Rebelle Magazine Issue 004 November 2022

WELCOME

AFTER YEARS OF BEING IN SURVIVAL MODE, CAUTIOUSLY DECIDING, AND RUTHLESSLY PRIORITIZING WHERE MY PHYSICAL BODY AND MY ENERGY WAS NEEDED, I’M FINALLY AT A PLACE WHERE I JUST WANT TO FEEL GOOD.

What I’m intentionally seeking are life’s simple pleasures. I’ve shed all the should dos and feel little to no obligation to go about my life in a certain way. Maybe this realization comes from age, this year I celebrated the exciting 40 year milestone Maybe it’s from the pandemic, where we were all stripped of the busyness that kept us moving from one activity to another without much time for reflection

Whatever the catalyst, I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and my current state of confidence that I can choose where my time is spent. I am open to trying new experiences, but if an activity doesn’t bring me joy, it’s on the chopping block, just as Marie Kondo suggests we do with those old towels we were saving for no reason in the backs of our closets

In this issue you will find different ways to explore what “feeling good” means for you Each of our contributors shared what lights them up in different areas of their lives and work. Whether it is exploring and supporting local small businesses (Love Local, Richmond, VA), helping people feel more confident at work (What Does Confidence Look Like?) or embracing the season with cozy activities at home (Enjoy The Darker Months), both our introverted and extroverted readers will find inspiration to reconnect with their own habits and hobbies

The thing about feeling good is that none of us need to strive for perfection or work to master a skill, or monetize an activity Feeling good is about trying different things until we find what fits xox Shannon

career

Feel Good Playlist

Editor + Designer: Shannon Siriano Greenwood Cover Photography: Sofia Owen

Rebelle Magazine is a digital and print publication published quarterly, January, March, June, and October by Lemon Umbrealla, LLC (dba Rebelle Con).

Interested in contributing an article to a future issue of Rebelle Magazine or to the Rebelle Blog? Email shannon@rebellecon.com with your pitch or other inquiries.

N T R I B U T O R S

Sofia Owen (Cover Photography + Design, Personal Reflections) A photographer with a passion for design, Sofia was born in Bogota, Colombia Founder of SO ATELIER, a studio supporting individuals, companies, and teams to capture, create, and curate brand-aligned visuals through custom photography, video editing, graphic design, and web design

Jacquelyn Duggan (A Dinner Party to Remember + Enjoy The Darker Months) A firm believer that food nourishes not only the body, but the heart and soul, too, Jacquelyn is an amateur home cook and aspiring food writer Outside of all things food, she loves Bar Method, is a sucker for a good read and spending time outside in her garden

Sundie Marquardt (What Does Confidence Look Like?) is the Head of Coaching + Development at Greenhouse Coaching She is a natural-born storyteller whose career has spanned small companies all the way up to Fortune 500 organizations with experiences in talent management, career coaching, consulting, and communications

Christine Rich (Dresses) An award winning Marketing Executive, retired spin instructor, speaker, mentor, mama, advocate, and author. She is passionate about raising awareness about the intersection of chronic illness and mental health and advocating for better support for patients and physicians

Ashley D. Sweet, MA, LPC, LMHC (10 Ways To Improve Pleasure) a licensed psychotherapist and clinical sexologist practicing virtual therapy in Virginia and Florida Ashley has spent her career working in sexual and reproductive health, including 14 years with Planned Parenthood and in a community rape crisis center.

Elaine Digges (Love Local) A University of Richmond graduate, with a degree in accounting, Elaine is a lover of all things Richmond When she is not sharing about her favorite local businesses on her blog and instagram account, she plays rec volleyball, hiking, or checking our Richmond's murals

SWELL by Rebelle

A 12-Month peer mentor 12-Month mentor A 12-Month peer mentor program where ambitious program program where ambitious professional women can learn, professional women can learn, professional women can learn, grow, and share Meet with your grow, and share. Meet with your grow, your very own group of peers, once very own group of peers, once own group of once per month, facilitated by our per facilitated our per facilitated our trusted leadership coaches. trusted leadership coaches trusted coaches http://readytorebelle.com http://readytorebelle com com

FEEL GOOD SUPPORT

For so many of the (self-described) ambitious professional people-pleasers in our community of women, it is really difficult to ask for help, even when we need it most

But we ’ ve learned, one of the best remedies for overwhelm is finding a support squad, a group of people who can pitch in when you need something off your plate, help you make important decisions, and give you much needed perspective when you are potentially holding yourself back from asking for what you need

After years of working with women to “design their own lives”, we know that having help that we can count on feels really good Here are a few of the ways we suggest you get started

HIRE YOUR SQUAD

Whether it is a therapist, cleaning lady, meal prep service, or a babysitter there is a time when the expertise of a professional is what you need to feel the weight of responsibility lifted off your shoulders Your time is valuable, which means it is not selfish or lazy to hire people to do a job that you could do (if you only had more time)

ASK ANYWAY (EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY’LL SAY NO)

JOIN A GROUP

We created SWELL by Rebelle to connect successful women with one another whether they are working inside companies or successful business owners, to create a safe space to talk through their challenges We literally practice asking for help inside of our groups because it is so common for our members to need more help than they are asking for Asking for help doesn’t mean you aren’t awesome, it means you are human

Visit readytorebelle com/swell for info

So many emotions come up when we need help, vulnerability, fear of rejection, disappointment, but we don’t have to let those emotions drive our decisions We can choose and choose again when trying to find the right support for ourselves in the season we are in If you need help, ask for it, if they say no, you are exactly where you started

GET COMFORTABLE SAYING NO

It may seem counterintuitive that you need to learn to say no if you want good support, but having brain space to know what you really need only comes from not over committing in the first place When you clear away the clutter and the noise of too many activities and responsibilities by learning that “No ” is a complete sentence, you will find that giving all of your time away doesn’t mean all of that energy comes back

Finding and inviting in the support you need and deserve.

A Dinner Party to Remember

Essay by: Jacquelyn Duggan Photography by: Dianna Dunaeva

If you could host anyone for a dinner party, who would you invite? That’s the question that Dawn Davis of Bon Appetit asked renowned author, Margaret Atwood, in a recent issue of Bon Appetit Margaret shares, “I’ll stick to dead people If I fail to invite some living people, they’d be very annoyed (Not to say other dead people wouldn’t be I’d expect to hear from Samuel Johnson and Oscar Wilde, who prided themselves on dinner conversation.)”

