REVED QUARTERLY WINTER 2016/17 by Reved Quarterly

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Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 1 ½

From The Editor’s Van Down By The River IMPROMPTU PHOTO CONTEST WINNER Just now, I’ve decided Lori Anderson is the winner of a photo contest Reved’s doing. For this “VICE” issue, she visited the headstone of Judge Matthew Begbie, aka. the Hanging Judge. She wins..I dunno. A hoodie. OK. Next issue’s theme is “UNSEEN REVELSTOKE.” “ABSOLUTELY UN-PUTDOWNABLE” ... LETTERS TO THE EDITOR, SORT OF I just got back from Vancouver Island and had an idea for an article. Not that I would want to write it. Just thought it might be interesting to your readers(especially non-Canadian’s) to learn a bit o’ Canadian history from Revelstoke street names and places. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been a big history fan. (I probably flunked it in high school.) However, my interest in history was piqued when at the Ross Bay Cemetery in Victoria, I stumbled across the tombstone of none other than Sir Matthew Bailey Begbie, “The Hanging Judge.” I thought it might be an idea to run a series on street names and places around Revelstoke to educate us flunkies/ foreigners about the place we call home. Cheers and Happy New Year, Lori Anderson. [Thanks, Lori! I love the idea. I watched a doc once about Begbie. Apparently at one trial, after a jury didn’t sentence the defendant to be hanged, Judge Begbie told the whole lot they ought to be. He didn’t get the nickname for nothing! Thanks for the pic. I dedicate the next history “edumacation” page to all the flunkies and foreigners.] I just read Reved for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed it! It was funny, easy to read, to the point and had a very personable approach to reading about community news. Keep up the good work! Carlie Ball of the Twisted Berry. [Thanks, Carlie! If only it were as great as your fro-yo…] I came across your paper the other day and have to say I love it. I just moved to Revy for two years (typical Aussie coming to Canada). I would love to write something. I write a travel blog in my own time. Cheers, Kylie. [Right on, Kylie. Reved’s always looking for writers, Aussie or otherwise. Read Kylie’s funny first post about being in Canada at kyliestravel. wordpress.com.] Thought you’d appreciate another phallic building from my former hometown. Enjoyed the infrastructure edition! (Re. In other news, Fall 2016). Cheers, Mike [Hi Mike, the Queen’s Warf Tower in Newcastle is certainly up there for most phallic buildings. Thanks!]

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2 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

Brothels, Opium and Revy’s Original Rockstars Once a frontier town, a man’s world, a place of loose laws and morals, is the quaint, polished little mountain town you see today. We clean up nicely, eh? >> BY PETER WORDEN

t’s no secret Revelstoke was born a masculine logging and rail town a little rough around the edges. Brothels abounded. So did hotel bars, illegal stills and opium dens. The place was basically one big Bacchanalia. In the seediest part of town was Farwell where Front Street is today. It started out filled with dudes mostly single or far away from their families.

“It wasn’t a very family-friendly town.” “It was very Wild West-looking, brothels and saloons, hotels, general stores,” says Cathy English, curator and supreme-wealth-of-information at the Revelstoke Museum & Archives. “It was very much a construction town. It wasn’t a very family-friendly town.” Paging back through the great broadsheet of time, Cathy has amassed a collection of newspaper stories about hidden fields of opium poppies, whiskey stills, cold-blooded murder, government profiting off the avails of drugs and prostitution and a bunch about Revy’s first badass Motley Crew of a brass brand.

Revy started out as a Wild West town but it quickly tried to put that reputation in the past. The church eventually petitioned City Hall to shut down the Red Light District and seedier drinking establishments. “There was a respectable element of society that didn’t like that aspect,” she said. As brothels, opium dens and pool halls turned to banks, churches and schools, Revy established itself as the proper town it is today. Is it boring? Maybe. But to English: “Oh, it has its own excitements. Just read the Stoke List.” 

SEX AND THE CITY

Brothels and seedy hotels, Revy had its share. There wasn’t just a brothel in our fair town’s past—there were several brothels. Most of the red-light and disorderly houses (there were several euphemisms) were in lower town. There was also the famed and aptly named Climax Hotel, which I can’t even get into right now. Brothels were illegal. But jailing women associated with them was much less profitable for the local government than simply catching, fining and releasing them.

CK CHE



This photo shows the “Ladies of Farwell” and a rare glimpse into an entertainment room of one Revelstoke’s early brothels. Check the women’s beautiful gowns and look closely at the saucy painting on the wall. (PHOTO COURTESY OF REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES.)

“You could probably say Revelstoke was living off the avails of prostitution to some extent,” explains English. “They were getting a good chunk of money from it.” “We have a city police registry from 1900 to about 1907 and in one year I counted the names of 50 different women who were brought in on charges of prostitution. Many of them were brought in several times a year.” Women were charged between four and five dollars if they were what they called an ‘in-

mate’ of a house or $20 if they were a ‘keeper’ or ‘madam’ of a house. And $20 in 1900 was a lot of money.” “Sometimes if a new woman came in and tried to get established they would sort of head her off at the pass and put her on the next train,” said English. “The ones [in town] were accepted but frowned upon by polite society.” For decades, it was part of the culture. In the 1920s, one mayor tried to shut down the brothels. Rumour was he was forced to leave town after a Molotov

cocktail was thrown through the window of his house. After all, many of the women had been here since the 1880s and were well established. They fundraised. They helped women with babies. For all intents and purposes they were model citizens. One brothel managed to stay open into the mid-1940s. But, eventually puritans prevailed and a Christian-oriented YMCA soon offered healthier, more wholesome entertainment for men at the Revelstoke Railway YMCA across from where the Cabin is today.

Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 3

More Sex, Drugs & Rock n’ Roll

WANT MORE COOL HISTORY? YA YOU DO. VISIT THE REVELSTOKE MUSEUM.

REVY VICE Was opium a common pastime? “It’s not one of my areas of expertise,” says English, adding she hasn’t seen many accounts of use in town, mainly because opium dens operated more covertly than brothels. Alcohol, instead, was the main vice. As opium dens in the Chinese community went underground, hotels sprung up with pool tables and cigar rooms so they could have a bar license. “That was the easiest way to get a liquor license.”

A REGULAR WALTER WHITE Let’s go back to the Roaring 1920s. Opium has been illegal for more than a decade, but here in Revelstoke, it hasn’t entirely gone out of fashion. In the memoirs of a customs and excise clerk named Jacob Hart Munro, he describes stumbling across a camouflaged quarter-acre of white opium poppies where the “ground was covered by thick hemlock timber … and this was surrounded by sunflowers at least 10 feet high and planted so close that one could hardly see what was growing inside.” His discovery resulted in the arrest of Walter Langton of Big Eddy who ran a full-fledged operation to process and manufacture the finest quality opium, plus a liquor still to boot.

BUSTED. For years, the use of opiates in Canada went unregulated. In the 1850s, Chinese immigrants came to British Columbia in droves, establishing opium dens in little places like Revelstoke. The government more or less turned a blind eye. It saw Chinese immigrants as cheap labour and chose instead to impose a tax on opium factories to gain revenue in 1871. However, after interviewing opium merchants in B.C., then-Minister of Labour, future Prime Minister—and total buzzkill—Mackenzie King saw the growing number of opium users as worrisome. He believed Canada had to set a precedent on drug use worldwide. In 1908, the government enacted the Opium Act, which made it an offence to import, manufacture, possess or sell opium.

ABOVE: Roy Smyth in his store (where Somewon Collective stands today) selling hookahs on the counter. BELOW: A field of white poppies in the Big Eddy. (PHOTOS COURTESY OF REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES.)

