RFD Issue 4 Summer 1975

The winner of the first Fill in the Blanks Contest is Arra, a sympathizer from, of all places, San Francisco. But we ain’t proud. Thanks, Arra.

RABBITS. FAG GOTS ANDRFDDRAGONFLIES SUMMER SOLSTICE

The dots spread! To Stuart Island, Rolling Meadows, Great Falls, Idaho Falls, Colorado Springs, Little River, Fall River and Powell River, . . . to Sandstone and Marblemount. Lcnnoxville, Heislerville, Reidsville, Mitchellvillc, Brownville and Oroville. To Pella, Jamaica, Celina, Oneonta and Ottumwa. To Alma, Natalie and Helen . . . to Hobart, Malcolm and Alfred. The RFD family reaches around the compass, from North Platte to South Salem, from East Boolhbay to West Wardsboro.

PRJIOCTIOV

GRAPHICS

Peter, Milo, Mark, Keith, Jim, Jeff, Allan

Landon: inside front cover, 7 Richard Roth: back cover Staff: 24-25 Peter: 3, 19, 22, 23, 35 Milo: 18, 21 Allan: cover, 4, 11, 12, other RFD is published four times a year by RFD, P.O. Box 161, Grinnell, Iowa 50112 (office at 1405 Park St., Grinnell, Iowa 50112, but please address all mail to the P.O.) and is printed by the Iowa City Women’s Press, I I 6V2 East Benton St., Iowa City, Iowa 52240.

Application to mail at Second Class Postage is pending at Grinnell, Iowa 50112.

Summer Solstice Issue June 21, 1975

CONTENTS

country faggots Chuck Beckwith Wise.

Vt. Samuel Spaniel Mark W. Va. N.C. Jonathan W'illiams Jim Mcllwain Minn.

Tom Kerr N.C. N.C. Aden Field Jack, Carl Interview: Ore. Todd, Allan Gay Green Thumbs Milo Tenn.

Loomis Jacob Iowa Short Story Gavin Wash.

Poem Jeff, Keith, Peter Lay-out on the Lake Ore. Allan Potato Printing staff Barn yard—potato prints Dance Department Rob Ore. Dance Liberation Ore. Carl Loving Dance Mark W. Va. Paper Cutting Beale N.M. Goats Cal. Pat Pacheco More on Goats Arbutus Wash.

Ore. Camas Down on the Farm Greg Fillar Wise.

Poem Radiant Fungus Declaration Milo Tenn.

2 Letters 4 Language of Flowers 7 Poetry 8

9 10

18

20 21 22

23 24 26 26 30 35 38 41 42 45 47

Dear RFD Reader, As of this issue, the price goes up. Much-appreciated contributions notwithstanding, our financial state is parlous. Which is okay, but to keep it from getting out of hand, we hope you’ll agree to an extra quarter per issue. So, single copies now go for 75^. A year’s subscription will cost $3.00. Of course, existing subscriptions are good for their duration. We’re asking libraries and institutions to pay $6.00 per year. And for subscribers overseas, it’s $5.00 a year now (second class postage).

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Lotsa letters! Thanks. We’d like to print them all Sc we’d like to print them complete, hut space forbids. So in editing we’ve tried to save the spirit Sc the message.

I grew up very much country, from beginning to end, from scraping bristles off hogs to cranking a lardpress. Since then, I’ve changed a lot. I was a theater student in college, but now only attend part-time. My gay friends from “the city” cringe noticeably when I mention chittlin’s (that’s chitterlings, according to Webster’s, but 1 know better), but all that farm and feed and cultivating and canning are in me, forever.

It is enough to say that all of my life is forever with me, making me permanently linked to rural Southern Ohio. And you know, I like it! lake care.

L. Allen Barr Athens, Ohio Thank you for all the pleasure that I recieved from reading RFD issue no. 2. My father was a dairy farmer in Wisconsin, and I grew up in a small town near the farm. It was the classical case of being isolated, not knowing any other gays. And when I saw your map I looked to see if there was a “commemorative” dot to mark my small town. There wasn’t but I made one in my own copy. Anyway, it took me back to those times and I had lots of warm feelings for the folks writing RFI) as well as for that younger person who was me.

I would like to share a fantasy with you and maybe some of the readers of RFD. I live now in Palo Alto, CA (part of the S.F. Bay Area) working with other gay men to give each other support and to make this a better place to be gay in. I miss a lot of the country experiences which I grew up with and I would like to take a trip through northern California, Oregon, Wash­ ington, and maybe British Columbia to visit and help work with rural gay men on their farms. I don’t want to rip-off any gay men, so it is important for me to bring and add whatever energy (from me) or material goods (from the bay area) that might be welcomed.

I’m wondering if any of your readers would like to write to me about this. I would like to come in July or August. If so they can write to m cDavid Gilbert 204 Gilbert St. Menlo Park, CA 94025 For our brothers who want to get into the country — we’ll exchange good Oregon mountain land for carpen­ try help, fence building, sawmill labor, etc., during the coming summer. Food and shelter no problem. Sincere and together brothers only please. Write: Garin Biester Sumpter Stage, Baker, Oregon 97814.

I just got the spring issue about an hour ago and a quick browse has me Raving Fucked-Up &: Dizzy in a most unpleasant way.

How can you possibly say on the inside cover that you decided not to use material “of only titillating intent” or “oppressive,” and that you “voice support of feminine identified males,” and then print Leather on page 12?

I’m really upset! Explain to me how any so standard banal/cvil fast hard-pumping panting sweating ramming squirting sex/deatfi fantasy can be anything but oppres­ sive. I only hope that any “bull/buck/bear” reading RFD will be forewarned what to expect at the tender hands of Mr. Quicksilver.

Of course I’m just a pansy, one of those not “brave” enough to “ponder the game” of such an epic stud.

