Some Stars Return to the Sky
Some stars (like you & I) must continue to shine brighter, here in the dark. Shine for each other. Hold the light for each other. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I see & love who you are. ★ 1
The Stars Return to the Sky Dedicated to Saint Ara Jo with love, from Rani Goel
Beautiful Ara, Why did you leave? Why now? In this time of darkness when we need every beam of light? I think I have a clue or two. And I am scared to say this, but I will anyway. Business as usual, isn’t anymore. The world as we knew it is gone. The illusions and veils we fought and danced with are embarrassingly, obviously flimsy. The closets to hide in have burned. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Security’s gone. Safety died. Are you telling me to stop looking to you and someone else to shine so brilliantly and boldly bright? David Bowie. Prince. Pete Burns. Gender-blending alchemists fiercely celebrating the divine. Breaking through the noise of duality, into the “main stream” to reconcile and return what’s yours and mine—
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In all her glittering glory In all his sacred story. In their united, undivided life force. Unlimited. Multidimensional. Not objectifying–Glorifying. Not dominating–Celebrating. Not separating–Integrating. Embodying wholeness. Devoted to boldness. The dangerous fire of death and life. Was it worth it to burn so bright? Hell yes. Alexis Arquette. Alan Rickman. Gene Wilder. Leonard Cohen. Muhammad Ali Sharon Jones. Pauline Oliveros. (just a few of the stars that shined and left) Legends, icons, heroes tell me: Don’t look up, see eye-to-eye. Don’t look out, look inside. See? See the stars? Feel the love? The ones we can’t touch. But do you understand? They never die
Do It Yourself Because no one else will
Not quite like you do
Do it yourself. Because no one else can create your reality. Do it yourself. Sometimes by yourself. But never alone. Sometimes in community, with support. With instigation and collaboration.
Do it yourself, not always following rules. Sometimes breaking laws. Do it yourself, claiming your very special voice. Do it yourself. When no one else is interested. Do it yourself. If no one else agrees. Do it yourself. If no one else is offering. Do it yourself. If nobody else is saying anything. Do it yourself. Say what needs to be said. Do it yourself. Be the ice-breaker. Do it yourself. Be the instigator. Do it yourself. Play devil’s advocate for a broader perspective. Do it yourself. Rock the boat. Do it yourself. Use your alchemical skills. Do it yourself when other systems fail you. Do it yourself. Be ostracized by cowards. Do it yourself. Be your own hero. Be the star that lights your sky.
✯
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Barrett Clark “Some people are acquaintances others are friends. Barrett fell into the second category for me. We may not have been the greatest of friends but it didn’t matter if I saw him on the street, at a show, at katabatik house dinner or in the wilderness, Barrett was a friend with a hug or a hand shake, a radiant smile and a hell of a cook. He made his career being a sonic wizard who could dial in a mixing board like nobody’s business and still had time to be one of the central pillars of the katabatik family. His loss cannot be summed up in words. I love you into eternity, if there is an afterlife, I want to rock out to your set ♥” -Sean Lee 4
Some heartfelt words From Solitaire Triz Mana-ay Miguel: “My love for dance music started with the eurobeat/trance/Diva house/freestyle/R&B radio hits of the early 90’s and synthpop of the 80’s. As a kid, the otherworldly synths and electronic beats had me moving my body and singing along. I felt joy and camp hearing these sounds made by invisible waves, metal and human energy. As a teen in the late 90’s/early 00’s, I rejected that kind of music as the people I hung out with saw that type of music to be separate from indie/goth/punk and I wanted to belong. When I got to SF State, I made a friend, Darrin Goodness, who I found out shared a similar taste in electronic music and he would introduce me to all the different categories of electronic music. I started going to underground parties/sound system parties all over the Bay Area in 2003. We would go to different venues, bars, clubs, houses, even industrial spaces like warehouses. To this day, I continue going to these underground/sound system parties. In February 2016 I went to an electronic music show in West Oakland because Xuxa Santamaria (who I first saw at Wine & Bowties’ FEELS IV) was playing. I arrived at the venue to Ghost of Lightning’s high energy and compelling set, then bounced around to a set by Introflirt, full of cleverly lit cords and tape players, filling the dark room with bright swaths of color and synthy “Croonwave” sounds. In between bands, I danced to Russell Butler’s DJ set and was so in love with each song Russell spun, I felt bold enough to strike up a conversation (which I typically don’t do with people I have that much respect and admiration for) and agreed to stay connected on social media.