She goes on to say that she would invite Toni Morrison and Charlotte Bronte, and serve “ a salad that involves oranges, avocados, and endive,” and a, “chicken dish that involves putting a lot of legs and thighs, a huge amount

of garlic, onion and a bouquet of garni, and some cloves into a big Le Creuset.” That’s quite a table of women and a delightful menu!

Her response really got me thinking: who would I invite to a special dinner party? What would I make? What would it taste like? The feeling to evoke? What atmosphere would I want to create?

It reminds me of the scene in Julie & Julia, one of my very favorite movies, where Julie is offered the opportunity to host Judith Jones, Julia Child’s esteemed book editor. Julie chooses to make Julia Child’s infamous Boeuf Bourguignon, and says, “I almost feel as if Julia and I are communicating over space and time on a deep spiritual, mystical level ”

Notice that while both Margaret and Julie’s dishes of choice are involved, they’re not extremely complex Neither dinner party occurs (since Margaret’s is fictional and spoiler alert: Julie’s dinner with Judith didn’t pan out), but I’m interested in their intentions. It’s easy to guess that Julie chose Boeuf Bourguignon as an homage to Julia, and I’m sure Margaret’s dish is equally delicious and special in its own way, but are those dishes the real focus of this meal? Important, yes, but focus? I’m not sure

My revelation about this dinner party is less about the menu I’d curate, and more about the people who would be there and the memory we’d share together It’s a deep reminder to me that it’s less about the food, wine, and setting being perfect and more about connecting and enjoying the people around me

Isn’t that the deep, unique loveliness of food? It brings together people, regardless of what’s served. A meal brings forth laughter, tears, stories, and debates –evoking joy, sometimes sorrow, and lovely connection all at once

Don’t get me wrong, a curated menu is the cherry on top of this experience, and I’m a sucker for curating an

experience, so I guess if I had to choose, here’s who I would have at my table and what I would serve: Julia Child, Ina Garten, my grandmothers, my mother-in-law, and my mom. I’m picturing this incredible table of women who love food and have experienced the joy of cooking in so many ways across generations. The table would have imple linen, flowers from our garden and a few tea-lit candles I’d serve something simple, like my “pretty great” whole roasted chicken, risotto, and a light salad with my favorite rose. For dessert, I’ve always wanted to make Ina’s fruit salad with limoncello. Afterward, a cup of coffee and homemade toffee would round out the meal.

The conversation though? That would be the highlight We’d talk about everything from life and loss to love and fun They would share with me their favorite experiences and what it’s meant to them to lead the lives they live I’d listen intently and keep their words close to my heart I think it would be pretty incredible.

As I close here, I’ll extend these questions to you: who would you invite? What would you serve? What would it taste like? What feelings would it evoke? What atmosphere would you want to create?

If you could invite anyone to a dinner party, who would you invite?

Personal

Reflections

At the September 2022 Rebelle Pop Up event in Richmond, VA, we conducted an experiment to capture the images and thoughts of the women in our community in a different way than we ever had before.

The mission of Rebelle remains unchanged since our beginnings in 2017, to share women ’ s stories We work to create spaces where women can bring their whole selves, their professional expertise, their passions, their fears, and their accomplishments, to share them with each other and now with our extended community of readers.

From raising healthy families to driving professional growth, advocating for social justice to nurturing friendships, our priorities shift over time. But there’s space for all of us, no matter where we are today and where we ’ re heading tomorrow

Photography by Sofia Owen Words by Women of the Rebelle Community Compiled and Edited by Shannon Siriano Greenwood

On Passion And Purpose

Our favorite question to ask is, “What are you passionate about?” Unlike the “what do you do” question, the answers change over time and reveal what motivates us, what our interests are, and how we hope to impact the world around us.

For Anna Kohele passion is about speaking truth to power, specifically uplifting the experiences of Black women as examples for her daughter “From the time Black women and girls are born we are told all of the ways that we are not enough from our skin tone to our hair texture,” she shared Jennifer Sullivan shared that she is passionate

about travel "It opens up my mind by exposing me to differences in perspectives and values, different ways to do things, different foods to eat, different styles of art, fashion, architecture and music " For Kayla Phillips, she is passionate about putting people first She shared that "creating psychological safety for those in your circle or on your teams at work" is motivating her to "be a safe place for folks and a source of honesty around things that aren't often discussed openly "

-Christie Thompson

I am passionate about finding joy in the every day.

On Our Ability To Change

It is safe to say that most of us aren’t where we thought we would be Whether we made intentional choices to change our path or life threw us a curveball (or a few), our ability to navigate these changes or set them in motion is something to be proud of Christie Thompson shared,“I've surprised myself recently by my willingness to take risks and challenge myself”, confirming what we thought that it’s never too late to do things that our younger selves wouldn’t have believed we were capable of.

Jennifer Sullivan expressed, I never

thought of myself as a change-junkie, but history has repeatedly shown me that I am I get restless when I'm not learning something new or exploring ” But to change does not mean a complete reinvention Caryn Foster Durham said, “the most surprising thing, when looking back, is that while I have continued to evolve as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend I have remained true to myself ”

Life has a way of testing us. We build strength by surviving difficulties, and learning from those experiences. We asked the question, “How have you surprised yourself?” and for many the answer was surprise at how strong they really are For Angela Knight it was “that I have the ability to summon great courage and strength when needed, like putting work aside to care for my Dad during his chemo treatments and at the end of his life ” And for Kayla Phillips she said, “I'm capable of more than I give myself credit for or take credit for ” But not all strength comes from responding to difficult circumstances, some comes from personal choices like with Kyli Bingham Hossen, “I took a few blind leaps of faith in job changes that have ultimately opened a lot of doors of personal and professional growth. I think being scared in a new position has taught me to hustle!”

Acknowledging Our Strength

-Anna Koehle

I have had to fight so many battles internally and externally, and I simply don't give up.

