Falling for Christmas by

VANESSA HUANG

If you have yet to see Falling for Christmas, now is the point where you put this down and stream it on Net ix. A er years of dealing with personal struggles, it’s nally Lindsay Lohan’s comeback (a Lohanaissance, if you will). e lm itself is awful, but it’s so bad that I have looped all the way around to absolutely loving it. I am therefore awarding it the ve stars it deserves for an experience so entertaining it cannot be topped.

e lm has all the trappings of a generic Hallmark Christmas romcom: a sophisticated city girl goes to a small town for the holidays and learns to appreciate the simple joys of country life, all while falling in love with a rugged, down-to-earth local.

Lohan plays hotel heiress Sierra Belmont, while love interest Jake (Chord Overstreet) is the owner of the local B&B. To really amp up the soppiness, he’s also a widower with a young daughter. So far, so good.

But Falling for Christmas stands head and shoulders above many of its peers. Unlike the standard fare, it doesn’t even attempt to be good. e screenplay seems to have been conjured up in about an hour, rife with plot holes and clunky dialogue. e lm also looks woefully tacky, from the poorly made props to the distractingly bad green screen – and that’s precisely what makes it so brilliant.

e lm opens with Sierra holidaying at her father’s ski resort with her in uencer boyfriend Tad (George Young). e pair are spoiled and bratty – the perfect image of people in need of some small-town family values. e whole thing is set in motion by a mountaintop proposal gone wrong in the campiest way. A er Sierra says yes, she loses her footing; Tad tries to grab onto her hand but the too-big ring simply slips o . As indicated by the title’s excellent wordplay, they’re sent toppling down the mountain, in a fall cinematic enough to rival Decision to Leave e head trauma from the fall leaves her in a fugue state, unable to recall anything including her own name – she now goes by Sarah. Jake nds her and o ers to take her in, while Tad, memory una ected, is conveniently shepherded into a separate storyline. (In reality, a woman su ering from amnesia being taken in by a random man would be absolutely terrifying. But it’s Christmas, so we just let that go.)

And thus begins her domestication. She spends her days learning to cook and clean – cue the montages of Sarah ooding the laundry room and struggling to crack an egg. rough all this, we’re somehow supposed to like Jake, a man who is perfectly happy to dump a load of chores on a woman with a newly incurred head injury. She has overly sentimental conversations with Jake’s daughter about their mothers dying. She also joins in with the local festivities, in a town simultaneously so small that everyone seems to know each other and so big that not a single person recognises the uber-rich resort owner’s daughter.

Lindsay Lohan brings a refreshing sincerity to FallingforChristmas, committing to the lm and all its silliness in a performance reminiscent of her star-making turns in Freaky Friday and Mean Girls. Yet for all the charisma that Lohan has, she and Overstreet as a couple are utterly charmless; so charmless that I want to say they have negative chemistry – helped in no part by the obvious body double standing in for Lohan when they kiss. But this only adds to the hilarity.

Falling for Christmas is the gi that keeps on giving. Where else will you nd

Lindsay Lohan singing "Jingle Bell Rock", a creepier-than-usual Father Christmas, and apt commentary on Airbnb’s disruption in local communities, all wrapped up in some of the most atrocious editing ever committed to lm? It’s somehow the best and worst lm I’ve seen this year. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.

by Arctic Monkeys

by SOFIA LAMMALI

e Arctic Monkeys’ seventh studio album e Car marks the She eld band’s transition from an indie rock band to a smooth lounge act. It comprises songs that you would be more likely to hear in a cocktail bar than at a rock concert. Fan reception to this change has been incredibly polarised, but the album is nonetheless a decent step into new territory.

e rst single of the album, which is also the opening track, “ ere’d Better Be A Mirrorball” hinted at this drastic change upon its rst release. Opening with a dreamy piano, we are then serenaded by Alex Turner’s distinct vocals over a melancholy drum beat. It’s a solid, sultry opening number. “Body Paint” acted as the album’s second single, and is perhaps the closest to their conventional style, being lled with the swagger that has come to de ne the band. It has endearing synth leads and violins that keep things interesting in addition to the entertaining guitar solo at the end.

Despite decent singles, the album has its fair share of llers. e title track, “ e Car”, is unfortunately quite forgettable. ough the balance between the string orchestra and guitar is interesting and just about works, it doesn’t lead to a particularly compelling song. “Hello You” is more playful, but zzles out abruptly, as does “Mr Schwartz”. is tendency for songs to end suddenly with little warning is prevalent throughout the record.

e album’s highlight is the second song “I Ain’t Quite Where I ink I Am”. Its funk bass li s the mood and is complemented by an orchestral bridge and cinematic violins. e obnoxiously titled “Jet Skis On e Moat” is also strong, opening with a smooth, 70s funk guitar and manages to balance gloomy with sexy. “Big Ideas” is also a high point. It is the most climactic song on the album, worthy of a James Bond soundtrack, with a full-bodied orchestra.

“Sculptures of Anything Goes” sees the band use drum machines and synthesisers to create a booming bass beat, more reminiscent of their previous work. It’s a little unsettling, and one that will prove a little divisive. Finally, “Perfect Sense” closes out the album with wonderful violins, but it doesn’t have the feel of a closing track and is ultimately rather underwhelming.

As a whole, however, the album works. e retro arrangements are impressive and the album successfully creates atmosphere. Its main drawbacks are that a lot of the songs are remarkably unmemorable. It’s not exactly thrilling, and some will de nitely get frustrated by how there is rarely a chorus nor climax that makes the occasionally tedious pacing worth it. e lyrics are enigmatic at best and nonsensical at worst, and Alex Turner’s vocal performance is far from his best. Despite this, the album triumphs through lavish instrumentalization, a cinematic feel and a bit of glam rock air.