PUT THAT IN YOUR OPIUM PIPE AND SMOKE IT. What happened after opium was eventually outlawed in 1908 was that it fell into a racially-tinged version of illegality. Police were, shall we say, selective about whom they busted. The Revelstoke Review accounted for several arrests targeting Chinese-owned properties. One headline on February 17, 1921 read: CHINAMEN FINED $800 AND COSTS FOR SMOKING OPIUM. It tells a story of police raiding the “Chinese premises ” of 23 Front Street in Farwell at one o’clock in the morning, and “resulted in gathering in four Celestials” smoking opium with “considerable paraphernalia.” The police magistrate fined them $200 each, which was a freaking fortune then. As a default, they could do six months of hard labour in Oakalla prison in Burnaby. On February 24, 1921, another headline read: SEVEN CHINAMEN FINED $20 EACH FOR SMOKING OPIUM. And on March 11, 1925, Lee Gow and Wong Kar were charged with smoking and possessing opium. It was dismissed after their defense called a doctor to testify that they suffered from an acute rheumatic affliction, and he had prescribed the use of opium to alleviate the suffering of the accused. (PHOTOS COURTESY OF REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES.) Yoga & Wellness

Bet you didn’t know about Revelstoke’s first band. It formed on New Years Day a mere 120 years ago. Yes, rock n’ roll history was made right here in 1897. The Revelstoke Brass Band toured hotel bars, playing cornets, violins and drums. One of their first gigs that year was a Chinese funeral, but they told the funeral organizer they had no suitable music. So, they were told to just make noise. Violinist Burt Campbell is reported to have said later (in true rock-n’-roll style), “The engagement was performed in accord with specification and a noise was made.” Rock on, Burt. A couple years later in 1899, a man by the name of R.H. Sawyer took over as bandmaster. The band gifted him a new slide trombone. In return, he decided to get the band some uniforms. He ordered what they called “cow’s breakfast” hats made of straw and cotton duck jackets. Only, the cotton hadn’t been pre-washed, so it shrunk too small to fit any of them—and rockstar tight pants were born.

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ROCK N’ ROLL ALL NIGHT AND PARTY EVERY DAY ... The band got by doing gigs at the Opera House as well as local plays and minstrel shows. They got their big break headlining for the Nakusp Fruit Fair. The band’s drummer Theodore Haller—like all drummers—was a little different. He had a penchant for limburger cheese and as a practical joke he put cheese in the mouthpieces of all the band’s instruments. When the band hit their instruments on a hot summer day, according to Campbell, “one by one they retreated to hang over the railing outside and expectorate until nearly all the band was thus engaged.” They stayed the Revelstoke Brass Band until 1901 when they renamed themselves the Revelstoke City Band. When funding for their instruments and uniforms was turned down, they renamed themselves the Revelstoke Independent Band to show they didn’t need nobody. Now that’s rock n’ roll.  When the band was called to play, players sometimes had to choose between a gig and shutting down their businesses. “Where business interferes with pleasure, cut out business,” said the bandmaster. (PHOTO COURTESY OF REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES.)

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4 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

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Booze Newz

Have a story?—Write me please I get so lonely online reved.net email editor@reved.net

A distillery on every block!

An explosion of craft beer and spirits has hit BC and now, Revelstoke. Welcome to the new Booze Capital.

(LEFT) Gareth Jones stares intently out the second-storey window of Mountain View School, soon to be Jones Distillery. It will be “about as far away from the industrial end of the spectrum as you can get,” says Jones. (RIGHT) The display window of Monashee Spirits Craft Distillery on Mackenzie Avenue.

>> BY PETER WORDEN

t’s official: Revelstoke is in the midst of a booze boom. Two new craft distilleries are being built as we speak, and as Revy’s hometown fav Mount Begbie brewery moves into a larger location, it won’t be the only brewery on the block for long. A new craft brewery is also looking to start up this year. The sheer volume of quality, local alcohol to choose from will be enough to drive you drink. (And if the plan goes accordingly, it will be enough for lots of people to drive here to drink.) However, while all this booze may be a boon to the local economy for some, it’s a thorn in the side of others. Reved takes a look at what this means for town in the year ahead. WHAT PAIRS WELL WITH A DISTILLERY? Last fall, the big talk was about Mountain View School and a mysterious out-of-towner with plans to buy the beloved but increasingly rundown heritage building and transform it into a part-distillery, part-medical clinic. That lucky man is Gareth Jones (but please, call him Jonah). He has his work cut out for him. The school requires an immense amount of repair, re-design and removal of layers upon layers of wallboard slapped on brick. On the plus side, Jonah did inherit all the construction paper, paper towel dispensers and old snow shoes he can possibly handle. In addition to the monumental task of refurbishing the school, the most contentious part of the plan at the moment seems to be about the medical clinic. News of the unusual combo distillery and medical clinic made the rounds on local social media.

“On the face of it, it sounds a bit quirky. But the building is big. Very big,” he said, explaining why a distillery and a medical clinic pair reasonably well together. “I think the humour is definitely not missed on me. I think when you see the detail and the layout of separate entrances and floors for both businesses, you have something more akin to buildings downtown. I think that’s the best way to conceptualize it.”

So why a clinic and not, say, a second-hand shop or automotive garage? “I think that may be a stage too far—have a drink whilst your tires are changed,” jokes Gareth, whose wife Carolyn is in fact a family physician. In addition to a tasting room in the distillery, the medical clinic will have the added benefit to the public of retaining access to the building. “I thought it would be a shame for a building that had been so woven into the fabric of Revelstoke over the last 100 years, and one which so many people had been through, if “I feel very privileged to be a people could no longer come and custodian of a building like this.” visit it,” he said. “I feel very privileged to be a custodian of a building like this. It’s quite unique.” Jonah is originally from the More strident opposition came from local U.K. and says he’s always wanted to venture family physicians. In a letter to City Council in to the spirits market. There is some family they addressed concerns of retaining and at- lore of the time his father ran a small distilltracting new doctors in a city that doesn’t have ery in the back of the house on the outskirts the luxury of a large population to support of London, leading eventually to why he endedicated surgeons: “There is nothing to stop rolled in a master distillers course. a new clinic unilaterally opening in Revel“Unfortunately around these kinds of stoke. However, in a community already ade- dreams that you have when you’re young, quately supplied with physicians, a new clinic life gets in the way. I ended up going off and would serve only to undermine existing fam- having a career.”  ily practices,” wrote Dr. Cameron MacLeod. LISTEN TO THE FULL INTERVIEW WITH JONAH ON STOKEFM.COM

DRINK & BE MERRY Meet Jen and Josh McLafferty. Josh is from Moose Jaw and Jen is from Salmon Arm, and they moved here to open Monashee Spirits Craft Distillery for one simple reason: “We saw a hole in the market.” That’s a hole that’s quickly being filled to overflowing. So, is it a problem having two new distilleries and two, breweries in a town of 7,000? “I feel it’s the more the merrier,” answers Josh. “Some of these towns in the Okanagan are surrounded by wineries and it’s a tourist draw. I think it’s a good way companies can work off each other.” Josh says Monashee Spirits will try to source everything from within 100 miles, including local apiarist Ron Glave’s honey for sweeteners, fruit gleaned from around town, possible concoctions with Stoke Roasted Coffee and grains from nearby Armstrong. They’re also going to produce bitters, which are to the drink world what spices are to the food world. “It takes a good drink and enhances it,” he says. They hope to supply the recycling tourist market as well as local pubs. DID YA ALSO KNOW: Craft distilleries have to produce less than 50,000 litres.

Did’ya Know ... ? REVELSTOKE’S FIRST SCHOOL WAS A SALOON ...

bOLD S

CHOO

... It’s true. Classes in 1887 were held in Revelstoke’s Wide West saloon for two years until our *second* school started in 1889, this time held in the NWMP Barracks (left). But back to the school-saloon thing, it’s interesting because, fast forward 130 years, and instead of a new school being where liquor is sold, an old school will be turned into a new place to sell liquor. Gareth Jones bought the old Mountain View School (right) and is moving his family to Revelstoke with plans to develop it into Jones Distillery.

Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 5

Booze Newz

CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT: Jen and Josh McLafferty of Monashee Spirits Craft Distillery; Gareth Jones on the roof of Mountain View; Fred Orndorff at Craft Bierhaus; a sneak peek inside the spanky new digs of the new Mount Begbie Brewery. PHOTOS 1 and 2 BY PETER WORDEN, 3 BY THE BEAUTIFUL ISLA GRIER, 4,5 and 6 PROVIDED BY THE ALSO BEAUTIFUL DARRYN SHEWCHUK

STILL ILLEGAL: In Canada you cannot run your own still. You taste just like it.” can infuse a bottle of store-bought vodka but—“moonshining is illegal and you can go to jail for a very long time. That’s THE BARLEY RUMOUR MILL where I’m going to leave that,” says Josh, adding that liquor is the most heavily regulated product in Canada.

After receiving unsubstantiated reports of a new craft brewery, Reved eventually tracked down Fred Orndorff—where else—at the Bierhaus, wearing “...The more the merrier ... a read had that said “BEER.” it’s a good way companies can Fred loves his beer and knows the crap out of it. He startwork off each other.” ed brewing at home in Crest de Butte, Colorado in his 20s (cont.) While clear liquor can be bottled and he quit his job in a heartbeat one day to right out of the still, dark stuff has to sit work with and learn from a local brewmaster. three-plus years. How do they know their Fast-forward a few years to his time as brewwhisky will taste good? master at Canmore’s popular Grizzly Paw, and “We’re going to make it until it does,” he today, where he lives in Revelstoke, hellbent says simply. on making unique, hyper-local craft beer. And why has Revelstoke taken so long to What makes Revelstoke so damn special? getin to the booze business? Recently, the “It’s appealing just living here,” he said. “And government changed regulations for hy- making beer is just what I do. I’m just going to per-local craft distillers with fermentables be stubborn and make it work.” in B.C. to pay less tax than, say, a larger He plans to open an unassuming little breforeign producer like Smirnoff. “It makes whouse that creates world-class beer. The big it so that smaller producers can actually idea is basically a small place to make and enafford to get into [the market]. So people joy beer. The focus, he says, will be on the tastthat don’t have a million dollars to spend ing lounge—the soul of the operation—with, can start up a distillery. It’s still expensive say, eight things on tap at anytime” but it’s doable for a normal person,” says It’s all very preliminary right now. Fred needs Jen. a lot of expensive, specialized stainless steel They anticipate opening late this winter equipment such as pumps, temperature-sensior early-spring 2017 tive sensors—“and that’s if you keep it simple,” he says. He needs cooling equipment for speTWO SECRETS JOSH WILL cific temperatures, maybe a steam boiler, and KILLLLL ME FOR TALKING ABOUT oh, a place to put it all. But that’s not going to deter him. Neither is the fact that little old Revelstoke is about to Josh has plans to produce a special oak-aged get a whole lot boozier. For him it’s not about gin. His other brilliant idea is a non-alcohol- competition, it’s about variety. He jokes: “Reic vodka that he says is crystal clear with no- member that time there was too much beer? taste, “quite similar to water,” he says. “It will Yah me neither.” 

“Remember that time there was too much beer? Yah me neither.”

WHAT’S UP AT MOUNT BEGBIE BREWERY? As we all know, Mount Begbie brewery made a big move this year. After two decades downtown they switched locations to 10 acres of forested property up on Oak Drive. The brewery couldn’t keep up with production, lacked space for tanks, storage and wanted to expand its tasting room. Owners Bart and Tracey Larson undertook a humongous amount of work, hooking up water, sewer, electrical and propane along with the actual construction of the building itself. An-n-n-d, at time of writing, that work is ongoing. So, Reved decided to get a progress report from Tracey. RQ—The estimated opening date is still TBD—any particular reason for the hold up? TL—“This was a very big project to undertake ...The land we built on was raw, so all services had to be brought to the building … and of course the move of a brewery that has been in business for 20 years is no small feat either. RQ—Speaking of, Mt. Begbie brewery was the first brewery on the block. Now it seems a new craft brewery and two new distilleries are in the works. How does the brewery feel about Revelstoke growing as a beer and spirits producer? TL—“There are both pros and cons to this. Positives include creation of jobs, contribution of the marketing of the city and increased tourism to Revelstoke as tourists will want to visit places like these. Negatives include potential competition of tasting rooms with already established bars and lounges in the area and a limited population to support the economic survival of all of these businesses.”. 

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For 2017, this paper’s New Year’s resolution: give away more sweet stuff. So here it is. The best stories from Reved Quarterly’s past 10 years all in a slick little coffee table book. Win a copy by entering your #RevyResolutions

6 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

Serious News For Once TUNE IN ON AIR 92.5 & ONLINE STOKEFM.COM

The problem with fentanyl

It’s a drug the likes of which Revelstoke—and the world—has never seen. ––And if it’s not here already, it will be soon. >> BY PETER WORDEN

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e have no confirmed cases of fentanyl in Revelstoke. Yet. That doesn’t mean there’s no cause for alarm. To hear the police describe it, it’s only a matter of time. “We have rumour that we have fentanyl on the street here in Revelstoke,” said Revelstoke RCMP Staff Sgt. Kurt Grabinsky, adding this about our adorbs little tourist town: “I don’t think we’re immune to it by any means. Revelstoke is no longer that off-the-beaten path. We are in the magazines. We are on the Trans-Canada … The message that we’re trying to get out is how dangerous this drug is and how dangerous the unknown is.” Police did seize some unknown white powder, giving them all the more concern about this busy winter season. An influx of tourists and seasonal people obviously equals more parties and more recreational drug use. Grabinsky has heard many horror stories of people in B.C. who took fentanyl, advertently or inadvertently through cocaine and ecstasy, and died. “What we see this winter is going to be interesting. We’re really hoping we don’t see an overdose exposure,” he said. “It is hard for us to say ‘choose your dealer wisely.’ It’s hard for us to be supportive of that. We’re just hoping people use common sense and avoid high risk when it comes to drug issues … This could be one of those times that people might just die because of their addictions.” DEATH BY FENTANYL Fentanyl is 100-times more powerful than morphine. A few grains of the drug absorbed through the skin of a non-opioid user can be fatal. Even people taking it on purpose overdose all the time. “It’s crazy powerful,” in the words of pharmacist and owner of People’s Drug Mart David Lafreniere. He explains while 100 times is obviously a lot, it’s hard for the average person to wrap their head around it. That’s why *If you have questions about fentanyl or other drugs, Dave is available to answer them. Don’t be shy. No judgment. He’s a nice, smart guy with a big heart.

he did a high school presentation about the drug. It’s also why drug smugglers are shifting towards it. It’s easier. It’s produced cheaply in China and added to other drugs for the effect and for a hook. Plus it’s easily cut with baking soda or Ajax. Of course, there’s little quality control. “As a health care professional I’m scared shitless because it’s just dangerous. It’s wiping out people like crazy,” Dave says. In 2016 alone, fentanyl is responsible for about 500 deaths in B.C. “It scares me as a parent and a person.” According to Lafreniere, several people in town are already dangerously addicted to both legal and street opioids. “I see it in my profession,” he says. People don’t overdose in front of him and he doesn’t come across illicit drugs in his practice, but he does offer a needle bag exchange where legal and non-legal users may trade in used needles for clean

in case they come across an overdose. “Just not doing drugs is the only way to protect yourself,” says Dave, not condoning drug use, but stating the obvious: “You can no longer do drugs alone. You may all end up dead.” For now, RCMP are focusing on intelligence policing with the objective to combat fentanyl by finding and arresting those selling it. For the rest of the community police encourage seeking addictions treatment.” 