One of our favorite things to do is look back, to document and acknowledge the things we have overcome and the evolution of ourselves that even our younger selves would be proud of When asked how our younger selves would feel about where we are now, Kayla Phillips says, “I didn't follow a lot of the paths I thought I would and I found paths I didn't know were even possible ” reminding us that there isn’t one way to get through life Megan Seagram shared, “I've embraced "No " as a complete sentence, am running a successful business alongside my husband and partner, and am surrounded by an amazing community of people who love me for me, not for what I do for them.” And Christie Thompson responded with ”I've landed in a career I'm really proud of and work alongside people who inspire me and make me laugh.”

Surprising Our Younger Selves

-Jane Greenwood

My younger self would feel compassion, marvel at the road I walked, and throw a fist bump.

On The People Who Matter

One of the most rewarding things about spending time with women who are interested in personal growth, is that they truly understand what is most important When asked about milestones and things that matter, they respond with depth and truth and often about the people in their lives vs material things or great accomplishments Caryn Foster Durham is looking forward to spending time with the most important people in her life, “much needed couple time, girlfriend getaway, family time, and me time ” In a similar vein Judi Fox

said she is “looking forward to more time and fun moments with my son as he gets older and creating more memories with loved ones ” Melissa Kitto is “enjoying more support from a healthy romantic partner who loves me as I am and is not trying to control or change me as I experienced for years in the past ” And when looking forward, Angela Knight reminds us to be excited for, "the surprises that the future holds " You truly never know who or what will come in to your life

On Where We Go From Here

We’ve all learned by now that we cannot control what happens next, but that doesn’t stop us from looking forward There is a spirit of optimism inside our community and the things we are moving towards are all as unique as the individuals who come together through Rebelle Kyli Bingham Hossen is “looking forward to growing my business and hiring help!”

Because she knows we can’t do it all on

our own Megan Seagram knows in her future she will be “traveling more as our business continues to evolve and align with our ideal lifestyle and schedule ” Anna Koehle is ready for “the day when I resign from my full-time job because I have built my business enough to no longer need to work for someone else ” And in a lesson to all of us Katy Stuck reminds us that we should all be “continuing to find new ways to surprise ourselves and have more fun ”

-Angela Knight

I have learned that no matter what we plan for or believe will happen in the future, it rarely turns out that way.

Fat Rabbit Cakes opened their doors in early 2022 in the old Pomona Plants location after owner, Ellyn, spent many years leading pastry teams at Richmond staples WPA Church Hill and Stella’s Grocery

LOCAL LOVE

Four hidden gems that you must visit and return to.

Richmond, Virginia is a city where local businesses can truly thrive, especially with the unwavering support of people like Elaine Digges, known on instagram as @MISS ELAINE NEOUS (miscellaneous)

After coming to Richmond for college (Go Spiders!), graduating, and moving to The Fan, she was looking for a place to find all the cool events happening in the city

When she couldn’t find the resource she needed, she created one for herself! Her goal with her blog and instagram account is to help others find their fun through small business events Her tagline is “Don’t just be local LIVE Local ”

We asked Elaine, where should we be exploring next?

Shop: Accoutre

Neighborhood: Manchester This shop curates much more than tools for the well-appointed home Rob Bland takes excellent care of you, making every visit a conversation

Eat: Fat Rabbit Cakes

Neighborhood: Union Hill Ellyn’s bakery hosts the best homemade breakfast treats which is a sweet intro into her decadent cakes she is famous for

Gift: Brookland Park Flowers & Gifts Neighborhood: Northside This store’s mission is to make any host or hostess feel like they can entertain with an array of fabulous home goods & floral arrangements

Savor: Truckle Cheese Bar

Neighborhood: The Fan Coming soon, this incredible cheese shop is expanding to a fun snack and small plates place (of course, with a cut-to-order cheese counter too)

career

What does confidence look like?

by:SundieMarquardt

When I was 27, I was hired by a communications company to train doctors and specialists to learn the art of public speaking. The common misconception is that if you’re an expert in a field, then surely you can speak on that topic too, right? Well, as you can imagine - that’s not actually the case!

Let’s back up for a second: I was hired to coach them to be expert speakers. Did I mention I was just 27?! Though I went through a rigorous, 6 month training by an amazing mentor and trainer, (Mark Mcgrath, who is a really big part of why I am where I am today!) needless to say, I will not go into all the details of how hard it was for me to believe I could do this It was a challenge

Back to the doctors It was time for my very first training, where the plan was for me to fly to Miami and train 25 neurologists on communication. I was absolutely terrified! There was no way I could show up, and then be the expert Wouldn’t they know it was my first time training? I felt intimidated because not only were they smart, but they worked on the brain for God’s sake!

I’ll never forget what Mark told me as I worried: “Sundie, you are not a doctor. No one is asking you to be, but you are an expert in your field These doctors have never spent 6 months working on presentation skills alone ” Then he said, “Go out and buy an outfit you feel great in, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are an expert. Then when it’s time to present, walk up to the front of the room, find your center, connect with your first pair of eyes . . . and begin. The rest will follow.”

It’s no surprise that he was completely right! Over time as I applied the skills I learned, my confidence grew and grew It didn't just grow my confidence professionally, but it also changed me personally

In fact, when I heard Amy Cuddy share in her TedTalk the idea of, “Fake it ‘till you become it,” I couldn't believe she was talking about the exact thing I had personally experienced back in Miami all those years ago! In her talk, she goes on to share that if we change our confidence externally, then over time, we’ll begin to change our inner confidence The result? We’ll begin to look and feel more confident.

Since that weekend in Miami, I’ve dedicated most of my personal and professional experience to learning and training on confidence Over time, I’ve learned that there are 5 key skills you need to know to lean into confidence

These skills are a great foundation, and can be used in many settings in our lives, like when you are networking, leading a team meeting, delivering a presentation, talking 1 on 1 with your manager, interviewing and really, any interaction in your everyday life where you want to show up confidently

EYES: 1 TO 1, FINISH THE THOUGHT

Connect with people using your eyes. Especially when you’re speaking to a group, look directly at one person in the room or the table you’re at, connect, and where there is a natural pause you move to another person Keep doing this as you talk The outcome is simple: each person you look at will feel like you are really connecting with them.

