Emotion Inflation by John O’Neill

John O’Neill

Cards for every situation

Great Expectations and Unexpected Surprises

John O’Neill

I realise that I have to buy a greetings card and compose a thoughtful reflective message to a friend, rather than the usual rushed email. In the shop I am struck yet again by how many occasions in modern life now seem to demand a special card from the ever-expanding range. It feels as if there is a steady inflation going on, so that we are constantly expecting more. There are no low-key events. Every occasion requires cards, presents, wrapping paper and often a video record on the day. Just as in our domestic life, so likewise in the media – what is quite unimportant can be given great significance and conversely quite fundamental matters go unmentioned. Our scale of judgement is daily being challenged if we let ourselves be fed by the media; and it's hard not to.

Keeping things low-key actually reduces distractions and creates space for the fundamentals. Leaving my job recently wasn’t the high stress event that psychologists warn us about. In fact, it was quite a relief with no separation anxiety at all. The colleagues who had become friends would still be in touch, and that larger number of simply pleasant co-workers is by now having the same conversations with my replacement, the group having smoothly adjusted itself. Having said that I didn’t want a big send-off, on the day I looked duly surprised at the gift (although I had of course seen the brown envelope circulating for contributions with lots of whispering), then we stood around with glass in hand for a while – the men all with drink in right hand, left hand in pocket, wearing attentive non-confrontational smiles. By the way, this mirroring of body language is definitely a man thing – you know when you get in the lift and enter the frozen tableau, shuffling in to take your place in the circle, eyes down, hands meekly joined. I thanked people for their thoughtful comments on the leaving card, a tasteful landscape rather than a chorus of tearful rabbits and badgers saying ‘Sorry you’re going’. All very restrained and minimal.

To avoid our expectations being regularly pumped up, I would like to see a new range of glossy cards for the understated approach – ’So you got First Class Honours, well, that’s nice’. And for your engagement, not some starry romantic scene but a couple at the mall choosing a washing machine or whatever – daily reality. By refusing to go over the top on every single event, we safely deflate expectations, so that no-one feels disappointed. Mind you, next time a friend is unwell, I would not send them a card saying ’Get 95 % Well Soon’.

Anyway, this constant looking ahead means we’re not living actually in the present moment, which disregards the advice of St Teresa of Calcutta and Archbishop Fulton Sheen among many others. There is of course a natural rhythm to life’s events. Fulton Sheen stated there are only two philosophies of life – the wise one, which is prepared to have a fast before a feast and the worldly one, which promises an easy feast but does not mention the hangover. As we realise that ultimately it’s a case of ‘no roots, no fruits’, we choose to avoid a daily diet of the synthetic.

In fact there is a richness in the everyday which demonstrates a wonderful unpredictability. As an example, consider that social statement, the logo T shirt. Let’s say you’re at a party wearing your Save the Panda and someone arrives with a similar message about the Bengal Tiger. What to do ? Politely not mention it ? Or plunge in with: ‘So how long have you been into conservation?’ Of course the worst scenario of all is that they, too, are wearing Save the Panda. So you stand there by the bread and cheese, tacitly avoiding the subject. It’s all fine until some mutual friend bounces up and loudly cries: ‘Well, no prizes for guessing what you two are talking about’.

There is a playful spontaneity at work in creation. Any dog owner who has been out walking their beagle, for example, can testify to the canine sense of wonder when you encounter an identical beagle on its rounds. I’m sure God has a sense of humour. In fact on a recent Saturday following a ‘sun and showers’ afternoon, the 6pm mass congregation was delayed from going forth by a perfectly-timed torrential deluge. After some minutes of communal gazing out from the Cathedral porch, the rain stopped almost instantaneously, and within minutes bright sun shone through. As a brilliant rainbow arced over Victoria Street and the Cathedral, I thought that unexpected but very real events are there for the seeing every day which, if we are prepared to turn aside from our original path, may even turn out to be a sort of burning bush for us.