“This could be one of those times that people might just die because of their addictions.”

ones and sterilized water. It’s standard harm reduction. Since drug-use is happening anyway, a bit of prevention is better than risking ABOVE: Friendly and lovable neigha spread of hepatitis or HIV, taxing the health bourhood pharmacist Dave Lafreniere system and taking a toll on people themselves. has a serious message to share about the risks of doings drugs with fentanDEATH BY FENTANYL yl on the rise. BELOW: The drug was responsible for 500+ overdoses in B.C It does not take long to die from fentanyl. It causes respiratory depression—i.e. you stop breathing. The problem with fentanyl is that even small amounts may enter into other recreational drugs, so it can kill the guy who does a line of cocaine once or high school students who aren’t necessarily known for their stellar judgment. It’s scary that way. It’s why across B.C., police officers, EMS and firefighters are all armed with opiate antidote NAR CAN kits

FROM BAD TO WORSE: You think fentanyl is bad? Another new drug called W-18, found in Edmonton, is even worse. It’s 100-times more powerful than fentanyl—“ungodly deadly,” as Dave puts it. Ingest too much fentanyl and you stop breathing; just getting this raw powder on your skin alone could kill you. It’s why some police officers now wear rubber gloves under their regular duty gloves incase they accidentally come across a mysterious powder.

Spot The Diferences

Spot The Differences

DIFFERENCES KEEP SCORE.

PHOTO BY PETER WORDEN....I SEEM TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE THESE DAYS.

10 FOR MORE FUN STUFF GO TO REVED.NET

Remove centerfold of Reved Quarterly... IT’S A WILD PLACE AT PARKS CANADA. Winter is a busy time and getting a staff photo is like herding cardboard cutouts of caribou. Luckily, Reved was able to capture these crazy and elusive creatures. But quickly now, they have important work to return to. (Psst, you have work to do, too—spot 10 differences.) BACK ROW, from left: Tina Whitman, Caribou, Laurie Booker, Faizan Muhammedi, Glenda Eddy, Robin Mackenzie, Catherine Lachaine, Marta Savill FRONT ROW: Amy Clarke, Marnie DiGiandomenico.

DOGGY MATCH GAME: 1-A; 2-C; 3-B; 4-F; 5-D; 6-E BUILDING MATCH GAME: A-6, B-11, C-3, D-10, E-7, F-5, G-1, H-9, I-2, J-12, K-4, L-8 SPOT THE DIFFERENCES: There’s a T-Rex; Marta’s ring is missing (ooh, scandalous...); Laurie has sprouted antlers; Marnie’s shirt has changed colours; Faizan hath become Bob Ross; Tina is getting butterflies; elk skull is now a wild bore skull; the maple leaf in the Canadian flag has more points; Glenda’s sleeve is longer; the photo of the People’s Daily news HQ in Beijing is now the Queen’s Warf in Newcastle. CROSSWORD KEY: ACROSS: 1. Paraphernalia 2. Sex 3. Brothels 4. Still 5. Mackenzie 6. Red 7. Madam 8. Revel Stoke 9. Rack 10. Lube DOWN 1. Newcastle 2. Farwell 3. Opium 4. Oakalla 5. Breakfast 6. Ubrew 7. Ferment 8. Distillery 9. Bitters 10. Makeout 11. STI

Brothels were illegal. But jailing women associated with them was much less profitable for the local government than catching, fining and releasing them. “You could probably say Revelstoke was living off the avails of prostitution to some extent,” explains historian Cathy English. “They were getting a good chunk of money from it.”

2. AND HERE.

For years, the use of opiates in Canada went unregulated. In the 1850s, Chinese immigrants came to British Columbia in droves, establishing opium dens in little places like Revelstoke. The government more or less turned a blind eye. However, after interviewing opium merchants in B.C., then-Minister of Labour, future Prime Minister—and total buzzkill—Mackenzie King saw the growing number of opium users as worrisome. He believed Canada had to set a precedent on drug-use worldwide. In 1908, the government enacted the Opium Act, which made it an offence to import, manufacture, possess or sell opium.

A LITTLE ABOUT SEX, DRUGS & ROCK N’ ROLL

2 Reved Quarterly ¼’ly WINTER 2016/17

Open: Monday — Sunday 11:00 to midnight (250) 837-2014 114 Mackenzie Ave

FOR DELICIOUS CONCOCTIONS.

(ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES.)

In 1899, Bandmaster R.H. Sawyer ordered what they called “cow’s breakfast” hats made of straw and cotton duck jackets. Only, the cotton hadn’t been pre-washed, so it shrunk too small to fit any of them—and rockstar tight pants were born.)

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□ VERY □ MERRY CHRISTMAS □ HAPPY HANUKKAH/ KWAZY KWANZAA □ BADASS BODHI DAY □ SOLSTY SOLSTICE □ ONE HELLUVA 2017 □ OTHER: ___________________________

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Reved ¼’ly WINTER 2016/17

The Fun & Games Section CROSSWORD BROUGHT TO YOU BY GAMES NIGHT @ CRAFT BIERHAUS

ACROSS

NEED MORE CLUES?—FLIP THROUGH THIS ISSUE FOR HELP OR JUST ASK GUY NEXT TO YOU.

1. ASSORTED OBJECTS FOR DRUG-USE, MAYBE. 2. ____, DRUGS & ROCK N’ ROLL. 3. HOMES OF ILL-REPUTE (PL) 4. IT IS “STILL” ILLEGAL TO MAKE HOOCH IN ONE OF THESE. 5. BUZZKILL PM ______ KING. 6. LIGHT IN THE SEXY DISTRICT OF TOWN. 7. OWNER OF A BROTHEL. 8. WHISKEY THAT IS NOT MADE IN REVELSTOKE, B.C. (TWO WORDS.) 9. WINE-MAKING MANEUVER. 10. STOCK UP ON ___ AND PLUGS THIS WINTER.

DOWN

HORRORSCOPES & MISFORTUNES FOR 2017 MIKE

“the Medium” MURPHY

ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 20): You won’t believe me, but believe me—in a few years you will look exactly like Mickey Rourke. Not 9 1/2 Weeks Mickey Rourke, but Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler. Yea. TAURUS (Apr 21 - May 21) You had the good fortune of being given the name Kaitlyn or maybe Caitlyn or Kaitlin, but you have the misfortune of having to correct everyone on spelling it. Now everyone just calls you Kitty, which you’re OK with because you are very cat-like—love to nap, lick yourself in public and born to litter. Rrar! You think you have 9 lives.’ You do not. You also never land on your feet.

GEMINI (May 22 - Jun 21): You live life bumping your pinky toe on the corner of your coffee table. It doesn’t matter if you move the table or chop your foot off at the ankle. That sharp corner is your destiny. Be afraid. CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 23): Try to think of ways to save money this winter because you’re going to need it. Your job is getting automated and you’re being replaced. (But hey, it IS a pow day.) LEO (Jul 24 - Aug 23): You will slip on ice, bump your head and wake up talking like Donald Trump. Your first sentence will be: “So great.” Also, you will have the even greater misfortune of dancing with me to Ginuine’s Pony at the small business Christmas dinner party 2017. VIRGO (Aug 24 - Sep 23): This year is the year you discover hoop dreams are about succeeding at basketball and not smuggling things rectally. Give up on both nonetheless. Don’t

1. UK CITY HOME TO PHALLIC WHARF BUILDING. 2. SEEDY SECTION OF OLD-TIMEY REVY. 3. DRUG MADE FROM WHITE POPPIES. 4. BURNABY PRISON OF HARD LABOUR. 5. COWS ATE THESE STRAW HATS FOR _____. 6. MAKE YOUR OWN BEER AND WINE. 7. EFFERVESCE, FOR EXAMPLE. 8. PLACE THAT MAKES LIQUOR. 9. PUCKERING COCKTAIL ENHANCERS. 10.SMOOCH, SUCK-FACE, CARESS, E.G. 11.SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTION, FOR SHORT.