VOICE: PROJECT TO ANIMATE

Our voice keeps people interested. If our pitch or volume is too high, people check out. The same if our tone it's too low or loud. People want variety with natural highs and lows For example, if I am motivating a group, I might want to speed up and when I am making a point then slow down again to make the next point Another example: make sure you are heard, and don't end your sentences on an “upswing ” This makes you sound like you are questioning yourself. It's the difference between “Hello, my name is Sundie?” versus, “Hello, my name is Sundie.” BOOM! End the sentence.

HANDS: USE THEM AND DROP THEM

Augment what you are saying with your hands Try to avoid locking them in one place like crossing in front, behind your back, or in your pockets. This one is interesting because I notice people naturally use their hands until they are expected to be “on ” Then they forget they have hands all together! Keep that natural use of your hands even in front of people

POSTURE: MOVE WITH PURPOSE

This one is amazing when you nail it! Plant your feet straight, hips width apart with a strong posture and then move when it has a purpose, for example: I might move across a room or a stage to emphasize something The key is to not move to create energy, as that’s actually a distraction Put your energy into your voice, and be intentional about what you are doing with your posture and stay in control of it.

CONNECTORS: SEARCH IN SILENCE

First, what are connectors? Connectors are the filler words we use like uh, um, so, and, or okay I like to say our brain is a search engine and when we are looking for what to say we go into the connector zone to find our next thought It actually becomes a nervous habit. Instead, train yourself to own the pause and search for your next thought in silence. There is power in a pause!

If you are thinking “How do I do all of this?!,” You don't! Pick just one to focus on for now Begin by intentionally working on, thinking through and practicing one until you feel it has become a habit

Here’s a tip: practice in comfortable settings, like out to dinner with friends Here you can think to yourself, “I am going to work on using my eyes and connecting more intentionally during conversations tonight ”

Artist At Home

As someone who found her creativity later in life, I have always admired visual artists, like Shana Blakley. She is a creator who uses materials to make something beautiful and thought provoking out of pieces of things put together just so. It all feels mysterious and interesting. Is she wired to see the world differently from me? Where do her creative ideas come from? How does she harness them? I had to know all of these answers and then some.

I may never truly understand the feeling of making a piece that can be framed and hung on a wall, but what I can understand is thinking your life is going to go a certain way and tragedy showing up and redirecting.

Shana made her art her business after a personal family tragedy, the loss of her son, October, at 39 weeks Her story has inspired a community of people who have experienced loss, and her work is bringing beauty and joy to spaces across the country

Enjoy this conversation with Shana Blakley of Figure Form

Block printing is wonderful because it’s something you can do in segments and return to just as you left it It’s the kind of art I need right now because it allows me the flexibility to create multiple one-of-a-kind pieces in short spurts

R: You are a stay at home mom of two small children, Hue and Elm, and also running a business, Figure Form, creating and selling artwork full-time. How is that going?

It’s definitely chaos–haha–but somehow it works, probably because it has to Hue will be 4 in November and Elm is newly 1, so right now it’s one of those “the only way is through” sort of things I do realize though how incredibly fortunate I am to be able to work creatively doing something I love in the comfort of my own space while spending as much time as I’d like with my children Because I don’t really have a separation between Figure Form and home life, it’s a constant juggle between my kids' needs and all of the aspects of running a business To get work done, I have to make sure I have an agenda for the day, if only a loose one, which plays to my virgo personality well However, I don’t have a lot of room for organic creativity at the moment That’s okay though–this is just a season of Figure Form and we ’ re making it work

R: You shared about the loss of your son, October, at 39 weeks. How did it feel to make this part of your life so visible?

Ah, so many emotions– anxious, proud, vulnerable, grateful, complicated. I’ve always been open in talking about October, but the video I posted on social media was the most visually-detailed and raw I’ve shared. It has taken my husband, Matt, and I by surprise how quickly the video soared and has resonated with people both within and outside the child loss community We’ve been overwhelmed by the loving response, which has made the share so worth it It can be confusing for me to think about October in the context of Figure Form, because without losing him my art business wouldn’t exist However, that’s not a silver lining, and I don’t want it to be construed that way–it’s just a fact The loss of October has brought me so much I am so grateful for my life now, and something will always be missing– both can be true.

R: You haven't always been an artist by profession, how did you begin to make the transition from one career to another?

I’ve always been into art and crafting, but never had any formal training. I actually went to school for social work and was a licensed clinical social worker practicing as a therapist for children and families When October died, I wasn’t emotionally able to return to that work, so I started a work from home position and sort of holed myself up in our office I started watercoloring using my cup of coffee as a way to keep my mind silenced from obsessive thoughts and pass time throughout the day I loved the way the coffee created the perfect nut-brown hue, and it smelled so good on the paper I was focused on painting the body, and now looking back, it was perhaps because of my complicated relationship with my own body and all it did and didn’t do when October passed.

I’m fortunate to have a partner who currently works a more traditional 9-5 job, which really helps me continue to rationalize the ups and downs of owning an art business– something I never would have thought for myself. I’m also lucky to have my own studio space in our home, which came with its own sacrifices (moving out of the city and into suburbia, which isn’t really our scene, but it’s a great “ now”).

R: What are you most proud of?

In terms of my work, the October Print is the most meaningful piece of artwork I’ve created Matt and I actually spent weeks collaborating on the design We wanted to make a special piece of art to commemorate Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month this year (October) which will mark 5 years without our October

The piece is a rich ochre color (an autumnal ode to our son) and depicts the journey of pregnancy and loss as landscape We hope the artwork gives a sense of connection and comfort to those that have experienced child and/or parenthood loss

In terms of myself, it’s been a really eventpacked and emotional five years. They’ve held the most growth, both personally and professionally, than any other years of my life I got married, moved to a new city and set down roots, birthed a child, buried a child, quit a career, ignited a passion, started a creative business, birthed two more children, and all the moments in between I’ve become stronger, more selfassured, and more purposeful as a person, and I feel really proud of my forward growth and the life Matt and I continue to create for our family

R: What are you looking forward to?

