GIVE ME LOVE

Giving and receiving love looks different for everyone, with each of us having our own love language. But let’s break down what practicing those love languages actually looks like.

By Julianne Kotch

Most people have probably heard something about love languages. But do we actually know what to do with them?

Gary Chapman was the first to coin the term “love languages.” Chapman, an American author of “The Five Love Languages,” studied anthropology and the connections between different languages. He emphasized that “we must learn the language of those [with] whom we wish to communicate.”

In order to “speak” our partner’s love language, we must first learn about love languages. Oftentimes, our primary love language differs from our partner’s, so it is important for us to understand it to make our partners feel loved.

When you give people examples of love languages, “people can have a ‘light bulb moment,’ and more quickly understand how they give and receive love,” says Marcia Baruch, a mental health clinician from Mount Laurel, New Jersey.

There are five different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Chapman breaks each love language down so we can know what we relate to specifically.

WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

At the most basic level, these are verbal compliments. For example, you could say, “You look really nice today” to your partner, and, if their primary love language is words of affirmation, they will feel loved by you. Using words that build your partner up or encourage them is extremely important. The way we say things is also crucial. Words can have different meanings depending on how they’re said. So, speak to your partner kindly and be open to really listening to them. As long as you respond to them with kindness and sincerity, they will feel supported.

QUALITY TIME

Give your partner your complete, undivided attention. We can all easily spend time with our partners watching TV, but the focus isn’t on your partner, it’s on the television. Quality time could be spent simply taking a walk or playing a game together. The emphasis is on “quality” when we talk about this love language.

As someone in a long distance relationship, Temple University senior Olivia Sormaz knows all about the importance of quality time. “It’s easy to get lost in our own lives, so facetiming and making sure that we respond to each other’s texts is important when we can’t spend that in-person quality time together,” says Sormaz. Really taking the time to listen to your partner and reacting with questions or genuine comments about what they’re talking about will mean everything to them. Take the time to be fully present with your partner.

RECEIVING GIFTS

This love language can be expressed in a handful of different ways. Gifts are a way to remind your partner that you’re thinking about them. For example, if you’re on a trip without your partner, bring them a souvenir. It’s the thought and the physical showcase of love that really makes your partner feel cared for.

There is also the gift of your presence. If your partner is having a tough time, being physically there for them is so important. Give the gift of yourself. Be there to support your partner and show them you love them.

ACTS OF SERVICE

Do something for your partner that you know they would enjoy. Gabby Gecas, a Temple University junior, talks about the difference between her and her partner’s love languages. “I like to give rather than receive,” says Gecas when talking about acts of service. Cooking for your partner or taking your dog on a walk are examples of service acts that you can perform to show your partner you love them. If they are stressed and have a list of tasks to do, take some of those on yourself. I promise, your partner will love you even more for it. For the person with this primary love language, actions speak louder than words.

PHYSICAL TOUCH

This has often been a way to show love and emotional connection. For people who have this as their primary love language, light touches and physical intimacy are ways to tell your person you love and care for them. For these people, touch is much more important than a compliment. Learn the ways in which your partner likes to be touched, and in turn, you will learn how they like to be loved.

“Relationships are tough at times, and anything that can clarify what people need out of a relationship, themselves, and others is always good,” says Baruch.

So, start reviewing the love languages and see how you and your partner give and receive love. It will make your bond with them grow even stronger than before.