worry, your dream job is just around the corner. ... until you discover that hun’nerd grand salary is in Venezuelan dollars. LIBRA (Sep 24 - Oct 23): Good news is you’ll lose weight again this year at TransCanada Fitness. Bad news is you’ll gain it all back. Everything balances out for you, Libra. SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 22):

Your significant other is pulling out your grey hairs whilst you sleep. Try this: Say “scorpio” three times in the voice of Sean Connery out loud right now. Then, go to Birch & Lace for a supertop-secret Bond villain cut that will withstand incessant midnight plucking. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 - Dec 21): You will come so-o-o-o close to winning something. You’ll be one ticket away from the 50-50 at the Grizzlies game, one away from the Saturday meat draw at the Legion, one square away from Bierhaus Bingo. Next time, follow the person in front of you at the ticket line. You’ll see. CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 20):

Oh Capricorn, people have been telling you that you’re a good whistler your whole life. You are a terr-r-r-r-ible whistler. 2017 is the year you also find out you are a spitty-talker. And have you checked your car battery lately? That’s not really a horoscope, but you should. AQUARIUS (Jan 21 - Feb 19): Aquarius, this year you finally muster up the courage to order in French at La Baguette only to be greeted with: “G’day.” PISCES (Feb 20 - Mar 20): You will skillfully dodge dog poop this winter only to step in ski bum puke. You will also think you are in line at the Modern but you’re actually just holding open the door. Quit being so nice. DISCLAIMER: While Mike is highly skilled at predicting your misfortunes, he and Reved take absolutely zero responsibility if—no, no when—they come painfully true.

CLASSIFIEDS REAL STUFF

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MONEY WORRIES? Me too. That’s, well, all I wanted to say...

LESS-REAL STUFF

WANTED More people to advertise in these classifieds. As always, beer acceptable as payment.

FOR CAT LOVERS ONLY

FUNNY CATSIFIEDS

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CRIBBAGE LESSONS

STILL hasn’t found what he’s looking for.

CATSIFIEDS

I.S.O.

Mention this classified to the sexy bearded bartender at the Big Eddy Pub and he willl treat you extra-nice. Well, Kyle treats everyone extra-nice, but this way he’ll give me a pepperoni stick.

Why does nobody take me up this? 867 222 4556

CATSIFIEDS

Reved ¼’ly WINTER 2016/17

page 15.)

Sherri McEwen was reading Reved, and when she finally put it down, her cat Murph picked it up. (We like it if you read Reved. But it’s OK to use for shade or warmth as well...)

Whoozagoodkittywittycats looking for adoptionwoption right meow at the Revy Humane Society (250) 8378578. You can also try Nakusp PALS (Protecting Animals Life Society) at (250) 2653792.

Pharmacist Dave at People’s Drug Mart takes a break for some kitty face-painting. (See him on page 7 re. an important drug catastrophe.) GLADYS! Here she is, hard at work catfood-bagging at the Community Catnections Food Bank. (Read more about this lovely lady on

T A M

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Beer acceptable as payment.

MATCH THESE REVELSTOKIANS UP WITH THEIR LOVABLE MUTTS...

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TWEET OR FACEBOOK #classifieds, #catsifieds, #MissedConnections, #MissedCatnections, ANYTHING!— real or not real, to:

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FORLORN KITTY SHIRTS LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT CATSMAS PRESENT? This is a thoughtful prezzie for the forlorn cat lover in your life. ONLY AT Selkirk Graphics. 110 1st ST W. (Psst! Mention this ad to get a Reved t-shirt w/ purrrrrchase..!)

SEND THE GIFT OF REVED 1/4’LY ...

E DINAH

E RI

AND NOT A BAD LITTLE DRINKING GAME, TOO. ANSWERS ON PAGE 5.

Pretty good little ad space here. Just saying.

KYL

EA N

LO O N E

... whether you’re too cheap to buy a proper souvenir or just want to give the good people at Canada Post more work this holiday, old-fashioned snail mail is a pleasant surprise when it comes in the form of a funny miniature newspaper. Heck!—send it back to me with suggestions or “Catsifieds” for next issue.

Revelstoke’s Oldest & Wisest*

Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 15

Badass Gladys

(Continued from last page.)

Born in the Year of the Monkey, Gladys Dyer is a whole barrel of them. The septuagenarian is a joke cracker, straight talker, helluva gardener and badass taxi driver. >> BY PETER WORDEN

“Y

ou’re the best ******* cab driver I ever rode with,” exclaimed one of Gladys’ fares. She tells me just the other night driving taxi a girl paid her the same compliment that I just did. “She said: ‘You’re really bad ass.’ And I thought, hmm, I might be getting a reputation here, you know.” BEHIND THE WHEEL Driving cab is the perfect job for a badass like Gladys as she happens to suffer from a bit of a bad ass herself. “My knees are hooped, my back is hooped. You don’t wanna watch me walk too far. But when I’m sitting no one knows there’s anything wrong with me,” she explains. She is a master in the art of taxicab deception. “I tell these people from the States about my Revelstoke and beef it up so it sounds really good.” I first met Gladys as she was helping at the

which she mostly gives away. “I don’t keep a whole hell of a lot of it.” What she doesn’t eat or give away is usually taken care of by a big black bear that visits and she watches lay on its belly and clean its paws like a cat. “I really do like my life today,” she says. In the evening she often sits by the fireside in her backyard. “God, I am so rich. I’m as wealthy as can be because I love living here … Me and Monashee Court? Not gunna happen. I hope the Big Guy takes me before then because I like this.”

WN—Surprise! Haha, I wish! My dad was a “Willie Nelson” and so was his dad before him. I think I’m like the fifth Willie Nelson in my family. RQ—Now that’s out of the way, you guys at Phillips make Revel Stoke whiskey? WN—Yes. In 2001, we introduced Revel Stoke spiced whisky as the world’s first spiced whisky.

ON WEDDINGS & MARRIAGE

Her yard looks like it would be Party Central. “You wanna know something, I often thought I haven’t done well with marriage myself, however, I would really like to rent this out for weddings,” she says. Gladys herself got married here years ago in front of 95 people. “I’m all for marriage, I just can’t seem to get a good one going myself.” And now, she says, it’s too late. She’s not looking for love anymore. “I don’t think it’s in “I’m as wealthy as can be because the stars for me … I just couldn’t find the I love living here.” right husband.” Inlocal food bank, getting cheeky with everyone stead, her cat keeps her company. “You can’t young and old and handing out little extras, have it all.” foisting boxes of this and cans of that into peo- Gladys was born in 1944 in Leoville, Sasples’ already over-stuffed plastic bags. I liked katchewan in the Year of the Monkey. She her instantly. She made jokes at her own ex- says that (at least partly) explains where she pense and didn’t take guff from anyone. “I like gets her playful nature. Thankfully, she hasn’t to make people happy and not the phony type thrown feces at anyone. (Yet.) She has lived in of happy. I say it how it is.” Revelstoke since 1960, worked as a custodian, and in 1989 lost everything in a house fire. EL RANCHO ADVICE FOR THE AGES Today, we meet at her place in the Big Eddy. She lives on a wide-open acre she refers to as Today, her doublewide trailer is cozy and the “El Rancho,” which she fell heir to after a di- coffee is always on. Her side table is stacked vorce. She grabs a walking stick that she jokes high with vitamins. The phone rings. It’s doubles as a beating stick and we stroll around. someone calling from Australia looking to “I’m getting more crotchety as the days go by,” rent a room. That person, presuming he stays she says. I fail to believe that. Her bones may a season and the two get along well enough, be sore but her sense of humour is still in good will have Gladys as a tirelessly good-natured shape. She’s also very active. She’s in a choir, friend with solid life advice to boot. I ask her volunteers at the food bank and drives people for general life advice to younger generations to cancer clinics in Kamloops and Kelowna. and she gives a simple and practical answer: She does a lot but each year says she finds “What I’d like to show younger people is how herself doing a little less. Her 72nd birthday to garden.” As for advice to a growing and evwas this Fall: “I just had another one,” she says er-changing Revelstoke, she’s unsurprisingly with a chuckle, “I think I’m done.” easy-going about the whole thing. “I like all On this fertile acre she can grow almost any- of it,” she reflects. “The roundabout is a little thing she wants—marijuana even, she kids— hard to get used to.” but she just plants lots and lots of vegetables,

RQ—And Willie, you can’t be THE Willie Nelson...are you?

