The Magazine to Empower and Enrich Today’s Urban Woman
Summer 2011
I love our name: Reach UP. One of the many things this name says to me is that everyone can be a Reach UP person, no matter how old they are. If we make a habit of reaching up when we’re down, God will meet us and wrap us in His love. If we make a habit of reaching up in our thoughts and plans for our future, we are sure to grab hold of good things because God will not direct us to anything bad for us. If we make a habit of reaching up when we have confusing situations in our personal lives, God will give us right counsel because it’s impossible for Him to deceive. If we make a habit of reaching up and giving Him our sorrows, He will heal our hearts, our emotions, and our minds. Sadly, so many women have gone through experiences similar to those of Amanda Small, our feature writer. Statistics tell us that one in three women has been molested. However, statistics cannot tell us of the pain, the fear, and the scars that this leaves in a young child. Amanda tells us. My guess is, you can probably tell us as well. So why did I begin this talking about Reach UP? Because the best hope and help I can offer is summed up in the phrase, “Reach up.” I HATE the pain you have felt. I HATE how it damaged you. And if I hate it, how much more does God hate the sin that was done against you? And only God can do a thorough work of restoring you. Reach up to Him. Seek Godly counsel and prayer. Don’t believe the lies that tell you you’re not worth it and nothing can help. You are precious in His sight. You are a woman of value and worth. Reach up. He’s reaching out to you … even through a simple magazine called Reach UP.
Crystal Wacker
How blessed is the man you train, God, the woman you in instruct in your Word, providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil. God will never walk away from his people, never desert Editor-in-Chief his precious people. Rest assured that justice is on its way and every good heart put right. Psalm 94:12-15 the message
Contents
Editor-in-Chief ............................. Crystal Wacker Writing Editor .......................... Christina Williams French Translation .................. Sophia Couchane Spanish Translation ....................... Jodi-Kay Ellis Spanish Editor .......................... Mona Ré Shields Reach UP .............................................. Page 1 Contributing Authors ................... Dorsee Savage Abused, but not Broken Forever ............ Page 2 Amanda Small Jeanette Rivera Joselyn Ward Graphic Artist ............................. . Robert Gibson Preparing Your Daughter for Womanhood ..... Page 4 Photos ........................................ Jeanette Rivera We Win .......................................................... Page 6 Andrew Reyes Decorating on a Dime ................................... Page 7 Jamie Ward
Table of
Faith
Lifestyle
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by Amanda Salas-Small It was a beautiful, summer day. She was so excited about this new bike her cousin brought over. He told her he’d teach her how to ride it. So the two of them made their way to the parking lot in back of the house. As she watched her cousin ride the bike, she waited in anticipation for her turn.
was around. I wanted my dad to help me but he couldn’t because he didn’t know it was happening. I wanted to tell, but I was sworn to secrecy. So a secret it remained for about seven years.
years went on, I waited and waited for the “gay” to kick in, all because of what this man had said to me. It never did.
When I hit my college years I looked for a way out in My growing-up years with filled with relationships. I went from hiding many questions. I was angry, hurt, my body to now wanting my body full of rage; I was broken. to be seen. I was exposed to sex But when she asked him, “Is it my at such a young age that it messed turn now?” he looked at her with a I grew up in a Christian home. I felt up my view of sex once I became slight grin and said, “Yea. But over love from my parents (who have an adult. I had this continuous here.” He led her to a dark corner in now been married for 37 years). I struggle within myself, so I looked the back of an old building. knew who God was. I heard about for an outlet in all the wrong places. the miracles Jesus did. I had even I searched in relationships. I tried to She timidly asked, “Why are we seen miracles happen with my own find it in drugs and alcohol. Nothing over here? I want to ride the eyes. But deep down I was empty. I did relieved this pain. Somehow, I bike.” She looked around at her learned to tuck away the memories surroundings and slowly realized of what had been said and done to that the sun was no longer shining me. as bright where she now stood. He slowly made his way over to where The day came when I reached she stood and pulled down her the lowest point in my life. I had pants. The little girl asked, “What nowhere to go, no one to run to, are you doing?” but God. And so I did. On April 18, 1999, I handed everything I had, He responded, “If you let me, I’ll let everything I was -- all my pain, hurt, you ride the bike.” fear, dreams, and desires -- to God. That is the day I experienced my I was five years old the first time freedom. I was sexually molested. It’s a memory that is as vivid as if it I became a tomboy, getting involved See, the day I was molested for the happened yesterday. In that very in every sport possible. My mom first time was the beginning of an moment, so many things were had to beat me into a dress. I wore attempt to break me. But God had stolen from me. I walked away that big, baggy clothes to hide my body a purpose and a plan for my life. In day confused. I couldn’t understand so no one would notice me. My Jeremiah 29:11 it says, “For I know what had happened. friend’s father always commented the plans I have for you,” says the about the way I dressed, and Lord. “They are plans for good and The abuse continued for several one day he told me I was going not for disaster, to give you a future years. I became afraid of what to be gay. At the time I didn’t fully and a hope.” he would do to me whenever he understand what that meant. As Reach UP 2
One thing I’ve learned throughout the years is that we all have a story. It’s what we do with that story that sets us apart. I could’ve easily allowed my past to justify a washed-up lifestyle. I could’ve blamed God for every pain and hurt I felt because of what had happened. When I told God to take everything that I am and remake me, I was handing over my past and future. We sing a song, “I Give Myself Away” by William McDowell, that says “I give myself away so you can use me.” That’s exactly what I did. When I made that decision to follow Christ, little did I know that He would use my story to reach others. I made a promise to God that I was willing to share my story with others even if it still hurt me, as long as it brought healing to other young women.
