were talking about what to do, and if there was a question “What if I’m too lazy to do this?” they would just answer, “Well, some people are just lazy and if they don’t want to achieve something, they will not achieve anything.” Do such abstract, inexplicit replies show the authors’ knowledge about the essential construction of the world and human being? None of the books solved two essential questions— ”Where does absolutely everything come from in human life, including laziness, anxiety, fear, anger, terror,

wars?” and “How, in a natural way, without self constraint can one change one’s life?” The books gave answers to some questions, totally underestimating other parts of the same equation. The answers like “Well, it’s just the way it is,” or “You can’t change some people,” did not satisfy me. Instructions like “motivate yourself” and “force yourself to do that” did not satisfy me either. OK, motivate yourself; how am I supposed to do it if I do not understand what it is or where the source of any motivation lies? If you don’t know the principles presented in my book, reading feeble self—help books on how to “educate” your important soul with chicken broth you will harm you even more. You will simply stay with what you’ve got and you will never find out who you could have really become. You will be motivated to stay with who you are, but not motivated to act and change your life! Wasn’t it once said “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free?” So, did you learn all the truth after having read all those self—help books? If not, this book is for you. And if you do not find the answer to your problem in this book, just drop me a line and I’ll show you the page that contains the answer. After having read this book you will find it much easier to solve various problems that you face in your life, including problems in your career, in your personal relationships, and all the other spheres of life, because you will know the truth. The book reveals several simple laws that govern our world. If you don’t know them, you will have problems. If you know them—you have less problems. After you read this book, you will know how you came to what you have and what you see around you. Yes, it’s just a few simple laws despite everything looks complicated to us. Decode your life into these sim5

ple ingredients and see that life is simpler and easier than you had thought before, even if you are on the garbage pile of life. No matter how many books you have read or how many lectures you have heard, here you will find something that will change your life today and forever. You will see with your own eyes how your life is changing while reading the book. This is just most important book that you will read in your entire life Read it and change your life. Tadas Talaikis, September 27, 2007

Symbols

0 5

This symbol marks examples taken from real life. Real names and some details of the event may have been changed for to privacy protection.

This symbol marks rules and formulae.

II. The nature of problems

My 5 problems Before you start reading this book, it is necessary that you to list 5 problems starting with the most acute one: 1. _______________________________________ 2. _______________________________________ 3. _______________________________________ 4. _______________________________________ 5. _______________________________________ Also put down 3 goals that you would like to achieve this year: 1. _______________________________________ 2. _______________________________________ 3. _______________________________________

The problem’s nature The river flows towards its goal, the sea, the river reacts naturally to its obstacles. Obstacle shouldn’t be like hardship. This is simply the way it is; so the persistent problem can be defined as any diversion from the state of balance. Balance is the state of peace and harmony. When a person is happy, he is balanced; he is not bothered by too many problems. If they do occur, they are resolved easily, playfully, just by looking at them. A river confronted by a dam naturally rises up, emitting a great uproar, but sooner or later it will still reach its goal. Despite river reaches an obstacle, it does not make that a problem. Does the river lament that it hit a dam? It probably does not because that’s life. Did the river worry about a natural uproar? It probably did not because that’s life. The river simply flows, and squirrels gather nuts for the winter. Such is the natural order in the world.

A problem is deviation from the balanced state.

The balanced state, in any given moment in time, is often impossible; therefore it is said that problems are part of the natural world’s order.

In other words, problems appear when we challenge the natural world’s laws. These incidental or created hardships are just as natural as our mind, which is the source of these challenges. Problems are not bugaboos — they are a part of the natural world’s order. Having minds, we also create various problems and that, too, is a feature of the natural world’s order.

For example, human beings questioned why it was necessary to die from a broken leg during war. They challenged this natural order by creating surgery. However, the creation of something new can also give rise to a problem. That is why surgery, in turn, is only one more area where it is essential to raise tasks and solve them—to have various instruments and chemicals for surgery. Every creation we can call a problem.

The world is a medley whose parts are seeking balance. The human mind is the source of problems which tend to destroy this balance, even as it concurrently tries to achieve it. Every human invention is a problem requiring various solutions and effort, and gives rise to even more problems. At the same time, however, the individual seeks a higher quality of balance. As the common folk would say, one must find a way for the lamb to be whole and the wolf to be satisfied. Analogically, every one of the thoughts generated by our minds is a problem requiring effort, emotions, and even more problems. At the same time, however, all of

our minds are the most powerful quantum computers 1 seeking improved balance on this earth. Balance is never attained because once a certain degree of peace appears, the mind generates a new goal requiring new problem solving. That is how we understand that the mind did not accidentally appear, but emerged as the solution to the very same problemâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;to reach a perfected balance of new problems and solutions. When people are stuck to problems, they are just somewhere resisting natural lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s flow. The first step is to realize that some problems are natural way of life. For example, you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t blame your fortune that you are constrained to live in this world and do various things like eating, drinking and breathing.

Roger Penrose and Stuart Hameroff propose that consciousness involves a Planck scale decoherence of quantum superpositions.

The only reason for problems If, in our example, the dam is considered a problem for the river, then any problem is simply a deviation from the straight course. If the river flowed along its course without meeting a dam, one could say that it had no problems because it did not meet any obstacles or challenges. The straight road, in other words, is the truth, right information; any deviation from the straight road is a lie, distorted, wrong information or evasion.

Problems exist only because of the lack of information or because of wrong (falsified) information.

Let’s suppose that we believe: in order to achieve financial freedom you need to work hard; however, as much as we work, someone will always earn more than us. This is because a small deviation exists in “hard work” belief, for achieving financial freedom it is not the effort, but the wise effort that earns us more. Instead of believing in hard work, change to believing in smart work. We can dig as many regular trenches as we would like but we will not become rich because each person’s time and effort resources are limited. If you want to be-

come rich by quickly digging trenches, you must organize an army of slaves. Or hoping for easy money you can go to the king and ask for ten thousand ducats to purchase a ship and travel plundering the new lands from “barbarians.” Or sit on the oil pipe somewhere in Russia and over a couple of years steal the Earth’s black gold that took millions of years to form. If you want to become rich ethically you have to pay those who dig the trenches for their services. If you love digging trenches, you may want to increase your qualifications or knowledge of trench—digging problems. Thus you can increase the value of the same time and effort, enabling you to earn more and still work a loved job. What differentiates an unfortunate person from a fortunate one, a successful person from an unsuccessful one, is only being informed. A person must have information about his subject. The more fortunate person knows how to solve a problem easily and more accurately. He knows WHAT the problem is; that is why he does not worry when problems appear, and does not worry about natural problems either. A fortunate person is not scared of problems. He or she simply has balance of problems— neither too much, nor too little. An unfortunate person is unfortunate not because of fate, the stars, the gods or any other similar nonsense, but because of his inability to see. For him, a capability to not know appears. First, we should know:

5 14

In order for a problem to exist and to undermine peace, it is necessary for it to have

some unknown part. It may be that the problem itself is absolutely unknown (incomprehensible) or that some parts of the problem are falsely comprehended. There may also be a misunderstanding about the actual problem (problem does not exist or information about it distorted). In short:

5 0

For the problem to exist it must be based on a falsehood.

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s say that a conflict arises with oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wife or husband caused by one of his or her statements. The conflict results in a couple of days without speaking to one another. After that, it becomes clear that they: A. did not understand each other correctly, or B. said something in a way they did not want to say it. Every problem should be evaluated like this: for a problem to exist, a falsehood must be present. Another example is the constant problem of unfaithfulness for one couple. Seen in this way, the constant problem of unfaithfulness is due to some sort of falsehood. Specifically, the unfaithful person is directly lying to herself and/or her partner, that she is worried about him, that he cares about him

and loves him, but the truth is he is simply a one more man to play with. Problems are caused by the unknown, falsehoods to oneself, the falsehoods of other people, and their mistaken beliefs and opinions. Superstitions that appeared, in turn, because of a lack of knowledge, lack of information, or its distortion, are examples of such mistaken beliefs. In essence, falsehood is the same dam obstructing the riverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s flow in its fortunate channel. It undermines the squirrel gathering nuts for the winter. The only thing obstructing our progress toward our goals and having a good life is falsehood.

Someone once lied to a famous actress in her youth by telling her that she was not pretty. This caused her distress all her life, although many years had passed, and she was named the most beautiful woman on the planet. Who created the problem, a problem that was not there? Someoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s falsehood.

A tactless comment, especially one made during a sensitive personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s youth, may cause him or her to seek treatment all their lives. The comment may have been false or was true only in that moment, sometime in the past, but it is not true today.

Correct information If you face difficulties in achieving your goals, or if problems occur because of distorted information, the next reasonable step is to obtain the correct information. There is only one way to solve problems—it’s obtaining the correct information, and:

The only way to learn is communication.

Generally all the actions of a human can be called communication. Every communication cycle has a reason and a consequence.

Thinking is communication with one’s self, talking and listening is communication with someone else, reading is communication with a text, telepathy is communication through non—verbal channels, sex is sexual communication, repairing a car is communication with the car etc. There is only one way to uncover the falsehood and, at the same time, neutralize the problem is to obtain more information via communication. Let’s say you are talking with your friends; you get advice but it does not solve the problem. This means that there is some lie hidden within the problem, or perhaps your friends are lying to you. Well, perhaps they are not lying; maybe they just don’t know enough or they know only distorted information. Using distorted information

you can only worsen the problem or at least leave your problem unchanged. If you want to do something, for example, assemble your furniture, you take closer look into plans and learn what they say. If you want to improve your work wishing to work smarter, not harder, you carefully look into your work, observe actions of yourself and others doing similar job, and try to really understand your work. More information you get, the more skilled you can become at solving your work problems. Similar things happen in many aspects of life. If the engine of a car stops working, you take it to a garage or you try to know it and fix it (an act of communication). Some people talk about their plans and new ideas for decades but they never try to make them come true; in this way they achieve nothing. If you want to achieve something, if you need results, first you have to touch, see, feel, and try to communicate. When you first see someone, you try to know that person by approaching to him and trying to interact. If communication is good, you have new friend. However, if you start knowing this new person by sticking labels to him, you will often receive nothing, but problem. This is the natural world order, and it is inside of each of us. Every time we see a new thing as a child, first we look at it, then we touch it and squeeze it, and then we move it, throwing it up and down until we get to know its nature and actions completely. Our problems are also for touching, squeezing, moving, throwing up and down until we can handle them with confidence. Those who want wisdom read books written by geniuses or go to school. Those who want financial freedom 18

read books about the cutting—edge management technologies and business making. If we can spend countless hours at school cramming useless facts about where exactly the Arctic pole is or how the seals eat meat dumplings, I guess we can pull ourselves together and learn something truly useful too. Why we often learn something that useless to our later life, but learn nothing about problem solving? Why we’re trying to solve our problems in our thoughts and dreams instead of learning that in reality, in our actions.

Any problem vanishes when enough of useful information is obtained. Information is clear and exact facts: locations, forms, colors, agents, actions performed, time etc.

Ignorance ¨ problem ¨ learning ¨ achievement of a goal. Information is not what a neighbor, wife or angry mother—in—law said. All of them can express convictions and opinions as wrong as yours. If you want to solve your problems, you need real information, exact facts.

For example, if you want to quit smoking, you go to a person who has done it and ask how exactly he did it; you don’t go to a smoker to confide in him and get a reply like “Why the hell do you want to quit smoking? Do you want to die healthy?”

For example, when Hitler and Stalin signed a treaty about the division of Europe, they promised not to attack each other. Stalin believed in this and was shocked when Hitler attacked the Soviet Union; during the first years millions of people died because the country was not prepared for the attack. Although Stalin had been warned by his intelligence service about the attack, the false conviction and wrong assumptions caused many problems. The real information also is not hypothesis, assumptions, beliefs, guesses and fortune telling. It’s just precise information, precise facts. A young squirrel does not go to beavers to ask where her nuts are; she jumps around in the trees and searches till she finds them. Or she asks other squirrels who know better. The real information is what, who, when and where, what colors and forms, that’s what the real information is. Facts will solve the problems of your life. In other words, uttered a long time ago, “The truth will set you free.” And all this means:

Every man is a friend and an enemy to himself.

How to face the problem

One evening a lady I know told me “I have a headache.” I told her, “Close your eyes.” Then a dialogue like this starts: “What is your pain like?” “Like a ball.” “What is the size of the ball?” “It’s like a tennis ball.” “And what’s it’s temperature?” “Mild.” “And what’s the size of the pain now?” “Like a pea.” “And what’s it’s color?” “Grey.” “And what is the size of the headache now?” “You know, forgive me, but the pain is gone.”

That’s it; a simple questioning about the qualities of the problem can solve it. Let’s say a person who is stressing out comes to you and you ask him “What happened?” You ask in order to get information about particular events, facts, and places. He answers, “Oh, don’t ask”. You say, “Well, I want to know.” He spills the beans and feels relieved. In this case, you the listener are consequence of his words, and he became more causal over his problems by talking them to you. This way communication temporarily relieves problems. Find out the reasons of misbalance and you will be relieved forever. What does looking into the problem mean? To look into the problem means defining what it looks like and stating the facts of the problem.

When you look at the tree and you can say it’s green, one can look at his problem. The whole difference is that in, the first case, a person is looking with his physical eyes; in the second case he is looking with his inner eyes at the picture or feelings formed in his brain, perhaps projected by his consciousness. The main question that gives a person perspective on a problem and helps find the right information about the problem is:

5 0

What does it look like to me?

One lady was suffering from inflammation of vertebral nerves. I asked her, “Well, what is the pain like?” She answered, “Like a beetroot soup.” A minute later, with eyes full of fascination, she says to me, “It’s gone.”

Very often the man himself knows all the answers to his own questions; when he comes with his problem all you have to do is to ask him, “What do you think about it? how are you going to try to solve it?” And usually he gives answers to all of his questions. It’s like this: a simple conversation and any questions that help to look into the problem. The same approach can be applied to almost anything. Something is going wrong? Take a CLOSER look at it. You’re not meeting your love? Analyze it thoroughly. Are you constantly engaged in senseless conflicts? Examine them; find the reasons in your consciousness or in your perception of the situation.

Ask yourself, “How do I perceive the situation?” and think carefully; perhaps some conviction of yours is not as true as it seemed before.

I asked a man, “How does your depression seem to you?” He told me, “Very bad.” This is not the right kind of answer because does not address the quality of the problem; it’s just a superficial evaluation. In order to cope with a problem we need to know the specific qualities of the problem like color, weight, temperature, and form; we do not need a careless evaluation. This is why I correct myself and ask in another way: “Ok, what’s the degree of the badness of your depression, compare it to something? What it looks like?”

Until this moment the man was suffering only because he didn’t look into the inner features of the problem, its definitions, sizes and parameters. Instead, he kept repeating his long—held opinion, “I’m bad.” He was perpetuating his problem in the way he kept repeating it carefully, “I’m bad,” “I’m bad,” and “I’m totally bad.” Some people ask “Why go deep into it?” Not asking question and ignoring the problem can avoid many conflicts in the short term; however, if one is seeking the truth and clarity, a deep look is necessary. What is the truth for? It is for the sake of freedom.

For example, this social experiment has been conducted in many different countries. A man is lying on the street; people pass by paying 23

no attention because all of them have caught the virus of indifference. Their indifference allows them to pretend they do not have a problem. By not taking responsibility, they do not suffer. Can they still call themselves humans after this? A man walks through life superficially seeing only the consequences of his personal qualities and talking about the consequences of those qualities, without trying to see what causes all the problems in his life. And suddenly he gets asked, “OK man, you feel bad, but how it is bad?” The look of the person is at once directed into the problem itself, the consciousness finally becomes the reason of life without this problem, and now the person is less infected with mental viruses than before. The problem vanishes because the person realizes what he is dealing with, there is no lie inside the problem anymore, the exact information is found out, the exact situation, the exact event, the exact time, and the exact place. The answer why is found. For example, if a man wants to find a girlfriend, he has to imagine where it will happen, how it will happen, and how he is going to behave when it happens. For illustration of this principle remember movie “Next” when Nicolas Cage tried to approach Julianne Moore. Our problems are caused ONLY by what is unknown. What we know doesn’t cause any problems to us. We may know about the war and it will not cause any problems to us because we will know what to do in case of war—go to kick enemy’s ass or run away as fast as we can. Our troubles lie in suspense or falsehoods or inconsistency; as soon as suspense turns into knowledge, the problem vanishes.

Problem (WHAT) ¨ Look at the problem (HOW) ¨ Information collected (WHY) ¨ Problem doesn’t exist. Every time on our way to a goal we face plenty of problems, through which we can travel with the question how. How could I solve it? What could I do about it? How did I come to what I have? How do others do that? How other people successfully go through it?

The only way to gain information is to ask questions. Asking questions equals to watching, observing, and touching.

This simple thing separates a happy person from the unhappy one. A happy person is a curious person, he is interested and he asks questions; he is keen on searching and he accepts new information. Why does a child grow and develop? Because every day he obtains new information and solves the problems that he encounters in his everyday life. But an adult, having forgotten the natural world order, one day stops, thinking that he already has all the possible information; for example, he finds a faith that doesn’t change for years until he dies. Again, talk about karmas and the influence of Saturn on the planet of apes is NOT information. It’s just a way to make a living from our self—justifying quests, a way to take advantage of our ignorance or sweet and meaningless wish not to know. An unhappy man is an apathetic man; he is not interested in anything, he doesn’t care, he doesn’t ask, he blindly performs his tasks, he denies any new information or is hostile or indifferent towards it, and he clings to his “very important” convictions fanatically.

What is the reason for all this? Wrong convictions nurtured by parents, educational system, obedience to the well formulated, but outdated stereotypical “wisdom”. Sometimes one has to resist a little to the one’s inner or outer systems of beliefs in order to bring progress into one’s life. A happy man, being interested in many things, being much better informed about pleasure, doesn’t try to attract the attention of others because he doesn’t have to. These are universal laws that govern the Universe. The thought stated above can be rephrased into: A rich man, being interested in many things, being much better informed about business, doesn’t try to attract money of others, in order to obtain something from those others because he doesn’t need it at all. To be precise, he does need it but in order to be rich he doesn’t have to try anymore. He took the initiative to try before. He is a valuable thing himself, and the money comes to him without being asked.

Equilibrium We know that the only way to obtain information is communication or looking into the problem. Life is basically only communication and only two types of communication exist: the statement, repulsion, cause or reason, and the question, traction, or consequence. When our poor squirrel is yelling at the beavers to bring her nuts she is creating her space, pushing her will, acclaiming her opinion and convictions. When she is asking them about the way to the river, where a tree fighting with worms is growing, she causes traction, she agrees with the beavers’ space of the game and with their opinions. The traction and the repulsion cannot be completely separated because every action has both components. Some actions are better characterized by repulsion, others by traction. For example, solely by asking a question I am a sort of repulsion; however, my question also causes traction because I’m likely ready to hear an answer to my question. In this sense the world is simple. When we see that it is complicated, all we need to do is divide the whole into separate ingredients—relations between traction and repulsion, the cause and the consequence. For any thing, including a human, to survive there must be balance. Critical mass of uranium is followed by a nuclear explosion, too strong a current of electricity is followed by the conductor burning, too high amount of 27

potassium in blood—and the heart stops. We could continue the list till infinity. The Universe constantly changes, but tries to maintain equilibrium of every new state. Nature is a self–regulating mechanism. There are not too many elks in the forest because in the same forest there are also wolves who fancy the elks for lunch; that is why the elks don’t eat up all the trees, and that is why the amount of oxygen in the atmosphere is still the same and everyone is still alive. Our brain helps us to maintain the same equilibrium. For example, a person sees some kind of problem before him, creates traction by learning everything about the problem. Then the repulsion appears—the effort to solve the problem—and when the critical mass is reached, he “attracts” some reward. Things get balanced out at a higher level of balance. All this happens naturally for that person, without considering that it requires effort. Does a child think that it requires effort for him to start walking? Does a tree think that it requires effort for it to grow? Of course, when a difficulty arises in the chain, it depends on something else than the natural cycle of activity. Somewhere a curve appears, distortions that cause so—called difficulty, an obstacle on the way to the goal. Another example is person who lives with his problems without doing something about them and thus maintains lower level balance. The hope of the squirrel, the beavers and all of us lies in the fact that if we exercise repulsion, we will somehow get the traction, and if we provide the attraction, in some way we will get the repulsion. We all, no matter what we do and what we think about it, obey these laws. We get problems when we resist these natural flows of energy. We get problems 28

when we try to force nature to do something what is against its natural flows. For example, dictators, no matter how clever they are, without having a straight, undistorted feedback finally acquire such fantastic beliefs that they destroy themselves. Being in balance means normal communication, balance between repulsion (pushing one’s beliefs) and traction (listening to others). When some person tends only to push his beliefs without listening, his psyche misbalances. That person we can now call a dictator. The Universe tends to solve this misbalance and pushes the dictator to fail. Every force tends to be balanced by equal force. If you push—you will be pushed. If you listen, you will be listened to.

Here is one example. No matter what Hitler2 thought about the world, the Universe pushed his beliefs over him. Hitler sent away from the country the most famous Jewish physicists, and they created the atomic bomb, while Heisenberg 3 , who was working for Hitler, made a mistake in the calculations. Irony, but Hitler hoping to conquer world was conquered by Jewish physics who were abused by Hitler’s beliefs.

Adolf Hitler (1889—1945)—German chancellor, since 1934 Fuhrer (leader), the leader of the German National Socialist Labor Party, conquered almost all Europe, but lost to the Allies. 3 Karl Werner Heisenberg (1901—1976)—German physicist, winner of the Nobel prize (1932), the pioneer of quantum mechanics.

Another example are bandits who kill until they come across other bandits, and in this way they massacre each other. Briefly, without being in balance one will never have enough correct information. Not having enough correct information will cause failure in consequence. Balance is programmed in all living organisms, and this is called homeostasis—the pressure in blood vessels has to be appropriate, the level of glucose in blood has to be appropriate, the balance of electrolytes has to be appropriate and so on, in order for the organism to function at its best.

When misbalance in organisms occurs, illnesses come. If a person puts on too much weight, he may fall ill with diabetes because his cells lose sensitivity to insulin, the hormone responsible for regulating blood sugar levels. As a result, the cells receive less energy, and the person starts losing weight. In this way attempt to the balance is made. When pressure increases, as a compensation to it the heart muscle gets thicker4.

Misbalance is always not only something that is lacking, but also something that is abundant. So, seeing a problem, a person can act only in two ways. In kung—fu5 philosophy they are called the soft one 4

Left ventricular hypertrophy is the thickening of the muscle of the left ventricle of the heart. While ventricular hypertrophy can occur naturally as a reaction to aerobic exercise and strength training, it is most frequently referred to as a pathological reaction to cardiovascular disease. 5 Kung—fu—one of the Chinese martial arts.

and the hard one; an individual can pull or push. He can also obey naturally—arising motivators to do something, or he can resist them. A person may show initiative and try (repulsion) earlier, and some time later, get a reward (traction). Or the person may attract attention of others to his problem in different ways and then receive some kind of a push. The ‘pusher’ solves his own problems; the ‘puller’ tries to let others solve them for him. For example, a ‘pulling’ person says, “It’s the government’s responsibility to ensure my well—being.” Or “Nobody gives me a chance”. If you leave things to go with the flow when actually you should take care of them, all you get is that you are never granted opportunities. And vice versa; by pushing the things that are supposed to be left alone, you cause yet even bigger reciprocal reactions. The difference between a successful and unsuccessful person is that while the successful one first takes the initiative to try and then gets results, the unsuccessful man expects to get results immediately; he expects to get results without putting in any effort, or hopes that someone will or must make the effort for him. The difficult path eventually turns into an easy one, and the seemingly easy one eventually turns difficult. This is how the natural forces of nature interact with each other in the everlasting dance of balancing. The winner is the one who gathers information first and acts first, the one who does his homework. His continued winning ensures that he will have the constant attention of other people. The winner does not only know, he is also getting natural attention from other people. The lucky one is not the one who must carry responsibility, but the one who takes it first and without being 31

asked or forced by anyone. Also successful is someone who does not destroy the balance by forcing someone else take up his responsibility.

If wife is telling off her husband, urging him to find a better—paid job, she just creates a greater resistance from his side. Two people live together in the way that is described by the saying “birds of feather flock together.” One does not take up responsibility, and the other is forcing her partner to take responsibility, which makes the situation worse.

A loser usually does nothing, doesn’t gather information and doesn’t start acting first. With this kind of behavior he cannot attract normal, self—generated attention of people. Instead, he tries to do it in faulty ways, by complaining, by talking only about his constant problems—but he doesn’t try to solve them. And this is one of the many compensation mechanisms of the Universe; the inability to create is compensated by complaining, talking—only and other distortions of activity And vice versa; if the talking was stopped, the situation would lose balance, and the ability to create and truly act would appear. When the winner attracts all that he wants by being the more pushing force, the loser rejects what he needs by being mostly the drawing force. The winner invests himself and the loser asks. When a successful—in—the—future person starts, he starts with himself, he takes up responsibility for himself and his work, he thinks, “what should I do in order to get this and that?” The loser starts with the others, transfers the

responsibility to someone else, and there is a thought lurking inside of him: “What could the others do for me, in order for me to get this?” If a person wants to solve his problems, pull himself together, take the lead in his life, he must want it first of all. If a person wants to be happy, he must wish it. If a person wants cheese, first of all he has to wish it. Purchasing cheese is a later act than wishing it. The man says, “I want cheese. I’m going to the shop.” He goes to the shop, and Universe gives him cheese in the shop. In fact, he doesn’t have to think how the cheese got to the shop; all he needs to do is go there. Everything has been already done for him. And the other one shouts, “I want cheese! Who will bring it to me? Let the lottery bring me cheese!” The loser can’t even remember the lessons of statistics at school, and he doesn’t think how low the opportunity of winning in lottery is. It looks like that some lotteries are easy to win; you just have to go to the TV studio and get the money. But when he calculates the chances, real facts, the winner takes up not the dreams but a real job; he knows that there is one in a million chance of winning. By the time his “chance” comes, he will have had time to die and be resurrected tens of thousands of times. There is a better chance for him to become the President of the United States than to win the lottery. And there is an even bigger opportunity to earn that winning on your own than to hope for the lucky chance. If the loser chooses the opportunity that comes one in a million, and lost because of that, the winner takes the opportunity that comes in one out of three, let’s say. It’s the same as choosing to wipe your butt with a toilet paper; here is a one hundred percent chance that

you will use it. You are “lucky” if you don’t wait for someone to wipe your butt. What is the difference between these two people? Information.

Information often means the difference between life and death. For example, if you dive without having checked the bottom of the lake, there is a chance that you will break your spinal cord. Breaking the top of it means death, breaking it somewhere else means paralysis. Another example is people who smoke thinking that it doesn’t harm them, and then they have to face terrible consequences.

If a person is unhappy or he’s not the winner, he: •

either doesn’t want to be happy or to be a winner because it’s easier to lie on the sofa and dream of winning in some lottery than it is to lift weights,

•

or he lacks information how to achieve a victory.

In the later case it’s also more convenient for him to pretend that he’s a fool because when you’re smart, more problems come up; you get entangled in more conflicts because you know too much. Losers don’t like you; they think you are jumping too high, that you are arrogant or too bossy. It’s more convenient for a person to be a parasite than to act. He constantly demands from the others: •

attention(“You are “ignoring me.”)

•

help (“You don’t help me at all.”)

•

advice or affirmation (“Oh, let it be!”)

•

encouragement or cheer (“Could you do something for me to start?”)

However, he doesn’t want to give anything in return; he doesn’t want to act himself or to take up the initiative to change something in his life. It’s more convenient for him to be a pest than to act. However, easy way of lying on the sofa or pulling everyone’s else energy can turn the most problematic in future. And vice versa, the following attitudes create completely different results: •

“I help the others.”

•

“I’m doing a great job”

•

“I’m already doing that”

•

“I don’t need advice because I believe in what I do”

•

“Although nobody is paying attention to me now, I know my mission and I’ll show everyone!”

•

“Although I have no money, I can start with that too.”

Conditions under which problems will not exist include the following: •

There is enough of correct information (pull). It depends on the wish;

•

There is a intent (push) to solve problems.

You only have to want, and wanting that much, you need a good kick in the ass. Sometimes it works, and sometimes a person is so obstinate and so sure that he is right, that he gets into a pile of garbage. No matter how 35

bad their situation is, they will not admit the FACTS, that they are wrong; they will always remain right in their garbage pile, and will keep going against the laws of nature.