RQ—It’s not actually made in Revelstoke, though. Where’s it made? WN—Revel Stoke whisky is distilled in Calgary, Alberta. RQ—But IS there a Revelstoke connection to Revel Stoke whiskey? TOP: Gladys jokes outside her equipment shed: “I used to put my ex-husband in there but he ran away from home on that account.”BOTTOM: (L) Gladys at the Food Bank on catfood-scooping duty. (I took a photo so I could include her in the “Catsifieds” section.) (R) Gladys at home on the phone, speaking about renting a room to an Aussie, who, if you made it to Revelstoke and now live with Gladys, you’re in for a real treat, buddy.

RJ—Willie has been doing ski trips to Revelstoke since the inaugural season back in 2007. WN—Our goal was to show a fun and lighter side to whisky while paying homage to a great town and ski area. RQ—How did you get the name?

*Gladys is by no measure the oldest. But she is full of wisdom beyond her years. If you know someone who is the oldest and/or wisest in Revelstoke and should be featured in this section please contact editor@reved.net

WN—The brand is meant to be fun in nature and doesn’t take itself too seriously. We’ve heard a few different versions of the story but simply like to think that the phrase “Stoke and Coke” has a fun ring to it.  FOR HOLIDAY MIXES, VISIT revelstokewhisky.com

THE BEST OF REVED 10 YEARS OF STORIES ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE KNOW AND LOVE IN REVELSTOKE. ONLY $30 ORDER ONLINE OR BUY AT SANGHA BEAN

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YOUR

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YOUR GUIDE TO

GOOD FOOD, A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP & JUST FEELING GOOD.

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Ahh...

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IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ....

YOU WILL FIND IT HERE ....

Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 11

YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW THAT ....

AMAZING BREAKFAST & LUNCH MADE FROM SCRATCH MAIN STREET CAFÉ—317 MacKenzie Ave ▪ 250 837 6888

They're closed Mondays.

THE ABSOLUTE BUSIEST COFFEE SHOP EVER

THE MODERN —212 MacKenzie Ave ▪ 250 837 6886

They're closed Sundays ...

THE CHILLEST COFFEE SHOP EVER

SANGHA BEAN— 111 Connaught Ave ▪ 250 814 0080

Krista makes a mean bean burrito.

STACKED BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICHES

LA BAGUETTE ESPRESSO BAR—607 Victoria Rd. & Garden Ave.

You can get espresso poured over your gelato but affogato what it's called.

FINE DINING & SMOOOOOTH JAZZZZZ

112 BISTRO —Inside the Regent Hotel

The River City Pub next door has late-night music and entertainment.

A $5 MENU LAST DROP—200 3 St W ▪ 250 837 2121

The Drop has a $5 menu plus a killer open mic (Wed).

CHEAP WINGS ON WEDNESDAY

GRIZZLY PUB—314 1 St W ▪ 250 837 5576

The Griz has liquor store delivery, pool and Keno.

DEEP-FRIED CHEESE CURDS

CHUBBY FUNSTERS—114 MacKenzie Ave

... there are also weird and wonderful cocktail concoctions..

A PANZO THAT COULD KILL A MAN

THE VILLAGE IDIOT—306 MacKenzie Ave ▪ 250 837 6240

A MEAN SMOKED BRISKET MANWICH

BIG EDDY PUB & LIQUOR STORE—Alllllll the way at 2108 Big Eddy Rd. It's totally worth the drive all-l-l-l the way over the bridge.

MMM...DONAIRS AND/OR PIZZA

PADRINO’S PIZZARIA—200 1 St W ▪ 250 837 3300

Jess and Dave sell pizza by the slice or by the pie.

MMM ... POUTINE AND/OR PIZZA

NICO'S PIZZERIA— 112 1 St W ▪ 250 837 7117

Nico has unique poutine combos and the squeakiest cheese curds.

STEAK AND POTATOES WITH ALL THE FIXINS'

ZALA’S STEAK & PIZZA—½ block off Hwy 1 ▪ 250 837 5555

Rick even offers a courtesy limousine service.

They also have lotsa beer and make a signature Moscow Mule.

INDIAN/GERMAN/THAI FUSION PARAMJIT’S KITCHEN—116 1st St W ▪ 250 837 2112

Everything Goldie makes is incredible. You gotta eat here.

ANTARCTICA-THEMED MEN'S ROOM

WOOLSEY BISTRO—600 2 St W ▪ 250 837 5500

That's a weird thing to go to a restaurant for.

A SWEET NEW VIETNAMESE PLACE

MINH TUYET'S BISTRO— 415 Victoria Rd ▪ 250-837-3788

They just opened, so go!

A KILLER MAC N' CHEESE

CRAFT BIERHAUS— 107 2nd St E ▪ 250 805 1754

Trev also has regional beers & board games. (Check p.13!)

A DELICIOUS STEAK SANDWICH BY THE FIREPLACE

MOUNTAIN GUIDES LOUNGE—2100 Oak Dr ▪ 250 837 3322

They also make great pasta, burgers and fish & chips (to name a few).

A TACO OR BURRRRRRRRRITO...?

TACO CLUB — 206 MacKenzie Ave ▪ 250 837-0988

They make a deadly homemade gingerbeer.

CHICKEN STRIPS, FRIES & A SHAKE

THE NOMAD FOOD CO— 1601 Victoria Rd ▪ 250 837-4211

Nomad now has 200% more Jameseseses. (New owners!)

A BRAND SPANKING NEW COFFEE JOINT

DOSE—Corner of Mackenzie & 2nd St.

Lauren & John are hard at work on renos—opening TBD.

THE CLEANEST HOT TUB IN REVY

MONASHEE LODGE — 601 3 St W ▪ 250 814-2553

It’s a cozy, laid-back bed-and-breakfast off the beaten path.

A CENTRAL YET QUIET PLACE TO STAY

SWISS CHALET MOTEL—1101 Victoria Rd W ▪ 1 877 837 4650

Eric offers non-smoking rooms, free breaky & Aquatic Centre passes.

A CHIC AND UNIQUE PLACE TO STAY

THE CUBE—311 Campbell Ave ▪ 250 837 4086

A stay comes with free Aquatic Centre passes.

A PET-FRIENDLY MOTEL WITH A MILLION-DOLLAR VIEW

CANYON MOTOR INN—1911 Fraser Dr ▪ 1 877 837 5221

Sherry and Rob have a nice place by the river with good rates.

A RUSTIC, WILD WEST-INSPIRED MOTEL

THE OL’ FRONTIER — Hwy 1 & Hwy 23 N ▪ 250 837-5119

The Ol’ Frontier provides TVs, microwaves and minifridges.

AN EMERGENCY PLACE TO LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD MY COUCH—Near Courthouse Inn ▪ 867 222 4556

This is my actual couch. (Great rates!)

DEEP-TISSUE MASSAGE & ACUPUNCTURE

WELWINDS SPA — (250) 837-6084 ▪ 509 4 St W

Diane also offers a selection of specialty teas.

A THERAPEUTIC MASSAGE

BODYLOGIC—250 837 3666 ▪ Suite 103-103 1st St E

Karen and her fellow RMT Sarah are miracle workers.

DEEP-TISSUE MASSAGE & MANUAL LYMPH DRAINAGE REVELSTOKE MASSAGE THERAPY—250 837 6677

Dave also offers somatic release.