I believe in God’s healing power, I believe in His love and grace on our lives. I’m a living testimony of what it means to overcome. I’ve traveled the world with my music group, Rhema Soul, sharing the message of Christ. I’ve been able
to talk to young women and share my story to let them know that our past does not define who we can become as a person. Now I’ve been happily married for seven years. I’m learning what it means to be a praying wife
Lyrics from the song
FLY AWAY
- Rhema Soul
“It was a sunny day, riding on my bike like kids play He’s nearly twice my age, took a liking to my frame And now he took away pieces of my youthful days And introduced me to a stage I shouldn’t know about at that age How do you explain living life with fits of rage? He told me I’d be gay and now my heart is full of hate I wanted to escape like a wing upon a plane Fly away to a place where I’d feel no more pain I’m fading away because I know it don’t exist So I look to exit in his smile he looks so brave He knows what to say; like a potter I’m his clay He’s molding me away into this image I portray But it’s all so fake, because inside I’m cold and pained His words have left a curse and now I’m living with this shame But what can I say? But Freedom came my way And like an eagle now I’m soaring flying high above the waves.” 3 Reach UP
who will “stand in the gap” for her husband. Recently, I became a mother of a beautiful little girl named Zoe. There has been nothing more important to me than raising her. I’m learning what it is to be a mother on her knees. As a leader to this generation, I’m learning that a person’s story is the most powerful testimony of who God is. If you are reading this, I want to encourage you. I want to tell you that there is hope beyond your circumstance. There is healing beyond your pain. Freedom begins when you allow God to begin the healing process in your life. When we hold onto the pain and suffering, we give those people who tried to damage us too much power over our lives. Give God that power.
by Joselyn Ward
Talk about it -- sooner rather than later: • Explain that this is what the Lord intended when He created women, and that God is preparing a woman’s body for growth and the special ability to have children. Explain to her that with this blessing and ability comes the challenge of taking care of her body and treating it with respect. It’s a great responsibility because it is a gift.
She is a beautiful, smart, and confident girl, but extremely shy. She spends most of her time reading, and she is very curious about almost everything. She asks a lot of questions, but if you don’t know the answer, that’s ok because she’ll just research it. She likes to be a part of the group, but she also likes to be private. She is very proper and likes to mind her manners. She is quite the little lady.
• Explain the body parts and the process that occurs during menstruation. Explain what she will feel and see. Implement a hygiene routine. Also take the time to explain that no one is allowed to see or touch; it is truly her private spot. Additionally, if she is hurt in any way, explain the importance of telling and being honest.
I could tell her time was coming. She was eating, sleeping, and growing a lot -- and all over! Unfortunately I was not with her when she got “it.” (She was at her first day of camp.) But when she got it, I was so happy to hear that she took everything well. She told me she cried, but not because she was scared. Hers were tears of joy -accepting the change of becoming a young lady. Although part of me was sad to see her enter this stage, I was also pleasantly surprised to see her take it so well, even better than I did. She was very brave. I often hear horror stories of girls screaming, shrieking in fear at the sight of change. They are not prepared; some of them don’t even know what it is, much less what is going on with their bodies. When I had my girls, I wanted to minimize the trauma and find a way to actually celebrate the occasion -- Yes, Celebrate! Here’s how:
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Be an Encouragement: Explain the body parts and the process. If you present this change in a positive way, chances are she will accept it as positive too. Tell her you are excited about the change, and she should look forward to it as growth and a new phase in her life.
Be an Example: Take her into the bathroom with you. I know that sounds a bit weird, but if she sees what to expect and especially how you handle yourself, she will understand it better and learn to not fear it. Of course, take some precaution when you do this. Take the time again to explain the process of what the body does and give hygiene tips, such as how to clean, which pads to use, and how to use th Also watch what you say and how you act during your cycles. I realize that for some, menstruating is uncomfortable and may include cramping. However, try to keep it together and not say things like, “I hate this. I can’t stand this. This hurts so much.” Your little lady is watching and listening, and you don’t want to scare her when it’s her turn.