Some time ago I talked to many homeless people. Do you think they fall so low because of the circumstances only? One of them is convinced that cocaine will help to ease his back pain. Another one says, “They don’t give me a chance.” The third one says, “I was deceived badly.”

For the problem to exist, there must be a falsehood in it. The first one lies to himself in order to justify his weaknesses. The second one, to make his life more comfortable, pretends not to know that he needs to wipe his own ass. The third one is drowning in so much alcohol, that he doesn’t see the roots of his problems. Often it’s the fault of the upbringing because parents do not teach the children self—sufficiency, despite taking care of their children for years. And you can see some twenty—year—old chap, playing the cool guy but asking his mother for a few dollars and having poor and even strange relationships with his own family. The first condition, lack of information, exists only because a person doesn’t want to look into problem and solve it. Let’s try to answer this question: “Why do we lack information?” Because the person is not trying to search for or find the answers. If he’s not trying, it means he doesn’t really want to solve the problem. He only thinks that he wants to; deep inside he doesn’t believe.

A problem exists only because it is directly or indirectly desired. It’s a convenient state. Every human has the freedom of choice and every being of this Universe obeys only one goal: to survive in the best way and form. So, this is reason why often a person decides to have continuous problems – it’s more convenient way of survival.

Only after solving the problem called “this problem is convenient to me,” we become absolutely free. Why one has problems, in summary, there are two reasons. First, because he wants more. When we want more, we create additional push and that requires a strain. Second, he is adapted to his situation, lives in his “homeostasis”, not allowing new information enter his world.

The main purpose of Universe All the reasons of our behavior and the results of our lives lie in these rules, the most important of which is:

The main aspiration of this Universe is to survive or to be in balance.

All the creatures on Earth, including humans, seek one thingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;to survive in the best way possible. All creatures are born, grow, compete among themselves, reproduce, die, and the circle starts all over again. Various forms consume each other in order to survive in their own way. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s impossible to survive in the best way without being in balance. For example, an elk may be convinced that wolves attack the race of elks illegitimately and without reason, and one day he might have a heart attack because of overestimation of the situation. In this way the elk unbalances the natural order with his thoughts and causes additional problems for himself; nature neutralizes him as a source of misbalance. If one wants to be in balance, one has to perform many calculations; this is why on our shoulders we have

the most powerful biochemical computer in the Universe—our brain. On one hand, the brain sends us signals that we need at particular time period to maintain the balance. If we overwork, we start feeling numb or we feel sleepy. If we’re out of luck, we are stressed or we feel anxiety. The brain knows when it’s best to work and when it’s best to have a rest; indeed, when you have a good rest, when you relax, you tend accomplish much more and achieve higher quality than when you work your ass off. Moreover, this kind of behavior is much more pleasant. If you don’t listen to your brain, you’ll have more problems. On the other hand, our own convictions influence the activities of our brain and may create distortions like reception of wrong information or doing tasks that miss the goal. You can work like a madman, force yourself to work, in spite of what your brain tells you, but finally you will face health problems. The body cannot exceed its natural balance limit.

Imagine a powerful Roman emperor who conquers vast lands. Eventually the system will become unbalanced and too large, and it will be easily conquered because it will require too many men to protect it.

The main natural aspiration of this Universe is to maintain balance between two main factors: the attraction and the pressure, or the cause and the consequence. Anyone in this Universe, in order to survive in the best way, must be in some sense both the reason and the consequence; otherwise things get unbalanced and the

danger arises that they will be brought back to balance “by force”. Why are unbalanced things always brought back to balance automatically? In a human being it happens because the nervous system cannot work on the edge of high stress for a long time, it always tries to fight and return to the state of comfort. This is why a man constantly forces himself to motivate by going in for sports („if I don’t move, I get stagnating”) or by working (“If I don’t work, I get lazy”). Or that’s why when you come back home after a trip it looks new; your nervous system has “forgotten” the usual comfortable state. Why do we always return to balance, into the comfort zone? Because it’s easier to survive this way. The brain thinks it’s easier to survive in the usual, familiar environment; that’s why it forms the view of the environment and, if something happens, the reaction to that will be immediate. This happens because the brain always must be ready to evade danger and survive. It’s programmed in our core—the reptile brain6, which is responsible for the basic survival “fight—or—flight” impulse. If the unbalance is too large, automatic correction for it may also be strong, or may even be wrong. For example, when a person has allergies, his immune system reacts too violently to certain allergens, and it may kill him. Moreover, we may have certain convictions that may unbalance things, and that may cause unnecessary distorted reactions, which can also result in problems.

6 Reptilian complex or R—complex is a part of the triune brain model proposed by Paul D. MacLean. This theory seeks to explain brain function through the evolution of existing structures of the human brain.

A normal person cannot be only the cause because then he would be a dictator, and he cannot be only the circumstance because then he would be a victim. So the secret of success and happiness is to be in balance between the cause and the consequence, to be able to be the cause when it’s needed and the consequence when it’s needed. Whatever the person says about his life, subconsciously he tries to survive at any cost... even the cost of his life. Although every human being seeks a better balance, better survival, often we start to play games and instead of going to real action to solve our problem, we just go an easy way—find an excuse.

We can survive both ways: first, we can survive by doing some real actions, second, we can survive by “being right”.

You can, for example, try to help a homeless guy, but he will probably recite lots of learned excuses, he will express lots of his important opinions about how no one can help him, or he may just keep repeating the following phrases: “It’s the fault of the government;” “I’ve been deceived;” “I want a job;” “Nobody gives me job.” Try to help a drug addict; he will find thousands excuses why he cannot do this or that, he will just go on repeating phrases like “I can’t,” “I don’t know how,” “It’s stronger than me,” or “I’ve tried everything already.” Often people instead of living real life, doing real results in their real life, are just “being right”. And those opinions of rightfulness act as compensation of striving to survive. Their survival in reality, for example, is bad, but simple belief can make that reality better. The problem 41

here is that in order to survive mind is programmed to go the most easiest way. So this is why we see people in garbage pile happy with their life. Try as much as you want, but until the person changes his opinion, you will just get yourself down. Only you can help yourself. If someone asks me to give him an idea, I just tell him that if I give him an idea, he will achieve nothing because the idea will not be his. We are all different, and we seek the best way of survival in different ways. Most people do not realize the aspiration of survival, just as nature itself does not realize it; often all they can do is when something happens accept new rules in the reactionary manner.

For example, a dog that is being beaten accepts the rule “survival equals being obedient and kissing the ass of the master” in a reactionary manner. In this way the dog becomes “tamed”.

Life tames us, and we learn its rules in order to survive better. The problem here is that a lot of survival rules are valid only in that time when they have occurred, but we carry them our whole life. Likewise, a man beaten by life (or nature) one day thinks “Oh, fuck. Perhaps there is a higher force after all, and it rules me.” Just like the ancient man used to think “The god of thunder is more powerful than me, he will kill me with his deadly blow for my sins.” Totally errant faiths have emerged from the limitations of the human mind, from the lack of understanding that the god of thunder, and the other so—called gods are actually just incomprehensible forces or information. In

other words, they are a lie justifying human disability and stupidity. Until now Man has failed to gain control over the basic forces of nature and the Universe, so survival rules like this have survived since the Stone Age. Our aim is to expand our consciousness enough to comprehend not only our mind but also our feelings, and the main instinct of survival, in order to be able to control our life as best as possible. The aim is to show the man WHAT and HOW things influence his present life, and the global aim is to show WHAT and HOW things influence humanity. We need to understand the WHAT and the HOW if we are going to be able to survive a global catastrophe, rather than sitting in an unelectrified cave praying to idols, and sacrificing others to gain the mercy of the gods. And of course, once we realize that we are not the only ones who are trying to survive, maybe one day we will understand and we will learn not to spread into the atmosphere the stench of burned black mud. And here is the reason for the misery of the human that follows all this:

The quality of life is basically influenced by our opinion about how well we survive.

A person is unhappy just because he consciously or subconsciously â&#x20AC;&#x153;thinksâ&#x20AC;? that he, as an individual, does not survive well enough. If you are a multimillionaire and you think that you are not surviving well enough, you will be unhappy. If you live in garbage pile and believe it is right thing to do, maybe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re happy.

You can be happy only in your comfort zone. If you are not in your comfort zone, it means you feel fear, you feel anxiety, you have to move, and, because of this, you will not be happy. That is the problem. All human achievements come from the opinion that we are not surviving well enough. And of course, with all the innumerable inventions, we still think, “No, still we are surviving badly.” This is how a person who buys a Mercedes still dreams of a Bugatti. During adolescence, young people start to feel the urge to leave their parents. The brain seems tells to new adult “you are surviving badly by still living at home”; this leads to rebelling or seeking to live and survive on his own. He finds a job, buys an apartment and other things, all in order to gain a better opinion about his survival. Other people live with their parents until their forties because they formed different survival rules of which they may even don’t understand. Rules of survival, beliefs are cause of everything what we do and why we do. For example, one people believe in work and they go to work and do it nine hours a day, five days a week. For some people this isn’t an option because they don’t believe in it and try to organize some new rules of their survival. For the balance in the Universe to exist, two forces must exchange. If you take up an activity and you feel unhappy, later you will be happy when you achieve what you want or just shake off the burden of work. But, what is most important? There is no need for any violence in order to achieve something. All you need is to achieve enough balance for traction to the new state to appear. Buddha had fun for years until his revelation, until he got bored, and he sat down under his tree.

The reason why you don’t move on is that you haven’t experienced enough good from what the present situation is offering.

For example, you have one computer. Finally you explore all the power that it possesses, you get to know it completely, the gaps fill in, and you starting to feel that its resources are not enough for you; as a result, a natural attraction to a new, even more powerful and more fitting computer appears. Or, you are living in a house, and the moment when you feel bored with the color of the walls of that house, you start seeking a new, better comfort. Everything happens naturally, without violence.

It means that everything boils down to the aspiration of enough balance. In order to start moving to a better condition, you have to feel enough of what is in the present condition, and then the traction to the better condition will occur. The reason why we are stumbling is that we do not experience enough. In other words, the reason why we are not “causes” is that we are not “consequences” enough. When we are stuck to what we have, we don’t let energy flow in or out – we don’t communicate with the world enough. Remembering our example with computer. We have old computer because we don’t use it enough. If we had used it, a new better state would have appeared. There are several ways out into balance, state without problems:

•

A person experiences too little pleasure and tries to compensate it by saying that what he’s got is what he seeks. In this way by words he achieves his balance, his comfort zone; he stops and doesn’t move anywhere. He is happy pretending everything is right.

•

A person is on balance, comfort zone, but seeks a new better state. Then you unbalance things by spending one tenth of your monthly income on a one—day pleasure in some other town. Afterwards you feel satisfied as you exit your usual comfort zone; in fact, you might start seeking more.

•

A person experiences enough pleasure and then he starts seeking the opposite, thereby balancing his life.

•

A person experiences enough pleasure; as a result, he experiences pointlessness and starts looking for a stronger pleasure. This unbalances forces and the Universe may neutralize him in order to achieve balance. For example, a person parties hard, starts driving drunk, until finally it all ends with cocaine and death in a gutter.

Previous gurus taught you that you can leave the comfort zone only through pain, by forcing yourself to do something; you can actually leave the comfort zone using pleasure as well. Gurus say, “try to cause stress in order to leave the comfort zone”, “try to motivate yourself”, “cause pain”, “pump up” in order to start acting, but what, if you don’t wanna do a fuck, what if you don’t want to aspire anything, what if you are simply lazy? And I’ll tell you, it’s completely normal. If you want to achieve something but you’re lazy, it means you’ve

experienced too little laziness, and the Universe now is giving it to you. The way out is stay lazy some time more, and the natural attraction to what you want will come to you. If you are bored but you want to achieve something, you should do nothing; keep being bored and the natural traction to a better condition will appear. Are the people who continue a never—ending quest for something they haven’t lost or who read various motivating books, happier than those who just live? Some time ago I discovered a paradox—people, who read motivating books actually don’t do anything. And the reason for that is the faulty compensation of the aspiration to act, which stems from a faulty conviction. This is the natural world order. If we listen to what our intuition tells us, we survive in the best way because our brain tries to calculate everything in such a way that keeps us in the balance. If something is forced by the power of will and mind to be unbalanced; distortions of energy appear and they manifest themselves as various illogical things and perversions. The mind can say, “the search is not the real life, here is an impulse to act for you”; the person turns that impulse, which he could use for action, into a useless activity, into the quest of something that he hasn’t lost. And the person, conducting the search, says, “I’m doing act of seeking.” When you take the opposite poles of a powerful magnet and bring them closer to each other, the force of repulsion gets stronger. The same applies to the balance in the Universe; the bigger the misbalance is, the greater expectancy that in some way it will get balanced. We must use our periods of misery in the most useful way because this kind of period is the time of energy 47

gathering. During such periods the philosophy forms, the philosophy that later, in the period of active activities, helps you to quicker achieve your goals. And now compare yourself to the others who not flowed through the life, but forced it. You have valuable experiences, your own story and new ideas; others have everything same what they had years ago. Those long years that others waste working and bringing capital to banks for loans, you’d better spend living on the street. This will be more useful than a unnaturally balanced life. Unbalance is not only evil; it is also the source of all achievements. An unbalance or conflict may destroy you, but it may also give you some brain. Life in the pile of garbage may turn you into garbage but it turns some people into geniuses. Life in garbage pile can find you a very valuable asset – the source of all motivation. Why is it like this? First of all because the Universe physically must balance things in some way; that’s why a big deviation on one side may be turned into a big deviation on the other side. Psychically, the human mind in a state of large deviation may notice something more than the one that is in the self—complacent comfortable balance. Bad times are not always bad. For example, you may change many jobs, and then become a worldwide known film star. If your business fails, later you might get a larger profit. If you die and believe in reincarnation, you may get another body. And it’s up to each person to choose where he will invest that traction or repulsion that has emerged from between the poles of the magnet. Forcing yourself to do something is not quite the right path to achievement because there is a possibility that the brain will try to balance this effort. The more

you will force yourself, the faster you will grow tired, and the less you will want to do something at all.

To be truly happy is to be able to combine being the cause with being the consequence.

Desire for wealth, things, love, recognition, and honor are all expressions of the effort to survive – source of all motivation. Was Buddha right by saying that you have to give it up if you want to achieve so—called Nirvana? No. It’s easy to be happy communicating only on the sofa. It’s easy for Buddha to be in Nirvana having given up all the desires. It’s easy to say that desires are the source of all the problems and sufferings. Yes, it is true, all “push ups” of our will are source of all problems. But isn’t it silly to give them up for this reason? Be clever and try to combine all these complicated things. Seeking nirvanas isn’t clever thing to do. It’s easy to be a consequence. It’s easy to be a reason. It’s easy to be a consequence of god and not feel any wish. It’s easy to be a dictator and not feel any reproach on consciences. However, it’s difficult to be both the reason and the consequence. It’s difficult to be in balance. When Buddha says “I’m happy in my Nirvana”, is he right? Of course, he left everything, entire world of effort and desire. When dictator says “I’m happy killing others”, is he right? Of course, he can kill all his problems, “no people, no problems.” But from a larger perspective both aren’t right at all. To be truly happy is ability to combine both forces. When you do job in real world, not Nirvana, when you communicate normally, then you combine your forces into balance, and then, only then you can be happy. 49

A person becomes happy when he realizes that his current conditions do not threaten his survival at all, that his current conditions involve a balance between being the consequence and being the reason.

If a man’s wife yells at him every day, he is being too much of a consequence; as a result, he is not happy, and he tries to compensate (with his lover, in a bar, etc.). Other person works and earns while being a financial cause. As a result, his being a consequence may suffer or his wife or his children may be unable to be a reason to him); because of this his relationship with the family may suffer. And, of course, a feeling of unhappiness occurs because of that.

The human has an instinct, the instinct of survival. It’s his major goal. Also he has a consciously and unconsciously acquired opinions and goals, but all his goals, even the altruistic ones, are for one and the same—the good feeling, the need to balance the reason and the consequence. Happiness is at the same time human’s enemy. When you are happy, you simply stand at the same spot; when you are in balance, you neither fall, nor rise. If you want to experience more happiness, you have to experience enough of the present.

Decoding life If the world may be divided into two main components of interaction, what are the some possible states in the relationship between the cause and the consequence:

Normal communication

1. 2.

I’m talking, the other one is listening. I’m the cause and the other one is the consequence I’m listening, the other one is talking .I’m the consequence and the other one is the cause

It’s a normal communication when both people are reasons or consequences interchangeably. This kind of communication gives knowledge, it satisfies, it strengthens relationships, because the participants experience both being the cause and the consequence. Would you say a partner often satisfied in sex if he doesn’t experience what he expects or wants? Both partners have to experience the consequence — orgasm and give pleasure to each other to be reasons. If one only takes, the other one will remain unsatisfied. The same applies everywhere, communication is useful only when it’s full, i.e. when there is a balance between the reason and the consequence. The full cycle of communication between two people is two causes and two consequences; in other words, two statements and two admissions of statements.

In the absence of the full cycle, unbalance may occur, which may result in problems.

Thinking like this, one can decode all his life. For example, a person shares and with someone else but gets no response. The person who shared the idea

may suffer, he starts thinking, “Maybe I said something stupid,” or “my ideas are not interesting to anyone.”

Abnormal communication

A quarrel or miscommunication occurs when one attempts to yell louder than the other one — both want to be the reason at the same time.

A quarrel usually happens when both people have different opinions about the same subject. The goals, values, and habits may differ and neither wants to step back, neither wants to be the consequence of the other’s opinion. In this case both participants of the conflict separately believe that one of them survives in the best possible way, but not the other one. The way out? Voluntarily stop your wish to be the reason or explain why it’s better to believe in your opinion. Another way out is for one of them to become the consequence; either one has to step back, or the other one has to be convinced, or have a deathly row in order to fully spill their need to be a cause. If proving the reason (the righteousness) is too much for the sensitivity threshold of one of the participants, the decision may be made to become the final reason and to split apart. Basically quarrels, just like any other problems, are a natural part of life. There would be fewer of them only if people learned to react to them naturally. Young people, who don’t have much experience in quarrels, think that quarrels are very bad. The overestimation of quarrels lies in the human aspiration to survive in the best possible way. In order to survive a human needs to feel that he is the reason, that 54

he is right; this is why he considers quarrels very important, even though they are just expressions of a false action. Considering usual quarrels important is the same as considering the word “beefsteak” written on a piece of paper real and trying to eat it. Often quarrels occur when one or both of participants aren’t taking responsibility for the subject of quarrel. If both participants or one of them were taken real action regarding subject, quarrel would not occur. For example, one may say “I want it”, another “I don’t”. First is not taking this consequence and starts argumentation “you don’t care about me if you don’t take it to me.” So, here’s how we have a problem. One of participants not wants to accept another’s point of view, but also does not take responsibility for his own wish.

“Non—talking day” or the absence of relation. Participants are both consequences.

This situation usually happens when participants are trying to shout louder than the other one. If, in the beginning, both tried to shout out loud to each other their “important” opinions, both will have to become consequences in order to achieve balance and to finally make up. The silence has to be kept for as long as they had shouted for the participants of the quarrel to come out in balance. First and second situations won’t occur if both participants were listening to each other, analyzing one’s owns actions and trying to accept points of others.

A dictator – the “reason only” 55

If a person hates to be unable to rule, then he starts controlling everything, he becomes a dictator.

For example, in his childhood some Jew insulted Hitler’s ability or inability to draw and, in the future, he tried to control all Jews to make them not dare to express the opinion that was painful to him.

Usually very sensitive people become psychopaths and serial killers who, because of grave consequences to their mind performed by others, start defending themselves in inadequate ways. Their sensitivity created a sense of introversion. In the beginning they kept everything inside of them and, at last, everything that was accumulated is amplified and pours out with terrible consequences. Thus they achieve their causality in an inadequate way. Insults and mockery are just ways of gaining reason in a distorted way. Without understanding this, one may overestimate them. That overestimation can be a useful motivation for action (“I’ll show them.”), but it can be also harmful; the person may fall ill with depression and become a victim or a dictator. Since everyone’s threshold of sensitivity is different, one person’s innocent joke may be perceived as mockery by another. Nobody understands why the “cause only 7 “ following that is so strong. It’s why this kind of people, who have become like that because of some seemingly negligible details, are called psychopaths. In short, a psychopath is a very sensitive person, who was unable to cope with consequences performed to him by other people, who because of that started exercising 7

Striving to control others.

revenge upon the one person, society or certain groups of individuals.

Some people who are not self—confident at school put up masks of “cool guys” and, in different ways, try to hurt others. Solely because of incomprehension of how to cope with their ability to be the consequence, they attempt to compensate by acting “cool”. The situation gets worse because many of them have parents who work too much and become big consequences at work; as a result they are not able to communicate normally with their children, and the children more and more try to achieve the balance with their peers.

Of course, there are many intermediate variants; in this case everything depends on the person’s ability to be the consequence, which comes down to the person’s choices.

Some women keeps repeating year after year, “all men are pigs.” It seems like nothing special but this is one of the signs of neurosis. It means that this woman cannot be a consequence of a man—maybe she has been betrayed and she doesn’t want to experience it anymore—so she reacts aggressively to aggression instead of taking this consequence and telling herself, “I’ve been betrayed. Next time I’ll be more careful. I hope I find a man who deserves me.” She will not find a suitable man for herself by repeating “All men are pigs.” She will only manage to find an57

other ordinary pig. All men are pigs anyway. The mind tending to survive better by “being right” will arrange everything for her according to her belief. Why do people tend to be “right no matter what”, become dictators or exercise violence? Because they have the opinion that such a role will guarantee them the best possible survival. Generally, any leader may have some “reason only” features: most of them are autocratic and the fewest are democratic. Democratic leaders are also controlled by other institutions, such as the media or the electorate; as a result, they cannot be “only reasons.” Autocratic leaders, such as Putin8, try to acquire power little by little in order to control the institutions and the media, to control the sources of information, to distort the correct information, and to prevent others from gaining control. We all know where relationships in family where one tends to be “only cause” lead; we all know where imperial ambitions lead.

A victim — the “consequence only”

Other people react to the reasons of others in the opposite way; they obey, like monkeys respecting a hierarchy and serving the alpha—leader of the gang. Why does a person behave like this? Because he thinks that by taking up such a role he will survive better.

Vladimir Putin (1952)—a former KGB employee, the president of the Russian Federation, has expressed his support to Stalin, a former dictator of the Soviet Union, on various occasions. Seeking to control the neighboring countries the card of energetic resources was played; two opposing televisions were taken over.

He will be suppressed, not free—spirited, but he will be under the safe umbrella of “the father of the nation.” Who survive more easily during the years of oppression? Is it the rebels and oppositionists who get tucked into basements and kicked to death? Of course not; it’s easier for the ass—kissers, collaborators and the likes of them. It’s much more difficult to resist, to be the reason for the “reason only”, and go into a conflict. Both the role of a victim and the role of a dictator are hard to grow out of because they are rooted so deeply. What kind of dictator admits his mistakes? It’s easier for him to accept the death penalty and keep repeating his truths until death. And to what kind of victim it is easy to admit that he has been a victim all his life? It’s hard to admit he is not right, so he keeps on sacrificing himself till he kicks the bucket or until, finally, too big a consequence accumulates and he kills his aggressor and balancing the state of things. To become victims or dictators we have to become “only reasons” or “only consequences” on a regular basis. We have to make the same choices many times.

One day I went to cinema and the lady at the ticket office said to me, “I will not sell the ticket to you because you are drunk.” I got terribly nervous even though I don’t drink. I realized that I couldn’t be the consequence in this sort of insolence and I went to clear things out with the ticket officer. I asked her to call the manager and I told the manager what I thought. Why did the ticket officer have this silly idea that I was drunk. I received an apology, and the ticket officer had 59

obviously become nervous. In this way I became at least some kind of reason. As balance was achieved, I left satisfied and in a good mood. In this way our life depends on our choice. If one wants to live happily, one has to be in balance. If someone has made you a consequence, you must become some kind of reason to that person. If we are a reason, we must also become a consequence somewhere, otherwise we will become unhappy. If we do not balance things, it may harm our good health and generally change our life. For example, some people who, at one point in their lives, had been the consequences of someone else, tend to seek revenge later in their lives and become the type of person they hated before. A dictator tries to be only the reason, but this unbalances the natural order and somewhere an opposite action accumulates. The dictator eventually becomes the ultimate consequence. Let’s say he gets poisoned, his empire is defeated, he is sentenced for his crimes, or he develops paranoia and goes mad. The mania of persecution is one of the features of the “reason only”. The dictator has to be the consequence in some way, so he creates a system of delirium in which someone is trying to control him, someone is persecuting him. This way he can compensate and have justification for his actions. It happened to Stalin9, Hitler, Idi Amin10 and many other dictators.

Yosif Stalin (1878—1953)—a former criminal who became a dictator of the Soviet Union, he killed millions of people in his country and in the neighboring states. 10 Idi Amin Dada (1925—2003)—a dictator of Uganda (1971—1979), responsible for deaths of hundreds of thousands of people.

Dictator can be recognized by his loquacity, and victim can be recognized by his quietness. By oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ability to communicate we can forecast his future actions and their consequences. A victim is the consequence for too long a period of time; this also unbalances the natural order and often leads to the desire for revenge. At some point all dictators were victims too; at least they believe they were victims. Instead of becoming a consequence and accepting it and accumulating unbalance until it explodes into your face, it is better to perform a full communication. In this way we will live better and our world will be a better place in which to live.

Even more specific situations

Neurotic reaction to relationships, pyromania 11 — the other one was the reason, but due to certain reasons I cannot be the reason to him

For example, one boy, when his father left his family, started setting on fire everything that he could get his hands on.

What does it mean? The father’s leaving created the consequence in his son’s life. In this case, the point is not whether consequence is real or not; the point lies in what opinion the person acquires as a reaction to the actions of the others. One person can get beaten up every day and may not feel any consequences; for another, a simple remark is enough. What kind of opinions form depends on the neurogenetic peculiarities of the person. Since the main goal of the Universe is to be in balance, the boy, without realizing it, started getting even by committing arson. In this way he became a reason. The balance was achieved, despite the wrongness of the method used.

2. 11

The victim escaped the dictator — I was the consequence. I cannot be the reason to him (I cannot change him), but I cannot be the consequence any more either

And other signs of antisocial personality disorder.

The former victim tells himself, “That’s it! I can’t take any more but I can’t change him either,” so he finds help and runs away from him. The dictator is angry because he has no one to whom he can be the reason. He goes to search for his victim and, furious, bangs the door, tries to make the victim come back, and tries to persuade the former victim. Until now the dictator felt good because he had an opportunity to become the reason to someone weaker than himself. Usually such people have a distorted ability to perform something; their ability comes down to distorted actions only, such as violence, or simply words. Victim isn’t usually weaker than dictator, it is belief of victim makes him weaker. When victim changes his beliefs, he becomes more causal even though some people may say that by escaping he is weak.

Relief after the burden of responsibility is shaken off. I was the reason, but I can’t and don’t want to be it anymore

One man offered a firm a contract valued at one million dollars; the firm accepted the offer because the contract was useful. The man, feeling that he could not fulfill his obligation didn’t even try. He came back to the previous balance of his reason and consequence, to his comfort zone. He felt relieved. Another example, it’s not a secret that some women and girls, and their partners, feel relieved when they get an abortion.

Shaking off the responsibility is useful only as much as your life depends on the responsibility. If you are not 63

responsible for your life, it makes not difference whether you have responsibility or do not. Responsibility for sexual relations and their consequences is a separate topic. The attempt to avoid the truth by changing the killing of the baby into the word “abort” highlights the falsehood. If all the problems could be solved like that, we would be relieved every time we shot a neighbor who had taken our parking space.

“Happiness” to live in poverty — I am a reason enough, even if I’m missing many things (even if I am a reason of the circumstances)

There are people who say that they are happy but probably only think they are because they lack reasons for their lives. Any opinion can be subjected to a reality check. If that opinion works, it means that the person will be in abundance in every way. But if he says that he is a reason enough but his life is not abundant, his opinion of his life is not correct. Many people are disappointed in the fact that, if one wants to achieve something, he has to work hard and long. Well, at least they think that they have to work exactly in this way. To avoid this situation, they find a comfort zone with a lower cause and, in their opinion, they begin to survive in the best possible way, by words compensating they real effectiveness. Instead of making real cause, they’re just talking.

