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Suffering from an abusive relationship? Find help at Westcoast Family Centres
by Julia Di Schiavi
Kristy knew that she had to get out of her unhealthy marriage.
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During an eye-opening visit with a counsellor, Kristy soon realized that her relationship with her wife had reached a breaking point. As she went through a list of toxic and unhealthy patterns with her counsellor, the discovery that she was in an abusive relationship felt like an utter shock. To her surprise, many of the red flags that she was experiencing were patterns of emotional and psychological abuse.
Her marriage wasn’t always this way. At the start, Kristy’s relationship had a tolerable beginning and the moments she shared with her wife were not out of the ordinary.
As time went on, her relationship began to feel like a rollercoaster.
The first escalation began with criticism. Kristy’s wife would put her interests down and criticize her for spending money on the simplest things that brought her joy. Later, Kristy found herself being monitored for all her spending and even restricted from seeing her friends and family. At times, when Kristy would voice concern for her partner’s notable changes in behaviour, her reality would be manipulated through her partner’s defensiveness and denial of their actions. As a result, Kristy began to question her own sanity – a common expe- rience in conflictual relationships called gaslighting.
Kristy’s relationship with her partner made it hard to hold onto truth. As the relationship continued, she found herself stuck in a cycle of abusive patterns, keeping her anxiety at an all-time high that continued long after their child was born.
Although she was never physically abused, the emotional and heartwrenching pain she endured made it much harder for Kristy to comprehend the psychological damage her relationship was causing. At one point, being yelled at in public led Kristy to feel smaller than ever, fueling feelings of sadness, shame and even defeat. Yet, it was also the catalyst that helped her make the decision to leave.
