Presented By: Reproductive Sciences Medical Center
Introduction •
Couples struggling to conceive can experience levels of stress and anxiety as extreme as patients undergoing cancer treatments. The process reminds us that we don't have absolute control over our bodies or our fertility. It is frustrating, to say the least, and can be excruciatingly painful the more time goes on.
Ways To Help A Friend Who's Struggling To Conceive Don't assume what worked for you, your friend, your sister, your mother, a celebrity or anyone else will work for them Don't Offer Well-Meaning Solutions Ask What She Needs Stay Away From Positive Anecdotes Be Prepared To Stay Off The Topic Be Conscious Of Her Partner's Feelings Too
Ask What She Needs •
Different people require different things in times of severe personal stress, which is likely what this is. She may want somebody to vent to, somebody to come to doctor's appointments, somebody to ignore everything and just watch Netflix and have involved conversations about Shonda Rhimes with.
Be Prepared To Stay Off The Topic •
She doesn't want to talk about it? Don't talk about it. Stay away from it completely. Avoid pregnant women, baby shops, bottles, and steer her away from any cooing ads on the television where pampered fat bubs look adoringly at their mothers while selling life insurance or something.
Stay Away From Positive Anecdotes • My friend tried IVF and was pregnant first time my sister couldn't conceive, but then she just relaxed and it happened naturally my aunt had fertility troubles, but she had endometriosis, which is so much worse than what's happening to you — none of this is helpful.
Don't Ask Invasive Questions •
The "so, how's the old baby-making going?" question, while it may come from a sincere place of love and the desire to comfort, is likely going to come across as pressuring and invasive. Wait for her to bring up what's going on and how she's feeling, and be willing to hear it when she does.
Don't offer Well-Meaning SolutionS • I can guarantee that, if she's been trying for a while, she's heard it. Green juices, sex in the morning/at midnight/under a full moon, covering herself in chocolate and standing on her head: essentially anything you can recommend will likely have been tried. If she asks for suggestions, sure, fire away.
Be Conscious Of Her Partner's Feelings Too •
The partner in this situation is probably struggling too. After all, chances are equal that the root cause of the fertility struggle lies in their biology. Don't act like it's a one-woman experience; both partners are likely getting to grips with the continual setbacks, and that may mean anger, misery, helplessness, and grief. Always acknowledge the partner's feelings and ask after their welfare.
• Reproductive Sciences Medical Center is the San Diego based fertility clinic and reproductive center in California. These are just a few ideas that can help you know what to say and do when you’re trying to support a woman who is struggling to get pregnant.