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WELCOMING AT WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS
DIVERSE CONGREGATIONS OFFER AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW HOW CHRIST IS WAITING FOR EVERYONE TO KNOW HIM
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BY MARIA HALL
Back in the day, we could more or less presume that any wedding or funeral celebrated in a Catholic church was intended for, and attended by, Catholics. But times have changed. Increasingly, people who attend are not active members of the church.
As a pastoral musician, I consider it a privilege to meet with families who are arranging the music for their wedding or the funeral of a loved one. I’m becoming more aware of the importance of that interaction with them, because for them, church is a foreign place. The truth is that to many people, the sacraments (also including baptism) are no longer familiar rituals. Purely ‘Catholic’ funerals are becoming increasingly rare. Congregations at weddings and funerals are diverse, comprising Catholics, nonpractising Catholics, Christians of other denominations, people of other faiths and people who have no faith at all. People attending might be apprehensive, reluctant, even fearful and the liturgy is likely to be a new experience. This presents us with fresh challenges, which can’t be ignored, but the worst thing we can do is nothing. The church needs, with urgency, to seize the opportunities presented, to welcome and to evangelise.
HOSPITALITY
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.
Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. (Rom 12:13-16)
In any walk of life, the welcome we receive leaves a lasting impression. A smile and a few friendly words can make all the difference. Pope Francis pulled no punches when he said, “We must recognise that if part of our baptised people lack a sense of belonging to the Church, this is also due to certain structures and the occasionally unwelcoming atmosphere of some of our parishes and communities.” (Evangeli Gaudium 63)
We aren’t members of a private club – quite the reverse! Our welcome is necessary and crucial. It starts with simple things like the way the parish phone is answered. In church, it involves saying “hello and welcome”, giving out orders of service, opening doors and indicating the toilets. It might include showing latecomers to their place and helping with the procession at the preparation of the gifts.
It is also essential that these helpers show by example that they are part of the worshipping community. They might be the first encounter someone has ever had with a member of the Catholic Church. How they respond and behave might determine whether or not a person decides to join the church. And the welcome must be for everyone! Christ’s focus was always on those on the margins of society. We must never look at people and think they don’t need a kind word and a smile. The ministry of welcome is more important than ever!
Questions for reflection:
How hospitable is our parish? Does our welcome reflect the Christian message? Do we lead by example? Do we provide opportunities for visitors to take away information; leaflets, prayer cards, etc?
THE LITURGY
It’s very challenging for a presider to cope with a congregation for whom even being in a church building might be alien. And there isn’t an easy answer, but there are lots of things we can do. Firstly, the church community can help by being an active part of the congregation, responsible for leading the postures, gestures, responses and singing. In my parish, funerals are generally at the usual midday Mass, so there is always a good number of regular worshippers. This helps enormously. If this isn’t possible, some guidance is needed from the priest. This might even be a good time to restore the role of commentator. The General Instruction of the Roman Missal still refers to this role, but it was really intended for post-Vatican II Masses where the congregation needed direction.
The commentator… provides the faithful briefly with explanations and exhortations so as to direct their attention to the celebration and ensure that they are better disposed for understanding it. The commentator’s remarks should be thoroughly prepared and notable for their restraint. In performing this function the commentator stands in a suitable place within sight of the faithful, but not at the ambo. (GIRM 105)
Though not its original intention, this is just what such liturgical celebrations need. Note that comments should be brief (very brief!) and not left to chance. It would be worth local bishops’ conferences or dioceses giving guidance on the wording. An order of service is also useful in this situation and reduces the need for spoken words. Written explanations can be really helpful.
I’ve been at too many weddings and funerals where people were left standing because no one told or showed them what to do. I also hear a lot of “please sit or kneel, whatever you are most comfortable with.” Are we not brave enough to ask people to kneel because we are at the most important and solemn part of our service?
One thing we seem to be getting right is the invitation to communion. It’s important to explain that practising Catholics may receive, and others are very welcome to come forward for a blessing. I see many approaching for a blessing, which is a good sign that the invitation works.
Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (Col 4:2)
It would also be pastorally appropriate, on such occasions, to give a personal welcome to those most closely involved. Mentioning people by name shows care and concern which are crucial at such emotional times in our lives. This can be extended to those who are reading, who should also receive guidance and reassurance beforehand.
The homily, in addition to being crucial in explaining the Scriptures, is a perfect opportunity to make the liturgy personal, relevant and meaningful, and to explain what we believe and how our faith is relevant in our lives. People say that religion is immaterial in the modern world and of course we know differently, but rarely have the chance to say why. This is a golden opportunity to reach out to people who might otherwise never step into a Catholic church. Pope Francis says:
The homily can actually be an intense and happy experience of the Spirit, a consoling encounter with God’s word, a constant source of renewal and growth… it has special importance due to its eucharistic context: it surpasses all forms of catechesis as the supreme moment in the dialogue between God and his people which lead up to sacramental communion. (Evangelii Gaudium, 135)
It can make or break a service! The homily must be directed to those who are listening; it must explain simply and clearly; it must use words that people understand and be short and to the point – a difficult but desperately important task.
The prayers of the faithful are another way of personalising the celebration in an appropriate way. They can include intentions for family members who have died, those who have cared for the deceased or helped the married couple in a significant way, and meaningful causes that are close to their hearts. They can also mention local and world events that might be relevant.
There are other, more practical issues that can spoil a celebration. The microphones (especially radio mics) should be tested to make sure everyone can hear clearly, the heating should be on and there should be enough orders of service or hymn books.
Questions for reflection:
Do we call people by their name? Is the funeral/wedding homily directed to its listeners? Are visitors guided appropriately through the liturgy and made to feel included?
MINDSET
Responsibility for all of this can’t just lie with the parish priest and a small group of faithful welcomers. We all have a role to play in creating evangelising communities, and that comes firstly through prayer and reflection on Scripture. Faith and trust in the Holy Spirit is essential. Pope Benedict XVI said, “the true activity comes from God and only by inserting ourselves into the divine initiative, only begging for this divine initiative, shall we too be able to become – with him and in him – evangelisers.” We must strive to be good disciples and then we must go out and make disciples of others.
Questions for reflection:
Does our parish community know what it is to evangelise? Do we reflect the love of Christ in our words and actions to visitors? Someone said evangelism will never be comfortable or convenient. In our parish, are we going the extra mile?
At weddings and funerals, we are presented with an amazing opportunity to show and explain how Christ is waiting for everyone to know him, and also how the liturgy is the source and summit of our lives, in grief and celebration. Both clergy and laity should be chomping at the bit to evangelise and to spread the Good News!
An evangelising community is filled with joy; it knows how to rejoice always. It celebrates every small victory, every step forward in the work of evangelisation. Evangelisation with joy becomes beauty in the liturgy, as part of our daily concern to spread goodness. The Church evangelises and is herself evangelised through the beauty of the liturgy, which is both a celebration of the task of evangelisation and the source of her renewed self-giving. (Evangelii Gaudium 24)