5. 64

Fear to meet someone — I can’t be the reason, what if he (she) becomes the reason to me?

People are afraid to start communicating because they are afraid that the others will not be consequences. Maybe they will tell them to flip off, will think something negative about them, or will cast a despising look. Fear simply shows that the individual is not ready to perform a certain action. Nature arranges everything in such a way that it filters strong individuals from the weak ones; the strong ones mate and support their kind. The way out in this case is to learn enough information because you are afraid only of what you do not control, and you cannot control what you don’t know.

Gossiping, persecuting etc — it’s difficult to fulfill a real consequence, so a wrong consequence is exercised

It’s difficult for this type of person to exercise the consequence, or at least he thinks so, so it’s exercised negatively or only verbally. For example, it’s difficult for a burglar to find a normal job and earn money, so he goes the easiest way of resistance; he robs apartments. A drug addict follows the path of least resistance; instead of quitting the source of his problems, he steals car stereos. Or someone talks politics in front of a TV set only because he can’t cope with his life; instead of trying to change something himself; for example, running for political office and trying to taste everything himself. Or another one only remembers the old days when he used to be a big reason; now he makes his reason into memories only, not real actions in the present. Or women sit down together and gossip about other acquaintances or relatives feeling either happy because

they are better or are smarter way, or feeling jealous because they are not doing so well. If one wants to achieve something one mustn’t lie on the sofa. If one wants to achieve something one must go through a conflict and defeat the difficulties that arise, in reality and with real action. If the reason has declined significantly due to a habit, it becomes less easy to defeat the obstacles. As a result, actions also become easier: 1. Negative — when one starts doing things in the easiest way, such as cheating or stealing. Some rich people, seeking to gain as much wealth as possible, as soon as possible, cheat; some kill their rivals; some get loans in shady ways, buy enterprises with loans, lead them into bankruptcy, sell property and don’t return the loan. Most often they just lie: WorldCom, for example, largest bankruptcy in US history. 2. Verbal — when a person only talks that it would be good. This person only talk about what he would like to, that he will do it soon; in reality he doesn’t start anything or he starts but he doesn’t continue. 3. Imaginary —when a person only thinks that he is doing something but actually he does nothing. What leads us to incorrect reasoning? Our tiny opinions that, in the long run, have turned into habits.

7. 66

They don’t want to accept my idea, so now I will not tell them anything at all

This person inadequately reacts to rejection of his idea. It’s difficult to become the consequence of their opinion, or it’s difficult enough to be a reason, so I will not be a reason at all. A person who presents an idea, thereby becoming the reason, must be ready to hear an opinion about it, to become a consequence, even if it is rejection. If the person is not ready to become a consequence, he is also not ready to be the reason of that idea’s implementation. Person may think that he will be able to implement his idea but if he is not ready to hear the rejection, his idea is not real; it’s just words without the will to accomplish. In contrast, if rejection strengthens a person’s determination, the probability increases that the idea will come true.

The boss is bullying me but I can’t pay him back for the reasons known to all

All too frequently people become consequences of their bosses; you can’t spit this out to him because there is a possibility that you will lose your job. Often, people who are this kind of consequence pour their emotions out on their family. However, there are other ways to find a balance: go to the gym, change the job, find out the reasons for the behavior of the boss, and so on.

Racism, xenophobia — I don’t want to be the consequence of a different skin color

There can be many superficial reasons of racism: past traumas, mistaken and absolutely stupid convictions

and opinions, or just an attempt to compensate for one’s miserable life. The roots of xenophobia lie in the reptile brain, where the instinct of survival is programmed. The reptile brain kind of tells “avoid the ones who are different than you because they can be dangerous,” or, “eat the different one because they are food.” Despite the evolution of higher cognitive functions, some people are not able to control their impulses and often act without thinking. People can just compensate the failures of their lives by blaming people of a different race or a different faith for their misfortunes; blaming others is easier for them than getting from their filthy sofa.

10.

Staying quiet — I’ve become your consequence, but now I don’t want to be the cause either

A person becomes some consequence of another person. He doesn’t like that he has become a consequence but he does not say so; he doesn’t become the reason or participate in the full communication. In this way the person may accumulate silenced moments until he explodes and pours out. All that is needed here is a tiny word as a reaction to something that you don’t like. People who have learned high levels of self—control only create greater problems because their accumulated impulses often turn into neurosis, psychosis, depressions and other rather serious problems. If people perform the full cycle of communication, they will be in balance, and they will have no problems. Generally the reason for any of a person’s problems is a communication, such as maintaining silence, attempts

to cut away the communication, or talking without listening.

For example, a child asks for something but the parents do not pay attention. The child keeps asking over and over again and the parents are still silent. Finally they snap and yell at the child to stop asking. If they try to control their wish to yell at such moments, they develop depression. All this wouldn’t happen if they participate in communication.

11.

Hysteria and other desperate attempts to draw attention, get what person wants12 — a desperate attempt to become a reason

When a person sees that he fails to be the reason, he starts seeking it desperately. As compensation of this failure is hysteria. Generally speaking, hysteria is one of the illnesses of immaturity. If someone hasn’t learned to be a normal reason, they become a distorted reason. If one wants to be a normal reason rather than a verbal, imaginary, or distorted one, it will be necessary to learn the difference between people who are successful and who aren’t.

12.

Unfaithfulness to a sexual partner and constant reproaches about unfaithfulness

Such qualities are part of histrionic personality disorder.

If one wants to reduce any conflict, especially when one is guilty for unfaithfulness, all one has to do is to shut up and not speak while the partner is telling what he thinks. Resolving conflicts in this way may end them quickly and ensures that there will be fewer of them in the future. There are only two explanations for why conflicts go on, turn into nonâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;talking days, and breakâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;ups: firstly, someone is silent, when he should speak; secondly, someone is talking and trying to prove that he is right when he should remain silent. If your infidelity made someone a consequence, and you want to solve this problem, let him be a sufficient cause, let him talk until relief. In this way the problems are decoded. Divide your life into causes and consequences, and it will be much clearer where to start and where the turbulences of forces exist. If you want me to decipher your situation, you will find information how to get in touch with me at the end of this book.

Balancing process All that we feel exists only because of some resistance or blockade. Let’s say anxiety exists only because it is thought that one should try to get rid of it. Fear exists because it is thought that it’s bad. Pain exists only because one tries to suppress it or stop it. Every emotion or impulse of pain lets you know about something that you should change. If you try to stop it, the impulses keep coming and multiply, and the pain doesn’t stop. If you consciously encourage your acceptance and knowledge about pain, the pain passes faster. Method of acceptance I often use is “wanting that” or “wanting more” method. If something is bad — want it. If you are afraid — want it. If it hurts — want it.

One of the first applications of this method was with my mother. She had dropped a heavy piece of metal on her foot. I told her, “Want even more of this pain,”. She answered, “Oh, it started hurting even more.” Next I said, “Want exactly this pain even more.” A few minutes later the pain vanished. A bit later, big black bruise rose over damaged big toe.

Why does this method work? If we can imagine problem as a dam, the building of a higher dam will just increase the problem. You have to “take the dam back” or 71

perform the opposite action; instead of building it higher, to take out the dam, not to build it even harder. One may say “how I can want it more, when I’m already feeling very badly, but “at least 15 laboratory and clinical studies make the growing case for the role of acceptance. For example, one study showed “that acceptance of chronic pain was associated with less pain, disability, depression and pain—related anxiety, higher daily uptime, and better work status. Results from these analyses demonstrated that acceptance of pain repeatedly accounted for more variance than coping variables.13“ One of the most impressive applications of this method is quitting legal or illegal drugs. Here I’ll provide full conversation of “wanting it” process with one woman, G.B., from Salisbury, NC, USA.

“My problem is actually an energy issue: I have very low energy, and it bothers me. I can’t do everything I want to do, even cleaning house... I just run out of energy and have to rest. I’ve been taking Paxil14 for about a year now. I started off at 10 mg/day and have worked

Pain Management Unit, Royal National Hospital for Rheumatic Diseases & University of Bath, Bath, UK 14 Paroxetine (Paxil, Seroxat) is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressant. It was released in 1992 by the pharmaceutical company GlaxoSmithKline. In 2006 it was the fifth—most prescribed antidepressant in the United States retail market, with more than 19.7 million prescriptions. The prescription of this drug is controversial because of side effects such as

my way up to 120 mg. (When the energy issue bothered me, I was supposed to regulate my dosage and got up to taking one 60 mg in the morning and one at night.) I tried to stop taking it once several months ago and tried skipping doses and days and then breaking tablets in half, etc. I had some pretty severe withdrawal symptoms (“the zaps” which feel like electrical shocks, shakiness, and difficulty eating). So the people where I work just insisted that I ‘take my medicine’. I have taken other antidepressants during the past twelve years or so and have been able to stop both ‘cold turkey’ and by slacking off.” I suggested the following to the lady: 1. Quit this drug. 2. When symptoms occur, tell yourself “I want exactly what I’m feeling now.” Make yourself feel that you really want what you are feeling now. Make yourself believe that you really want what you are experiencing now, at this moment. Keep repeating this phrase until all the symptoms are gone. 3. Breath deeply. 4. Tell me what happens. Soon I got the answer:

“I am feeling fine.

suicidal ideation and withdrawal syndrome which have resulted in legal proceedings against the manufacturer.

ENERGY: Yesterday, I awoke before 7 AM and “stayed going” (working: housework, office work, yard work (I set out my annual flowers yesterday), church work, shopping, etc.) until 10 PM. THIS IS UNHEARD OF. I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. I usually sleep much later and can hardly get out of bed, have to stop during the day to take naps, and go to bed early, sometimes by 6 PM.” Second day:

“I’ve done the ‘I want what is now’ about 3 times so far. I have NOT had any of the really bad feelings I had last time I tried to quit. The breathing helps. Just one breath and I feel better!”

Third day:

“I’m feeling fine. No withdrawal symptoms from Paxil at all except a little dizziness and I handled that with wanting more of it and breathing as in your recipe. It works!”

Fourth day:

0 74

“I really am feeling fine physically and mentally. You have done more for me than 30

years of doctors, pills, therapy and hospitalizations!” There are only two main actions — creation and destruction, traction and repulsion, reason and consequence. If we want to create something, we have to tell a lie; for anything to exist, there must be a lie, some deviation from environment. For example, if we say “we can”, even if we cannot, we encourage ourselves to be able to, although initially we are just lying to ourselves. The better we lie, the more we believe in our lie, and the bigger the probability that it will crystallize. Just like an alcoholic goes on repeating “I’m not an alcoholic. I’m not an alcoholic,” and from this repetition he is still actually the same alcoholic. The alcoholic lies about his state, so it remains. And if we want to destroy something, even something as complicated thing as pain or addiction, we have to find out the truth first and then claim it as our own. In Alcoholics Anonymous meetings the first step is admitting the truth: “I am an alcoholic.” The alcoholic admits his state, so it starts diminishing. If you want to destroy something, you have to find out the truth—what it is, where it is, how it is and when it is. “Wanting this” means to admit the truth as it is, not to avoid it. “Wanting it more” means to balance out opposing forces and move from rejection, consequence — “I reject my feelings” to active participation — “I know how I feel, but I accept that and move beyond.” Two forces, rejecting and accepting even more of it, neutralize each other and the problem starts to vanish. If you are avoiding something, you already are in the consequence of that thing or situation; that is why you are feeling this way. By making yourself a cause over it, saying “I can control it, even I can want more of it”, you can get rid of being the consequence in the fastest way. 75

Following events of withdrawal from Paxil:

“Wanted you to know that I’m experiencing a withdrawal symptom: itchy creepy crawly like little bugs are crawling on me. I try to want more and to breathe through, but I guess I’m not that strong yet. I do know that this is a neurological, nervous symptom.”

I told her, “basically, if you feel exactly these bugs, you have to want exactly them more in order to balance things.”

“I am doing better... bugs are gone. Blessings to you and I’ll be back tomorrow. (I got through my business conference just fine: no Paxil, no Advil, no Fiorinal #3… just my Tadas Rx and Recipe.”

The third week:

“Hey there. Are you keeping up with when I stopped taking Paxil? I haven’t; I just simply threw it away and made up my mind not to take it anymore. This has been my worst day so far. My vision is very blurred and the zaps (the ‘electrical shocks’) have started in my feet and legs. It’s even hard to sit still; I’ve jumped lots of times today, but I don’t think anyone has seen me. It’s sort of a sick, scary

feeling. I’m making it through, but this has been a tough day.” I wrote: “Do not even try to use the process of wanting more desperately. It will not work. Desperation is the understanding that you are becoming the consequence, that you are not a cause enough. The point is that you HAVE LOST the understanding of what this process really performs: 1. Sit down and RELAX! 2. IDENTIFY all the symptoms; try to feel them with imaginary hands. 3. And THEN try to SENSE that you want it. If the process does not work, it’s only because you have lost the understanding of WHAT truly EXACTLY you feel. Just concentrate; IDENTIFY WHAT IT is and want it EXACTLY. Do not even try to repeat many times numbly ‘I want this’. It will not work and it has never worked. This process works with your emotions, thoughts and senses that are here and now, that is, with exact rather than imaginary information. It’s better to relax, identify, and say only once, ‘I want exactly WHAT I have just identified’.”

“I’m better. Thanks. Now I must print this recipe and carry it with me!”

So, it is a common case… In the long run it starts to seem that the pieces of advice stop working, one loses his track and fails. The reason lies in the neurological threshold of sensitivity; the nervous system habituates. It seems

to the person that he is doing what he is meant to do, but actually it’s not the case. The opinions and neurostructures of the person are just trying to bring everything back to the usual positions, the previous comfort zone. That is the answer why it is extremely difficult to change usual behavior. I got one more remark:

“Wanting more works unless I am very tired.”

Yes because the fatigue decreases attentiveness; fatigue makes it more difficult to notice what is really going on, stops receiving true information. Moreover, one needs energy for “wanting that”. In case of tiredness, the energy might not be enough to generate that opposing force that can balance out the addiction. Don’t be mistaken; addiction is a strong, physical, as well as psychological thing. It is difficult to quit smoking. It is difficult to quit drinking. It is even more difficult to quit all the “hard drugs.” When there is an addiction, in your brain there are formed reliable and firm structures that make an addict to get the doze again and again15. If the body doesn’t get a dose, the brain starts signaling with pain and other sensations, forcing addict to get the dose. In this case the logic is, “If it hurts, escape the pain by getting a dose.” The mind always finds the easiest way to survive in the best or fastest way possible. Speed in nature always guarantees a better survival. If you run fast, you can run away from the predator. If you run fast, you will catch a dinner for yourself. So our

Addictive drugs are postulated to enhance the reward and drive circuits in the hypothalamus and to decrease the connections to the control centre in the frontal area.

mind also often obeys to this basic rule of survival, and despite the activities of higher nervous system, it always tries to go the fastest possible way. But the easier way may eventually turn into a harder way. In order to get rid of the addiction, you may have to go through the harder way. That is why instead of avoiding the pain by getting the dose, you are trying to get more pain. The pain grows stronger because you want it; it disappears when the critical point is achieved and the existing structure destroys itself. Most often you don’t need “want it” or “wanting more” method, you simply need to allow things just happen and flow by. If the problem is not too strong—that is, it’s not pain or other strong sensation—one can balance phenomena, not necessarily by a wish, but with a declaration of the existing thing. For example, if you avoid doing some sort of work, you can just say, “I’m avoiding this work”; most probably you will start doing that work with enthusiasm. Or, many people know such a phenomenon. You cannot find something, you tell this to someone, and at once you find the thing that you are looking for. You just need to say it.

One person used to say all the time, “I will never live in a flat; I will live only in a house,” but later he had to settle for a flat. Or one old lady broke her leg by falling down a three—step staircase. One man laughed at

her and then, one day, he himself fell down the same stairs and split his skull. Yet another person used to say “I will never take anything from my mother,” and soon everything turned upside down, he was in need for help from his mother. One person, having heard how a child of other parents fell ill with pneumonia, said, “This happened because they don’t look after their child,” and a couple of months later he had to go to hospital with his own sick child. Or another person used to repeat, “I will never live in a stinky town,” and soon after that he settled there. Another person kept reproaching another, “why are you quitting school? Don’t do this. It’s very bad,” and she also quit the same school a month later. This is how the Universe balances things. If you say or do some unbalanced thing like reproach, envy, evil joke, you soon can get opposite. In overall, if you try to be too much “righteous”, the Universe will disapprove that. If you make some broad statements which are not true in nature, you will get opposite force. The Universe will arrange everything in such a way that everything will be in a perfect balance. If you have something on your mind, you better keep quiet until you make it come true; there is a possibility that it will not come true if you share it. You can just waste your energy for talking, not leaving it for real action. When the time comes to move beyond, in order to ensure a better survival the mind formulates an impulse or some idea. If you start talking about it, the energy is wasted on words, not on a real action. 80

The first sign that you may not accomplish some work is that, before trying to do it, you say that you will do it. Why does wrong happens after something good? Because we talk too much about having something and we show it off to the others too much; in so doing we neutralize what we have got. When the mind experiences all it has, it suddenly reorients itself towards new “pastures”. It is one of the characteristics of the survival instinct. One of the reasons why the Hollywood stars get married and divorced so often is that they appear in public too often, talk about it too much, and waste the energy of what they’ve got. When this happens, the mind simply reorients itself towards new impressions. Another example, if you want to earn more money, you should “get enough” of the shortage of money, and not to stop the emerging attraction towards a better state.

If one wants to move out of the comfort zone to a better state, one has to face all the truths about one’s present situation.

Generally, balancing is the straightening of curves. If you cannot do something, it means that instead of the straight line of will there is a distorted line that occurred because of faulty information; the line is directed not towards the goal, but somewhere else. When you balance out forces, when the curve (the lie) becomes a straight line (the truth) and a fast way, the goal emerges. Let’s get back to our case on Paxil. A few months later that woman wrote about all her experience:

“Let me begin by saying that the recipe works. But also let me share my thoughts about it since I first read it, and started following it, on May 22, 2002. (Today is July 23.) Paxil withdrawal recipe: four simple steps in an e—mail. That’s it???? I don’t have to stay up all night reading information? I don’t have to memorize anything, buy anything, go anywhere? There are no warnings or scary hypothetical scenarios? Four steps: Quit this drug; Want exact the same I feel now; Breathe deeply; Tell me what happens. And....Signed...”Believe, Tadas” OOOOOOOO—K. First Step. (Am I really going to do it? Am I really going to believe I can?) Quit the drug. Don’t take it anymore. Not even one time. Throw it away. I did! I’m not sure why. I think just because I was so sick of feeling the way I did I had to do something else. When the pain of your experience becomes great enough, you become willing to try something different. So I threw my Paxil away.

Second step: When withdrawal symptoms come, think “I want exact the same I feel now.” and Third step: Breathe deeply. (Those two went together for me.).” Why did I add the step of breathing? Breathing facilitates communication flow. Inhaling — “I want this. I breathe it into myself. It’s the action of reason.” Exhaling — rejection, the action of consequence. Second part from same final mail:

“When withdrawal symptoms come...—not IF they come, but WHEN...because they will! The drug you are taking is a very real chemical and you will experience withdrawal from it. The symptoms may vary in number and strength, but the ones I had (not all at one time!) were: •

blurred vision

•

dizziness

•

the sensation of “bugs” crawling on me

•

“zaps” like electric shocks

•

insomnia

•

loss of appetite, difficulty eating and swallowing

•

stomach upset, diarrhea

•

nervousness

•

panic

And in the midst of one or several of those things, I’m supposed to think „I want exact the same I feel now.” And breathe deeply. I was surprised, but truly, if you don’t resist the feelings, when you relax and breathe deeply, they do either subside or go away completely. There was a day that I was really so uncomfortable I couldn’t go about my regular routine and had to practically stay in bed, but I used both heat and ice on my neck (at separate times...both worked about the same) and was intentional about relaxing and breathing deeply. I made it through ok. Step Four — Tell Tadas....and Believe. Knowing that Tadas was there, and most of all, that he cared, and that he would answer my e—mails and tell me what to do made me believe that the recipe would work. It’s pretty amazing that someone in Lithuania could be more understanding and helpful to me than my family, friends, doctors and therapists, but that’s exactly what I experienced throughout the withdrawal process. I truly believe that if I had shared my symptoms and thoughts, especially my fears, with anyone on this side of the Atlantic, I would have been back on medication or in a hospital. I was taking two 60 mg. tablets of Paxil a day, one in the morning and one at night. That is a very high dosage which can cause its own problems and side effects. I threw it away on May 22 and have not had even one mg. since. I am not at all worried about my brain chemistry or my energy level, because I feel better and accomplish more now than I ever have. 84

I know that when the withdrawal symptoms from this CHEMICAL begin, there is fear. Real fear. And the thought „maybe I ought to take Paxil again...” But for me it was best to make up my mind not to take it anymore, throw it away, and deal with each symptom (with your help) as it came. Relaxing, breathing, and taking it easy during the first days really helped me. If people can go back in their memories and think of that moment when their doctor wrote the PRESCRIPTION for Paxil, handed it to them, and gave them the HOPE that taking this drug would make them feel better, have more energy, etc. and then TRANSLATE that into an equal, exact BELIEF in Tadas’ RECIPE and the benefits of being drug free... IT WILL WORK! And they will save a lot of money, confusion and suffering by doing it! My true opinion of the Taking Paxil Off Recipe? It’s a miracle!” Four years have passed since this event and the woman says that she doesn’t use any drugs. There is always a salvation. When an x—factor gets involved, all the laws of neurophysiology lose their sense. That x—factor is the consciousness. Only by striving for a better awareness of consciousness and understanding how the body is controlled by the consciousness can we be more free, more understanding and, of course, much happier. The consciousness decides how to react to events. The consciousness decides if one should follow the robotic 85

body or not. The consciousness decides if one should get angry or not. The consciousness decides if one should be happy or not. The consciousness decides if one should be abundant in every part of its life or not. What the consciousness thinks is the reality. The consciousness creates everything what is civilized and truly humane. Humans are the only ones who have such an opportunity to control the psyche and the processes that take place in the body with the help of consciousness â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to control the images of the mind, ideas, emotions. No other animal has such an ability, and we can be proud of it. All that we have comes from the consciousness. And we decide everything with the help of our awareness.

III. What you believe is what you get

Consciousness as a source of problems A man is meant to live well. A man is meant to live rich and happy in an overwhelming abundance of everything. Nobody says that you must be unhappy or not wealthy. Nobody says that you must be unsuccessful. After all, everyone else is successful, the trees grow successfully, the river successfully flows into the sea, and the squirrel, even with crooked teeth, successfully eats nuts. Of course, trees have to face worms, rivers have to overcome damps, and squirrels have to fight beavers, but the trees accept it naturally — they fight as much as they can — and the rivers flood and make a terrible noise. Only our poor squirrel does not know that squirrels do not fight beavers. A continuous problem arises only when you yourself create one and maintain it for yourself. When the truth is one, but you lie to yourself, and in this way you strengthen your state that in the long run becomes “impossible to change.” When everything goes wrong, you can just excuse yourself by saying “life is like this,” “the circumstances that I’ve been through,” “hard times,” “I came across bad people,” “I don’t know how,” “I cannot,” and so on. It’s just more convenient to justify yourself. It is more convenient not to react instinctively, not to think, 88

and not to do what you should do. It’s more convenient to run like a rat in maze, not stopping to think on how to improve the effectiveness and pleasure of the work that you do. A friend of mine said once “It’s impossible.” But, I said, “Who told you that? How much have you read about this? With how many thousands of people have you communicated? How many those for whom that was possible you met? How much of the world have you seen that you can claim that it’s impossible?” The answer was “Really, never though about that before.” People tend to follow their habit or opinion justifying it; they just cut—”it’s impossible!” but they don’t even try to take a look. It seems that they are young people but they are already writing themselves off; they think that life is over with they become an adult. The truth is that a person who claims that something is impossible actually has limited his outlook with one certain point. If we took a deeper and wider look we would see that practically everything is possible, and it all comes down to resources: time, skills, effort, ability to assemble more recourses, and so on. For example, a stupid belief exists that by doing a hard and tiring work one can earn his well—being. And again it is just a justification or fear to stop rat race, or to take a different, wider look, and think at least a little bit. No matter how clever, in our opinion, our convictions are, the Universe will put everything in its place. If we have problems, it means that somewhere we have such false opinions or convictions that they block the natural flows of communication; in this way they create ponds in which they are drowning. In other words, life is a river with certain goals; the dams in their way are our false convictions that stand in the way of natural survival. 89

The point is that we are forced to obey the instinct of survival. We grow, we automatically learn how to live, we are automatically curious in order to gain the knowledge that we need to survive, we find the best job we can, and we try to find the best life partner that we can. There is no problem in this. The problems appear when we have an false opinion about all this and in this way we distort the natural streams of energy. If we are conscientious enough, we admit that some continuous problems are simply justifications of the helplessness of our will, just like when we are quitting smoking we find hundreds of justifications why smoking is good and useful.

Our mind is the source of all problems; it creates objections (opinions and beliefs) between the natural order of the Universe and what we would like to be.

In order to survive more easily or be faster at success, people learn certain rules of life, beliefs, habits, stereotypes, presumptions; in other words, they have “opinions.” The fact is, however, that there are no absolutely correct rules of survival. There are no absolutely correct opinions. There are no absolutely correct beliefs. There is only an extremely difficult reality that we all are trying to simplify in order to live more easily to certain rules or laws. Opinions are acquired in order to survive more easily. When an elk has a premature opinion about a wolf, it’s easier for the elf to run away just by smelling the wolf’s scent on time.

But in the world of the animals that have language and the gift of thinking, the aspiration to survive in the best possible way can acquire the strangest forms, such as slavery, racial profiling, lynch mobs, genocide, ethnic cleansing, religion, religious persecution, pogroms, ephebophobia, gerontophobia, and others that do not bring any good to humanity. It would be rather difficult to live if we considered every action that we make thoroughly. Instead, we have automatic rules, such as “it’s allowed,” “it’s forbidden,” “it’s needed,” “it’s not needed,” “I like it,” “don’t like it,” “I want,” or “I don’t want.” How automatic rules are acquired? Let’s say a misfortune befell a person; feeling helpless because he believes that he could do nothing, he started transfers power of doing actions to some imagined creature; he starts believing in gods. You sort of admit that you are too week to cope with the hardships of life, too week to take the total responsibility for your life; because of this you search for protection by passing on your power to someone else — another person, the circumstances, gods or other beliefs that you yourself grant with power. Your life now depends not on you, but on someone else. Rules are often obeyed when there is a greater danger of survival. The mind acts like this because, in the case of danger, there is no time to think; you obey the first rule that you encounter, and then in similar circumstances you obey to the scheme that has formed already. If once you felt hopeless and admitted that not you are doing your outcome, but someone else, you may admit it again and again, and after all you will not be able to move anything. Also, as soon as the triggers of such a scheme occur, the scheme switches on and works. For example, if we read some book in school, experience hopelessness and 91

make an final opinion “I do not understand this”, later we can develop habit without even opening, just by seeing some other book just say “I don’t read those books, I don’t understand them.” In cases of violence, mockery or similar cases a person takes the rules and habits of survival of an aggressor or of a victim. Some people are destroyed by the threat to their survival, others become stronger, and yet others become aggressors.

Opinions are acquired while communicating, in other words, — while living.

