REINA Dallas Magazine - July 2011 by CaSandra Storay

     For Women | About Women | By Women

JULY 2011

Cover: Meet the Women of Dallas iNspirHER The Business Butch

The Pink Elephant: Ask Jody Square Biz

How do masculine women overcome aesthetic challenges in the workplace?

Spill The T: A Look Inside Trans Men You think you know, but you have no idea.

See No, Hear No, Speak No…Gay This IS church…so where do I, a lesbian, fit in, or do I not fit at all?

For sponsorship opportunities, please contact us at advertise@reinamag.net. Alpha Thomas Photographed by Chris Morgan

JULY 2011 | ISSUE 1

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   22 See No, Hear No, Speak No...Gay 11 The Business Butch 39 A Look Inside Trans Men 44 The Pink Elephant

Ruby Scott 18 Modern Family

Tan Champion

Fahari Arts Institute: Season 3

13 Cambia: Bridging the Gap 15 Lessons in Love

20 Jurni Rayne 25 Do You Believe 38 Shades Retreat 41 Fashion

     Words do not express how grateful I am for the support I have been receiving for this magazine. When I started this journey, I didn’t know what to expect like would the Black Dallas LGBT community embrace my vision and join me? I have met so many fantastic people through this process. For me, I have uncovered this jewel of a hidden community full of talented, smart, community minded women, Black women, Black lesbian women. I hope you enjoy the sweat and tears poured into this project; my baby. I wanted to portray your views, concerns, and issues in this magazine that are sometimes lost in translation. I have put my own experiences into the stories in hopes it can help others in the same situation. This moment is surreal, and I wouldn’t want to share it with anyone else but my community. To those of you that have dedicated your time and energy, free time and energy, you are greatly appreciated. I could not do this project without you all.

This magazine is targeted to the lesbian community of color. But there is something here for everyone. As the reach of REINA expands, so do the stories. This started out just for lesbians of color and I now have a transgender male section of the magazine. I have content for both masculine and feminine women. This magazine targets lesbians of color but welcomes all allies. If you are bisexual, gay, queer or somewhere in between all of those, you are welcomed. REINA will talk about issues not only pertinent to the lesbian community, but to the Black community as a whole.

Vonnie Spiv

Hair by: LaKeisha Michelle | Make-up by: Brianna Wilks | Photo by: Tal Campbell

Ruby Scott, also known as the Diva of Dallas, is one of the few female entertainers in the Dallas Metroplex. REINA was able to get up close and personal with Ms. Scott as she gave us a look into who she really is. Click here to hear from Ruby herself!

Tan Champion

dream but no means to achieve it and say, I am their inspiration to keep fighting for it.

Hometown: Commerce,TX Age: 26 years old Genre: Hip Hop Fav Color: Blue Fav Artist: Tupac Celebrity Crush: Kelly Price One thing you can’t live without: Fried Chicken Interesting Fact: I am a sorority girl

Do you write your own lyrics? I would never spit someone else’s lyrics but mine.

www.youtube.com/ wordswithsubstance www.soundcloud.com/ ustarnique www.facebook.com/ unique-music

How do you feel about out lesbians in the industry? How are they represented? Well, there is only one "out" chick in mainstream music right now and she’s cool but I think that although she is a nice mc, she overplays her sexual orientation. I mean, this is what is really causing a lot of the buzz for her. So in that case I feel like it’s being exploited. I also feel like I do not have to be the poster child for lesbians. I am proud of who I am but don’t have to wear rainbows all over my body and scream it from the mountain tops.

Is Tan Champion your real or stage name? What is the significance? Tan is short for my real name. I didn’t want to change it because it just fit ya know. When did you realize you had a passion for music? When I was six years old , I used to line up my bears and sing to them so I guess that’s when it started. In high school I used to watch the guys freestyle and I knew that is what I wanted to do. So I started battling any and everybody I could. Lyrically, I started off writing poetry and it transitioned into rhymes. Can you play any instruments? I used to play the trumpet but don’t any other instruments now. What is your inspiration? I want to make a better life for myself and my family. I want people to look at me who have a

Where do you see your music career going? Ima take this wherever it’s going to go. I currently have been writing theme songs for professional sports groups. God has a path for me and I will continue to follow it wherever it goes.

Are songs like Katy Perry’s cliché to you? The only thing I know about Katy Perry is she kissed a girl and she liked it (she states while laughing). What’s next for Tan Champion? At this point, the sky is the limit. 7

 Fahari Arts announces its new Season 3 theme, Catch the Fire, and REINA was there to get the details.

Fahari Arts Institute: Season 3 The mission of Fahari is to celebrate, display, and produce the works of LGBT/queer artists from throughout the African Diaspora. Fahari envisions educating and entertaining audiences with artistic expression from the historical and cultural experiences of black queer people. Their work is also an act of resistance against the one-sided view of the lives of black people; one-sided view of queer people; and the view that art can’t or shouldn’t be political. Harold Steward is the Artistic Director and Founder of the organization which started in 2009. The organization was created because opportunity and need met each other-opportunity being the need to create a black gay cultural initiative. The new season is celebrating the 85th anniversary of the publication, Fire. Steward explains this publication was the only literary device that published works form Zora Neal Hurston, Langston Hughes, and other Black writers from the Harlem Renaissance; where 50 percent of the contributors were queer and Black. “They were young individuals going against the status quo. With this being the third year, we want to see how that looks in modern day society,” says Steward. According to Steward, there is still a level of conformity that one must attain in order to “fit in.” The new season will examine many still relevant topics like social control and the process of Black lesbians paying homage to the elders. Fahari pushes community members to explore how we celebrate and become informed on these topics while getting on board with the movement. “We want to be a Black queer version of a black queer version and whatever that looks like. We build what we have with the hands of our people,” states Steward. He is very adamant about not following the white middle class male model and

staying true to Fahari being a grassroots organization. “No longer is Fahari is a secret.” The biggest accomplishment of this group to date is being able to build an organization that the community can give a voice to. Fahari has won three different honors from the Reader’s Voice awards. For Steward, that was a game changer and he began to see the power his organization possesses. Because of the success of the first two seasons, the expectations of new season are set high. The third season is about building on the brand of Fahari and growing the local, national and regional reach. One of the most popular events this organization hosts is Queerly Speaking. This event was created to be a safe environment for anyone to come and express themselves. When putting together the events for Fahari, the intent was to create a home wherever someone is. To Steward, it is refreshing to see all the different energy people bring month after month. The organization hosts events such as a monthly open mic night, film screenings, theater productions, dance productions, literature programs, and lecture series. Fahari hosts these events because the arts work in relation to each other. Fahari takes an interdisciplinary approach to culture because everyone can learn from different art forms.

Fahari’s events bring all different type of people out. “It’s interesting, with queerly speaking, we appeal to a younger demographic while films are intergenerational,” says Steward. “Our patrons are diverse because we cross socioeconomic lines.” If you are not the artsy type, don’t worry, Fahari is a place to come if you are hungry for something different. Fahari does make a special effort to reach the 35 plus crowd because with that community, comes knowledge and history. For Steward, Fahari has created a forum for lesbians of color to see each other in another type of venue. Each seasons’ schedule includes programs to highlight lesbian contributions. “It is beautiful to see that come together and connecting lesbians to feel empowered and not feel like the shadow behind gay men in the movement,” says Steward. There are still taboo issues within the LGBT community Fahari will continue to tackle. Stewart believes this community is not willing to admit that we don’t understand our counterparts. An example of this for him is nontraditional relationships, i.e. sex life, and how we celebrate them. He wants this community to stop trying to fit into a heterosexual model of normalcy. “As a gay man, it’s something I am working with, and now it’s about understanding your privilege and power and how do I check that so I can use it in the community,” says Steward. There are a number of ways to get involved with this group. People can attend as patrons as well as participate. The organization is growing and there are various committees to volunteer on as well as supporting the organization financially. http://fahariartsinstitute.org/

et n .

Email I E R Us Today for . w w W Sponsorship Opportunities advertise@reinamag.net m A N

DJ Laidback Weddings, Private Events, Corporate Events, Kids/Teen Parties, Clubs Etc.. djlaidbak_ent@yahoo.com 10

The

Business Butch

With any company, group or organization; there is a certain culture surrounding appropriate dress. In a society built on outer appearance, how an individual looks determines how well they are accepted in certain circles. Masculine of center women defy gender norms by dressing or having personality traits of those traditionally associated with men. The women in this article will each share their very different experiences about being a “butch” in corporate America.

