RFD Issue 1 Autumn 1974 by RFD Magazine Gay

In t r o d u c t i o n R u s t ic F a i r y D r e a m s L etters Con A brazo New S o d o m A rticles Stevens M cClave D ead ly N i g h t s h a d e H op B r o o k C o m m u n e A R e je c ti o n L e n t i l -M ill et Com ing Home O ld F a r m e r (an i n t e r v i e w ) Poems p eter's poem ollie's poems d o n-tev el's poem C o l o r B ook M a r i g o l d ; c h r o m e y ello w Contact

R . F . D . is p u b l i s h e d by R . F . D. P . O . Bo x 161 G r i n n e l l , Io w a 50112

3 6 22 4 7 10 13 19 19 24 7 12 26 22 9 26

R . F . D . is p r i n t e d by Iowa C i t y W o m e n ' s P r e s s 1161/2 E a s t B e n t o n S t r e e t Io w a C ity , Io w a 52240

S e c o n d C l a s s p o s t a g e p aid at Io w a C i t y , Io w a t h r o u g h t h e c o u r t e s y of th e Io w a C i t y Gay .L ib e r a tio n F r o n t of the U n i v e r s i t y of Io w a. Sin g le i s s u e 50^, O n e y e a r s u b s c r i p t i o n $ 2 . 0 0 {four i s s u e s ) .

A u t u m n a l E q u i n o x 1974 H e r e it is. No l o n g e r a fa n t a s y , R . F . D . e x i s t s . A s gay people living in the c o u n tr y w e felt a n e e d fo r t h in g s t h a t u r b a n o r i e n t e d gay p u b lic a tio n s an d a d a m a n t l y h e t e r o s e x u a l c o u n t r y m a g a z i n e s c o u ld not p r o v i d e . We a t t e n d e d gay m e e t i n g s and s c h e d u l e d c o n f e r e n c e s at gay c o n f e r e n c e s ho pin g to m e e t people w h o w e r e a l s o into c o u n t r y a l t e r Â natives . T h is s p r i n g at the A n n A r b o r Gay C o n f e r e n c e t h e c o n n e c t in g link w as S te v e n s M c C l a v e . He h a d left a too i s o l a t e d r u r a l l if e s t y l e in O r e g o n to be a g a i n a m o n g city g a y s , an d told us of o t h e r m e n s till t h e r e . F r o m o u r c o r r e s p o n d e n c e a c r o s s 2000 m i l e s , t h e e n t h u s i a s m fo r a p u b lic a tio n g r e w . And g re w a s w e b eg an c o m m u n i c a t i n g w ith f r i e n d s of f r i e n d s , an d w ith f r i e n d s of f r i e n d s of f r i e n d s w ho, w e d i s c o v e r e d , s h a r e d m u c h th e s a m e f a n t a s y as w e did . So th e w o r k fo r R . F . D . b e g a n . T h e d e a th of Stev en s a few m o n t h s l a t e r p r o m p t e d u r g e n c y an d fin ally this f i r s t i s s u e - -R u s t i c F airy D ream s--h as come true. W e h o pe to b r e a k down the f e e lin g of i s o l a t io n f r o m t h in g s gay t h a t m a n y of us e x p e r i e n c e in r u r a l s e t t i n g s , to b uild s o m e s e n s e of c o m m u n i t y a m o n g r u r a l gay p eo p le, an d to p r o v id e t h e m e a n s of s h a r i n g w ith e a c h o t h e r o u r t h o u g h ts , f e e lin g s an d i d e a s a b o u t o u r u n iq u e e x p e r i e n c e a s gay c o u n t r y p e o p le . R . F . D . is a r e a d e r - p a r t i c i p a t o r y v e n t u r e . You w r i t e , sin g , d a n c e and a r e R . F . D . We n e e d y o u r c o n t r i b u t i o n s of m a t e r i a l , e n e r g y and love to ' survive. No w o m e n h a v e c o n t r i b u t e d m a t e r i a l f o r th is f i r s t i s s u e , but w e hope it is not so m a l e - o r i e n t e d / d o m i n a t e d to p r e v e n t L e s b i a n s f r o m u s in g th is m a g a z i n e fo r c o m m u n i c a t i o n w ith e a c h o t h e r . A n d p e r h a p s , w ith th e E a r t h as o u r c o m m o n g ro u n d , w e can beg in a m u c h n e e d e d d ia lo g u e b e t w e e n gay w o m e n and m e n . R e s p o n s e s to a r t i c l e s h e r e i n w ill be g ladly f o r w a r d e d to the w r i t e r s by th e R . F . D . sta ff. L o v e , A l la n , C a r l , D o n - T e v e l , O l a f r O llie , R ic k an d S t e w a r t

STEVENS

McCLAVE

T h e two v iolins filled the a i r . A d e lightfully playful tune m a d e m e laugh, c o n j u r i n g up a t i m e w h e n S te v e n s and I w a l k e d down a city s t r e e t . C o n s t r u c tion w o r k e r s n e a r b y s t a r t e d j e e r i n g at us, as we w a l k e d nand in h an d . His g e n iu s , h is p r i d e t u r n e d t h e i r c a t c a l l s into a s t o n i s h m e n t as he w i g g l e d his a s s , fluffed his h a i r , an d p u lled m e c l o s e r to h i m . But he is d e a d now. In J u n e , he h o ok ed a h o s e to th e e x h a u s t pipe of his f a t h e r ' s B u ic k , an d g a s s e d h i m s e l f d e a d in the b a c k s e a t . A n d tw en ty of u s, five d ay s l a t e r , s a t l i s t e n i n g to the violin d u e t s , t r y i n g to c o p e 'w i t h t h a t g r u e s o m e fact. E a r l i e r that a ft e r n o o n I h ad had s o m e d o u b t s . J i m h ad w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r this g a t h e r i n g w o u ld h a v e any m e a n in g . He had c o m e up f r o m San F r a n c i s c o to be w ith m e , to s h a r e o u r l o s s . Bu t how to s h a r e a n y th in g with tw en ty people, s o m e of w h o m he did not know, s o m e of w h o m did not know

4 RFD

1945-1974

S te v e n s . I a d m i t t e d to m y s e l f the s a m e d o ub ts, bat I w a n t e d it to w o r k . I n e e d e d s o m e s o c ia l r e c o g n i t i o n , a c o l l e c t i v e g r i e f . A nd p e r h a p s s o m e c l i m a x , s o m e w ay to c a ll an end to the g lo o m th a t e n v e lo p e d u s. W e g a t h e r e d slo w ly , u n d e r the m a ple t r e e on the f ro n t law n. T h e late a f t e r n o o n light h a d r e p l a c e d th e hot g l a r e of m i d d a y . T h e w o m e n f r o m C a b b a g e L a n e h a d a r r i v e d , an d with only one ex c e p tio n , all the w o m e n s a t t o g e t h e r . I r e m e m b e r w o n d e r i n g idly, in the f i r s t m o m e n t s of s i l e n c e , w h a t t h a t s ig n ifie d . A t f i r s t I w a s d i s t u r b e d , but felt b e t t e r as I r e a l i z e d they w e r e t o g e t h e r . A nd ;hey h a d c o m e for s o m e w h a t d i f f e r e n t r e a s o n s f r o m m e an d m a n y of th e m e n : they w e r e not his c l o s e f r i e n d s . P e r h a p s they w a n t e d to m a k e s o m e r e c k o n i n g w ith d e a th o r s u ic i d e ; p e r h a p s to s u p p o r t th o s e who had b e e n his b r o t h e r s . J e a n b r o k e the long s i l e n c e , th e c o n ten t of h e r w o r d s l e s s m e a n in g f u l than

th e c o m m i t m e n t to v e r b a l i z e d s h a r i n g .

A h a lf d o z e n s h o r t r e c o l l e c t i o n s of

good h a p p y m o m e n t s w ith S t e v e n s f o l lo w e d . M i t z i r e c a l l e d t i m e s w h e n h e s a n g o ld r o c k a n d show t u n e s , h a lf in h u n o r an d w h o ll y in i d e n t i f i c a t io n ; an d the C h r i s t m a s p a r t y w h e r e S t e v e n s b r a v e d the s t r a i g h t - h i p p i e c r o w d w i th g l i t t e r on h is e y e l i d s a n d c h e e k s . I w a s glad p eo p le w e r e ta l k i n g . I fe lt w o r r i e d t h a t J i m an d T o m m y . S t e v e n s ’ c l o s e s t f r i e n d s f r o m the city, w e r e so q u i e t - - a r e th e y o ffe n d e d w ith th e l i g h t n e s s , th e s u p e r f i c i a l i t y ? A m I? How c a n I s a y a n y th i n g at a l l ? How c a n I b eg in to s h a r e ? F o r t h r e e y e a rs, Stevens' presen ce, or absence, w a s the o v e r w h e l m i n g fa c t of m y life. But s o m e h o w th e w o r d s s t a r t e d to c o m e . I c a n ' t r e m e m b e r now w h a t I s a i d th e n , but I m u s t h a v e d o m i n a t e d the t a lk f o r a w h il e . T e a r s c a m e , m e m o r i e s , s o m e l a u g h t e r . J i m , w ho h a d s h a r e d so m a n y d iffic u lt, o r h ap p y, t i m e s w h e n w e t h r e e h ad liv ed t o g e t h e r - - J i m w a s inv o lv ed , too. A n d T o m m y b e g a n to r e c o l l e c t . T h e flow of w o r d s eb b e d slo w ly , l e a v i n g a n o t h e r s i l e n c e I l o o k e d to A lla n . He h a d b e e n so c e n t r a l to the f o r m a t i o n of this e-'ent. He h a d d i s

s u a d e d m e f r o m fly in g to M i c h i g a n fo r w h a t p r o b a b l y w o u ld h a v e b e e n a s te rile funeral ex perience. F ritz , S t e v e n s ' b e r e f t l o v e r , w o u ld h a v e b e e n t h e r e , an d p r o b a b ly w o u l d n 't h a v e b e e n a b l e to be o p en w ith m e . His m o t h e r , w h o s e pain S t e v e n s c a r r i e d a r o u n d w ith h i m as a h e a v y s t o n e . H is f a t h e r , w h o s e p a t r i a r c h y is to m e m o s t d i r e c t l y r e s p o n s i b l e fo r S t e v e n s ' d e s p a i r . No, it w a s a good d e c i s i o n not to go to the f u n e r a l . A l la n , too, h a d shown m e , in t h o s e f i r s t few hovirs a f t e r th e n e w s , that an y m e a n i n g fo r m e o r fo r xis lay h e r e in W o lf C r e e k . W h e t h e r t h e r e is a s o u l o r not, I d o n 't know. But th e i m p a c t of his life, an d his d e a th , is su rely h e re am ong us. My eyes asked, a c r o s s the c irc le , if th e t i m e w a s r i g h t fo r h i m a n d R i c h a r d to m a k e m u s i c . A l l a n ' s e y e s s a i d y e s , a n d a d d e d that, he h a d b e e n p a r t a k in g of th e c i r c l e , a l b e i t in s i l e n c e . T h e y p la y e d t o g e t h e r a s th e sun d r o p ped b e n e a t h th e h ills , o p e n i n g up a c a l m . T h e v a r i o u s p i e c e s c o n j u r e d up m o o d s an d m e m o r i e s of S t e v e n s . 1 l o o k e d to e a c h p e r s o n in th e c i r c l e , an d felt b u o y e d by w h a' had t r a n s pired.

RFD 5

J u ly 28 Dear R . F . D . , F o r s o m e t i m e now I h a v e felt th a t c o m m u n i t y c a n be b u ilt e v e n if that c o m m u n i t y is " lo n g d i s t a n c e " . I h a v e a fe e lin g th a t folks w ho a r e s e e k i n g s o m e s o r t of a l t e r n a t i v e by m o v i n g b a c k to th e e a r t h w ill be the c r e a t o r s of th in g s gobd fo r p o s t e r i t y , I a m no t c o n s e r v a t i v e n o r a m I an i s o l a t i o n i s t , but I do th in k t h a t t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g ’v e r y b e au tifu l to life if w e t r y to l iv e it To c o m p o u n d this w ith b ein g Gay is to c o m p l i c a t e th e martter a bit. On th e one h and w e a r e j u s t folks w ho h a p pen to be h o m o s e x u a l l y in c lin ed , an d on the o t h e r h an d w e h a v e b r o k e n t h r o u g h s o m e of th e s t r o n g e s t a n d all p e r v a d i n g of n o r m s . If w e a r e a b l e to b r e a k t h r o u g h t h e s e n o r m s w ith lov e, s t r e n g t h , c o n c e r n , an d o p e n n e s s the n w e m ay well be ab le to s t a r t to s h a p e th e "new s o c i e t y " w ith a new and l e a l t h i e r p e r s p e c t i v e on s e x u a l i t y . I feel that th is is an i m p o r t a n t an d u n iq u e c h a r g e . We m u s t t r y to l iv e it. T h is m a g a z i n e a f f o r d s m e an o p p o r tu n ity I h a v e been lo o k in g for. T h e r e is m u c h t h a t 1 w an t to s h a r e , an d it h a s s p r u n g f r o m m y liv in g out in the c o u n t r y fo r s o m a n y y e a r s a l o n e I a m not s u r e th a t I w ill be a big c o n t r i b u t o r for i la c k s o m e of the s e l f c o n f i d e n c e th a t I n e e d in o r d e r to fe e l c o m f o r t a b l e enough to s e n d m a t e r i a l in. I will t r y tho u g h . B e in g a p e r s o n w ho h as a s t r o n g te n d e n c y t o w a r d s b e in g a h e r m i t and b eing Gay h a s been both a joy b ey o nd all b e l ie f an d a pain. P e r h a p s th is m a g a z i n e w ill h e l p b r e a k down that s e n s e of iso l a t io n f r o m th in g s gay an d not c o m p r o m i s e the v e r y b a s i c and b eau tifu l life s o m e folks find in being c l o s e to t h e day an d th e night. I w e l c o m e t h i s - - I r e a l l y fe e l t h a t W alt W h it m a n w o u ld too. 1 will t r y to g et s o m e thin g s t o g e t h e r - - b u t p e r h a p s th is w ill b e my f i r s t c o n t a c t . 1 a m t e r r i b l y b u s y j u s t now an d t h e stu ff I h a v e n e e d s s o m e w o r k b e f o r e I s e n d it in. I loo k f o r w a r d to th e f i r s t copy! Co n a b r a z o , Peter

