12. Dads Leaving Their Mark

Your legacy

We all have hopes about the parent we want to be. Many Dads talk about how their plans for being a parent were very different to how life actually turned out. Maybe you’re doing great, doing ok or struggling with your parenting. We all have ways we can improve and our children’s wellbeing is a great reason to be the best we can be. Taking a learning approach to life helps us to get past being defensive. It is never too late to change if you are open to trying.

So, if your child was to write how they see you as a parent, what would they write? Is their reality of you what you would have hoped?

The legacy you leave as a Dad all depends on the Dad you are being right now. Your thoughts and actions are your responsibility and in your control. There are lots of things that can get in the way of being the Dad that you want to be and that your children need. Your partner, children, family and friends may have ideas about things they have noticed that may need addressing. Being open and listening will often help you to create positive change.

Quality time spent with children matters, so managing the competing demands of work and life is important. There is often time in our day that can be used more efficiently, to make time to meet your own needs and those of your children.

There are many transition points in parenting including baby years, childhood, teenage years and leaving home to name a few. They all will demand different skills and time from you. Your willingness to notice and adapt can make a big difference. For example, children leaving home can bring a sense of loss but equally opportunities arise. Although you will always be a parent, the ‘doing’ of parenting may change to a more supportive role. Embracing change and adopting new ways to connect can enrich relationships.

Fact

We may often think we can’t change – “This is who I am!” We now know that the brain is ‘plastic’ – it can change. Our identity and the way we think and act are like habits that we reinforce. Coming from an “I was born this way” approach means that we are stuck with ourselves the way we are – both the parts we like and don’t like. Focusing on different ways to think and act brings new habits, ones you and your child may prefer.

Dad reflection and check-up

1. Stacking up. Are you being the Dad you want to be?

2. Press pause. Are you prepared to pause, reflect on life and take charge of who you are as a parent?

3. Good influences. How can you be open to take influence from others around you, without taking offence?

4. Cheer squad. Who can you seek out to support you with the changes you want to make?

5. Breaking free. Are there things holding you back that you have struggled to get past? Are you willing to be brave and seek some professional help? Counselling support is confidential and non-judgemental.

More information

Fatherhood | www.fatherhood.gov/for-dads

Help with reflecting on identity, masculinity and fatherhood.

Raising Children | www.raisingchildren.net.au

A website that covers parenting through the years and beyond.

Empty Nest | www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/empty-nest-syndrome General information on a number of subjects.