Maybe that’s it. Or then again, maybe I’m all too familiar with his game. Maybe I’m not interested in his “tricks” cause I don’t like his brand of magic. It depends totally on the acceptance of guilt, on a gutlevel belief in “vile flesh.” My experience has been that, as the guilt is worked through, the erotic pleasure to be derived from being nearly killed begins to wear thin.

Liberation, to me, consists of learning to care for each other in the reality of time and flesh. I thought that was what RFD was about.

So, I’ll read the rest of the issue later tonight, and hope Leather was a plant by someone working for the CIA. I send you my sissified love, tho I’m not sure right now that you want it. God damn. Sweet dreams, Jim Minnesota F.S. Thanks for the seeds. You can bet your bruised and bloody asses that I’ll plant them.

Now I’m reading page 13, with the picture of Whitman. The contrast between it and Leather is Remarkably Fraught with Discrepancies . . . Maybe page 12 could hereafter be dubbed the S&M page.

Truth in labelling’s all I ask . . .

The members of the Atascadero Gay Encounter here at Atascadero State Hospital have enjoyed the first two issues of R.F.D. that we received.

Many of us have come from a rural background sometime in our lives; from the East, Midwest, South, and West Coast. We can identify with many of the problems faced by gays in a rural setting. In some instances, these same situations are the cause of us being here.

Growing up gay is difficult enough in a larger community or city. When you come from a rural setting, communicating your feelings to someone who will understand and accept you, it is even harder.

I will be writing again and share some of my own feelings with your readers, and I hope other members of our club will do the same.

Looking forward to your future issues; Regards, Gerry Olson Drawer A Atascadero, CA 93422

I realize you can’t really write a letter to RFD. only to the team who put out the last issue. Well, to those who were responsible for Spring 75, here are three Bronx cheers and a dozen slaps on your untanned wrists. You say your problem was to select from ait “overwhelming volume of material” pieces that would “work together to form a spring message.” And so you chose the chic camp of At the Pass, the brutal sado­ masochistic fantasy-with-gag-line of “Leather,” the equally snarling counter-theme of “the leather look." and the insipid, addle-headed, narcissistic ditherings of “Spring, Spirit, and Faggotry.” And of course, the usual complement of, by now, standard and monoto­ nous egocentric personal narratives from restless young commuters along the New York-San Francisco axis, who Find it refreshing to spend part of the year in the country and think this has some grandiose significance which merits our attention. So what’s the spring message? that RFD is going into competition with Esquire in the chic and camp department? that spring is a big put-on? that that M.D. who can’t write English was perfectly right about his one intelligible point: that there’s so far been nothing in RFD of any rele­ vance to someone who really lives in the country?

And there’s not likely to be. RFD is a product of the urban Youthcult and will stay that way until un­ urbanized and elderly voices are heard in it. But that is not going to happen —not because RFD’s Youthcult ideology would suppress such voices, but simply because the owners of such voices are not much given to using them. Country people aren’t much into Con­ sciousness, of either the Cosmic or Self-celebrating variety, and it would embarrass them to talk about their feelings for the land in metaphors derived from Far, Near, and Middle-Eastern religions. About all you can get out of them is “That’s a right purty patch o’ silt loam you’ve got there; oughta get some mighty fine turnips out’n it this year.” Such sentiments wouldn’t make for very interesting articles to send to RFD, whose readers want to hear about burnt offerings to Nature Spirits and communal rites under the naked moon. And take a man whose transcontinental tripping days are over and who’s settled down on a piece of land to which he’s committed for his living, his loving, and his life —he can’t just skip spring planting to go off to Greensboro to help work on the summer issue of RFD, nor is he greatly inclined to drop everything and take off at the news that somebody in Wyoming is looking for a trick.

So RFD will always be the property of the nowscene young (at least as long as the back-to-the-land trip remains the chic thing to try when the weather is good) and will always be of little use to genuine hay­ seeds and oldies-but-goodies like me. Even the letters are exclusively for the highly mobile, “but look 25”and-under set. Still, the letters are the best part, especi­ ally those from real country boys (you can always tell: they’re so simple, quiet, sensible), and I’d like to see more space devoted to them, at the expense of some of the self-conscious “I’m so interesting in overalls” type drivel.

Well, whatever you plan for us in the summer issue, please don’t fail to include the next episode in the saga of David and Gavin. I’m dying to hear what happened next. Was the house insured? Did David head West to search for his inconstant friend? Will Gavin give up his

Gypsy ways and come home to help build a new house, or will David se!' the ancestral acres and join a troop of nomads in the Mojave Desert? You can’t leave us in this suspense. The tribulations of these lovable kids are breaking my heart. Youth everywhere breaks my heart with its yearnings and turnings and churnings and burnings. So much fun, so much hurting. And peace comes so late.

Your friend and critic, Bumpkin of N.C. c/o RFD

A friend of mine gave me a copy of your Winter issue and I loved it.

-I would like to hear from any of your readers w'ho live in rural Western Canada; I’m especially interested in finding out if there are any rural gay male communes in B.C. or prairies who are willing to accept a city visitor for a few days, enjoying the country and being with other gay men.

Thanks for being.

David Rand 4465 Quebec Street Vancouver, B.C. V5V 3L6 I am sitting in a small cafe, built just a few yards from the beach on the Oregon coast. The foam-crested breakers and seagulls move with the grace and tenacity of the grass on a wind-battered hillside. I walked the beach this morning, watching the waves scatter drift­ wood and the clouds balance themselves on a familiar „ horizon.

I would like to hear from others who like to walk the beach and run from an incoming tide. Who want to search for columbine in hidden meadows of familiar mountains. Landscapes never fail we only fail each other. My best to you and your excellent magazine.