(> RFID'

August 3 D e a r R . F . D. , W ell, h e r e ' s on e thin g . S o m e folks lik e, s o m e folks d o n 't . O n c e I w a s to ld it w a s not a p o e m . W ell, I d o n 't much care . T h is s p r i n g s f r o m a t i m e in m y life w h e n 1 r e a l l y did liv e q u ite a l o n e . B u t 1 d i d n 't l i k e b e in g a l o n e . A f t e r s e v e r a l y e a r s ' w a i t (d ealin g , to y in g to m a k e the p la g u e go away) I fin ally c a m e o u t ( two y e a r s ag o at 27 y e a r s ) . A f t e r t h a t, th e b u r s t of e x c i t e m e n t an d the joy of th e folks l w a s w i th k e p t m e e n c h a n t e d w ith m y " n e w " s e l f . I w a n t e d fo r th e f i r s t t i m e to be w i th p e o p le . B e i n g an a l m o s t h e r m i t h u r t . I a l s o b eg an to do lots of t h in k in g , r e e x a m i n ing, r e a d i n g , etc. T h is p o e m c a m e to m e w h i l e I w a s m o w i n g the law n w h e n I r e a l i z e d the joy i n s i d e of m e . I fe lt lik e I w a s to b u r s t , k n ow in g t h a t joy w h i c h w a s th e p r o d u c t of a joyous and ple asurab le relatio n sh ip I h a v e w i th m y h e a d w h e n I th in k q u ie t l y . P e r h a p s t h a t r e l a t i o n s h i p is a k in to t h e p l e a s u r e s of s e x and, as f a r a s I c a n tell, can be as p r o d u c t i v e . P e r h a p s h e r e i n l ie s th e e s s e n c e of a c r e a t i v e life fo r a n y o n e - - G a y s w ho cannot p ro c re a te biologically fro m t h e i r l o v e - m a k i n g an d f o r s t r a i g h t s who c a n (s o w h a t ? ) . Perhaps.... T h i s p a r a g r a p h w a s fun w r i t i n g . Co n a b r a z o Peter

V THE DEADLY NIGHTSHADE A l l e n Young

you know, two t h in g s j u s t flip p ed t h r u my head o n e thing, m y h e a d is m y friend an d 1 lik e h i m an d I get to s l e e p w ith him a n d if I e v e r go m a d if I a m e v e r c o n f u s e d if e v e r a n y th in g I h a v e h i m h e r e w ith me. S e e m s t h e r e a r e s o m e folks w ho c a n ' t be f r i e n d s w ith their heads. t h e r e a r e t h o s e w ho liv e in c l o s e t s t h e r e a r e t h o s e who j u s t h a v e n e v e r g otten to know their c lo se st friend th e re a r e those. . . w e l l , w h y d w e ll on it? now w h e n I fe e l a l o n e o r w h e n I fe e l j e a l o u s a n d w h e n I w a n t to sit and c ry about the future I have a friend we talk silently w e do th i n g s s il e n t ly t h e r e a r e no w o r d s w e a r e a l w a y s fuck ing m e always pregnant a l w a y s in l a b o r .

O n e of th e j o y s of liv in g in W e s t e r n M a s s a c h u s e t t s is an i n c r e d i b l e c o u n 足 t r y r o c k b a n d w h ic h c a l l s i t s e l f T h e Deadly N ightshade. T h e l a s t t i m e w e w en t to s e e t h e m w a s a few w e e k s ago. T h e p la c e w a s T h e B e r n a r d s t o n Inn, a s m a l l - t o w n b a r ro u g h l y m i d - w a y b e tw e e n A m h e r s t M a s s . . an d B r a t t l e b o r o , Vt. T h e B e r n a r d s t o n Inn is a r a t h e r s t r a i g h t p la c e , but t h e N i g h t s h a d e h a s a n i n c r e d i b l e fo llo w in g of s t r o n g , u p 足 f r o n t gay w o m e n , w h o w e r e not c o n 足 c e r n e d about t h e r e g u l a r c r o w d at the Inn. T h e y g a v e us fag g o ts a lot of c o u r a g e , a n d b e f o r e long w e w e r e d a n c i n g w ith e a c h o t h e r . A number of c o u n t r y f r e a k s in the c r o w d helpe d, too . T h e r e w e r e a few s t a r e s f r o m th e " s t r a i g h t s " in the c r o w d , but no h o s t i l i t y b e y o n d th a t. (W hat a r e l i e f ! ) O u r f r i e n d D a v id c a l l e d a V i r g i n i a R e e l , a n d he s p e c i f i c a l l y w e n t out of h is w ay to s a y t h a t it d id n 't m a t t e r what sex your partner w as. T h e D ead ly N i g h t s h a d e c o n s i s t s of t h r e e young w o m e n m u s i c i a n s w ho lik e to m a k e liv ely m u s i c an d to h e l p p e o 足 p le . h a v e a good t i m e . T h ey a r e not a L e s b i a n b a n d any m o r e than they a r e a w o m e n 's band or a vegetarian b a n d -bu t th e y h a v e a gay follo w in g and play f r e q u e n t l y f o r g a y - o r i e n t e d e v e n ts T h a n k you, H e le n , A n n e , an d P a m e l a , f r o m a fag g o t w ho l ik e s the w o o ds and lik e s to b o o g ie , too!

th e o t h e r thin g unborn escapes me. m a y b e it too is a n o t h e r silent poem.

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and p r a y e r (a kin d of c o n c e i t ) - - n o l o n g e r " s i s s y " (p eo p le a r e l e s s u n kind at fifteen ). . . .W h a t w a s the w o r d the n f o r " p r i s s y " ? P i o u s ? WINOOSKI, V E R M O N T : A m i d b u d ding young m e n , t r a d i n g in p u b e r ty fo r a s h e l t e r e d m a n h o o d an d an u l t i m a te heaven - -renouncing carn al p le a B U R L IN G T O N , V E R M O N T : T h e s t o r e s u r e s w e b a r e l y u n d e r s t o o d . T h e h o u s e of all e a r l y , t r i v i a l m e m o r i e s . . . n o v i t i a t e s . A n d a n o t h e r F r e d (but th e fat an d a w k w a r d p r e - p u b e r t y y e a r s . th is t i m e h is n a m e w a s M ic h a e l) . A nd lo v e . O r o b s e s s i o n ? T h e n e e d fo r T h e painful t i m e of b ein g " G r a n d m a ' s b o y" . . . a n d a s i s s y . E n d l e s s n ig h ts of h is s e m e n , th e d a r k joy of m y ton g u e in h is a n u s - - t e a r i n g painfully a t the s ta n d i n g b a r e f o o t on c o ld w o o d f l o o r s , r o o t s to p u s h j u s t a l it t le f u r t h e r - - a loo k in g at a d a r k s k y out t h e s e c o n d h u n g e r , ev en , fo r h is t o e s . . .n o a c t s t o r y b e d r o o m window of an old s a g too b a s e an d no a r e a too i m p r o b a b l e ging c l a p b o a r d h o u s e - - l o n e l y - - n e r v e in th e e x p r e s s i o n of m y n eed . T ill w e e n d in g s c o m i n g aliv e . . . d i s t u r b e d w e r e c a u g h t - - a n d e x p e lle d . (not y et t o r t u r e d ) by v ag u e, u n d e fin e d EAST HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT: image.3. T h e b eg in n in g of " b e in g d i f In ex ile , a t s e v e n t e e n . C o n s u m e d f e r e n t " ? No. M e r e l y the b eg in n in g w ith s h a m e , d e s e r t e d by God, d e s of b e in g a w a r e of d i f f e r e n c e , th e a p is e d by f a m i l y . . . a t i m e of s i l e n t w a k e n i n g of h u n g e r . p e n a n c e , m a r k e d by the d e t e r m i n a t i o n KINGSTON, NEW YORK: T w e l v e , to o v e r c o m e " s i c k n e s s " a n d be a c an d f r i e n d l e s s . A f r a i d of m a n y th in g s , c e p t a b l e to b o th h e a v e n and m y p e e r s . m o s t l y of p eo p le m y a g e. D ev elo p in g CED ARCREST, CONNECTICUT: a f a s c i n a t i o n fo r m o t h e r ' s m a k e u p N i n e te e n , a n d c o p in g w ith a t u b e r c u and u n d e r c l o t h e s . D i s c o v e r i n g m a g l a r l e s i o n . M i n i m a l , but e n f o r c e d a z i n e p i c t u r e s of s h i r t l e s s m e n , r e r e s t of five m o n t h s , l a r g e l y in s o l i p elle d by my r e s p o n s e . T h e b e g i n t u d e . W a r d s of m e n , s l e e p i n g w ith ning of a s t i r r i n g , an itch. T h en , e r e c t i o n s , playin g w ith t h e m s e l v e s *l e a r n i n g f r o m a book how to m a s t u r s o m e t i m e s f u r t iv e l y , s o m e t i m e s w ith b a t e (with / e t u n f o r m e d i m a g e s ) . . . one a n o t h e r . A n o r g y of i m a g i n i n g s , an a g r e a t e r s p i r i t u a l t h r i l l than f i r s t agony of s e l f - d e n i a l . Holy C o m m u n i o n . DENNIS, M A S S A C H U S E T T S : Sea TA LCO TV ILLE, CONNECTICUT: b reeze s, salt air, recuperation. A F o u r t e e n , an d l a t e in s e l f - d i s c o v e r y resident, s u m m e r-s to c k a c to r , s h a l . . . t i l l F r e d . P ick in g to b a c c o in low but b e a u t if u l m a n . L e a r n i n g a s u m m e r - - r a c i n g a h e a d of the o t h e r s l it t le of lov e, l e a r n i n g t h e r e w a s m o r e till w e h ad the row to o u r s e l v e s , to it tha n I - c o m e - y o u - c o m e - w i t h luck, ta u n tin g e a c h o t h e r , w r e s t l i n g , r u b w e both do. T h e r e w a s s e c r e t s m i l in g , bing a g a i n s t e a c h o t h e r ' s b o d ie s - p r i v a t e j o k e s , all the f a c e ts of s h a r i n g , feelin g , f u r t iv e l y an d s h y l y - - p r o thin k in g all day of one a n o t h e r , w a itin g g r e s s i n g in f r a n k e x p e r i m e n t a t i o n to be, ag a in , t o g e t h e r - -a n d c l o s e an d t ill fin ally e a c h knew a c l i m a x not w a r m . T il l , fo r h im , th e n o v e lty w o r e s e l f - i n d u c e d . A y e a r of living for off. Bu t I'd b eg u n to g r o w - - t r a d e d in the s m e l l an d tou ch and t a s t e of F r e d guilt and p e n a n c e on th e p u r s u i t of a - - t i l l h e s a i d he w a s too old fo r somewhat earth ier, m o re real, happi " t h a t s h it " , and s t a r t e d going s te a d y n ess. w ith a g irl. S OM ERVILLE, MASSACHUSETTS: ROCKVILLE, CONNECTICUT: F i f F i r s t l o v e r . L o o k in g b a c k , p e r h a p s t e e n , an d so ld by the nuns on m y " v o the only r e a l l o v e r . T h r e e y e a r s of c a t i o n " . F r e d b u r i e d , lo c k e d in a b ein g d aily a f r a i d to l o s e h i m , e a t e n p a r t of th e m i n d ;hat I r a r e l y w a n w ith th e pain of lo v in g too m u c h , s u r e d e r e d ; h u n g e r s i g n o r e d and i n c r e a s ingly d o r m a n t - - i m m e r s e d in faith c o n ti n u e d page 10 FULL

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I c o u i d n e v e r lo v e a g a i n in t h e s a m e w ay (i w a s rig h t) --d im in ish e d and d estroy ed by v a g r a n t i n f i d e l i t i e s , s m a l l d i f f e r e n c e s . (I w a s l a t e r to l e a r n th e pain of b e in g l o v e d too m u c h , and not r e s p o n d i n g : t h a t 's i n f in ite ly w o r s e . I u n d e r s to o d hen, and. b e l a t e d l y , forgave. ) OMAHA, NEBRASKA: S tu b b in g my t o e s on the w a y to C a l i f o r n i a - - d a y s t u r n e d into w e e k s , then m o n t h s . H au n tin g p a r k s , p ab lic j o h n s , a l l e y s . Not n u r s i n g th e b o u n d s , but a g g r a v a t i n g t h e m , and h a t in g m y s e l f . T h e w o r l d a c o l l e c t i o n of d i m l y - l i t , a n o n y m o u s m e n ' s b o d ies - - s o m e of t h e m m e n a c i n g . It d id n 't m a t t e r . All of t h e m c o c k s to be s u c k e d , 1 t r i e d not to m i s s any. A p e r i o d w ith o u t w a r m t h , w i th o u t s h a r i n g , d ev o id of c o m m u n i c a t i o n . A c r a m m e d s u c c e s i o n of anonymous encounters, the only n e e d , an d the only m e m o r y : th a t of a m o u th fu l of s t r a n g e , w a r m prick. CARMEL VALLEY, C A L IF O R N IA : W h e r e w o r k b e c a m e i m p o r t a n t , an d r e w a r d i n g . a s o u r c e of p r i d e . D i r e c t i o n s fo r the fu t u r e e m e r g e d . B e in g a c c e p t e d fo r o n e 's self, a s h a r i n g of th o u g h ts and i n t e r e s t s -o n e ' s s e x u a l i t y w a s o n e 's own b u s i n e s s , and of no i m p o r t a n c e . T i m e to a c c e p t b e i n g gay, w ith n e i ther unw arranted sham e n o r p o i n t l e s s p r i d e , and t i m e to th in k , c o n s t r u c t i v e l y - w h a t to do ab o u t b e i n g gay. W a s it so d a m n e d i m p o r t a n t an y w ay 7 c o n ti n u e d pag e 12

