Stop praising men for the bare minimum

By Caitlin Beard

In December 2019, international musician Harry Styles appeared on the cover of Vogue, donning a floor-length, ruffly Gucci dress and making history as the first male Vogue cover model, wearing a traditionally “feminine” frock, no less. Styles’ fashion statement served as a social commentary on restrictive gender norms and toxic masculinity, defined as manliness that; glorifies stoicism, strength and dominance. Initially, I was thrilled at this step towards deconstructing strict binary gender expression and ready to contribute to the gushing admiration taking over my social media. However, after several months of reflection, I began to feel angry about the continued showering of praise and adoration Styles received simply for wearing a dress on a magazine cover. I realized that my bitterness stemmed from the revelation that Styles had become an unattainable, ideal paragon of the perfect man. Many people revered him just because they viewed his fashion statement as a symbol of his commitment to defying toxic masculinity. After my epiphany, I became aware of how often women, in my own life and in the media alike, excessively praise men for the most ridiculously basic behaviors.

“He’s so nice to his mom,” “He’s so good with kids” or “He actually communicates his feelings” are common exclamations from women conditioned to desire only the bare minimum from men. In traditional heteronormative family systems, where men occupy the role of the “provider” and “bread-winner,” and women are expected to do literally everything else, society applauds men as attentive parents and partners for completing the occasional chore or hour of childcare, or really, anytime they exhibit any ounce of gentleness, thoughtfulness or selflessness that is not in the form of financial support or displays of physical strength.

But as women, have we ever taken a step back from our horribly sexist society and asked ourselves: why do we insist on practically handing men gold medals every time they show even a scrap of human decency? Not only does this mindset sell men short of their potential, but it also normalizes abusive and toxic behaviors, causing women to tolerate unhealthy behaviors from their male partners, bosses, coworkers and family members.

Although society misleads us to believe that empathy, kindness and gentleness are characteristics limited