Eastto Quest
CHAPTER ONE S JENNY, SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT, drove to the houseboat on Friday, she had no concerns. But on Sunday, when it was time to return home, her belly was so much bigger that she couldn’t fit behind the steering wheel. She knew something was up and decided to pay a visit to her doctor. Sure enough, a few months later, on October 1, 1966, she was to deliver not one baby boy but two, first Steve, followed 17 minutes later by Mike. Perhaps it was his distinction from birth--twins make up only 2% of the U.S. population--that ignited Steve’s predilection for being unique. Or maybe it was the opposite: sharing the spotlight with a more boisterous twin brother left him seeking ways to find attention. In either case, almost everything he’d do in life, he’d do with flair. The twins were to begin their lives in Bloomington, Minnesota, the middle children of Jenny and Rod. Sister Stacey was four when the boys came along, and Jessica would follow four years later, rounding out the family. Steve and
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Rod and the twins Steve moving into an upside-down crawl
Mike grew up side by side but had very different personalities from the get-go. Steve, always the smaller of the two, was curious, easygoing, and followed the beat of his own drummer. When he first began to crawl, he did it upside-down, belly up, an early indication of an easy agility beyond the norm. Mike was more social and vocalized his needs, thereby getting his quieter brother taken care of too. Steve reports, “I didn't cry. I didn't need to. My brother would, and I'd get the same.” This dynamic continued throughout their early life, Steve observing his more outgoing brother's antics and learning the ins and outs, particularly how to not get in trouble. But it wasn't Steve's good behavior that earned him the nickname “Beave.” Instead it was Mike's adaptation of the name Steve. Beave took off, and it would stick with Steve through high school. Steve has mixed feelings about his experience of twin life. “Growing up as a twin had its up and downs. On the one hand, I always had a playmate. But on the other hand, we
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Steve drops by his childhood home while on a bike ride, 2012
were routinely referred to as one person, Steve-and-Mike. That gets old. Sometimes I just wanted to be my own person, to just be Steve.” In 1970, the family moved to Eden Prairie, Minnesota, then a growing suburb on the outskirts of Minneapolis. They built in a wooded subdivision, a perfect place to raise four kids, a dog, and a cat. The blue house on Topview Road would serve as home base for nearly twenty years, with the parents occupying the upstairs master bedroom and the girls taking rooms on the main floor. The boys were relegated to the bottom rung basement, a land of shag carpeting and a private entrance that would become a portal to freedom. Rod was an accountant and Jenny was a stay-at-home mom with a determined volunteer streak, always reaching out to help others. When the kids became old enough, she funneled her interest in women’s issues to volunteer in the lab at what was then Boynton’s Teen Medical Service. Later she’d pick up a tool belt and boiler’s license and become
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Jenny with the twins Baby Jessica joins the family
handyperson for the women’s shelter Incarnation House, work she found deeply satisfying. The family was guided by strong but non-rigid religious beliefs. While they were Lutheran, Rod and Jenny socialized with Baptists and Catholics and were open to interventions outside their own faith. In the '70s, the whole family would attend a Christian camp that encouraged being born again. Steve was intrigued by being reborn multiple times, and his spiritual curiosity was sparked. Jenny and Rod also dabbled in pop psychology techniques of the day. When the kids were younger, Jenny became interested in Transactional Analysis and applied TA for Tots methods. Later, Rod and Jenny would become engrossed with Marriage Encounter and would take the kids to Family Encounter weekends. Jenny’s interpersonal exploration would eventually lead to working out family of origin issues in therapy, and what followed would have great impact on everyone.