You sift through your closet to find something to wear for the interview. Do you go with a pant suit, slacks and a nice shirt, or skirt and heels? Thirtythree year old Kiea Lyons works in the mental health field and decided to wear gender neutral clothing for the initial interview for her current position. “I dressed the way I did because gender neutral clothes are more or less accepted in an initial meeting,” says Lyons. “Typically in the first interview an employer is generally looking for punctuality, a clean appearance, and some knowledge base regarding the position.” Sham Mitchell takes another approach to the interview process. She always wears nice business slacks with a button down shirt that may tend to be more masculine. “I dress in this manner because I am comfortable and I would rather a company see me for who I am up front,” says Mitchell. Your dress in the workplace is determined by the environment in which you work. If you have a formalized conservative employer, bending gender norms may not be the best practice at that place. Also take into account if your job is LGBT friendly. Having an employer that includes lesbians and gays into diversity policies may help your counterparts understand something that may be foreign to them. Marcell Terrell works in the medical field and believes her job is LGBT friendly. “I am out to the world. I see no benefit in hiding who I am,” says Terrell. When individuals don’t fully understand something, they tend to prejudge and make assump-

tions on what little information they have. Terrell who is also an author, has experienced dealing with people and preconceived notions. When she is promoting her book, some people automatically assume that her material focuses only on gay/ lesbian affairs. But in Passion of Seduction Vol. 1, her readers are quite surprised and appreciate the fact that her stories are for everyone, not one certain group. According to Mitchell the majority of people feel as if she thinks she is a man. “I am well aware of the fact that I am a woman. I can't fault them for their opinions, but will do my best to educate those that are willing to learn about me and my preference in dress and lifestyle,” says Mitchell. She has had a hard time breaking into managerial roles within her field as well as being looked over for promotions because of how she looks. Lyons on the other hand has been able to climb the corporate ladder with little to no discrimination. In order to hurdle over prejudgment and nonLGBT friendly work environments, you have to be sure you are marketable as a professional first. Your future employer must buy into your skills and the assets you bring to the company. Terrell stays marketable by surrounding herself in environments that allow her to promote and network her product as well as cater to various audiences and different aspects of interest. Mitchell suggests taking on different responsibilities within your department like a new leadership role. *Image retrieved from Google Images 11

All three women suggest being yourself to help people get over outer appearances. “I am a warm, inviting person so I will speak and make eye contact with anyone that I pass. If I don't personally know someone I will introduce myself to them,” says Mitchell. ”I have had

Terrell leaves advice she hopes can help anyone dealing with aesthetic issues at their workplace. “First and foremost, be yourself. That is the key to confidence as no one can do you as well as you can. Understand both men and that if you do encounter people women be intimidated by me Being a woman of color adds anuncomfortable with other dimension to this conver- until they take the time out to your sexuality, it’s sation. Does being a BLACK their problem, not openly gay lesbian make this is- get to know me for the person that yours. Don’t be I am and not continue to judge me afraid to be a sue more complex? trailblazer if you for my outer exterior.” According to Terrell, when you are the only look at openly gay women in the lesbian/gay person spotlight, for the most part they are white. “I have in your workplace. Someone’s got to be first to question why that is, and what that means.” right? Make a path for others to follow. Lastly, Mitchell’s feelings are parallel to those of Terrell. understand that not everyone will be accepting of She believes many people have a biased opinion your lifestyle, but that’s ok too. We all have the that all Black people are lazy and want things to right to pursue happiness & let no one deter you come easily. from that pursuit because they have hang-ups.”

1. Gaylord Resort & Convention Center 2. Container Store, Inc.

Top 10

3. Pioneer Natural Resources Co.

BEST PLACES

to Work

4. Richards Group 5. Park Place Dealerships 6. Frito-Lay North America 7. Cook Children’s Healthcare System

8. Chesapeake Energy Corp. 9. Microsoft Corp. 10.Interstate Battery System of America Best Places to Work 2011 according to Dallas Morning News http://www.dallasnews.com/business/best-places-to-work/best-large-places-to-work/index.jsp

Bridging the Gap Building stronger communities through resource sharing is one of the main goals of REINA Magazine. Executive Director of DFW Pride Movement (DFWPM) Derrick Spillman talks with Reina about how his organization bridges resources in order to build a stronger Black LGBT community. DFWPM was founded in 2008 under the direction of C.D. Kirven, Q-Roc, Derrick Spillman and Venton Jones. There are various groups that advocate for the community. From the Dallas Gay and Lesbian Alliance (DGLA) to the Human Rights Campaign, these organizations were founded to make a difference in the community-but whose community? The DGLA has advocated for issues like domestic partnerships, healthcare benefits for City of Dallas employees, and working with North Texas media outlets to promote fair press coverage of issues affecting the GLBT community. When looking at the LGBT community of color; there are other pressing issues that are pertinent to this community that should be addressed from workforce development to educational disparities. DFWPM is one of the organizations working to bridge the gaps so this community does not continue fall short. DFW Pride Movement currently works with community organizations across different cultural lines. Within the LGBT community, the organization partners with: The Resource Center Dallas, Fahari Arts, The Group, United Black Element, Gamma Mu phi, Living Faith Covenant Church, Legacy of Success, and IFOBP, to name a few. In the “mainstream” community, the group works with: Dallas County Health Department, Texas State Department of Health Services, AIDS Arms, and UT Southwestern. Spillman notices that there is a disconnect between certain groups within the LGBT community, both racially and economically. “There are not enough groups talking about empowerment

or change,” states Spillman. Creating an empowered and educated population will create discourse around issues plaguing the Black LGBT community. He believes resource sharing starts with a conversation. “We see the efforts that a certain organization is associated with and invite everyone to the table,” states Spillman. But what happens if no one wants to sit? Spillman gets the foot in the door by bringing relevant issues to the forefront. “You have to find common ground from that initial conversation then take it a step further.” DFWPM is responsible for the Texas State Department of Health sitting at the table and ready to discuss the HIV/AIDS epidemic. In a perfect world through the eyes of Spillman, Community organizations would look like the Justice League. “They are all working towards saving the world and that’s what we need,” he playfully states. An example of bridging the age gap in the LGBT community is the successful Tweet and Greet event held during Black Pride. Currently, the organization is working on the Black LGBT Summit which also takes place during Black Pride. The free summit helps discuss issues like HIV/AIDS education and puts the State in front of the community. “This year for the summit will be RISQUE with a purpose by relating HIV/AIDS concerns, dangers, and successes to the porn industry,” states Spillman. Spillman believes we have to expand our reach into the gay and straight community because it takes all of us working together to reach everyone.

*Image retrieved from Google Images 13

To better understand what the community needs; start with an asset building table. Asset building focuses on the strengths the people of the community already possess, not what the community is lacking. This will help identify which organizations are present and networks both formal and informal. From here, you can build on what is present to address what is lacking.

If you are interested in getting involved with DFWPM or attending any of their events, please check out their website at: http://dfwpridemovement.org.

Helping build a strong community takes people who are ready to lead their community. Many people are still closeted and have not accepted their sexuality which hinders them from getting involved with certain efforts. “You have to be proud of who you are in your skin. It comes with its challenges, but those challenges are more selfinflicted because we are scared to be ourselves,” states Spillman. “If I was going to be a leader in my community, I knew I had to be open and be me.”

  Youth United Black Ellument http://ubedallas.org

Community DFW Pride Movement http://dfwpridemovement.org/ Mosaic Family Services www.mosaicservices.org

HIV/AIDS Aids Arms www.aidsarms.org Planned Parenthood of North Texas www.ppnt.org The Resource Center www.rcdallas.org

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. -ANAIS NIN, Parted Lips: Lesbian Love Quotes Through the Ages Lesbian relationships are often intense and short lived. REINA spoke with two different couples on how they keep their relationships fresh and make it last.

Lessons in Love

Sophia and Lisa Green have been together for 12 years on July 3rd of this year. They met at Club Envy, as both women were there with friends for a night on the town. It was the owner’s birthday and Sophia was watching the show as Lisa approached her at the bar. Lisa helped balance her on the bar to see the show better and afterwards they stayed and talked. Lisa didn’t use corny lines to peak Sophia’s interest, it naturally flowed. “It was like it was supposed to happen because I wasn’t looking for a relationship,” says Sophia. Their first date was something out of a fairytale. They talked nonstop all day everyday leading up to their date that following weekend after their first encounter. They only made plans for dinner and a movie but it ended up lasting the entire weekend. “It was Red Lobster and Analyze This,” Lisa recalls vividly. They didn’t want the date to end so afterwards they went to Club Envy then Denny’s for breakfast. Before they knew it, the date had lasted until the sun came up. Sophia mentions they had they best end of date kiss that anyone could imagine. “She made my heart smile with that kiss,” states Lisa as she slightly blushes. After that, the two were inseparable. They were married in July and had an intimate civil union in Galveston with just the two of them “I knew when I met her that first night she was going to be my wife,” Lisa expresses. Lisa and Sophia aren’t perfect as any other relationship. They disagree about house chores, sleeping patterns; typical things. Sophia is very uptight about a clean house and Lisa doesn’t think everything has to be in place all the time. For Lisa, after being together all this time, the arguing has changed. She believes relationships fizzle after the initial honeymoon stage because people aren’t prepared to deal with the baggage that comes in a relationship. “Once you start stripping

down to who you really are, its like damn. People don’t always make it through that because it doesn’t smell like roses anymore,” states Lisa. Quiana Harris and Syncere Freeman have been together for a year and three months. The couple met through a mutual friend at Queerly Speaking, an event hosted by Fahari Arts Institute. The mutual friend and Harris were house-sitting for Freeman and Harris left some of her stuff there. “I had to come back and get it and I never left,” Harris explains while laughing. Freeman believes lesbian relationships are over in a flash because it is two women in that relationship. Because of the gender roles individuals play within relationships, more masculine women tend to be more direct with their communication while extremely feminine women are indirect. Sophia believes lesbian relationships are short lived because of the external views and expectations of society. “You have to grow together in the relationship. A lot of gay couples don’t see the building together aspect,” says Lisa. To Lisa, this means discussing each other’s credit because you want to purchase a home; or discussing your sexual past. Lisa also attributes the “flash relationships” to some people not wanting to battle for their relationship as a lesbian couple. Harris and Freeman have a solid relationship with ups and downs as any couple would encounter. Most of their initial arguments stem from communication issues. Harris says they have a really good relationship and are very open and honest with each other. Communication issues arise because she shuts down during disagreements while Freeman is more vocal. “I expressed to her in the beginning I am damaged goods, but I want to explore this thing with you,” says Harris. 16

