NOW AT @ M a tt Thomson A rtwork Gal lery BOSL INNOVATION PAVILLION

Matt was born at a young age.

As a child he was a lonely sad young thing.

His mother was in labor with him for so long, she was shaved twice till the midwife removed her tights and, pop, there he was.

He was frequently alone and his only companion, Kitty the identity crisis dog, would only lick his face if he was covered in sausage meat.

His mum would feed him his meals using a slingshot.

Even officialdom would neglect him by refusing him a birth certificate and his only acknowledgment of his sad beginning was a note from a condom maker that started with the words:

“OMG WERE SOOOO SORRY…”

His school days were no better. He got into college only to be used as a shelf. In a vain attempt to gain validity he offered his body to science and science rejected it.

So he entered the long dark coffee time of the soul and became an artist, so poor the mice would picket the traps in his two bedroom tent.

Then one day he had an epiphany, but tablets cleared that up and he vowed to lay off curry.

He would enter Second Life, a land free of vagina candles and Greta Thunbergs BO .

His art would become like Tourettes on a canvas, no meaning , no reason no profound mind set just stuff on a canvas ( and yes I do this R L to) artists that paint abstract and say pretentious stuff like this is Granny dreaming of rogering Bugs Bunny while watching big Bird lap dancing on the Cookie monster while the Ghost of Prince sings we are the world in Turkish irritate me so much what’s wrong with just saying it’s a fit of color, that just wants to please the eye, warm the soul and clear the colon.

So here I am, bad mesh and all, he doesn't care who he is, what he does, or that he farts.

I am Warm easy going Mad mebbe but when your baby stroller had shutters fitted for 5 years what the frik ya Expecting me to turn out Like Stephen Hawking

After all

I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? Douglas Adams if you’re still awake

Thank you for reading

Artist, photographer, writer, cake trainer,

caffeine wrangler.

If your not,