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Finding the light in the loss of a spouse by Katherine Donlevy Associate Editor
Outliving a partner is a nightmare for most people. It may feel impossible to continue without one’s spouse, especially if the relationship had lasted for decades. But a spouse’s death does not mean that the remainder of the surviving partner’s life has to be spent in mourning and despair. There is a plethora of mental, social and financial steps one can take to not just survive, but thrive in the wake of loss. Mentally Dr. Laura DeRubeis-Byrne, a licensed clinical psychologist who frequently works with patients at the Margaret Tietz Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Jamaica Hills, said the grieving process is multilayered, multistaged and different for every person. The grieving process does have a natural end in acceptance, she said, but that may feel impossible when one is in the midst of dealing with the loss of a loved one. “There may be a sense of a hole they can’t ever fill,” DeRubeis-Byrne said, advising to allow oneself to feel all the emotions that come with death, and to “make space for a hole in your heart.” There are 10 self-care strategies that DeRubeis-Byrne advises her patients to follow when grappling with a loved-one’s death. The approaches are valuable to anyone dealing with grief, she said, whether one is a spouse, a caregiver, a child or a friend. • Making time for yourself to pause. Dealing with grief is fatiguing, especially if you served as a caregiver. Take a moment to relax and rest. • Practice deep breathing. In addition to fatigue, the body often becomes emotionally overwhelmed and stressed, so slowing down to inhale and exhale can calm the mind. • Listen to your favorite music. “Music is useful to get us out of the slump and remind us that we can feel differently,” DeRubeisByrne said. • Practice physical exercise, even if it’s as simple as going for a walk or even dancing to your favorite music. Activity releases endorphins, a happy hormone. • Eat healthy. Comfort food is especially appealing when dealing with grief, but can negatively affect one’s mood. • Engage in physical touch, even if there’s no one else around. Hug yourself, DeRubeis-Byrne said, or even a pillow or a weighted blanket. • Schedule positive activities that made you happy before the death of your loved one. “Meeting a friend, or a daughter can be a great way to shake us out of feeling down,” said DeRubeis-Byrne. • Laughter is a great, natural immune booster, she continued. Watching a comedy or reading a joke can help remind oneself that there are feelings to be felt beside sadness. • Create a memory jar. This project can be started before your loved one passes, so
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Giving oneself the time and the space to come to terms with the situation will make it easier down the line to focus on the complicated, mundane task of sorting out one’s finances, she explained. When one is prepared to do so, the most important part is finding the right professional to make the process as smooth as possible. One of those professionals could be a financial planner, O’Shaunessy Montaigne said. Those professionals advise clients on investments, insurance, tax, retirement and estate planning, most of which will change when a partner passes away. “Sometimes there may be a need for some court intervention for a court or administration proceeding for the spouse who passed,” O’Shaunessy Montaigne said, pointing to one example. A planner can also help determine whether one is entitled to the spouse’s pension or Social Security, she continued. “That’s why there’s times you need professional help.” O’Shaunessy Montaigne also advised seeking the assistance of an estate lawyer in order to update one’s own documents, such Losing a spouse, especially one who had been a part of one’s life for decades, is an especially hard as a will. A lawyer is crucial in navigating loss, but there are plenty of opportunities for surviving seniors to pursue that make a happy and which surviving loved ones should act as a PHOTOS BY KINDEL MEDIA / PEXELS.COM fulfilling life possible. healthcare proxy or hold a power of attorney and other positions of authority. that you have something to reflect on when help an individual come to a place where “Looking for assistance and the right they are no longer with you. You can pull they don’t necessarily find closure, but find assistance in making sure they’re getting out a happy memory or a photograph when- meaning and purpose for themselves,” said everything is important,” O’Shaunessy ever you want to connect to that person. Channan. Montaigne said. “People feel overwhelmed • Seek professional help. Losing a loved Commonpoint Queens hosts an Adult and and lost during