How to desire your partner the same as the first day

By Dr. Nancy Álvarez

Man has lived obsessed with how to retain and intensify desire, and thus escape the routine when making love, feeling desired and wanting forever, as much as the first day or the honeymoon. It is a topic as old as humanity. Currently, the issue that most worries sexologists is the lack of desire, something that was common in women. But, today it is becoming an epidemic in men. To do? Why is this happening?

Traders invade us with all kinds of “strategies”, techniques, creams and pills that generally promise what they don’t deliver. In the case of women, it is worse. Understanding female desire is much more complicated than you think, because she has many more demands. The man, for the most part, is an erect penis walking through life, in addition to being an emotional illiterate. The desire for him tends to be simpler. He has been brought up separating love from sex. Almost everyone gets turned on even with a broomstick in a miniskirt. But, what happens when they have a stable partner and their desire begins to wane?

The lack of desire has caused many pharmaceutical companies to investigate to offer “a pill that solves that problem.” Nothing is further from reality. This only denotes the lack of knowledge about sexuality, the relationship and the depth of the emotional bond in significant relationships.

The woman, addicted to romance, has more demands and complications to maintain and express her sexual desire. The fathers of sexology,William Master andVirginia Johnson, ignored desire in the sexual response cycle. They started with excitement. Helen Kaplan makes changes to the cycle, starting with desire and then arousal. Basson proposes a first phase: intimacy, sexual stimulation, arousal, adequate evaluation of arousal, desire, satisfactory sexual experience, intimacy... and the cycle begins again. As we can see, the female sexual response has four steps before arriving at desire, while the man begins with that step. Being the majority of men emotionally illiterate, how the hell are they going to have tools to create and maintain intimacy, something essential for women to feel the longed for sexual desire?

John Gray already said it: man reaches affection through sex, and woman reaches sex through affection. No wonder desire is the great unknown. My conception is even deeper: unfair relationships, our emotional backpacks, the experiences lived in our families, in relationships with our parents and in turn in how our parents related, deeply mark sexuality and, above all, desire. The struggle for power, the great gender injustices, ragingly swallowed, and not fulfilling our needs to feel loved, cared for and understood, have more to do with desire than the “famous” products that supposedly increase sexual desire. Down with aphrodisiacs! Up the love and the quality of deep bonds!