Zoe

Zoe

Blunt, Comedian, Chattermouth

“Sometimes I see other people who have settled down, and made little organic yoga babies with some investment banker named David Goldenbergstein and they have this perfect filtered Instagram life. I think, ‘Oh man, maybe I fucked it all up.’ But then I go to an art gallery, a free concert in the park or play drums with weird homeless people, and I realize it’s all good. I never wanted that other life.”

“ I have a booth that I set up with a big neon sign saying free sex advice. It starts with sex. We laugh. I embarrass myself. They embarrass themselves. I establish a relationship with people, then go deeper and figure out what’s really happening in their lives.”

“I talk to a lot ‘invisible’ people who run New York. People who arrange flowers, cab drivers, garbage guys, prostitutes, drug addicts on the street, every kind of homeless you can imagine. There’s a lot of sad people who really need someone to talk to out here. It feels really good to give light and listen to people’s varying stories.”

“Life here really, deeply reminds you that the only person you have is yourself. At the end of the day, you go to bed feeling, ‘I’m all I need.’

You get your heart broken over and over again, because you can’t rely on others. That’s what New York teaches you in the end.”

“The nature of this city offers you a rebirth, to regenerate. Every three years you have a whole new life here. New friends. New apartment. New lover. It constantly teaches you to let go, move on and reinvent yourself.”

“You have to be liquid-like in adapting to the only constant you will ever have here: Change. You also have to self-regulate your anxiety that can come from comparing yourself to others, because no matter how powerful, hot, cool and successful you are – there are always 1,000 cooler, hotter, richer people who are killing it 10x more than you.”

Q&A

“ Anyone who’s lucky enough to move here should come. It tests you. It holds up the clearest mirror you will ever see and makes you gaze directly in your own eyes. It’s the best and the worst place in the whole world.”

What neighborhood do you live in? Williamsburg.

Best thing about living there? It has the vibe of a quaint village with instant access to all New York has to offer.

Favorite neighborhood in NYC? Williamsburg.

Favorite street to stroll? Minetta St. in West Village

Why? It’s whisper quiet and full of wonderful twists and turns that make you feel like you’re no longer in Manhattan, but in a tiny hidden village.

Favorite restaurant? Famous Sammy’s Romanian Steakhouse, Lower Manhattan. This is my hands down favorite place to celebrate life and special events. It has by far the greatest entertainment in New York. Just go.

Favorite bar? Kingston Hall, East Village. Fabulous hidden Jamaican club house that serves drinks in fresh coconuts and has big leather chairs in front of a roaring fire. PERFECT winter spot.

Hidden gem? Nighthawk Cinemas, a small indie theatre in Williamsburg that has a full bar and restaurant that is served on small tables in front of your seats while you watch movies.

How to be(come) a New Yorker? You need to be able to find stillness while the world rushes around you and love using your feet as your main transportation. You need to be ready to cry, scream, laugh, dance, learn, love, grow and be challenged constantly from all sides. There is no break. There is no time to be basic. There is no time to be boring. New York forces you to live NOW and sleep when you’re dead.

Your New York soundtrack? “Ride Like the Wind” (Extended Disco Mix) by Joey Negro.

5 THINGS THAT TELL A STORY ABOUT ZOE

MAGICIAN HAT “This was given to me by my best college friend, Ben, a nervous yet brilliantly charismatic Scotsman. He gave it to me when I visited him in Edinburgh to do stand up at The Fringe Festival. The round top part of the hat can be folded flat, making it the best travel accessory. It’s brought me great luck.”

BEBOP. “I moved to New York with my lifelong partner-in-crime, Brandon. I lived with him for many moons and he gave this to me for my 27th birthday. His name is Bebop and he dances and sings when you press his tiny blue hand. He always makes me laugh and remember beautiful moments of love and friendship.”

FAMILY PORTRAIT “It’s just the most ridiculous photo. It clearly shows the 15-year age gap between my siblings and I, since I was the “best mistake” my mother ever made. I love how preppy everyone looks.”

MINI MEGAPHONE “This is how I started my comedy career. I would set up a booth in Union Square and yell at people until they sat down with me and let me interview them about their lives. I love it so, so much.”

CLAY DOLL “I love my mom the most. She has always loved Santa Fe, NM. We spent a lot of time there when I was a kid. We started collecting these tiny, handmade clay dolls and pots. Whenever I look at them I feel like my mom is in the room. I used to tell them my secrets and my troubles. They’re really good at keeping secrets.”