this time, so that’s why realone is hard, especially for seniors who have Senior Services Center at its Central Queens izing not everything has to be done overlocation in Forest Hills, and offers social, been with their spouse for a majority of Q their life. Don’t ever be afraid to get your recreational and educational activities night is important.” feelings out and into the open, DeRubeis- designed for the needs of older adults. Many programs include healing groups, but others Byrne said. are centered on fun, such as art classes, karaoke, bingo and “chat with friends Socially Friday.” Engaging in community events and “It shows them that there’s still purpose becoming socially active should only be for them. There’s still joy to be enjoyed. considered once a grieving spouse feels There’s still life,” said Channan. “Many of ready, emphasized Shelly Channan, the director of adult and senior services at Com- them who go through the bereavement process and get to a healthy place, many will monpoint Queens. Channan recommends joining a bereave- say, ‘I want to live,’ and that’s really imporment group first. Commonpoint runs such tant ... Having them get to a place where they want to do things and live their best groups for those who lost their spouse, specifically, which meet once a week. The ses- version of life, that’s the goal.” sions are meant to help clients deal with Financially their loss alongside others who are coping Taking care of oneself mentally is espewith similar struggles. “We also see where they are — are they cially important when dealing with the loss of a loved one, but grieving people should ready to join another program, like an art class, like a discussion class, a book club? It not forget to take care of themselves fiscally, especially if they are seniors living on a depends,” said Channan. fixed income, or if they are living on their Every client has a unique journey through grief and the timeline for everyone is differ- own for the first time. The good news is that one doesn’t have to ent, she said. It can take some four months, get every financial detail squared away some six months and others a year to get to a place where they feel ready to engage in immediately, said Kerry O’Shaunessy Montaigne, an estate lawyer with offices in Rego happy, social situations. Park and Floral Park. Channan and her staff pay close attention “The first thing I would say is to basicalto their clients as they begin to open up and Joining a bereavement group is a great way to get to a place where they can re-explore ly take a breath,” O’Shaunessy Montaigne process grieving with others who are dealing what life means to them without their said. “Don’t feel pressured to have to final- with a similar loss, said Shelly Channan of ize everything right away. It’s a difficult Commonpoint Queens’ Adult and Senior Servicspouse by their side. time.” “The ultimate goal as counselors is to es Center.
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Baby boomers need coverage post Covid-19 by Naeisha Rose Associate Editor
The senior population makes up approximately 50 million people in the United States and every day 10,000 people turn 65, according to AARP, an organization dedicated to issues surrounding seniors. As baby boomers continue to hit that milestone, more and more become eligible for Medicare, the national health plan for seniors, which has an open enrollment starting Oct. 15 and a few minor changes this year. Cognitive assessments and care plan services, biomarker tests and Covid-19 Medicare services are the new items that will be found in the health plan, according to “Medicare & You 2022,” the official U.S. government Medicare handbook. During an annual wellness exam, doctors will now look for signs of dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease and any other signs of cognitive impairment, like trouble remembering, learning new things, concentrating, managing finances or making decisions about everyday life. Individuals 50 to 85 who show no symptoms of colorectal disease or who are at average risk for developing colorectal cancer will pay nothing for a blood-based biomarker test through Medicare if their doctor or other qualified health provider accepts the assignment to run a lab test once every three years, according to the handbook. As Covid-19 continues to be a public health emergency, Medicare will cover the U.S. Food and Drug Administration-authorized tests to help see if one has developed an immune response and whether he or she poses any immediate risk of reinfection. Patients also won’t have to pay for monoclonal antibody treatments, which can help fight the disease and keep people out of the hospital if they have mild or moderate symptoms. That is subject to change once the public health emergency comes to an end.