Their parallel past experiences in relationships have helped them overcome these issues because they are able to express what they want and don’t want. “We have alleviated a lot of the other problems couples experience,” says Freeman. Being honest and having open dialogue includes discussing topics some couples avoid like finances. “I am open with how I spend. Some stuff she [Harris] will spend money on will piss me off because I a cheap skate but the thing is she tells me,” says Freeman. Freeman encourages couples to find a common ground when communicating. “I like the ugly truth instead of a pretty lie.” Another positive aspect about the couple is their intimate relationship. “We are not afraid to explore. If we haven’t tried something we will experiment with each other,” says Harris. “Sex in a relationship very healthy. I want to make memories with you so don’t be afraid of a person’s sexual past.” When it comes to creating a strong foundation, Sophia and Lisa have created a formula that works for them. The women understand each other’s weaknesses and don’t try to change one another. The couple was upfront and honest about whom they were in the beginning. “People don’t understand the difference between a relationship and dating. You have to understand the terms of the relationship and what the expectations are,” says Sophia. For the Green couple, there is compromise but both realize there are certain things about each other that they are not going to change. Sophia urges couples to have that conversation of if you are going to deal with it or not. And for her, most couples do not. According to Freeman, the biggest challenge of any new relationship is not bringing in old baggage. “I made a personal choice to work through trust issues and I committed to it no matter how hard it was and be 100 percent fair to her,” says Freeman. Harris was able to relinquish old baggage because for her, it was about making herself happy. She doesn’t want to limit herself and miss out on someone that God sends. “I was going to be open and honest and start off trusting her until she proves me wrong,” expresses Harris.

“Before you get into a relationship, don’t commit if you are not ready. You have to be completely genuine if you are in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and put everything out in the beginning. Know who you are getting into a relationship with and say the ugly truth about yourself so you can grow and better yourself,” states Harris. The Greens believe there is no secret to making it work but can tell you it definitely, is not sex. Lisa states that the individual has to know herself first because of the turmoil that you may be going through and baggage you are carrying into the relationship. “There isn’t a blueprint; you have to do what works for you. If you are happy and it’s a healthy relationship, the hell with what other people are thinking,” says Lisa. They keep their relationship fresh and fun by laughing! “We laugh, we laugh at each other,” says Sophia laughing. “We actually have fun being in the relationship.” For Freeman and Harris, it boils down to loving someone through the good and bad. “We can have a disagreement but she is still with me,” says Freeman. “Respect each other’s thoughts and don’t be afraid to learn from each other,” says Harris. Lisa says you should not limit your partner within the relationship. “Learn how to co-exist and still be an individual and be able to accept that individual. You can’t stop being the person that you were before you came into that relationship.” “A relationship is a relationship and it shouldn’t be different because it is gay, straight etc. When things get bad, you have to look at the overall picture to make it work and not define that person by the situation,” says Lisa.

*Images retrieved from Google Images *Pictured Lisa (left) and Sophia (right) 17

The Modern Family

*Photo retrieved from Google Images

Dictionary.com defines family as a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children; two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place; and a group of persons sharing common ancestry. The Census Bureau’s definition of family is a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage, or adoption and residing together. ABC News published an article in September of 2010 on family and what that means in modern

day society. They interviewed “Brian Powell, a sociology professor at Indiana University who tackled Americans' evolving definition of family in a book-length study, Counted Out: Same-Sex Relations and Americans' Definitions of Family, and separate 2010 survey.” According to ABC News, “the book's authors identified three clusters of Americans: ‘exclusionists’ who hold onto a more narrow definition of family; ‘moderates’ who are willing to count same-sex couples as family if children are involved; and ‘inclusionists’ who have a very broad definition of family.”

Kirsteen Fleenor and Angela Hanes have created their own family-one that is similar to Josephine Baker’s Rainbow Tribe. These women would be considered inclusionists, as their family definition is broad and looks at the bond of individuals. Both women are Caucasian and have adopted all minority children through a state agency. To Fleenor, a family is a makeup of different individuals with common goals of love. Families have extensions and support groups. Fleenor and Hanes met at church and were introduced through a mutual friend. Hanes shook her now wife’s hand and asked her to lunch. “I bolted because I just got out of a relationship. Then called her later and asked her out to dinner and the rest was history,’ says Fleenor. “It was right and fit perfect.” They had a holy union, standing before God, friends and each other that they would make their relationship work through thick and thin. They were together five years when they decided to have kids. Both women thought through artificial insemination, but decided against it. “We thought the world is so jacked up; I don’t know if I want to bring more kids into it. How about we take care of the ones that are already here,” said Fleenor. Both Fleenor and Hanes were raised in heterosexual two parent households with their parents being married over 40 years. According to Fleenor, this had an influence on the practices they use to raise their kids. “Angie and I are more involved in our kids and the household functioning more than my Dad was.” According to Hanes, being a gay home has made them have to be on their p’s and q’s because of the agency where they adopted their children from making them more aware of their parenting skills. In their dynamics, Fleenor is the police officer and Hanes is the fun person. Being a two woman household, they are aware of certain emotional things that go on within the family. Fleenor and Hanes believe the thought process surrounding family has changed since their childhood years. Both women say it is interesting because in a typical gay and lesbian world, if you had kids, they were taken away. Older generations

have lost the rights to have their kids, or they never really wanted any. The couple chose to adopt their children through a state agency versus other private organizations. “We consulted a group and they did not want to help a lesbian “Family” has come a long couple. So we went with a state agency way from the days of the because they accepted lesbian couples, friends Cosbys and the Banks. adopted through them and it was Like time, family easier,” said Hanes. “It was a matter of dynamics have changed educating case managers that we are not perverts. We but are the ideologies had to keep our home immaculate surrounding family still because we felt we were representing the same? gay and lesbian couples,” said Fleenor. Each time they adopted, it seemed to be getting harder for them. During their second adoption, a judge threw out the adoption because they were a same sex couple. The unique dynamic of this family is that all of the children are of a different, minority nationality than Fleenor and Hanes. When they received a call about their son, Fleenor called and explained everything to Hanes and hung up. Hanes had to call back and ask his nationality. “I forgot to ask,” Fleenor explains laughing. “Most of the time we didn’t ask about the color of the child, we cared about their history, were they healthy, etc.” “I think being a gay couple wanting kids takes a lot of patience and creates a stronger bond between you and your partner. You both realize you set an example for people who have not been around the gay community,” says Fleenor. “If you adopt, you have to realize that education is the way to get people aware and change their attitudes about gay people.” http://abcnews.go.com/WN/defines-familychildren-americanssurvey/story?id=11644693

MEET DALLAS’ OWN SULTRY SONGSTRESS

Is Jurni Rayne your real or stage name? What is the significance? It is my real name that I gave myself. My government is Veronica Butler. I love my name! Jurni Rayne came from many nights of thinking, about who I was, where I came from and where I was going. It represented who I think I am. I did go through many other names like patience, justice, etc…but Jurni Rayne just fit. When did you realize you had a passion for music? Last year..kinda, that’s a trick question. Last year was when I had a large support system in music. I really never wanted to do music. I was in the choir in the 6th grade and my last three years of high school. My mom was a teacher and my dad was a part time musician, and I never wanted to be either. I did what I was supposed to do, go to college get a degree, and had a career in restaurant management. I started out composing songs and I was like what do I do from here? It took many “Happy Birthday” songs before I thought, restaurant management is not what I should be doing; singing is what I should be doing. I had to erase the fear and get out there and do it. Can you play any instruments? I play the flute, piano and guitar. With this album I was able to be hands on by arranging composing, writing and playing with my songs.. What is your inspiration? Life! A lot of my songs on this album are real life experiences. I had a normal dysfunctional childhood. I’ve always been a self motivator too, so taking myself to the next level is inspiring. And lastly, my fans