Being a victim is an ability that requires a lot of effort because one has to waste a lot of energy in order to maintain all the self—limiting rules. As a rule, victims are usually always tired. If you face an aggressor, you have two options: to respond to the aggression with aggression and defend yourself, or to obey the aggressor and become food. Since resisting the aggressor is rather dangerous — this is what the human mind “thinks” — a person usually chooses the role of obedience, especially if the aggressor is “beloved” or these people are tied by some other bonds, such as the bonds of property or “safety”. After attacking, the aggressor usually becomes calmer because his mind “thinks” that it finally performed its reason, and the new victim, who has become a consequence of his belief, hopes that “Well, it will probably not happen again. He will be better and basically he is good.” In this way opinions emerge; we live, we communicate, and we face forces that are opposite to us; then we choose how to react to those conflicts and we acquire an

opinion. These opinions can be negated or confirmed, again it depends on our own choice, and they can become habits that influence the quality of our life. People become consequences — victims of circumstances, other people, and, of course, gods — because it’s more convenient like this. It’s much more convenient to lie on the sofa than to chop it and getting up. It’s convenient to live in the comfort zone of a victim, to be someone’s food, or to go calmly to the same job every day. Your alcoholic husband beats you but it’s fine with you because divorcing him is inconvenient, it will be too problematic, and you don’t know what awaits you in the future. This is how the human’s animal side thinks. I want to change something but I’m afraid, so I go on lying on my bed. The person himself decides how the feeling of insecurity will influence his personality. The more aware of his personality he is, the more he recognizes his feelings and their reasons, the higher the possibility that the danger to his survival will strengthen him; the less aware he is, the less he realizes his feelings, and the higher the possibility is that he will take up the roles of a victim or an aggressor. Not seeing any medium normal way out, he will cast himself to extremes. One should think like this “I have this problem and I’m afraid very much but I realize that I am afraid and the fear stops my actions. So, no matter how much I am afraid, I will try to find more information so that the fear disappears and I’ll start getting results.” Don’t think like this: “I have this problem, I have this problem, I have this problem and I’m afraid very much, I’m afraid very much, I’m afraid very much. Help me. Take compassion about me.” If you have a continuous problem: •

Analyze it,

•

Consider it,

•

Ask about it,

•

Question your opinions and beliefs about it,

•

Communicate it,

•

Change your opinions and actions,

But don’t •

Repeat your usual opinion.

A human lives in this Universe and encounters and communicates with other humans. In these encounters rules of survival, opinions are formed. Depending on the events, to certain things attraction is formed, to other things — repulsion. In this way a human becomes a complex being. The rules of survival, opinion and belief can form in two ways: subconsciously or consciously. For example, it is known that in families where violence was present, violence may be replicated in the families of offspring. In the subconscious, it happens similarly to this “Aha, he defeated me. It means he is stronger than me. It means he survives better. It means that if I become like him, I will also defeat others, and it means a better survival for me.” Another example of how beliefs influence outcome, “in some Asian cultures, women are driven to suicide or are killed by family members in order to relieve the family of their shame.16“

5 16

Consciousness is a psychokinetic machine that can grant, take away or transfer the

Heise et al. 1994

power to control phenomena, situations, events, places, and time to itself and to others. When winter comes, trees shed their leaves and get ready to sleep; bears eat plenty of salmon before they go to their caves to hibernate. In nature, worms multiply, birds eat them, other predators eat the birds, and so on; the natural balance is kept. In nature problems do not exist unless a misbalance is maintained artificially for a longer span of time. The balance exists in nature because no individual is strong enough to misbalance things in such a way that problems would occur. Problems can exist only in more linear formations; for example, between the goal and the obstacle. The only thing that can hold longâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;term linear formations is the consciousness. Nature is fractal; in other words, the nature is too irregular, and its separate aspirations of individuals are too shortâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;termed for continuous conflicts to be possible. For something to exist, there must be a lie in it; in other words, some kind of steadiness. There are no problems in randomness because a formation that has just appeared disappears just as naturally, influenced by another formation. But consciousness can, with the help of will, maintain formations as long as they are needed. Then stronger and longer conflicts appear. In nature, killing another being can lead to increased survival because you get to eat and the other one can no longer compete with you. However, nature also has mechanisms of selfâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;regulation; few species are allowed to spread across too big an area to cause a misbalance. When intelligence gets involved, it becomes possible to

keep oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s aspiration to survive much more effectively, which means to multiply and cause misbalance. The only thing in the Universe that can create certain stability is mind or consciousness. If animals obey impulses when they come, and not more often, and compete with impulses of other individuals only as much as they are programmed, the human can maintain and, in various ways, strengthen his impulses for a extended period of time, in this way causing both positive and negative stability, in this way gaining an incomparable power to compete. There are many accidents in the nature but they all serve to maintain the balance. And the only thing that misbalances this natural order is the human mind. The mind may think in a totally different way than things really are; as a consequence misbalance appears, which means problems as well.

Opinion becomes belief A man will always look for justifications for his opinions, beliefs, faiths, or habits. Once he accepts certain rules, a person tries to search for proofs of them and for confirmations as proof that he is really surviving in the best possible way, that the rules according to which he lives are the best of all the possible rules.

To make it easier to survive, an opinion always looks for confirmation.

Where the person invests the electric energy that is born in his head – it’s only up to a person’s choice. Like Dostoyevsky said: “Those who don’t want look for reasons, those who do want look for means.” Nature needs the confirmation of the opinion? In order to make the individual believe that he is surviving in the best possible way. For such an opinion to grow strong, quite long a period of time has to pass for a strong neurostructure to form. This kind of opinion is necessary for the best possible survival. That does not mean that in reality person’s opinions are always right; in order to survive he just needs to believe those opinions are right. Such an opinion relieves and guarantees the smallest possible stress. If an individual thinks that he is surviving not in the best way, differ-

ent conflicts emerge. That is why it’s easier to create a certain opinion and keep it until it becomes a habit. It is easier to follow a habit because every habit is automatic. Not every opinion is automatic; it is in such a stage, when it still can be reconsidered, chosen as if it is right, as if it really causes a better survival. One who believes in astrology sees that it really works. One who believes in gods everywhere sees confirmations that they exist. One who believes that the government is bad will see confirmations of that everywhere. A patient who got a homeopathic remedy believes that he got a real medication and it works for him. One who believes that he doesn’t get paid enough will try to get the kind of job where he gets paid so little and will not see any opportunity to live better. In this way problems arise, such as inconsistencies and conflicts between reality and person’s opinions. Mind is the only thing that can maintain stability that does not depend on the circumstances. The reality can be in one way, and we think in a different way, we can create a conflict and we can maintain it; hence. we don’t understand what is happening with our life. This is how a person lays a bumpy road in front of himself. If you have some opinion, you will tend to find a confirmation to it. This is how convictions work; they filter the signals that come to human’s consciousness. This is why it is very important for a person to keep a sober mind and to be always ready to change his opinion. If you change your opinions, it means that you are moving somewhere. If you are moving somewhere, it means that you live. The problem of miscommunication with some people who come to look for help and ask to solve their problems lies in the fact that they are not expecting the truth or the correct information; they are looking for a CONFIRMATION of their own truths. Why do they need the infor98

mation if it will cast them out of the safe position of the comfort zone? Every belief or rule — it’s a pattern in the brain that organizes the world in the way that you need. But that organization is not always right; that is why people with their opinions and beliefs often make their life on the way to their goals more difficult. People like to create various senseless problems just to be able to justify their inactiveness, or to be able to avoid the work that should be done and do work that’s valueless. A belief filters from the REALITY (everything that exists) the signals that come and gives you only those that you believe in, in this way confirming your truths. But are our opinions only true? According to the definition, if your opinion is the truth, you are free; you live in the abundance of everything (wealth, love, self— expression...). If not, are our opinions really only true? This is how a person who believes that life is shitty and meaningless will see everywhere only black colors, misfortunes, unlucky accidents, catastrophes and so on; he will filter out everything that is good. Someone who believes that life is beautiful will see only beauty and will filter out everything that is bad; he will avoid looking into the eyes of evil. And, of course, these beliefs will influence their actions and lives. The truth is that life is neither beautiful nor unbeautiful; it is the way it is. It’s senseless to blame life for some image of yours about it, for something that it is not and cannot be. When a person learns to understand this he will be able to participate in life without problems. A person who believes in this or that thing gives to himself thousands of examples and proofs to support his rule, to support his road of survival. 99

And itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like this not because the human is an evil on Earth and Satan gave them some original sin. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just that the river will always flow around the stone, not underneath it; a hungry squirrel will always go to look for nuts, and she will not fall into despair because of the misery that fell on her.

100

It is the way you believe it is Other words to express that the mind is the source of problems or that we are our own friends and enemies are:

It is the way you believe it is.

That statement does not mean if you believe in flying cats, they will appear, no, it means something that is only for you or someone else who believes in same thing. If your belief is against the nature, you just create conflict which will take you if you’ll not change your belief. One of the best screen adaptations that showed how beliefs distort the reality was a film based on true events called “Monster (2003),” which won an Oscar award, among many others. For those who want a more mystical explanation of “It is the way you believe it is,” the most suitable film is “What dreams may come (1998).” This Oscar—winning movie was based on the story by the same title written by Richard Matheson. The author says that the only fictitious thing in this novel are the characters, and all the rest is based on the scientific investigations of Raymond Moody and Elisabeth Kuebler—Ross. The film shows how beliefs influence our life after death.

101

When too much attention is given to ghosts, people start believing that they are real. It is similar to paranoia, when a person is fiercely defending his system of delirium, as the broken operational system of the brain claims that the delirium is real. One more film that illustrates how people create their “destiny”, how beliefs exercised influence on life is “The Number 23 (2007),” based on the “Illuminatus” trilogy of R.A.Wilsono and Bob Shea. The law is universal, and it can be paraphrased in a number of ways: •

You see the way you watch.

•

What you think is real for you.

•

What you think about the person is what you get from him.

•

You will become like the people you mingle with.

•

What kind of things you see depends on what kind of eyes you look at them with.

•

What you see depends on what kind of glasses you wear.

•

The Bible: “You will be judged upon your words.”

•

Folk wisdom: “Birds of feather flock together.”

•

Quantum physics: “The observed is influenced by the observer.”

With this law people rule their lives: IF A PERSON THINKS THAT IT’S LIKE THIS, IT IS LIKE THIS. It means that if you have an idea that you’re drowning in problems, you will be drowning in problems. It means that if you think that you cannot know something, 102

you will not be able to learn it. It means that what gets attention, is created. Any thing first of all starts with a thought that you are able to make it. Any genius starts with a thought that you can be able to understand some serious problems. Inabilities are self—imposed by thinking you are unable to do something. Any abilities that are granted by the person himself, who thinks that he is able or will be able, that he will achieve it, that he will succeed. There are many facts that show that the abilities of humans are much greater than separate individuals can imagine. The only thing that separates the gifted ones from the ungifted ones is that the ungifted ones believe in their own inability or the inability of the mankind, and the gifted ones believe in their ability or the ability of the others. One strategy of survival is to have an imposed problem and to support it; another one is to raise the problem by yourself and to solve it in the direction that is useful to you. It has nothing to do with inborn abilities. When a person explain his problems because of his inborn qualities, he only limits himself to make his life easier. Even Einstein himself has said that he isn’t inborn genius he simply stays longer with his problems. When a person cannot do something he starts repeating to everyone “It was meant to be like this.” Well, actually he should say “Perhaps I cannot do it now but I will try to do it.” And let he do not pretend that he is the victim of the fate. In order to do something, in order to have some results, negative or positive, first of all we have to imagine it. If we start without a clear imagining, our life becomes like that too — without a clear vision, maybe even pointless. Everything starts in the mind. 103

One of many studies how beliefs influence results show Asian—Americans who were reminded that they were Asians performed better in tests of mathematics than those women who were reminded that they were women17. Another study says, “in several studies we have found that (1) although related, stereotypes, symbolic beliefs, emotions, and past experiences are far from redundant, and (2) each factor is, indeed, an important predictor of prejudicial attitudes.18“

If, on your way to the goal, you come across a mountain, you have to climb over it. But it’s just the outside of the phenomenon. The beginning doesn’t start with an arm or a leg; the beginning is in the mind, inside of which a nonlinear logic creates that unbeatable mountain. If I go to a shop for some cheese and I fetch it, the beginning of all the actions was precisely my wish (or image) to go to a shop and buy precisely cheese and not tea. That is a straight way from the mind to the legs and arms to achieve a result. And if I get tea instead of the cheese when I want cheese, but not tea, it already shows that something is wrong with me because the program broke down and it is distorting my results. Likewise, for some problems in our life to appear, the thought that precisely these problems must exist in our life must exist inside of us. 17

Ewen and Ewen, Typecasting: On the Arts and Sciences of Human Inequality, 2006, 3—10. 18 On the nature of prejudice. Canadian Psychology, Jan 1994 by Zanna, Mark P

104

For example, in order to get bad results instead of good results there must exist a program “not to do work until the end, but avoid being reason and break the straight line somewhere.” Sometimes people say “Why do I have this? I’m a good man,” and the reasons will lie in the “curved” logics or in some lie. When we replace our lies with the truth, we will never have problems. We can answer the question, “Why do I need problems?” and if you don’t need them then “Why do I have them?” That’s when all the possible opinions of ours will arise, and that’s what we have to start with.

Here is an old country lady sitting and whining that she cannot sell the milk that she has milked. She cannot even imagine that she can change her activity. It is unimaginable to her because she has convinced herself that she “doesn’t know” that different activities exist, activities that she would be able to perform better. She cannot imagine it, so she cannot do it. This is how her opinion, her belief or simply her habit has influenced her abilities; it means also her results, and it means also her life. Or a mother suffers a lot raise her children and totally forgets about herself and her needs; she lives only for her children who are grown long ago and she does nothing else. But actually she is just justifying her failures of the past and her helplessness against the competition of today. 105

Because of this thought she doesn’t even think how to do it in an other way or just in a different way. She just must; she doesn’t solve her own problem. What is it that doesn’t let her give more responsibility to the children? What makes her invent such beliefs and burden herself with such duties? Certainly, the forcing power comes from the person herself. Inside of her there is that stupid idea that she must do it, and while doing it she does good, although very often everything turns into opposite results. Some people may call the overdone care unconditional love but sometimes is not like this. Over—caring sometimes cane be as dangerous as non—caring; those are just opposite misbalances. For example, recent study show that in families where an overprotective mother dominates and the husband is absent, children grow up more often as homosexuals19. In order to have a healthy family, there must be a balance. There cannot be a misbalance of relationships between one of the parents and children; rules must be the same for all the children, and parents must be supportive to each other. When a misbalance occurs, conflicts occur, and eventually they may turn into something completely different from what the parents “believed in.” Generally opinions about the “good” and the “evil” are most rooted in the collective subconscious. Good and Evil are generally false concepts; they do not exist in nature which is why opinions with the concepts of good and evil distort the natural flow of events the most.

Lung, F.W., & Shu, B. C. (2007). Father—son attachment and sexual partner orientation in Taiwan. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 48, 20—26

106

For example, some parents have an opinion “I must be a good mother,” and because of that they often question themselves: “Am I a good mother?” Such an opinion exists because of the same aspiration to survive that is programmed in our subconscious as a result of the competition to survive in the best possible way by raising the strongest and the best offspring of all. And from such an opinion come things like doing everything for the sake of children, pampering, spoiling, working like slaves to give everything for their children. Finally the primal opinion about such benevolence gives the opposite result: children ask for help in every little thing, they do not become self—sufficient, they live with their parents until the age of 25 or longer, they don’t do anything, and they don’t work anymore. Because parents, believing in their behavior, create conditions convenient for the survival of the children, why should children try to do something if they have a habit formed, which says that if something happens to them, the parents will take care about everything? Even in folklore there are sayings and proverbs about that: „a favor of a bear”, „the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

A person thinks that he is doing well but actually everything goes upside down because, in the very beginning a lie existed.

107

Of course, a misbalance may be created in the opposite direction when parents who are too critical may create a person with an avoidant personality disorder 20 . A person trained like that trying to protect himself will avoid social activities and will avoid intimate relationships because he will be afraid of shame and critics; he will consider himself socially unacceptable. As we can see, on one hand the absence of critics will create a weak individual in the sense that he will be not trained enough to meet the difficulties; on the other hand, too harsh a criticism creates a weak individual in the sense that he is too cornered. In both cases a misbalance is created, which turns into various serious problems often for the rest of life. If one wants to live without problems, one must try to maintain balance in everything. One must act not according to the principals of the logics or—or, but according to the logics of and—and. A person doesn’t even think about a possibility to ease the burden of his obligations. With his thoughts he has closed himself in a cell without windows. He says, “This is my destiny and there is nothing I can change.” But he has forgotten that this destiny was given to him not by gods but by himself when he because some negligible thing started running away from the reality. As we know, there are only two main actions — the repulsion and the attraction, or the reason and the consequence. When a person’s reason (the push of the energy into the outside) significantly decreases, the aspiration to survive in the best possible way tries to compensate for the lack of energy by extracting it from somewhere else.

Avoidant personality disorder. Healthline Networks (2003). Retrieved on 2006—02—26.

108

For example, parents who have failed in the past may transfer their hopes to their children and force them to become geniuses. As a result, children suffer from stress and neurosis because they cannot be sufficient reasons of themselves.

Other people look at such a person and express sympathy “There you go. He is going through hard times, but as an honorable man he bears everything without complaining.” Others may say, “Why? It’s not convenient at all to impose a burden on yourself and look after tens of children who hang around at hut like animals.” But for some reason to live like this and sulk at those who have more is easier than changing one’s life fundamentally. It’s convenient to just prepare food day by day, to wash dishes and to wipe the same filthy cooker than to go out and strengthen your power among the people. People often justify their inactiveness with the lack of energy but the essence is only in the value of the actions, not in the amount of effort. Let’s say, washing dishes and sweeping streets is a work that creates a smaller value than, let’s say, the work of some manager or simply builder. But in both cases the consumption of energy is almost the same. Such formed actions exist because of some rooted opinion that has become a habit. Everything depends on formed opinions and habits. Let’s say, some people say, well, when I retire, I will have a rest, and when they do retire, they work from morning till evening just like before. They live with same 109

habits like before. Or some people win a million in a lottery and waste it and lose it right away, leaving nothing. Instead of working and saying that you’ll have a rest when you retire, you should have a rest today, so that work does not become rooted in habit. Instead of saying that you will enjoy life when your children grow up and arrange their lives, you better enjoy life now and make your children settle their lives right now. Because it may happen that the children will never settle out their lives, and you will not be able to change anything out of habit. The reason why you will not be happy and your children will not arrange their lives will be the same beliefs that stand in the way of everything that you want. With your beliefs you will make everything so that your children will not settle their lives and everything will stay as it was, in your happy comfort zone. On one hand we say, “I should take care of them,” and on the other hand we say, “let the children arrange their lives.” Isn’t the contradiction that causes the problem obvious? First of all, if you want your life to change, you have to change your words, and your broken programs that give away illogical objections. If you have the same results day by day, you should not repeat the same opinion, you should change your words. Some people will avoid conflicts as well as they can, and this will mean the end of them being the reason. Together with being the reason their abilities will end; all that will be left will be the ability to do nothing. A person acts as much as he thinks he is able to act. A person possesses as much as he thinks he is able to posses. If a person thinks that he cannot do something, he cannot. You can try to help him, but you will never help 110

until he changes this very important and “special” opinion of his. It’s similar to those who live from salary to salary and justify their inability to change the situation “rich people also cry.” To such people it is important not to improve their situation somehow but to justify the present situation.

The signals that reach you are filtered through the prism of your opinions, and you see only what you want to see, not necessarily what it really is.

When you see what really is not there, the view is distorted; you see a false view of the world. Seeing the false view of the world, you live according to it; that is, you live in a wrong way. If person doesn’t learn to react according to the circumstances, but belief, he with every event strengthens his primal opinion. It is not only important what you say but also how you say it. For example, if the thoughts/belief are easy, the result comes in the physical world, but more in the paranormal way. If thoughts are heavy, the result will also be heavier, it will be not so easy and “magic” to achieve it, and it will require more effort. In this case it is very important to learn to observe yourself in order to check what you really think, to see if you are not deceiving yourself, to make sure that you are not creating an illusion that you believe while actually you do not believe, and to make sure that you don’t think in one way while actually thinking in a different way. This is new because we all know how to create something with our hands; almost nobody offers us the under111

standing how to create something with well—directed actions of our mind only.

For example, I visualized my love for a long time until one day I had a dream about her, about how we were walking in the city. A couple of months later an interview with me was published in one magazine and she found me with the help of it, after she had found the magazine by chance in her aunt’s place. Some time later we were walking in the same place that I had dreamt about.

What is in your mind is in your life.

Before we used to grow vegetables with our hands, now we are growing giant invisible projects in our heads. Those new, life changing, projects first emerge in an “invisible,”, “non—existent” space – our minds. It’s difficult to comprehend how it is possible to earn millions by growing vegetables, but it’s easy to do it by growing a single idea in your head and planting it in “only ease.” Likewise our life starts in an effortless space, “in the great effortless nothing” of our mind. To someone his hands can be the reason of his well— being, but it should be understood that the reason of everything is the thought. Even for growing vegetables in the beginning one needs the understanding that they can be grown at all; one needs the idea to grow them and information how to grow them.

112

It’s the easiest to notice the proofs of the law “it is the way you believe it is” on the global scale.

For example, Lenin 21 and his gang had the opinion that socialism is the way to communism, and it is generally a better order. But this opinion during the seventy years of the “great experiment” led only to a total deficit, poverty and corruption; because of these things this order has to end. In the Soviet Union it was believed that collective property is a better form of property than private property. What was achieved by that? The achievement was that property did not belong to anyone and huge embezzlements started; they were furthermore encouraged by the deficit. The state tried to cope with that somehow. Criminals were shot but it was in vain because the property was mutual and one could do whatever he wanted with it. In other words again, people were just trying to compensate their necessity to be the reasons. If it’s impossible to be the reason, to have something your own, the balance of forces is distorted and they try to compensate it with the wrong reason of stealing. It was also believed that business is evil. It was believed that value should be created only by the state and not by any particular

Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov (1870—1924) —a Russian revolutionary, a communist politician, the main leader of the October Revolution, the first leader of the Soviet Union, the theorist of leninism (a variation of Marxism) .

113

person, and that this value belongs to everybody. Because of such a belief nobody was interested in being a normal reason. Why should one work if doing nothing one could get the same salary like an initiative engineer, and projects of engineers were hidden in the drawers of bureaucrats for years? Moreover, for being a reason (a businessman, a farmer) one would get punished. In this way nature was distorted. All the people in this system became consequences. They were less powerful; with less powerful people comes a less powerful state. Finally, the system had to die because no week individual survives long in nature. False beliefs led to wrong results.

114

The observed depends on the observer To everything that it observes, the consciousness introduces its signal – opinion, belief, rule:

Consider two groups of people, each given a pile of photographs; one group was told that the people were criminals, the other one was told that they were people who had done something good. People saw more good qualities in the pictures that were presented as pictures of people who had done some good deeds than vice versa. But the thing is that in the “good” group there were criminals and in the “bad” one there were good people. It shows that the consciousness introduced a signal into what it observes. In more simple words: what you think is true, is true (or becomes true).

In other words, not everything that you see is what you see, or not everything that you see is what you think you see.

115

In a similar research project, subjects were shown an ambiguous picture that could have been interpreted in two ways, such as a seal or the head of a horse. One meaning of the picture was associated with a tasty orange juice while the other was associated with a disgusting, sticky mixture made with gelatin. The results were that, of course, the meanings that were chosen were the ones that were related to the tasty juice.22 Other study says “analysis of a random sample of inmate records showed that Black and White inmates, given equivalent criminal histories, received roughly equivalent sentences. However, within each race, inmates with more Afrocentric features received harsher sentences than those with less Afrocentric features.23“ Another research project showed that belief in their effectiveness had a strong influence on the abilities of lifting of patients with backaches. Despite the pain, the patients who believed in their abilities were more effective. Belief also strongly influences perception because it creates the context through which

Heather Whipps. Desire Controls What We See, Study Finds, www.livescience.com 23 Irene V. Blair, Charles M. Judd, Kristine M. Chapleau (2004) The Influence of Afrocentric Facial Features in Criminal Sentencing Psychological Science 15 (10), 674–679

116

the perception is filtered. Research has been conducted that have supported the notion that beliefs exercise an influence on the senses of time and smell24. Beliefs also influence learning. For example, one survey showed that students who believe that mental capabilities are a fixed thing tend to raise “objectives of the activity” and, as a result, they become more vulnerable to possible failures. The students who believe that their mental capabilities are a flexible measurement tend to raise “learning objectives” and, as a result, they recover faster after failures. Any problem can be created and destroyed with well—directed thoughts. Both the creation and the destruction of the problem are performed with the help of attention. A problem emerges from a vision in the mind and, if attention is still given to this problem, it crystallizes in the physical world. The crystallized problem can be destroyed with the help of attention. When enough attention is given to analyze the problem, it disappears completely. It’s impossible to observe one’s own consciousness, so the only way to see what kind of pictures you have in your mind is your life. What is in your life is in your mind and what is in your mind is in your life. If we imagine that life from its beginning until the end is flowing water, then if you were a balloon to which the water is poured, finally you would explode. And vice versa, if you notice that the balloon is overfilling, with the help of mind you can simply change the directions of 24

Beliefs influence perception of natural & synthetic odors. Rachel S. Herz, Ph.D., Brown University

117

energy and solve all your problems (to let them out, to change the strategy, to stop them). Attention — it’s the ray of laser with which the consciousness controls the images of thought. The mind forms some image automatically; it’s the opinion about the phenomena that happen around in life. When the image is firmly settled in, the mind decides according to the formed image, not according to what the things are really like. For example, a smoker has an image of the pleasure to smoke and he obeys it, and he does not admit the images with lungs and vocal cords rotten from smoking. Thus consciousness introduced its signal into reality. The longer a certain image is being formed, the greater power it has in life. All images in the beginning start in “nothing,” “great ease,” in a void, and later they crystallize in a physical form. The person’s responses are faster when he is able to form images faster. In the beginning he has only a thought that he, for example, can build houses, then long months of subconscious preparation follow, and when the subconscious gets ready, the consciousness gives a result “I can do it already,” and the person becomes what he had dreamed about some time ago. Why do we need such long gaps of time? Many people can only pursue one main activity at a time. These people have to reprogram themselves for a new activity. The more complicated the activity is, the more responsibility it requires and the fewer resources one has — the more time is needed to form an image. In general, to form new skills two ways can be exploited: first, work in subconscious and time; second, information overload. Our law of everything can be defined like this: “What you give your attention to will happen.” If one time one 118

man deceives you, you will start giving attention to that; eventually you will start looking for a justification for this opinion and you will spend all your life thinking that all men are cheaters. And because you think this, you will look for cheaters only to prove that you are right. That’s how from a smallest seed, big problems grow. The full mechanism of “it is the way you believe it is:”

Event ¨ noticing (paying attention) ¨ image (opinion) ¨ (justification) ¨ habit ¨ result.

For example, some person is insulted; he notices that and gets nervous, an opinion forms that other people annoy him. Time goes by, the opinion is justified, subconsciously grown and becomes a habit. The result is neurosis. In other words, a person creates what he observes. If from the beginning he did not pay attention to a negative event, there wouldn’t be a negative result. From a thought to a result: “I think that I can do this work” ¨ “I can do this work” ¨ “This is my work” ¨ “I am the best worker in this field.” If one wants to achieve something, all he needs is the thought, “maybe I can do it” and then grow it into results. I remember when I was fifteen years old I started my business of computer repair just with the thought that I can do it. All you need is a thought and the stream that appears carries you wherever you need. What determines a person’s inclination to notice one or another phenomena, to react in a different way to events that occur? It’s the whole of all his opinions, instincts, beliefs; it’s the whole of his neurochemistry. 119

Basically, the tendency to notice and remember negative events is one of the parts of human survival. On one hand, he remembers in order to avoid such situations in the future; on the other hand, by giving less importance to his malefactors, he can gain a better balance. What we think about, we create. All that happens to us is exceptionally the result of our thoughts.

The thought that is accepted in the moment of catching a cold determines if you will fall ill with the cold or not. If in the moment of catching a cold there is a thought like “That’s it, I have a cold,” the person will be ill because he has just confirmed it. If there is a thought that it will have no consequences, the person does not become ill.

And let’s not confuse the real, “lightweight” thoughts with verbal ones in any way. It is very difficult to notice the “lightweight” thoughts; the mind has to be calm enough for you to notice the slightest changes in your mind. Our real opinions that determine our lives usually are unseen and unnoticed because they are difficult to catch, they are too light. This is the reason why the reasons of the problems of our life are often invisible. For something to exist it must be distorted, unknown or unseen. That is why the real reasons of our problems are usually unseen to us; that is why one needs to analyze quite a lot or to enable intuition to find them out. Only the truth can set us free. “Heavyweight”, real thoughts that we usually hear in our head most often don’t mean anything because they

120

are already the consequences, not the reasons, of something. Everything starts inside our head and finishes in reality. All the reasons are in the mind and the consequences are in our lives. The human, unlike other animals, has a natural ability to control the images of his mind. If in the mind of an animal an image of an alien smell was spotted, he will not control it, he will obey it, and when he senses an alien smell he will run away. The human has a bit greater freedom of choice. Resistance against the problem only helps to fixate the unwanted condition. For the problem to be gone, one needs to analyze it not try to pen it up. If you support the â&#x20AC;&#x153;standing pole25â&#x20AC;&#x153; you only make it stronger.