A ROMANTIC AND RELAXING GETAWAY

HALCYON HOTSPRINGS—1 888 689 4699 ▪ Hwy 23, Nakusp

These hot springs are just a short, magical drive and ferry trip away.

ACUPUNCTURE & CHINESE MEDICINE

JADE MOUNTAIN—250 847 3900 ▪ jademountain.ca ▪ 101 1st St W

Erin is a registered traditional Chinese medicine practitioner.

ALL TYPES OF YOGA FOR ALL LEVELS ...

BALU YOGA & WELLNESS ▪ 250 837 3975

... at all times of the day and all days of the week.

GUIDED ENERGY WORK & SOUL COUNSELING

HEART TO HEART HEALING—250 837 3724 ▪ Frieda Livesey

Freida also offers soul awareness writing and is an inspiration.

YOGA TEACHER TRAINING

NAMASTE YOGA & WELLNESS CENTRE—www.yogasalmonarm.com

200hr Yoga Alliance International Cert. starting Oct. 14.

AN ECO-FRIENDLY (AND JUST REGULAR-FRIENDLY) SPA

BIRCH & LACE—250 814 2508 ▪ 113 2nd Street E

BYO containers for their soap dispensary of Canadian products.

THE BUSIEST SALON I (PERSONALLY) HAVE EVER SEEN

FIRST IMPRESSIONS—250 837 2344 ▪ 300 1 St E

They have the BEST coffee while you wait.

THE CHEAPEST CUT IN TOWN

THE BARBERSHOP—300 First Street W

Deb is a real barber’s barber. $17. First come, first cut.

TO GET IN THE GUIDE TO REV-ERYTHING CONTACT ME, PETER — EDITOR@REVED.NET FIRST LISTING FREE. BEER ACCEPTABLE AS PAYMENT.

WHERE I’M GOING AFTER THIS IS OVER.

Karen Schneider RMT Sarah Koriath RMT www.bodylogicmassagerevelstoke.com

12 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

Solid Advice

HOW-TO: TURN LOUSY PLUMS INTO WINE A QUESTIONABLE INTERNET RECIPE + SOLID ADVICE FROM KLAUS KOLMAN AT REVELSTOKE U-BREW

OK so you have a bunch of stinkin’ plums you picked last summer with plans to do something with. There are many recipes on the internet. As a first-time brewer, I aimed for a middle-of-the-road end-product between respectable cheap store wine and prison hooch. Ideally you want a drinkable wine you can give as a Christmas present that won’t make anyone go blind.

WHATCHA GUNNA NEED:

     

A gazillion plums. Or about 5lbs should do. Sugar. Say, 3lbs to be exact. A gallon or so of water. A teaspoon of fresh lemon juice. One packet cider yeast.

WASH. Scrub the hell out of your plums in the sink. Toss any that are bruised or moldy.

BASH. Stick’em in a sterilized fermentation (Need something? See Klaus at the u-brew.) bucket and bash the bejesus outta them. (You can keep the pits for a nuttier flavour or remove them, up to you.) Standard beer/wine-making equipment.

3 4 5 6

BOIL a gallon of water and pour it over the crushed plums. Stick a lid on it and swirl it around every day.

ADD LEMON JUICE AND SUGAR to the fermenting plums. Stir it good. Sprinkle yeast on top. After an hour or so, give it another stir. COVER AND FORGET ABOUT IT for four days, stirring once or twice a day. (Me, I just grab the bucket and swish it around.)

PUT IT ALL IN A DEMIJOHN. Use a siphon so you don’t suck up all the sediment and crap on the bottom. Plug with an airlock.

7 8 9 10 11

RACK IT AFTER TWO WEEKS into another sterilized demijohn.

TASTE TEST! How’s it so far? Gassy, weird and pretty gross? Mine too. So…

…GO BACK AND SEE KLAUS. He gave me some sodium metasulphite, basically kill mold and to eat up the yeasty taste.

WAIT A COUPLE MORE WEEKS and then it’s basically ready for bottling. You’ll need bottles, corks and a corker, which you can also find at your neighbourhood u-brew.

WAIT SOME MORE. The longer you wait to drink this hooch, the clearer, more palatable it will be. I suggest leaving it in the demijohn a few months, racking monthly. What you don’t want is a lot of young, active wine in bottles for a long period of time. It will keep fermenting and get fizzy.

Alternatively, you can avoid all this rigmarole and just straight up call Klaus at Revelstoke U-Brew. He will take your crappy plums and turn them into 23L of delicious plum wine for only $50. (...Wish I’d thought of that.) Find him at revelstokeubrew.com

ABOVE: My end-product, a “Drinkable” 2016 plum wine complements my other attempt at u-brewing, the “Couldabeenworse” summer wheat ale. But I mean, just look at this guy—there’s Klaus with that great smile, positive attitude and immense know-how to coach you through the whole process, and failing that, just make your wine for you. GOT AN IDEA FOR NEXT ISSUE’S “HOW-TO” SECTION? EDITOR@REVED.NET

Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17 13

Q&A’s

Life in a Small Town Sex Shop

For 24 years, Dinah Collette has owned and operated Spice O’ Life.

RQ—How did Spice O’ Life first get started?

FIST BUMP. PROPS TO SPICE O’ LIFE, AN EMPORIUM AND HEAD SHOP SPECIALIZING IN GAG GIFTS— DOUBLE ENTENDRE—AND THINGS MOST NEWSPAPERS WOULDN’T PHOTOGRAPH. STOP BY SOMETIME! (IF YOU’RE 19+).

FOR 24 YEARS, DINAH COLLETTE HAS OWNED AND OPERATED SPICE O’ LIFE, WHICH SHE IS QUICK TO POINT OUT IS NO ORDINARY SEX SHOP—IT’S AN EMPORIUM. LOOKING FOR THAT PERFECT LOVE SWING JOLLY JUMPER FOR ADULTS? HOW ABOUT BACHELORETTE PARTY PECKER DECORATIONS—PECKERATIONS, IF YOU WILL. MAYBE A NEW HOOKAH? WHETHER IT’S A STATE-OF-THE-ART RECHARGEABLE VIBE WITH SMART PHONE APP OR AN OLD-FASHIONED 14-INCH RUBBER FIST, HER STORE IS THE WHOLE KIT-AND-KABOODLE. (PRETTY SURE SHE ALSO SELLS KABOODLES.)

SCAVENGER HUNT

HIS & HER BEARDED MAN WITH TUQUE FLANNEL & POMPOM

HIGH-FIVE FROM A MUSICIAN

GOT SOME DAMN GOOD MAC & CHEESE

2+ DOGS OUTSIDE

2+ FLATBRIMMED HATS

PEOPLE PLAYING ‘CRABS ADJUST HUMIDITY’

PEOPLE PLAYING CHESS

RED-HAIRED WAITER /WAITRESS

TASTETESTED FIVE BEERS BEFORE CHOOSING ONE.

10+ BIKES OUTSIDE

FUR VEST

SOMEONE WEARING SOMEONE

SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE

SEE A SQUIRREL WITH A FISH HEAD

RED-LINED WOOL SOCKS STICKING OUT

IT’S TOO DAMN LOUD

MAKE TREVOR SMILE

PASSERBY BLOWS KISS

STRANGER’S CONFIRMED UNDERWEAR COLOUR

SEE AN EAGLE WITH A BEAR HEAD

AMERICANS

SEE SOMEONE SQUINTING AT BEER MENU

ALLEY CAT SIGHTING

DC—In December 1993, I started doing home sale parties, but there were mostly looky-loos, people too embarrassed to buy anything. I had some stock leftover so I rented a building that month and started with oils, Kama Sutra books and vibrators. RQ—What compelled you to try to sell sex toys in a small town like Revy? DC—I was sitting around talking with friends about it. Like any product, I saw a hole in the local market.

a gentleman came in the shop. He was rather stern, questioning why it was OK to sell these things. I think he was extremely religious. Oh, and there was a third time. I had a woman complain to the City about sexy men’s and women’s underwear in the window. RQ—Is there anonymity at the store? Say I need you to order in some specialty model D-83 Swedish sure-grip suck machine with extra... DC—We’re more discrete than a bank. The only time we admit anything is if it’s a stagette or something where people are getting gifts. RQ—Do you feel any sort of throwback to the olden days, when Revelstoke’s brothels and opium dens were quietly tolerated by polite society?