Jurni R

are my inspiration. So often, people tell me that they were touched by my lyrics or my voice and that motivates and inspires me to do more. Do you write your own lyrics? Yes. I’ve also written songs that I want to use for groups as well. I am really good at harmonies. I have stuff to just give away. Where do you see your music career going? I see my career progressing, mostly because I have a passion for what I do. I want to continue working on and growing with music. My music tells a story and right now, I foresee many more chapters in the book called Jurni Rayne. How do you feel about out lesbians in the industry? How are they represented? It would be cool if we were more visible. I don’t know what we could do to increase that. Maybe it’s more support. You have to know somebody that knows somebody to find a lesbian artist. I don’t mind being the poster child for lesbians. I want to put realness in my music. This is who I am. I love women…that had tens o’s in it. I want people to say, “She’s black, gay and doing her thing, so I can do my thing too.” Are songs like Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl cliché to you? I think it is very cliché. Too often, I hear men say, “Oh, you’re a lesbian??? Me too!” They think it’s sexy to see two women make out. That’s because they are thinking of Katy Perry and some other hot feminine chick. But if they really get to know this lifestyle, they would not let this idiocracy fall from their lips. Also, I feel like if there were more visibility with ALL

Rayne

What’s next for Jurni Rayne? You Lied is my single that I released on June 24 so buy it on iTunes today (shameless plug. Lol). It is the story about my significant other being caught in a lie and how I felt and handled the situation. The first album is titled Jurni Rayne: Finding my Way. I named it this because I didn’t know how to classify myself because I listen to an array of music. I didn’t know if I wanted to go into this music thing, or stay in my career? So it is about my journey and finding my way. The album releases early Fall. You had your single release party on June 24th, tell me about that experience? It was surreal. In this age, there isn't an abundance of radio play for independent artists. But when I looked up at 1:35AM on June 24th and saw my single on iTunes, I was so excited. It was confirmed that I am serious about this. I was so honored to have so many people come out and support me and my music. It was a beautiful feeling! How did it feel to be on stage performing? It felt like I belonged there. The audience was giving me such awesome energy so it was easy to reciprocate. I like to get people involved when I perform so it felt like I was in a room full of friends. There was such a diverse crowd there to see you including your family, classmates, lesbians and married couples; what does that say about your music? The main point that I want to convey with my music is no matter what your background is we ALL have something in common! We all encounter the same feelings, thoughts, and experiences regardless. Music is the common denominator of bringing people together and I want to be a part of that equation.

Hometown: Dallas, TX “Oak Cliff” Age: Old enough to gamble, drink, and vote Genre: Adult contemporary, cross between KISS FM and RnB; I don’t want to be put into a box Fav Color: Royal Blue Fav Artist: Maxwell Celebrity Crush: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith One thing you can’t live without: Karaoke Interesting Fact: Yo Hablo Espanol

What is one taboo issue in the lesbian community that needs to be talked about? I would have to say domestic violence. It is something we don’t talk about and it happens. I used to be in an abusive relationship. To start conversation, we have to contact different groups and start a campaign. If we can get people to acknowledge that it is an issue, then the word will spread. Are you dating someone? I am married to my music…I am dating someone. It’s great dating someone who is well known and intelligent. I am social and it is really cool dating someone that has their own set of friends and allows me to be me.

See No, Speak No, Hear No…

GAY I don’t know what I expected going in, maybe some warped zone of the thing I knew as church. As I opened the door, melodies flowed out of the sanctuary and filled my ears. The quaint church is inviting; the pews sprinkled with males, females and a few somewhere in between. I see people like me; which is nice for a change. The spirit of God moves through each row filling souls as each starts to praise his name. This IS church…so where do I fit in?

Deneen Robinson is an ordained minister and elder at LFCC. An elder is a person that manages the administration of the church. This church isn’t tied to any traditional ministry, but all ministers have ties to the traditional church. One reason Robinson joined this ministry is because she appreciates that Byrd was able to work out his sexuality publicly when most people don’t have that courage. On the other side of the spectrum, Robinson has been fortunate to not have to deal with an internal or family struggles surrounding her sexuality. Living Faith Covenant Church is Interdenominational and a part of an association called the Fellowship. Alex Byrd is the foun- Scriptures typically der and head minister of the church. His congregation make up includes 99 percent LGBT community members and 80 percent African Americans. His inspiration for starting his own ministry came from reading an article about homosexuality and sin. “The article spoke to me in ways I hadn’t been exposed to. The article gave me the information I needed to examine those doctrines I was taught. I knew I would begin a church and He led me in that direction,” says Byrd. On August 6, 2000, Byrd led his first worship service of Living Faith Covenant Church (LFCC). Pastor Byrd is playing the organ while his congregation follows in song. Bodies sway to the words as hands go up in praise. They praise Him even though the “church” said they are a sin. They praise Him even though they said we are going to hell. They praise him for blessings that they haven’t received yet. “Yes Lord, have your way” comes from the mouth of an elder. “Have your way.” One main obstacle Byrd faced in starting this ministry was telling his family that he was starting a church that was open to the gay community. “I had to deal with my roots-I grew up in the COGIC [Church of God in Christ], Pentecostal church. There are strict rules and of course, homosexuality is a sin,” expresses Byrd. Byrd’s family knew him as an ex-gay but after reading that article and doing research on his own, he decided to embrace his sexuality.

Traditional doctrines taught in many different denominations label homosexuality as a sin. With

used to discuss homosexuality: all the Leaders of LFCC being homosexuals, how do Genesis 1:1-31 they teach scrip- Genesis 19:1-29 tures that are said Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13 to condemn gays? Romans 1:26-27 According to Byrd, 1 Corinthians 6:9 his overwhelming Timothy 1:9-10 love for God has been his anchor and given him the cour- Scriptures provided age to step out. “I by Fish Out of Wacould not preach something I didn’t ter Film believe.” Homosexuality being taught as a sin has driven this ministry to become conversational with the community. “Let’s talk about some of these things. Why would a person that does not have to deal with that type of discrimination have the motivation to look at the interpretation of scripture?” Byrd exclaims passionately. “We need to look at how we classify the ‘other.’ “ “Let us bow are heads in prayer.” Father, I pray for understanding. I believe in you and the destiny you’ve set for my life. You created me, so why am I like this? I don’t want to go to hell for being me, but I don’t know any other way. *Image retrieved from Google Images

Please guide me. Amen. You see the old school church roots flowing in this place. The guest preacher takes the mic and tells me he just wants to talk to me for a second. What will he say? Gay is good? I grew up going to church every Sunday and never heard that before so what Bible is he reading?

church, it is the word that’s connected to it-SEX. “We are afraid to talk about sex unless we are saying don’t do it,” states Byrd. According to Robinson, there is a misunderstanding about what “gay” is. She states that people understand gay to be how you are sexually.

Robinson explains that when you discover who you are as a gay person, and you understand you are not safe to be who you are, you hide it. “It is not until we live stuff out that we find the right way to do something and we find that middle ground where we are comfortable in our skin,” says Robinson. Because most ministries do preach about the sin of homosexuality, Byrd suggests inviting Jesus in every part of your life, even your sexual life, to gain one’s own perspective. “If you take Him everywhere, something miraculous happens,” says Byrd.

The lack of conversation surrounding sex has contributed to confusion of how God sees sexuality. “We don’t know what we are doing. We fuss about teaching sex at schools and I didn’t learn about sex at home or church,” claims Byrd. “Coming to maturity as a sexual being isn’t talked about.”

Robinson agrees with Byrd on inviting Christ into every facet of your life. “Like on True Blood, the vampire would never come into your house if you didn’t invite him. It is the same way with Jesus. If we don’t invite Him in, He isn’t coming in,” states Robinson. Byrd believes there is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in African American community compared to that of Anglo Americans. He attributes this to having family ties that run deep and wide. Robinson adds by stating that “Black people are more family oriented and we make choices and sacrifices based on family.” According to both Byrd and Robinson, “ g a y ” isn’t the taboo word that lingers in the

Byrd believes those conversations start when we think globally and act locally. LFCC is starting a group, the Jerusalem Council, which is designed to get preachers to come together to talk about these types of issues in a safe space. “The lack of information flow is keeping us ignorant,” Byrd states. Robinson believes sex should be an evolving conversation and as leaders of the community, we cannot work in silos. The preacher finished giving his testimony and all I can think about is mine. I want to live in the image of Christ and through all my flaws He continues to bless me, and keep me. Why am I an outcast from a place that is supposed to embrace me? But I don’t get that feeling here. Everyone seems to be focused not on who I am but who He is. “God never leaves me. God is always going to be there- how did I get back to God if He isn’t there? When inviting God, choose to be open to whatever He is saying,” Byrd says thoughtfully. “He is God with us all the time, not with us sometimes.”