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W e a r e Hop B r o o k C o m m u n e , a gay c o m m u n i t y Tj in th e c o u n t r y , a h u m a n being c o m m u n e . W e l iv e ^ on a f a r m n e a r A m h e r s t , M a s 3. , ab o u t 15 m i l e s f r o m the U n i v e r s i t y of M a s s a c h u s e t t s , A m h e r s t C o l l e g e an d H a m p s h i r e C o l l e g e . You c a n w r i t e to ^ us a t B o x 723, A m h e r s t , M a s s . 01002. ** W e h a v e a l a r g e f a r m h o u s e on 31 a c r e s an d w e a r e c o n v e r t i n g a s u b s t a n t i a l b a r n into a n o t h e r d w e llin g . A l s o w e h a v e p lans of b u ild in g a g eo d e s i c d o m e w ith y u r t s a r o u n d . T h i s s p r i n g w e Ti b r o k e new g r o u n d fo r a l a r g e g a r d e n a n d s t a r t e d W p la nts in o u r g r e e n h o u s e . O u r c o m m u n i t y is new , only a few m o n t h s old, ffi We h a v e lo ts of g r o w in g to do. M o s t of us h a v e to w o r k a t j o b s in town a t l e a s t s o m e of th e t i m e . • I S o m e d a y w e h o p e to be m o r e s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t ; p e r h a p s w e w i ll b e c o m e a f r e e s c h o o l . Who a r e w e ? T h is m e a n s w e h a v e to d e fin e w h a t p e o p le a r e " i n " th e c o m m u n i t y an d w h ic h one3 a r e "n o t in " . W e r e c o g n i z e f r o m th e s t a r t t h a t all d i v i s i o n s a r e f a l s e . T h e r e is in r e a l i t y no " i n s i d e " an d " o u t s i d e " . Yet, fo r p r a c t i c a l p u r p o s e s w e m a k e d i v i s i o n s . T h e h a r m that c o m e s J# f r o m m a k i n g d i v i s i o n s is in f o r g e t t i n g th a t the d i pt v i s i o n s a r e u n r e a l a n d a r e of o u r own m a k i n g (uni r c o n s c i o u s . P e o p l e d i s c r i m i n a t e a n d w e a r e no f * e x c e p t i o n . Who s a i d , " T h e r e a r e two k in d s of f t p eo p le in this w o r l d : t h o s e w ho d iv i d e the w o r l d op into two k in d s and th o s e who d o n ' t . " ? T h r o u g h in d iv id u al g r o w t h in th e c o m m u n e w e s e e the f a l s e l y n e s s of o u r d i s c r i m i n a t i o n s , but as w e a r e all c o n s c i o u s l y an d u n c o n s c i o u s l y c o n d it i o n e d t h e r e w o u ld M be l i t t l e point in b e in g in the c o m m u n e if w e had a l r e a d y " a r r i v e d " . S. j w e d i s c r i m i n a t e f i r s t an d get in t o u c h w ith it a t o u r own p a c e i n s t e a d of liv ing w ith p eo p le w h o w e d o n 't w a n t to liv e w ith , f l fig h tin g it ou t. U n d e r s t a n d i n g t h r o u g h a w a r e n e s s , not t h r o u g h w a s t e d c o n f u s e d c o n fl ic t . T h e w a y this w o r k s is t h a t w e only live w i th p e o pie w h o m w e get off on ( p r o v id i n g the f e e l i n g is m u t u a l ) . If o n e of us o b j e c t s to a n e w c o m e r inte n d i n g to liv e w i th u s , he u s u a l l y s a y s so and the n e w c o m e r r e m a i n s only a v i s i t o r . B u t o n c e s o m e on e is a c c e p t e d by a ll, p e r s o n a l p r o b l e m s a r e s i m ply p e r s o n a l p r o b l e m s . S u p p o rt is a t h a n d , f i To s u m th is up, w e a r e as m u c h o r a s l it t le ££ " g u i l t y " of a g e i s m , u g l y i s m , f a t i s m , " i s m i s m " as you who r e a d t h i s . Bu t w e a r e a w a r e of it a n d a r e g e ttin g in t o u c h w ith it i n d iv id u a lly in o u r own y s w e e t w a y - -s i m u l t a n e o u s l y fe e lin g good a b o u t all jSf the r e s t of us h e r e but k e e p i n g a w a r e of th e p r o TJ b l e m s of c o n d it i o n i n g .

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T h e e t i q u e t t e of j o i n i n g a c o m m u n e that h as a l r e a d y h a p p e n e d is to get an in v ita tio n to v is i t . St?y only a few h o u r s . D o n 't e x p e c t to be e n t e r t a i n e d . If s o m e o n e a s k s yo u to s ta y a few d a v s , a c c e p t an d l e a v e a f t e r t h o s e few d a y s . If the c o m G ox 51 m u n e w a n t s you, you w ill s o on get an in v itatio n b a c k . D o n 't play w ith y o u r s e l f (s ic ) the r e j e c t i o n B l b l o n > G<x.\i^r. g a m e . If th e y d o n 't w a n t to liv e w ith you. t h a t 's B5i 10 t h e i r a f f a i r ; i t's p r o b a b l y b e c a u s e of a la c k of p o s i t iv e fe e lin g ( b a s e d on s o m e p e r s o n ' s f a i l u r e to co p e) r a t h e r than b e c a u s e of t h e p r e s e n c e of a n e g a t i v e fe e l i n g . D o n 't pu sh it. H e r e w e f a v o r g e n tle , q u ie t, l o n g - h a i r e d e c o logic e a r t h p eo p le, not too la z y but not too a m b i 1 5^(XCO tio u s o r m a n i p u l a t i v e . M o s t of us a r e v e g e t a r i a n s ! an d m o s t of us a r e h o m o - e r o t i c a n d / o r h o m o - h e 7 ^cA orve. yec\c t e r o - e r o t i c , ev en p a n - e r o t i c , bu t n o t a ll. We s h a r e m o s t of the v a l u e s t h a t you w o u ld sx p e ct f r o m an a l t e r n a t i v e s o c i e t y - - s t e e r i n g c l e a r of I c o n s u m e r i s m , c o m m e r c i a l i s m , T . V . , A. M . , a f fe c t i o n , c o m p e t i t i o n , i n t e l l e c t u a l i z e d b u ll s h it , j e g o i s m , r o l e - p l a y i n g , m e r e t o c r a c y and th e r e s t of th a t b o u r g e o i s . W e a r e m u l t i - u n i - r a c i a l . W E R E C O G N I Z E NOT L E SS THAN O N E SEX A M O N G j O o y Ifal H U M A N B E IN G S . G rirsrse U , X qujo . R u l e s . We h a v e no r u l e s . If w e w e r e to d r a w j u p a r u l e , it w o u ld be th a t no on e h e r e will o b je c t if y a n o t h e r (w hich is a l s o to b e ’o b je c ti f i e d ) . | * ? * * * \ ^ ^ l|_» y W e d o n 't w a n t th is c o m m u t e to be a c r a s h p a d - j CrTvJL SJ0JtAr\ d U u x m rrn a h o m o s e x u a l m o t e l - - a p la c e to b r i n g the ind i| v id u al and c o l l e c t i v e f a l s e n e s s of " s e l f " - h a t e an d 5 of " s e l f - l o v e of e i t h e r the m a j o r c u l t u r e s o r of I K)cxcr\£. __________________ th e gay s u b c u l t u r e s . Bu t w e h a v e no fixed s t r u c - A t u r e s o r s y s t e m s f o r o u r s e l v e s . We t r u s t in the f lov in g c o n s i d e r a t e n e s s of o n e a n o t h e r f r o m m o m e n t s B a a re s s to m o m e n t and t h i s is o u r g u ide. F r o m t i m e to t i m e w e " e n c o u n t e r " one a n o t h e r a n d , r e g a r d th is 2 > y e < x r / i ^ F .O . a s op en and h e a l t h y f o r w e w a n t to live in r e l a t i o n - 2 s h i p an d in f r e e c o m m u n i o n . S o m e t i m e s w e h a v e jh g u e s t s who s e e m u n lo v in g o r i n c o n s i d e r a t e o r un bea lov in g -in -th eir-co n sid eraten ess or inconsiderate- L i n - t h e i r - l o v i n g . T h e y a l s o get e n c o u n t e r e d . B u t fj out of t h i s , no r u l e s e m e r g e an d no r e s e n t m e n t s ^ (we hope) n u r t u r e d . We s i m p l y g r o k w h a t 's h a p p en in g an d s p e a k o u r m in d , giv in g an d ta k in g in a V 40-acre guest ranch hidden c l e a r e r p e r c e p t i o n of t r u t h anjd love. in (he Redwood forest just 2 hours W e lik e to r e c e i v e l e t t e r s e s p e c i a l l y f r o m o t h e r s i north of San Francisco. Fully-furnished cabins with fireplaces and decks, or hunkhou.se f<» into c o m m u n a l liv in g. the budget 3nd fun-minded. Full-facility lodge " T e l l y o u r n e i g h b o r s and f o r g i v e t h e m fo r t h e i r with heated pool and roof deck. Reasonable rates include meals. Write f e a r s . " - - f r o m Sw eet R e l e a s e , B o z S c a g g s . P.O. Box 476 How d a r e you c a ll m y i n t e l l e c t u a l i z e d b u ll s h it , Boonvilie, California 95415 intellectualized bullshit' or call (707) 895-3415

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FU L L CIRCLE c o n ti n u e d f r o m p ag e 10 SAN F R A N C IS C O , C A L I F O R N I A ; H a r d y r u r a l , but th e w o r l d ' s b i g gest " s m a ll town". Interesting, varied work, much "c a re e r p ro g ress". W h e r e b eing gay w a s a m a t t e r of c o u r se --p e r h a p 3 o b v io u s, perhap s n ot. I don't know . . .n o m a t t e r , it w o u l d n 't h a v e w a r r a n t e d ev en a r e u s e d eyebrow. Bu t b e in g d r a w n into a s o c ie ty of t h o u s a n d s of h o m o s e x u a l s t o t a l l y s u b m e r g e d in a w o rld of f a n t a s y - - g a y b a r s , gay b a t h s , gay r e s t a u r a n t s , gay c h u r c h e s, gay ice c r e a m p a r l o r s , gay p o litic a l r a l l i e s , gay b e a c h e s , gay s o ftb a l l t e a m s , gay g y m n a s i u m s - - N i r v a n a - -a to tal f o r g e ttin g of any w o rld but o n e's ow n. D o es an a c c i d e n t o f s e x u a l p r e f e r e n c e justify s e l f - b u r i a l in s u c h a s a fe , a r t i f i c i a l l i t t le w o r l d ? B O O N V I L L E , C A L I F O R N I A : So m uch o l d e r than m y e a r l i e s t m e m o r i e s - h alf a l i f e t i m e o r m o r e , I s u p p o s e M o r e s u r e of who I a m . m o r e c o n f i d en t of w ho I c a n be W o r k i n g in a gay b u s i n e s s , yet r e l a t i v e l y c e l i b a t e , and r e l a t i v e l y w i t h o u t p r e s s u r e s . S ta n d in g a lo n e , a g a in , on a c o l d wo o d

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flo o r in th e lo n e lie s t h o u rs o f night, ta lk in g s till w ith s ta r s I'v e c o m e to r e c o g n iz e . H appy? No o n e a lo n e is h a p p y --e v e n in sh a rin g (lo n g enough to find sa fe ty and tr u st in sh a rin g ) h a p p in ess is e lu s iv e . But s u r e r , and a liv e w ith hope fo r m any v ery p o s s i b le fu lfillm e n ts , not th e le a s t ofw h ich is the en du rin g lo v e o f a n o th er m an. F e m e m b e r in g --a s I loo k b ack dow n iL .rty y e a r s , to the d im cu rta in b e yond w h ich m em o ry c a n 't r e a c h any lo n g e r --th a t ev ery th in g and e v ery o n e I e v e r lo v ed , and ev ery th in g in m y s e lf that I e v e r le a r n e d to lo v e , c a m e to m e (or w a s r e v e a le d ) on fa r m s , in w oodland s e ttle m e n ts , and in b a ck w a te r little to w n s. E ven th e p a in s, the h u r ts, th e se lf-p u n is h m e n ts (that w e r e a ll p art o f grow th) hap pen ed in th e s e p la c e s . T he c it ie s - - N e w Y o rk , B o sto n , C h ica g o , M ia m i--w e r e b r it tle . lo n ely p e rio d s of p o in tle ss s e lf in d u lg en ce, g o rg in g at a candy ban qu et, but n e v e r rea ch in g th e r e a l hun g e r s , sc r a tc h in g in c e s s a n tly but not w h e re it itch ed . S e ein g th at at la s t (how lon g it’s taken! ). . . p erh ap s I'll sta y in B o o n v ille .