“La Speranza E’ sernpre’ Verde” “The hope is always fresh” Larry Mikkelson 801 SW 6th Corvallis, Oregon 97330

“ Flowers and fairies 00

handin hand...OldEnglishsaying

5 Herbalism, the most ancient science of humankind, plant from Peru, were synonomous for “devotion” anil had its origin in the search for food. Plants were “constancy in love" because it is their nature that the explored to see which plants or parts of plants were flowers devoutly follow the course of the sun through edible and which were poisonous. These early experi­ tin- sky, never turning aside their faces for one moment. ments very quickly and naturally led to an association Ihc fragrant but thorny Sweet briar meant pleasure between plant life and diverse attributions. These attri­ mixed with pain. butions became inseparable from the plant itself and Color was another important criterion for plant its uses and in this way the attributions became symbolism.

Generally pale colors represented innocence ingrained in the human consciousness. "The assoc iation and virtue. Darker colors symbolized the darker aspects between plant life and fertility w;is the strongest and of life. Blue denoted fidelity and loyalty. Blue Forgetmost obvious of attributions. A language evolved to me-nots represented “forget me not.” Red generally explain this connection. Seed time, harvests, solstices, referred to love or the passions. A retl rose indicated food gathering, fertility rituals, and magic became “love twice fold.” This aspect of the language of inseparable from plant lore and the Language of Plants. Flowers is the most familiar to us in today’s indus­ Plants were chosen as the easiest and closest approach trialized, patriarchal society. Color symbolism has to the great Mysteries. The plant became a symbol remained rather unchanged although it has decreased for the continuity of life. in daily importance.

The careful observation of every detail of the herb he uses to which herbs were put is another basis was essential in order to properly discriminate between for 1the vocabulary of the 1-mguage of Flowers. The the healing properties of herbs. This vast and most mint Pennyroyal, a natural insect and flea repcllant, important body of herbal knowledge was an important had the playful meaning “flee away.” "The Christmas element in the matriarchal, pre-Christian western world. Rose (relieve my anxiety) was hung over doorways in For thousands of years this body of plant lore was houses in ancient times to expel evil spirits within. taught only by word of mouth and under direct and I he textbook of herbalism, / he Herbal, was, until close personal contact. Plant lore became totally inter­ quite recently, notoriously inaccurate and vague. The related to the matriarchal nature cult which had been actual knowledge of plant lore was transmitted by flourishing throughout most of the western world since word of mouth. The properties of herbs, techniques the Stone Age. The elemental world was thought to be ol herb gathering, the creation of remedies, and the universally endowed with spirit and soul. As soon as administering of doses was all within the oral tradition. people turned their attention skyward to observe the Herbs were grown in home gardens or gathered wild night sky, plant lore and mythology became inter­ and were used for both medicinal and cosmetic pur­ connected in the new science of Astrology. Plants were poses. Household preparations, lotions, cosmetic pow­ dedicated to and shared in the properties ol all heavenly ders and cremes, salves, moth preventives, pomanders, bodies. Life forces were viewed as universal in their sweet bags; tinctures, aromatic vinegars, and electuaries manifestations: lrom the sprouting of a seed to a were everyday uses for plants. Deafness, sprains, melan­ solar eclipse. choly, brains and memories, dulled senses, broken “Garden work is women’s work,” stated Pliny the bones, weak ruptures, bruises, coughs, fevers, plagues, Llder, A.D. 23-79, author of Natural History. The state­ jaundice, vertigo,gout, indigestion, tooth ache, eye maladies, ment of this Roman historian and naturalist reveals the mad dogs were all treated herbally. In the year extent to which herbalism, the laboratory of which was and I (>()(), there were 400 medicinal herbs which were well the garden, was a feminine-identified science. Even known and commonly used and grown. At that time today the vast majority of herbals and plant-related certain exotic natural substances such as adder’s tongue, books have been written by women. coral, unicorn horn, and powdered gold were considered A separate and very specific language of flowers herbs and were consumed medicinally. evolved which is as old as speech itself. This language Christianity attempted to repress much of the is rooted in the oral tradition ol the folk memory. It original language of Flowers because of its direct is a language using flowers, plants, and herbs as a way association with the nature-ba.'Jtd matriarchal religion to convey messages. I his language was based on special and witchcraft.

This was not an easy task since Chris­ qualities assigned to herbs according to their physical tian doctrine taught that plants, like animals, were structure, fragrance, color, and uses. Alkanet became works ol the Almighty Creator and possessed a soul­ a symbol lor falsehood because the root was used to like quality.

'The Language of Flowers had a firm root. produce a dye which was used to stain the lips, skin, Florigraphy was the first formalized flower language. and hair deep red. I hyme became a symbol for bravery 1he ancient Chinese and Japanese evolved a complex because soldiers bathed in an infusion of the herb to system of communication and symbology.

Flowers promote courage. Pine trees and evergreens easily were delivered as explicit messages.

Japanese family became synonomous of “survival” and “hope in adver­ crests, which decorated all objects and clothing, were sity because of their ability to grow in poor soils and composed of wondrous stylized depictions of fruits, rocky and windswept terrain. Chamomile (energy in flowers, vegetables, and plant forms. The ancient adversity) was recognized as having a resilient character incorporated florigraphy into their mythology which enabled it to spring back into its original position Greeks and floral messages were used in religion, affairs of after having been trodden upon. Rosemary (remem­ stale of national and international importance, and in brance) was believed to restore the memory. the sports arena. especially Elizabethan poetry, Careful observation of plant life cycles increased the made much use olPoetry, florigraphy.

Hamlet the dead vocabulary of the Language of Flowers. Balsam (impa­ Ophelia is described as wearing In “fantastic garlands . . ./ tience) seed pods explode when they are but lightly ol crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples.” touched. Heliotrope and the Sunflower, a new world I ranslated into the popular and commonly known

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language of Flowers her garland means “A fair maid, matriarchal sense of values. Small scale sculpture, stung to the quick, her youthful bloom, under the cold small benches, rose arbors, irregular flower beds, naturalistic tree forms, small ponds, and babbling hand of death.*’ What is so obscure to us today had been a widely understood and commonly used language brooks spanned by small foot bridges replaced the mazes and topiary of the French garden. among the illiterate.