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Do You Believe We are going to take a journey together. Just as a garden can take many shapes and have a variety of flowers and greenery – so too will this journey – this space. Let’s jump right in. We are all called to be change agents. Each of us has a unique role in creating life. We each must understand that our role is constantly changing as some things remain the same. Our view or understanding of those things is what is changing. At each iteration; we have something to give and something to gain. I want to be part of what you gain. I will share my heart, my experiences as a believer with you, to be used by you, as a tool to cultivate your particular garden. I am a Christian that recognizes the necessity of each individual to find and develop an intimate and personal relationship with God. Belief is a personal journey that happens in community. So….what does it mean to be a believer in 2011? Is it about faith – perseverance? Is it about God – thank you for the stuff? Is it God – I am a servant? Use me, or use me when it is convenient? Is it Grace? OR Is it openly receiving God’s love for us unconditionally? Scripture tells us that God gave the ultimate gift because he wanted to ensure that we would always be in relationship. He committed the ultimate act of love – he gave his best for us. In and of itself, this evokes a familiar memory verse or it is a way of pushing back the doubt that I am unloved. The history of God’s relationship with us eludes to something much deeper. After we were created, God established a series of covenants with man. After each of the covenants were broken, God would establish another with different rules in the hopes that we would understand that relationship with us was very important. And because God did not want to lie, the

*Image retrieved from Google Images

price for breaking the covenant still had to be paid. After realizing that man would not maintain the covenant, God gave of himself to satisfy the penalty in order for us to have the opportunity for us to never have to worry about breaking relationship. God really wanted relationship – so much so that he gave his best for you-for me-for us. Yeah, but I am a same gender loving or trans identified person. Praise God. The same is true for you. According to scripture, there is nothing about who we are that is a surprise to God. God knew us before we knew ourselves and deals with us as if we are the perfected works of his creation. Our sexuality creates an opportunity to go deeper with God to truly find answers for ourselves about God’s love for us. He really did pick you. You are not a haphazard item in the garden. Explore your chance to cultivate a relationship with God that is based in your truth; your own understanding. The question I ask is simple – in the quiet what do you hear? Do you hear words of hatred or do you hear words of love? And then when you allow yourself, what do you feel? Do you feel warmth or do you feel cold? It’s in the quiet that we gain the essence of God’s love for us. It is in the quiet when we hear God loving us: the me with all the scars, doubt, anger, sadness. I hear God telling me – you to receive the love. We can have it. It is ours for the taking. Believe – Receive God’s love for you and cultivate your glorious garden. Until next time: The Privileged Gardner

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iNspirHer A look into the lives of some of Dallasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; LGBT community leaders and activists.

Alpha Thomas Hometown: Dallas, TX Education: Texas Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s University BS in Health Education (public health) minor in sociology and physical education

Photo by Chris Morgan

Alpha Thomas is a 53 year old public health educator, community activist and leader, and in her words, “DYKE WARRIOR.” Thomas realized she was a lesbian at age 13. “I really didn’t know what to call it until I came out at 17,” states Thomas. She had her first girlfriend at 16 where they met at a college prep program. She smiles and states smoothly, “I love loving women.” It was not easy being a lesbian growing up in Dallas. Thomas received a lot of teasing because she looked like a boy. Thomas recalls wearing a short afro with blue jeans and t-shirts. No one ever attacked her but with her family, it was a nightmare. “My mother was Pentecostal and I went to hell the day I came out.” Thomas’ mother performed an exorcism on her shortly after she came out. She internalized this event and has been in psychotherapy since age 19. Her mother was mentally ill and everything for her was God. “She related everything she didn’t understand to the devil. I thought after she finished the exorcism I would be cured. The more I fought my lesbianism the stronger it became. Once I accepted myself I had to distance myself from my family,” says Thomas. Before her mother died, they talked about their relationship and resolved some issues. Thomas chuckles slightly while stating she believed her mother was a lesbian. “Every time she looked at me, she looked as if I was doing the things she wanted to do.” Thomas was instrumental in the women and lesbian rights movements on local and national levels. After she graduated from college, she got involved with the Political Congress of AfricanAmerican Women. According to Thomas, the group functioned to empower black women politically and addressed the mis-education of minority students in Dallas. The leader of this organization was Kathlyn Gilliam, who later became Thomas’ mentor. She then connected with the National Organization of Women (NOW). “My former partner and I started a chapter of NOW in Dallas. Working with white women and trying to address racism was a challenge so I left the organization. It was overwhelming; if I stayed, I would be in big trouble,” states Thomas quite frankly.

Thomas still sees the same cycle of problems persisting now in the lesbian community as when she was growing up. “During that time, I didn’t know a lot of out black lesbians in the late 80s and 90s. I would go to the bars and I would be one of the only black women there.” Thomas also “I want my legacy to be mentions similar to that of Audrey how class Lorde’s ,‘When I dare to and ecobe powerful to use my nomic isstrength in the service of sues are my vision then it becomes still major concerns less and less important within the whether I’m afraid. ‘” lesbian community. Being Black, a woman, and a lesbian has brought complex issues into Thomas’ life. She handled these obstacles by “reaching a point where I don’t give a damn what anybody says or thinks about me. I have accepted who I am and learned how to fall in love with myself.” She has survived severe burns at age 3; physical and emotional abuse from her mother; carbon monoxide poisoning in college: and being diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32. “My spiritual foundation got me through these things. At the essence of my being, I believed and knew there was a God that protected and saved me from all of that, even though my mother told me I had the Devil in me,” says Thomas. Thomas’ biggest accomplishment is being a mother. Thomas stops and retraces her words to say her biggest accomplishment is “being an out, black, dyke mom who’s daughter is a Bill Gates Scholar.” She asked me to define the odds. She adopted her daughter when she was 34 through a state agency. Her professional career includes a plethora of HIV/AIDS advocacy initiatives for the AfricanAmerican community. “During the AIDS epidemic, there were no people of color who were employed at the resource center. We put places like that on notice,” stated Thomas. Thomas recalls a specific

instance where her professional career was affected by her sexuality. “There was a group of lesbians and gays that appeared on a show called Insights. My former employer tried to use that appearance against me. How dare one of the oldest civil right groups in the country try to oppress me? I stood my ground and went to the CEO, because I didn’t violate procedures and they weren’t going to push me into a closet because they are homophobic. At that time, I was considered one of the lead voices for Black gay Dallas. I had a responsibility to the community and I would do it all over again if given the opportunity,” explains Thomas.

Betty Neal

Thomas is also the founder of Umoja Hermanas, a group that functioned to empower lesbian and bisexual women and Ujima, a male and female group. She also created, Impressions, a magazine for the African-American same gender loving community. “A lot of things that young folk today take for granted, we elders fought to make sure the mess stopped.” One issue Thomas thinks still needs to be addressed in the lesbian community is self hate. She believes many lesbians struggle with the issue of learning how to love themselves. Thomas has imprinted on the Dallas lesbian community through her advocacy and dedication. “I am a positive example for our youth, and I want good things for all LGBTQ individuals who come after me,” states Thomas passionately.

Age: 54 Profession: Asset Protection Promoter: After Dark Ent. Owner of Miss Ebony Texas and Miss North Texas. Hometown: Fayetteville, AR

“If I could be born again and live my life all over, I would still be a lesbian. This is who I am. Lesbianism chose me, I didn’t choose it.” 30

Betty Neal is one of a kind and can be spotted through any crowd-and it has nothing to do with her blonde hair. When asking who is Betty Neal; she answers with one simple word: ICONIC. Neal coins herself as being the first openly gay lesbian in Dallas to manage clubs, throw house parties, and be on the entertainment scene. She is the head of security for the Gay Pride Parade for last 13 years and also sits on the board of directors for Razzle Dazzle. “I am the most openly gay DYKE in Dallas,” she says proudly. Neal moved to Dallas in her early 20’s in December of 1979. Her friends moved to the city and told her you have to move-she came three weeks later.

Neal recalls an instance where she was shot in 1991 during Labor Day Weekend by a guy whom she kicked out of the club. “There were 42 people in Parkland Hospital that said they were my brothers and sisters. It shows the kind of bond I have with people.” Along with the highs of the business came the lows. The entertainment industry was hard and she got involved with drugs. Neal mentions that when you are involved in the club business, you get everything for free; including drugs. Drugs are the one element she wishes weren’t a part of the industry.

“I w as nev abo er ut t After living in the lesbian he community for many years, mo some things still haven’t ney changed for Neal while some jus , have. She wishes the lesbian comt th munity wasn’t so disjointed with racial barriers. On the other side of the fam e spectrum, she believes lesbians have e.” arrived. “We are professional women from all walks of life. We are lawyers to

Neal was always trying to be different. “I don’t want anybody to ever guess if I am gay. You know when you are little and you played house, I was always the daddy,” chuckled 54 year old Neal. She started out deejaying and bouncing at various clubs when she first moved to Dallas. “I started meeting Black drag queens and they turned me on to the Crib, one of the first 100 percent gay black clubs.” According to Neal, in the early 80s, black lesbians didn’t want to be out. She attributes this to religion and the negative connotations surrounding the gay community. “There were so many house parties because people would not go out publicly,” states Neal.