I felt ecstatic to be there. After that night, I was internetically connected to Russell, and was invited to incredible shows. Introflirt even followed me on social media, which made me feel like this community was filled with extremely talented but down-to-earth individuals, no ego, just connectwith-someone-that-supported-you-at-your-show kind of attitude. It wasn’t about promoting, but about building community. With each show that came and gone because I was too busy or tired to go to, I saw a show with an incredible line up called 100% Silk with a secret location. I knew it was going to be an unforgettable show. I saw there was going to be hair by Ara Jo, a name I recognized from working with SF Zine Fest and was looking forward to meeting them because of their work with other zine/ art related events. Because of several set-backs, I never made it to the party and I never got to meet Ara Jo. I can’t imagine the pain friends and family must be going through over the loss of such a supportive, dynamic and spirited person. The pain all those affected by the fire who are still alive must be going through in losing someone special. So many organizers/connectors were lost in the fire, it seems unfathomable to move forward to an uncertain, less-than, broken future.
Though these loved ones were physically lost to a destructive fire, they all possessed a creative fire, powerful enough to organize communities of outsider/marginalized/ unconventional folx and send ripple effects to the larger community, a cleansing fire, powerful enough to have folx feel so protected, when they didn’t feel safe in other spaces, that they came to a place where they could leave all the garbage in their life behind, where they felt joy, where they felt they belonged. I know I felt that way in those spaces and feel 5 that way and always will.”
HERE’S THE TRUTH ABOUT THE OAKLAND WAREHOUSE FIRE (Ghost Ship) By Rain Dove (quoted with permission) “The reason that the warehouse fire situation happened was due to severe negligence by the owner, further support by the community because we (and I mean ME TOO) saw/heard the issues and didn’t take to action to halt activities and events, and also due to poor housing and artist opportunities in the city. As someone who has been homeless, I’ve slept in these types of spaces quite often. In fact when I made some money in modeling I even created one of these artist warehouse loft spaces (drug free). Because of rising costs in rent that don’t match minimum wage opportunities and poor funding for artists without city support for their shelter- these warehouse spaces are NEEDED. We NEED them. Or we need to find a housing and performance space solution for low income artists and youth that’s immediate and doesn’t turn artists into indentured servants having to work a corporate job instead of create. People have their ideas about the humans that enjoy free spaces, women’s circles, recreational drugs, raves, even just meditation and communal living. However, these humans that are a partaker in these things ARE HUMANS. They create beautiful art that you see everyday, they bring peace to many broken hearts and minds, and they come together in the streets often to protect your civil liberties. They are a part of our community. Artists, friends, fellow free minded humans- not all government policy is out to oppress you. Not all of it is evil. The fire codes and safety inspections by the city- those were NECESSARY. Please- don’t let anti establishment thinking get in the way of basic health and safety. And to the cities! If safety is TRULY a number one priority for you then you need to make inspections stricter and permits CHEAPER. Make it affordable for people to actually have safety protocol followed instead of ripping them off. Just keep tight regulations on safety via the inspections. Most people don’t have inspectors in their space- including this warehouse- because they are afraid of the heavy cost. So make safety checks and protocol requirements FREE OR CHEAP. Please. Lastly- this is not a time to trash “liberal artists” for their free way of creating art. And it’s not the time to push away “conservative thinkers” for their analysis of the situation. This is the time to come together and find solutions, mourn, and be honest with each other in a kind