I’m looking forward to the October Print being showcased on a broader scale during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month My hope is that the artwork speaks to the experience of anyone on a journey of loss, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, infant death, and/or infertility, and reminds them they are not alone. A portion of the sale of each piece will be donated to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a nonprofit that provides "the power of remembrance" through photography for families who have lost children They were there for us and our baby in ways we couldn’t be, and they gave us one of the only physical things we have left of him– his memory in photos

Also, I’d be remiss not to mention that the holidays are always an exciting time of year for small businesses I’ll have some fun new offerings at multiple price points: make-yourown-ornament kits, block print stationary, and, fingers crossed, tote bags I’m really looking forward to vending at a few of my favorite holiday markets in Richmond!

R: What type of support do you have that makes this lifestyle work for your family?

Figure Form has had a slow-but-steady evolution, and I now have a few years of business experience under my belt I know that each month will look a little different in terms of my offerings, sales, and my productivity, and that’s okay because it’s always been okay I’ve put systems in place over time that help me feel supported during the inevitable ebb and flow of owning a business

What Do You Love About Your Job?

We asked our network on LinkedIn, "What do you love about your job?" And the answers were so refreshing

So often, we take to social media to share our frustrations with things going wrong or document life's most photographic moments, but having real conversations about things going well, seems to be lost in the highs and lows of it all

Meaningful Connections

I absolutely LOVE the deep

Supporting Clients

I LOVE watching my client's shoulders release the tension they've been holding as the loneliness of leadership starts to fade away

-Lane

Meaningful Work

I love solving problems that matter I love supporting the growth of healthy people, teams, and organizations And I love having the privilege to care for myself and my loved ones well through my work.

-Amy

Cutting Edge Research

I love that I get to participate in cutting edge research and development that

by: staci backauskas

When I heard a life coach talk about burning her journals, I literally felt my heart stop Years and years of pouring my heart and soul onto paper –from expensive leather-bound diaries to dollar store composition books – and you want me to burn them? Blasphemy!

It took a few months, but the more I sat with the idea, I began to embrace it. Was there a point to memorializing my angst, fears, and anger? Because, let’s face it, most journals aren’t filled with tales of skipping through fields of daisies while sipping a martini

What was I really holding onto?

So, I did it! Years of angst literally up in flames. It was one of the most freeing experiences I’ve ever had I continued to journal but grew bored with my own “stuff,” so I stopped But I really missed the ritual I mentioned it to my therapist, and she suggested I do a brief morning check-in instead.

As I experimented, it felt like the Universe walked along side me, making suggestions and providing experiences that showed me there was more to it than a simple, “Hey, how are you doing today?”

Over the next six months, I developed a morning check-in process I could complete in ten minutes that focused on being honest with myself about how I felt and what I needed This leveled up my self-care game in ways I never could’ve imagined, and eventually led to writing the book, The 10-Minute Self Care Journal, How to Level Up Your Self-Care Game in 10 Minutes A Day.

By using this journal as a tool, you can go at your own pace – do it every day or a couple of times a week – whatever feels good to you As long as you’re consistent you will experience results that empower you to care for yourself at the highest level so you can Live your destiny, not your fate.

For me, the point of journaling now is to connect with my true self To increase the odds of showing up in life as the best version of myself, not only for me but for those who matter most Using this journal grounds me, reminds me of what’s important, and empowers me to set and maintain boundaries that protect my mental and physical health.

The 10-Minut Self Care Jour How to Level Your Self-Care Game in 10 Minutes A Da

Now available amazon.

TenWaystoIncreasePleasure FromaSexTherapist

I have the unique pleasure of helping people discover and tune into their sexuality, sensuality, and desire While each person has their own erotic language, so many people quietly struggle with the same issues in the bedroom Here are some of the common problems that I treat in my practice, and helpful resources that I wish everyone would have!

CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT!

Before you can relax into pleasure, your body needs to feel safe. You must be able to give full consent to the sex that you are having, with a partner that respects you, your body, your wants, needs and desires The absence of “no” is not “yes”, and “yes” is not a blank check for anything and everything once you start Consent is an ongoing dance, where you and your partner are in-tune and conscious about the wellbeing of the other You should be able to stop at any time without punishment (mental, physical, or emotional). No matter the relationship style or arrangement, consent is critical for sexual safety and the foundation of pleasure. All sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable

KNOW YOUR VULVA (AND ALL IT'S PARTS)

I mean, really: take a mirror, light a candle, and look at your genitals Get to know what your body looks like, and learn how to speak kindly to and about it. Learn how to stimulate your clitoris and vulva, both solo and with a partner. Allow yourself to feel pleasure- and take your timethere’s no rush. If manual stimulation isn’t going the distance, consider investing in a vibrator The Magic Wand is infamous for its grand slam orgasms, and the book Becoming Cliterate by Dr Laurie Mintz is a must-read for damn near everyone

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

Many people are so distracted by their thoughts during sex that they can’t show up to feel the pleasure Whether worried about work/family/money/politics/pandemic/life, if there’s a lot on your mind it can be nearly impossible to focus on what’s happening in your body. Further, if you’re feeling any anxiety or insecurity about the way your body looks, feels or smells, you can easily block yourself from feeling pleasure Sexual trauma and religious shame are also culprits of disconnecting people from their bodies and forcing them into their heads

Find ways to quiet your thoughts and return to your body so you can fully engage in the sensory experience of sex. Again, ensure you’re with a partner that you feel safe with: emotionally, physically, and sexually. Read the books Come As You Are (Dr Emily Nagoski) and Burnout (Drs Emily and Amelia Nagoski) Suggestions for quieting the mind and returning to the body include meditation, journaling, exercise, or yoga, and of course, therapy

LOSE THE 'FOREPLAY' ATTITUDE

Most of us were raised to believe that intercourse is sex Everything outside of that is just foreplay Sort of like intercourse is the main meal, and everything else is an appetizer (demoting the value of the “appetizers”/ “foreplay”). But have you ever had charcuterie? Hot damn, I’ve had many a charcuterie board that left me so satisfied that I’d even consider it to be the main course Sexperts like Dr Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, propose that we throw out “foreplay” and call it all “coreplay ” All sexual activities that bring about pleasure are equally important; intercourse is just one snack of many in the buffet of sexual pleasure. Pick and choose whatever leaves you feeling satisfied!