Neal had mentors within the gay community, but it is not the typical role model that first comes to mind. “This is going to sound crazy but I looked up to Drag Queens. I think they are super stars. A man can transform himself into a woman and captivate any audience...I grew up in the days of Lady Shawn. The amount of money they had, popularity…people just flocked to them. They influenced me to be the best I can be in the club business.”

dope dealers. We only now have to continue education to the non- gay community on who we are.” Neal hopes her legacy was able to open the door for gay entertainment in Dallas, especially lesbians. “I was the first person to bring gay female entertainers to the forefront. If I didn’t kick the door down, there would be no Ruby Scotts.” Neal encourages the black community to be more involved in the HIV/AIDS movement. She is an advocate and would put the mobile testing van out in the parking lot of clubs so people could be tested. “Be yourself and do not fit into any kind of box. Don’t be what people think you should be, be who you are.” 31

Lupe Valdez out. Valdez attributes this to the environment of Dallas. “I receive hate mail all the time,” says Valdez. “It is peaceful and a lot easier not to deal with sexual orientation.” Valdez’s position has helped to improve race, gender and sexual orientation relations across different cultural subgroups. Valdez is able to bring all parties to the table and negotiate as a strong, smart individual. This forces people to look past her outer appearance as a women, Latina, and lesbian.

Photo provided by the Dallas Sheriff’s Department

She put herself through college to earn a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration from what today is Southern Nazarene University. She sometimes had to work two jobs while carrying a full class schedule. These same work habits propelled her career in law enforcement. She has demonstrated her commitment to constant improvement and education by earning a Master of Arts in Criminology and Criminal Justice from the University of Texas at Arlington. These accomplishments have inspired many women within the lesbian community. Valdez recalls that there were few role models a young women could look up to in Dallas when she was growing up. Her position is not only the highest ranking position locally, but has had an effect on woman at a national level. “Many women have come up to me and said thank you Lupe. If you did it, I can do it too,” expresses Valdez. Within the Dallas lesbian community of color, there are not many high profile women that are

Lupe Valdez was elected Sheriff Valdez of Dallas County, Texas on Noalso has vember 4, 2004. She took the a passion for office of the highest ranking law c o m enforcement officer in the munity, County of Dallas on January 1, e v e n 2005. Valdez is the first female before elected Sheriff in the State of s h e Texas. Valdez has been in Law took her position. Enforcement for over 30 years S h e at both the Federal and State served as a levels. board member of the City of Dallas Civil Service Adjunct Board, the Funding Panel Review of the United Way of Greater Dallas, and a mentor in the Dallas Independent School District 's Big Brothers/Big Sisters Program. The Sheriff recalls a saying a pastor once told her, “If a person doesn’t see a little bit of them in the pulpit; people won’t come to church.” Valdez hopes women, both in and out of the lesbian community can see a little bit of them within her journey and be inspired to do whatever it is that makes them happy.

Gayle Bell Gayle Bell, writer, poet, mother and performer. From drug abuse to prostitution, Bell has turned her obstacles into beautiful lyrics that touch the corners of your soul. At age 16, Bell ran away because of her mother’s drug addiction and step father’s physical and sexual abuse. “I was going through it and didn’t feel like I had a home anywhere; especially inside me.” Bell fell into sex trade work in West and South Dallas. She was a young girl and heavily marketable so it was easy to get lost. She found her way home when she found out she was pregnant with her daughter. Bell was married for 9 years but came to terms with her sexuality. When she told her husband she was a lesbian, he replied “I know.” She moved to California to come out because to her, it was the Mecca for all gays. While in San Francisco, her mother set her up with her first girlfriend, a woman whom she worked with. “She told the woman, ‘My daughter is trying to be a lesbian’, as if I were trying on clothes,” chuckles Bell. After a small stint with drugs, she decided it was time to move back home to Dallas. Bell states that the Dallas Black community is not always accepting. Bell experienced various issues at poetry readings for reciting poems about loving a woman. Once, a woman got on the stage after she performed a lesbian erotica poem and read about abominations. “I am learning as a writer to write what I feel not just see and hear, even if I don’t agree. Being authentic to the truth,” says Bell.

presses Bell. She hopes to leave the world with more poetry; a freer voice of who you are. Bell wants to give homage to the women that have gone before her. Alpha Thomas and Chinwe Odeluga were the gate keepers in this community for her. Bell didn’t Age 53 year old have social and Profession: Writer political networks but she does now because of those women. According to Bell, with them, it wasn’t about the booty call, but giving her a life that defines who she is today. “I stand on big shoulders,” says Bell. “I am a lesbian because I said I am, not because someone else defined me.”

She Sounds: For Sweet Poppa D She sounds like sweet peach mint tea That was stirred in the good pitcher From the china cabinet That is served on a tray With tea cakes

The first time Bell graced the stage, a group of friends pushed her on at a talent show. Her normal work falls into the realm of erotica but she now also does more social pieces. “I love people to get flushed after I read a piece. It means more than a standing ovation,” says Bell. She has been performing for the last 15 years.

She sounds like a Morning on a lake With two bamboo poles With only one with a hook in it And a poetry book On a swamp boat

“I like to think, when I am on stage, I am being true to the woman who cannot voice it yet. I put on a brave face of who I think a lesbian is. I stopped living in response to how others think of me,” ex-

She sounds like breakfast In the city debating Pancakes or waffles

And you know that stuff Is bad for you But you order extra Butter and syrup She sounds like An evening in a sharp suit And an orange dress Dancing in socks and stockings A party of two She sounds like she wants To undress me And she wants it now With a delectable cackle And no reason to blush She sounds like a beginning 33

Q-Roc Age: 31 Hometown: Dallas, TX Profession: Visionary, small business owner, multimedia production company and performance artist

Q-Roc, the one woman show, talks with REINA about her newest projects and why being a community leader is so important. Q-Roc, or Q, didn’t realize she was a lesbian until she was 20 years old. “I knew I was different but I also knew what was expected of me,” says Q. “I wanted the Ninja Turtles and GI Joe’sfor Christmas not Barbies.” Being in the spotlight is nothing new for the actor, activist and media mogul. She was in leadership roles within her church and school growing up. But she didn’t see any role models that reflected who she was. In 2005, the Zuna Institute held the National Black Lesbian Conference in Dallas. Q was one of the four attendees that was under the age of 30. This was the eye opening experience she needed. Q met hundreds of black lesbians and discussed various topics pertaining to the community. “I met a woman who was old enough to be my grandmother,” says Q. “I sat in on a workshop by Angela Harvey about feminine lesbians coming out of the closet that Cheryl Swoops attributes to her coming out. This made me want to be involved.”

Since then Q has hit the ground running. She is not only involved but helps build many key organizations in the lesbian and greater queer community. She is a founding member of DFW Senators. The organization was established in 2006 to initially throw parties. Not just any kind of party but themed parties like Harlem Nights, Halloween, etc. The group grew to hosting cultural events. “We had over 100 people attend one of our events. It was great to see that people had a hunger and thirst for events like these,” says Q. She is also a founding board member of DFW Pride Movement and Media advisor for Fahari Arts Institute. A few of her other projects she is associated with includes BUTCH Voices and the Brown Boi Project. (I am a board member of these orgs) Most people are familiar with her work on QROC.TV: Being Queer Rocs. Q-Roc TV came into existence because she started boycotting the L Word. She was disgusted with the portrayal of masculine women in the media. 34

“If you see studs on TV, we are thuggin’ like Snoop from The Wire or Queen Latifah in Set It Off,” she says. Matter of factly, Q is not a thug but a fashionista. She was tired of not seeing people like her in the media so she did something about it. Q-Roc TV started with Say What, mini interviews and posted on Myspace and Youtube. From there, it took off.

Through all her work, Q hopes to broaden the horizons when it comes to transgender awareness, issues and social justice. She travels to many different places and in certain locations it doesn’t matter the level of your queerness. Here in Dallas, she believes a lot of our trans brothers and sisters are not as visible. She attributes this to the lack of exposure.

Q will be re-launching Q-Roc TV this year and expanding the TV shows to a network with more content. She is introducing new original programming and teaming up with other film makers and media creators on a national level to create the network. She describes it as Hulu for queers. Her newest effort is getting LGBT community leaders of color to do coalition building. Pastor Alex Byrd is leading the larger initiative for coalition building and Q wants to impress upon the community the power we have as leaders. Under this initiative falls the masculine of center leaders coming together with the Trans men community. “I want to create a more unified community,” says Q. “I want to begin practicing being a solid group, so if something would ever to arise, we could step up and take action.”

After all of Q’s accomplishments, is there anything left for her to conquer-Yes! Q has decided to get back into theater and has created a one person play based on Tthe Bbull-Blue JjJean StoriesSstories, written by Sharon Bridgforth. She portrays a bull dagger in the 1920s South; basically her in the 1920s. “It goes hand in hand with the activism I do through the arts,” says Q.

Gay marriage is not on the top of her list in regards to advocacy. “We need to address institutional racism; studs not going to the doctor; and mental health,” says Q. “There is a lot of classism in the queer community. All the isms that exist in society exist in the queer community.” Q wants to hold capacity building and leadership training workshops to help prepare the community. Some definite issues that need to be tackled include unity, education (awareness of different issues) and financial literacy. “I am passionate about the black queer community and coming together. According to my friends and family, I have always been a little militant,” states Q proudly. “When I came out, all this pride I had for being African American, expanded to being queer as well.” Q wants to step up to the plate and do her part, and this, is her doing her part. To Q, the fight of the Civil Rights is still here but with a different appearance. “We are not being hosed down, but at the same time, we have studs who can’t get a job because of how they portray gender.”