LLAN TROXLER

None of u s g a v e it m u c h t h o u g h t. S t e w a r t m e n t io n e d s e n d i n g a n o te to M o t h e r E a r t h N e w s (M E N), a m o n g o t h e r p u b l i c a t i o n s , gay, r u r a l , a n d a l t e r n a t i v e . It w a s b r i e f a n d w ell put: c o u n t r y is o l a t io n , n e e d to s h a r e , e s p e c i a l l y a m o n g gay p eo p le, c l a s s i f i e d ad o r P o s i t i o n an d S i t u a ti o n s (PK-S) l is t i n g , s e n d d e t a i ls p l e a s e , th a n k y ou. At one t i m e o r o t h e r all of us h ad p a g e d t h r o u g h M EN, loo k in g fo r a d v i c e , new i d e a s , r e c i p e s , e c o l o g i c a l uplift, a n d e v e r y b o d y in the c o u n t r y k n o w s th a t th e P£.S s e c t i o n is th e b e s t of all o u t h o u s e r e a d i n g . W hen 1 l i v e d in V e r m o n t f o r two lo n e l y y e a r s , a new M E N in th e m a i l b o x w a s s o r t of r e l i e f f r o m the r e a l i t y of th e big co ld h o u s e an d th e w a t e r - l o g g e d g a r d e n . T h e r e w e r e a r t i c l e s a b o u t g r o w i n g o k r a in A l a s k a an d p e a s in B e l i z e , c e m e n t s a i l b o a t s , s h i t - p o w e r ed go c a r t s , h o u s e s built of r a i l r o a d t i e s , an d e i g h t e e n w a y s to u s e e l d e r b e r r i e s . A t l e a s t a s i n t e r e s t i n g as all the h e t e r o s e x u a l d i v e r s i o n s of th e l o c a l l i b r a r y . But then t h e r e w e r e o t h e r a r t i c l e s , too , ab o u t r e p a i r i n g r o o f s , an d s o m e b o d y 's e x e m p l a r y g a r d e n a few v i l l a g e s a w a y , an d can n ing , an d how to m a k e m o n e y do in g one f a i r l y o b v io u s t h in g o r o t h e r . W hich s p o k e to m y c o n d itio n , w ith n e i t h e r s y m p a t h y n o r t a c t . You, too, c o u ld b e b u sy g ettin g y o u r life t o g e t h e r , you s o r r y f a g got. B a c k then t h e r e w e r e j u s t two o r t h r e e p a g e s of PRv> l i s t i n g s , I'd s k i p o v e r " M a r y and I an d o u r t h r e e k i d s " an d loo k fo r s i n g l e m e n o r " B o b and S te v e " e n t r i e s , r e a d i n g b e t w e e n the l i n e s . G e ttin g d e p r e s s e d th a t no o t h e r q u e e r s w a n t e d to liv e in th e c o u n t r y . W as I c r a z y ? I had a lw a y s a s s u m e d I w o u ld en d up liv in g in the c o u n t r y . W as it a v e s t i g e of th e s t r a i g h t w a y s t h a t h ad got m e as f a r a s B o s t o n , w h e r e I c a m e o u t ? T h e l a t e s t i s s u e of M E N w a s s ta c k e d w ith the o t h e r s out of t h e w a y . It w a s a p r e s e n t f r o m M o t h e r an d Daddy. T h e r e h a d been a s p a t ab o u t m y n o t r e g i s t e r i n g to v o te, r e s u l t i n g in a s u b s c r i p t i o n to th e New R e p u b l ic . T h e n a few m o n t h s l a t e r , t h e f i r s t p a l l i a t i v e M E N arrived. P l a i n f i e l d , th e v il l a g e I h ad c o m e to f r o m B o s t o n , is h o m e fo r the u s u a l l o c a l s , a s m a l l l i b e r a l - h i p c o l l e g e , an d a g r o w in g n u m b e r of f r e a k s . M y h o u s e w a s in the v il l a g e c e n t e r , an d I got to know s o m e of the old p e o p le f a i r l y w e l l . At f i r s t I felt p r e s s u r e d to c o m e on i n d u s t r i o u s , not too f r e a k y , a n d d e fin ite ly not q u e e r . B u t a s m y f a n t a s i e s of a h o u s e full of c r a f t s p e o p l e ( p r e f e r a b l y m e n gay l ik e m e ) fa d e d and d e p r e s s i o n s e t in, I found th e old p e o p le t o l e r a n t of f a i l u r e , an d I l o o s e n e d up. O c -

14 RFD

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T h e r e is a g e n tl e s e n s e of p r o p o r t i o n - - t h e y know f r o m g e n e r a t i o n s of f a r m life w h a t n e e d s to b e d i n e TH E M OTH ER EARTH NEW S a n d how to do it. No n e e d to get a n x io u s o r c a r r y o r . T h e g a r d e n w i ll be p la n t e d , t h e w o o d c h o p p e d , th e ...it tells you how (s ix times a year) m e a l s c o o k e d . A n d w h en t h a t is done, you s it in th e s p o t l e s s k it c h e n a n d play e u c h r e o r w h i s t w ith a w o r n d e c k of c a r d s . O r m a y b e o n e of the b o ys n ex t d o o r J une 25 > 197^ * w ill c o m e o v e r fo r a d v i c e on h is c r o c h e t i n g , o r Stew art S c o fie ld t h e y 'l l b r i n g t h e i r i n s t r u m e n t s an d play m u s i c . Malcolm H eights C o lle c tiv e How c o m p r o m i s i n g w a s m y r e l a t i o n s h i p w ith R.D. #2 t h e m ? This s u m m e r . C a rl and I visited Plainfield. Malcom, Ilw a 50157 W h e n I loo k at t h e i r f a c e s an d h e a r t h e i r v o i c e s , 1 a m h o m e , a s m u c h a s I e v e r w a s in V e r m o n t . T h e i r Dear S te w a r t, a c c e p t a n c e of m e and my f r i e n d s is u n c o m p l i c a t e d . I t 's ta k e n f o r g r a n t e d t h a t y o u n g people a r e d i f f e r Many thanks fo r your l e t t e r . ent to d a y , a n d th a t th e D u k e t t e s ' l iv e s h av e l i t t l e r e We here at Mother have a g o n ized , s o u ls e m b l a n c e to m i n e . He h a s n e v e r been to th e o c e a n searched and argued w ith each o th er r e an d c a n ' t r e a d . M r s . D u k e tt e , h a v in g s e e n th e only garding th e running o f P & S l i s t i n g s e s c a l a t o r in V e r m o n t , a t th e P e n n e y ’s in B u r l i n g fo r gay p eo p le. The outcome o f a l l th is ton , c o n f i d e s th a t if yo u d o n 't j u m p off q u ick en o u g h was a d e c is io n — very much a g a in st our you w ill get p u lle d in, s o s h e to o k the s t a i r s . T h e i r p erso n a l b e l i e f s — to make i t an e d it o r ia l w a r m t h g o e s o u t to t h e f r i e n d s an d l o v e r s w h o h a v e p o lic y not to run such l i s t i n g s . We con c o m e w ith m e . A lth o u g h w e n e v e r t a lk e d about gay s id e r our m essage to be th e most im por ta n t a sp ect o f th e magazine and— u n fortu l i b e r a t i o n , I h a v e b e e n a b l e to s h a r e my gay b e in g n ately--m an y‘ o f our read ers are not young, w i th t h e m . h ip , open-minded fo lk s , but are l i t t l e O t h e r w i s e (a f a i r l y w e i g h t y o t h e r w i s e , b e i n g all o ld la d ie s in te n n is sh o e s. t i e d up w ith w hy I 'd c o m e to P l a i n f i e l d in the f i r s t Have a happy d a y , p la c e ) th e f r e a k p r e s e n c e p r o v e d i n c r e a s i n g l y d i s s o n a n t . I h a d h o p e d to find o t h e r fa g g o ts . 1 k n ew of a t l e a s t o n e c o m m u n a l f a r m , t h e c o lle g e , a n d a Nancy B iw o p p u p p e t t h e a t e r c o l l e c t i v e , w h ic h all p r o m i s e d s o m e fo r THE MOTHER EARTH NEWS th in g . B u t I h a d n 't r e c k o n e d on th e function of r e p r e s s i o n in c o u n t e r - c u l t u r e . T h e m e s s a g e g r e w louder a rd louder: "K eep your goddamned hands on t h a t plow, buddy! " F o r th e m a l e fre a k , s e l f r e s p e c t a n d r e s p e c t f r o m m o s t of the local c o m m u n P.0. BOX 70, H E N D E R S O N V lP ft, NORTH C A R O LIN A 28739 ity m e a n t c o m i n g on r u g g e d , s e l f -suffic ient, know l e d g e a b l e a n d p o te n t. You m a y s t a r t out a " c o m c a s i o n a l b o u q u e t s of w i l d f l o w e r s a n d h o m e m a d e c o o k i e s fo r m i e h ip p i e f a g g o t" , but by the t i m e t h e y 'v e w a t c h e d th e n e i g h b o r s c a m e b a c k as m e a l s w h e n I w a s s ic k , an d p a you d r i v e t h r o u g h th e v i l l a g e w ith y o u r p ic k u p full t ie n t l e s s o n s w i th th e s c y t h e . of n e a t l y s t a c k e d fi r e w o o d , s o ld y o u r l i v e s t o c k , s e e n you w h e e l ou t of th e l o c a l g a r a g e g r e a s y an d O n e a f t e r n o o n I w a s s t r u g g l i n g w ith th e s h o v e l a g a i n s t th e t r i u m p h a n t on ^ o u r t r a c t o r , a n d (the c l i n c h e r ) m e t t a n g l e d h y d r a n g e a r o o t s s n a r l i n g up an old f l o w e r b ed th a t I y o u r o ld lad y an d f o u r k i d s ; you h a v e w on s o m e w a n t e d to r e c l a i m f o r b u lb s . A f t e r an h o u r o r s o of t r y i n g to lo o k l ik e I k new w h a t I w a s d oing w h i l e w o r k i n g up a h o p e thin g . W h ich I n e v e r did w in. T h e r e w a s c o n t e m p t in G e o r g e B o a r d m a n ' s e y e s w h en I b r o u g h t l e s s s w e a t , M r . D u k e tt e c a m e ou t of t h e h o u s e n e x t d o o r , in m y c a r an d s a i d , "I d o n 't know w h a t 's w ro n g , a m b l e d o v e r w i th a m a t t o c k , an d s u g g e s t e d a s how I m i g h t but it s o u n d s ifunny a n d it s m e l l s lik e s o m e t h i n g ' s w a n t to t r y it. L a t e r , a s I f l a ile d f e v e r i s h l y at th e l a s t of b u r n in g ." W here w e re the grim y re p a ir m anual, the r o o t s , M r s . D u k e t t e ' s b r o t h e r , th e v il l a g e g r a v e - d i g g e r th e c o v e r a l l s , the w r e n c h e s , the p r o g n o s i s ? I and o d d - j o b s m a n , shopped by a n d a s k e d , "Y o u t r y i n g to w a s n ' t p la y in g the g a m e . t u c k e r t h a t th i n g o u t ? "

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14 RFD

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A REJECTION W h en I m e n t i o n e d to C h a r l e s on th e c o m m u n e on the h ill t h a t I d i d n 't w a n t to pay m o n e y f o r c a r r e p a i r s , he s n e e r e d at t h e n o tio n of b a r t e r i n g w ith m e . W h a t d id I h a v e t h a t t h e y n e e d e d , th e ir model organic garden, their b o u n d l e s s s k il l a n d e n e r g y f o r b u i l d ing h o u s e s , a n d a ll t h e i r w a y s of m a k ing m o n e y ? I s p a t t e r e d a r o u n d and c o u l d o nly c o m e u p w ith " a s e n s e of d e s i g n " . W h ic h fell u n n o t i c e d in the b u s t l e . I r e s e n t e d th e c o n f i d e n t m a s c u l i n i t y w h ic h s e t th e t o n e t h e r e . A t t h e p u p p e t t h e a t e r f a r m , p eo p le w a i v e d t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y fo r s e l f a w a re d e ss and sexual honesty for a c h ild -a p p re n tic e status under P e te r 's p a t r i a r c h y . I w a n t e d to m a k e f r i e n d s t h e r e , to s h a r e m u s i c , m a s k - m a k i n g , s e x and v i s i o n s . M o s t l y , th e p u p p e t e e r s w e r e c o m m i t t e d to s o m e o t h e r p r o c e s s , w h ic h lo o k e d p ain fu lly lik e som ew here else. W here m ale abuses fem ale, w h ere fem ale subm its, w here the M a n c a l l s t h e s h o t s , w h e r e o n e 's e n e r g y is paid in at th e p r i c e of self-denial. T h e few fa g g o ts I knew w e r e as u n s e t t l e d as I. It w a s h a r d fo r u s to s u p p o r t e a c h o t h e r w h e n all a r o u n d us p e o ple w e r e liv in g s t r a i g h t l i v e s in h ip p ie c l o t h i n g . T h e e n d l e s s d i s c u s s i o n of , g a r d e n s , h o u s e b u ild in g , th e food coop, a n d gettin g r e a d y fo r t h e w i n t e r d r o w n e d out m y v io lin p la y in g and s i n g i n g . W h e r e t h e n e e d s of t h e so u l w e r e so often m e t w i th a c la w h a m m e r o r a chain saw, I b e c a m e a defiant g r a s s h o p p e r to s u c h a n t - n e s s . W h ic h w a s n o t at all w h a t I h a d s e t o u t to du. 1 h a d w a n t e d to m a k e t o y s , s e t u p a printing p re s s , dry flow ers for C h r i s t m a s w r e a t h s , an d find o t h e r s to play m u s i c w ith . B u t fo r m e t h a t r e q u i r e d t h e f r e e d o m to e x p l o r e the d r a w i n g s t o w a r d s a n d m o v i n g s aw ay a m o n g us, to find both e m o t i o n a l e q u i l i b r i u m an d a s e n s e of a c c o u n t a b i l i t y . To lov e, be l o v e d T h e r e w e r e s e v e r a l w o m e n w ho w e r e w i ll i n g to p a u s e w h e n I w a s d e p r e s s e d , an d who w o u ld o c c a s i o n a l l y s h a r e t h e i r joy a n d pain w i th m e . But I got i m p a t i e n t of th e c o m p r o m i s i n g