GET TO KNOW YOUR "GAS" AND "BREAKS"

In the book Come As You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski explains the dual model of arousal, and uses the metaphor of the gas pedal and brakes of a car She explains that each person has sexual accelerators, or a “gas pedal” that turns them on and a “brake pedal” that shuts arousal down For example, reading an erotic novel can hit someone’s gas pedal. But if a kid knocks on their door while they’re reading it, it slams the brake pedal. People can have a sensitive gas pedal (more easily aroused), a more sensitive brake pedal (quicker to shut down arousal), or a combination of both Learning about how your arousal works can be really helpful with reducing stress and enhancing pleasure

EROTICA, EROTICA, EROTICA!

Many women that I work with are turned off by what they think of as “porn ” It’s not made with their pleasure in mind Luckily, there’s a whole wide world of ethical, feminist erotica, smut and pornography that can help people feel arousal. Some of my favorites include the works of erotic filmmaker Erika Lust, the site Make Love Not Porn, and Dipsea.

PROPS, PROPS, PROPS

There are definitely plenty of seedy-feeling “Adult” stores across America Sticky floors, creepy glances- y’all, I’ve been there However, there are some wonderful sex-positive spaces to learn about and purchase sex toys that can really add pleasure in your life I personally love Taboo in Richmond and goodvibrations.com.

LUBE, LUBE, LUBE!

Another tenant of great sex is a well-lubricated experience Many people assume that they are supposed to self-lubricate. But actually, arousal and lubrication don’t always work together. Using a body-safe lubricant can help to reduce pain and increase pleasure for people during sex. Silicone-based lubricants tend to feel smooth and can last longer than stickier, quick-drying water-based lubes Pro tip: If you’re using a toy or condom, make sure your lube is safe to use with it My go-to lube is Überlube

LEARN FROM SCIENCE

Have you ever wondered how other women feel pleasure? Omgyes com is a fantastic website created by sex researchers that show real women sharing how they touch their bodies to reach orgasm Their techniques are based on a large national study of women across the U S , and the website includes interviews, tutorials, and even the opportunity to practice the movements on a simulated vulva. It’s an incredible resource to help people normalize their pleasure, and find new ways to orgasm.

TRY NEW THINGS

Many people in longer-term monogamous relationships can struggle with bedroom boredom I love to introduce couples to the website www weshouldtryit com where they can fill out a long survey about sexual activities that they might be interested in. For each sexual activity, respondents can indicate if they’d like to try it, by selecting “yes” “maybe” or “no.” The survey links yours to your partner’s, and it will provide a report at the end that shows only the items that you and your partner agree about wanting to try

Bonus: For women who are trans and in need of additional resources, I recommend checking out F*cking Trans Women: A Zine About The Sex Lives of Trans Women by Mira Bellwether.

And of course, if you struggle to feel better about your sex, sexuality and/or pleasure on your own, you can always work with a sex educator sex therapist

Ashley D. Sweet, MA, LPC, LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist and clinical sexologist practicing virtual therapy in Virginia and Florida Ashley has spent her career working in sexual and reproductive health, including 14 years with Planned Parenthood and in a community rape crisis center She’s currently working on a doctoral degree in clinical sexology, while seeing clients in her private practice. Her dissertation work focuses on building a network of pro-choice mental health providers.

4 SPA SERVICES THAT IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH

Melanie Mueller, founder of Scents of Serenity Spas in Richmond, Virginia felt her city was missing a destination atmosphere that offers guests a relaxing and peaceful safe-haven We caught up with her to learn more about her spas and the services they offer that support full body health Learn more at https://scentsofserenityspa.com/

3-In-1 Full Spectrum Sauna

Most saunas only offer far infrared, however our full spectrum saunas are designed with the newest technology and includes all three Mid and far infrared heat starts at a high intensity during this session to increase the body’s core temperature then reduces to a low, comfortable intensity level This infrared combination improves vascular access flow to reach toxins at the cellular level

Seaweed Bath Soaks

A soak in hand-harvested organic seaweed provides deep relaxation and other benefits Seaweed contains easy to absorb minerals such as calcium potassium iodine and zinc which can help relieve sore muscles, alleviate skin irritation, and improve circulation.

SOON TO BE 4 LOCATIONS AROUND RICHMOND

Vagus Nerve Massage

The Vagus Nerve is the longest cranial nerve in the body reaching from the brain to the belly It helps regulate stress, rest and digestion This unique massage experience was created to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and the calming effects of the Vagus Nerve

Platinum HydraFacial

For those who want results oriented skincare and relaxation the HydraFacial covers both This patented treatment incorporates vortex technology both deeply exfoliates the skin and provides the most effective infusion of antioxidants into the skin. This service includes lymphatic drainage to reduce inflammation and puffiness while detoxing your face and increasing circulation

Dresses

An excerpt from the book: Chronic by Christine Rich

Ever since I was a little girl, I have always loved dresses They’re quick, easy and I always feel pulled together and (let’s face it) noticed in a dress

My penchant for dress-wearing started young. There was the empire waist Cabbage Patch number I wore to my 5th birthday party. The red fit & flare dress my aunt bought me when I was nine that floated around me when I spun just like Penny in Dirty Dancing. There were the obvious ones like the head-to-toe teal sequins gown I wore to prom my junior year (with dyed matching shoes thank you very much!) and of course, my wedding dress.

What I realized from a relatively young age is that a dress can be a pretty slick veneer, a costume, a way to present oneself to the world as the kind of girl who is sweet and cute or the kind of woman who is confident and put together.

Just like those women who look like they just stepped out of InStyle magazine on early morning flights. Who are these fancy airport women? How did they manage to pull off hair, make-up, and all that chicness for a 6 a.m. flight? As a kid, I would secretly admire these types of women and dreamed of the day when I too could be a fancy airport woman. And then I became one and realized it wasn’t all that fancy.

After all, there’s nothing fancy about living in a constant state of fear, anger, and denial. And dress or no dress, there is certainly nothing fancy about losing control of one ’ s bodily functions in the middle of a workday.

Or maybe there is if such moments serve as wake-up calls.

One such moment involved a little black dress (LBD) with just the right amount of stretch and perfectly placed pockets A LBD with stretch and pockets is like the holy grail of dresses And this one was comfortable, classic, could be crumpled up in a ball and still be ready to wear within a moment’s notice I loved and wore the hell out of that dress for years

It also happened to be the dress I was wearing when I shit myself A very common, not often discussed, reality of living with Crohn’s disease In the middle of a workday In a fairly crowded Hilton parking lot (Mortifying!)