For example, a person knows that he should visit a dentist to fix his aching tooth. But he avoids doing that (avoids being the reason) because he avoids the consequences by believing that it will hurt. The problem continues until the person gets the inflammation of the kidneys, because the infection spread from the hurting tooth to the kidneys. The person goes to hospital.

To change the outcome, he could have changed his opinion (to become the reason) and accept the consequences of the change of that opinion (a healthy tooth and maybe pain). The pain, of course, would not be there because in the contemporary dentistry it is absent. In this way a wrong image (lie) creates a big problem.

The problem.

121

People with wrong opinions are afraid to become the reasons and accept the consequences of their actions. Because of his belief, conviction or opinion, he thinks that the consequences may be too painful, so he doesn’t take up any actions. In this way the person justifies his inactiveness in order to survive safely in the comfort zone. The ability to accept situations the way they are, and also the ability to calmly let them happen again, eliminates the possibility that those situations will happen again. This means your cause is at balance with outer world – neither you push outer world to make something for you, nor outer world does push you. Images may be actively created by the human mind (coming from the mind) or they can be passively registered (coming into the mind). If some event is registered, an image or opinion; the events that follow later may only fortify the primal image, according to which out— coming images can already be formed. In this way, a seemingly unimportant becoming a consequence influences your being a reason in the long run. When you pay attention to yourself, you create yourself; you are your own reason and the master of your life. You learn, you develop, you participate, you play, you work, and you act. You create yourself, your own images, and your experience according to what you decide about life and the world. When you give attention to others you create them and you make them reason. People listen to what their chiefs say and they tell themselves, “Looks like he’s saying a smart thing,” and that’s how chiefs rise. No pope would have become a pope without the attention of the believers. No church can become rich without the attention of the believers. No house in California can rise up without the attention. A singer or an actor is nothing if there is no attention of the spectators.

122

Attention is that primal psychic energy that later turns into all what we see around us. Money is also just a paper expression of energy, the energy that starts from the mind, not from the hands. Balanced attention is the source of living without problems. You communicate full cycle — you give attention to yourself and to the others, you get attention from the others. If something in this formula is misbalanced, you get problems. If you need attention in an abnormal way, desperately, not being a normal cause, you will get a lot of problems. We can even travel in the philosophical maze and try to claim that mushrooms grow because of the attention that the rain gives them. In other words, attention is the energy that mind directs (even the “mind” of the nature). Everything in this Universe is an expression of energy: nature, the human mind, money, and everything else. And if they are expressions of energy, they follow the same laws of physics: attraction, repulsion, potential (the difference between the opposite forces), the current, the power, and not some feng shui26 or some other astrological bullshit. The whole secret is that you simply give the attention and in this way you create what you want. If what you want is not created, look up in the sections a, b and c. It’s that simple. The bigger the difference of potentials, s, the bigger reason or the bigger consequence a person can create, the bigger is the power of the person.

Feng shui — ancient Chinese practice to arrange and organize the space so that harmony is achieved. A direct translation means “wind and water.”

123

Words dictate life It’s much more simple to change words than images of mind that can be simply invisible to many. To change one’s opinions and choices with the help of words is much simpler. Words are more visible. Any image of mind that influences our life can be expressed in words. And the influence is reciprocal; both images can be described in words and words can create images. Powerful words create powerful images. With words we also can distract our attention. Words are thoughts itself; if what you think is what you get, then what you say is what you get too.

If you want to change something, change your words.

There is a proof for “it is the way you believe is” in neurology. Those neurons that work together join together. If you practice something day—by—day, certain neurons increasingly come to fire together, forming a stronger representation for the action. The entity of our habits makes our role in life. So, if we year after year, day—by—day, we repeat to ourselves “I can’t,” and “I don’t know how,” inside our brain we form a stable structure that makes us behave like victims. If day—by—day someone repeats, “I’ll kill him!”, “bastard!”, finally probably it will end up with a murder. 124

In universe everything is organized in such a way that these structures, formed through our words (choices), influence not only our actions but also how others see us, and how we are doing in general. If we keep repeating the same words, they soon reflect in our faces and our eyes, and also they radiate in other invisible “channels.” If you have the conviction, for example, “I don’t know how,” you will most definitely have problems because before you even say a word, other people will already know that you don’t know how to do it. Thus they do not allow you to take responsibility, and without responsibility you will get nothing.

The Universe sends us only what we are ready for and our readiness depends on our words.

More briefly about the same:

5 0

We get according to our words.

For example, one man got no attention whatsoever from the opposite sex but when he started changing his attitude, the attention appeared. It turned out that the filter that had taken away the attention of the opposite sex was his stiffness and evasion of certain words. As soon as this man started using more words, such as “sex” or “oral,” he started arranging 125

the grammar more freely, and he received more attention. When one starts changing his words, not only his attitude changes, the environment changes too, as does life. If you can detect what words the person avoids (avoids being cause of those words), you can almost certainly decipher their problems related to those words. For example, in many countries some words are absolutely forbidden, and it probably shows us some serious psychological problems of the leaders of those societies. Too frequent usage of certain words may also show certain problems related to those words. One must think like this: “if I do not have something, or I have some problem, it means that certain words of mine or the lack of them in my speech obstructs the way to it.”

For example, one man wanted to become rich, and in the beginning he used such words as “Help me,” “Give me as a present,” and “Send me money.” When he changed his words into “We will do it for you,” “Responsibility,” and “Will power,” things right away changed for the better.

Perhaps, we do not experience reality but reality experiences us. The only thing that we can do is to choose reactions to what happens or to what doesn’t happen. And here details have a huge importance because with each of them we form our opinions, habits and our role in this life:

126

•

In the beginning we have an opinion (word, image),

•

Then it becomes a habit,

•

We become what we think,

•

And finally receive what we think.

Let’s say in order to become millionaire we have to have the opinion “If others can, I too could become a millionaire; I’m not worse than others.” Then, with every encounter with reality, we must overcome ourselves and choose a confirmation of the same opinion for it to become a habit. Finally our habits will lead us where we want. Impulse (setting the objective) “I will cross to the other shore” ¨ resistant reality “I am on this shore” ¨ confirmation of the primal impulse “I will cross anyway to the other shore,” ¨ correction or negation “I am here. What are the chances of crossing?” ¨ “I have chances!” ¨ a habit ¨ a role ¨ a result. In this way some people again and again start with relationship of the same type, with the same schemes of getting used to the same conflict, the same rejection, the same seduction. An creative mind doesn’t work anymore. The same happens with smoking. One little step is enough. You choose to smoke for the first time, then you just need a few more decisions like this and you are already a slave of habit; the mind doesn’t work anymore. You sleep in the bed that you’ve made. What you start doing, you will finish. It is the way you believe it is. The way out of the vicious circle, from the comfort zone, is simple. If you don’t like the role or the habit that you have created, change your words. Yes, the secret of the change and achievement is that simple.

127

IV. From words to experience

128

Anatomy of torture Buddha was partly right when he claimed that wishes are the source of suffering. But without wishes there would be no progress at all. Are those people right who put to the first place only wishes, the importance of the objectives of the work and an insane strife for “the growth of economy?” Are those who admit only the annihilation of all wishes, the rejection of this world, and life in a “blissful” consequence actually right? Well, the Universe is not so simple that we could support only one or the other side and blindly rest our back on one side of life only. We can only decipher the Universe into quite simple parts, but the relations between them are diverse and contain many meanings. The Universe is too complicated to be explained only by logical expressions of EITHER—OR. The Universe is not EITHER particles OR waves; the Universe is BOTH particles AND waves. There would be far fewer quarrels and conflicts if it was known that the Universe consists of BOTH the reason AND the consequence, not only of one or the other part. Let’s say that some man says that his house is red, and another one standing on the other side of the house says that the house is green. A quarrel breaks out, a quarrel that wouldn’t happen if both of them went around the house and saw that the house is BOTH green and red. It depends only on the model of opinion of what the Universe will be like. Some people choose one type of model, others choose another type, and then they fight

129

one another. In my opinion, truth lies somewhere between all models. All people are different; they have different filters which is why they see phenomena in different ways. Conflicts break out because of different opinions; they are like dams in a river that block the river’s way to its goal, the sea. The more conflicts you have with the reality, the more problems you have. And Buddha, of course, said if you do not have conflicts with what exists, you will have no problems. But he did not say that you will have nothing at all, except for maybe so—called “life after death.” It’s just not clear why we need the body, if we are seeking to turn the desires of the body into the “desires” of a dead body. A person suffers because he has a goal or a wish. Goals or wishes often object to what exists and give rise to internal or external conflict. A person suffers because it is a natural outcome of a mental activity or of the aspiration of survival. Only a dead body doesn’t suffer because they are not able to feel anything at all. If a man did not want and did not aspire to anything, he wouldn’t experience torture. There would be fewer conflicts in the world; because of smaller conflicts (especially inner ones) the world would become more uniform, more one—sided and more boring. Then all the people would commit suicide, not because of suffering but because of the lack of it, because of the depression caused by boredom. There probably would be no art, science or the things that they create because there would be nothing to aspire. If anyone saw the movie “Equilibrium (2002)” it’s a good example of what the world would be like. As we can see, a misbalance to either one or another side causes problems; that is why if you live ONLY on one side or ONLY on the other side you will have problems. 130

But as soon as you admit that both these parts are a natural part of the same world, that the world consists of BOTH one AND the other side, you will reduce the unnecessary waste of energy on pointless conflicts with reality. In every case saying “I don’t want to suffer” means avoiding responsibility. Someone avoiding responsibility closes himself in a monastery or goes to India to look for “spiritual wisdom;” someone else, divorced or unemployed, avoids creating life from the beginning and commits suicide27. What does it mean when a person says, “I don’t want to suffer?” It means that he doesn’t want to move, seek, or survive. A person who is avoiding suffering is simply avoiding life. When you are suffering and you are avoiding it, you just make the contrast sharper between what is there and what you want to be there. In this way the torture becomes harder until you finally crack. What you can do is to look the life in the eyes, accept the torture that is life and balance your reason with consequence. It is impossible to get rid of the suffering. Another thing that you can do is find the balance between activities and relaxation in order to have only as much of the torture as you need in order to feel that you are living. New things, services and new quality appear because of competition — a certain conflict between the attempts of various individuals to survive. What is all this for? It’s for power because power guarantees the best possible survival. It’s a law of nature that the strongest survives. And the better the strongest one is able to maintain the balance of his power, the longer he remains powerful. If you are too powerful, or if 27

Kposowa AJ. Marital status and suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study. J Epidemiol Community Health 2000;54:254–61

131

you do not take into consideration the feedback, you will be taken over. If you are too weak, you will be eaten by others. The world is suffering because it’s developing. If the world stood in one place, would it realize that it’s suffering? No. The more Western society tries to get rid of the torture seeking to survive better, the more problems it experiences; every good survival requires work, thinking, and torture. And the more Eastern society tries to get rid of the suffering by getting rid of the responsibility to work and earn by themselves, the more they get entangled in problems, and the more often they ask money from Western society. Stand in the middle of the room and nothing will happen. Start walking and stumble on the corner of a table. does it hurt? There it is; moving causes torture. Sitting and meditating in a cave will not cause torture at first sight, but when you start stink, will. Hard way becomes easier, easy way becomes harder. If you feel torture, if you feel pain, it means that you are moving somewhere. Torture was created by nature as a powerful motivator to achieve the goal. When you suffer, the body kind of tells you, “Get rid of this unpleasant feeling fast; get what you want.” And then you have choice how to do that – follow to one of opposite sides of misbalance, or follow natural cycle of communication. For example, if you are hungry, you are forced to go and look for food for yourself. If you are cold, you go and build a warm house. You don’t pray and wait until the circumstances are good for you; and you don’t overwork so that you die and your warm house is for nothing.

132

On one hand, suffering drives many of us to the grave; however, we must be grateful to torture for our progress. The problem also arises when a person, instead of naturally obeying to what his body feels, creates an opinion about what is happening and, when he suffers, he says the opposite, “I am not suffering,” or “The suffering is a punishment,” or “If I’m suffering, it’s good; it’s purification.” A lie appears, the natural flow of a river is blocked, the problem becomes continuous, and nothing moves anywhere. There is suffering but there is no movement. The problem is not in the suffering itself but in the beliefs (lies) concerning the suffering. When you live badly and you still say that torture is good, you only make things worse. Nature tries to lead you out of this state by switching on the mechanism of suffering, and you stop it. The aspiration stops. The way out from our distress is to accept the way life is and try to communicate with life full cycle.

133

Anatomy of violence Where does violence come from? Why do people humiliate, mock, mock down of others? The secret lies in the fact that some people subconsciously are hoping to survive better than the others, not by seeking a better survival themselves but by making the survival of the others look less worthy. If you are not able to be a real, true reason that performs an action until the end, you compensate for this inability negatively, destructively, in an imaginary way, or just verbally. Violence is one of the mechanisms of the inability to be a normal reason. When a person cannot achieve the purpose in normal ways, he chooses violence. For example,

•

One who doesn’t want to earn money by taking up normal responsibility (real reason), steals, mugs, and commits fraud;

•

Those who want the results of their company to look better, lie about the results, in this way deceiving investors;

•

Those who don’t want to argue in normal ways, use their fists as an argument;

•

“The anxieties, disappointments, and frustrations of childhood can build up and cause a child to hit or bite.28“

Aletha Solter, PhD. Tears and Tantrums (1998)

134

•

One who feels that he is not able to do something, makes up different things about the others, that they cannot do something and so on.

Jealousy, gossip, accusations, mockery, physical or psychological violence belong to the same reason, to the inability to be the real reason which lies in the lack of understanding, information and normal communication. If a person does not admit his responsibility, conflicts emerge all the time because such a person will always think that the things that happened are the fault of the others, not of he himself. This kind of a person often cannot do his job until the end because, somewhere deep inside, he believes that it’s not him who is doing or has to do this job. Instead of starting a real activity, he chooses a position that is not so much of a reason, but it’s much more comfortable. It is difficult to do a real job, to think how to do it, or to load yourself with a heavy burden of responsibility. It is easy to simply mock someone and in this way feel better. If it was easier for a lion to sit in an office and do paper work, he would do that, but he goes an easier way and he catches a doe deer and eats it. He is an animal. Violence is a natural part of nature; but people who have acquired intelligence decided that they will achieve more by using their mind, not their rough force. By using rough force you can survive in a very limited way; you can eat everything and there will be nothing to eat anymore. This is how the most primitive organisms — germs and viruses — behave; they multiply like mad, they “survive”, and when it’s all over they kill themselves together with the host. If the mind is used, survival is practically limitless because you can grow the things that you eat, you

135

can create new edible things, and plenty of other various things. You just need to use normal communication. In abnormal communication one will end up like germ. Only by using the power of the mind it is possible to achieve the best survival. Violence can only create an illusion of a better survival; in the end, all the violence reflects both in the health of humankind as a race, and in the health of e nature. If oil businessmen live well now, it’s just because they are stealing from the future, nothing more. Violence may also be chosen consciously and subconsciously. The actions of an untrue reason depend on a respective opinion that has formed. Perhaps some very, very long time ago the life of such a person was neglected by someone else, and the person thought “He defeated me; therefore, I will do like this as well, and I will defeat all the others.” This kind of opinion eventually grew its roots in, so to say, the person felt the taste of blood, and that opinion grew deep into the subconscious. In this way violence begets violence. Or it was simply experienced that by using violence one can achieve the result faster that in normal ways. The person does not realize consciously that he became the consequence somewhere, and he makes up for it with the others in some other place and time. Tiredness, both physical and psychological, encourages violence both against the others and against oneself; when one is tired, it’s hard to be the reason. When one is tired, one has to be the consequence in order to have a rest. If one is forced to be the reason, one may use violence. In other words, a person who is being forced to take up responsibility when he doesn’t want it may use violence. If you tell a person prone to violence “This is not right,” it may encourage him to get more violent because saying so makes him into a consequence. 136

This kind of person desperately wants to be the reason; to make them a consequence can sometimes be dangerous on one hand, but on another, some people are able only to control weaker than they. And the more desperate this kind of person is to be the reason, the more sensitively he will react to any detail that he does not like. By this mechanics we may be able to explain the particularly sensitive reactions of hard alcoholics. They have become extremely big consequences of their disease, and they make up for their lack of being a reason from the other people. Exactly likewise a hardâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;working person, when he comes back from work, may burst out against his family in order to compensate his becoming a consequence. When you do not get clear results, you feel more like a consequence than a reason; because of that a danger arises to balance things in the wrong way. Another example, we all have experienced this mechanism to a certain extent. If we fail in something, we get nervous and we try to dispose of the obstacle with aggression. It is often not a conscious action. Violent people also try to become a reason desperately because somewhere in their subconscious they are consequences (or they had become consequences some time in the past); they are trying to get back their part of being the reason. The problem in this case is that the past is always with us; it is not enough to become the reason only once; it helps only temporarily, and the need to be a reason comes back again. Since it is not a wish realized consciously, one tries to become the reason also subconsciously, in the animal way by humiliating, mocking, beating, or killing others.

137

The mother of one boy used to bathe him till he was seventeen, and in this way she was humiliating him (making him the consequence). Finally he killed both of his parents and, in this way, he became sort of a reason. Another example, a child experiences mockery in the family (becomes a consequence), and subconsciously tries to bring himself into balance by making fun of others at school.

To put it briefly, the reason of violence is misbalance. Both misbalanced sides commit violent acts: both “the consequence only,” and “the reason only.” “The reason” uses open violence to obtain its goals faster, as he believes so, or to suppress the difficulties or the resistance; he “borrows” from the future and the well being created by nature. “The consequence” uses violence passively against himself (depression or suicide) or against the others just saying silently to his abuser “I’ll kill you someday!” The only remedy for both of tem is learning to communicate normally. If real actions were taken, there would be no need for all the outcomes of anger, such as gossip, jealousy, and killing. What are real actions? They are actions related to the essence of the problem. Violence is usually a distorted, misbalanced, nonlinear way of solving a problem, and is often unrelated to the problem itself. How can yelling at one’s family help to regain strength or to increase the results of work? It cannot; it only makes the situation worse. So the real minimal action would be, for example, discussion about the problem or analysis of it. In general, a passive abuser must learn to express his feelings when it’s needed and learn to listen; an active 138

abuser must learn to shut up his mouth when needed and learn to listen. Of course, if they want to change. If a person manages to achieve some real result by normal communication, he becomes a normal reason and does not need to compensate in other ways.

139

How to get rid of anxiety Anxiety is the opinion that, in the future, you are going to become or you are already becoming the consequence of some bad circumstances. If one wants to get rid of anxiety, one must change this opinion, one must answer the question why this kind of opinion has appeared or where such an opinion comes from. The habit of worrying, just like any other habit, forms little by little; it starts from tiny details. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s enough to once become a consequence and not become a reason, to not balance things, and then it happens one more time, and one more time, and suddenly you see that you are worrying about everything. Anxiety, like fear, often just petrifies; it is the state of being â&#x20AC;&#x153;a consequence onlyâ&#x20AC;?, and it stops someone from being a reason. This is why, as soon as anxiety occurs, it is necessary to take the opposite actions, to perform some consequences related to it. If one wants to get rid of anxiety, one absolutely must restore himself as a reason; he absolutely must do something about the object of anxiety. If you are anxious and worried about the future, it means that you need to do something about the future. In the beginning it can be some detail, then another one, then one more, and then you will see that you are not worried about the future anymore. 140

The simplest way to become a reason is through communication. You can, for example, communicate object of your anxiety with someone. Then you will feel temporarily relieved. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forget not only to talk, but also to listen. The sooner you will follow a real action to its logical conclusion, the sooner the anxiety will be gone. Of course, anxiety disorders are possible. For example, an obsessiveâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;compulsive person performs certain meaningless and purposeless repetitive actions while trying to compensate himself as a reason, trying to protect himself from the feeling of becoming a some imagined consequence. Just like any other phenomenon, anxiety has two sides. Anxiety is, on one hand, a normal mechanism of the balance of the Universe; it balances your reason with your consequence. If the mind feels that the body is becoming a consequence, it tries to protect the body and switches on the feeling of anxiety, thereby motivating you to become a reason. If you are not listening to your anxiety, you are only making it worse; you are stopping the flow of the river, and as a result, as we know, you waste a lot of energy. Anxiety is the motivator that makes you avoid possible troubles. If you do not obey it, if you push it away, you will most probably get into trouble. The brain bases its decisions on various opinions, it decides if you are ready for any real results or not, and it gives the answer in the form of feelings. If the whole of your choices (words, opinions) is not enough, you get anxiety and fear. When anxiety appears, let it work and motivate you for action. Anxiety is a mechanism formed in the process of evolution in order to make you survive in the best possible way.

141

On the other hand, if there is too much anxiety, so much so that it disturbs your life, it means that you are becoming too big a consequence. Your attitudes and opinions have led you to what you have; if you do not balance your forces, you get suffer chronic anxiety that does not motivate you anymore, it stops you. In such a case you need to change your opinions and convictions that have led you to the chronic anxiety or its disorders. Think in this way: “What opinions of mine have led me to the situation when, if certain events take place and they make me a consequence, I do not make up for it and get back to balance?” For example, keeping silent when in communication with others can lead you to anxiety and various other phobias. Any failure, inability to reach intended goal, makes a person a consequence and if he grits his teeth and, without saying a word, ignores the failure, he becomes unbalanced. In the long run, such a model of behavior leads him to chronic anxiety and other phobias. The only way not to have such a disorder is to react to the anxiety when it appears, to perform a real result. Most often reasons of anxiety lies in the past of a person. Moments of when you had to react to anxiety have passed, and the only way out can be analysis of the past, analysis of your relationships with your parents and analysis of reasons of their actions. Accept the truth whatever it can be, and you’ll be free. Also, keep in mind that not all causes can lie in the fault of your parents, Sigmund Freud once said, “The act of birth is the first experience of anxiety, and thus the source and prototype of the affect of anxiety.” As fear helps one to escape danger, anxiety may help one to jump out of the comfort zone that one has created and achieve much better results. If you do not feel the anxiety sometimes it can be a disorder just like the one of having disorders of anxiety. 142

Not to feel anxiety sometimes means not to move anywhere. In order to move from the state of death or from the comfort zone towards some achievement, it is often necessary to go through fear, anxiety, or other form of torture.

A person forces himself to act only when he faces a threat of divorce and thinks, “And how am I going to live without him/her?” This thought causes anxiety that makes one act or accept the situation.

Anxiety sort of tells you that a possibility exists that you may become some kind of a consequence; it is not safe, so act. If eventually you do not obey this command, the anxiety may grow stronger and stronger; it may become chronic, it may turn into panic, or into other anxiety disorders. For a thing to exist there must be a lie told or imagined, physically pushed about it. The secret of anxiety is in the fact that thinking how to get rid of anxiety will not get rid of it. This problem exists for you only because you think that you should get rid of it altogether. Instead you should accept that life consists not only on happy morphine—like feelings in the mother’s womb, it also consists of birthing, effort and various other unpleasant emotions, and let it motivate you as it meant to perform a real result. Things such as anxiety, fear, anger, never—ending conflicts, violence, envy, fury, apathy, and stress show that you do not survive enough, that you do not have sufficient or real results; the only way to “heal” these sufferings is to perform real actions in such a way to achieve real results. If it is difficult, raise for yourself

143

even a small objective and follow it through until the end. It will be one small point in the score of your happiness. Anxiety is not always a right motivator; sometimes it may occur because of a wrong opinion. For example, a social phobia may tell you “Do not approach people because they will kill you,” and you do not approach people because the brain is protecting you so that you could survive in the best possible way. This kind of mistaken opinion occurs in the long run or under the conditions of increased danger. Often in our childhood some accident happens during which this kind of survival rule forms and later the person doesn’t even remember it. Also, since anxiety is the opinion that in the future you may become a consequence, that you may not survive as well as you are surviving now, it means that it is directly related to responsibility (being in the state of the reason); the greater the responsibility, the greater the anxiety may be. The way out in the case of anxiety is the same as in case of other emotions; through your own words you should form opinions and habits truly useful for your survival. For example, a person may think that being a good person means the necessity to step down, to avoid conflicts. Behaving in this way the person only creates problems for himself because eventually he becomes a consequence; it means that he may get depression or suffer from anxiety, fear, and other disorders. In few words, anxiety occurs as misbalance between cause and effect in communication.

144

How to overcome fear For a problem to exist there must be a lie in it and the lie about fear is that it is absolutely possible to get rid of it. It is impossible to get rid of fear; it will always be with us because it, just like everything in this Universe, exists because of the balance or the need to survive in the best possible way. First of all, a female mates only with leaders because it was arranged by nature to be this way; every generation gets stronger and able to survive in the better way. Fear performs a regulatory role; it filters out weak individuals so that they were less wealthy and had fewer offspring. Second of all, fear as a part of balance performs a protective function as well. The basic protective function of fear is to protect the individual from being the reason and due to that a possibility of becoming a consequence of stronger individuals.

When children grow, the fear of a stranger forms inside of them in a few months. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a protective function, allowing them to survive in the best possible way for the time being because stranger may not take care of them properly.

145

Why does it form? Because a child does not have yet enough physical and psychological power and understanding to survive on his own; nature gives him the instinct to be the consequence, to obey the parents because, until he has enough power to carry the load, it is better for him to be the consequence. And only later, when the child learns to walk and to understand at least a few words, the individuality of the child grows stronger and stronger. The reason changes the consequence, the child becomes more independent, and he becomes much more of a reason, independent from the parents. Generally fear depends only on the opinion about oneself. So, if the person is, letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s say, afraid to do something, most probably he is just not ready to do it yet; the brain is protecting him from the possible troubles and traumas. It is the way you believe it is. If the entirety of the knowledge and the rules of survival that you possess are not sufficient for the goal that you have set for yourself, the brain will tell you that by switching on fear.

One family decided that the woman will give birth at home without any professional help but they had doubts deep inside. Finally the labor took place in a hospital after all, and they saw that it would have not been so simple to make it at home because the labor was problematic. In this way the brain, having calculated all the circumstances, protected them from a great danger.

The brain calculates everything; it evaluates all the resources available, all the skills, qualities and decides if

146

it is ready to carry out the task or not. If not, it switches on fear and in this way it makes you stop, run or act in some other way. If it decides it is ready, it acts freely without problems. Of course, you may change this mechanism; all the preparation; all the resources depend only on the belief system tiniest decisions and choices of the person. All the qualities, abilities, and resources on which the brain relies to make decisions that are later signalized in the form of emotions depend on a person’s decisions.. If you are afraid to meet a girl, the brain, basing it on all your opinions and words give out such a conclusion. It means that somewhere you don’t know something, somewhere you lack knowledge about approaching and meeting girls, and because of that you are afraid to meet her. Learn enough, change your opinions, and the fear will be gone. When we feel that we are free, we feel that we can reach for the sky. And indeed, when you feel free, what you want comes to you almost without effort, almost by itself. What is freedom? Freedom is the ability to act, speak or think without constraint or restrictions. The opposite of freedom is fear — the fear to be someone, to do something or to have something. If the signs of freedom are the flow, the flight, the impetus, the enthusiasm, being the reason, the absence of effort, relaxation, and cheerfulness. The signs of fear are the opposite: restraint, hunching, avoidance, silence, and even apathy. Everything can actually be very easy. You went there, you did it and you got it. What is the reason that it’s not easy? Because it’s not easy inside your head. If you were completely free, you would choose freely, you would do freely, and you would get freely whatever you want. 147

What is in your mind is in your life. The source of both freedom and fear is in your head, in your available information and ability to communicate. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re afraid to talk â&#x20AC;&#x201C; learn to listen.

148

Righteousness All living creatures, including humans, follow one main aspiration, the aspiration to survive; in other words, the aspiration to accomplish the consequence and to be in balance. All creatures of nature seek to survive in the best possible way and they compete with each other. Psychologically, in the human subconscious, this aspiration has formed as the feeling of righteousness. This is the notion that every human has to be right in order to think that he is surviving in the best way, and in this way he would satisfy his genetically programmed physical aspiration to survive. Problems appear when physical and psychological traumas, or miscommunications in overall, inscribe themselves in the memory and direct that feeling of righteousness in irrational and not very sober directions. That is why it is necessary for people to understand how they could control these processes of consciousness, in order to really survive in the best way and form, not just think that they are surviving in the best way. The man cannot admit that he is not right because in this way he admits that he is playing wrong, that he is surviving in the wrong way. By admitting that his beliefs are wrong, he admits that he is not surviving well enough. It is too difficult, so he chooses to defend his primal beliefs. Same behavior equals same results day by day.