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r e l a t i o n s h i p s th e y s u s t a i n e d v/ith the s a m e s t r a i g h t m e n w h o g av e m e s u c h pain. "How to R u n a M o d e l F a r m on Human Pow er! ! Com plete in s tru c t i o n s in th e n e x t i s s u e of M E N . . . . H i t c h a r m A to s t r a p 4, h o o k k n e e X to s h a f t 2, p la c e foot 1 on t r e a d m i l l , i n s e r t c o c k into s o c k e t , c l a m p b it in teeth, e t c ." So I le ft V e r m o n t an d m o v e d to s o u t h e r n O r e g o n . O u r f a r m is s e v e r a l m i l e s out of tow n, w h i c h m e a n s I ' m not in c o n t a c t w i th s t r a i g h t m e n s o m u c h . T h e hot d r y s u m m e r an d m u d d y t e m p e r a t e w i n t e r d o n 't e n c o u r a g e s u c h a m b i t i o n a s in P l a i n f i e l d . M o s t l y , a s o r t of s e e d y a n a r c h y r e i g n s . V o ln e y , t h e old f a r m e r I know down on F r o n t a g e R o a d (w h o s e w ife A r l e n e in v i t e d C a r l an d m e to h e r T u p p e r w a r e p a r t y l a s t fall) p la n t s g r o u n d c h e r r i e s an d s p a g h e t t i s q u a s h a n d z i n n i a s w ith the c o r n an d b e a n s in h is r a m b l i n g g a r d e n . T h e V e r m o n t tow n m e e t i n g g iv e s w a y to t h o s e o c c a s i o n a l d a y s w h e n you h a p pen to be in to w n an d n o ti c e t h e V O T E H E R E s ig n o u t s i d e th e C o m m u n i t y C e n t e r . " V O T E H E R E It Is Y o u r Duty A s A n A m e r i c a n C i t i z e n To V o te , R IG H T OR W R O N G " It d o e s n ' t m uch m a tte r , right or w rong, since W o lf C r e e k is r u l e d f r o m G r a n t ' s P a s s by t h e C o u n ty C o m m i s s i o n e r s . T h e d i s o r d e r h e r e is m o r e a c c e s s i b l e . P e o p l e f r e a k out in pu blic. Y e s t e r d a y I s p e n t w ith N e lly , F r a n , an d P a t t y , l e s b i a n s f r o m th e n e x t f a r m , w ho a r e s t r u g g l i n g w ith a new c o n f i g u r a t i o n of l o v e r s an d n e e d e d a r e l a t i v e l y o b j e c t i v e f o u r t h to m e d i a t e . P e o p l e t a l k a b o u t o c c u l t t h i n g s , an d c e l e b r a t e t h e full m o o n . A t t h e c o l l e g e in P l a i n f i e l d t h e r e w a s a f e m i n i s t s t u d i e s p r o g r a m . In W o lf C r e e k th e w o m e n h a v e b ig f e s t i v a l s w i th m u c h d a n c i n g a n d m u s i c . A ll w h ic h h a s a l l o w e d m e new f r e e d o m to b e m y s e l f , w i th C a r l an d w i th o u r c o m m u n i t y of f r i e n d s . T h e r e a r e t i m e s w h en a c e r t a i n W i l d - W e s t m e n t a l i t y is a b r o a d . G u n w a v i n g l o c a l s s q u a r e off w i th th e h i p p i e s . A b r a w l a t t h e f r e a k - r u n Inn

b rin g s down th e p ig s. A nd then w e, th e gay g h etto , g et s c a r e d by how red o f n e c k p eo p le around us ca n b e, l o c a l and h ip p ie b oth . A nd th e r e a r e s e t - t o 's w ith th e J eh o v a h 's W it n e s s e s , w ho c a m e by la s t w e e k w ith a tr a c t on h o m o sex u a lity s p e c ia l for u s . In a w a y , W olf C r e e k s e e m s o u t s id e th e p a le o f M E N . T h e r e a re a few fr e a k s w ho h u stle to c o r n e r the sp r in g m a n u re su p p ly , and a r e a l w a y s rea d y w ith unw anted a d v ic e , but m u st p eop le a r e g lad for food sta m p s and th e sw im m in g h o le . W hat w o r r ie s m e about W olf C reek and M EN (and, w ith m o d ifica tio n , P la in field ) is th e p o ten tia l a llia n c e of ru ra l o ld tim e r s and n e w c o m e r s un der the b a n n e r o f O rder,. W olf C reek s e e m s o f ten on th e ed ge o f so m eb o d y o r so m e n u m b er o f p eop le "taking th in g s into th e ir ow n han d s" . In the b ar at the W olf C r e e k Inn it's not c le a r w h ere th e k n ife -to tin g lo g g e r s sto p and th e k n ife -to tin g h ip p ie3 b eg in . O ne tough honcho lo o k s p retty m uch lik e an oth er to th is fa g g o t. A s th e str a ig h t m en in tow n d is c o v e r th at th eir d iffe r e n c e s a r e n 't s o g r e a t, w h e r e w ill th e h o s t il ity b e tr a n s fe r r e d ? T o w o m en , for *

s u r e , a n d p r o b a b ly to th e g r o w in g gay p r e s e n c e . In P l a i n f i e ld wha" m a y h a p pen is an i n c r e a s i n g te n d e n c y a m o n g o n c e - r a d i c a l f r e a k s to c o m p r o m i s e f u r t h e r an d f o r g e t t h e i r l i b e r t a r i a n c o n v ic t i o n s in the i n t e r e s t of c r e a t i n g i n s t i t u t i o n s th a t s e r v e c o n s e r v a t i v e l o c a l s . W h ich w ill put th e pinch ev en h a r d e r on q u e e r s , S t e w a r t ' s Letter s p o k e of jo y s , f e a r s , i s o l a t i o n , rind b u ild in g c o m m u n ;ty a m ong b ro th e rs and s is te r s . The re plv' f r o m M E N and a r e a d i n g of r e c e n t i s s u e s b e s p e a k s a c o m m i t m e n t to e f fic ie n c y , s e l f - s u f f i c i e n c y , an d i n t o l e r a n c e . L i s t e n to t h e v o i c e s of M E N 'S "v o u ng , hip, o p e n - m i n d e d " r e a d e r s in r e c e n t P?.f> l i s t i n g s : " I'd like to find s o m e f e m a l e s i n t e r e s t e d in d ev elo p in g a f a m ily unit (as c o - w i v e s ) . . . I ' m a m a l e . (31) into T M " . . . . "h o p e to h e a r f r o m u n a t t a c h e d l a d ie s . who w o u ld lik„e to b e g in to put into p r a c t i c e s o m e o f th e th in g s w e 'v e b e e n l e a r n i n g f r o m M o t h e r " . . . . " a C a n c e r lady (21) w ith a b e a u tifu l lov e lik e y o u r s in h e r h e a r t ( g r o w in g e v e r y day) n e e d s a w a r m o r w e s t e r l y p la c e to r e s i d e in J u n e " . . . . " M ik e w o u ld like to h e a r f r o m e a r t h y c h i c k s i n t e r e s t e d in living the good

RFD 17

REJ £ C l if e " . . . " A b s o l u t e l y no d r u g o r le g a l h a s s l e s t o l e r a t e d " . . . . " w e ' r e into c l e a n l iv i n g " . . . . " p l e a s e d o n 't r e p l y if y o u ' r e into a l c o h o l o r d r u g s o r a r e a fan atic of any k in d " . . . , " t h is big old f a r m w o u ld b l o o m u n d e r a w o m a n ' s touch". . . . "John and M ary. . .w e 're h a r d w o r k i n g , h o n e s t s t r a i g h t p e o p le " . . . . "a n y A m e r i c a n Indian g a ls a r o u n d ? With young, hip, o p e n - m i n d e d c o r r e s p o n d e n t s like t h a t, w ho n e e d s " l i t t l e old l a d i e s in te n n i s s h o e s " ? (A p h r a s e w h ic h l e a d s o n e to w o n d e r w h a t th e good folks a t M o t h e r c a l l " g a y p e o p le " off th e c u f f .) M an y of the a r t i c l e s r e f l e c t th e s a m e b e n ig h t e d c o n s c i o u s n e s s . "W h ile the guys d e b a t e d >n the b e s t t r e e s , N a o m i a n d I h u n ted w ild p la n ts fo r s u p p e r . " " E a c h f e m a l e m e m b e r (of this m o d e l u to p ia n s u p e r - f a m i l y ) w ill h a v e on e c h i ld an d th e n u n d e r g o v o lu n t a r y s t e r i l i z a t i o n . " "You c a n m a k e enough to buy a s h a w l for y o u r old lady. " H o m o s e x u a l i t y is a t h r e a t to su ch p r e s c r i b e d t h i n k ing a n d living. A l s o , the i r r e p r e s s a b l e m a t e r i a l i s m of M E N ' s a r t i c l e s is d i s s o n a n t w ith the c o m m i t m e n t to s i m p l i f y an d c o o p e r a t e th a t I and m y gay f r i e n d s h av e h e r e . "You can ev en t u r n a tidy p r o f i t" . . . . " a n d o n c e you^ve s e t t l e d into y o u r new e m p l o y m e n t (life s ty l e ) . . . . " H e r e ' s a fellow who h a s " f r e e d h i m s e l f f r o m the s y s t e m " an d now l iv e s a s he l ik e s " r u n n i n g h is own s t o r e , w h ic h h a s paid for i t s e l f five t i m e s o v e r in the l a s t y e a r , an d now owns an in v e n t o r y w o r t h $15, 003. " W h ic h m a k e s h im "the t h i r d l a r g e s t r e t a i l d e p o s i t o r in.the lo c a l b a n k " an d he now liv e s the "Good L i f e " w ith his w i fe J o y c e on a n e a r b y 190 a c r e f a r m w h e r e t h e y ' r e 75% s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t ( " w e do e v e r y t h i n g by M O T H E R " ) . " B e f o r e J a y ' s Navy h it c h w a s up. the dog had p r o d u c e d l i t t e r s w o r t h o v e r $<i, OQ0. "an u n f o r g e t t a b l e w ay to e a r n m o n e y . " What e c o l o g i c a l s y s t e m e n c o u r a g e s e x p e n s i v e p ets ? Sin ce w hen a r e you f r e e f r o m the s y s t e m by c a l l i n g the s h e r i f f on s h o p l i f t e r s w h ile you

18 R FD

flau n t the t h i r d l a r g e s t r e t a i l w a d in th e l o c a l b a n k ? "'I j u s t w a n t e d to m a k e a l i t t l e m o n e y , ' Denny s a y s , 'b u t I ' m g e ttin g r i c h . S u c c e s s is th e w o r d in M E N . E a c h a r t i c l e b o u n c e s alo n g f r o m s t a r t to f in is h w ith o u t a f a l s e s t e p . If y o u ' r e not m a k i n g m o n e y , th e n y o u r s q u a s h w e ig h in a t 50 l b s . ( " a n d m a t u r e b r o c c o li b i g g e r th a n y o u r own h e a d ! " ) , y o u 'v e c o n v e r t e d y o u r c a r to p r o p a n e 'a n d y o u ' r e c u t ti n g t w i c e the w o o d in h a l f th e t i m e . E x c e p t f o r a n g r y l e t te rs about so m e fool-proof technique t h a t d i d n 't w o r k , the M E N f a r m is a t i m e - a n d - m o t i o n d r e a m . A s a faggot, I find o u r f a r m a d if fic u lt p l a c e f o r u n ta n g l in g y e a r s of c o n d it i o n i n g a b o ut w o r k , c o m p e t i t i o n an d s u c c e s s . M o s t of t h e M E N a r t i c l e s I r e a d m a k e m e feel i n a d e q u a t e . W hy a r e n ' t I c u t ti n g t w i c e the w o o d in h a l f the t i m e ? B e c a u s e th e c h a i n s a w d o e s n ' t w o r k , a f t e r s e v e r a l b u tc h f r e a k s a s s u r e d C a r l t h a t it w a s a good buy. A n d t h e r e ' s no d e a l e r a r o u n d who se rv ic e s that m ake. And C a rl c rie d w hen I a s k e d w h a t w a s so d iffic u lt a b o u t g e ttin g in th e w o o d . A n d I h a t e t h e s h a t t e r i n g r o a r of c h a i n s a w s an d I h a t e b e in g up in the h ills w h e r e th e l o g g e r s h a v e g u tte d the f o r e s t . T h e r e a r e so m a n y w a y s of s u r v i v i n g I w a n t to find w o r k t h a t b o th h a s i n t r i n s i c m e a n i n g an d is c o n s o n a n t w ith o u r gay c o m m u n a l v i s i o n . M E N m a y " T e l l you how (s ix t i m e s a y e a r ) " if you a r e h a r d w o r k i n g , h o n e s t , s t r a i g h t p e o p le w ho s e e t h e r e t u r n to th e la n d a s a r e t u r n to o p p r e s s i v e , tu-aditional A m e r i c a n v a l u e s . B u t fo r fag g o ts , it is a lie . C l e a r l y , th e folks at M E N a r e w o r rie d about losing s u b s c r ib e r s fro m p r i n t i n g gay n o t i c e s . A r e a d e r s h i p t h a t d e p e n d s upon, o r t o l e r a t e s , t h e e x c l u s i o n of gay peo p le, b l a c k s (I c a n ' t r e c a l l in fo u r y e a r s of c a s u a l r e a d i n g , s e e i n g a b l a c k f a c e in M E N ), an d f e m i n i s t s , is not the r u r a l c o m m u n i ty I a m lo o k in g fo r. H o p efu lly m a g a z i n e s s u c h as C o u n t r y W o m e n an d R . F . D . #w i ll s e r v e t h e f e m i n i s t s a n d gay p e o p le who a r e s ti l l th u m b in g through MEN, w ondering w h ere e v e r y body i s .

