Little moments

from Luxe Issue 69 May/Jun 2021

Chic cushions

The importance of positive memory making...

I love watching nature come alive in spring; the delicate buds, the emerging leaves and the lively birdsong. But it’s the smells that really energise me. The scent of freshly-cut grass always takes me back to my childhood, making me feel happy and content. When we moved into our home over a decade ago, I planted jasmine, lavender and lilac near the garden gate so when I walked by, I would literally stop and smell the flowers. These fragrances improve my mood, help me to press pause and be present. But it’s not just me. There is a scientific reason why these miniscule scent particles can evoke powerful memories and feel-good reactions. Because we absorb so much sensory data on a daily basis, our other senses go through a filter so we don’t become overwhelmed. Our sense of smell however, is wired uniquely and it heads straight to the subconscious part of our mind. The processed information from the scent particles is carried to our emotional centre and then it settles in our memory zone. This is why, when we unexpectedly smell the familiar but long-forgotten scents of our past, we can almost relive those moments. Memories come flooding back. In psychology, a distinction is made between the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is basically our intellectual mind and it governs everything in our awareness. Your conscious mind is currently reading these printed words. It then filters the information into your subconscious if it deems it valuable. As adults, we are quite used to dipping into our subconscious mind during the day, to help remember the date of an anniversary or to reminisce about a holiday abroad. Our subconscious also helps us to do things we need to do automatically, such as drive a car. Without our subconscious, we would have to relearn how to drive every time we got behind the wheel! Interestingly, children - for the first seven years of their lives - have pretty much direct access to their subconscious mind. They haven’t developed a filter yet, so anything they hear or see or experience goes directly into their subconscious. You can imagine that this can be truly overwhelming; hence babies crying when they are over-stimulated and toddlers having meltdowns when they have had a busy day. It’s completely natural. They sit and observe and absorb everything in their environment and I mean ‘everything’. This is wonderful if children have a loving, nurturing upbringing. They will have soaked up empathetic words, exciting opportunities and experiences of hugs, kisses and affection. A child’s subconscious mind then attaches meaning to these experiences, in the form of thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions. If a child is told that they are loved and are brave and kind, then they will believe it. They will have positive self-talk, they will feel good about themselves and they will be willing to take risks and succeed. However, what about a child who has absorbed words such as lazy, disobedient or bad? What about a child who has been told to sit on the ‘naughty step’ or go to their room? What about a child who has been starved of attention and affection? All of these memories will seep into their subconscious and stay there, becoming deep-rooted. I’m sure you can recall a time from your childhood when you felt embarrassed or lonely. It could be when you were left out of playground games, when your parents caught you lying or when a teacher reprimanded you in front of the class. Whatever it was, I’m sure it will also bring up negative emotions. If a child repeatedly has damaging experiences, the subconscious will attach negative thoughts, feelings and reactions to the memories. And how do these present themselves? Usually in the form of difficult or challenging behaviour. These children eventually become anxious, angry, withdrawn or frustrated. Do you know that the data collected in the subconscious in early childhood actually becomes the ‘programme’ our mind follows for life? It’s our auto-pilot. The first seven years mould us and we develop patterns of values, beliefs, morals and judgements. If you have a strong work ethic, it’s probably because growing up, you witnessed someone in your close family working hard. The value of hard work was ingrained in your mind. Alternatively, you may have witnessed the complete opposite and so you have made a conscious effort to knuckle down. If we aren’t aware of our actions as an adult, we usually find that our current behaviour is rooted in our childhood. The good news is that we now know, through advances in neuroscience and particularly in the field of neuroplasticity, that we can rewire our brain. We can rewire it to feel happier, calmer and more content. But what about our children? If you’re sitting here thinking about the time you called your child ‘stupid’, worried that you have scarred them for life, then please don’t berate yourself. The power of the mind is phenomenal and to a certain extent, we can reverse some of the damage done. By committing to being mindful of our words and actions around our children, we can ensure that the experiences absorbed into their subconscious mind are appropriate, loving and encouraging. In fact, I have a brand-new programme called the Tranquil Transformation which does just that. It clears the mental clutter and helps children build self-esteem, confidence and resilience. I give parents a specific process to follow to positively influence their child’s subconscious mind. It’s almost like ‘emotional insurance’. Through the programme, you prepare your child for a wonderful future by filling their mind with affectionate and affirming thoughts. One of the many incredible responsibilities we have as a parent is being the co-architects of our children’s minds. So the next time there is a wonderful spring scent in the air, squeeze your child’s hand and give them a smile. This special memory will go straight into their subconscious and will be stored for life.