The Temple of Friendship did make the transition The tuzzy-muzzy was a popular device for ex­ pressing sentiments through the Language of Flowers. into the English garden and inspired a very special type of private garden: The Friendship Garden. The idea of The tuzzy-muzzy was a Renaissance nosegay with a symbolic meaning. It was composed of a central flower a Friendship garden is quite simple and it relies heavily on the Language of Flowers. Friends exchanged seeds, displaying the most important idea surrounded by plants, herbs, and bulbs which were carefully chosen flowers and herbs expressing refinements on that to extend a friendly or personal thought or convey a central theme. Tuzzy-muzzies were presented by special meaning. Planted in the Friendship Garden the suitors although they could be carried or displayed plant would be nurtured and given all the special atten­ independently to convey an important meaning. A Dwarf Sunflower (your devout admirer), surrounded tion that a friendship deserves. The gardener had the

by Austrian Roses (thou art all that is lovely), with a rewarding pleasure of combining gardening and com­ border of Double Pinks (pure and ardent love) pre­ panionship. The Friendship Garden became a place for sented a passionate message. However, a tuzzy-muzzy contemplation and meditation on friends near and of a central Spiderwort (I esteem you but do not love faraway, the sorrow of separation, the fleeting nature you) on a cloud of Dogwood blossoms (indifference) of life, life’s regeneration, the Language of Flowers, carried quite the opposite meaning. The possibilities the poetic qualities of Nature, and exotic, distant lands* for subtlety and refinement of sentiment were infinite. The Friendship Garden had a tendency to become a bit The tuzzy-muzzy was such a standard form of com­ maudlin. Depending on the talents and tastes of its munication that intricately fashioned silver holders of creator the Friendship Garden could become a riotous lace-like delicacy were created to hold the meaningful celebration of life and love. Moss Roses (humble bouquet. beauty), all Roses (love, love, love), Lilacs (love’s emo­ Gardens were seen now as a site for entertainment tions), Tulips (declaration of love), Scarlet Runners and a place to arouse and express various emotions such (love, cling to me), Lilies (purity), Pansies (thoughts), as pleasure, delight, melancholy, surprise, reverence, Violets (modesty), Pinks (always lovely), and Rosemary and all degrees of repose and meditation. The interest (remembrance) were popular flowers of Friendship. in flowers and horticulture rapidly grew. New plants The Language of Flowers can and should be personal were introduced into F.urope at an astonishing rate.

Four years ago when I was separated from my love, Sunflowers, Waterlilies, Dahlias, Scarlet Runner Beans, Chuck, I sent him Moonflower seeds. The Moonflower and Fuchsias were discovered and imported from distant has a deep personal symbolism not described in the South America. Plants and seeds came from faraway generalized Language of Flowers. The Moonflower is China and Tibet. From the Middle East were introduced a showy 6” diameter white flower (I myself have a the very popular and valued bulbs including the Tulip, flamboyant nature), opens only at night (I am a “night Crocus, Narcissus, and Hyacinth. person”), is scented (I am strongly drawn to fragrances The elite, grand, elegant, and genteel gardens of the and my work involves them), and is named after the XVIII century aristocracy evolved into the more demo­ moon (my Sun, Moon, and Venus are all in Cancer, cratic public parks, conservatories, and expositions of ruled by the Moon and Chuck calls me “Moonie”). the Victorian Era. Romanticism had planted the seeds There I was growing right up against Chuck’s driftwood for an explosion in the popularity and everyday use of fence that California summer. This spring we sent Ted the Language of Flowers. Flowers which had always and Dick, our two close friends in Oregon, pansy and been used to express sentiments were a perfect, private zinnia seeds as a way of saying “sweet thoughts of vehicle for Romantic feelings. Every thought, however absent friends.” And then there were Allan’s beautiful savage, passionate, or melancholy, had a flower to R.F.D. Pansies uniting all us Pansies. symbolize it. The great majority of Europeans at this The Language of Flowers became such a cult that time were still not very literate and maintained the every drawing room had a bound volume of Flora complex and intricate Language of Flowers by word Symbolica, The Language o f Flowers, Flora's Dic­ of mouth. tionary, or perhaps a volume of original watercolors Victoria Regina and her consort Prince Albert of flowers created by a member of the family. The art really set the fashion for the importance of flowers and of flower pressing became the vogue. Lockets often turned it into a European mania which lasted vigor­ contained dried, symbolic flowers. At no time in ously until World War I. Queen Victoria established history were flower names so popular for women. At the English flower garden as the paragon of horticul­ costume balls women often appeared dressed as Rose tural beauty. The Victorian garden became more buds, Carnations, Forget-me-nots, and Edelweiss. romantically naturalistic than the Beaux Arts garden Flower pageants and tableaux were very popular of the XVIII century. Beaux Arts gardens were monu­ amusements in the late Victorian Era. Parlor games mental, symmetrical, and contained huge sculpture, and fortune telling incorporated the language of flower fountains, and monuments, such as Temples of Venus flowers.

Flowers, the first letter of which matched and Temples of Friendship. Flowers were of little the initial of the first letter of a word, were used to importance and often flower beds were filled not with spell out names, phrases, and words. Flowers personi­ living flowers but with porcelain flowers and colored fied individuals. Oscar Wilde promoted the Sunflower glass or dyed sand arranged in geometric or floral and Calla Lily as the aesthetic symbols. Wilde insulted patterns. The XVIII century garden was patriarchal.

Aubrey Beardsley by calling Mabel Beardsley a Daisy The Victorian garden showed a return to a more

and Aubrey a malevolent Orchid. Mucha had his Poppies, Sara Bernhardt her lilies, and Isadora Duncan her Irises. Napolean was mad for Violets. Louis Sulli­ van was entranced by the Thistle. The Art Nouveau artists embraced the Language of Flowers.

Protocol was essential in giving and accepting flowers. A flower offered in an inverted position carried the opposite of its usual recognized sentiment.