“We’re more discrete than a bank.” RQ—Your sign says the “Most Tasteful Sex Shop in the West,” what does that mean? DC—I see people do a double-take when they read that. I call it that because one day I drove to Vernon to check out the competition. As soon as I walked in there was a wall of vibrators. It’s not welcoming especially if you’re a little shy. RQ—I saw in the window of a sex shop in Kamloops a sale to “stock up on lube and plugs this winter,” playing on auto parts advertising. What do you make of that kind of shtick? DC—We use humour a lot. But we try to do it tastefully. Even in advertising I don’t single out lubes because people get uncomfortable. RQ—Is it ever awkward selling bongs and butt-plugs in a small town? Is there ever any backlash? DC—The only time I had any difficulty was—well, there were two times. I wanted to put up a sign at the Forum arena. City Council didn’t want it because “sex” was in the sign. It gave us all kinds of free advertising. They did a poll on the radio. It went to CBC Vancouver. It was my best month for sales. Another time,

DC—I guess possibly in 50 or 100 years they’ll say ‘remember when’ looking back. Hopefully they say kind words. RQ—What are your proudest products? DC—Probably the organic hemp flakes, powder and oil and all the organic lubricants and the Canada-made soy-based healthy massage candles. So much of this stuff now is made in China, unfortunately. RQ—What are your funniest products? (Here, Dinah simply strolls over to one aisle and picks up a box labeled: “Just-in Beaver,” which is a blowup doll with the rubbery likeness of pop icon Justin Bieber. The box advertises it’s “a love doll now with two love holes.”) RQ—Are you going to run the store forever? DC—It’s hard to retire when you’re doing something you love. RQ—Have you seriously ever sold a fist? DC—I’m actually running out. I sold one to a man from Germany. Everyone needs to spice up their life.

14 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

GOT ANY OTHER BURNING QUESTIONS? www.optionsforsexualhealth.org

Let’s Have The Talk

All the sexual health questions you’re probably too embarrassed to ask

RM—I guess for women it would be about an unusual smell from ‘down there,’ and for men, their concern may be skin changes on their penis and whether it’s a normal lump or bump or an STI. RQ—What do you tell them? RM—For women it may just be bacterial vaginosis, which is a common. It can come and go on it’s own or be treated with antibiotics. It is an overgrowth of your normal bacteria and could cause increased discharge, ‘fishy’ odor and irritation. If women are noticing symptoms we can treat it with antibiotics. RQ—And men? RM—Usually skin changes are good to get checked out by a nurse or doctor. Sometimes they can be nothing or some skin changes could be genital warts or herpes. Best not to worry and get checked out before you get too concerned. RQ—What advice do you have for young people having sex? RM—Just be sure that you know what it means to have sex and don’t be pressured by peers or media. And if you’re ready to make that decision, make sure you’re with a partner who is supportive and practicing safe sex by using condoms and you also know where to access birth control or Plan-B. And, if you have any questions, you should have someone to talk to whether it’s parents or friends or a nurse or doctor.

there are changes to your body from when you were younger. Talking with your doctor, you can find some things you can do to make sex as comfortable and enjoyable as it would be at any age.

“There’s no such thing as being too old to have sex.” RQ—I accidentally slipped in the shower and uh, this shampoo bottle fell up my butt. What uh, what do I do? RM—Well, it’s best to use toys that are specifically meant for that area because it will prevent these sorts of things from happening. RQ—I saaaaid ... I slipped. RM—Yes. Well. These things happen. No judgment. I would advise going to the hospital and we can take a look and help with removal. These things have the potential to be serious by obstructing the colon or damaging sensitive tissue. RQ—Also, I don’t remember a lot about last night but I remember condoms weren’t involved. RM—OK, so P in V with no C? I just made that up. RQ—Yea that.

RQ—What advice do you have for old people having sex?

RM—I would get tested now and again in three months, and in that time make sure to use condoms. Some STIs we can test in the first week. Others we can’t detect for close to three months. By testing soon and then in three months you can be assured with the result.

RM—First of all, there’s no such thing as being too old to have sex. But there can be some challenges as you age. With aging

RQ—I have this friend whose pet cat has cat herpes. Is it possible to get herpes from being friends with him?

RM—I don’t really know what cat herpes are. RQ—I’m Web MD’ing it right now. RM—But as for human herpes, there are two types. Both are spread by direct contact by herpes sores. It cannot be cured but there are anti-virals that can help with outbreaks. As time goes on usually people find fewer, less severe outbreaks. RQ—According to my research, humans cannot contract cat herpes. RM—Just know that some websites have good information and some don’t. It’s knowing whether it’s info you can trust or just some guy at home. RQ—So I shouldn’t just get all my sexual health questions answered on the Internet? RM—The Internet is a good place to start to answer some of your questions. You could also call the free Sex Sense line (1-800-739-7367) or head to the OPT clinic here in Revelstoke on Wednesdays from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. OPT also visits the high school Mondays from 11:30 to 12:30. 

Revel Stoke whisky not actually from Revelstoke Let’s talk about that.

It is possibly the greatest misnomer in Revelstoke— Revel Stoke whiskey is not actually made here. So, Reved reached Rumi Jaffer and Willie Nelson with Phillips Distilling Company, makers of Revel Stoke whiskey to get to the bottom of this mystery once and for all.

RQ—First of all, for clarification sake, Rumi your name is pronounced “Roomie” and not “Rummy,” right? I assume that would be too perfect working for a distillery.

RJ—Haha, I have pretty smart parents but that would have been an incredible foreshadow. Indeed it is pronounced like your roommate— “Roomie.”

Rumi Jaffer (left) and Willie Nelson have some (See next page. Obvs.) serious explaining to do.

upcoming WINTER programs

RQ—First, what questions do people seem most embarrassed asking you about?

ROSETTA MITCHELL, R.N. (PHOTO BY PETER WORDEN)

Reved speaks with local sexual health expert and nurse Rosetta Mitchell.

Parks, Recreation & Culture Department _______________ Upcoming Winter Programs • Slow-pitch • Community Yard Sale • Sushi-making • Aquafit • Swim Lessons • Zumba • Synchronized Swimming • Red Cross Courses • Powerfit • Step Class • Early Morning Weights • T.I.M.E. • Kids Safety Courses • Mechatronics • Pro-D Camps • Swim & Movie Nights AND MORE ...

To register or for more information call

250 837 9351 prc@revelstoke.ca (‘Priddy good little Christmas

present ideas, right here ...)



$20 HOODIES + FREE DELIVERY!

1 Reved Quarterly WINTER 2016/17

Guessing Game

THINGS THAT USED TO BE OTHER THINGS

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Look around downtown and pretty well everything you see used to be something else. It’s why this winter, Reved is proud to present an issue all about the colourful history of our fair city—sex, drugs and all. Match the buildings below and play other games inside to get edumacated.

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HEY!—WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WHAT USED TO BE WHAT? THE REVELSTOKE MUSEUM & ARCHIVES HAS YOU COVERED. CURRENT EXHIBITS ARE ”LAND OF THUNDERING SNOW” AND “FIRST TRACKS.” THIS IS NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S MUSEUM. CURATOR CATHY ENGLISH MAKES HISTORY A LOT OF FUN. CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF...

315 FIRST ST. WEST CLOSED SUNDAY.

(250) 837 3067