along T h e l e n t i l s an d m i l l e t got c o o k e d in t h e m o r n i n g a l o n g w ith the b r e a k f a s t g r a i n s . T h e o v en t a k e s a w h il e to h e a t up w i th o u r w o o d b u r n i n g s to v e an d a lot d e p e n d s on how t h e f i r e is t e n d e d . I s t i l l h a v e n ’t b e e n a b l e to c o n s i s t e n t l y get a 350 o v e n , but f o r l e n ti l l o a v e s it d o e s n ' t n e e d b e v e r y hot o r c o n s i s t e n t . I s t a r t e d w i th a b u n c h >f r e c i p e s a n d now find th e l o a v e s s t i c k t o g e t h e r p r e t ty w e ll no m a t t e r w h a t I put in t h e m . We had a lot of m i l l e t a n d s o m e l e n t i l s so 1 c o o k e d t h e m t o g e t h e r in a r a t i o of a b o u t two p a r t s w a t e r to one p a r t g r a i n a n d l e g u m e . M o r e h o t w a t e r w a s a d d e d t o w a r d th e en d to c o o k it a l i t t l e l o n g e r . T o a s t e d s e s a m e s e e d s d o ne in a d r y c a s t ir o n s k i l l e t w e r e g r o u n d . (I t 's i m p o r t a n t to c h ew t h e m a l l a n d t h e y a r e n e e d e d to m a k e a c o m p l e t e p r o t e i n . ) O n i o n s , g a r l i c , and c e l e r y w e r e c h o p p e d . I like to u s e g r a t e d l e m o n rin d , but I f o r g o t ab o u t the on e I j u i c e d t h e day b e f o r e t h a t w a s s t i l l in t h e c o m p o s t b u c k e t . M o l a s s e s and v i n e g a r c a n m a k e it s w e e t a n d s o u r . B r e w e r ' s y e a s t d i s a p p e a r s in b ak in g a s f a r a s t a s t e th o u g h d e c r e a s i n g n u t r i t i o n a l v a l u e r e m a i n s a q u e s t i o n in my m i n d . T h e r e w a s s o m e s o u r e d m i l k , so t h a t w a s a d d e d a l o n g with the oil, m a k i n g it m u s h y w h en m i x e d w e l l . W h a t e v e r s e a s o n i n g yo u lik e s e e m s o k - c a y e n n e f o r zip, so y s a u c e , W o r c h e s t e r s h i r e s a u c e ( i t 's not v e g e t a r i a n ) , m a r j o r a m , s w e e t b a s i l , on an d o n . S p r i n k l e s e s a m e s e e d s in t h e oily loaf p a n s . T h e o v e n got up to 250, so I put t h e m in an d two to f o u r h o u r s l a t e r s o m e o n e e l s e t o o k t h e m o u t to c o o l . T h e y w e r e n ic e an d c r i s p y . T h e c i r c u l a r on e w a s f i ll e d w ith c o t t a g e c h e e s e (y o g u r t is good too) and g a r n i s h e d w ith lo ts of f r e s h p a r s l e y . Got lo ts of c o m p l i m e n t s . T h a n k s . . . . I lo v e you a l l . B oyd

Gaming Hone

C o m i n g b a c k to the f a r m a f t e r o u r t r i p e a s t h a s b e e n h a r d e r f o r m e th a n I h a d f o r e s e e n . M y m o o d s s h ift q u i c k ly. T h r e e h o u r s ag o I fe lt m o r e d i s c o u r a g e d an d a i m l e s s th a n in m a n y m o o n s . O u r v i s i t s to V e r m o n t , New Y o r k City a n d Io w a h a d a l r e a d y h e i g h t e n e d m y a w a r e n e s s of th e p r o b l e m s of life h e r e . A n d a h o s t of o t h e r p r o b l e m s a w a i t e d out r e t u r n . In P l a i n f i e l d , Vt. , w h e r e A l la n u s e d to l iv e . T h e r e a r e so m a n y p e o ple w ho s e e m to s h a r e s o m e of m y sen sib ilitie s. M ostly dance and m u s i c . If only I c o u ld t e a c h m y c o u n t r y d a n c i n g w i th e n o u gh s e r i o u s stu d e n ts . A n d b e a b l e to do p a r t s in g i n g , w ith o u t h a v in g to b la z e a t r a i l in th e p r o c e s s . T h e d a n c i n g h e r e is , of c o u r s e , i n im itable. I'm s u r e now here else has th e b a t t l e a g a i n s t s e x i s m e m e r g e d s o v i c t o r i o u s - -w e e x p e c t to b e e x c o m m u n i c a t e d by the s t a n d a r d - b e a r e r s of c o u n t r y d a n c i n g in S c o tla n d .

C arl W ittm an

A n d the d a n c i n g h a s b e e n r e s t o r e d to its o r i g i n a l s o c i a l fu n ctio n - - s h a r i n g fun, l o v e , c h i l d l i k e j o y w ith n e i g h b o r s . B u t w i ll w e e v e r c o m b i n e all t h e s e q u a l i t i e s w ith t h e jo y s of p r e cision, technique, and p ro g re ssiv e ly m o re dem anding m a te ria l? A n d a s f o r t h e e f f o r t l a s t w i n t e r to s ta r t a c h o ra l g ro u p --th e re just a re not e n o u gh w i l l i n g - a n d - a b l e v o ic e s to get it off th'e g r o u n d , a t l e a s t not y et. In New Y o r k w e w e r e e n c h a n t e d w ith C h a r l e s L u d i a m an d the R i d i c u lo u s T h e a t r i c a l C o m p a n y , doing Ca m ille . I cannot recall a m ore d i r e c t t h e a t r i c a l e x p e r i e n c e - - n o t h a v in g to t r a n s l a t e s t r a i g h t t h e a t e r into my gay t e r m s . Its s e x u a l i t y , its p o l i t i c s , its h u m o r , its p ath o s w e r e all so t o t a lly a c c e s s i b l e . Its g e n i u s , of c o u r s e , is l a r g e l y a t t r i b u t a b l e to th e i n d i v i d u a ls w h o m a k e up t h e c o m p a n y . B u t the c r e a t i o n of s u c h a p h e n o m e n o n

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c o u ld not h a p p e n h e r e . T h e o p p o r t u n i t i e s to inv o lv e o n e s e l f in any c r e a t i v e e x p r e s s i o n is so l i m i t e d h e r e . E v e n big c i t i e s c a n b a r e l y s u p p o r t t h e i r a r t i s t s ; funky J o s e p h i n e C o u n ty , r e d n e c k O r e g o n , h a r d l y h a s a n y to s u p p o r t , a n d w o n 't w h e n the y a p p e a r in l a r g e en o u gh n u m b e r s to a s p i r e t o . M u s t th e a r t i s t l e a v e ? A n d f o r m y s e l f , no t an a r t i s t by t r a d e , w h e r e does the tim e and energy co m e from , b e t w e e n i r r i g a t i n g t h e o r c h a r d and fixing th e p i c k - u p t r u c k ? C a m i l l e ' s audience was predom inantly g a y -t h e r e a r e not en o u g h op en h o m o s e x u a l s in J o s e p h i n e C o u n ty to fill a s i n gle row in th e tiny E v e r g r e e n t h e a t e r fo r one n ig h t. I r e a l i z e t h a t gay m e n in the c ity a r e d e p r i v e d of m u c h of w h a t w e h a v e h e r e an d c h e r i s h - - t h e b a n a l but i m p o r t a n t c l e a n a i r , the f r e s h food. A nd m o r e p a r t i c u l a r l y as a h o m o s e x u a l , the s p a c e and t i m e to p u r s u e a r e l a tiv e l y o p e n an d h o n e s t l o v in g r e l a t i o n s h i p - - w i t h o u t th e c o n s t a n t l y d e s t r u c t iv e a n d d i s t r a c t i n g c ity p h e n o m e n a : s e x i s t a d v e r t i s i n g , f e a r of v i o l e n c e , i n t r i c a t e s e x u a l g a m e s . A l la n o b s e r v e d th a t city f r i e n d s he v i s i t e d r e c e n t l y will n e v e r a f f o r d t h e m s e l v e s the q u iet to enjoy the new r e c o r d i n g of M e s s i a h w h ic h b r i n g s us s u c h joy. A n d m o r e . I know m o s t of th e p e o p le in m y daily life h e r e w e ll en o u g h to s a y " I ' m fe e l i n g . . . " o f " Y o u h u r t m e w h e n . . . " o r "I l ik e y o u " - - a n d e x - * p e c t to be u n d e r s t o o d . W h a t w o u ld h a p p e n i n s i d e m e as a r e s u l t of t h e m y r i a d i n c id e n t s in d a ily life w h e n I w o u l d n 't know t h e o t h e r p e r s o n w e ll en o u g h to t a l k o p e n l y ? U l c e r s , t o b a c co, a l c o l h o l , t h e r a p y , c o ffe e , u p p e r s , a n d d o w n e r s ? M in d you, t h e r e a r e p r o b l e m s in c o m m u n i c a t i o n h e r e too; but I do feel that t h e r e is an h o n e s t b e g in n in g of t h e r a p e u t i c c o m m u n i t y , and my d e f e n s e s a r e s lo w ly d is s o l v i n g . But b a c k to o u r t r i p . L e a v i n g New Y o r k and gay t h e a t e r an d all th e m o v i e s an d c o n c e r t s and m u s e u m s - - y e s , even th e gay c r u i s i n g e s t a b l i s h m e n t s ( a l tho u g h the g l i t t e r of it all g e n e r a l l y r e c e d e s as I g et c l o s e r to i t - - a n d the se a m y desp eratio n becom es magnified. A n d I a m g r a t e f u l th a t d aily life h e r e

20 RFD

d o e s no t f o r c e m e to d e a l w i th my v a r ious c o n t r a d i c t o r y s t a n c e s ab o u t c r u i s in g a n d a n o n y m o u s s e x ). T h e t h i r d p l a c e on o u r t r i p t h a t m a d e h o m e c o m i n g h a r d w as o u r v i s i t w ith S t e w a r t a n d R i c k an d Don in Iow a. B e ing w ith e v e n a h an d fu l of o t h e r gay m e n who w a n t to l iv e in t h e c o u n t r y w a s good. A n d c o n s p i r i n g to put out t h i s i s s u e of R . F . D . v e r y e x c i t in g . It h a s b e c o m e a c l i c h e a m o n g u s : w o u l d n 't it be fine if t h e r e w e r e m o r e gay m e n s h a r ing o u r l i v e s ? C o m i n g h o m e m a d e t h a t a l l s o r e a l , so p ain fu lly t r u e . O u r c l o s e s t f r i e n d s an d n e i g h b o r s a r e L e s b i a n s - - l a s t n ig h t a t folk d a n c i n g t h e r e w e r e t h i r t e e n w o m e n and t h r e e m e n . A m o n g t h o s e w o m e n a r e a few w h o s e f r i e n d s h i p I v a l u e s e c o n d only to A l l a n 's . Bu t I envy th e s i s t e r h o o d th e y s h a r e , t h e w o m e n ' s f e s t i v a l s they o r g a n i z e , the b o n d s th e y h a v e w ith gay s i s t e r s in the c i t i e s , a n d b i s e x u a l and s t r a i g h t w o m e n h e r e in W olf C r e e k . A n d th e n o u r r e t u r n i t s e l f - - N e l l i e an d E la y n e w e r e to h a v e s t a y e d at th e h o u s e , a n d k e p t u p w i th t h e c h o r e s . A few l e t t e r s f r o m t h e m h a d i n t i m a t e d of d if f ic u l t ie s in o u r a b s e n c e . B u t h o pe s p r i n g s e t e r n a l , an d I h a d h a d v i s i o n s of o u r m a n d a l a - s h a p e d v e g e t a b l e an d flower garden flourishing, the o rc h a rd w a t e r e d , an d a h ap p y w a r m w e l c o m e . A p a r c h e d g a r d e n , th e b ig c a b b a g e leaves shriveled, pepper/plants dead, s c o r e s of p a t c h e s s t u n t e d by d r o u g h t . Y e s , m a n y v e g e t a b l e s - s t i l l t h e r e , but th e d i s p a r i t y b e t w e e n J u n e d r e a m an d A u g u s t r e a l i t y too m u c h to f a t h o m r i g h t then. O u t of a n o t h e r w i s e d e s e r t e d h o u s e s t u m b l e d D avid, son of o u r n e i g h b o r Ruth, m u m b l i n g s o m e t h i n g a b o u t n o w h e r e e l s e t h a t he co u ld go, an d t h e r e not b e in g e n o u gh w a t e r . A n i n t r a n s i g ently c l o g g e d s in k d r a i n , a b a n d o n e d in f r u s t r a t i o n , m a d e t h e k it c h e n n e a r ly u n u s a b l e . T h e o r c h a r d w a t e r i n g c h a r t i n d i c a t e d that only a f r a c t i o n of the t r e e s w e r e w a t e r e d . A d o z e n o r m o r e a p p le t r e e s s t r i p p e d to n e a r d e a t h by g r a s s h o p p e r s , t h e i r p r o t e c tiv e n e t s u n m e n d e d . A n d o u r o u td o o r b ed , th e on e i m m e d i a t e e s c a p e f r o m it all, c h e e r f u l l y o c c u p i e d by R u th and J ean.