149

We have come to the realization that we have problems only because we don’t know how to lose or just to admit that something is wrong. Too strong a feeling of being right causes as many problems as doubts that are too big. If a person cannot perform a real action and obtain real results because of doubts, anxiety or fears, the person does not get real results; and too righteous can’t be enough of a consequence because he does not listen to the others and he blocks the way for a feedback. In this way the information that is possessed may be distorted or it may become outdated or something else may happen.

In an AA meeting the first step towards getting better is admitting that you failed, you are not right, that are an alcoholic; the same applies to other extreme changes of life where the first step is also admitting that you made a mistake.

Problems occur because of misbalance toward one side or the other:

150

•

Inability to be the reason — The set of opinions, convictions, and choices is not sufficient to perform actions; as a result, the brain switches on protection mechanisms, such as fear,

•

Inability to be the consequence — The set of opinions, convictions, and choices blocks the way for the free reception of the information from the outside; as a result, one blindly throws himself into some activity and he has no luck and fails due to the lack of right information.

No animal will allow itself to lose, no matter how limited physically it is. If you beat a dog, it will defend with teeth and claws, it will fight till the end; if it has no teeth and claws, it will run away as fast as it can. But the dog doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t understand that, for example, the person who shot to him some time ago doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t exist anymore, the dog obeys the laws of neurophysiology: the accident leaves an imprint in its brain and stays there for the rest of its life to torture the dog. There is no comprehension that the accident is not there anymore today. Likewise a man also is suffering not noticing that those events are not there anymore, they exist only inside, only in the mind itself. If he was right yesterday, he is not always right today.

This is why some old ladies talk only about how much you or they have paid for communal services of the apartment; others whine that life is difficult. That is why others do not grow out of the school desk or the times of the kindergarten, they remain children. They are afraid to change, to adapt to new, so they stick to those firm, but outâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;dated rules of survival. A paradox: a person is afraid to become a consequence, to change his views to better ones, and because of that fear in the long run he becomes that consequence. So his words took him their results.

It is not easy to admit that one was wrong but what is difficult in the beginning may become easy later. If yesterday counting pennies meant survival, that does mean you must do that al your life.

151

If we are too right, on one hand the world will show us only what we believe in. Our righteousness will seek its confirmations in reality to form even stronger feeling of “good” survival. On the other hand our righteousness will meet resistance. It is easy to judge others and it is easy to be right; sooner or later the world will arrange everything in such a way that you will be judged by your own words. Briefly, if the only “remedy” from fear, anxiety, depression and apathy is a real action, then the “remedy” from for too much self—confidence is listening.

152

Self—esteem and self— confidence Can we say that in order to achieve something it is necessary to have a high self—esteem and to be self— confident? Not necessarily because sometimes low self—esteem or self—confidence motivate better than normal self— esteem and self—confidence. Napoleon 29 , for example, as we know, had a low self—esteem, which he compensated for by fighting with and enslaving nations.

One woman achieved many things in her life because as she was a child her parents never appreciated. She tried to compensate this emotional pit, to get attention with her achievements. In her subconscious lies the idea “If I achieve something, I will prove to them that I am worth attention, and I will finally l get their appreciation.”

The characters and other circumstances that had caused the events may not have existed for a long time, 29

Napoleon Bonapart (1769—1821) — General in the time of the French Revolution. As First Consul, then as the Emperor, he conquered most of Europe.

153

but the person may still follow the survival rule that has formed. Sometimes negative things can motivate much better than positive ones, but that does not mean person with his many achievements, but misbalance in his soul, is happier. In this way the person’s conscious or subconscious tries to compensate and balance various things. On one hand there can be a low self esteem because the parents did not nurture it; on the other hand it pushes the person forward. Another person may have a high self—esteem but he may be good for nothing. As a rule, criminals often have a high self—esteem. According to one study, “Violent criminals often describe themselves as superior to others — as special, elite persons who deserve preferential treatment. Many murders and assaults are committed in response to blows to self—esteem such as insults and humiliation.30“ A person who takes up responsibility faces the problem of self—esteem directly: “What if I fail? What will the others think about me? And how I will feel thereafter?” And if he passes the test, he becomes more powerful and more confident. Two paths are created: he gets the appreciation that he wants so much from the others and he settles in the comfort zone; or he doesn’t get the attention and he has to go on seeking yet new victories. Other people who do not realize their value, simply stumble in one spot and repeat the same opinion — “I will fail.” They do not doubt anymore that they will fail; they already know that they will.

Baumeister, Roy F. (2001). “Violent Pride”, in Scientific American, 284, No. 4, pages 96–101; April 2001.

154

Achievements can also be variable. For example, people with low self—esteem tend not to choose their sexual partners carefully. Since they need the confirmation of their partners about their good value, they choose just anyone who shows at least some kind of attention. A person believes that he cannot do something or that he is not so valuable; with this kind of opinion the person also has to sort of admit that he is surviving not in the best way. It is an impossible thing, so he tries to deny this opinion by looking for a confirmation from others (usually) that he is worthy after all. When you have low self—esteem, you choose partners who do not deserve you. You are not selective because you desperately need a confirmation of your value. When you do not receive this kind of confirmation from your partners, you get very angry. On one hand, you need to have your opinion about your value confirmed; on the other hand, due to this ambition, you choose those who will never do that. If you want to find love that deserves you, you must first have a well—balanced comprehension of your value, a good opinion about yourself that is realistic. Generally speaking, if one wants happiness, the realization of your value and self—confidence must be in balance. Have too much or too little and you will have problems. Self—confidence is just a positive self—esteem (self— respect), a positive opinion about oneself. If a man who lacks self—confidence says “She is much better than me; I cannot talk with her about this,” or “She is arrogant bitch.” then a self—confident man has a different opinion: “I am good enough to be able to start a relationship with her,” or “I believe she is well balanced.” 155

If a person does not listen to what the others say, it seems that he is extremely brave and has no reservations whatsoever. It does not mean at all that he is in the state of the reason, it can be quite the opposite because of the absence of self—respect and self—esteem he is trying to somehow compensate his being the consequence by doing silly things. Having overconfidence leads to the same wrong results. In overall, to solve this problem, you must balance your opinions about yourself. Distinction between self— confident and not so confident is only their decisions and words they use. Analyze it asking questions and listening to get information – why and how they had chosen their roles. Nobody but you can assess your value.

156

Compassion and help People appreciate these feelings but how do they behave in the right way? Compassion and help, in their essence, are acts of consequence. If you are in the need of compassion or help, you should get worried. Everyone needs some kind of compassion or help because everyone wants to feel irresponsible at least for a short while, they want to feel happy and careless, but that may become a problem when a person acquires such a role of a consequence.

Children who got a lot of compassion and help grow up into losers; they do not appreciate what they get, become arrogant and waste resources of their parents. When they grow up they sort of live in the comfort zone, their brain tells them “Why bother? Someone will take care of you.”

A person who says “mercy us, oh holy spirit” is simply not a sufficient a reason. He has an opinion (that he should definitely change), the opinion that he is not sufficient to change something, to be someone, or to acquire some new skills and so on. If you hurt your finger; you become a consequence. If you cry, you are the reason. Balance. Then someone gave you attention, comforts you in your misfortune; you 157

become a consequence again. Perhaps you confirmed that you are a consequence by starting to cry. You became a double consequence. A double imbalance. You are moving towards the state of victimhood. Your house burned down; you’ve become a big consequence. You are crying; you are a small reason. You build a new house; you’ve become a big reason. Balance. You’ve asked for help, someone built a house for you; you have become a double consequence, and are twice weaker and twice less developed. You have lost two houses already: — the first one that has burned and the second one that you haven’t built.

I remember one event when a family got their burned house rebuilt, and a year later it burned down again. If one is at the same role of victim, sometimes help is vacuous because one may “magically” return to the previous state before you gave him help.

If bad things happen to you that seem not to depend on your will, the reason is most likely that somewhere, in some sphere, you are a consequence, you are not taking enough responsibility. If you accept help without which you can do just as well, and accepting compassion, the less results will depend on your hands. The weaker you will be, it means, the worse you will survive.

158

Stress Stress occurs as result of misbalance. Such a long— term misbalance is often very harmful. Stress, just like anxiety or fear, is a motivator that makes you do something about the perception of insufficient survival (misbalance). Stress is relieved by the comfort zone and generally by all the self—comforting opinions and stereotypes. For example, very wide spread memes31 are to say after some accident “everything is going to be fine,” “don’t worry,” “everything comes and goes,” or “time heals wounds.” Generally these kind of sayings are completely empty; they only show the willingness of the person who is consoling to dispose of the responsibility of walking in someone else’s shoes. If a person was able to put himself in someone else’s place and to truly sympathize with that person truly, he wouldn’t give out automatic utterances; he would rather stay silent by the side of the other person. Instead of such self—calming opinions, it is much more effective to actively eliminate the sources of stress, or to perform real actions and have real results, it means, to have greater balance. Stress is caused not by the objective set and the pressure to fulfill it, but needless, empty works with 31

Term coined by the biologist Richard Dawkins, meaning an item of cultural information that reproduces from mind to mind analogous to genetic transmission.

159

which the time was filled seeking to avoid responsibility. Thus easy way of avoiding cause becomes harder way in a consequence state.

160

The table of survival All our emotions that have formed in the process of evolution may be displayed in the table of survival, from the total consequence to the total reason: •

Power, rule (total reason)

•

Enthusiasm, action (becoming the reason)

•

Anger (attempts to become the reason)

•

Anxiety, doubt, righteousness (fear to become the consequence)

•

Fear (becoming the consequence)

•

Apathy, stagnation, rest (consequence)

•

Death (total consequence)

The movement of a person in this table depends only on his tiniest choices, only on his words. The Universe moves from the reason to the consequence and back in all the spheres of life. In economics: •

Rise (becoming the reason)

•

Peak (the reason)

•

Downfall (becoming the consequence)

•

Bottom (the consequence)

In social orders: •

Autocracy — one person is the reason

161

•

Oligarchy — several people are the reasons

•

Democracy — everyone can be the reason, in some sense, in order to make several individuals the reasons

•

Anarchy — all the people are the reasons or nobody is a reason

Final results of extremist opinions are in the table of final habits: •

Murder

•

Violence

•

Phobia

•

Depression

•

Suicide

The words: •

Yes (affirmation)

•

Maybe (neither affirmation nor negation)

•

No (negation)

Death, according to the definition, is the worst way to survive. Nothing moves in it; if you ask something of a thing that is in the state of death, it will not reply anymore; it will not be able to be as the some reason. When we say “yes” to someone, when we give attention to that thing or person, we strengthen it (we affirm it as reason); when we deny something, we weaken it or dispose of it. For example, a person may be offered alcohol, and he says, “Yes.” In so doing he becomes a part of the space of alcohol; further strengthening of this space with the word “yes” (more drinking) is much easier, and eventually a habit may evolve.

162

Or a person may say, “I will become famous,” and with these words he will create the space of being famous. In the beginning there was a word, then the space appeared (the playfield), and in that space eventually results crystallized. Of course, one can’t affirm everything, he must also make some negations to stay in balance. In the beginning of some goal the person has nonexistent playground but if he gives affirmation to his aspiration, a move from death to doubt emerge. After the next affirmation a wish emerges, then enthusiasm, real actions, and results. Word first was all that was needed to achieve the result. In this way one may decipher his entire environment. For example, if every time you greet a neighbor he does not greet you back, he is probably dead in some sense or he is in the state of stagnation, for example, has depression. If at the bottom of the table there are words “I don’t know how to do anything”, “ah, whatever...” then at the top there are — “I can do everything”, “let’s go!” In the middle— “I’m trying” or “Maybe.” How does one move up in the table? Only by affirming you initial intention. If, for example, you say, “I want to become singer,” another one may says, “Let you better go to business.” You negate his space, “No. I want to be the singer,” and the other one repeats, “But maybe consider business.” You gain confirm your own space: “No. I want to be a singer;” the other one: “All right, let it be.” Thus you move from somewhere in the middle of table to the power to be what you like. Of course, this dialogue is not occurring as it is, for example, communication (affirmation and negation) can be also without words, and there may be also various bigger hardships than just verbal communication.

163

Move down in the table is opposite process – your initial enthusiasm or power diminish with small negations, defeats of your space. If you started with enthusiasm without good control you can lose it quickly facing pushing force from outside world. Of course, in order to pass through the entire table with important things you will need more time. Not often in one day will a person move down from the position of power to the position of apathy, or rises from the position of apathy to the position of power. For that one needs time or a strong impact.

For example, one man was in great despair that he is good for nothing; he succeeds in nothing, and he experiences only losses. He was recommended to change his words. He changed them from “I doubt,” “What I can do?” into “I can,” then a higher question in table of survival occurs, “but what project can I think up?”, then again he confirms “I can,”, then new higher opinion “I will create this unique project,” then for example, “What if I’ll fail?”, then “I can” until he achieves state of reason where he can do it with ease. In this way the transformation from a consequence into a reason happened, and an idea of project appeared, along with the first actions. The first actions are not very successful, so anger comes out. Then “I can” confirmed again, and he eventually formed the rule that he can without doubt. Being in enthusiasm or power state he already trusts himself enough for the things to keep moving.

164

Generally, the bigger the reason you are, the bigger the probability that things are moving not thanks to effort, but to the power of mind; when you go up in the table, you move from “heaviness” to “lightness”. If you are in the position of power and enthusiasm, some problem, misbalance of communication in general may beat you off the track, and you may get nervous or angry. Or an even more serious problem may beat you down to fear, a bigger one may cause apathy, and a very strong power may kill you.

For example, if you only repeat one of your ideas to someone, but nobody says a word, you will soon get exhausted or your enthusiasm will be changed to a lower emotion, such as anger, and you will not want to say anything. And, vice versa, if the answer to your idea is at least “Hm...,” your idea will be able Accomplish its purpose for a while longer.

Try to explain something to a wall. Finally you will get exasperated because you will not be able to be a real reason to the wall as it will not listen), nor will you be able to be its consequence as it will not confirm or deny anything. In order to have your life going on the right track, there must be the balance of reason and consequence, between attraction and repulsion. Anger is one of the manifestations of attempts to be a reason; it frequently appears as a reaction to lies. Anger is an attempt to stop the lie (at least person just believes it is lie); it’s an aspiration not to become the consequence of the lie. It’s a mechanism of compensation, a way to maintain, at least in some way, one’s state of reason. 165

The bigger the faulty belief is, the lower you may fall down the steps of survival. And if the brain notices or just thinks that itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lie, it will react to it even more fiercely; it will try to protect your ability to survive.

166

V. Human power and skills

167

From communication to skills The secret of human happiness is the ability to combine being the reason and the consequence; more precisely, it’s the ability to be the consequence when it’s needed, and to be the reason when it’s needed. If a person is not able to be the consequence, he will have problems. If a person is not able to be the reason, he will also have problems. Any feeling of unhappiness comes from a conflict or from a clash between a belief or an opinion; every conflict, on it’s own terms, may be classified according to the directions of the force of survival: •

Cannot be the reason. Let’s say, I don’t want to work because I want to have fun; an internal conflict forms and, as a result, I’m unhappy. I don’t want to work but I have to.

•

Cannot be the consequence. Let’s say, I don’t want to listen to complaints of others, because I have plenty of them myself. So I resist such a communication, which starts a conflict. People tell me, “You don’t understand me” or just get angry and leave; as a result, I feel unhappy.

Both these main inabilities are “healed” with balancing. If you cannot be the reason, find a way and do not be it for some more time in order to have enough rest. If you cannot be the consequence, do not be it for some more 168

time and soon you will understand, if you are open with yourself that you have done something that was not right.

One person had to do a big job but he was very lazy, so he lied down on the sofa to watch TV for a while. A few hours later he got an idea how to do that work with minimum effort by automating it. Instead of wasted weeks he wasted a couple of days.

If you listen to what your mind tells you to do for a particular moment, often you achieve your goals with minimal efforts. The mind is generally lazy and looks for ways to make life easier and survival better. Problems appear only when a person willingly suppresses impulses and ideas generated by his mind. The mind, having calculated how the person could change offers him, for example, a trip abroad. And the person answers, “No, I cannot,” and he remains in his usual space. On one hand, the mind generates impulses that would help the person to survive even better; on the other hand, it also estimates its own preparation to implement those impulses. For example, if mind estimates that person isn’t prepared, contradicting impulse of fear would appear. In this way two oppositions (something new and something old) merge into a common entity of “it is what you believe it is.” The universal force, projected by consciousness, may not only be divided into the dimensions of reason and consequence, but also into levels of: •

Communication

•

Problems

•

Freedom 169

•

Abilities

The power of consciousness always moves in these levels: from communication to problems, to freedom, to abilities.

Normal communication turns into absence of problems. Absence of problems turns into freedom. Freedom to choose turns into abilities.

Everything starts with our words; words turn into problems, problems turn into freedoms and non— freedoms, freedoms turn into abilities and inabilities. You set a goal for yourself to get up every morning at 6 am, but every time you push the snooze button on your alarm clock and you sleep till seven. The goal is not achieved because you lie to yourself: “I wanted to get up at six, but then I changed my mind.” In this way you re— direct the table of survival from self—control to inability to control yourself. In the long run, such distortions pile up and finally you are not only unable to get up at six but you find yourself unable to use other abilities of yours. If you can communicate in both directions — as the reason and the consequence — with any person about any topic you will have no problems. Any conflict that will rise inside of you (objection to someone else) you will be able to speak out about; any conflict that will rise inside of someone else (objection to you) you will be able to hear. If someone says, “Refrigerators are only freezers,” you might object — “Not at all!” — because you don’t want to be a consequence of this opinion, and a conflict arises.

170

If someone says, “Refrigerators are only freezers.” and you might choose to say, “Yes, I understand but I have a different opinion,” thereby avoiding conflict. If you are able to take your own impulses along with those of others, and you understand them and where they come from, problems automatically decrease; they disappear as soon as you fully understand them. It means that every person can finish any inability, non—freedom or problem using only his own words, by communicating. It means that every person can finish a conflict only by his own words. A conflict continues, not because one or the other is not right, but because of the unfinished cycle of communication. Just like while talking to a wall you roll down in the table of survival, you support the conflict if you use only statements and don’t listen. You only need to balance two things. If you need a consequence, you must be able to be a consequence; if you need a reason, you must be able to be a reason. These are the most logical reactions to what is happening. If you are able to be the consequence or the reason of any problem, you become free. If you gain the ability to choose, you can gain any ability. Conflict emerges from any disorder of communication. Every conflict like that is a problem.

Let’s say that you read somewhere that “money must be earned easily”, but you have a different opinion — “No, you must work hard for every penny” — resulting in an invisible problem. You think that it is the way you think and you do not listen to the other opinion; you do not want to become a conse171

quence of the other opinion. You are not free on this level; now you will have to work hard from morning till evening for every penny. Or you react in a different way: “Hmm... I thought that I had to work hard; let’s see more about this.” You become free on this level to find out more about it, and perhaps to achieve what the others talk about. In this way, thanks to the ability to communicate, you disposed of a problem and you gained one more freedom to change something. This new ability started from opening to the new information, from communication. If you are able to have or not to have the freedom of choice by your own will, you are able to gain any skill.

Freedom and skills start with our own words.

From every communication disorder conflict emerges, which is a problem, and because of that you become not free. When you are not free, you are unable to acquire new skill.

If an old man says, “I will never learn to work with computer,” it means that he is not free in this field, which means there are problems in it, which means there are communication disorders. In particular it can be, for example, the lack of wish to become a consequence of the new changes of the world, of knowledge econom-

172

ics or a desperate try to remain the reason, at least in something, in this ever—changing world. Since people can be reasons less and less (a merciless competition is pressing them), some become “smart” enough to be simply the reasons of their inabilities. Because it is easier that way.

Our inability to combine the reason with the consequence in words or inability to be the reason and the consequence leads us towards a problem, and towards non— freedom; non—freedom leads to inability.

Two scenarios: •

Ability to be the reason when it’s needed and ability to be the consequence when it’s needed ¨ absence of problem, when you want it and setting goals as well as achieving results when you want it ¨ freedom ¨ skills ¨ an even better ability to communicate.

•

Inability to communicate, illogical communication ¨ problems that you do not control and inability to achieve the goals set ¨ non— freedom ¨ inability ¨ an even worse ability to communicate.

In this way, we evolve. If you want to live without problems, to set yourself free or to gain new skills easily, observe your ability to communicate, your ability to be the reason and the consequence.

173

Genesis of skills The purpose is to set ourselves free from the prison into which we put ourselves. And here is the key:

The reason for any inability or non— freedom is not only wrong information, but a misunderstanding of information: a misunderstood word, time, place, or event.

If you are in a constant conflict, war, in a bad situation or a wrong condition, there is clearly some lie: •

Someone has lied to you,

•

You have lied to yourself,

•

You did not admit the truth,

•

Or there is a misunderstanding of some truth.

Any lie, miscommunication, misunderstanding, keeping silent, or the silence of the others can cause some problems to you, even those that you have no idea about but that can come out in the future. Continuous blockades or distortions of communication lines cause fixations, including those that you cannot even see. The way to detect problematic areas, is to observe your life carefully. If you want perfection, watch the details too.

174

Everything that is negligible or small may give you a sign about turbulence that was caused by a blockade or distortion of communication lines. All that you will observe in your life are the results of your thoughts of yours and those of other people In the beginning they may be small, so you can prevent them. In the beginning you can influence them with only your thoughts In the long run, if you don’t change the situation they grow, crystallize on the physical level, and continue to demand your physical effort. The simplest example of turbulence in the nature is a dam that creates an enormous (positive or destructive) power with its blockade. Likewise our consciousness causes waterfalls, positive or negative. For example, some opinion may confront another opinion that it does not like, thereby causing anger that can motivate both creation and destruction. Opinions are not seen clearly but we may see their outcomes in people’s lives and faces. Generally speaking, our life is a never—ending attempt to stay in this place because it is impossible to be something in the universe without resisting TO it. We must eat, we must breath, our hearts must beat, and our immune system has to fight with endless enemies. If there were no attempts like these, we would not exist. But all these attempts started with tiny detail, a seed, spermatozoa and an egg that are invisible to the unaided eye. Problems exist analogically; they exist only because of some resistance against the usual flow of the river. Both good and bad deeds only exist because of the resistance. Just like gametes unseen to the eye grow into a human that builds houses and writes books, problems also spring up from an invisible detail, usually the opinion of a 175

person. Frequently invisibility is the lie that allows the existence of the problem. For nature any living creature is a problem because it opposes other living creatures and, if it reproduced without being stopped, it would destroy other forms of life and itself. Nature, seeking to balance all the ambitions, creates a counterbalance. In this way, through competition, balance appears; nature is “happy”, although its separate individuals may suffer. If a person performs too big a consequence to nature, it may happen that nature, seeking balance, will destroy him. If one wants something to exist, there must be lie, silence and resistance in it. However, without resistance there would be no life at all. So we must understand that problems are just signs that we are alive and we live. A problem is not something incomprehensible and mystic. A problem is more likely to be something between the need to breathe and the need to eat. Normally a person is not supposed to notice problems; he should accept them as he accepts the need to go to the bathroom when he feels that he needs to. Problems occur only when we have a different opinion about going to the bathroom; we suffer and we ask the questions “Why did this happen to me? Why do I have to go to the bathroom?” Problems that continue for a long time become fixations that are the main reason for inability, ineptness, and absence of skills. Problems that continue for a long time only confirm the prime opinions of a person; they grow their roots deep, they become stereotypes, and, when there are new circumstances, the person, like a robot instead of being an active participant of information exchange (communi176

cation), instead of thinking about the information given automatically, gives out the same meaningless phrase. If we are not able to do something, it means that some fixation exists, related to some lie. Lies can be different, and they may be hammered for a lifetime: “They don’t know how to do anything” (“The others are evil”), “You don’t know how to do anything” (“You are a loser”), “Nobody knows how to do anything” (“The world is a shitty place”), “I don’t know how to do anything” (“I am good for nothing”), and the understanding may be distorted or not known at all. If we cannot do something, it means that we have a firm opinion that prevents us from doing it. It is the first sign of ineptness. If one wants to learn new information or new things, one has to be open to new information; if you have a firm opinion, you will filter all the information through the prism of that opinion. For example, what consequence does the following thought, belief or fixation cause: “They don’t know how to do anything?” It causes the fact that a person who is thinking like this will not ask others for assistance and, in this way, will limit his possibilities because he cannot know how to do everything perfectly anyway. The reason of “You don’t know how to do anything” will be that someone who dreams about rocket science will become a simple tractor operator. “Nobody knows how to do anything” will make you shut away from everyone. “I don’t know how to do anything” will cause stress and depression. On the other hand, another side of the lie exists; it may only encourage achievements when it is realized. The lie is forced on you, you recognize it, and it only encourages you to strive for your goal. Why do these mechanics exist? Humans obey the only law of this Universe — to survive — so he passionately wants to be safe. 177

When he doesn’t understand something or when he is lied to, he gets attached to ideas like a slave: he fixates his attention; he believes but he doesn’t look; he believes but he doesn’t check. It is easier to survive this way than to try to understand or be active participant of communication with the world. In this way we become slaves to our thoughts and beliefs. Everything starts with our thoughts; it shows in communication, it may be noticed in problems, and it ends in abilities. Beliefs and fixations exist only because of survival. Instincts are genetically encoded beliefs but they do not always help. Beliefs invented by humans also do not always help; often they imprison you and discourage you from acting and achieving something. The more a human understands his beliefs and fixations, the freer he could be or the more he would be able to do. If you know what shovel is you CAN use it in the way you WANT. You are free to use a shovel in the way you want because you understand how the things with the shovel go. However, if you have a predisposition that says “I will never learn what shovel is,” “Nobody has told me what shovel was,” “Nobody knows what shovel is,” “Maybe someone knows what shovel is, but it’s not for me,” “Shovels are evil,” or “Is it possible to learn to use shovels?” you will: a) Do not know what it is, b) Do not know how to use it, c) And you do not get results of its use. In this way a false opinion, the lack of information that exists due to a fixation of communication, causes an

178

inability that only increases inability to communicate and grows bigger problems. In this way every detail may breed into big problems; such a person closes himself more and more, and finally turns into a bundle of problems.

The difference between success and lack of success is the information comprehension through communication.

A person is forced to have opinions, beliefs, and stereotypes in order to be able to protect himself from the necessity to think, but to act immediately. It is our burden to form opinions which are really giving us better survival. The number of ideas that explode in your head gets bigger the better you understand the subject that you are studying. Better communication leads to better understanding. A better understanding leads to greater freedom. A greater freedom leads to a bigger space. A bigger space encompasses more things. The more you encompass, the more good ideas you have.

Abilities depend on the opinions possessed.

179

Anatomy of responsibility In the same conditions of consciousness exist, the same situations of life persist. You can only change your life if you change your attitude and thinking. No matter how far you run, you cannot run away from yourself. Usual human behavior is to run away from difficulties or to freeze before them. These are programmed reactions of the animal mind. For example, perhaps we work in our jobs simply because they are comfortable. We usually get enough money for everything and, if we want more, well, that’s not too bad; we will get it later or we can do without it. We are in the comfort zone. But isn’t it better to take up responsibility and to face up to the problem? This is exactly how we gain a very valuable life experience; we strengthen our will and endurance.

The factor of reason that makes people move ahead is responsibility.

Responsibility is the opinion that a certain action will be performed (“I will do that.”) or the opinion that the action has been performed already (“It is me who done that.”). 180

Responsibility is sometimes a very nasty and unpleasant thing. Responsibility, as such, is a problem because it makes you get up from the sofa and do something, or it makes you admit that you have done something, maybe even something unpleasant. A forced responsibility, the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;must,â&#x20AC;? will never bring you happiness. Happiness is the balance between the reason and the consequence, between responsibility and irresponsibility, a calm flow without any additional resistance. A bigger responsibility naturally makes you become a bigger reason or to accept the opinion that you are the reason of something even bigger, and that may create suffering. Responsibility above our comfort zone is a problem, but without it we would not move ahead. Without it we would just be weak and will survive poorly.