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First day ofschool Steve with Foxy and Mike with the cat Ziggy
Rod and Jenny’s parenting style was very relaxed with a healthy dose of good values. Rod, who’d grown up working on his grandfather's farm, had relied on his own persistence to get ahead, winning the title of state wrestling champion, which earned him a scholarship to the University of Minnesota. The children were raised with a blend of their parents' prevailing attitudes: Apply yourself in your endeavors, and do what you can to help others along the way. When the boys began school at Forest Hills Elementary, Jenny made sure that they were in different classrooms each year, so they could develop socially on their own. But Steve was more interested in the natural world around him than books or classmates. While he daydreamed at his desk, his after-school time was truly the stuff of Boy’s Life. The minute he’d get home, he’d collect his trusty standard poodle, Foxy, and head off to the woods. Other times, he’d meet up with friends like Ryan for games of Army and GI Joe. They might fish in the creek or shoot off
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Greenbrier, Great Smoky Mountains National Park
Ryan's BB guns. On rainy days, they'd compose messages in Elvish, Lord ofthe Rings script. Steve reflects, “I was able to, sort of, be my dorky self.� Jenny says that Steve could occupy himself alone for hours, captivated by anthills or other curiosities of the natural world. He'd climb to the tops of trees and wonder, his imagination transforming gravel pits into mountain ranges, herons into pterodactyls, and shadows into Bigfoot. In downpours, he'd float colored toothpicks in the gutter streams, imagining them as bright kayaks on a river. When he got bored with that, he might page through his nature magazines, Ranger Rick, National Geographic, and Fishing Facts. For a while at least, Steve considered Foxy his best friend. He'd nap with her in her dog house or engage in bouts of tug of war, boy and dog with a sock gripped in their jaws, growling and yanking. Of course, Steve had siblings to play with too. He and Mike would battle it out in games of ping pong or foosball. While the twin boys would play together at
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On vacation in Gatlinburg, Tennessee
home, on the outside, they each kept different friends and social lives. Because Mike was bigger, he’d hang out with older kids, and strangers often mistook him for the older brother, which Steve found annoying. Mike also had a natural athletic advantage, but Steve turned this into opportunity. “If we played basketball, he’d block my shots. If we wrestled, he had size on me. So I had to learn to be tough, fast, and scrappy.” Due to age differences, relationships with his sisters were less intense. Stacey, as oldest, assumed a caretaker role, and in her teenage years, she was busy volunteering, already on her path to nurse and midwife. Some nights, she’d step up to cook the family dinner, which everyone looked forward to. Steve would grow closer to Jessica, the baby of the family, as he approached adolescence. Nevertheless, the family was close-knit, and they especially enjoyed their down time, which usually involved being outdoors. Jenny’s parents kept a houseboat, and many
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The houseboat and a campfire on the banks ofthe St. Croix River
summer weekends were passed there, water-skiing the beautiful river that forms the border of Minnesota and Wisconsin, the St. Croix. They also made regular trips out east to the grandparents’ cabin near Gatlinburg, Tennessee, and explored the well-worn hiking trails of the Great Smoky Mountains. In winter, Steve and his siblings took ski lessons at Cedar Hills, preparing for trips out west to downhill ski in Colorado or the Tetons. It was the father-and-sons trips that had the most impact on Steve, with destinations that whet his appetite for adventure. These jaunts began with a Boundary Waters trip, complete with a guide from northern Minnesota’s beloved Camp Widjiwagen. After that, the threesome explored Yellowstone, the Rockies, and Glacier National Park, sharing a newfound love of the west and its rugged mountains. 1970s Eden Prairie was a pretty safe place. Steve recalls the freedom he had, coming and going as he pleased. Rod was absorbed in his work and Jenny in home improvement projects,
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'70s fashion! Youth football, Steve (34) and Mike (43)
so the household structure was loose and active. The parents placed more importance on gathering for family dinners-conversation was managed with a painted wooden speaking spoon--than training the kids in conscientious habits, like turning off the lights and closing doors. Because their house would be ablaze, every light on, the neighbors nicknamed their home the Electric Company. In grade school, Steve started playing football and soccer, and Rod got the boys involved in AAU wrestling, a sport Steve would continue through high school. In junior high, as the shadow of adolescence began to creep his way, Steve still just loved being outdoors engaged in play. But when Mike started teasing him for his nerdy behavior, Steve felt the pressure to fit in. Embarrassed now, he stashed away his Mad magazines and toy guns and said good-bye to that part of his life. Now he had to be cool. Before the transition to Eden Prairie High School, Steve began to develop a new kind of self-awareness highlighted by
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Age 4, 1971
a few eye-opening moments. Before 8th grade, he barely paid attention to school, being more involved in the outdoor world. But after standardized tests results came back, he discovered that he was smart. After this realization, he experienced a shift and began to apply himself, attending to his grades and homework. He describes himself as being “a really good kid” from that point on until about senior year. The second event occurred at Camp Widjiwagen (often shortened to Widji), where Steve and his brother started going when they were 13, after their BWCA experience with the guide. Typically, the boys were sent off to the monthlong camp together, but one year, Mike hurt himself and had to stay home. Steve found himself on his own, being “Steve” instead of “Mike’s brother.” He opened up in a way he’d been unable to before and established his individuality. He emerged as a competent paddler and camper, even a leader. A counselor he confided in turned him on to mystic author Carlos Castaneda, and Steve’s fascination with the super-