th e f i r s t p e r s o n to c o m e by. She o f f e r ed m u c h e v i d e n c e to p r o v e t h a t the d a m a g e w a s u n a v o i d a b l e , t h a t they h ad t r i e d v e r y h a r d . I m a n a g e d to e x p la in why it h u r t so m u c h . B e t w e e n t e a r s , I r e a l i z e d that th e w a t e r s y s t e m is o v e r e x t e n d e d , th a t j _ a r a o v e r e x t e n d e d . M y pain c o m e s f r o m not w a n t in g a life of fixing d r a i n s an d k illin g g r a s s h o p p e r s , p a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n th e p r o j e c t s a r e all to ta l l y d e p e n d e n t on m y c o n s t a n t p r e s e n c e , and th e y d e m a n d all of m y t i m e . A n d yet I a m n o t w i ll i n g to s e e t h e m p e r i s h . T h e a n g e r t u r n e d i n s id e n e x t. I felt f o o li s h , s e l f - d e c e i v e d , to h a v e tho u g h t t h a t a ll w o u ld h a v e gone w e l l. T h e c o m m u n i t y th a t I h a d t a l k e d so glo wingly ab o u t on o u r t r i p east was far thinner, m o re tenuous, t h a n I h a d c o n v in c e d m y s e l f of b e l i e v ing. T he l a s t few d a y s h a v e b e e n m a r k e d by w o r k s p u r t s - - t h e o r c h a r d is all w a t e r e d a g a i n , t h e g a r d e n I 'v e i g n o re d a f t e r a f i v e - h o u r s o a k in g ; th e h o u s e is \ ag a in c l e a n , th e s i n k d r a i n fix ed . N e i g h b o r s o f f e r us v e g e t a b l e s , enough M y f i r s t r e a c t i o n is g r i e f . M y ego to put up. A n d I a m b a c k to b u ild in g is d efin e d so h e a v i ly by o r c h a r d an d th e new h o u s e , 1rtt>w n e a r i n g c o m p l e g a r d e n . W hy a m I h e r e ? W h a t 's tion. the u s e ? B u t often I a m g lu m , o c c a s i o n a l l y A n d r i g h t on g r i e f 's h e e l s a r e a n g e r u n happy, often d i s o r i e n t e d . No e x t r a an d b i t t e r n e s s . W h e r e a r e N e l li e and e n e r g y to put into o t h e r p eo p le, no E l a y n e ? W h at m o c k e r y of c o m m u n i t y s c i n t i l l a t i n g d i s c u s s i o n s , I f o r e g o an is t h i s ? M y s e l f - r i g h t e o u s n e s s b l o s i m p o r t a n t c o m m u n i t y m e e t i n g on po lice s o m s , I find only fault. b r u t a l i t y , f o r f e a r of b e in g b u m m e d A n d as I lay in A l l a n 's a r m s , he out. I h a v e lo ts of h o s t i l i t y f o r a n y o ne t a l k e d to m e s lo w ly and c a l m l y . My who p la ys a r e c o r d I d o n 't lik e, o r i n s t o m a c h too t e n s e to eat, I a m e v e >-> t e r r u p t s m y q u ie t , o r in f r in g e s on m y too k n o tte d to c r y . I s e e , y e s , th a t it t e r r i t o r y . I th in k ab o u t S t e v e n s , how is u n r e a s o n a b l e to, e x p e c t an y o n e e l s e the f r u s t r a t i o n s of life h e r e m a d e h i m to c a r e a s m u c h as I do about m y own l e a v e ; th e d r o u g h t s an d t h e r a in S , the p r o j e c t s . M y v is io n , o r v i s i o n s , a r e a b s e n c e of " c u l t u r e " , the d i s t a n c e m o r e e l a b o r a t e th a n th e y know, N e l lie l iv e s on the e d g e of c r i s i s up on the f r o m gay b r o t h e r s . I r e a l i z e how h a r d it is fo r A l la n , w ho w a s n ' t ev en h e r e h i l l s i d e ; and E l a y n e n e v e r p r e t e n d e d w hen I c o m m i t t e d m y e n e r g i e s to the t h a t s h e w o u ld liv e h e r e f o r e v e r . So o r d h a r d an d new h o u s e , b u t w ho h a s to w h e r e is the t e c h n o lo g y o r i n t e r e s t in l iv e w ith t h e i r r e a l i t i e s . I w eig h maintaining our Byzantine irrigation w h e t h e r I w a n t to liv e h e r e at a l l . an d p lu m b in g s y s t e m to c o m e f r o m ? B u t th e r o o t s a r e d eep , and none of I d r i f t e d off to s le e p , even t e n s e r w ith m y d i s i l l u s i o n m e n t c a n d e s p o il the the r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t I s h o u l d n ’t b l a m e v e r y r e a l b e g in n in g s of a good life we t h e m , o r h o ld t h e m r e s p o n s i b l e . h a v e p ainfully and joy fu lly a s s e m b l e d . T h e m o r n i n g b r o u g h t th e f i r s t c o n f r o n t a ti o n , w ith J e a n . Not e v e n a p r i n So I s a y now, in a q u ie t, c o n te n t m o o d - c i p a l in th e d r a m a , s h e h a p p e n e d to be w ill I fe e l t h a t w a y t o m o r r o w m o r n i n g ?

RFD 21

a letter from New Sodom

D e a r R. F . D. , W e a r e , of c o u r s e , d e f i n i t e ly i n t e r e s t e d in r e c e i v i n g th e m agazine. A m ong our many d r e a m s for the future r e v o lv ing a r o u n d o u r land, w e a l s o t h o u g h t of s t a r t i n g up a m a g zine for ru ra l gays. A t t h i s point, h o w e v e r , w e w ill h a v e to be p r e t t y m u c h on t h e r e c e i v i n g en d of t h i n g s . A r t h u r b ro u g h t h is l i t t le old t y p e w r i t e r w ith h i m , but s o a f a r it h a s go tten no a c tio n o t h e r tha n to b e m o v e d f r o m s u p p l y ten t to a n o t h e r (to a v o i d d ro w n i n g ). W e ' v e b e e n out h e r e on the l a n d (w hich w e h a v e fondly n a m e d "New S o d o m " ) s i n c e J u n e 10th. New So d o m is 40 a c re s of overgrow n, u n c h a rt ed c e d a r , pin e, b ir c h , t a m a r a c k j u n g l e a n d it to o k us t h r e e w e e k s j u s t to m a k e o u r w a y in an d c l e a r ou t e n o u g h ro o m for our th ree tents. A d j u s t i n g to t h i s new l i f e s t y l e h a s b e e n d if fic u lt and, of c o u r s e , d e m a n d i n g of all o u r t i m e a n d e n e r g y ( w e ' r e both fro m back E ast, A rth u r fro m York, Pa. , and m e fro m Brooklyn w h e re my contact w ith the w ild w a s l i m i t e d to h o u s e p l a n t s a n d g o ld fis h b o w ls) O u r p la ns f o r t h i s s u m m e r a r e p r e t t y m u c h w h a t w e a r e do in g n o w - - g e t t i n g to know t h e la n d , a n d b u ild in g a log too l s h e d w h i c h j u s t to d ay g a i n e d d e f i n it i o n (we put up th e s i l l s ) . W e 'l l be r e t u r n i n g to S e a t t l e in m i d - S e p t e m b e r an d w i n t e r in San F r a n c i s c o an d th e n r e t u r n to New S o d o m e a r l y n e x t c o n t ' d n e x t page 22 R F D

[i 'm s i t t in g in m y k i t c h e n t h in k in g a b o u t th e t r e e s thirty m iles away. [s ittin g in m y k it c h e n in th e h e a r t of i . c . | s i t t i n g in m y k i t c h e n s u r r o u n d e d by c o n c r e t e , s u r r o u n d e d by d e a d s u m m e r h e a t c o l l e c t e d in a r t i f i c i a l s t o n e . [the only t r e e s h e r e a r e t h o s e s k in n y , s i c k l y u rb an ren ew al grow ths put u p to m a k e e m p t y lo ts into p a r k s u n til th e y c a n t a l k s o m e o n e into b u ild in g m o re c e m e n t o v e r naked flesh. in t h e r e f r i g e r a t o r t h e r e a r e vegtables fr o m o u r garden, vegfcables f o r o u r s t o m a c h s . thirty m iles away, (n ex t to t h e t r e e s ) , w a x b e a n s g ro w , green beans grow, squash tom atoes o n io n s peppers corn radishes m ellon-life srow s.

forty five m in u tes at forty fiv e m i l e s per hour w e a r e n ' t h o m e y et. w e a r e s t i l l h e a d i n g t o w a r d s th e t r e e s and that ro o m w e w i ll m a k e w ith o u r h a n d s m a k e w ith o u r b o d i e s m a k e w ith o u r l o v e , make s o ftly on c r i c k e t s o n g s v io l e n t ly in t h u n d e r s t o r m w in d . w e w i ll s a v e m o s t of th e k itc h e n , ail that we can. t h e w r e c k e r w i ll h a v e t h e r e s t , not th e r e s t t h a t o n ly is in t h e c y c l e of m a n - l i f e ; l e t m e r e s t in his a r m s an d s e e o u r t r e e s g ro w blessing our heads. . . i w ill gen tly s t r o k e t h e i r feet, s in g i n g in t h e m o o n - light, "faggot-life m an-life w e w ill be life. th e t r e e s a r e only t h i r t y m i l e s f r o m the g h o s t of m y k i t c h e n . "

New S o d o m s u m m e r when our p rim a ry go al w i l l b e to build a c a b i n , I d o n 't e x p e c t w e'll be w i n t e r ing up h e r e fo r a few y e a r s y e t s i n c e w e ' r e up a t 36Of' ft. w ith j u s t a n o ld j e e p t r a i l f o r an a c c e s s r o u t e . I t 's r e a l l y s p e c t a c u l a r up h e r e j u s t now. T h a t ' s p r e t t y m u c h w h a t 's d o in g so f a r w-ith u s . W e ' r e b o th l o o k in g t o w a r d to tu n in g into th e c i r c u i t an d h e a r i n g a b o u t o t h e r Gay p e o p l e 's e x p e r i e n c e s in t h e c o u n t r y . We to o a r e v e r y i s o l a t e d f r o m o t h e r G a y s out h e r e altho u g h we h av e m a d e s o m e lucky c o n t a c t s by m a i l in W i s c o n s i n , M a s s a c h u s e t t s an d New M e x ic o . With love, Jay Schraeter & A rthur Evans or T he W eird S isters P a rtn e r s h ip ^ irvio the )mmur\2J rxxove.—

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This interview was p r o v id e d by GAYLY S P E A K ING, a w e e k l y p r o g r a m p r o d u c e d by t h e G ay R a d io C o l l e c t i v e of D e t r o i t an d a i r e d on W D E T - F M (101.9) on T h u r s d a y s at 11:30 p m . We t h a n k GAYLY S P E A K ING a n d Don M a g e r of the c o l l e c t i v e fo r t h e i r h e lp . G AYLY S P E A K IN G : We too k o u r r e c o r d e r to a s m a l l tow n n e a r L a n s i n g to t a lk w ith an e l d e r l y gay m a n w h o h a s liv e d t h e r e all his life . He p r e f e r r e d not to give his n a m e , but h e a g r e e d to s h a r e s o m e of his e x p e r i e n c e s w ith u s. W h at h a s it b e e n like, w e a s k e d , being gay for s o m a n y y e a r s in this l i t tle to w n ? W hat follows a r e s o m e of his r e m i n i s cences . O L D M A N: I h ad m o r e - I, oh, b e e n b e a t up fo r my b e l i e f s . I 'v e a l s o s t r u c k ou t in s o m e r e s p e c t s . My h o m e ’s b e e n r o b b e d m o r e th a n o n c e , I'v e b e e n b eat u p a c o u p le , t h r e e t i m e s . 1 found out l a t e r t h a t if a n y b o d y had t o u c h e d m e o r hit m e , at t h a t t i m e I c o u ld h a v e f l a t t e n e d t h e m out so t h e y 'd be s i x foot u n d e r w h ic h I s h o u l d 'v e done, but I ' m too good . h e a r t e d f o r t h a t. . . . Y eah , th e y too k m e out to the c o u n t r y . T h o u g h t t h e y ’d get s o m e m o n e y , b u t th e y d id n 't do it. T h en o n e c l a i m e d I w a s gay, an d t ' o t h e r s a i d 1 w a s n ' t and he c a l l e d m e a l l k in d s of n a m e s . O n e w a s t r y i n g to b e a t m e up. I fin ally m a n a g e d to get down on m y b a c k . He w a s 'b o u t o v e r

24 RFD

old farmer

m e a n d I b o o te d h i m p r e t t y good by k in d a r a i s i n ' up * an d I k in d a c a u g h t h i m in th e c r o t c h a l i t t l e bit and t h a t s to p p e d the w h o l e th in g a l i t t l e bit. Bu t I d id n 't hit h i m h a r d en o u gh . I s h o u l d 'v e hit h i m h a r d e r . I f c o u l d 'v e d o u b le d h i m up, bu t h e w a s j u s t too m u c h . T h e o t h e r p a r t y s a y s , "H uh, h e ' s not g a y . " T h e y k n ew w h a t to do. C o u r s e . I w a s s m a l l an d they t h o u g h t they w e r e g oin' to get a lo t of m o n e y , but they; d i d n 't get a c e n t . T h e y l e ft m e a l o n e . I had to w a l k b a c k 'b o u t five m i l e s , bu t I got b a c k . E v e r y t h i n g c o m e out all r i g h t . I w e r e n ' t e v e r b o t h e r e d by th a t j b u nc h a g a i n . B u t o t h e r s h a v e b o t h e r e d m e . I'v e h a d w ith in m y r e a c h m o s t all t i m e s e i t h e r a h a m m e r , o r a h a t c h e t , ; o r a p ie c e of s t e e l . W h e t h e r I c o u ld h a v e c l o b b e r e d ' e m . I w a s a f r a i d . I d i d n 't w a n t to kill an y b o d y , but I found out a f t e r a b o u t th e t h i r d o r f o u r t h t i m e t h a t I j h a d the r i g h t to. B u t I g u e s s th e good L o r d w a s b e h in d m e . E v e r y t h i n g w o r k e d out all r i g h t . T h a t ' s