If you want to achieve more, you simply have to accept the opinion that you have done it, you are doing it, and you will do it.

Responsibility is admitting that you are the reason of some state, action, or possession. When a person is trying to avoid something, he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to admit it. Refusing to take responsibility he might feel guilt and then try to justify his actions; he moves through table of survival. In the end, he may blame someone else for doing something. This is the way from the reason to the consequence, from strength to weakness, from power to the state of death. Avoiding the problem will usually cause more problems because this kind of behavior makes the person less

181

able to control those problems. By giving away responsibility he gives away his power to control circumstances. If you want to be powerful, you only need the opinion that you are able and a sufficient confirmation of that opinion; it also comes from your own brain. Those who blame others for all their problems are weak and irresponsible people. They keep repeating to everyone “It’s not my fault,” and, finally, they come to the point when they cannot do anything at all. They will only lie on their sofa and be “happy.” And the other way round, if a person more and more often states “I did it”, finally he will come to “I’m already doing this,” and “I will soon do it.” It will usually not be a pleasant process because every affirmation like that will require you to step from the blissful sofa again. On one side there is fear, an unwillingness to admit one’s own mistakes, an unwillingness to take up actions, justifications and accusations, negations, fixations, or making up problems. On the other side there are achievements and freedom. A person’s freedom depends only on his readiness to admit his own power.

0 182

Some time ago I conducted the experiment. I’ve gotten job interviews for positions I was never worked for just by asserting that I was exactly what they needed. I have not written boring CVs, but rather emphasized on statements why I am able to do the job and why they need to choose me. I’ve just confirmed my power that I am in the position, and they were inviting me.

Some time ago I became a yoga guru just by saying that I was a guru. Some time later people started contacting me asking for help. Only twenty years old, and I’m already a guru: not too bad... I used to do the following exercise. I used to go by train and, pointing at every tree that we passed, I would repeat, “I did it.” The end result was a growth in my paranormal abilities. I was able to create certain atmosphere of “freshness” in the environment that others could feel. Similarly, when I didn’t want to be disturbed, I would create a block in my mind and, at that time, nobody would dare to call me. Others told then, “I felt you don’t want me to call.” A human controls himself by choosing what to think. And it starts with details. What you claim and confirm with your words is what you will get. If day by day you claim that you do not know something or that you cannot do something, soon you will not be able to do anything indeed. The opposite is true; only by saying, only by confirming your or someone else’s opinion that you can, you will achieve what you want. Only the person himself defines the limits of his abilities and it depends on to what he attributes his power. A weak one attributes the power to the outside; he says, “It’s not me who does it, it’s the others,” “I cannot change anything, only gods can.” “We do not have control over our lives, only fate does.” If such a person killed someone, he would most definitely say, “It’s the wheel of fortune.” If such a person has nobody to attribute the responsibility to, he simply finds the sources of that outside; in this way, for example, a Sun God is created, or a Goddess 183

of Trees, or the only god, Satan, angels, devils, and other phantoms. In contrast, a responsible and thorough man can change something. He can make the world a better place or at least he can make his life better. This kind of person is a source; he is a creator. He is who thinks and feels, not “feelings come” to him. It doesn’t happen to him, he does it. It’s him who chooses what to do; he is not made to do. And all this is just because of a small detail — the opinion that you can do it, you do it or you have already done it. When is responsibility pleasant and when is it not? It is pleasant when you, by your own will, desire to increase your power; it is unpleasant and particularly conflicted when a habit, life in the comfort zone is too deeply rooted and it is difficult to change your opinions. Excessive, not balanced responsibility is not good because it makes the person tired, it oppresses him, and it may cause more anxiety. For example, a person may admit too much to having made some mistake in the past and regret it for the rest of his life. Admitting some opinion too strongly means too big a responsibility for one’s own words. The more you admit something, the more powerful that opinion is, and the more it influences your life. Being only the reason is tiring, so people go to theatre to be the consequences of someone else’s feelings and to have a rest. Generally, there must be balance in everything; that is why from the beginning it is necessary to have the opinion that it is not necessary to decide too quickly or to declare verdicts (final opinions). It’s similar to what is

184

written in the Bible: “Do not judge and thy will not be judged.” In other words, do not have an opinion and they will not have an opinion about you. This law, just like any other in this book, has two sides. One is that if you do not have an opinion you are inconspicuous and unnoticeable. The other is that you do not have an opinion and nobody has an opinion about you. This is why they say that any publicity is good publicity; your fans are not only those who love you but also those who hate you. Principals are the strongest and the most responsible opinions. Responsibility is admitting that it was precisely you who did it. One can accept responsibility voluntarily even if you didn’t do it; it’s the way to a greater power and skills. Responsibility is not the feeling of guilt. Of course, some people do a lot of evil, and they are responsible for that. However, if those people do something destructive to you and you start feeling bad, it’s you who is responsible for your condition because you did not try to balance it and you let the other person do harm to you. Finally you can change your opinions and not meet with negative people; you can analyze where they gather, what their features are, and how to avoid them. All destructive things have their features. For example, if you like to have a drink in lousy places, sooner or later you may get stabbed in your stomach. And if this happens, don’t say afterwards, “It’s not me who is responsible for this.” If you like filthy prostitutes, sooner or later you will get some sexually transmitted disease, like herpes. And don’t say afterwards that it’s the fault of the prostitute.

185

There was a story about a man who complained that the publisher of a newspaper makes him read articles that spoil his mood.

You are responsible for everything in your life; if you want some big consequences, you also have to make big cause – responsibility, starting from your head. If you want extraordinary consequences, you are also responsible for the outer world, not just your interior. If you take up responsibility for your own life only but you want extraordinary results, you will achieve nothing. If you say, “I’ve changed myself,” but you go nowhere and show it to no one, your achievements will only remain with you. You start trying to change others and automatically you have more chances. It doesn’t mean that there doesn’t have to be justice to the person who has committed something evil. But it is also not necessary to suffer because of what happened to you. You can go on with your life because it has already happened and you cannot change the past. You can accept it, not accept it, or just go out of your mind. Your feelings are like a house with things in it. You are the owner of the house. When you are the owner, you can bring new things and throw away the old ones. You can also not let the other people throw around stuff that you don’t like. But sometimes we let some madman come and make a shit in your house and then it stinks and you feel sick. It means we hadn’t took enough of responsibility to be at the cause position and to control the situation. When you let this happen too often and you do not learn from your mistakes, it shows your irresponsibility,

186

and your inability to organize your own house; in your house others take the lead, but you. An empty church without spirit cannot exist. If you don’t have your opinion, soon someone else will impose one on you. And from that moment on, you will live not your life but the life of somebody else or the life of masses. When you accept the full responsibility for the situation, it gets resolved. The secret of success and happiness lies is in the ability to be a reason, not a jerk when there is a need, and to be a consequence, not an idiot who tries to prove that he’s right, when there is a need for that. For example, if your boss is bullying you at work, you just have to make the decision “Whatever will be, will be,” and to make the decision to tell your boss all that you think about him. When the next day you come to work determined to do it, your boss often will have “magically” changed. Total responsibility is a responsibility not only for yourself but also for nature, humanity, and the Universe. Often problems of nature and humanity are rather distant to people. The “bad” news here is that something that you are not responsible for tends to crash on you. If you are not responsible for your house, some years later it may fall apart. If you are not responsible for your life, if you hang around with alcoholics, sooner or later you will be deceived and you will lose that house of yours. An empty space doesn’t stay empty for long, so if you empty your head you may get only that some “evil spirit” will come and “take care” of what you have. If you do not notice the neighbors tree that is leaning too much, it may fall down on your roof. If you do not notice that your husband stays “at work” till late, perhaps it’s too late to act. 187

A personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s responsibility decreases with increasing distance; the closer something is to him, the more responsible he is for that. For example, a person is usually fully responsible for his teeth or hygiene, but he pays much less attention to, for example, the problem of global warming. If we see a person with bad teeth or a bad hygiene, we may decide that his responsibility is so low that he is not able even to take care of what is closest to him. A personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s power is in proportion to his vision abilities. What he sees he may control. When you give attention to something, it is real to you; it means that you can control something that you can imagine, or that you have as much as you are ready to have or what you are able to see.

188

The power of the past When a person starts looking for faults by digging in the past, you may simply say: “Change the past second.” We are absolutely helpless against time, so it’s better for us to accept the inevitability of life and start enjoying the moment as it is, and try to make it better. We cannot live in the future; we cannot change a singe second from our past either. We cannot sleep in two beds at the same time. We can only be here and now. The past often imprisons a person because the past is the strongest thing that confirms our opinions and convictions. Basing our judgment on the past we may tell the others and ourselves: “But it happened to me! I am right!” The more the past confirms our opinion, the more difficult it is for us to change. If we had been eating mushrooms for ten years, would it be easy for us to think about something else? It is not easy to change the orientation, especially when the past says, “All your life you have been doing only this and only like that; you cannot do anything else and, even if you could, you wouldn’t start it because of your fear of unknown.” You cannot change the fact that you have just read these words. You have already became consequence of these words. You cannot do anything about that except, first, use these words and balance them with your own cause, second, changing your opinions and beliefs. You cannot read all your life and not use your causal force,

189

sometimes you must fully become a consequence to fully become a reason. It doesn’t matter at all what kind of terrible events have happened in your life, you cannot change a single moment of them, and that’s the truth. You can change only your attitude. A long—lasting pain, anger, or fear exists only because the natural flow had been stopped. Something happened; you haven’t communicated about that enough or haven’t possibility to communicate about that with someone, it got stuck in your mind, it’s fixated in there, and the obstacle that makes us all get old faster than we are supposed to stayed there forever. Any conflict is an obstacle; they did not let you be a reason or they turned you into a consequence. You are keeping the opinion that it is happening now as well and, in that way, you limit your freedom of actions. For example, if some time ago your business failed, you may form an opinion that you are not made for it. And this kind of opinion will be a justification of irresponsibility. The result is that you get less money. You could change this opinion, learn what you need, and experience what you really would like to. Any bitterness is a stopped natural flow of energy. If you had spoken out loud in the past, everything would have been resolved then. Now it is keeping you imprisoned. You can set yourself free by completing the cycle of communication; if you’ve become a consequence, become a normal reason for some particular event, place, or person. In this way you will change your past and release your power preserved in it. You have only one choice to get rid of the past and renew your points of view – to decompose, scrutinize what is old: “Newness is easier to integrate when fewer 190

memories and patterns have been established, i.e. when the brain has not been ‘empatterned’ too much by repeated, organized stimuli. This lack of empatternment is a feature of young versus old brains, and popular thinking emphasizes this phenomenon in opposing the wisdom of old age in favor of the creativity of youth. Newness is accepted when there is no established pattern to match (i.e. the information is not ‘new’ to a reference which is precisely lacking) or when previous patterns can be inhibited. Creativity may indeed first need to incorporate a deconstruction process, which will avoid the limitations of reproducing mere variants based on empatterned mental scaffolding.32“

Beliefs and the Brain. Julien Bogousslavsky, Department of Neurology, Genolier Swiss Medical Network, Clinique, Valmont— Genolier, Glion—sur—Montreux, and Mark Inglin, SciMed, Bournens , Switzerland.

191

Conflicts Every good story contains a conflict. People read stories because they are interested in conflicts. With too few conflicts, it feels like the comfort zone. Too many conflicts are exhausting.

If you want to achieve something, you must create a difference. Every difference is in it’s essence a problem — conflict; it’s a clash of opposing powers.

If you want to achieve something, you must start having conflicts: with yourself, with the others, with your boss. If you want your life to become a good story, you must start good conflicts that you will resolve by yourself. Start a conflict with the boss and get fired from your job. It will be an occasion for you to find a new and a much better job. Have a conflict with yourself. Burn your sofa that you use for lying and watching TV. Break something that takes most of your time and causes bad habits, something that does not allow you to escape the comfort zone. Two oppositions exist: tranquility and conflict, or peace and war, or responsibility and “happiness”, or balance and misbalance. By causing a conflict you create potential. Potential is the difference between two poles, between two oppo-

192

sitions. The bigger the difference is, the bigger the potential, the tension, and the power.

For example, if you release into the market a product that doesn’t particularly stand out from the other similar products, you don’t have a conflict, you don’t have tension, you don’t have potential, which means that you don’t have luck either. And when you release something like the iPod, you take most of the market33.

You solve the conflict, you become a bigger reason; if you don’t solve it, you become a bigger consequence. The whole point is in the difference. The bigger difference you are able to cause, the bigger the possibility of achievements. Basically everything boils down to your personality and your mind. If you can cause a difference with your ideas, it means that you can have luck in anything. If you can set an objective that is different from your usual objectives of the comfort zone, you already have some kind of potential. But for achievements you need two poles, not one; so if you cause too big a difference, things may not work out for you because there will be no opposite point. When you learn to cause positive and important conflicts, you will never be lost. In other words, how much you are able to cause a difference is how much you will achieve. You will never achieve something special without having a conflict, at least with yourself, with existing opinions, with stereotypes, or with out—dated “folk wis33

In 2004 Apple’s iPod occupied 92% of US digital players market.

193

dom.” For example, if you want to sell a lot of your product, it has to be new; it has to go into some conflict with well—known norms. If you do not get angry with yourself for not doing anything, you will achieve nothing. Living in the condition of comfort, peace and bliss of not doing anything you will achieve nothing more; you will have as much as you have. Wanting more, you must make a difference, for example, between the present (“I have silver”) and your head (“I want gold”). Harmony is the balance between the reason and the consequence, it’s the absence of problems, and it’s peace and happiness. However, harmony also means that you only have what you have and you will have only what you have. Harmony is a move that comes from a previous move and that will sooner or later stop. By wanting more you discover suffering, you become a bigger reason, and you cause an imbalance. For example, after having given birth to a baby you decided to proceed with your career and you started earning more than your husband. And is your husband happy? No, because you have misbalanced the usual oasis; you’ve made your husband a bigger consequence than he was. It’s a conflict, a new thing that changes that eventually you will get used to. Confront your problem and kick its ass. Nothing will motivate you as much as reasonable conflicts. You can sacrifice your life and go on pitying yourself, bad—mouthing the government and other circumstances that are ruining your good life, and being afraid to do something. You can spend all your life blaming your parents for your ruined life. Or you can do something else. What makes the difference between achievements and inability to get the result? It’s the conscious ability to 194

face life and its problems, to learn from your mistakes, and, most importantly, to not be afraid of them, to accept the outcomes of your actions. This is responsibility — the opinion that you can do it or that you have already done it. Situation “as is” ¨ creating difference in your head ¨ seeking information ¨ problem’s solution ¨ new situation. Going against your fear of doing something is a conflict; you may stress a lot and it may also be dangerous (at least that’s what your mind may think). But if you get ready to accept any consequences of it, something unpleasant may soon turn into pleasure like something pleasant in long run turns into unpleasant things. Actually a person often has plenty of problems only because he doesn’t know or doesn’t want to do something opposite. If you have what you have but you want something more, probably you can do something in a opposite or different way.

If you want succeed in something, but you’re stuck — do it in a different way.

Every idea, every thought, every belief is a conflict that our mind creates as an opposition to the world. And the stronger potential we are able to maintain, the bigger power we create and the sooner we achieve our goal. The bigger the conflict (the push) is, the bigger the reciprocal action is. If there is no feedback, do it in another, new way. Different thinking brings different results. Have doubts about all opinions, and you will see new potential possibilities.

195

If you want to start a conflict, you must think in a different way than the masses. The masses think how to buy it; you think in a different way — how to sell it. The masses think how to go to work tomorrow; you think how not to go there. The masses think how to waste twenty years on studies; you think how to learn faster and more precisely. The masses think about two bucks; you think about two million. The masses think about how to earn one buck; you think of how to turn one buck into ten bucks effortlessly. The masses think how to buy bread; you think how to make it. The masses sit in before a TV set; you give them a show. The masses are hungry for news; you are the news. People are like stuck vinyl records; they continue in the same condition out of habit thinking that their current conditions are ultimate and there can be no complaints about them; they think that their old opinions should bring them new results. Their self—pity amplifies their conditions so much that you couldn’t cut it with an axe. They think that they are so unlucky, or they comfort themselves by saying that others are in a worse situation. They don’t even think that their conditions are just a result of their personality formed by their thoughts and different harmful beliefs. A conflict is a fight, a state of misbalance, a clash of two oppositions. It is needed as much as it is not needed. If you do the same things all the time, if you follow the same habits, you will have the same results. If you want some different results, you must create a difference, starting from your mind. A conflict is a problem, and a problem is a conflict, like the river dam. Problems are necessary so that the person doesn’t get stuck at one point; they make him evolve, compete with the others, and survive in the best possible way. On the other hand, problems are not always 196

necessary because an abundance of them kills us. Such is the reality of the world. All human life is a resolution of conflict: between wishes and abilities, between opinions, between what exists and what is sought after, and between the events of the past and the present. The best that a person can do in his life is to solve effectively the conflicts of choice that he faces. What kind of results he will have depends on what he will choose. If, by definition, happiness is balance and conflict is a misbalance, then are all conflicts unpleasant? Of course not. The pleasure or “non—pleasure” of the problem also depends on the threshold of a person’s nerve system. If a person’s comfort zone is an active solution of various problems, then even quite a big problem may not cause the feeling of unhappiness. If a person’s comfort zone is to lie on the sofa, than even a tiny disturbance of his tranquility may cause an unpleasant feeling. When a person sells his vision, does he also get involved in a conflict? Yes and no. If the society (or the key people) are ready for the vision, there is simply no conflict or it’s invisible.

For example, Julius Frontinus 34 once said, “Inventions have reached their limit and I see no hope for a further development.” The majority probably agreed and there was no conflict.

Sextus Julius Frontinus (40—103) — an ancient Roman soldier, politician, engineer and author.

197

In contrast, when Semmelweiss 35 first suggested to other doctors that they wash hands before operations, he was kindly appointed to a mental hospital. Despite truth, he created too big difference. If you want to implement something drastic, you must get involved in a conflict because your vision may clash considerably with the present situation of the society, or some people’s lies. You must go into the society, you must convince the key people that your idea is right; in other words, you must perform a lot of communication and a lot of reason in order to have your creative potential implemented. However, society may just not want to become a consequence of your idea. It is always simpler for people to deliver the automatism of their out—dated, stiff consciousness than it is try to learn new information that would most probably grant them a better survival. Renaissances, reformation — these are conflicts, bigger or smaller with accepted norms, opinions and viewpoints.

For example, I want to quit smoking and I cannot, so I cause a conflict with myself. “Fuck, you’ve pissed me off. How long can I suck a thumb?” The state of reason amplifies; I quit smoking. I want to quit smoking but I cannot. I tell myself, “well, I can’t quit and that’s it, that’s

35 Ignaz Philipp Semmelweis (1818 — 1865) was an Austrian— Hungarian physician called the “savior of mothers” who discovered, by 1847, that the incidence of puerperal fever could be drastically cut by use of hand washing.

198

the way I am. I will smoke anyway. I tried to quit many times already but I failed and I will fail again,” and I stay with my old opinion and habits. It’s a bit different if you start a conflict with another person when your opinions are different. Let’s say, you claim your opinion that you will not smoke anymore, and the other person has the opinion that he will smoke. A conflict breaks out and you accept it. When you accept the consequences of the conflict you become the reason and you fully control the situation. You now have a full power over the situation and you win.

If you want to achieve the result, you must be ready, not only start a conflict, a difference because of result, but also to accept all the consequences of the conflict; otherwise you will lose and become an even bigger consequence. Every conflict is two clashing oppositions that you can affirm or negate. Depending on your choice you become a bigger reason or a bigger consequence.

More briefly:

A person’s power depends only on his choices.

199

Causality A habit is an organized structure that has a source that feeds it: plenty of affirmations to the primal actions and the primal opinion. A habit may form both through conflicts and through their absence. A habit is a rule of survival that, in our opinion, helps us to survive better. Habits may be both positive (those that give results) and negative (those that do not). In all cases they depend on some primal opinions of a person. For example, self— disrespect or a low self—esteem may turn into the habit of smoking. Generally, any words of ours put us into the position of the reason; it creates our space. What our words are like, our time and space are like too. Let’s talk about advertising. The louder the advertisement screams and makes the customers become its consequence, the more the product will be a reason and be successful. The more different the words of the advertisement are, the bigger its potential to be noticed. Advertisements say words, they create a certain space and, if you get inside it, you become apart of that space. A simple law of physics: “potential” multiplied by “current” equals “power”. In our case the law turns into: “different words” multiplied by “to bring message and to get feedback” equals “a person who is a cause.”

200

If a powerful potential is born in the head of a person — different words that echo in the hearts of others — and he can speak them out and someone can listen to them, such a person starts controlling the others because they become a part of his space. This is the secret of the great writers, thinkers, and people who are in power. Likewise all the words that we say create such a space for us that we deserve by those words. The louder the person screams, the bigger and the more solid space he creates for himself. The most known example would be Hitler, who made all the people around him obey him by his roaring speeches. The more ready we are to accept responsibility for our words, the more solid that space is and we are more able to control others. It’s enough to remember Rasputin36 or some other hypnotizer. If you are ready to accept all the consequences of your words, probably we may say that you are totally responsible for your words, and it means that you probably have quite firm a space of your own.

In the beginning there was a word. Word created the space.

All of your achievements start with your words. Let’s say, you keep repeating, “I will be an actor.” In this way you create your time and space, that is, an image in the time and space that you are an actor. As time goes by you strengthen this opinion, you pay attention to it, you convince others, and the opinion crystallizes into 36

Grigoriy Rasputin (1869—1916) — a Russian mystic, he had an influence on the last tsar of Russia Nikolay II, his wife Alexandra, and his son the young tsar Alexey.

201

the reality. In such a way we create ourselves, our life, and our achievements. Why do you have to be ready to accept the consequences of your words? Because they are the only sign that you are real, and not an imaginary, destructive or “only verbal” cause. What do different words mean? Something different is: •

unlikely,

•

distinct,

•

separate,

•

individual,

•

various,

•

strange,

•

unusual,

•

new,

•

incomparable,

•

varying,

•

strange,

•

extraordinary,

•

fresh,

•

innovative,

•

creative,

•

original,

•

unheard of, unknown,

•

mysterious.

You can increase your being a reason only by starting with details. The more often you will tell yourself “I can 202

do this little work, and I can do it now,â&#x20AC;? the greater reason you will be later. Everything starts with details and words.

203

How to become powerful A person becomes powerful — increases his influence over the others or gains rule in one way — by accepting power. Basically accepting power is accepting responsibility. And the responsibility? Well, basically it’s just an opinion, words that you have done something or that you will definitely do something. For example, if day by day you keep repeating “It was not me who did it,” “I don’t know how,” “I cannot,” or “it was not me who caused it,” you only decrease your power because finally you will come to “I haven’t done anything,” a total inactiveness, apathy, death or zero condition. When you pay attention to yourself, you create yourself; you are your own reason and the master of your life. When you pay attention to others, you create the others. When you say that you are the reason, you create yourself and your skills, and when you say that you are not the reason, you lose your ability to change something. Humans once decided to be happy without caring about such things as roads, education systems, or laws so he transferred his responsibility (the right to speak) to the others, to his legislative and enforcing institutions. And this is how those institutions got the name — the government.

204

In enterprises the power is allotted by shares, by the number of votes. You can buy votes (parts of enterprises) for money or to acquire them in other ways; in this way you can gain the power to control some enterprise partly or completely. The right to vote is basically just words “I’m for” or “I’m against.” And these simple words just mean a choice. For example, a question is raised: “A new flat or the old one?” You choose the one or the other. The results depend on your choice, as well as certain pluses and minuses. In enterprises, public institutions or governing institutions the process is simple – in the beginning you have the opinion that you are responsible for something, and then you convert the opinion: •

If you want to be elected, you say for example “We have to change this order; it cannot be like this and I will change it.” If people believe you (especially if you confirm your opinion), you get into the government;

•

If you want to become the head of an enterprise, you say, for example “I will do this and that for this enterprise,” and for your services you get your share in that enterprise;

•

If you simply want to influence people, you just say something like “I did like this and like that and I will do the same for you,” and if the people believe you, they give a part of their power to you (even in the form of money).

Power starts with a simple tiny detail; it starts with responsibility – the opinion that you can do something.

205

Such things as recommendations, feedbacks, and image are expressions of the very same power, of the opinion of others about you. The more people (and the more important people) you make grant some powers to you, the more powerful you will become; you will control the situation more effectively. The more a person attributes creation to outside powers, the lesser power he has to change something. And the more creation (in the past, present or future) a person attributes to himself or the more he is able to make the others give him their powers (responsibility), the more he can change, possess, and control. If you can say “People, don’t do that, I will do that for you,” you are rising your power to control and those people are giving away their power to you. In other words, if you are able to accept someone else’s responsibility, you will never miss and it will be easy for you to survive. All companies and all people are ready to give their responsibility to you for money in return. For example, when one get hungry, he don’t think that now he should go to milk a cow, to make cheese, then leave it to mature, to go and fetch some wheat, make the flour, mix the dough and bake the bread and then finally make a sandwich. Instead he goes to a shop and buys the products he needs; others prepare them. In return he gives his energy in the form of money. All people choose what they will do; they take up responsibility for certain roles and actions. Some want to do one thing, other want to do another. And then communication in the form of exchange appears because everybody needs something. In this way all people exchange their responsibility, and then they exchange the conse206

quences of their reasons into the consequences of someone else’s reasons. The more you will be able to accept responsibility for some opinions of yours, the more solid will be the playground of your role. For example, the business of insurance is purely a business of taking over the responsibility. Companies pay to insurance companies just for them to be responsible if something happens. Companies also need employees who would take up the responsibility for a part of input to the work of the company. Businesses need various services that they transfer to others in return for money. When we look at life at first this seems complicated but basically what is happening everywhere is just an exchange. Economics, for example, is basically an exchange of opinions, and exchange is nothing else but communication. A full cycle of exchange is two “utterances;”, one giving of a good or a service and one giving of money. An incomplete cycle is theft, begging, and similar things. The stronger, powerful the opinion is, the stronger the power. The stronger the power is, the more real the thing. The more real it is, the more valuable and convertible. In few words: value equals difference times communication. That’s how the world works. Of course, the more powerful the man is, the more power he can gain only because he reinvests his power. When a man becomes powerful, he can become more powerful only showing his image. In other words, solely by spreading the word about his power he becomes more powerful. If we want to be powerful, if we want to be the reason in some situation, problem or in our life in general, 207

we must take up responsibility or increase the amount, precision, or control of information. One must think like this: “Even though I’m afraid to change it and I have plenty of doubts, I am starting to realize that I’ve done this problem because I know that success depends on the acceptance of responsibility.” When you are facing up to the problem, you are already trying to control it. When you are learning its qualities you are trying to increase the knowledge, the information or the precision of information about it. When you are just starting to solve it, you are accepting responsibility. After having learned everything and accepted enough responsibility or control, you become the reason; you are in the power to have or not to have that problem, freedoms or skills. For example, if while doing your job you face some problem and you don’t know how to solve it, you choose to learn it, not to complain. In this way you gain some more power, it means that you can control the situation easier.

Two people were trying to do the same job of creating a modification of a certain program. They both faced the same problem — the lack of knowledge how to do it. One decided to learn it and now he has a functioning business. The other one stopped because he decided not to go on since he didn’t know how to do it anyway.

A person who accepts full responsibility for the situation, and who is able to control it fully and who knows about it is on the causality level of that situation.

208

To be on the level of reason is to be able to cause the same kind of situation (to perform the consequence), to change it or to end it by your own will. When he is the cause of the situation, he is able to change the situation fully. In that case he is in control of the situation. And this power depends only on the choice. A person usually cannot accept responsibility for the whole situation immediately; he cannot achieve a big goal in a day, and he cannot make an important decision in a day. He needs more time to think it over and to decide. Alternatively, he can divide a decision into many small decisions and move ahead gradually.

Accusation (attribution of the reason of being, of action or possession) is a direct transition of a person’s power to someone else.