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Mike, Stacey, Steve Jenny, Rod, and Jessica in front
natural grew. When the month was up, he returned home with a marked confidence. His sister Jessica noted that he left one person and returned a different person. From that point on, he explored his individuality in ways that teens do, trying out offbeat hair and clothes and listening to music his parents would surely not like. He continued to do well in his studies, all the while enjoying the freedom of the private entrance accompanied by a lack of curfew. He entered the working life, holding jobs all through high school. He started out bussing tables at Mr. Steak at age 14 and later peddled latex and oil paint in the hardware department at Sears. He scooped up kernels at Eden Prairie Center’s Corn Popper, each day passing the place he really wanted to work, the book store. Steve continued his involvement in soccer and wrestling throughout high school. His fondest high school memory took place at a home turf wrestling meet. Feeling particularly “on” that day, he wrestled well and nabbed first place. “I just
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Excited for a trip to Hawaii
kicked people's butt. It was really fun.” Around junior year, life became turbulent, both with family life and for Steve personally. At home, a conflict between Jenny and her parents was escalating, and Rod’s workaholic lifestyle wasn’t helping matters. The four kids were brought into family therapy, Steve’s first personal experience with psychology. As a disgruntled teen, he was unimpressed, finding the processing and rehashing ineffective. At this point, he never dreamed he’d one day become a psychotherapist. While his parents were wrapped up in their own problems, Steve began smoking pot, at first as a way to get his parents’ attention. But he discovered that he liked the way it calmed him and opened him up socially, an avenue to his gregarious self. At first he just smoked at parties, becoming very animated and garnering the attention he craved. But by senior year, occasional use had turned into a daily habit, and his parents caught on. His mother was distraught, and his father
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Left to right: Jessica, Steve, Stacey, Mike Steve learning to climb palm trees
intervened, sending him to a treatment program. Rod gave Steve an ultimatum. He’d need to pass the program if he wanted help with college costs. Steve was able to fake it through the program, fooling the counselors and everyone else. He continued with his habit as he went off to college. Looking back, Steve notes how the use of pot changed the course of his life. Until then, his interest in the natural sciences had remained strong, and his dream was to be a field or marine biologist. But after he started smoking, the existential questions dominated his thoughts and cast doubt on the path he'd previously chosen.
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Steve graduating from collge, with Kevin O'Neil and Mike at right.
CHAPTER Two FTER GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL in 1985, Steve was certain about one thing: he would go to college out west, somewhere near mountains. He attended Redlands in Southern California, which he chose for its alternative living and learning program at Johnston Center for Integrative Studies. The Center, started in 1969, doesn't use a grading system, allows students to design their own curriculum, and even encourages students to lead their own courses. Here Steve took classes from three Religion and Philosophy professors who would have a major influence on him; Doug Bowman, Bill Huntley, and the highly popular Kevin O’Neil. These mentors solidified his decision to major in World Religions and Philosophy and inspired a new career goal, to be a professor. He was still eating up the works of Castaneda, filled with magical and mystical experiences, and Steve hungered for these kinds of mind-altering phenomena. Steve thrived in the creative and empowering atmosphere
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A J-Term trip to Greece
at Redlands, becoming very involved with the coursework, writing his papers with fervor, and taking advantage of office hours--still easing social tension by getting stoned. He loved taking edgier classes and challenging the status quo. He spent one J-Term in a student-led War Strategy class, which involved hosting battles in the middle of a progressive liberal arts campus, much to the chagrin of the student “protesters.” Steve treasures his years at Redlands as one of the best times of his life. An eager learner, Steve took classes over several more JTerms. In junior year, he was introduced to Zen Buddhism-which would later come to have a profound impact on his life--when Gudo Wafu Nishijima came to Redlands to lead a course. Every day they would meditate, facing the wall zazen style, and focus on becoming present. Steve felt an affinity with this practice and the simple, non-intellectual explanations provided by the visiting Zen master. When Steve asked about Castaneda, Nishijima replied, “Quite interesting but not
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Egypt, 1988
necessary." Steve found Buddhism highly practical compared to the other religions he studied, and he was particularly drawn to the instruction to verify the teachings for one's self rather than belief through faith. He began his lifelong meditation practice around this time. Another J-Term was spent abroad for an Art History course, traveling in Egypt, Turkey, and Greece. Armed with knowledge from classes in Greek philosophy and literature, Steve was able to fully appreciate the sites they visited. Compared to the ruins of Europe, the solid, intact temples of Egypt filled him with awe. He became fired up to understand ancient civilizations and their search for meaning and their inexplicable perception of the world. He recalls the temples. “They were so big and so magnificent that you feel so tiny when you're inside them. Your significance is just dwarfed in comparison.� While at Redlands, Steve would visit Joshua Tree National Park with his girlfriend Laura or friends Glen or Tony.