Through all her many endeavors, Q hopes to leave the world with peace and happiness. “I’m a Nichiren Daishonin Buddist, (Tina Turner), and it’s all about working towards your happiness and peace in the world. All the work that I do, boils down to me sincerely wanting happiness and peace for my community,” says Q. If you are interested in any of these many projects, Q is in need of people who can edit video, bloggers, and an assistant! You can also check her out on Facebook or follow the links below. http://q-roc.tv/ http://bull-jean.com

CD Kirven Age: 36 Profession: Author, Film Maker and Activist Hometown: Dallas, TX

From comic book creator to activist, Chastity, better known as C.D. Kirven, has made her mark on the lesbian community, not just locally but on national levels. Kirven’s interest in activism started when she was 16 years old. She began writing for a publication through a program for teenagers. “I chose two controversial stories: corporal punishment and abortion. Associated Press picked it up; and I stood up against the school policies to run my stories. That was the first time I stood up for something I believed in,” Kirven proudly mentions. From there, Kirven got involved in the community any way she could. She did a protest against the

Rodney King beatings by placing a sign saying Fuck the police, save Rodney King on her car. She was also one of the many key factors in an effort to save the food pantry program at the Resource Center. “That mission helped me transform from just activism to focusing on gay and lesbian issues.” Her inspiration came from some of the women she saw making a difference in their community. One of those women was Barbara Jordan. Kirven looked up to Jordan because of her many accomplishments. She is also a huge fan of Angela Davis. She pulls from these women some of their beliefs and ideologies. “You can beat me physically but 36

not spiritually, and as an activist, that is what you need to learn,” Kirven states. She acknowledges that there is a need for more African American lesbian role models. She believes in your life you have to set an example, not a perfect example, but an example. Kirven has trained at the Highlander Center in Tennessee where people like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. learned. Kirven comments that there was so much history at this center including people that trained and worked in the feminist movement and student movement. “It fully turned that light on and showed one person can have a tremendous impact.” Kirven says her biggest accomplishment thus far is getting arrested in Nancy Pelosi’s office and bringing direct action back into the gay rights movement. Even though she is in the streets fighting for justice, her passion is film making. She wants to do a film on lesbian history because she believes we grab strength from the past and it can help the community come together. The hardest part of her activism journey has been working with other groups that are not diverse.” It is hard because I come off as this fist pumping afro centric person,” she says playfully. “I am willing to sit at the table with anyone and let people hear things they do not want to hear. Gay isn’t a white man, it encompasses more.” Kirven says there is still work that needs to be done in the lesbian community including having a stronger voice for masculine women. “When women embrace masculinity, it’s wrong. We have to change that perception in our community but until then, we will always have a rainbow ceiling.” Kirven wants to see clothing stores on the strip for black women. She is adamant about the need to integrate different cultures; because to her, “it is completely white washed.” Kirven was a founding board member of DFW Pride Movement and was one of the ENDA 4 with

the organization Get Equal. Kirven wanted to focus on racism in the LGBT community so she created Get Equal Now. Get Equal Now tackles injustice inside and outside the gay rights movement. A nationally known artist, her artwork appeared at the 2009 Butch Voices Conference in Oakland, CA and her art was featured in the December 2009 issue of Curve Magazine. Kirven created the first GLBT cell phone documentary, about same sex intimate partner abuse, called The Dark Side of the Rainbow, which was featured at several film festivals around the country. Kirven has recently created a sex toy for lesbians and is currently securing the patent. Kirven is a contributing writer for several LGBT media outlets including; The Rundown, Bilerico, AMBIENTE magazine, Dallas Voice, Bay Windows, Dallas Post Tribune, San Diego Gay & Lesbian News, KVUE ABC, Telemundo, and many others. She is also the creator of TAO Diaries the first comic book to center around a Black lesbian super hero. Kirven hopes her legacy gives more masculine lesbians a voice and the encouragement to reach their dreams. “I want every girl who is a butch or tom boi to know that she is beautiful and loved and she can do anything because she is capable. You have a family, people like me, who care for you and want you to become the person you want to be.” Follow the links to get more information about C.D. Kirven and her various projects. http://www.facebook.com/chastitykirven www.getequalnow.org

We embrace OUR community REIGN WITH US! Www.REINAmag.net

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Shades Retreat

Anondra "Kat" Williams is a writer, poet, radio host and lover of words. She decided to start writing as a means to vent and has since inspired many followers with her aggressive flow and startling stories ever since. Continuing this newly discovered artistic journey, Kat became a staff member of Lesbian Memoirs.com, a site dedicated to the artistic lesbian. She is also Co-Founder/ Editor of LMInc., an up and coming publishing company whose primary focus is on LGBTQ works of art. In 2009, she made a career change that turned out not to be the best move. While recovering, she began to think about life in general. These thoughts led to the creation of Shades Retreat. “I figured if I was thinking this way then there had to be other women who wanted and needed the guidance that I was seeking. The knowledge of how to get back on the right pathway in all aspects of life not just career wise,” explains Kat.

The purpose of Shades Retreat is really simple, empowerment, growth and change for LGBTQ women of color. This is done through a variety of workshops provided by women who teach while living and practicing what they preach. “We love on you, while at the same time acknowledging that hey, to be a better you, you have to accept the lessons being presented to you,” says Kat. Shades retreat is about accepting the possibly that you may be doing things wrong, or even right, but you could also be doing things “righter”. To accomplish these objectives, the setting is designed to make individuals in tune by extracting all life distractions. This includes leaving behind internet, cable TV, shopping, cell phones, and sometimes your partner. The impact of Shades Retreat has been tremendous. “After the first Shades Retreat I got my primary feedback afterwards by watching the interaction between those who had attended on Facebook. Those who claimed each other as sistas, mothers and aunts after just two days, I couldn’t have asked for anything better,” expresses Kat. “I grew and felt those around me sprouting… planting seeds.” The retreat is held the 3rd weekend in April each year. Shades Retreat isn’t for everyone and it isn’t meant to be. It is for those that need what we are offering. Those who are meant to be there will be. You can listen to the unique style of Kat Williams live on her weekly radio show Sipping On Ink… The Colored Chronicles LIVE every Wednesday @ 8pm EST. Please visit www.sippingonink.com and 38 www.shadestreat.com for more information.

Spill the T He, She, Him, Her, They, Them, It…When it comes to describing someone that is different, society doesn’t always make the best decisions on how to embrace those differences, because it is the unknown. REINA sat down with members of the Trans Men community to Spill the T on Transgender culture. A transgender man, or female to male (FTM), is a person who was assigned as a female at birth but identifies as a male. To Carter Brown, director of Black Transmen, Inc., a transman is a “person that has transcended beyond the gender expectations of society. Because most transmen were socialized as girls in childhood, we were encouraged to be nurturing and express emotions; which is an enhancement to our character as we transition into ‘masculine’ identity, and makes us more dimensional men.” Brown has been living as a man for 11 years. The Gentleman* (name has been changed for confidentiality purposes) believes his transition started at birth, but has been medically transitioning since 2009. He has spent his entire life correcting gender confusion and trying to educate individuals along the way. “As a young child I was so sure, already completely convinced, that I was going to function within the male role of society,” says TG*. There are many questions surrounding transgender men as they are not as visible as transgender women. Brown started his trans journey as a masculine female, or stud. There was a void as Brown realized he felt more comfortable as a man not a masculine female. Even though biologically Brown was born female bodied, he does not identify with lesbian culture. “I have always felt like a man attracted to women. Before, I did come through the lesbian community as a dominant female because I lacked knowledge of what a transman was.” After being in lesbian community, he didn’t feel like it was a fit for him. TG* has some of the same parallel experiences. He explains that he empa-

thizes with lesbians in the sense that both groups are minorities within a predominately conservative world, but can’t identify as a lesbian, because lesbians are women. “As much as I love women, I am not and would not want to be one. I tend to avoid the lesbian culture because they have an acute tendency to mistakenly group me along with studs despite educating them differently,” says TG*. “Before you do research, you are only exposed to either straight or gay. In dating women, I never felt the man woman connection that I needed. In society I never received the respect as a man that I felt like I deserved. I knew I wanted to transition so my physical appearance would match my character,” says Brown. Every man has his own journey when it comes to transitioning, but structurally, there are certain guidelines that are followed. First, an individual finds a therapist who specializes in transgender issues and receives a letter of recommendation. “The therapist diagnosis you with Gender Dysphoria and you have to accept this in order to finish the process of transitioning. It is an acceptance under the terms of being abnormal by societal classifications, which signifies that you have a mental disorder and are not okay,” says Brown. Next the individual seeks out a doctor to receive Testosterone or other medicines and advice on surgeries. The dissimilarity of being a Black transman versus general transmen culture for Brown is consciously subjecting themselves to the common struggles that African American men face daily. Brown has experienced discrimination in the workforce and believes he was presented better opportunities in some cases as a butch female than a Black man. All the conflicts of being a Black man in society are there for Brown, including racial profiling. He overcomes these challenges by embracing them. “If we lose who we really are, a fusion of our past and present, the exceptionality of us, we lose ourselves in general. Those qualities make us beyond just men, but trans men,” says Brown. He states that transmen are an elite breed of men because they have experienced both ends of the gender spectrum.

