CHAPTER 19: The Importance of Choosing Friends

c HAP t E r 19

THE IMPORTANCE OF CHOOSING FRIENDS

“Don’t envy wicked men and don’t desire their company for their heart plots violence and their lips talk of making trouble.”

Proverbs 24:1

Look closely at why Solomon says that you should not desire the company of wicked men. He didn’t say it was because of the evil things they are doing. This scripture says it is because of what they think, and what they say. In addition to addressing their thoughts, when he tells us to not envy he is telling us to watch what we think. Envy is a thought process. Envy involves you seeing someone else’s life or possessions and thinking intently about how much you wish that life or those things were yours. It is a form of meditation. Eastern religions talk a lot about meditation but that is actually a very different kind of meditation than Biblical meditation. In most eastern religions the goal of meditation is to empty your mind of thoughts. They will attempt to repeat a meaningless mantra until they can stop thinking about anything at all. They believe that brings them closer to the peaceful nothingness they call heaven or Nirvana.

Biblical meditation is not about emptying your mind but about filling it up. We should meditate on God’s Word in order to be filled with its truth and power. Envy is a form of meditating but on something inappropriate.

Why do the thoughts and speech of our friends matter so much? Why didn’t God say we could have any friendship we would like as long as we don’t commit any sins with those who commit them? Of course the answer is because God knows us even better than we know ourselves. no matter what your

In Matthew 12:35 Jesus intentions are to said, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings begin with, you will forth good things and an evil man out of the evil treasure ultimately move in brings forth evil things.” God the direction of your knows that no matter what your intentions are to begin dominant thought with, you will ultimately move in the direction of your dominant thought. We looked at the story of Elijah a few chapters ago. How even after experiencing a chain of incredible successes he dwelled on Jezebel’s threats against his life and became suicidal.

Today’s thoughts are tomorrow’s actions. Today’s bigotry is tomorrow’s prejudice. Today’s lust is tomorrow’s adultery. Today’s greed is tomorrow’s embezzlement. Jeremiah 6:9 says, “I will certainly bring calamity on this people, the fruit of their thoughts, because they have not heeded My words.” Have you ever noticed how the things you think on will grow just like a farmer’s seeds will grow in the ground? Jesus said in Matthew 12:33, “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit.” Jesus isn’t talking about trees of course. He is talking about people. A tree doesn’t change but people do. The tree is your heart. If you make your heart good you will produce good fruit.

If you make your heart bad, you will produce bad fruit. So what will determine the direction for your heart? Your thoughts will direct your heart. The things you meditate on will determine the nature of your heart which in turn determines the fruit of your life. And who chooses your thoughts? You do.

Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous chooses his friends carefully. For the way of the wicked leads them astray.” The people around us and their conversations as well as our surroundings all have an effect on us. This is especially true for those we allow into our inner circles whether we like to admit it or not. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says famously, “Don’t be deceived, evil company corrupts good habits or good morals.”

Several years ago I met with a business man who had just returned from a very celebrated seminar. I was anxious to try and glean some wisdom from him so I asked “tell me, what are some predominant things you picked up? Is there anything that really stood out to you?” He responded that “the speaker told us ‘If you wrote down the names of your five closest associates and friends and then put their yearly incomes beside their names, the average of those incomes would be your income.’ So I tried it and it worked!” The same principle that Solomon is talking about the seminar speaker had applied to the financial realm. I don’t know for sure how precise that financial example really is but I know that scripture is right on when it says “bad company corrupts good morals.” It is often interesting how unaware we are of the influences of our friends but that doesn’t diminish the effect any.

Haggai 2:12 says, “If one carries holy meat in the fold of his garment, and with edge he touches bread or stew, wine or oil, or any food, will it become holy?” Then the priests answered and said “No” and Haggai said, “If one who is unclean because of a dead body touches any of these will it be unclean?” So the priests answered and said “It shall be unclean.” The principle here is that it is much easier for something unclean to contaminate that which is clean than for the

something clean to purify something unclean. 1 Corinthians 15:13 didn’t say “good company improves bad morals.” 1 Corinthians 5: 9-11 says, “I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.” Let’s close this chapter by applying this to our own lives. If I am going to follow Biblical advice who will my friends be? First, your closest friends will be people whom you have carefully selected in order to avoid hypocrisy and sin. For your outer circles of friendship you may carefully include people of the world for it is by observing the love you show for your fellow Christians that they will come to know God. But anyone who claims to be a righteous Christian yet excuses sin in their life, or anyone who would say or attempt to imply that the sin in their life is acceptable don’t even eat with them.