way motivated towards making a safer world. As a former firefighter I know from revisiting Colorado’s mountains where I had seen fire roar through and char the land until it seemed uninhabitable- that after time the soil actually becomes richer due to the coals and the ashes. Lush plants, sturdy trees and dense wildlife flourishes at a surprisingly quick recover rate and something new grows. With time, I know we can grow something incredible out of this horrible tragedy. My friend Ara Jo passed away in the Oakland Warehouse fire. A lot of people know I had been searching for her frantically via social media and through networks of friends. When Ara was confirmed passed my friends said “I’m sorry Rain.” But you know what? NO. I’M SORRY. I’m sorry because you may have never gotten to fully experience or see this incredible human and their existence. I’m so sorry.” 6
Safety first?Pleasure last? Creation first, safety last? DIY dreams and nightmares. It looked like a sweet dream, but now feels like a nightmare. The way we put things together. Defying laws and codes. Enforcing laws at the expense of soulful creation. How do we reconcile these forces that seem so at odds with each other? When people tell me “be safe” when I go out on an adventure, I feel the resentment of that. I don’t care so much about safety. Rules feel oppressive and limiting. Is it worth it to live full out, ignoring precautions and slight, but unlikely, risks? Is it worth it to never take the product out of the package? To never hold and love and know another so deeply, because we might leave marks? To never wear those brand new shoes because they might get dirty? To never say those words that could make you fall in love with or cause you to despise me? This place isn’t safe. As much as we try. We will be scarred for life. We are alchemist. This is our game. Do you understand? Pain and pleasure is the point. Self and other to reconcile– is the puzzle that likely won’t be solved by anyone but you, for you. It almost makes sense. But it doesn’t. But we keep at it. Survival. Self-honor. Soul-retrieval. The risks we take for our heart’s desire. No blame or shame in a perfect world. But this one isn’t perfect. Was it ever? Will it ever be? What does safety and freedom-creation look like? Show me. What does vulnerability and leadership look like? Show me. What does pleasure and responsibility look like? Show me. Let us weave creation beautifully, May we create, peacefully. May we support, encourage, and look out for each other. May we continue to thrive and improvise in pleasure and in safety. With love, from Rani.
Contributors: ✯Andrew Goldfarb (cover image) ✯Rani Goel ✯Sean Lee ✯ Solitaire Triz Mana-ay Miguel ✯Rain Dove For information about creating safer DIY spaces please see: bit.ly/SaferDIY
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Life is a dangerous thing. It kills you if you do. It kills you if you don’t. These moments we get, on earth, to say what needs to be said. To do what needs to be done. To join and separate. Weave and collaborate. All of us in our own way, being what we are, uniquely. Some of us fly under the radar, some of try, but cannot. Some of us haven’t a clue what’s going on. Some of us pretend. And when it’s quiet enough to hear, some of us know. When it’s dark enough, cold enough, painful enough, some of us know. On earth, we get to see the dragons and demons-up close and in person. How courageous is that? On earth, we get to love, create, play, and experience the illusion of other. On earth I get to know you, love you, get changed by you, get hurt by you, hurt you, forgive you, try to forget you, hate you, convert you, and realize I am you. On earth, I get to dance with you, until the dance is over. Return to wholeness—isn’t that lonely? Return to peace—isn’t that boring? Why would you stop this drama of living? Do we really want a placid paradise? Some of us came to re-pair. Some of us came to real-ize love. Some of us came to be the light that was missing. It’s magick. It’s a miracle that we got to be. We get to feel all the feels. The pleasure, the pain and the electrifying mix of both. We’re here to create a kind of paradise And as we do, we pay the price. It’s worth it. Keep playing. With all your beautiful heart. With love, from Rani ✯ @ranivision 8