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Hiking out west, somewehre Camping in Baja with Mike Phillips Laura, Fran, and Steve
There he could enjoy that same sense of connection among the provocative rock formations and the intense quiet. As an outdoors lover, it's easy for him to see how nature dovetails with spirituality. “You're a part of the world around you. Your ego quiets down. Suddenly you're not the biggest and most important thing around.� During college, his first long-term separation from his twin, Steve's relationship with Mike morphed into something new, something closer to friendship. Steve visited Mike at DePauw University in Indiana, and they enjoyed easily relating to one another and their sense of connection. Another time, Mike made the road trip to Redlands with Steve, camping and exploring along the way. Eventually, Steve just needed one last requirement to graduate: a cross-cultural experience. Steve chose the distinctive Antioch Buddhist Studies Program in Bodh Gaya, India. The immersive six-month program, which started in 1979, houses students in a Burmese monastery and supports a spiritual life
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The day before heading to India
for the students while they're there. Expectations included sitting in meditation twice daily and living according to five basic vows, or precepts. Including one that Steve had mixed feelings about: to abstain from intoxicants. A big part of him was ready to give up pot once and for all, but after five years of smoking, he felt dependent. Once he took the precepts, though, he remained committed to following them. The course at Bodh Gaya investigates three approaches to Buddhism: Vipassana, which most closely mirrors the mindfulness movement that would become popular in the west; Zen, a highly structured Japanese form; and Tibetan, which appealed to Steve the most for its light-hearted approach. Students would work with renowned teachers including Munindra and Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche. Steve headed to India in August of 1990 to find a lifestyle that was immediately attractive to him. Beforehand, he was filled with ideas about achieving enlightenment or at least a few supernormal feats that are associated with states of deep
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Steve's room in the monastery at Bodh Gaya Steve with new friends in Varanasi on Holi, a festival that involves throwing colored water
concentration. When he settled in at the monastery, he encountered a different kind of lifestlyle. Living alongside two Burmese monks, he was struck instead by the calm and intent manner in which they conducted mundane activities. He was particularly taken with Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche, who came flanked by an entourage of followers. It was with Rinpoche that Steve took refuge, a vow to follow the Buddha’s path, under the Bodhi Tree, where the Buddha is said to have attained enlightenment. After the Antioch program ended, the Dalai Lama was scheduled to visit Bodh Gaya, and any Antioch students who could stay were invited to have an audience with him. Steve already had plans in place to travel around India, Nepal, and Southeast Asia, so was lucky enough to make that happen. He expected a spiritually powerful and aloof person and was caught off guard by the Dalai Lama’s gregarious, down-toearth nature. “He was the most genuine and authentic person--and still is the most genuine and authentic person--
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Travels in Katmandu and India
I've ever met.” The event included a short Q&A, and Steve’s submitted question was among those chosen. The answers the Dalai Lama gave fit the questions perfectly and were so complete. “He could meet anyone on their level.” Following this life-changing six months, Steve was eager to lighten up and have some fun while seeing what he could of India. He met up with his girlfriend Laura for some travel. The precepts behind him, his idea of relaxation included smoking India’s famous hashish. One day, out among the throngs in a city, a man approached Steve, asking to practice his English. Steve found himself too stoned to carry on a conversation, to engage how he would have liked. He retreated in self-disgust and vowed to give up the habit. The next day, he decided to finish off the stash rather than toss it out, but this decision didn’t sit well with his conscience. After smoking, he experienced an attack of panic like he’d never known. He was unable to leave his room. Each time he approached the door, his heart began racing.
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This was to be the beginning of a period of panic attacks, which intensified as he gave up his habit. Without pot to calm his anxiety and without the safe confines of the Bodh Gaya monastery, he would have to face his demons sooner or later.