On a hot summer day wearing open-toed heels (You do the math ) Fancy dress and all

The desecration of my favorite LBD happened the day before I was admitted to the hospital where I would spend a week finally coming to terms with a diagnosis I had been running away from for years I was twenty-nine and never learned how to properly care for my Crohn’s-ravaged body, and more perhaps importantly, my broken spirit (More on this humiliating, life-changing experience later )

The second “life-changing-dress-moment” happened years later while I was wearing a red Calvin Klein shift that fit like a glove (Those fancy airport women would have approved!) It was the day of a big work presentation and I wore red because it was the color of our company logo and I wanted to be “ on brand” when I made my big pitch. I was prepared and ready to present with the ease of a strong, confident, professional woman.

For some reason, I also thought it was a brilliant idea to cram in a quick therapy sesh three hours before my

presentation Did I mention my therapist specializes in trauma healing?

The week prior I sat across from my therapist, Koren, and confessed I felt like my insides didn’t match my outsides I was simultaneously jittery and exhausted a majority of the time There was unsettled energy coursing through my veins, living just beneath the surface She suggested I had some pent-up anger, handed me a piece of rubber hose, and invited me to hit the small punching bag she kept in her office

What I realized from a relatively young age is that a dress can be a pretty slick veneer, a costume, a way to present oneself to the world as the kind of girl who is sweet and cute or the kind of woman who is confident and put together

Um you want me to do what?! No fucking way am I hitting that bag How ridiculous! I’m not angry I’m just a workaholic

“No thank you, ” I smiled and politely declined.

I was thinking about that interaction on the drive to that afternoon’s therapy appointment when I called my husband, Joe. “I know she’s going to try to get me to hit that stupid bag.”

“So hit the bag, Chris.” He made it sound so easy.

“I mean, I want to...I really do. I just don’t think I’m physically able to. It’s like I can’t let go or something,” I fidgeted with the radio while cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder. He suggested that maybe what I needed most was someone to witness my pain. To sit with me while I processed and let it out. Joe always seemed to know what I needed before I did.

And maybe he was right. Maybe I was in pain and needed someone to witness all of my ugly, hot, “unladylike” rage. Maybe I needed to see it too.

Then I showed up to my appointment all prim and proper and instantly started talking myself out of this whole business of “needing a witness.” I mean, what would it solve anyway? It’s not like I was going to tap some lame punching bag and suddenly feel better. I sat down on the couch across from my therapist and secretly hoped she wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe she forgot about my anger and anxiety, and we could have a nice, civilized chat for the next fifty minutes No such luck

Within the first five minutes, she pulled out the punching bag “Do you want to try releasing some of that emotion?” She handed me the hose and nodded toward the bag Resistance started burning in my chest Then I heard Joe’s words ringing in my mind

A witness I need a witness Let her be that witness

“Sure, okay,” I took a breath and grabbed the hose I stood up, smoothed out my red Calvin Klein dress, and gently tapped the bag feeling self-conscious

“Okay good Now hit it harder and let out a deep breath You don’t need to hold back in here ” Koren watched me with her hands folded in her lap as if a grown woman hitting a punching bag was the most normal thing in the world to observe

No need to hold back What an unusual concept I trained myself to hold back all of my big, uncomfortable feelings for so long It was time to let go It was clear these feelings weren’t serving me and they sure as hell weren’t going anywhere anytime soon A witness Let her witness you even if it’s raw and messy

After a few whacks, I actually started to get into it. I’d been seeing her for months and had been unable to access any real, true emotion. So, I let go. Red dress and all. I felt uncomfortable and ridiculous at first, but then something started to happen. I started to feel.I started to hit the bag harder and harder as I allowed myself to access the feelings that had been buried inside me for years.

Whack!

“Good, now hit it again and tell me what you ’ re feeling.” “I’m...I’m mad? I think...”Whack!

“No... I’m actually more than mad.” Whack! I began to feel the self-consciousness leave my body.

“I’m PISSED!” Whack!

“Good! Yes! You have every right to be.” Her voice remained calm and soothing. Whack! Whack! Whack!

“Now breathe. Really let it out every time you hit the bag.” She suggested I try yelling out loud each time I hit the bag.

I stopped momentarily and looked at her like she was insane. Koren leaned in as if to tell me a secret. “No one ’ s in the office but you and me. ” She could sense my self-consciousness returning and wanted to reassure me I was safe. A feeling I’d been chasing for decades.

life. I’ve heard therapists say that anger is a secondary emotion; the “bodyguard of sadness.” In that moment, I finally understood firsthand the truth in that statement. Because behind the fancy-airport-woman façade, behind the smiles and each carefully selected dress, was a sad and grieving girl in need of love and care.

Both “dress scenarios” were major a-ha moments in my life. You see, I used to be pretty stubborn and preferred to keep busy in order to avoid all the things I didn’t want to feel. Classic stress response cycle...good old flight, fight, or freeze. Not a great strategy and one I desperately needed to unlearn. It wasn’t until I ran into a few brick walls that I was finally able to see what a mess of things I had made.

I used to be a major “brick wall” kinda gal. Brick walls taught me a lot about loving myself enough to slow down and treat my body like a friend instead of an enemy just because it happens to be different. But a woman can only run into so many brick walls before they crush her. The trick is not to let them form in the first place. Which is a hell of a lot easier said than done.

It helps to remember who we were and what we wanted before we felt the need to hide behind fancy dresses, facades, and brick walls.

I beat the living hell out of that punching bag for the next two minutes making loud grunting noises with each hit. The harder I hit, the louder the grunts. The louder the grunts the harder I hit. I started sweating and could feel what was bubbling beneath the surface starting to break up.

I lost control in the best way possible and eventually broke down sobbing. Tears, snot, and sweat covered my dress and I never felt more free or beautiful in my entire

Christine M. Rich was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at a young age and spent many years trying to hide from and deny the fear, anger, and sadness she felt because of her illness. Chronic is the story of how a serious health scare in her late twenties caused Rich to reevaluate and change her focus to wellness and selflove rather than illness and fear.

So, I closed my eyes, took a breath, and finally let go.

