Spotlight: Alan Polyak class of 2020

Sydnie Beausoleil

In a LinkedIn post about normalizing the celebration of success and hardships, 2020 Cornell graduateAlan Polyakasks, “Why do we seldom share our bad news?” When we talk about our lives, it’s uncommon that we give credit to our struggles. In Polyak’s post, they share their very real struggle with mental health and eating disorders during their time at Cornell and the difficulty they had finding a job. Now, Polyak is working full-time and continuing on their mental health journey with optimism. In the spirit of sharing our struggles in light of our successes, Polyak opened up to us about their coming-out experience and how the trauma they faced functioned as a struggle that led to personal growth and a realization of self.

Polyak was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York to lower-class conservative Jewish refugees from the U.S.S.R. who were not thrilled to find out their child was gay. Polyak was in middle school when they were outed to their parents by their ex-boyfriend, after they posted a sad post-break-up status on Instagram. Worried for Polyak’s safety, the ex-boyfriend alerted Polyak’s school guidance counselor that Alan may be suicidal. Upon arriving home, the Polyaks went to listen to the answering machine when a message from Alan’s counselor played. “We’re worried about your son, Alan. We hear that he’s writing suicidal notes on social media... And we think that it may be regarding the Orlando attacks, because your son is gay”, she said. This was mortifying for Polyak, who was not planning on coming out any time soon. However, when their mother asked for clarification, they saw it as an opportunity to open up and responded “Yeah, I’m gay.” For a moment Polyak thought their parents might understand. They were quickly proven wrong when their mother began to have chest pains. The pain and shock was so overwhelming that she had to be taken to the hospital. Although their mother was discharged the same night, in perfect health, the damage done to Polyak’s family situation was irrevocable.

After returning home from the hospital, Polyak was immediately kicked out of the house and left to sleep on a park bench for a week. Luckily, a gay man from the local pizzeria fed Polyak until they were able to convince their parents to let them return home on one condition: in order to stay home, they had to repress their sexuality.

While this agreement had been made, over time, it became clear that Polyak’s parents didn’t fully believe that they held true to their promise. Their mother had made sure to remind them that their grandmother, who had passed, had dreamed of them getting married to a nice Jewish girl. While Polyak is not shy of ridiculing how their parents’ dealt with their sexuality, they acknowledge all of the hard work their parents had done to get them to where they are today and are grateful for the sacrifices they made. Nonetheless, reminders such as these presented themselves as a guilt-trip for Alan’s immutable sexuality.

Despite the pain, Polyak credits this trauma early on in their life for their maturity. “The year you come out is the year you turn 13… and coming out early means understanding your identity and internalizing it at a younger age,” they said. The mistreatment they received from their parents only expedited Polyak’s independence. While there’s no question that this experience left scars that Polyak still struggles with today, they acknowledge that it was a pivotal moment in their life that reinforced growth.

After four grueling years, Polyak graduated from Cornell in 2020 with a Bachelor of Science in Biometry & Statistics and Computer Science & Machine learning, and a Masters in Operations Research and Information. They now live out and proud in the “gayest area in California’’ with a full-time job and cozy apartment. And though trauma should not be glorified or deemed necessary for success, Polyak’s story is a glimmer of hope for struggling queer youth. They’ve shown that hardship and success are not mutually exclusive. People are not just their success stories or their trauma; they are an amalgamation of all experiences, good and bad. Surrounded by an accepting LGBTQ+ community and equipped with a carefully-cultivated sense of self, Polyak has found a home in both the people around them and within themselves.