For example if on a garden walk an upside down violet were exchanged between lovers it could have been considered an immodest proposition since the usual meaning for violets was “modesty, sweetness, and innocence.” Single flowers were left at doorsteps in place of the love letter or ubiquitous calling card.

During World War I the British created Friendship Gardens dedicated to soldiers. Friends and families made gardens utilizing plants symbolic of victory.

Nasturtiums (bravery), Borage (courage), Trefoil (revenge), and Thyme (bravery) were commonly planted often in the shape of the initials of a soldier.

After W.W. I the Friendship Garden and the Language of Flowers lost popularity as Europeans consciously attempted to become more “modem” and divest them­ selves of the past. I have a post card mailed in 1917 which bears this poem:

Chuck Beckwith

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Scurrilious Poem by Samuel Spaniel, called Sodomy for Beginners and representative of a difficult gay reactionary ism, surfacing in my bedroom The bottom he In sodomy Must enlarge his orifice, Or else contain A wealth of pain, Or doubtless feel much more of (his Than if he were Much gentler, As also were his lover, And if the two With gel or glue Give relevant parts a cover.

That two can only Be so lonely For a taste of Sodom, To so neglect To so protect Their bowsprit and their bottom, Suggests that any backside fair Will serve as one-half of a pair, For surely it’s not love that binds These hungry hunks of hung behinds One unto the other.

S.S.

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it would he great someday, perhaps, i will feel everything that i know, then maybe i will look at you openly, and hold out a hand so steadily that you will do likewise, without hesitation, possibly we will undress with grace and pride and the light left on, and the room will not fill with angry ghosts, it would be great to lie down like lovers, trembling only because it feels good. jim mcilwain Small Herbal (for Allan)

Two poems from Poor Substitute for Snuggling

wild pansy’s heart's ease heart’s easy ie, artesian either cock teasing or cloth teaselling raises a nap

Being in love with you is like tumbling head-over-heels down an endless staircase

Jonathan Williams

1

no longer know which end is up I can’t catch my breath I hope it lasts forever this delightful somersault

Into my mouth I want to take your cock when it is soft Sc small Sc pliant I want to roll it on my tongue Sc whisper secrets to it till all of a sudden it swells like bread rising grows enormous like a time-lapse movie of a bud

Mark

i am on a train of thought heading toward you. it clatters through tunnels like wells full of bones in an earthquake, past warehouses lull of love letters, beds, and dead flowers pressed into diaries . . . the dust gathers dust. past hobos drinking canned heat for a thrill, their chilled lingers quivering like the last leal left on the last tree to stiffen its limbs in the lingering freeze alongside a lifeless river with barges like a flat funeral procession inching toward the grave site of some overwhelming corpse. the boxcars are all empty except for some bats feeding on spiders and rats eating mildewed seed. the whistle moans like wind through cracks of an abandoned chamber empty except for a spider weaving death around a fly; a tapestry of holes held delicately together the way we hold each other as our love unravels.

Tom Kerr The David I have lived so long among these momentoes, I feel my life were the gift of friends, an image built of probably truths.

This small David bust, white, recks of Florence and one prim lady’s nod to my gay friend Michelangelo, recluse, the statuary freak.

She traveled abroad under the hand of God, remembering me once at least when she bought the gift.

5 October 1974 Aden Field

in

GAY CHEEK T M B S

On a whim, we took the tape recorder to supper with Jack and I odd one evening before folk dancing.

We had thought a rap about their plant business would be interesting, as the first in a possible series of articles on how faggots survive in the country. And we did get into that a bit before we started arguing about food stamps. Next time it might be better not to have such feisty interviewers.

J&.T live in a small town, restored to its 19th century state, in Southwest Oregon. The comer lot where they have spread out their plants fat es the old United States Hotel. Poppies and foxgloves and daisies bloom along the fences and against the brick wall where the fading paint once heralded the wonders of Bull Durham Cut Pin., Flats of happy seedlings are propped on ancient wagons and cover the ground. Our two friends preside over this magic spot with unassuming charm, listening patiently, making suggestions, sharing their experience. A very soft sell. Panama, the Irish setter, when not visiting the bar down the street, sleeps under an old horse cart.

I odd: I thank my brothers at the gay conference in T: Yup. And of which not one penny has been paid Iowa City for an article to send my folks, headlined back yet. Money owed.

Some days Find Peace on Farm. Isn’t that great? All J: That’s not total expenditures . . .

T: Sure it is. Well, it’s what we borrowed from the those words in one sentence. They say that among their small town and farm neighbors they are enjoying bank plus what we owe to the green house. a peace and acceptance of themselves as human beings, C: What’s the money you borrowed from the bank . . . and . . . is that seed?

Allan: 1 find that I steer clear of the neighbors, myself, T: Seed, and fertilizer, and sand. And we put every­ and enjoy peace and acceptance . . . thing in saleable containers, which is a drag really.

T: Well . . .

A: Peat pots?

Carl: All our neighbors are lesbians.

T: Yeah. It would be better, for the plants and for A: We have two straight neighbors, and they’ve cut us, if we put them in flats, and cut them. That’s how they used to do them, 10 years ago. Since then it’s all off our phone privileges.

C: We’re having this whole building inspector trouble. been pelletized.

A: These aren’t very dull beans.

T: 1 think the magazine ought to have a section, like J: Well, maybe what we should do first is talk about Hints from Heloise that would be, like, things that get how we got into it and what the economics were of you off, and like 1 could write a list of five things that opening it up. get me off . . . bicycling, and plants, and . . . yoga . . . T: Which was, $500 of money that we were going to fucking . . . you know, everybody has at least five use lor the farm, to buy land with, but instead I started things that are especially interesting to them; and it the flower stand. That was “Move to the land and do seems that if you could look at somebody else’s list of your fantasy” money. five, you could incorporate those into your life a little J: And what did you do with the money, the $500? bit.