Candles Burning

Candles evoke a mood and a feeling unlike any other element. Fire represents transformation which can be dramatic or simple, devastating or comforting, and it symbolizes beginnings and endings. A candle burning can be a practical tool, a ceremonial symbol, spiritual practice, or decorate and romantic. The way that wax and a wick can create so many different feelings is why we love candles so very much.

There is something about the flicker of a candle flame that makes me feel like I have my life together Maybe it’s because growing up, I had to earn the chance to have candles in my room I proved to be very responsible and it was a great day when I lit my first match and watched the wax pour down the side of the candlestick (until it splattered on the carpet - oops).

Now, I reserve candlesticks for my table settings on holidays and prefer the potted variety to set the mood in my home. And as the air outside continues to change, I look forward to new scents, new settings, and the nostalgic feeling that comes from the colder months, also known as ‘candle season ’ .

Candle For Meditation:

Sydney Hale / Garden Mint - Made in VA

Fresh green mint from your herb garden intertwined with notes of sweet basil and earth 10% of Sydney Hale profits are donated to organizations that support animal rescue

Words by: Shannon Siriano Greenwood Styling by: Molly O'Donnell Photography by: Nick Davis

Candle for Self Care

We agree that self care is more than bubble baths, but please, let’s stop making bath time a bad example about what it means to reset ourselves Space to let your mind rest whether in the bathtub, in a decked out zen den, or in any space that you can carve out for yourself will help you to recenter when you feel off your axis

Candle for Meditation

Have you ever heard of candle gazing? It is a type of meditation where you can keep your eyes open and focus on the flame By now, we understand the benefits of meditation for mental health and wellbeing. And whether you focus on a flame or use your candle to mark the beginning and end of your mindfulness practice, complimenting your meditation with a calming candle can support your experience

Candle For Seance & Rituals:

We may not be experts on calling in wisdom from the spirits in a realm beyond, but we love to explore our witchyness, especially this season Whatever your spiritual practice, candles are used to support important ceremonies and experiences in our lives These can be milestone events like marriages or less discussed occurrences like the gathering of our covens.

Candle For Self Care:

Burn Down for What / Puff Puff Pass - Made in RVA

Grassy, clean and fresh The scent so perfect it should be illegal Handmade, hand poured and nose tested by a group of highly opinionated people

Candle For Seance & Rituals:

Lineage / Sandalwood - Made in Carytown

Warm, clean, and subtle, with a hint of spice Sandalwood is a hard scent to describe but easy to fall in love with It’s a scent that’s been coveted for hundreds of years making this tree prized to this day

FeelGood Playlist

our favorite tracks in the Rebelle Weekly newsletter

Beach Boy Benne

dayaway Cool Water

Anitta feat. Missy Elliott Lobby

Loved

Caroline Polacheck So Hot Your Hurting My Feelings

Maggie Rogers That’s Where I Am

Sofia Valdes In Bloom

Find

4Ways ToEnjoy Darker Months

Thrivinginthisseason.

There’s something wonderful about this time of year - chill in the air, breaking out sweaters, warm mugs in hand and yet, as the days grow shorter and darker it can feel difficult to enjoy the season as we did in the spring and summer The dark days can grate on our hearts a bit It’s both comforting and lonesome.

As I began to consider this idea: the “both/and” this time of year brings, I was reminded of a good word my favorite author

I love what she says, that there’s an opportunity to walk between darkness and light, “without only facing one or the other ” What a beautiful nudge of hope.

What would it look like for us to find light in these darker days? There are certainly many thoughtful ways to consider this internally and practical ideas, too

“I thought about all the ways I tend to look for the brightest light. I want to capture it, hold on to it, keep it close when I sense it sinking away. But the darkness can be a kind companion as well, comforting and still . . . it’s important to find a way to live with both, to find a way to walk between them without only facing one or the other.”

-Emily P. Freeman

01.

Be a beginner

There’s something exciting about trying something new Learning a new skill can bring joy, confidence, and inspiration to the day to day Whether you begin a new hobby like needlepoint, baking, or pottery, take an online or in person class, or try something you have never done before, the benefits of being a beginner are often understated.

Create a space you love

After spending the last few years at home, we all can agree that our spaces matter to our wellbeing Myquillyn Smith, author + Interior Design expert) encourages us to find small ways to bring the season indoors. Think less literally, and more figurativelylike cozy blankets with great texture, candles that remind you of a crackling fire, a playlist that brings you home each day it sounds small, but these little things add up, helping us create a space we love in this season

Seek connection

Make something from scratch

I believe wholeheartedly that the rhythm of chopping vegetables, kneading bread and stirring big pots of soup is so good for the soul Take some time this season to slow down, and consider what sounds nourishing to you Then, make it from scratch You’ll be so glad you did

Maybe most important, but often overlooked feel good activity is seeking connection. It may look like taking a few quiet moments in the morning to set an intention for the day, creating connection with yourself Calling a dear friend on your lunch break, or reading a favorite book to your child at bedtime

Words by: Jacquelyn Duggan

Here are four simple, and practical ways to enjoy this season.

REBELLE BOOK LIST

Mystery

Memoir

Nurse and author Shugri Said Salh's shares her account of her childhood as a nomad in the Somalia desert, where she learned the ways of her clan from her poetess grandmother, and shares of her escape to America

Feminist Dystopia

For readers of The Handmaid's Tale comes a thrilling feminist dystopian novel by C J Carey, set in an alternative history that terrifyingly imagines what a British alliance with Germany would look like if the Nazis had won WWII

Contemporary Fiction

An entrancing and “wildly addictive journey of a reclusive Hollywood starlet” (PopSugar) as she reflects on her relentless rise to the top and the risks she took, the loves she lost, and the long-held secrets the public could never imagine

In 1944 Chicago, a young woman is searching for the truth about her revered older sister’s death, which brings to focus the struggles of one Japanese American family released from mass incarceration during World War II

Historical Fiction

As two women risk everything for love and freedom during the brutal Civil War, their paths converge in New Orleans, where an unexpected encounter leads them to discover that even the most delicate threads have the capacity to save us

Romance

A TV meteorologist and a sports reporter scheme to reunite their divorced bosses with unforecasted results in this charming romantic comedy from the author of The Ex Talk

Find Discussion Guides for these titles and more at bookclubs com

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