seniors and low-income communities,” said an EmblemHealth spokesman. “Today, we proudly serve over 26,000 Queens Medicare members and encourage everyone to learn more about their eligibility at EmblemHealth.com.” EmblemHealth also has free, on-site and virtual exercise and wellness classes offered through its Neighborhood Care centers and more than 50 percent of its nearly 500,000 patients are served via its AdvantageCare Physicians medical practices, 10 of which are in Queens. Aetna will be offering Medicare Advantage plans in 2022 that feature more benefits that are more affordable and lower members’ costs throughout New York City. It has over 17,000 Queens Medicare recipients enrolled. Starting next Friday, 84 percent of Medicare-eligible benefiMedicare enrollment for seniors will open Oct. 15 and Aetna and ciaries in the U.S. will now have access to a $0 monthly premiFILE PHOTO EmblemHealth want to have you covered. um Aetna MA plan. Three out of four Aetna Individual MA plans now offer members cost-sharing for primary care visits or Medicare.gov will make changes to its website throughout the labs and all Aetna 2022 plans will cover telehealth visits for priyear to improve the online service for users. To compare plans mary care, urgent care and specialty care provided by a doctor visit medicare.gov/plan-compare. including mental health services. In addition, Aetna has expandEmblemHealth, a nonprofit plan provider, and Aetna, a CVS health company, have also made changes to their coverage ed its Medicare Eagle plan to reach 5.8 million veterans over 65. This particular plan is designed with veterans in mind to combecause of Covid-19. plement their health plans from the U.S. Department of Veterans During the height of the pandemic, EmblemHealth started the Affairs. Aetna MA plans also help seniors with access to healthy “Peace of Mind” initiative and made hundreds of calls to at-risk food, utilities benefits cards, companionship and fall prevention, or vulnerable members of the community, such as seniors via its and members can earn $150 or more by completing preventive Care-team managers, who said that the elderly were experiencscreenings and annual physicals. ing extreme issues of fear and isolation. The members of the EmblemHealth will host an expo with free health screenings new program offered them medical advice and resources as well at the James Bland Playground at 40th Road between Prince and as delivered medication to their homes. Main streets in Flushing on Oct. 9 from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. and “At EmblemHealth, one of our top priorities remains the continued care, access, and affordability of healthcare for our will have representatives who will answer more questions on Q Medicare.
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Elder abuse is more than just physical Experts say it can be financial, emotional, neglect and far more by Michael Gannon Editor
Ask experts to define elder abuse and there is no one answer; in fact, there are far too many. “There’s physical abuse — we know what that means,” said Dr. Teresa Amato, chair of emergency medicine at LIJ Forest Hills and the director of geriatric emergency medicine for Northwell Health. “That’s easy. That’s illegal. It’s against the law.” But Amato said older adults also are at high risk for other types of abuse, which can include neglect, meaning that they’re not given the things they would need to live a healthy life; or financial abuse from a family member, caregiver or stranger. “You really have to broaden your definition of it,” Amato said. “You really need to think of all the aspects of seniors’ lives in which they could be taken advantage of whether knowingly or unknowingly.” Dianne Woodburn is the senior supervising attorney in the Legal Services for Elder Justice program at JASA, a multifaceted senior services agency with service locations throughout the city and Long Island, including Rego Park, Holliswood and the Rockaways. “You can see the bruising, the lacerations, a black eye,” Woodburn said. “But maybe you see someone with broken glasses, someone who needs a cane and there isn’t a cane there. Those are the ones that are harder, the ones where you have a more difficult time identifying it.” She said her program, which pairs lawyers with social
Elder abuse isn’t limited to cuts and bruises or a pilfered bank account. Recognizing the signs can test even trained experts. workers on each abuse case, also has seen emotional, psychological and sexual abuse of their clients. “With financial abuse, you can have someone who should have enough money to pay their bills, but you see unpaid bills,” she said. “You might see ATM withdrawals from the account of a homebound senior.” Both experts said cases of elder abuse are greatly underreported. Amato said some studies have placed prevalence between one in 10 to one in five seniors.