The most trying obstacle that TG* has found while on this journey is the reaction and ostracizing within the LGBT community. For him, a lot of people claim to be of and for the entire community however, the community remains uneducated about the members of the community. “I have been accused of deserting my feminism, turning my back on lesbianism…just to name a few. I cannot desert something that has never been a part of my nature. I have never been a woman in the traditional sense nor a lesbian merely grouped as one due to society’s lack of knowledge about a possible and a visible diversity,” states TG*. Brown is the director of Black Trans Men, Inc., a non -profit organization designed for transitioning men, as well as provides services to the entire LGBTQ community. The organization has a Facebook page exclusively for transmen to build a brotherhood and strong relationships. They discuss various issues, including the joys and pains of transitioning, family and work issues due to transition and more. “We talk about things only relatable for us,” says Brown. According to Brown, not all men identify as trans men, people categorize themselves within different groups so the Facebook and networking is very diverse. There is a major disconnect between transgender experience and the lesbian and gay community. For Brown, he doesn’t feel a sense of inclusion but doesn’t think it is completely intentional. “I believe it is mostly because when transmen transition, they blend into society as ordinary men and/or go stealth, leaving our community with little or no visibility in the lesbian and gay community,” says Brown. “I think mediums such as REINA will aide within improving our visibility as this has already made such an important step in releasing this article just to let others who may be oblivious to our presence know that we are around,” says TG*. “I think this will also be a memorable stepping stone for others within the transgender community to know and have faith that we are welcomed into the LGBT community at large and will be treated with respect once there.” TG* challenges each person who reads this article to get to know a trans person. “I would want individuals to know that despite our past or despite our assigned gender at birth we are men in every sense of

the word. We are not studs, we are not attempting to ‘fool’ anyone. As a man of trans experience, I aim to introduce a new breed of man, one who’s belief system is deeply rooted within family, pride, and culture. One whose character is not overwhelmed and determined by the media’s portrayal of Black men and society’s lowered expectation of us. We go through the same things that each member within this community has. We have lost family, lovers, and friends due to transitioning. We are beat, ostracized, murdered, belittled, discounted, discredited, talked about and walked over…we are the T in the LGBT and our story should never be forgotten or go unspoken.”

Black Transmen, Inc. is a not for profit organization that embodies a movement for equality, empowerment and admiration of African American transmen. We celebrate the beauty, strength and uniqueness of the Black transmasculine community and focus on addressing the issues that are unique to our experience of transitioning. Our goal is to support and encourage healthy growth for transmen, both physically and mentally. We will provoke social change for equality, which in turn helps to prevent suicide. Homelessness, illness or death from disease, self mutilation and many other negative outcomes of discrimination and misinformation of transmen. We emphasize the importance of healthy transitioning with many advocacy areas including: culture, religion, family, employment, health, entertainment, and sexuality through outreach efforts in an area. To know more about Black Transmen, Inc. please visit our website blacktransmen.org or find us on Facebook at facebook.com/BlackTIES or call 855BLK-TMEN.

Click here to watch an interview with Treach, a member of the TG community. 40

Fashion Christy Peach

Ask Jody Q: My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 months. She just got out of a bad relationship not too long before we started dating. I am seriously falling for her and I want to tell her I love her but I don’t want to scare her away. When is too soon to say I love you? –Tongue tied Tongue Tied, Love has no time limit. There are no rules that state a person can only truly love someone after so long. If you feel in your heart that you really mean those words, then by all means tell her how you feel. You might just be surprised by her reaction. There are some people who become afraid and may go into their shells when someone opens up to them. Start with a leading conversation to feel her out and use this as a thermometer to proceed. If she doesn’t respond how you expect give her some time, she may change her mind and maybe she won’t, but whatever she does accept it and respect it. In truth, Jody Q: I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 ½ years. I cheated on her two years into our relationship but we have gotten passed it. I think she is cheating on me and I don’t know what to do. I want to confront her but I don’t want her to know I went through her things to find out or that I don’t trust her. She forgave me but I don’t know if I am able to forgive her. What should I do? –Broken hearted Broken Hearted, We all mess up from time to time. There are questions that you need to ask yourself though: 1) do you love her; 2) do you want the relationship to work; 3) are you willing to work to keep the relationship in tact? If you answered yes to those three then you can forgive her. Forgiveness is not easy by any means and it definitely takes time for trust to be restored once it has been broken. If she was able to forgive you for your indiscretion, why can you not forgive her? Some might say if they both cheated then maybe they don’t need to be together. Cheating may not be the reason you shouldn’t be together, lack of trust is. There can be no relationship without trust. An open, honest discussion with your girl may be what you need to make

your final decision, but remember to weigh everything before you make your decision. In truth, Jody Q: I am in a long distance relationship and have been dating the woman for about 8 months. We used to call/text numerous times throughout the day. We have even talked about her moving. Now, she doesn’t call me as much and we only talk when I initiate the conversations. I asked why things are changing and she said she has been busy. She hasn’t even mentioned anything about moving in weeks. Should I move on to someone else or hold out to see if things will change? –Distant Lover

Distant Lover, In long distance relationships, sometimes life puts a strain on the one mode of communication we have, but we tend to make time for what we want to make time for. Asking the right questions will get you the answers you seek. Don’t settle for “I’ve been busy” without details of what has been keeping her busy. If she gives you a legit reason then give her time, but if it is not, then follow your heart. An easy way of knowing if she is telling you the truth is know your girl’s pattern, everyone has a pattern. If you really want to know the *Image retrieved fr truth then the best method is to ask for it. In truth, Jody

The Pink

Please email all questions or comments to Ask Jody at editor@reinamag.net.

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Her Name was Jacqueline Dunn

Her name was Jacqueline Dunn. The goddess that sits at the throne of my perverse sub-conscious mind. The rubric by which all of my cougar candidates are judged. The foundation for my pussy palette. Honor her. The first time I met Mrs. Dunn, she invited me in her office so that we could “go over” a few things. Too bad she was my 46 year old elementary school counselor, and too bad we were only “going over” my 2nd grade placement test. Had you asked me, I was on a mission to making a killer first impression on this gorgeous woman, and I was successful! So much so that she recommended I leave and attend a Vanguard school instead. Extra lucky for me, my mother respectfully declined to bus her 6 year old kid across town, just to receive the best public education the greater metro area offered. This left me to expanding my academic abilities by working for the adulation of this woman instead - something that would bite my academic endeavors in the big, fat ass over and over again, for years to come.

Up until the 6th grade, running into Mrs. Dunn at school was the highlight of my week. I remember helping Mr. Zachary with his hallway bulletin board one day, and when I rom Google Images turned to grab more of the corrugated border, she hit the corner. I almost fucking stapled my finger.

Elephant

She walked like she was the principal of the school and glided as if she were one of the Emerald City Sequence dancers from The Wiz. She was bad and she knew she was bad. That day she wore her Versace 676 eyeglasses- with the gold bar that ran across the top; a red and black, silk Chanel blousewith the gold chain print; black skirt, sheer panty-

hose, and 4 inch pumps. On top of that, she rocked a faux hawk- short and slick around the sides and tapered back, with a 3 inch golden blonde hawk styled on top. Mrs. Dunn was classy and poised, but it was her sexy demeanor and attitude that sent me to the clouds. She was always about business. As for her personal life, I imagined her sitting up in bed some nights, after pacifying her husband, thinking up her next move while smoking a Virginia Slim. I imagined her as being the type to think of marriage as a business merger rather than a partnership of two people in love with one another. Those were good days, but, I loved dropping by Mrs. Dunn’s office even more. I’d always finish my work first so the teacher would ask me to run her errands; and no matter where she sent me, I always went by to see my lady- she wasn’t ready. Everything was kosher unless they had Ms. Hartman, our bullhorn carrying lunch monitor, covering for Mrs. Graham, our front desk clerk. You could have sworn there was a Marine One helipad on the roof of the school the way Ms. Hartman’s cock-blocking ass would guard the front desk. It was cool because in good teacher’s pet fashion I got in another way. After putting a smile on Mrs. Dunn’s face, I made it a point to leave out the front entrance just to show Ms. Hartman that she wasn’t running shit. Fast forward 20 years to the present day, and as I write this article, I thought to track Mrs. Dunn down and contact her. Needless to say, she is still holding strong at the school, and the second highest paid counselor in the district- about $80,000. After three days of nervousness and hesitation, I called up to my alma mater but got no answer. The next day I realized that it was mid-June and that all the schools were closed-idiot. So much for that, but I do not mind waiting until the fall to speak or even lay eyes on her again once more. Her name was Jacqueline Dunn…my first crush. Share your story at the REINA Dallas Magazine FaceBook page. About the author: B. Weston Bricoleur. Lame. Narcissistic. Conscious. Perverse. Square. Lesbian.

     For Women | About Women | By Women

Contributing Writers Jody B. Watson Vonnie Spiv

Creative Production CaSandra|Nikole Please submit all story ideas and letters to us at editor@reinamag.net