The Bright Side of Gray Divorce By Jennifer L. Adams
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hen I talk with women going through a “gray” divorce, I often hear things like “you need to get the word out about this—women need to know our options,” or “I have several friends that are going through this same situation right now.” So, here we go. Gray divorce—a divorce that happens over the age of 50—is becoming a reality for more and more women. In fact, divorces granted in the U.S. for those under 50 are on the decline, but growing rapidly for those over 50. Many factors certainly contribute. Clients working on financial planning issues in divorce have told me “When the kids grew up and left for college, we didn’t have anything in common anymore,” and “I wanted to leave earlier, but decided to wait until the kids moved out.” Gray divorce can be detrimental financially for both spouses, but women generally have a rougher road to travel. They should expect a lifestyle constrained by available income that is about 40% less compared to income funding their marital lifestyle. If they stayed at home with their children for any length of time, they are subject to lower incomes and fewer 12 | 50+ Living | September 2020
opportunities for promotion. Career women may have decided to stay in a position that paid less because they never suspected divorce would happen to them. Some women who stayed home with their children their entire marriage might be forced to retrain themselves for the workforce completely. There are, however, plenty of financial bright spots that may apply specifically to women going through a gray divorce: Women are great at reinventing themselves, planning the future they want to live and not necessarily going along with others’ ideas. I’ve worked with women who are obviously excited about the freedom to reshape their futures. One woman I met with was so relieved to get out of her marriage because it meant freedom from financial stress. Her partner’s spending habits had caused tremendous strain on the marriage, and years of counseling had not provided a resolution. Going it alone financially was clearly the better choice for her. If you are in a situation where you were not the primary wage earner in the family, you are entitled to