T: Bought $500 worth of plants. That was three A: Well, you’re right on cue. We’re going to have a years ago. And this year we bought $1200 worth of questionnaire. We can put that in, too. We can ask plants. So now we have a lot more invested, and hope everything, and then compile it all and put it into the for a lot more return. We must now have about at next issue. Country Women did that and it was real least $5,000 worth of plants we’re going to sell. So we neat; they didn’t know who was reading the magazine, ought to double our money, whatever that means. But who everybody was out there; it was real exciting to we’re not making a living, unless we live at a poverty read, so we sat down one night when some friends were level, which we don’t mind doing. So it’s just a good visiting, and we made up questions. I was also thinking scam to scrape by on, but it’s not making us rich, or it would be fun to have a scrapbook. Everyone could even medium. send something in. like a picture, or shopping list, C: Well, that’s all right. whatever’s lying around that’s reproducable . . . just T: But the basis for everything we’re doing is, well a little something from each of the 500 people who it’s a little outrageous because it’s not your usual cir­ subscribe to the magazine. cumstances. We happened upon a person with a lot of Jack: There’s lots more of these beans. positive energy-the man who owns the lot. 1 A: They’re real good. approached him out of the blue, to sell flowers. It T: Did you start these this morning? was just a vacant lot, with weeds, right downtown, J: Yeah. like that would be my fantasy trip, so I wanted to C: Is this rosemary in it? pursue that. And he helped me, he was always giving J: Becky just throws everything in it. me money, like this year he cosigned my loan for $400, and he came up with money during the winter, C: Well, 1 want to know more about the economics when we were totally broke, he came up with a check of your venture. for $25 and said “don’t starve to death.”

T: We just figured that out . . . $1250.

C: 1 think the inspiration of what you’re doing is C: Is that expenditures?

not that a lot of people can go out and do exactly the same thing .. .

T: But that it is possible to live out your fantasies.

C: Yeah. That each person’s fantasies are different, but if you go ahead and do them, you’re going to find people like that man.

T: I think that’s true . . . once you decide that you are going to live it out, because most people —and I have, lor a long time hedged on my fantasies, never really . . . like how long does it take most people to move to the country?

C: Well, assuming that you can take in $3000, then you have to put aside some of that for next years seed?

T: So it looks like it’ll be time to get a job in the fall again . . . it happens every year.

J: All that’s kind of unclear. Right now it’s impossible to tell what’s going to happen.

T: It all depends on how many plants we sell .

C: How do your prices compare?

T: Oh, cheap . . . I’m the cheapest nursery in town.

I used to charge 75<f and $1.00 for geraniums, now I charge 60^. Well, I figure last year I was paying 45^ and I had to sell them for more. But this year, if you don’t have that middleman it seems unfair to charge prices you did when you did have a middleman.

T: You can talk about a plant to a person, what it’s been doing and what it needs. It’s like you’re this life­ line that these plants are on, and they either make it into the ground or they don’t.

C: That approach to bedding plants, it’s pretty unique? Most people who sell plants are not the people who raise them? They don’t care about them?

T: Not at all.

J: . I think the situation is that most people who raise plants don’t want to deal with the retail situation, to deal with the customers, and so they find it more con­ venient to sell things wholesale.

T: Whereas that’s the boring end of it to us. The greenhouse is a bit tedious, because it’s just mass pro­ duction; whereas when you’re waiting on somebody, they’re interested in flowers and you can turn them on to all sorts of things. Especially with perennials, like 1 found out today that people where really listening to me tell them about things that got me off. Cause all those flowers have personalities and they do different things. I get real turned on by the idea that you’re going going to put something in the ground and it’s going to be there for the next 50 or 100 years.

A: The other day I was at a garden store in Grants Pass, and there was this old old man, and he’d just bought this little fruit tree. It was so affirmative, cause for sure he was never going to live to see it bear fruit, J: In order to make this all make sense, maybe what and still he was just smiling. He was so happy. we ought to do is make clear that for the first two years we didn’t grow anything. This year we did, and that T: It’s so good to be able to tell people this year that makes a total difference, not just economically, but we’ve grown our own plants. People are mindblown by other ways, too. that concept, they can’t believe . . .

C: What other ways?

C: Well, I am. I go over to that greenhouse, and I J: You can control what you’re doing. You can can’t imagine that two people that I know have grown control the plants, you know what they have done as all those plants, and they look so healthy. they’ve grown, you know what their limits arc . . .

J: It’s really a very simple operation, it’s not very

12

difficult. It’s just being willing to sacrifice your time in that direction, for part of the year.

T: Really that’s the basic trouble that people have dealing with their fantasies. If people could spend as much energy as they do talk on the things they’re interested in . . . people talk more about gardening than they ever get out and dig . . .

C: “Far out, pass the joint.”

C: What changes could happen that would enable you to support yourselves, so you wouldn’t have to go to work somewhere else?

J: Having your own greenhouse is the major expense, renting the greenhouse this year is by far the biggest expense, and it’s not that big an expense, when you think of other businesses. It was maybe $600.

T: And $200 for oil for heating the greenhouse.

J: But $750 is really nothing, for running a business;

and we may have spent $300 for seed; and the other thing is that we really didn’t need all this money all at once. It was a situation where we rented the green­ house under the condition that we would pay for it later when we sold some plants.

T: It really needs to be turned into more of a nursery situation. Bedding plants are a part of it, but I would like to get into more of a nursery trip, cause that has a definite relationship to the ecological trips that are happening, in terms of civilization. I always feel like nurseries have been very deficient in this respect. I’m really a tree evangelist —I’d like to see everywhere covered with ponderosa pine trees. And if you have a nursery, you can actually promote those changes. You could grow them and sell them cheap. They don’t sell ponderosa pines. I’ve always wanted to go back to Reno with 200,000 ponderosa pines and a shovel and cover the city. But starting a nursery . . . well, the

IS trouble is that we’ve been so stretched out, riding our C: Well, say it. bicycles back and forth. If we could have a greenhouse A: You’re in enemy territory’! where we could sit and plant and deal with customers T: Well, it just doesn’t seem like a solid foundation. as they came along, and live there and look after the C: Because it might disappear. plants at night when it was cold, and not have all those I': No, because it’s a lie. It’s the government doing spaces in between, the whole thing would be a lot this game, it’s not the real world, I mean, it’s funnv more possible. money; but the real world will be around for a long A: Is that what will happen? time, and I know the definition of real worlds are J: Well, when we got into this whole thing, the weird, but . . . It’s just that trip that I’ve had pounded future was completely foggy. There was no clear vision into my mind since forever, you know, and 1 guess I’ve of w-hat was going to happen. We didn’t have any inten­ come to believe that nobody has the right to expect tions, exactly, long range things; and it’s hard to tell . . . the world to make their living for them.