Amato said all Northwell emergency rooms are certified for geriatric care, and that some things will immediately send up red flags for ER personnel. “One, you look at the overall wellness of the patient,” she said. “Do they look like they’re being fed? Do they look like they are clean? Are they well cared for, meaning is their hair brushed? Are their nails clean?” Amato said being disheveled isn’t necessarily a sign of abuse, but it does trigger staff to be cautious, perhaps even to the point where they would contact the appropriate state agency to do a deeper dive into the patient’s home life. She added that seniors also can have bruises because they fall or can be on blood thinners. “It’s also possible that the caregiver is elderly and just can’t take care of things,” she said. But the location of bruises can be a clue. Are there fresh bruises along with older ones that have not yet fully healed? “You have to take it all into account,” Amato said. As to underreporting, she said there can be a sense of shame or fear. “They may not even know they are being abused if there is a cognitive deficit or confusion,” she said. Woodburn said another aspect is that the abuser very often is a family member or someone else in a position of trust. “It might be an adult child or grandchild,” she said. “You hear about [professional] caregivers, because those get reported.” But she said with a child or grandchild, some continued on page 10
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Phone scams target seniors
Money card con men pick wrong victim — a retired cop by Michael Gannon Editor
He was surprised when he picked up the phone. “I got a phone call in the morning, and the voice sounded a little like my grandson. ‘Hi, Grandpa,’ he says. ‘You’ve got to help me ... I was arrested ... I’m in jail in Jersey.” He knew his grandson, from Bellerose, “is a good kid.” He knew the boy attended school in the Bronx. And Grandpa is a retired cop. If he hadn’t known what to do and questions to ask, he could have lost $1,500 over the phone to a scam that had participants in at least four states. Seemingly every NYPD precinct commander in Queens reports stories of similar calls at any meeting of his or her precinct council or community board. “When you get these calls, hang up,” Capt. Louron Hall, CO of the 104th Precinct, told residents at a meeting on Sept. 23. The grandfather, who asked that his name not be used, said the phone
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call and subsequent ones played out like a typical attempted scam of senior citizens. “So I asked ‘Are you OK?’” The voice on the phone said he had been in New Jersey to attend the funeral of a friend’s mother. He said he was arrested for reckless driving and got a broken nose and stitches in his mouth in a car accident. “A broken nose and stitches in the mouth, that would explain why he didn’t sound 100 percent like himself,” the grandfather said. But the reckless driving arrest still needed further explanation. “I asked, ‘They arrested you for that? That’s usually a ticket.’ He said, ‘There were a lot of witnesses who said I had been driving recklessly before the crash.’” On top of that, the grandson said, the woman in the other car was pregnant and suffered a miscarriage. Old habits die hard. The police officer’s instincts already had kicked in. “It seemed a little too strange ... I told him, ‘Let me talk to a cop.’”
The “officer” said he could not discuss the facts, but could give him the phone number of an attorney who was handling the defense. The grandfather, who grew up in Ozone Park and lived in South Queens until retirement, played along. “The lawyer said yes, he was in jail. ‘But the bail is low. It’s just $1,500 bail. The faster we get the money, the faster he gets released.’ I asked how do I get the money to you? He said, well, if you go to RiteAid they have these money cards ...’ I asked if they’ll sell me a $1,500 money card and he said I would have to buy three $500 cards.” From there, the scammers ask their victims to read the numbers on the back of the cards, which they can use to claim the money. It is only later that the victims find out it was not their grandchild, and that they — and their money — have been taken. “After we hung up I called my grandson,” he said. “I said ‘Where are you?’ He said ‘I’m in school.’ I told him the story and he laughed
about it. I called his mother and told her what happened. She said her mother-in-law got caught in a scam similar to that. Today I called my local paper. I decided it might be good if newspapers printed every once in a while that these things are happening, for people to be aware. I thought people should be reminded about this. The editor told me his father got caught twice in a scam like that.” “Before you send them anything, verify,” he said. “Verify it with the person who is supposedly the victim. My worry is that this is happening to a lot of elderly people. I hate to see people getting scammed. That was the one thing that really ticked me off as a cop, whether it was a pickpocket or somebody putting a gun to someone’s head and taking their money. That always bothered me.” He called the attorney general’s offices in New York, New Jersey and two other states. “They all pretty much told me Q ‘Oh, well — it happens.’”
Elder abuse continued from page 8 times the senior is afraid. “They think, ‘If they arrest my caregiver, who’s going to feed me?’” Woodburn said. “And sometimes there is love. The senior loves the abuser and the abuser loves the senior. The senior doesn’t want to see the abuser get into trouble. Sometimes the abuser has a mental or cognitive issue. There might be a substance abuse issue.” Woodburn said JASA’s pairing of social workers with attorneys on abuse cases is designed to address the entire situation. “There are things victims will tell a social worker that they won’t tell me,” she said. Sometimes the answer includes getting the abuser the help he or she might need, such as substance abuse treatment. Social workers also host group sessions where the victim is with other seniors. “We take a holistic approach,” she said. “The goal is to have adults being able to age with purpose and dignity in their commuQ nities.”