How is the power of a person passed down to someone else? Accusation is a transfer of responsibility to someone else. While accusing, a person says, “What happened is not my fault. It’s the fault of god, of the stars, of my wife (husband), of the evil eye, of a curse.” When you transfer responsibility, together with it you transfer the power to control the situation. It means that the more you blame, let’s say, the government, the more strength it gains with respect to you. Be nice to others and they will receive you nicely because you will have power to control them. Blame the others and everyone will shit on your head because you

209

just transferred to them your priceless psychokinetic power of your consciousness. The longer you will blame your neighbor for his hens, the more his hens will pick at you, either in reality or just in your imagination. You only have to get back your responsibility, and the neighbor will be sweet as sugar. With responsibility you get power.

210

Why people lie Why do people lie? In order to survive better by making the reality look nicer, in order to increase their value. The thing is that we lie not really in order to survive better; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just that the person thinks that by lying he will survive better. A lie is a compensation of the real action. You cannot perform a real action, so you make up some reason to yourself, in this way justifying yourself. Members of government lie in elections because they want the position on which their survival depends. The man lies to himself that everything is all right with his life to somehow compensate for the sad reality. The man lies to himself to calm himself. Businesses lie in order to create a positive image of themselves and to sell their products successfully. Any justification of your inactiveness is a lie to yourself.

Alcoholism is also a lie that makes the responsibility, the hard life, or an accident in the past look nicer. When a person drinks he kind of tells himself â&#x20AC;&#x153;I do not accept the reality the way it is, so I will lie about it.â&#x20AC;? And he lies about it getting drunk, pulling the mask of a happy drunkard on his eyes. 211

Lies are the reasons why problems occur. It is advisable not to try to comfort yourself but to face up to the problem and try to solve it. In this way you will become more powerful. Instead of saying, “Well, don’t cry; everything will be all right,” we should say, “I will make it so that I don’t cry.” In order to be able to control something a person who cannot perform a real action must lie.

For example, if someone tells you “Do not even try,” he is trying to lie to you because he wants to keep you in control. He is trying to prevent you from acting so that you remain in the same condition that you’re in now. It’s for the sake of survival. It’s more convenient for them to control you, to keep you in their environment, than to have you free.

This is the way, let’s say, mothers behave when they are trying to keep their children under their umbrella. “You are still little” is a possible manipulation of this kind, expression of ego. This is the way a husband may behave if he sees that his wife wants to seek a career and get out of the role of a housewife. He says, “You will fail,” and the wife listens to him, she agrees with this kind of opinion because she still has doubts; as a result she remains in the same role and same comfort zone. It’s comfortable for the husband because everything remained in its place. It’s because changes of any kind are not pleasant, not comfortable.

212

“You will lose if you do not buy this thing;” good managers use this one.

For example, one child was taken care of by his grandmother for a long time. The grandmother probably was trying to compensate her life, so she sort of lived for that child. She would say, “Don’t go; I will,” “Don’t do that, I will;” she would give him everything and do everything for him. The result was that a child of five years old could not do anything by himself; he could not get dressed, he did not know numbers and letters, he could not take food if he was hungry, he asked someone to pass it to him, and he still walked with diapers. When the child was separated from the grandmother, she was whining all the time how poor her grandchild is; this was a clear lie, an attempt to compensate her power on child, by further harming the child, to keep him in her environment in order to control him and make him powerless.

The manipulator understands that the easiest way to get what he wants is to appeal to your instinct of survival, the essential aspiration to survive in the best possible way. If a person is trying to generalize 37 when the facts are not sufficient, he is trying to justify his opinion or to keep you in control.

Generalization is the opposite of specialization. It’s the base element of logics and reasoning. For example, “animal” is a generalization of “bird.”.

213

The media, let’s say, lies to cause a greater sensation. The media is a master of disguising a lie, of not changing the facts but putting words together in such a way that the sensation is even bigger. A bigger sensation means more brain—washed readers. More readers mean more income, which means a better survival for them.

Any stereotype is a generalization; it’s not the exact information that helps us to have fewer problems. One study said, “we have also discovered that the relatively more negative attitudes held by individuals high in authoritarianism are predicted best by symbolic beliefs.38“

On the nature of prejudice. Canadian Psychology, Jan 1994 by Zanna, Mark P

214

VI. Power and its worth

215

Communication — exchange If we want to understand how to be rich, we first have to understand what richness is or what money is. Money, in itself, is not a real thing; it’s just paper with a picture of some dead person or some church which, in the opinion of the government, best reflects the meaning of the paper. In other words money is an opinion. Let’s say, you work and you earn money; you get your employer’s opinion about your work. When you submit your work, you are a reason; when you get paid for that work, you become a consequence. The cycle is complete. You’ve converted your energy into the paper or some other expression of that energy. The point of this game is to be the reason as much as possible (to give) with as little effort as possible and respectively to get the consequences (energy expressed in paper). Let’s say a guy who unloads bricks unloads 10 tons of bricks per day and for that he gets 100 bucks. In order to make 10 000 bucks per month he will need to unload 1000 tons of bricks. He will need to work 100 days or to unload as much in one day as 3 workers unload. The conclusion is he is going to need 6 arms and 6 legs, not taking into account other organs and expenses for food. The game is lost.

216

That is why only these options to increase wealth exist: •

To work more — to invest more energy,

•

To do a more valuable job — to invest mind,

•

To make others work — to invest into efforts and minds of others,

•

To make money work.

To work more. — Well, everybody knows that it’s not a smart way to make a fortune. What’s the use of working from morning to night if you don’t see your family and lose your health? It’s not effort that has to make money but smart effort. In other words, it’s valuable effort. To do a more valuable job. — In other words, the others must have a respective opinion about me. Opinion about A—list leaders usually is expressed by salaries of hundreds of thousands per month. If I manage to create the opinion about myself that I am “the expert in my field,” “a specialist,” “a leader,” “a businessman”. All of my actions must confirm this opinion; the more actions of this kind there are, the stronger the opinion will be, which means that the value of my effort will be bigger. Just like we choose our habits and roles with our opinions, we can establish our role for the others by claiming what we are. You are what you say you are. Of course, in this case some things influence the value: •

Education in institutions about which companies have high opinion (make a list),

•

Past achievements and wins,

217

•

Work experience in institutions about which people have high opinion,

•

And relations with those people about which people have high opinion.

Without a primal opinion about yourself you will achieve nothing. Since children often don’t know what the world consists of, it’s the duty of parents to encourage them to believe in themselves and to have the best real opinion about themselves so that they can survive better. If you want to increase the value of a product, you have to orient into similar things. For example, the uniqueness of the product (“a different word”) increases its value. Victories of the product increase its value. Good quality and good consumer feedback increase its value. If we remember simple laws of physics, the product’s occupation of the market equals a different product multiplied by communication. Knowing this simple truth you face only two basic challenges: •

How to create a different product or service,

•

How to perform enough communication.

If you are using your or someone else’s mind, sooner or later you will come to a different product. When you have the product, you only have to concentrate on communication. Do not get lost in many types of communication, such as press rallies and publicity; it’s better to look at it more creatively and open—mindedly. Even if you don’t have money that you could start with, you can start with zero, with your “only ease” – your mind. Think of a unique service and go from door to door and communicate.

218

To make others work. — In other words, make others buy time and service in return for your opinion and the opinion of labor market about their time and effort. What should you do to succeed here? Well, some people used slaves in the ancient time. It means that, in your opinion, services of those people are worth nothing.

In such a way let’s say, in Brazil entire churches were built with golden roofs, and people who have regained freedom are forced to be slaves anyway, because they don’t have any compensation for the past. Then you can come to the lands of American Indians and say that their opinion is worth nothing, this is your land now and you confirm this opinion with a few shots of a shotgun. That’s it, hurray, you are rich!

If you do it in a normal and civilized way, you should choose people who are working or have worked in companies that are highly regarded in the market. It’s one thing to hire a sales director who has worked in Microsoft; it’s quite another to hire one who has worked for the individual enterprise of John Doe. Also you have to choose people who are highly regarded by their previous employers. Moreover, you should choose people who can demonstrate high achievements of their past. Also you have to be able to see the qualities of such people before they become successful because sometimes it’s cheaper to buy a “raw” product than the one about which there is a good opinion already. 219

For example, if a person achieves high results and he knows how to accomplish his tasks effectively, he will probably be a good employee in the future. To put it briefly, you can recognize a good employee from his ability to communicate (not only verbally) and from his ideas (ability to make a potential). To make money work. — In other words, buy a part of other person’s effort and time in return for the market opinion about them. What do you have to do to succeed here? See the companies that already have all the qualities and opinions that they need for a great success in the future. You should choose the companies that have a big potential of reason (survival). How do you know that they are like this? You know it from their ability to communicate and create unique products of course. Productivity is the ability to create value in a certain time, having used a certain amount of energy (materials, labor, other expenses). So, logically we may see these ways of increasing productivity: 1. Increase the value of the activity. You can change the activity or re—orientate it, 2. Decrease the amount of time needed to create the same value. Find a space that requires less effort to create the same or greater value. 3. Decrease the amount of expenses needed to create the same value. 4. Decrease the consumption of labor. Make as many functions as possible automatic. 5. Decrease waste.

220

If, because of the fault of others, larger than usual efforts are required or delays occur, you should find out the reasons why it is happening. A person’s opinion about himself and the work that he does directly influences his productivity as well as the productivity of his team. Give your employees this book to improve their beliefs, to learn universal solutions for their problems, and thus increasing your firm’s productivity. There are three states that we know from previous chapters: being, action, and possession. Productivity and results are the third state that depends directly on action and being. If a person has a low opinion about himself, the possibility increases that he will do his work with a low value or will make a lot of waste. If a person has a low opinion about his work, he will do it off—handedly or half—heartedly. So if you want to find out where the organization doesn’t function, you must find out the negative opinions of employees and eliminate them. Your results, generally, depend on how big, valuable and important a reason you will become.

221

Why do we fail? When you have bad luck, instead of strengthening your opinion of success “I will do it”, you just wave your hand “next time I’ll succeed.” “Next time I’ll succeed” is just an excuse that shows a lack of reason or responsibility. The secret of success in business (and anywhere else) is that when a difficulty occurs you have to strengthen your initial opinion even more. Difficulties are a sign that you are moving in some direction; it’s a sign of conflict. As we know, you can react to every conflict (and difficulty as well) in two ways: retreat or continue. It’s not enough just to tell yourself, “I will do it,” for everything to settle out by itself. There are many small conflicts in the way to every final result, to every realization of a goal. Just like a river needs to put constant effort into pushing a stone that blocks its way, we cannot have something just by sitting and dreaming. The road of strengthening the achievement consists of these parts:

222

•

Beginning or becoming. In the beginning, you have to become someone in order to have something. In the beginning, you have to become the reason of the idea and the skill to realize it. In the beginning, you have to start with your mind.

•

Continuation or action. Then you have to continue it. With every conflict (difficulty) that occurs you have to continue being the reason;

you have to confirm your primal opinion and goal. •

The end or possession. After having been the reason until you reached the goal that you’ve set, you finally can become the consequence of your existence and action.

Watch the details, the kinds of opinions that occur when even a small difficulty arises. You are an active participant; with every minute of your life you choose what you will have later. When a negative opinion occurs, you have to claim the opposite, your initial opinion; you have to be the reason, not the consequence, of that opinion. In the process of continuation “I don’t understand anymore,” “I can’t do this anymore,” “It doesn’t work” have to be changed into “I understand,” “I can,” and “it works.” When you have set the goal; conflicts (difficulties) will not come unexpectedly, if you make a list of what kind of difficulties in your opinion you will have to overcome.

Let’s say that before the war emigrants, in order to escape from Russians or Germans and get a job, had to face these conflicts: •

A conflict with themselves — to leave their home, to endure the difficulties of the journey,

•

A conflict with people of a different religion. For example, some emigrants were Catholics. Others were, let’s say, Protes-

223

tants; some others believed that emigrants were taking their valuable jobs. So emigrants had to overcome all these difficulties and settle down. When we want to achieve something, the world or nature may oppose our aspirations. Here we have only two options. One is to affirm and speak out our goal once again; to say “yes, this is my goal, and I will keep striving for it.” The other is give up your primal goal: “Perhaps I’ll try to do something else.” And when the later tries to make something else, he may give second goal also. When a conflict occurs you can avoid it and in this way get peace and happiness, but only by sacrificing something else. Let’s say there is a conflict in a family about the lack of money. There are two options: to be the reason of the conflict and to solve it, or just to wait for the lack of money to settle out blaming the other. There are two consequences. The resolved conflict guarantees happiness to the family in the future; the unresolved conflict keeps re—emerging, although it gives you peace in the sense that you don’t have to care about resolving this conflict now.

Avoiding the conflict only makes sense when the conflict is pointless, senseless and may give no result.

Success in business, as well as in personal life, greatly depends on the ability to combine the reason with the consequence. A successful business is usually both a reason and a consequence.

224

The author of the book “Marketing Genius” 39 Peter Fisk wrote about this “Space of geniality = from the outside to the inside + from the inside to the outside. This direction helps the organization to feel the possibilities.” Any imbalance to one side must be balanced out on the other side. In this way, a business that wants clients to be controlled will probably come to a situation when clients will be totally out of control. In contrast, businesses can become the reason for their clients and win a lot if they let their clients take control, let’s say by conducting so—called marketing studies, by using some other feedback, or by listening what the clients say about their product. Success depends on e balanced communication: when you have to — you are the reason, when you have to — you are the consequence.

Peter Fisk “Marketing genius”.

225

Wealth and orientation of consciousness If you want to be rich, change your present attitude. If you are asking for something, it means that you are not ready to be the reason of wealth. When you are the reason for wealth, you have something to offer and then it automatically converts into money. To know what and how you have to offer in the best way, you have to learn it and you have to get the maximum of information. School will not necessarily teach you this; you have to teach yourself by choosing your decisions. A tiny mistake that costs you only a penny may cost someone thousands. The whole difference is only in convictions, opinions and understanding. Two people may understand the same thing in different ways and their results will be different. This happens because of different ways of thinking. If you want wealth, the first thing you must get rid of is “the mentality of asking.” Change it to “mentality of giving.” If you want to achieve everything fast and easily, you don’t ask others to do something for you, to give you a job or to offer you something. No. You say, “We are the best, what can we offer to you?” and you do it.

226

You tell everyone, “You will regret if you don’t do business with me now, because a month later you will see that it will be like this and that.” And you do it because you know how it works. And you accomplish it and they see that you are a man of words and results. Then they want to have business with you. Money starts flowing in easily. You only have to eliminate your weak points and stop being a victim of circumstances. In the beginning you become strong inside, and then your power in the outside grows. First, you become somebody inside, and then it comes out. Everything depends on the state of mind; if you want to control the situation, you have to become “from the inside into the outside,” not “from the outside inside.” Everything depends on the orientation of mind. First of all, you cannot expect to get big money easily if you are work—oriented. You have to orient to the question, “How can I do this in a faster, easier, and more profitable way?” You get what you’ve been thinking of all day because “it is the way you think it is.” If you spend all day thinking how to work, you will work; the results will be in second place. If you think about results, you will not have to work because you will achieve the results in different, non—stereotypical, way. You have to see opportunities. For that you need an open mind; you have to drink the air like expression of abundance. People don’t have money because they don’t have abundance in their minds; they are not full. They keep repeating their opinions: “I don’t have money for that,”

227

“We cannot go to a restaurant today,” and so on. In this way they create their reality. It will be the other way around, if you take care of yourself from the beginning. You will surround yourself with luxurious items, you will go to high—class venues and your mind will change, your attitude will change, and with your attitude, the results will change as well. Even when I didn’t have money for a long time I used to go to city to see the latest movie. Once I even sent my mother to watch a film. A friend of mine was very surprised: “You go to town just to watch a movie? You must be crazy!” When you don’t have abundance in your mind, you hope to win something in a lottery or you beg for charity. Nobody wants to bother with you because nobody wants additional responsibility. When you gain abundance in you consciousness, when you accept responsibility, that’s when you’ll have start achieving. You may notice that people who don’t have enough income are simply angry, they have foolish convictions, they don’t see the reality the way it really is, and they don’t learn real things. You understand later that you have to “chop down” your “righteousness” and accept the reality and the real laws that do not depend on your convictions.

228

Multiplication by communication When you have the right orientation, when you have raised the value of the energy converted, you can multiply it. Multiplication is basically marketing and advertising, and marketing and advertising is a direct communication. When we already have some value, we must sell it. These ways of encouraging sales are used: words that tell a lie, and lie once again.

For example, if you look at it objectively, smoking is an addiction, but it’s advertised as a way to gain freedom. A lie. Beer, when drunk, causes drunkenness and fights. It is advertised as a peace—making means of communication. One more lie.

Of course, not everybody lies in such an obvious way; others may simply play with human wishes and convince us that what we don’t have at that moment will definitely help us and that we need it terribly. Many times in my life I have bought on the Internet so—called “informational products” that were supposed to make me rich. None of them did it; they were all about the same: just abstract “informational” rubbish boxes.

229

But the advertisements sounded nice, and I wanted to believe them. All that information was available on the Internet for free, but advertisements offered to sell it as extraordinary for sums ranging of a hundred to a few hundreds of dollars per item, or it offered participation in seminars where I would hear the same kind of crap but for several thousands of dollars. Judging from the words of the vendor of that information, they earned a lot from it. Well, what do you expect? The most expensive purchase in this world is lie. Every person wants to survive in the best possible way, and knowing that marketing specialists play with this instinct, they draw beautiful pictures with beautiful promises. When someone promises you easy way to something, it is most probably a lie. If you want to increase your sales fast, lie. Lying makes reality look prettier and helps you, at first sight, to survive better.

Real estate agents lie to people often, making some “advantages” of the house look better. For example, once people were buying a house that hadn’t been built yet and sellers made them believe that house will had a balcony when actually there hasn’t. A buyer, hypnotized by the advertisement “internet without limits”, signs a contract of the service for several years, and then he learns that it was just a campaign and from now on he will have to pay a dollar for every megabyte.

230

If you occupy a big part of the market, lying is not a problem. You can add many asterisks above the name of the share, and hide the true conditions in the fine print. You can even lie that your offer hasn’t any asterisks when actually you have. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for better survival. You can make some numbers look better and in this way gain extra profit. Generally any thing for sale is a lie. Does a cave man need wallpaper, a nice floor, a computer, and all these cell phones? Basically he doesn’t need anything, just a cave and some mammoth meat. But he wants to live better, so he makes up all kinds of lies and entertains with them. Others go to various gurus, where they look for something that they had never lost. And they end up losing everything, including their money and their friends. And they pay it all for a lie, for the belief that they can find that which they had never lost. Irony, but people like the lies, they don’t like the truth. Truth is sore, and a lie paints beautiful pictures of easy life and easy achievements. Oh, with lies everything is possible! The greatest problem of the human is his fear to be a consequence, the fear to survive in a bad way. A person who knows this problem achieves a lot because he knows what all the people in this world want. They crave to be reasons. If lying is not an option, a slower way exists; it’s the normal communication. – make your clients the reasons and they will be happy and give you their money. Lie to them, make them consequences and you will achieve only temporal results.

231

Coherence To achieve results means to accomplish the tasks assigned as effectively as possible, to get a result, to complete the cycle of communication. First, you make some belief about yourself, you become someone, get a role, then act according to your role, and finally you get the results depending on your initial beliefs. All tasks have the beginning, the continuation and the end result. Malfunctions in some part of the chain (absence of result, enthusiastic beginning without continuation, wrong role) show that the person is not coherent. Behavior of a coherent person is as follows: he sees the problem, he sets the task or goal, and he continues the same task until he gets the final result of the work. Malfunction of coherence is basically just a logic disorder; it means that everything may be changed using your own brain. If a person cannot complete the work that he has started, it can be noticed in the way he communicates too. And vice versa, if you communicate with a person and you notice incoherence you may say that the person has problems with uncompleted works. Full cycle of communication is coherent: you say, then listen. If you only say or only listen, here is a problem, most probably this logic disorder influences your results.

232

Seeing how people communicate, we can say about their problems, freedoms and skills – every opinion or belief starts from communication and reflects in it. A certain amount of incoherence is not bad because some kind of incoherence is usual among more or less all artists. Artists tend not to follow the straight “from point A to point B” logic. A person who is too incoherent is unreliable because he may promise something, believing that he will do it, but he will not. An incoherent person also tends to jump from one side to another, from one extreme to another. This reflects in his communication. We all have these qualities, so it is important to recognize and change them to achieve more results in our life. How can we change it? Incoherence is nurtured just like other characteristics, and it is rarely acquired. It starts with the same details (choices), and the words that we say according to those choices. The reason for inconsistency, incoherence, lack of results, and inability to complete tasks lies somewhere in some opinion hidden in the subconscious that forces to skew normal communication; the person will definitely protect it in every way just as incoherently. If you give him a straight argument, he will confront you with an incoherent, illogical argument that has nothing to do with the task or the problem. Basically all our excuses are illogical. The mind of a person who is not able to accomplish his tasks works in a non—linear way. A task is set up, and then, instead of a logical straight line, it breaks because of some other wish or contra—aspiration, becomes a

233

curve, and goes astray in a winding road to the totally opposite direction from original goal. Incoherence basically is curved lines between the reason and the consequence, so we can decipher any incoherence (and also any failure) by following our words.

234

VII. Closing word

235

â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, is it possible to live without problems?â&#x20AC;? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not completely possible because in our life we will always encounter issues that we will have to solve. Reason why we will encounter them is because we are alive. Even a baby, who has parents to take care of him, has problems: the baby gets hungry and thirsty, its diapers need to be changed, his stomach aches, and so on. Absolute values are unattainable and, even if they were attainable, evolution of the humanity would stop. Problems and their solutions are necessary for the humanity to be able to evolve. Although it is impossible to live without any problems, it is possible to solve them effectively or decrease amount of those which are totally pointless. Moreover, you can get to know what, who, where, why, and how, and by changing certain things in your life you can decrease senseless problems to a minimum.

236

The universal recipe How to solve any problem put in a few words? 1. Identify the problem. 2. Learn new information regarding problem until it disappears. Example 1. “I fear trading stocks because I’ve lost money” ¨ Why? ¨ I don’t trust my trading system ¨ What can I learn to make higher probability trades? ¨ Examine my trading system more carefully, seek new information than can help improve and make appropriate changes. ¨ OK, now I’m not entering too late or exiting trades too early. Example 2. “I can’t learn this material” ¨ Why? ¨ I don’t believe I need it ¨ What can I do? ¨ Examine do I really need it, when it can be applicable and whether it will be most useful for me. ¨ OK, now I know that I can study better material than this one. Example 3. “I’m afraid to approach that girl” ¨ Why? ¨ My fear seems bears from that I don’t know women well ¨ What can I do about that? ¨ Learn what a creature women is ¨ OK, now I’ve learnt that basically women are same human beings like men and do want same things.

237

Main concepts 1. Life is basically a full—duplex 40 communication. 2. Communication line’s distortion or blockade creates problem, problem creates non— freedom, non—freedom — inability, inability — lack of achievement or result. 3. Wrong information going through communication lines creates wrong belief, wrong belief — wrong role and wrong role — wrong space or game. 4. Communication’s main purpose is to survive or to be in balance. 5. Communication distortions tend to be balanced in some way. 6. Power is communication multiplied by difference.

A full—duplex system allows communication in both directions.

238

239

240

My 5 problems and goals Now take a look at the list of problems and goals that you made in the beginning of the book. How would you solve them? Have you succeeded in solving them? Or perhaps you have some questions? Visit us at www.htlwp.com and let us know how you are going on.

241

Any questions? Due to the volume of the book not all issues of life have been covered. If you have any questions, please visit our website at: www.talaikis.com Here you can: •

Ask questions and get answers to them,

•

Communicate with the other readers of this book,

•

Share your ideas,

•

And so on.

Visit us now!

242

243

VIII. Roles and games

244

The main social roles: •

Old man (wise man)

•

Child (irresponsible)

•

Slave (victim)

•

Slave owner (dictator)

•

Parasite (criminal)

•

Prostitute (selling oneself)

•

Hired labor force (soldier, worker)

•

Employee (businessman)

•

Superman (hero)

•

Parents (father, mother)

According to qualities: •

Boastful person

•

Fool

•

Smart one

•

Madman

•

Joker

•

Coward

Widespread social games: •

Why does it always happen to me? (victim)

•

Look at what you’ve made me do! (victim)

•

Look how hard I’m trying for you (lie seeking own needs)

245

246

•

I’m just trying to help you (lie seeking own needs)

•

It was just a joke… (avoidance of responsibility)

•

I got you, bastard! (lie seeking own needs)

•

Because I said so! (dictator)

•

What [ego] you have! (quality transfer)

247

248

249

X. Index

250

“Non—talking” day..................................................... 55 “Only consequence” victims ............................................................... 58 “Only reason” dictators ........................................................ 29, 55

A Accusation..............................................................210 Achievements from communication to ..........................................168 lack of change .....................................................110 natural path to...................................................... 46 source of ............................................................. 44 from attention to..................................................119 Anarchy .................................................................162 Anger....................................................................161 Anxiety........................................................... 140, 161 Apathy ..................................................................161 Autocracy...............................................................161 Avoidant personality disorder.......................................108

B Balance .................................................................. 10 forced to ............................................................. 29 programmed......................................................... 30 through declarations ............................................... 79 Beliefs ..................................................................101 as reality filters....................................................111 opinion becomes belief............................................ 97 Both—and approach...................................................129

C Causality................................................................201 Coherence..............................................................233 Comfort zone ........................................................... 40 happiness in ......................................................... 64 Communication

251

abnormal ............................................................ 54 as life itself ......................................................... 17 fear to communicate .............................................. 64 full cycle............................................................. 52 losing wording ...................................................... 35 normal ............................................................... 52 two opposites ....................................................... 27 winning wording .................................................... 35 Compassion ............................................................157 Conflicts................................................................192 Creating yourself......................................................122

D Death ...................................................................161 Democracy .............................................................162 depression .............................................................162 Desperation ............................................................. 69 Doubt ...................................................................161 Drug withdrawal ....................................................... 72

E Economics multiplication......................................................230 nature of ...........................................................217 Effort .................................................................... 13 Eitherâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;or approach ..................................................129 Enthusiasm.............................................................161 Experience as source of achievements........................................ 45

F Failure reason of ...........................................................223 Family healthy family .....................................................106 Fear ...............................................................145, 161

G Goal ...................................................................... 10

252

Good and evil ..........................................................106 Gossiping ................................................................ 65

H Happiness ......................................................... 10, 173 true happiness ...................................................... 48 Help .....................................................................157

I Imaginary actions ...................................................... 66 Information as source of problems ............................................. 13 difference between winning and losing......................... 34 for solving problems ............................................... 17 useful................................................................. 19

L Lie .......................................................................212 as source of achievements ........................................ 75 as source of problems ............................................. 13 Life main purpose of .................................................... 38

M Mind as source of balance ............................................... 38 as source of problems ............................................. 88 inserts its signal ...................................................115 Misbalance source of illnesses .................................................. 30 Murder ..................................................................162

N Negative actions ....................................................... 66 Neurosis ................................................................. 62

253

O Oligarchy ...............................................................162

P Path difficult and easy................................................... 31 Persecution ............................................................. 65 Power .............................................................161, 205 attribution of power ..............................................210 power of the past .................................................189 Problem acquiring information about...................................... 21 looking into ......................................................... 21 nature of ............................................................ 10 reason for ........................................................... 13 stuck to .............................................................. 12 Psychopath.............................................................. 56 Pushing .................................................................. 29 Pyromania............................................................... 62

Q Quarrels ................................................................. 54

R Racism ................................................................... 67 Reality filtering reality ....................................................111 Reason declined ............................................................. 66 weak one ............................................................ 66 Resistance as source of pain ................................................... 71 Responsibility..........................................................180 relief of .............................................................. 63 Righteousness .................................................... 97, 149

S Selfâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;confidence ......................................................153

254

Selfâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;esteem ...........................................................153 Skills.....................................................................174 Smoking quitting .............................................................. 19 Stability as source of problems ............................................. 95 Stress....................................................................159 Success .................................................................223 Suicide ..................................................................162 Survival as main purpose of life ............................................ 38 compensation of reality ........................................... 41 influence of beliefs ...............................................101 moving up...........................................................163 table of .............................................................161 through lie..........................................................212 two paths ............................................................ 41

T Torture anatomy of .........................................................129 Truth as source of achievements ........................................ 75

U Unfaithfulness .......................................................... 69

V Value ....................................................................218 Verbal actions .......................................................... 66 Victim escaped .............................................................. 62 how to become ..................................................... 59 how to solve......................................................... 59 Violence anatomy of .........................................................134

255

256

257

258