NOW HEAR THIS

Turn a Deaf Ear to Criticism Until Your Line is Crossed

The best way to answer criticism may be not to answer at all. Ignoring the remark denies it credence. No one of an astute head is going to indulge in such accusations anyway. Don’t go there.

But an issue every official must face is: Where do I draw the line? What is my breaking point? Going into a game with a pretty good notion of how you’ll respond (and playing several scenarios in your head as a form of “dress rehearsal”) is a sensible way to arm yourself for combat.

Decide for yourself whether or not you’re going to allow a coach to slip into an adversarial mode. Be resolute. Then make a conscious choice of how adversarial you want to be. It’s possible to persuade a coach, to deflect his or her irritation and deal with anger by refusing to fall into anger yourself.

A key – as obvious as it may be –is to avoid making the situation worse by extending the argument. Such phrases as, “I just call the rules; I don’t write ‘em,” or, “Coach your team and let me officiate,” will get you nowhere. Empathy in the way of, “I hear you, coach,” or even a simple, “I see your point,” may not get the coach off your back, but it won’t throw gas on the fire. That’s not to suggest words will always mollify a person bent on aiming a tirade at you. But a steadfast refusal to erupt can help you employ charm instead of retaliation.

Here is a hint: Try addressing upset individuals as though they were real persons. That is, adopt a conversational tone and deliver your response in soft, measured cadences.

Let’s say you’ve pulled the trigger and attempts to reduce or eliminate the harangue haven’t worked. What should you do when a person losing control has to have the last word and won’t submit to your authority peaceably?

There is value in letting the coach have the final say. It affords a measure of “saving face.” How is the other coach dealing with the opponent’s hostility? Are fans in an uproar? Do circumstances warrant an ejection, technical or other sanction?

One philosophical stance is that coaches and players, behaving irrationally, basically penalize or eject themselves. In your own case, consider the kind of language you’ll tolerate, and decide for yourself in advance where you’ll draw the line and how you’ll announce it. “Coach, that’s enough. You’ve made your point. I’m going to end the discussion right now.” And then move away as far as possible to prevent any further dialogue. If the angry person must shout the criticism, the situation is not likely to last long.

Two things you can say to yourself are helpful. One is that you don’t want to build a reputation as being belligerent, intolerant or quick-tempered. It’s not a way to gain respect. The second thing is to tack on the second penalty (ejection) without a display of emotion. Try to curtail any flamboyant demonstration. If you can do it with a touch of understatement, that in itself will demonstrate your poise and underscore your dignity. It’s not easy to do, but such behavior is worth striving for.

When should you initiate a conversation? There are several times during a game when it can be a good time to have some positive communication with the coach and use the interaction to improve your credibility. Recognizing those times and knowing just what to say, however, can be an art form.

During the heat of battle, coaches are mentally juggling a lot of issues, so listening to what you have to say usually ranks far down the list. Still, the mechanics of some sports require you to pass along important information to a coach (e.g. “Coach, that was your last timeout,” or, “You have one mound visit left.” Even if their mind is elsewhere and they