Somehow it feels like it will happen, but . . . What A: Hell, tell that to Rockefeller; it seems to me it's happened this year happened almost on the spur of the the rich that are spoon fed in this society. moment in the fall. We rented this greenhouse in T: It's just got something to do with the work ethic, November and right up to the last moment we didn’t like I believe in it to a certain degree, and like if you’re know where or if it would happen. on a trip where you’re dependent on charity as a T: And in one way, we’ve really lived out the flower matter of course, then you’re not onto a very satisfying stand. We’ve been doing it for a while, so we’ve gone trip, or 1 wouldn’t be, you know. If the only way I can through changes . . . We’re not into sitting around stay in Oregon is to live on food stamps, I’ll go some­ waiting for customers. place else, do something else, because it’s not interest­ A: You could chase them down the sidewalk . . . ing to me to just sit back and . . .

T: (chuckle) Yeah, but you really don’t want to . . . C; But that’s not the question, whether you sit back.

A: Take this larkspur!

It’s whether the market works in such a way that you T: Gloriosa daisies! get paid a reasonable exchange for what you produce, C: Gimme your pocketbook! like with my dancing or with Allan’s art, nobody’s pay­ A: I think that would be neat, you could buttonhole ing for that, but they should be, and if the only way people on the street, like Hare Krishnas. you can do what you really want is to get $46 a month J: I don’t think it would be neat. in food stamps, I think that’s just some back doorway T: I do that, to some degree . . . for the society paying you what they should be paying A: I know, it’s wonderful watching you. Maltese you anyway. I mean, 1 don’t think it’s the best arrange­ Crosses! This woman comes along to buy petunias, ment, but it’s better than me going to get a job at the and goes away without a petunia but with this boxful welfare department and ruining my life, which is pro­ of Maltese Crosses. People don’t know what they want. ducing useless work. Most people get paid real well to Every suggestion you made, people took it. do shit.

C: Well, I would too.

J: The problem that 1 have with food stamps is that I end up depending on them and not producing C; The other question is the other side of it. How anything. much money do you need?

C: - You mean, the only reason you would work or T: Well, this is the second business we’ve started, do anything useful is that you have to? the first one was a bookstore, in that one we used J: Because . . . I don’t have anything against people $800. being on food stamps, but I wanted not to be on them C: No, I don’t mean how much money to start the myself. When I was on them, 1 didn’t do very much business, how much money do you need to live on. work, of any kind. Partly you (1) don’t do any work Most Americans, I mean if you start talking about because you don’t get any return on the work you do. $3000 gross —that’s enough to feed their dog. But You can automatically get the food stamps no matter what all of us are trying to do becomes at least con­ what you do, whether you work or not, so there isn’t ceivable when you start thinking about a thousand or much of an incentive to do anything, or at least there two a year, rather than $10,000.

Wasn’t for a long time. And the other thing is, and T: Well, it’s possible that Jack and I might each this is probably the main reason, is that I cannot stand earn a thousand dollars; and my trip with the extra to go down and hang around the office, or any office. job is just because I don’t like to struggle, 1 don’t like A: They want you to feel guilty, they want you to to be totally without . . . feel like a chiselcr.

C: How much is your rent here?

J: But because of that, they’re effective on me, and T: $75 a month. But as long as we’ve lived here, I don’t want to do it. I’d rather not go through that we’ve never paid more than half that, so that’s $37 hassle. And also, I think that because the economy is a person. the way it is, it seems to me that there has to be some C: That’s not much. You get food stamps? kind of creative thing going on to change it, and one T: Nope, we got through the winter without food way to do that is to create systems whereby you stamps this year. That’s another thing, I can’t see doing support yourself. And lots of people try to do it by a trip and expecting to be paid for it. I can see it on a growing most of their own food, or something like short term basis, but most people assume that you’re that, and this is an attempt to support myself, to put going to earn your living on food stamps, and I think out something that people voluntarily give me a return that’s a false assumption. It’s . . . indecent exposure! on, and money happens to be the abstract exchange It’s like your not . . . well, you guys are in this situa­ that seems in this case to work pretty well. We don’t tion, so it’s like I’m . . . get enough of it, maybe, but on the other hand it

14

them to the village, and you’re able to sell, you’re able to clear a profit so you can survive. At what point does agribusiness take over nursery production, and you folks arc wiped out? Which is to say that that as a political vision does not seem .. . I mean you were saying that that’s a model for you? You know, low scede self-sufficiency, or like people raising their own produce .. . Well it seems that it is as vulnerable as any occupation in this culture.

T: Well, it’s also weird that you’re expected to work to make a living.

A: Well, I feel that way.

T: . . . and that their goal is 100% employment. God everybody has to have a job?

A: Well, but how is that different from what you were saying? Because for yourself you feel that is real important.

T: Well, I see it as necessary for people to spend their time doing interesting and growth-related things, and I realize that jobs are mostly . . . but there’s no excuse for laziness! (pause) Really, it’s true!

A: Well, I think that laziness is revolutionary in this culture, myself. I sure do. I think that being an unpro­ ductive member of society is . . .

T: Well, where is it going? It’s not going anywhere.

A: Well, that’s all right. This society is hooked on productivity. It’s like saying NO to the American economic system. Nooo, that’s not going to be fore­ most in my mind. If I’m doing something that I like and that happens to be productive, that’s fine . . .

