5 minute read
JIM DEEDS
WITH EYES WIDE OPEN
JIM DEEDS THE LITTLE RED BOOK
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REDISCOVERING THE VALUE AND BEAUTY OF A CHILDHOOD TREASURE
When I was young I found transitions difficult. I was an anxious wee being, and change often triggered that anxiety. Moving from primary school to secondary school was one such transition I faced, way back in 1983. I had been at primary school for the previous seven years and I had grown to love being there. Still, after primary seven I had to move on.
I didn’t move too far. St Mary’s Christian Brothers Grammar School, my new educational home for the next seven years, was only a half mile further up the road. But of course moving school is not only about moving building, and while it was nearby, the new school was a million miles from the experience of being the big fish in the wee pond of primary school. I was now the tiniest of wee fish in the big pond of ‘big boys’ school’. Being an anxious sort of person, I struggled to settle into the new school, with its huge building, new uniform and strange subjects. I looked for reassurance at that time from my mother, who helped me enormously to cope with this difficult transition. Another source of reassurance was a book of the New Testament and Psalms which we were given at the start of our first year. It was red in colour and small enough to fit comfortably into the pocket of our school blazer.
I took it home with me and I remember reading and reading it, marvelling particularly at the Jesus story. I would sit and imagine myself back there in Galilee witnessing all the miraculous works of Jesus and hearing his words – words I didn’t fully understand but which seemed to tell of a God who loved all of God’s children and gave us the reassurance of eternal life in heaven. How those sentiments were like a balm on my wound of anxiety! And how Jesus’ words of peace were at odds with the society around me, with bullets and bombs shattering lives and buildings on a daily basis. Still, the words from the Bible were of comfort to me, and I settled well into my new surroundings.
I read the little book so much that the pages began to come loose. Eventually I put it away in one of the drawers in my bedroom for safekeeping. And life went on.
As I grew through school and on into the world of work, I went through a period where I lost the practice of my faith. I didn’t stop believing, per se. I said my prayers. But I stopped going to Mass and lost touch with Scripture, with the Jesus story that had so captured me in my school days. I was, as Pope Francis describes it, in the spiritual desert for almost a decade.
However, 20 or so years ago, having got married and when my children were only babies, I felt a stirring within me. It’s hard to describe it now as anything other than a prompting of the Spirit or a call from God to come home. But that’s me speaking about it now. Then, I just knew that something wasn’t right with me and something was missing. All this came around the start of Lent that year. And so, from some deep part of my memory banks, I recalled the little red book of the New Testament and Psalms. I resolved to dig it out and to begin to read it, one page per day, as my Lenten promise. It had been years since I’d done anything for Lent, and then it was always a matter of giving something up. I would forgo chocolate or crisps or milk in my coffee. While there’s nothing at all wrong with doing these things, I must admit that I never emerged from Lent any more spiritually aware or particularly well prepared for Easter as a result. I had never before thought of taking something up for Lent. So this was quite a departure for me and, looking back, it was quite an important moment in my life.
I went to my parents’ house and dug around in the little memory box my mum kept of some things from my (and my siblings’) childhood. Sure enough, wise woman that she is, she had kept the little red book.
That Lent the most remarkable thing happened. I began with the Gospel of Matthew, taking it one page per day. However, I quickly found that I was once again captured by the Jesus story. I started to read a couple of pages per day. Then I started to read a chapter per day. I moved on to Mark and read the whole Gospel in a few days – Mark is written with such pace and action! Before the end of Lent, I had got through all of Matthew, Mark and Luke, and had delved into the depths of the Gospel of John. I found that Easter to be one that I was really ready for. I purposely read the Passion and Resurrection narratives from all four Gospels ahead of Holy Week and went back to Mass that Easter Day. Little did I know then, but the seeds of my current vocation working in ministry and writing books on the spiritual life were sown that Lent in the rediscovery of the little red book that had brought me comfort in my anxious times as a schoolboy.
Lent is upon us again. What might we rediscover this year that would allow us to grow spiritually as we journey towards Holy Week? Could we take on something small and allow it to be a seed of faith that grows within us? I’m up for trying. Will you join me?
The author’s wee red book