the only th in g ! c a n f i g u r e . B e c a u s e He a l w a y s s e e m e d to s ta y m v hand. T h e th o u g h ts w e r e t h e r e . I w a n t e d to b ad enough, but He a l w a y s h e l d m y hand, an d I t h a n k H i m f o r it th a t I d o n 't h a v e t h e blo o d of an y b o d y on m y h a n d s . A nd I ' m a l w a y s s a d th a t anybody t h a t 's b een in p r i s o n h a s m o r e r i g h t s than anybody t h a t ' s gay. T h ey i g n o r e t h a t, b e c a u s e you a i n 't, w e ll, s o called "right". It is w r o n g to h a v e it in a c r i m i n a l c o d e b e c a u s e it is n a t u r a l . It is a n a t u r a l a c t . It is a n a t u r a l a c t . . . .A s I m a d e a s t a t e m e n t b e f o r e , if you go into the c o u n t r y s i d e , you w a t c h e d . You h av e s e e n c e r t a i n a n i m a l s p e r f o r m c e r t a i n a c t s that w a s n ’t a c c o r d i n g to H o y le , I'v e s e e n th e m . O f c o u r s e , so m a n y of us d o n ’t look at th in g s lik e t h a t. Bu t i t's the t r u t h , an d t h a t ' s the w ay w ith h u m a n . A n i m a l s , they d o n 't r e p r e s s t h e m s e l v e s , a n d w h a t is a h u m a n b e i n g ? N o thing m o r e than an a n i m a l . M o s t of ' e m a r e s i n g l e s t h a t c o m e out to s e e m e th a t I'v e known fo r a long w h il e . And they enjoy it as m uch as I do. M o s t of t h e m a r e m a r r i e d . T h e y a r e a f r a i d th a t t h e i r w i v e s w ill find out. T h e y h a v e to s l i p it in on the sly . In fact, I h ad one f r i e n d w h o 's p a s s e d aw ay now. I found h i m d ead . I found h i m u n c o n s c i o u s in h is own h o m e . He h a d a s t r o k e , b le d v e r y b ad ly i n t e r n a l l y He d i d n 't e v e n know t h a t I w a s gay a n d he w a s gay as all get out. You co u ld r e a d it all o v e r h i m , t h e w a y he s p o k e , his a c t i o n s and e v e r y t h i n g . W ell, I n e v e r , I w a s j u s t m y s e l f . I d id n 't do an y th in g e x t r a o r a n y th in g like th a t. I j u s t r a i s e d m y own g a r d e n , r a i s e d m y own stuff, k e p t u p w ith m y m u s i c . In fa c t, I gav e up m u s i c fo r 20 y e a r s ' c a u s e I c o u l d n 't s t a n d it to p lay. A nd t h e r e ' s a lot of t h e m t h a t d o n 't r e a l i z e it u n l e s s th e y a p p r o a c h and s a y "W ould j a ? ' I'd s a y , " S u r e , l e t 's go. I t 's up to you. I t 's up to you. D o n 't you e v e r c r o s s m e b e c a u s e you w ill pay an d pay d e a r l y . W h at e v e r you do, d o n 't e v e r c r o s s m e . " A nd t h e r e ' s a lot of t h e m , even y o u r church m e m b e rs, so -called C hristians

th a t a r e s u p p o s e d to b e p r a c t i c i n g the C h r i s t i a n r e l i g i o n that r e a d you out of th e life of y o u r c h u r c h . It do'esn't b o t h e r m e a n y , I ’m s till s t r o n g But s i n c e th e n i t 's b e e n o n e r o y a l b a ttle I g a in e d , y e s . I l o s t , y e s . I'v e been t h r o u g h h ell. It 's a living h ell. But I th in k I ’m w in n in g out. T h e only thing t h a t ’s k e p t m e going is my faith in the A ll M ig h ty It 's th e o n ly thin g I c a n s a y t h a t ' s kept m e going. T h is s p r i n g l w a s inv ited to a c h u r c h meetirfg. I w en t. O n e p a r t y (I only knew' 'bout two p a r t i e s t h e r e ) o n e of the p a r t i e s ' h u s b a n d s I'd b een out; w ith . A n d one th in g led to a n o t h e r . T hey had a r e c o r d e r an d t h e y 'd play th is an d t h e y 'd a s k a q u e s ti o n . O f c o u r s e , m e , 1 c o u l d n 't k e e p m y m o u th s h u t. 1 c o m e b a c k . I m a d e s o m e of t h e m m a d d e r th a n a h o r n e t a t m e , but I ' m not. s ad . Yet, a f t e r w a r d s , o t h e r s a s k e d m e abo.il my faith and I'd e x p la in it a l ittle f u r t h e r . T h e y s a i d , "Wow! W i s h e d we had that faith. " I s a i d , " I t 's e a s y . " T h ey c o u l d n 't f a c e it. W ell, I a l w a y s say lik e t h i s , I'v e been c u s s e d , I'v e b een d i s c u s s e d , I've b e e n d a m n e d , and I'v e b een p r a i s e d . But I a lw a y s look at t h e m - - t h o s e that; c u s s m e , d i s c u s s m e , m e m b e r s of the c j i u r c h e s - -an d s a y that I c a n m e e t my M a k e r w ith a c l e a r c o n s c i e n c e , h a v e no q u a l m s , b e c a u s e of that faith. I fe e l He put m e h e r e fo r th a t r e a s o n an d it all r e v e r t s b a c k to on e old v e r s e of the O ld T e s t a m e n t t h a t s a y s - - t h e g is t of its l ik e t h i s - - f r o m the t i m e you a r e c o n c e i v e d until you die, th e good L o r d knows w h a t y o u ' r e gonna be. If you follow it as c l o s e as you c a n , you win out. Why, I d o n 't know if I 'm w i n ning out o r no t, but a t l e a s t I ' m h a v ing a lot of fun t r y in g . B u t h e r e it is in a n u ts h e l l. I h a te to c o n d e m n it, but y o u r c h u r c h people a r e the w o r s t o n es in th e gay life. I h a v e found m o r e in th e c h u r c h , had m o r e a s s o c i a t i o n s w ith t h o s e t h a t 's a c t i v e in the c h u r c h than I'v e had o u t s i d e th e c h u r c h . And they a r e th e ones w h o a r e going to c o n d e m n us f i r s t . A nd they w ill c o n d e m n us f i r s t b e c a u s e t h e y ' r e not living w h a t they a r e p r o c o n tin u e d page 26

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T h e C O N T A C T page w ill c a r r y n ew s of th is an d t h a t plus p e r s o n a l l i s t i n g s of a n o n - s e x i s t , n o n - e x p l o i t a t i v e n a t u r e . L i s t i n g s a r e , of c o u r s e , f r e e ; though, w e r e s e r v e th e r i g h t to r e j e c t o r ed it any and all l is t in g s .

contact:

Gay a n d F e m i n i s t L i t e r a t u r e R e s o u r c e L i s t F r e e ! V a l u a b le G u id e in o b ta in in g Books, Pam phlets, E tc. W rite; South e r n Gay L i b e r a t o r , P . O . B o x 2118, B o c a R a to n , F l o r i d a 33432. S e l f - a d d r e s s e d a n d S T A M P E D e n v e lo p e a m u s t . B o o k s t o r e s ; Send m o s t r e c e n t c a t a l o g and GAY TA R O T ? I w o u ld like to c o r r e s p o n d w ith any gay get l i s t e d on o u r t h i r d lit l i s t F R E E . m e n i n t e r e s t e d in the T a r o t c a r d s , p a r Gay A s t r o l o g e r s o m e w h e r e ? I a m t r y i n g to find a gay p e r s o n w ho c a n t i c u l a r l y p eo p le w ho a r e t r y i n g to r e e r e c t an d i n t e r p r e t c h a r t s . C o n t a c t c o n c i l e t h e i r g a y n e s s w ith T a r o t i m a g e r y . T h e thin g s w h ic h h a v e e x c i t e d m e P e r r y C a r r i s o n , 4. G ib b es C o u r t , m o s t inc lu d e a book of g y p s y i n t e r p r e C o l u m b i a , S . C . , 29201 t a t io n s w h ic h inc lu d e h in ts of e s o t e r i c I a m a p r i s o n e r in the O k l a h o m a S tate m e d i e v a l h o m o s e x u a l c u lts a n d s y m P r i s o n an d w ill be r e l e a s e d soon a f t e r b o ls ; c o m p a r i n g the r e l a t i v e s e x i s m C h r i s t m a n 1974. I w o u ld lik e to c o r r e s of m e d i e v a l , C r o w l e y , W a ite and pond w ith o t h e r gay m e n i n t e r e s t e d in A q u a r i a n d e c k s ; d e v e l o p m e n t of the b eg in n in g a s e m i - r e l i g i o u s ( C h r is t ia n ) idea of a m e n ' s c i r c l e an d a w o m e n ' s agriculturally-oriented communal x c i r c l e . C o n t a c t C a r l W i t t m a n , 3502 liv in g s it u a t i o n . P l e a s e c o n t a c t G e o r g e C o y o te C r e e k Rd. , Wolf C r e e k . OR B a m b e r g e r 85287, Rt. 1, Box 260, 97497. L e x in g to n , O k l a h o m a , 7 3051.

Ice s h a c k s on th e r i v e r Ice b r i d g e s in the w i n t e r an d I ' m s a y in g m y l o v e r ' s c o m i n g b a c k to m e Sk ies of l a v e n d e r an d o r a n g e in the e v e n in g g lis te n on a c r y s t a l s p e c k e d s h e e n of l o n e l i n e s s Wind s c u lp t e d snow m o u n t a i n s an d m e a r e t h e only g l i d e r s to d ay in the s u n s h i n e as I ' m s in g in g m y l o v e r ' s c o m i n g b a c k to m e

OLD FARMER c o n ti n u e d f r o m page 25 f e s s i n g . I a m liv in g w h a t I p r o f e s s , j u s t m y faith . L e t m e h e lp . W ell, t h e r e ' s an old p o e m : L e t m e l iv e by th e s i d e of th e r o a d an d b e a f r i e n d to m a n . T hat's me.

26 RFD

GAYLY S P E A K IN G : Do you h a v e any a d v ic e f o r o t h e r gays w ho m a y be l i s te n in g to th is w ho m a y s t i l l be liv in g in s m a l l to w n s o r r u r a l a r e a s as to how th e y c a n f a c e th e f u t u r e if t h e y ' r e going to s t a y in r u r a l a r e a s ? O L D M AN: B e y o u r s e l f , m a in l y . S tan d up f o r y o u r r i g h t s an d s t i c k to it.

50112.

M a n y t h a n k s to a ll of yo u w ho h e l p e d g iv e b i r t h to R . F . D . t h r o u g h c o n t r i b u t i o n s of t i m e , e n e r g y , p h o t o g r a p h s , d r a w i n g s , a r t i c l e s , p o e m s , g r a p h i c s , a d v i c e , lov e a n d m o n e y . A n d a th a n k y o u to the Iowa City W o m e n ' s P r e s s fo r t h e i r h e l p and s u p p o r t . Now t h a t R . F . D. is out, we w a n t to h e a r y o u r r e a c t i o n s , s u g g e s t io n s , c r i t i c i s m s . A s w e h a v e s a i d b e f o r e , you a r e R . F . D . O n ly a s m a l l g r o u p of m e n w o r k e d on t h i s i s s u e so w e n e e d f e e d b a c k an d f r e s h i d e a s f r o m you w ho w i ll be r e a d i n g t h i s . R u s t i c F a i r y D r e a m s is an i n t r o d u c t i o n of o u r s e l v e s to e a c h o t h e r . F u r t h e r i s s u e s w ill be b r o a d e r in s c o p e . T h e n e x t i s s u e is s c h e d u l e d fo r t h e W i n t e r S o l s t i c e a n d h o p e fu lly will be l a r g e r . We w o u ld like to s e e m o r e of y o u r m a t e r i a l an d l e s s of o u r s . We need: * p o e m s a n d s o n g s in c e l e b r a t i o n a n d c o n f u s i o n , in jo y an d h u r t of l iv in g in r u r a l gay A m e r i c a , ’- p h o t o g r a p h s ( p r e f e r a b l y b l a c k a n d w h ite) o f you, y o u r h o m e an d th e lai d a b o u t yo u, l o v e r s , f r i e n d s , a n i m a l s , t r e e s , f l o w e r s , photo s of w o r k a n d play a n d e v e r y t h i n g in b e t w e e n , ’- g r a p h i c w o r k , d r a w i n g s , i l l u s t r a t i o n s , in photo r e a d y c o n d i tio n . If d e s i r e d , w e c a n r e t u r n t h e m to y o u . (O ffs e t d o e s n ' t r e p r o d u c e felt t i p pen a c c o r d i n g to o u r p r i n t e r s . ) ’- a r t i c l e s on a n y th i n g you w o u ld like to s h a r e : c o m i n g out to the n e i g h b o r s , liv in g a l o n e , b u il d in g a s t r u c t u r e , r e m e m b r a n c e s of c h i ld h o o d , p la n t i n g z i n n i a s , c u c u m b e r s a n d c h e r r y t r e e s , f i n a n cially supporting y ourself, jo u rn al e n trie s , an im al c a re , c o o k ing an d p r e s e r v i n g food, f a n t a s i e s a n d r e a l i t i e s . S c a t t e r e d t h r o u g h o u t th e b o o n d o c k s a s w e a r e , it is d iffic u lt to find o t h e r r u r a l f a g g o t s . If you got off on R . F . D , p l e a s e h e l p s p r e a d the n e w s to y o u r f r i e n d s a l r e a d y liv i n g in th e c o u n t r y a n d to c i t y p eo p le w ho n e e d s o m e e n c o u r a g e m e n t to c o m e o u t c o u n t r y . A n d of c o u r s e , w e n e e d y o u r f i n a n c i a l s u p p o r t to c o n t i n u e . S u b c r i p t i o n s a r e only $ 2 . 0 0 / y e a r (fo u r i s s u e s ) . U n til D e c e m b e r - - H a p p y T r a i l s . CREDITS photographs: A l l a n T r o x l e r p.' 5 D ic k P h i l l i p s p. 21

illustrations: P e te r Lee A l la n T r o x l e r Don-Tevel Olaf O d e g a a rd

p. 6 c o v e r , pp. 9 ,1 3,1 7 pp. 22, 23, 27 p. 24

RFD Issue 1 Autumn 1974

Articles inside

RFD Issue 1 Autumn 1974