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New Power of Attorney Law A new Power of Attorney law became effective in New York on June 13, 2021. A Power of Attorney allows you to appoint another person as your agent to conduct business and fi nancial transactions on your behalf when you are unable to do so yourself. A properly drafted and executed Power of Attorney is extremely important because it will preserve your planning options in an emergency. The changes in the law are extensive, therefore, I will only highlight a few. The wording no longer needs to be “exactly” as it appears in the law but must “substantially conform” to the law. The statutory gift rider has been eliminated but there must be two witnesses. Someone else can sign the Power of Attorney at your direc tion. Financial institutions and businesses cannot refuse a Power of Attorney without reasonable cause and the law sets forth a procedure to honor or reject the document.
Delayed Implementation of New Penalty Period for Community Medicaid Starting October 1, 2020, a 30-month “lookback” penalty period was implemented for people applying for Community Medicaid which provides health care aides in the home. This means that Medicaid will “look back” at fi nancial transactions made during the 30-month period prior to the date of application and impose a penalty for any gifts or unexplained transfers made during that period. Due to the pandemic, THE 30-MONTH “LOOK BACK” PENALTY
PERIOD WILL NOT BE IMPLEMENTED UNTIL JULY 1, 2022. FEMA to Pay for Funerals for COVID-19 Related Deaths after 1/20/2020
What is Medicaid medical assistance?
Medicaid is a joint federal and state funded program, run by the state and local counties, providing medical insurance, home-care services (assisting with all activities of daily living) and nursing home medical assistance to the poor, elderly or disabled. However, individuals requiring home-care services or nursing home medical assistance, in addition to fi nancial requirements, also will need to have a medical need for these services.
Who can apply for Medicaid? Medicaid is for anyone who meets the income and resources restrictions.
What services does Medicaid provide? • Doctors • Hospitals • Prescriptions • Nursing Homes (room & board) • Home-care Services, such as home attendants, home health aides and nurses
ELDC-079602
By Donna Furey, Esq.
Understanding Medicaid: Frequently Asked Questions
What is an MLTC?
MLTC stands for Managed Long-Term Care. One example: When an applicant has been approved for Medicaid home-care services, the applicant has to choose one MLTC from several approved Medicaid plans. Upon joining an MLTC a coordinator will be assigned and this coordinator will be the point person between the applicant/recipient and the MLTC.
Changes with Community Medicaid eligibility!
Page 11 QUEENS CHRONICLE, Thursday, October 7, 2021
2021 ELDER LAW UPDATES
Beginning April 1, 2022, applicants wishing to apply for Community Medicaid in order to secure home-care services paid for by Medicaid will encounter the following issue: Until March 31, 2022, applicants can transfer any amount of resources they have to anyone or an irrevocable trust and become fi nancially eligible the very next month; however, beginning April 1, 2022 Medicaid will require two and one-half years of financial information and if there were any transfers during this period Medicaid will impose a disqualification period up to 2.5 years. The time to procrastinate is over, the window of opportunity is closing in fast. The only way to avoid this issue is to apply before the rule is enforced. Elder Care Services, Inc., offers Free consultations.
Elder Care Services, Inc.
FEMA is now accepting applications to reimburse families up to $9,000.00 for each funeral. You must call FEMA to start the application process at 844-684-6333, TTY 800-462-7585. Proof of death and payment of funeral required. FEMA website: https://www.fema.gov/disasters/coronavirus/economic/funeral-assistance/ faq#apply.
108-18 Queens Boulevard, Suite 801, Forest Hills, NY 11375
For more information please contact Jack Lippmann at 718-575-5700
www.eldercareservicesny.com
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SENIOR L IVING GUIDE • FALL 2021
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Honoring Health Care Workers
QUEENS CHRONICLE, Thursday, October 7, 2021 Page 12
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