But Do I Deserve It? By Lavinia Plonka
I
have a jacket I call God’s jacket. There was a period in my life where it seemed like nothing went right. I was in debt, my practice was not growing, in fact, it was almost non-existent and I needed a jacket. I saw one in a trendy catalog that seemed unaffordable. It was $275, which seemed exorbitant in the 1990’s. I would look at that jacket. And stress about my life. And look at that jacket. And bemoan my fate. Then I caught a cold. Ever since my childhood asthma, my respiratory system had been my teacher. Whenever I was in denial about my life situation, unhappy, stressed, broke, frustrated, I caught a cold. If I ignored the cold
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thesofiamagazine.com | October 2020
(because each time I totally forgot that my body was trying to talk to me and I assumed I was merely sick), it quickly either turned into bronchitis, a sinus infection, or some other dreadful, dramatic outpouring of mucus that put a new
meaning on the term “phlegmatic.” Once again, I ignored the cold.
Soon I noticed it wasn’t leaving. That constant discomfort in my nose, that constant feeling of not being able to breathe, that pressing in my head persisted. Finally I recognized it. I was getting a sinus infection. “Oh no! “ I moaned. I envisioned the doctor bill, the prescription cost, cancelling the few classes I had, cash register bells started ringing in my head alongside the throbbing. The last time I had a sinus infection, it had ended up costing me over $200. And then as I passed the coffee table, I saw the catalog with my jacket calling to me. I burst into tears. I sat down on the couch and began to pray, to everyone and everything: Mr. God, my “higher”