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CHAPTER tHREE ACK AT HOME, Steve immersed himself in his studies, investigating religion, spirituality, any of the ways humans have come up with to find meaning and peace. He continued to meditate and, always a heavy reader, voraciously ate up whatever texts he could on a broad range of topics. He began writing and considered it as a career path. To supplement his writing, Steve held a wide array of jobs, including booking corporate travel and working retail at the Museum Store. With less success, he tried his hand at serving at TGI Fridays until the manager pulled him aside and said, “Looks like you’re a can’t do.” During a sales call for Cutco Cutlery, he botched a demo, cutting his finger and bleeding all over. He held a few brief factory jobs, from manufacturing fiber optics and printed labels to sorting hot potatoes--a job he gave up after one day. The job he most enjoyed was one that harkened back to his boyhood “dorky self,” the nerd he’d put to rest in junior
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Winter camping in the Boundary Waters
high. He was hired as a Miner '49er at Mall of America's Camp Snoopy. He taught customers how to pan for gold, which they could take home in vials. His favorite task was to saw cantaloupe-sized geodes in half, exposing whatever surprises lie inside. With no mountains to explore, he returned to Minnesota's Boundary Waters, this time in the winter months. Despite sub-zero temperatures, Steve and his friend decided to ski out anyway, and Steve wound up going to the ER with frostbite. When the doctor peeled off his Tibetan wool sock, Steve's foot was blue from the dye, and everyone got a scare. But no amputation was necessary, and Steve recovered. In his personal life, Steve was still wrestling with anxiety and panic attacks, so he found a therapist who was a good fit for him. He respected his therapist’s approach and manner and began seeing results. He found the process so helpful that he wanted to be more involved. This was a turning point, when he knew he wanted to become a psychologist. He had
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a natural curiosity about people and an approachability that made him easy to connect with. He liked listening and was interested in the process of becoming self-aware. Just a few years into studying mindfulness, he was already convinced of its usefulness in changing our own behaviors. And there was the Bodhisattva vow he’d taken, an affirmation to help others who are suffering. His therapist turned him on to a Minneapolis breathwork group, led by psychotherapist Jeremiah Abrams and Linda Piscitelli Wolf. The work focused on techniques to explore the psyche and to strengthen and move beyond the ego. Wolf’s warmth and compassion made it easy for Steve to open up and acknowledge feelings he was unaware of. The results of the work were totally different than Steve had expected. It was here that he learned the value of emotional release and his own ability to remove emotional blocks. He would remain active with the group for four years, making connections that would lead him to other forms.
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Soon after, he met another therapist, Brenda Schaeffer, and Maori spiritual guide Arapata McKay, who were involved in Native American practices. With McKay's introduction, Steve was able to take part in sweat lodges and allowed to attend a Sun Dance, a sacred ceremony guarded by secrecy. Native teachings opened his eyes to a wider realm of influence that’s beyond our control. He learned that we don’t have to take what happens to us personally. Ready to use and share all he’d learned in a more formal way, he returned to school. For graduate coursework, Steve went to St. Mary's University in Minneapolis and studied Counseling Psychology. His favorite part of the program was learning the range of skills and therapies available. He was particularly interested in the work of Carl Rogers on Unconditional Positive Regard, or complete acceptance of a patient despite what they say or do. He'd tap into this idea later when working with hard-to-reach adolescents.
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Mountain biking in Moab, Steve (top) and Mike (below) Mountain goat in Glacier National Park
His first fieldwork took place in group homes, which he found challenging, and he quickly moved on to a support and education role in a young fathers program, serving teen dads. When it came time to do an internship, there was only one place he wanted to work, Neighborhood Involvement Program (NIP). He had to apply twice, and he was grateful when he got accepted. Interns at NIP were involved in all stages of client services, from setting appointments, providing therapy, and managing paperwork, all while under excellent supervision. Steve benefited greatly from the thoughtful and professional guidance. Steve lived in a variety of places around the Uptown neighborhood, until he moved to Chanhassen, into a big log house owned by his friend Gordy, a musician with an active social life. They spent their free time mountain biking and built a trail behind their home. Highway 212 now runs through this site, full of fond memories.
