TRADITIONAL CEREMONIES:

RAZZ writer Annabel Jeffery shares her opinons on how we can think about traditional ceremonies in new ways.

I unashamedly love a good wedding: the flowers, the speeches, the dancing, and there’s nothing quite like seeing your wine-drunk Great Aunt Margaret hit the dancefloor as soon as ABBA’s Dancing Queen comes on. It is clear, however, that traditional ceremonies such as these are becoming outdated; many more people today choose to get married outside of the conventional church ceremony, or in the case of homosexual couples, aren’t able to get married in the church in the first place. Moreover, many recognise marriage as too conventionalised and unnecessary, instead choosing not to marry.

‘I unashamedly love a good wedding: the flowers, the speeches, the dancing, and there’s nothing quite like seeing your wine-drunk Great Aunt Margaret hit the dancefloor as soon as ABBA’s Dancing Queen comes on.’

The ways in which people commemorate the life of a loved one are changing too; wearing black and handing out lilies are no longer rites of passage at funerals. Of course, people can choose whatever works for them, and there is no right or wrong option. Nevertheless, it can be interesting to look at the ways that people can honour their love, whether it is for themselves or a loved one, in revamping certain traditions within these typical structures.

Gone are the days where women were subordinate to men in wedding ceremonies; whilst many still wear white, it can also be fun to wear other more vibrant colours now the colour no longer hold the same symbolism. For example, I’m thinking of Rachel McAdams’ stunning red dress as she walks herself down the aisle in the rom-com About Time. These small touches, such as wearing a favourite colour or holding your favourite flowers make the day all the more special.

Speaking of being led down the aisle, who says that it has to be a father figure, or anyone at all, ‘giving you away’; at the end of the day, it is an individual choice! Walking in with another close family member, best friend or making an entrance as a couple once again makes the ceremony feel more personalised.

‘These small touches, such as wearing a favourite colour or holding your favourite flowers make the day all the more special.’

Tweaking traditions to align them with a specific story or values make for the best and most memorable occasions Choosing a favourite song to walk down the aisle to, writing your own vows or choosing an alternative guest book (I’ve seen couples ask their guests to sign a guitar as opposed to the traditional book!) let those invited to share the day in on a small part of your life as a couple.

Wedding traditions are also very unique to each culture. In India, the bride will have a ‘mehndi party’ where the group will have intricate mehndi designs applied onto their hands and feet so as to relax them before the wedding ceremony. An added bonus, Indian tradition says after mendhi has been applied, no housework should be completed so long as the stain lasts - a good excuse for your significant other to pick up any of your chores! Perhaps my favourite is a tradition from Cuba: each person who dances with the bride (typically each male, but this can be changed to everyone!) will have to pin cash to her dress. This money is then given to the couple to go towards the ceremony or a honeymoon. There are many wedding traditions around the world that all have deep meaning and we can appreciate these traditions and be inspired by the different ways people celebrate when it comes to planning our own ceremonies.

‘There are many wedding traditions around the world that all have deep meaning and we can appreciate these traditions.’

Funerals are no less a display of love than a wedding, and I think society too often forgets this. In fact, the love shared at both weddings and funerals can often be outshined by practical elements such as what people wear and the order in which the day runs. Of the funerals that I’ve been to, I’ve found the day to be all the more difficult knowing that it is just one day; it seems that after everyone is just expected to wear black, have a laugh and a cry and ‘move on’ as it were. This is not to say that the day itself is unimportant, but perhaps also having a day each year (perhaps the deceased loved one’s birthday) that everyone comes together to share memories and reconnect is a way to keep a loved one’s spirit alive. Watching their favourite film, visiting their favourite places, or eating their favourite foods are small, more joyous ways to commemorate a loved one each year.

‘Funerals are no less a display of love than a wedding, and I think society too often forgets this.’

It goes without saying that wearing black is no longer always necessary; wearing clothing item or accessory of your loved one. is a nice tribute too. My mum owned a lot of jewellery, and after her funeral my dad chose to hand out pictures alongside pieces of jewellery to her friends.

For example, in one of her favourite pictures with her best friend she was wearing a heart necklace, which we the gave to this friend. Equally perhaps handing out some of their favourite books or pressed flowers to close friends and family is a lovely memento for people to use to reflect for many more years to come.

Flowers are hard at funerals: so many people bring them yet they only last for a very short time. Pressing them into a locket or notebook can help to remember the love that so many people had for your loved one. People are getting more creative with the ways they use their loved one’s ashes too; in South Korea for example, there is limited space for burials , and it is common practice for families to press the ashes into colourful beads which they then display in a bottle or urn.

‘Flowers are hard at funerals: so many people bring them yet they only last for a very short time. Pressing them into a locket or notebook can help to remember the love that so many people had for your loved one.’

Altogether, what I see as integral to remember about these ceremonies is that they’re only a day, and whilst they’re none the less special because of this, what matters is the going forward. There is so much pressure to make them ‘perfect’ as it were, when in reality it’s the small personalisations, imperfections or even mis-haps throwing every one unaware that make each day unique and one to remember.