CHAPTER 2: The Danger of Anger

c HAP t E r 2

THE DANGER OF ANGER

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.” Proverbs 22:24-25, NIV

This is a very different warning from those you may have received if you grew up focused on finding the “right crowd.” Solomon is not saying to associate only with people of like social status. He’s not urging you to make sure that everyone around you makes you feel comfortable, and he’s not saying to have friends who are a step up rather than down the social ladder from you so they will pull you up, not down. What Solomon is talking about here is character. It is character, not income, which makes a difference. It is character, not similarity of culture, which makes a good friend. Moreover, Solomon has focused on one particular character flaw as being perhaps the most dangerous. Let’s look at another statement made by Solomon: “Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

Maybe you thought “road rage” was a new thing; that it is the stress of a technological age that causes otherwise peaceful people to become angry. However, Solomon wrote these words long before traffic jams, time clocks, and credit card bills! Anger has been making

fools of people for centuries. You know the ones Solomon is talking about. You see them walking through the mall or driving down the road with a smile on their face. Yet as soon as the littlest thing goes wrong, they absolutely explode! The truth is, they didn’t get mad that fast; they were already mad. They are walking around mad 24/7, 365 days a year. The Bible says that their anger “rests in their bosom.” That means it is right there under the surface—ready to explode at any time.

Listen to Solomon’s divinely inspired advice about these people. He says, “When you find someone like that, do not associate with that person for it will become a snare to you; you will learn to be like them” (paraphrase of Proverbs 22:24-25). When you find someone whose anger is just under the surface, it is unresolved conflict every time. Somewhere, back down the line, they believe somebody mistreated them and they have not forgiven them. Because they have not dealt with their anger, it constantly simmers under the surface.

Anger itself is not wrong. In fact, you can even be angry without sinning. Basically, anger is a strong feeling of exasperation or dislike over something. Everyone feels it from time to time. It is one of the many feelings we are all wired with. But that doesn’t give us an excuse to act ugly or do wrong to others! Instead, we should think of anger as an alarm to tell us that we need to deal with something.

It is our responsibility to choose to deal with anger the right way. Ephesians 4:26 says, “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” If held in the heart, anger fuels unforgiveness, inspires resentment, and breeds bitterness. It leads to unkind words and actions that cause damaging wounds and great regret. Bitterness poisons the person holding it and ruins even the best of their relationships.

The truth is, we should not even end our prayers with “amen” if we have anger in our hearts! Jesus said, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25). Forgiving is something you are to do when you pray, or literally, “whenever

you pray.” Some translations even say “every time you pray.” I believe Jesus said that expecting us to pray at least once every day! We are to go to God with the issues that angered us, receive His grace to forgive those who hurt us, and leave them in God’s hands.

“Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath,” we are told. You were not designed to stay angry. You need to release it and to forgive. If you do not, you will become one of those people with a smile on their face but with anger resting just under the surface. And, from time to time, explosions will occur!

Nobody goes to the doctor and says, “I accidentally touched a hot stove yesterday and it hurt for several seconds. Can you make sure I never feel any pain again?” However, if you twist your knee on Monday, and it is still just as painful 24 hours later, you would likely say, “There is something very wrong.” You would try to find out how to get rid of the pain. The brief pain from a hot stove is informative and helpful, but continuous pain is just plain miserable. Some things are not meant to last more than a short while. Anger is one of those things.

“See to it that no one falls from God’s grace; that no bitterness springs up to cause trouble and spoil everybody’s life” Hebrews 12:15 (TNT). The Bible says that if you are that person that has anger resting in your bosom, “it will spring up.” Notice what it says will happen next: “it will spoil everybody’s life.” It doesn’t just spoil your life, or even the life of the one who you are mad at. Instead, it will spoil your spouse’s life, and it will spoil your child’s life. It will spoil your co-workers life. Everybody around you will be affected because bitterness and hatred cannot be focused like a laser beam; they are always like atomic bombs leaving collateral damage in every direction.

Some things are not meant to last more than a short while. Anger is one of those things.

That is why the Bible tells us to watch our associations. In Proverbs 14:29 (NIV), Solomon says, “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.” Proverbs 19:19 (NIV) says, “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.” Why will he repeat the same mistake? It is because he has anger resting in his bosom, and no matter how hard he tries to keep a smile on his face, he can’t. Because he refuses to release his anger by forgiving, he cannot help but blow up again and again.

We also cannot afford to forget the last part of Mark 11:25 where we are instructed to forgive so our Father in heaven may also forgive us our trespasses. When you forgive, the anger that has been resting in your bosom will begin to dissolve, and you literally become a different person.

Jesus says your heart needs to be searched for unresolved conflict and unforgiveness regularly. At the least, each time you pray. You shouldn’t go to sleep or say “amen” while still reserving the right to stay angry with anyone. If you are interested in living life to the fullest, you must learn to release your anger daily. You must develop the habit of forgiveness and make patience a way of life.

Remember, the character of those with whom you choose to associate will make a huge impact on the quality and direction of your life. An angry, short-tempered person is damaging to anyone foolish enough to stay close. Proverbs 13:20 (NIV) says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm.” In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) reinforces this saying, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”