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Steve and Mike, Halloween, 2011, Brothers East and West
Steve’s twin brother, Mike, also started mountain biking at this time, and the two grew close through cycling. They signed up for races, including multiple years of the Chequamegon Fat Tire Festival, with 40 miles of off-road trails. Continuing their childhood tradition, they took trips out west, but now they were seeking out premier mountain bike locales, like Moab and Montana. The two would remain close, sharing more hobbies over the years, like paddling, fishing, and brewing beer. When his internship ended, Steve applied for a job at Abbott Northwestern, and his resume was passed along to Children's Residential Treatment Center (CRTC). He was offered a job as Staff Counselor, and though he hadn't intended to work with adolescents, he decided to give it a try. It turned out to be a good fit; his demeanor put teenagers at ease. In this role, he was involved in whatever crises might come up at the Treatment Center, and Steve discovered that
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Steve and Eric hiking at Point Reyes, California
he was able to remain level-headed and cool amidst the chaos. He really enjoyed the collaborative teamwork between the staff and the strong bonds that form in such an environment. To blow off steam, he upped the ante on his biking hobby. His mountain bike began to collect dust and he logged serious miles on his new road bike. Pedaling 17 miles to work each morning, he’d traverse the roads and paths from the west metro to Minneapolis. On the way home, he'd add hilly detours, riding 30 or 40 miles. Around this time, Steve was dating a woman who also had a meditation practice. She introduced him to the Zen Center she attended in St. Paul, Clouds in Water. Steve became a part of the community immediately and remains so to this day. He took the Bodhisattva vow, to help all who are suffering, and was given the Buddhist name Muryo, which means unfathomable or immeasurable. Zen Buddhism can be characterized as strict or ritualistic, compared with other Buddhist forms. In Zen, a meditator is
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supposed to achieve stillness, not fidgeting or moving, and a lot of attention is placed on physical posture. The Zen Center was in a more extreme phase at the time, under a teacher who encouraged students to “practice as if your hair’s on fire,” or with great devotion. Emphasis was placed on sitting in the cross-legged lotus position no matter what the cost. In contrast to the chaotic nature of the Treatment Center, the structure and formality were a welcome change. Steve eventually shifted to practicing with more compassion and would start up a sitting group of his own in his home, offered freely and open to the public once a week. He shares facilitation duties with his friend, Eric, and together they've kept the group going for almost ten years. At the Treatment Center, he was eager to put his Bodhisattva vow to its best use, and he felt he’d be more productive as a therapist. But there was no opening for him at the time, so he decided to move on.
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CHAPTER four
I
N 2001, STEVE SET OUT on a new venture. For several decades, he'd been interested in natural foods, and he'd followed the evolution of the nutrition movement. He started up his own business, Whole Food Healing, a blend of spiritual and nutrition counseling and support. Learning the ropes of a startup was a valuable experience, and finally, he was able to work with clients from the counselor’s seat. He ran his own office in St. Louis Park and taught classes at the local coops. He learned that he did, in fact, love teaching, and his dream of being a professor hadn’t been off the mark. He was ready to move out of Chanhassen, and family told him of a home new on the market in a sleepy suburb. The house was small and centered around one open great room, with symmetrical features. It immediately reminded him of a Zendo. It was a block from a lake where he could enjoy his latest new hobby, kayaking. It was the only house he looked
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Tigger, a comforting friend hugged by many in Steve's therapy office
at. In his usual determined manner, he snapped it up. With a new house to work on, Whole Food Healing required more marketing and hustle than he was interested in. In 2001, the therapist position at CRTC opened up, and Steve jumped at the chance. Over the next nine years, he would refine the skills he’d picked up as Staff Counselor while treating emotionally and behaviorally disturbed teens recovering from self injurious behavior, abuse and neglect, and self-esteem issues. Working with adolescents has its particular challenges. For one thing, most don’t come to therapy by choice and can be reluctant to share their feelings, especially if they feel forced. Steve’s first job was to gain their trust and give them a sense of control in a relationship where they felt powerless. He developed techniques that enabled patients to share and work through difficult life experiences and emotions. In this dynamic environment, Steve honed the skill of matching interventions to client needs, adapting as needed.
