AM I AN INTROVERT?

RAZZ writer Swarnim Agrawal shares their take on ‘introversion’, drawing upon personal experiences and offering advice on how to find your vibrancy as an introvert.

Introverts. Extroverts. Ambiverts.

There are so many labels flying all around us...

Before moving to this new country, I decided to explore, experiment, evolve. I wanted to become more aware of myself as accepting yourself can be the path to self-confidence. Good company has the potential to bring out the extrovert in me and yet I find myself hesitant to sign up for socials and hang out with new people. There are days when my brain surprises me and declares, ‘Today is the day!’ Call it an adrenaline rush or just a wish from a fairy godmother, but I find my legs can cover fifteen kilometres in a day, my laughter seems perennial, the crowd around me turns into a party. But when the clock strikes midnight…whoosh! The spell vanishes.

‘‘There are days when my brain surprises me and declares, ‘Today is the day!’’

What do I do now? Social media floods us with snippets from an introvert’s ‘lonely’ life to the extent that the boundary between reality and virtual reality becomes blurred. These self-proclaimed introversion experts confine a person to a ‘sad and lonely’ pigeonhole, even going as far as suggesting introverts are more likely to have a psychological disorder. Which century are you living in? Just because introverts don’t go out as much or have a hoard of friends doesn’t mean they don’t have a life - you can be happy while being alone.

‘‘That’s what introverts do isn’t it? We travel with fewer acquaintances, and we build a life that brings us joy.’’

That’s what introverts do, isn’t it? We travel with fewer acquaintances, and we build a life that brings us joy. Social interaction is key to experience and learning, but so is the adequate allocation of your resources, your time and energy. Sometimes my work takes up most of my energy while others related to me bear the brunt, other times I have those rare days when I decide to leave my work for a little bit. It is all about investing your funds wisely. Instead of having ten friends maybe you can have one relationship of significance that holds substance.

An important relationship doesn’t necessarily mean a romantic one – it can be your mother, father, sibling, friend, whoever you enjoy spending time with. Maybe instead of partying every night, you can try snuggling up in your bed and watching a movie. Perhaps some introverts are actually less lonely and less sad if they have learnt that they don’t have to depend on others for their happiness.

I go for morning walks (yes, even in this unpredictable weather!) and, while most of the elements of my daily existence have seen a major shift, the silence of the mornings has always travelled with me across borders. That’s where my introversion finds an avenue to just pause, introspect and gear up for the day ahead, especially when I find myself walking in the twilight towards a brick-and-mortar building housing thousands of tomes – my old and faithful friends.

Bookworms. Nerds. Geeks.

More labels that surround us introverts. What is this tendency to put a name to everything? Labels are fine by themselves but not when they become the pathway to stereotypes. If I search for these labels on Google (the temple of ancient wisdom) then I find articles such as ‘10 Ways to Impress a Bookworm’, ‘Why a nerd is totally anti-social’, or ‘Why Extroverts and Introverts can’t be friends’. Does that mean there are only two ways out – hate us or date us? Why is it so impossible to interact with us as well as giving us the space we need? You can use your energy however you would like but you must also let others do the same.

There are times when I get irked by my introvert-ambivert self and how this can make me experience loneliness, but it is more about getting in touch with who I am and recognising ways to thrive, not just survive. It can be a sad and lonely alley sometimes but there is the clichéd light at the end of the tunnel, that turn in the road where you can find both yourself and true companionship.

I manipulate myself into thinking that everyone else is having a good time just because they are ‘extroverts’ but I wonder why I play this ‘self’ and ‘other’ game even though I question labels. I find myself questioning why I feel I must be an ‘extrovert’ to be having fun. What keeps me going is my journey towards self-acceptance.

‘‘It can be a sad and lonely alley sometimes but there is the clichéd light at the end of the tunnel, that turn in the road where you can find both yourself and true companionship.’’

So do as you like - flaunt your labels or just let them go.