Shower

WHO SHOULD HOST? WHO TO INVITE? ARE MEN ALLOWED?

Baby showers and baby-welcoming ceremonies are filled with joy -- and fraught with expectations. To ensure a good time will be had by all, here are some guidelines for hosts, guests, and parents-to-be.

Baby showers are a relatively recent phenomenon -- they became common only after World War II, during the baby boom of the 1940s and ‘50s. Still, they’ve developed their own traditions and etiquette.

WHO SHOULD HOST A BABY SHOWER?

Tradition states that a shower should not be hosted by a close family member of the parents-to-be, but instead by a friend or more distant relative, such as a cousin or an aunt. This rule was meant to avoid the appearance that the family was simply on a mission to collect gifts. However, like many traditions, this rule isn’t strictly observed these days. In fact, it’s usually considered perfectly acceptable for a sister, motherin-law, or even the guest of honor’s mother to host or co-host a shower. It’s still unusual for a mother-to-be to host her own shower, though.

WHO SHOULD BE INVITED?

Close friends are a natural for the guest list, as are family members. Beyond that, when you’re thinking of adding someone to the list, consider whether it would be appropriate to ask that person to buy a gift for the guest of honor, since that’s what’s expected of a shower guest. You should certainly consult with the guest of honor on the list and let her invite whomever she wants (keeping in mind any limitations on space, of course).

WHAT ABOUT THE DAD-TO-BEAND MALE GUESTS?

It’s becoming more and more common to include men -- friends, spouses, relatives -- on the guest list. But it does change the chemistry of the party. You need to decide whether you want that traditional “female-bonding ritual,” with lots of oohing and aahing over adorable baby clothes and exchanging of labor tales, or whether you’re looking for a more coed experience. Also, consider the personality of the dadto-be; some may relish sharing in every aspect of the pregnancy, while others may be uncomfortable with the idea of being a guest of honor at a baby shower. The mom-to-be should be able to give you a good reading on this. Even at a “girl power” party, the expectant dad often makes an appearance toward the end of the shower to thank everyone for the gifts. And if you opt to include male guests, take a look at some of our coed-friendly shower ideas.

SECOND BABY SHOWER? WHEN TO SHOWER? THEME NEEDED?

Can a shower be given to celebrate a second baby -- or one even further down in the birth order?

Every pregnancy deserves to be toasted and cheered. But, since the true purpose of a baby shower is to help new parents acquire the gear and supplies they’ll need, it’s probably not necessary to give a traditional baby shower for parents who have a basement full of baby clothes and equipment. Instead, consider throwing a shower designed to make their lives easier when they’ve got a newborn and another child or two to juggle: a “stock the freezer” shower, for example, or a “Mum and Dad” shower, with gifts like their favorite movies on video or DVD or promises for baby-sitting services.

WHEN SHOULD THE SHOWER BE HELD?

Showers are typically given four to six weeks before the baby’s due date -- late enough so that the pregnancy is well along, but early enough so that the baby is unlikely to arrive before the party day does. Sometimes, for religious, cultural or other reasons, parents-to-be prefer not to receive gifts until after the baby is born (in certain traditions, it’s considered bad luck to acquire baby items beforehand). In that case, you could begin some preliminary planning, but wait until after the baby is born to set a shower date. For parents adopting a child, you might set a date once the child has arrived in their home.

DOES IT NEED TO HAVE A THEME, AND MUST THERE BE GAMES PLAYED?

No. The hosts should take their cues from the style and tastes of the expectant parent. There’s no rule stating that games must be played, or that the color scheme must be pastel. The shower should be designed for the delight the guest of honor. (On the other hand, the guest of honor should maintain a sense of graciousness and good humor if she finds herself at the center of a party that’s not precisely her style).

ARE INVITEES WHO CAN’T ATTEND THE SHOWER OBLIGED TO GIVE GIFTS?

No. If they wish, they may send a package to the home of the host, who can have it on hand to be opened at the shower. But they certainly aren’t obliged to do so -- a shower invitation is an invitation to a party, not a demand for a gift. It would be perfectly fine for the invitee who can’t make the party to wait until the baby is born, and then send a gift.

BABY SHOWER GIFTS of the Best 3

Purer Mama

Price: £35.00 www.purermama.co.uk

Boo

BUMBLES AND

GIFT HAMPERS

Price: £22.50 www.bumblesandboo.com

Matchstick Monkey

Price: £18.00 www.boots.com