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Steve's biking hobby took him on cycle trips to the Loire Valley in France and Alaska
Continuing education and advanced training is par for the course for therapists, and Steve opted to train in several scientifically validated therapies, which included five years of Sensorimotor Psychotherapy intensives, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and EMDR both provide exact techniques to address specific traumas, and Steve would benefit from these therapies personally before he knew it. As a way to unwind from the stress of work, Steve was still commuting by bike. One morning, in a hurry to set a new record, he was hit by a car and suffered a dislocated hip. On this particular day, as he glanced left down the side street, he didn’t notice a homeowner backing his pickup out of a driveway on his right. Steve hit the truck bed square on. His head cleared the steel, and he took the impact to his chest and knee. He rolled up onto the bed liner, immobilized with a dislocated hip. As he waited for the ambulance, he
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Steve with nephews and niece Tian, Mari, Ting
called work to tell them he’d be coming in late that day. It took a team of four burly medics, a shoulder doctor instead of a hip specialist, and a strong sedative to get his hip back in place. He spent four days in the hospital and two weeks recovering until he was back up and running with the help of crutches and a bulky leg brace. “This event taught me first-hand the value of using Sensorimotor Psychotherapy and EMDR techniques to recover from the psychological impact of trauma,” he says. Before the accident, there had been a date on Steve’s calendar that he was looking forward to, dinner with his sister Jessica and a woman she wanted Steve to meet, Jen. Temporarily postponed, the dinner eventually happened, and the two hit it off. They shared many interests, and Jen was already involved at Clouds in Water. On their way out the door, Steve asked her out for the next night. Their first date was unforgettable. They met at a bar for a drink, and when they left, since Steve still hobbling on
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Steve and Jen in the Tetons
crutches, Jen walked him to his car. Moments after she headed off, Steve was startled by a blood-curdling scream and looked up to see the man who had just mugged Jen fleeing. She was left with a broken clavicle and no purse. Steve and Jen recovered together, their relationship off to an unusual start. Jen would become an important part of Steve’s life, and they’d share many journeys over the next five years.
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CHAPTER FIVE
I
N 2005, STEVE AND JEN joined a small group pilgrimage to visit holy sites in Tibet. The travelers met up in Katmandu and prepared to fly to Lhasa, Tibet. Their adventurous itinerary was to include visits to monasteries, meditation caves, sacred shrines, and natural effervescent hot tubs at a nunnery. But a kink in their plans turned into a memorable highlight. When China Air cancelled their flight, the group instead took an overland route through the Himalayas with jeeps and busses, a threeday route at elevations as high as 16,500 feet. They were able to watch the terrain transform from lush and green near Katmandu to stark and barren as they approached Lhasa, a perspective they would have missed if they'd flown. Steve recalls, "The landscape of Tibet is amazing, because it's basically a desert. Literally nothing grows. It's just mountains and ice and rock and sand. So it really is an ethereal landscape." A pilgrimage such as theirs is not uncommon in Tibet,
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previous page: The group's camp on Lake Namtso Cave ofMilarepa, poet and yogi, 1052-1135 Monks playing longhorn
and they were openly welcomed. When they stumbled on a village in the middle of a colorful traditional ceremony, their presence stirred excitement. As they traveled from site to site, Steve was touched by the earthy nature of the Tibetans, and of course he was fascinated by their beliefs in magical abilities, including flying and lucid dreaming. While westerners frequently use the stereotype of “monks living in caves” to paint a picture of extremism, in Tibet, such a practice isn’t out of the ordinary. A life lived free of distraction and focused on spiritual practice is normal and respected. The group visited sacred caves once occupied by great teachers, such as Milarepa, and also to see caves in use today, where a solitary monk might live and practice. Steve says, “I couldn’t believe how small some of them were. We saw one that was only three feet high.” Four members of the group had the opportunity to spend an evening in one, at the special invite of the monk who lived there. They watched in fascination as he prepared their
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Mani stones inscribed with mantras Steve outside a monk's cave The monk who hosted Steve's group overnight
dinner, mixing milk tea and sampa (barley flour) with a hand that didn’t look very clean. Steve felt obligated to eat it, acknowledging the man's act of generosity. Steve’s most unforgettable moment occurred as the group was doing breathwork near a sacred sky burial site, vultures circling overhead. The setting didn’t disturb him and, instead, he was overcome with a deep sense of well-being. He realized, if only briefly, that it might be something closer to this, rather than a mystical, magical experience, that he was seeking. Steve and Jen’s next big adventure was in 2008, another pilgrimage, this time to China and Japan with Upaya Zen Center. They retraced the footsteps of Dogen, founder of the Soto school of Zen. They visited and practiced at monasteries and temples associated with the Zen master's birth, practice, realization, and death, including Tiantong Monastery. The modern-day abbot of Tiantong, filled with vitality, made a strong impression on Steve, who says, “He
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Mount Huangshan Sushi in Japan, tea in Shanghai's Old City
had the most alive eyes.� His powerful presence compared with that of only one person Steve had met before, the Dalai Lama. The group visited Mount Huangshan, which Steve remembers for its wild misty landscape enchanted with unique twisty pines sprouting from barren rock. Previously he'd studied paintings of these scenes and believed the artists to have vivid imaginations. He realized with amazement that they had been portraying reality. While on Huangshan, Steve had a qi gong massage that cemented his faith in traditional Chinese medicine. The elderly healer spoke no English, so Steve wasn’t sure what to expect. As he was lying there, he felt zapping, like tiny electrical jolts. Steve assumed the healer was poking him with needles but was shocked to discover that the man was simply holding his finger an inch from Steve's skin, directing powerful qi energy. Around 2010, Steve and Jen ended their relationship, and
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Projects: Soaking tub, sauna, snowshoes, kayak
Steve immersed himself in crafting things, an interest he shared with his mother and grandfather. He spent long days hunched over a project, a wooden sea kayak, with his grandfather's vintage tools decorating the workshop walls around him. When the boat was done, he threw himself into a backyard project, making a soaking tub like those he'd seen in Japan and a sauna to go with it.