Make It Special Celebrate with a Ladies Night Out. I saved the piercing of my daughter’s ears for this day. (She was excited, but then chickened out.) We had dinner at a restaurant of her choice, where she ordered herself just like a young lady would. We went to the mall to browse and she picked out something new. She also received a care package with items to represent her coming of age and things she would need to help her take care of herself. Tell her about it in advance. Get her excited so she’ll view it as a celebration. It’s scary to think your baby girl is not a baby anymore, but you can minimize the impact of this change and make it something special and memorable for her. And if you have other soon-to-be-little ladies, it also helps them to get prepared and excited for their turn. Help them to expect and accept it with bravery and strength. They will appreciate you so much for being there for them.
Joselyn Ward lives in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada, with her husband and four daughters, ages 11, twins 10, and 6. She grew up in Williamsburg, New York. As a child attended Metro Ministries Sunday School (an aggressive inner-city outreach program) after her father passed away. Determined to make something of herself, she volunteered in that ministry and eventually went on staff Joselyn met her husband at Metro. Currently she is a child and youth worker for group homes speciallizing in mentally and physically disabled children.
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Win Dad! We
By Dorsee Savage
Americans celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in May and June. Sometimes the holiday celebrations aren’t so happy when our personal experiences have been hurtful or we have lost a parent. Still, we can look beyond the obvious and realize how God sees us and cares for us. We can hope to be the change for our children. This poem, written by Dorsee Savage, an ex-offender, is an example of changed thinking about an earthly father who let him down.
We win dad, You win through me. For I am the man you knew you could be. Although you don’t know me, I remain your son. The cells and the souls we carry are one There were times I resented you, Why didn’t you stay? Didn’t you love me? Then why did you stray? But when I became a man I must honestly say There were times when I too wanted to just run away But part of you stayed and could not run And though it was rough, He has overcome. So we win dad, You win through me. For I am the man you knew you could be This is not to discredit you No attempt to defame For I carry your DNA in my vein I too know the paradox created by lust Being made in God’s image, Yet formed from the dust. But God knows the future, So dad could it be, that many of the prayers you prayed Were answered in me? Maybe you just passed the torch, Or handed the baton, Or tagged my hand as I entered the ring and fought on, And wrestled the adversities of true fatherhood The fear of commitment, Opposed to just laying wood. See I battled these with you from inside of your loins Through pain and through gain we’re immortally joined So we win dad You win through me
Think of it as a second round victory Your dream lives on your legacy stands The child you created has grown to a man. And though he’s unique In his own special way. He’s reminiscent of you From what his momma say That means you are a winner Whether you knew it or not And your soul has wings Whether you flew it or not See God made you a king Whether you blew it or not And you can still overcome Whether you do it or not But I take no credit for being who I am It was our own Heavenly Father through the blood of the Lamb Who taught me the power of the man he’s designed Whom He has created And He has defined. And when my life’s at its summit for this I pray That I may look into my child’s eyes and say We win child I win through you For you do the things that I dreamed to do. Like God giving the temples blueprint to King David Yet giving his son Solomon, the wisdom to raise it. As I build the house may you make it a home As I construct the castle May you sit on the throne May you take my experiences my joys and my pain May they teach you and give you the wisdom to reign If these things I’m able to say in the end Then our labor’s not in vain We win dad We win. Reach UP
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De¢orating on a Dime
by Jeanette Rivera
I recently moved and found myself with a very tight budget and no furniture or decorating items to fill the spaces. Moving can be very expensive, let alone decorating. BEHOLD a huge light bulb lit up right over my head! I could hear the angels singing, “DOLLAR TREE.” Just joking. No angels. One of my favorite TV channels is HGTV. I recommend anyone to watch if you love decorating or you simply have no clue where to start. Magazines are a wonderful way to view great color schemes and decorate on a low budget too. You can make your home look like it should be on MTV Cribs. My first project: A big empty kitchen. Hmmm. I went on Craig’s List and searched around. [If you have access to the internet, www.craigslist.org is a site where people buy and sell their things. Just be careful and don’t get into sections that could drag you into trouble.] I found a great table for my empty kitchen space for $50. So I bought it and was so excited!
What a way to save! Someone else’s trash can be your treasure. The table looked so plain and I am no decorating guru, so I began flipping through magazines and watching Extreme Home Makeover. I decided to be bold and play with colors, red walls with yellow? It worked for me. I went to my local bargain store and bought a contemporary vase with yellow flowers and red mats. Then went to the Dollar tree and bought Santa Fe red and yellow large plates and plain yellow bowls to sit on top of the large plates. Viola! A beautiful table on a budget! And I spent less than $25. I don’t know about you but that’s shopping to me! It brightened up the room and my kids love the playful look. Try it. You will have so much fun!
Luke 12:15 Then Jesus said to them, “Be careful and guard against all kinds of greed. Life is not measured by how much one owns.”
Given to you by:
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I’m a Reach UP woman!
www.myreachup.com coming soon
I’m a Reach UP woman!
www.myreachup.com coming soon