Nadia x

Nadia McSheffrey is founder of The Tranquil Treehouse. Nadia works with parents to help them be the parent they want to be and find tranquility in their family lives. She also works with children and teachers to support their own emotional wellbeing. For more information and daily parenting support, follow her at: thetranquiltreehouse.com and on Facebook and Instagram @tranquiltreehouse

Our aim is to ensure that our girls flourish in a warm, nurturing environment where they are supported to take risks, step outside their comfort zones and develop their skills

amazing individuals. Our girls talk openly about the sense of belonging they feel as part of the NHSG family and our school is the perfect size to ensure that each girl is known and valued as an individual. Alongside an inspiring curriculum, which we regularly review to respond to a changing world, we offer an extensive co-curricular programme that challenges girls to develop their skills, independence and confidence. Plus, our membership of the Girls’ Day School Trust offers our girls so many additional opportunities beyond those available in our region.

What can you tell us about your vision and aims for the Junior School? My vision for Junior School is to build further on the current provision in place to engender a truly inspiring learning environment where academic excellence is a given. Junior School will provide an outstanding foundation for eventual progression into Senior School, and staff across Junior and Senior School will collaborate regularly to ensure that each stage builds effectively upon the previous one across the full range of subjects and co-curricular activities. This will ensure each individual girl can follow her passion.

Talking head

Newcastle High School for Girls (NHSG), which has been under the transformational leadership of Head Michael Tippett since 2018, has now appointed its new Head of Junior School. We chat to Amanda Hardie who is broadening her existing responsibilities at NHSG by taking on the new role - and she can’t wait

Does happiness come before academic performance when children are at Junior School? Happiness goes hand in hand with academic performance for girls in Junior School. Our aim is to ensure that our girls flourish in a warm, nurturing environment where they are supported to take risks, step outside

How do you feel about being appointed as the Head of Junior School at NHSG? I’m absolutely delighted! I have loved being able to spend more time in Junior School since taking up the role of Acting Head of Junior School at Christmas. My new role provides such an exciting opportunity to build further upon our whole school ethos and ensure that there is a completely joined up approach to curriculum development, teaching and learning and our extensive co-curricular provision across Junior and Senior School.

What can you tell us about your background before taking up this role? Up until December 2020 I was Deputy Head Academic in Senior School and I’m so pleased that my new role allows me to retain that responsibility alongside the headship of Junior School, as it’s a role I really love. I have worked in girls’ education since 1997, initially at Church High School where I was Director of Studies until the merger with Central High School in 2014, when Newcastle High School for Girls was established.

Can you sum up what is so special about NHSG Junior School? Where do I start? It would be easy to list our outstanding facilities, the excellent teaching, the stunning woodland grounds or the sporting opportunities on offer but it is so much more than that. NHSG Junior School is a warm, welcoming community made up of their comfort zone and develop their skills through a wide range of curricular and co-curricular opportunities. Our staff are experts in the education of girls and our curriculum is designed to encourage independence, creativity and enquiry. When girls feel safe and happy they are more likely to flourish academically, and when they flourish academically they get a sense of achievement that brings happiness. It’s a winning formula.

NHSG seems to have an impressive co-curricular programme – can you tell us what’s on offer at the Junior School? For September 2021 we have redesigned our co-curricular programme to ensure that all girls are given the opportunity to participate in a wide range of activities. A number of music clubs will run each week, including choirs, a Junior Orchestra and Samba Band. Alongside this, a programme of sport will be on offer and from Year 3 this will take place on our Senior School site so that our girls benefit from the facilities on offer there. Girls from Year 2 to 6 will also have the opportunity to participate in a carousel of creative activities that will run throughout the year on a Wednesday evening and on Thursday evenings we will offer Year 2 to 6 an academic enrichment programme that will inspire curious young minds.

Children have had a tough time over the past year, what’s been the biggest issue and how do you plan to support them to get back on track? This year has been incredibly tough on children, despite our best efforts to ensure that our girls were supported through a programme of lessons each day as part of our guided home learning provision. It was tough on parents, too, many of whom were trying to work from home alongside supporting their children with school work. Some of our youngest children will not remember a time when social distancing didn’t exist. They’ve missed out on hugs with grandparents, family and friends. Our assessment programme has allowed us to identify any academic gaps resulting from the time spent working at home and we have clear plans in place across Junior School to address any concerns identified. Well-being activities, pastoral support and opportunities for fun, laughter and happiness are also a priority for us.

How do you unwind away from work? I get so much pleasure and fulfilment from my career and I have always been so grateful for the opportunity to work in such an amazing school. Outside of work, I enjoy spending time with family and friends. Under normal circumstances, that would include lots of travel, as I love exploring new places with my husband and two teenage daughters. Covid-19 has meant that hasn’t happened this year, but I’m hopeful that one day in the not too distant future I will need my passport again!

NHSG was named Sunday Times North East Independent Senior School of the Year in 2020. To find out more about what’s on offer for girls aged 3 - 18, visit: newcastlehigh.gdst.net

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