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CHAPTER six
S
TEVE CONTINUED HIS JOB at CRTC until 2011. While he enjoyed being a therapist, he’d always been haunted by a question. Should he give it all up and dedicate himself entirely to the Buddhist life? After nearly 15 years of working with teens in treatment, he decided to find out once and for all. He put in his notice, pared down his possessions, and rented out his house. He loaded up his car with a kayak, a bike, and a pile of books then embarked on a scenic twoweek journey until he reached his destination: Great Vow Monastery in Clatskanie, Oregon. Hungry for enlightenment, he was ready to give it his all. He signed up to live full-time at the monastery, which is housed in a former elementary school. The residents’ days were filled with sitting, chanting, and basic chores. Steve occupied a cubicle-sized space in a men's dorm. Once a week, he could meet privately with one of the two teachers,
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Prayer flags in the Tibetan countryside
husband and wife, who encouraged Steve to intensify his practice of listening, listening so as to miss nothing, to listen to the sound of one hand clapping as the famous Zen koan describes it. He learned that it's impossible to listen while having thoughts, the mind chattering to itself. Full listening was total mindfulness. Steve chose Great Vow mostly because they held frequent retreats, more than any other monasteries. Once a month, residents and retreatants would spend a week or ten days in silence, sitting in meditation into the late hours of the night. While Steve could approach sitting endlessly with vigor, he was challenged by Oregon's damp weather and the chill that pervaded the minimally heated building. He began to develop respiratory problems, which became very troublesome later, and so he began to leave on weekends, more often than not. Close to Portland, Great Vow is surrounded by alluring outdoor opportunities, such as scenic hikes, waterfalls, and
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Trail ofTen Falls, near Portland
mountains. The city of Portland held many attractions for Steve too, bookstores, eateries, and breweries. His sister, Stacey, and her family lived nearby, so Steve began spending his weekends with them, returning to the cold monastery in time for Sunday night chanting. After eight months, Steve had found what he came for, an answer to his longtime nagging question. He says, “I had the realization that many of the trappings of Zen--ritual, rigidity, getting hit with a stick--are strictly cultural and not essential to enlightenment. My travels in Japan and China helped open my eyes to this.� He decided that life was the same everywhere, the challenges of the monk’s life no different than the challenges of ordinary life. He felt, and his teachers agreed, that he could have a more profound impact on the world by practicing therapy and working with people one-on-one. It felt like a truer realization of the Bodhisattva vow, to assist others ahead of oneself. After 20 years of wondering, he had
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Rock climbing in Moab
settled on the “householder” life, as it’s known in the tradition. In 2013, Steve opened up a private therapy practice in the Twin Cities, Insight Therapy, working with adults but still specializing in helping teens. He enjoys applying the various therapies and techniques he's studied over the years and tools picked up from Buddhism. He still meditates, and his life is balanced with work, relationships, and newfound activities, like rock climbing and skate skiing. So what's next? When asked about his goals, Steve says, “I like that psychotherapy’s going in a more proactive direction. I hope to bring this to my clients. Also, I’ve got some climbing challenges picked out that I’ll be facing. And it'd be pretty great to live and work abroad for a while.” Check in with the next installment and keep up with Steve’s story.
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