T: But you can’t just say NO, you have to say VEGETABLES, and then get out and . . .

A: No . . . Oh, there’s a goldfinch. Look!

C: That’s precisely it. If people are lazy, if what you call lazy is stopping and looking around and seeing how things aren’t right and stopping to hear new voices, that’s productive. You know, it’s getting much closer.

Like there are times when I’ve just sort of slowed down to a total halt, you might call it a little psychotic epi­ sode. I slept 18 hours a day, cause I was working through all the stuff in my mind. I couldn’t do any­ thing else but that . . . I guess I don’t believe in laziness.

A: I think that laziness can be extremely productive . . . But I think that corporate laziness is inexcusable; sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day, with a secretary to do all your work for you. There’s absolutely . . . Those people should be put on a work farm.

T: But how do you decide that?

G: Put on food stamps!

C: I know that. I look around, I can see, I do a lot A: Yeah, they should have to get food stamps! more productive work than most people do, I work in C: They should have to go through the grocery line, the orchard, I work in the garden. and have the clerk look at them funny, (pause) That’s T: It’s just that most of the people I see in line at the funny coming from me, cause I work almost neuroti­ food stamps I don’t feel are productive. cally. I feel real edgy if I don’t have some work to do, C: But not more than people who are working; I but I resent the thought that because I’m not making mean the negative productivity of the rich is just out­ a lot of money . . . Like if it weren’t for food stamps, rageous . . . what would I do.

T: I won’t argue with that.

T: Right.

C: ... I mean much better that you should be laid C; No, really. back on dope than bomb villages for $20,000 a year, T: But you are doing something, even besides food I mean “I’m earning my way, I bomb peasants.” stamps.

A: One thing that bothers me- thirty years ago you C: But 1 can’t live on $880 a year without. . . could have been small farmers, say in that you have an T: But say there was no money, what would you do? act together so as to get by. You grow your crops, you A: No money for everyone? take them down to the roadside stand, or you take T: Yeah, no money. hasn’t become any kind of an obsession.

T: It’s really satisfying to be able to do even $ 12 or $20 a day, and then go to the grocery store with half of it.

C: The part of the ethic that you’re pushing about food stamps that I take exception with is not what you’re doing with it, I mean you are doing what you want to do; and you have self respect about it. It’s people who don’t pursue their fantasies because it won’t get them enough to go on, so they continue to do work which is alienating; where if they swallowed what I think of as just pride about the food stamps, it gives them some space to do things which really are creative.

J: And that actually even helped, because when we first started doing this, and even the second year, if it hadn’t been for food stamps, we wouldn’t have been able to do it, really, because that’s what we ate off of during the year we were doing it.

T: And I’m nonetheless at the end of the line, any­ way, because whoever I live with has always got food stamps, and they always spend a phenomenal amount on groceries. I can never catch up. For me to go spend that much, an equal amount in money, on food, I couldn’t ever do it. So I actually live on them anyway.

But I don’t understand why we should be able to eat for free, and other people in the world don’t get to.

C: But I don’t see why I should not eat.

T: But why should you eat for free, why?

C: But I’m a contributing member of society, I have a right to cat.

15 T: Oh my god, that’s a long time.

A: Well, then we’d all he in the same boat, we’d cooperate or barter or something.

C: Once in a while; mostly 1 find 1 spend less on food T: So what would you barter, you’d barter art, or food with the plav money than I would otherwise. . . teaching techniques . . . you wouldn’t go hungry.

T: Yeah?

A: It’s not . . . that seems unrealistic to me. There’s C: It’s unimagineable that 1 would spend money for not going to be no money, I mean there may be no food. When 1 run out of food stamps, I don’t buy any money, but there’s not going to be no food or no more. And you figure, we get $46 a month per person. housing or no . . .

But then when you figure the number of people who C: But if there was no money, then all the wealth feed off our two foodstamps, that’s getting down to of the world wouldn’t be cornered by all the rich about a third of what Americans spend on food per people, right? And then you wouldn’t have to . . . person. I don’t feel that’s too . . . yet it’s still ten times T: What is wealth, it’s just this thing they made up. what Asians cat; and I’m also aware if they stopped giving you foot! stamps, that we could cut down a A: This isn’t an interview, this is a debate. whole lot.

C: Oh, it’s great copy. I keep thinking, the hell with A: Maybe we should talk more about the green­ the argument, as long as it’s good copy. house; I’m feeling like, goodness, we’ve only got a few A: Yeah, but we can’t illustrate it with pastoral minutes, we got off the outline. photographs of geraniums . . . maybe hammers and C: Would it be neat to have a list of the stuff you’re sickles. growing?

C: We could put his picture, with the caption, this T: Yeah. man has just eaten a food stamp brownie . . . I’m A: Oh, yes . . . like all those . . . blue lace plant, almost a charter member of the food stamp club, I have you sold any of that? haven’t spent any money on food since 1969.

T: No, I haven’t sold one yet.

PI-A A IS .1 / MOUNTAIN FLOWER, JACK & TODD'S STAND. Annuals: African Daisy, Ageratum, Alyssum, Aster, Bachelor Button, Begonia, Black Eyed Susan, Blue Lace Flower, Browallia, Calendula, Dahlia, I irecracker Plant, hour O Clock, Amaranth, Ilelictrope, Impatiens, Geraniums, Larkspur, Lobelia, Marigold, Nasturtium, Nigella, Nemesia, Periwinkle, Petunia, Phlox, Portulaca, Salpiglossis, Scabiosa, Snapdragon, Snow On the Mountain, Star o f Texas, Stock, Verbena, Zinnia Perennials: Anemone, Candy Tuft, Canterbury Bells, Carnation, Columbine, Cockscomb, Mountain Bluet, Chinese lAintern, Coreopsis, Dianthus, Dusty Miller, Forget Me Not, Foxglove, Gaillardia, Gloriosa Daisy, Heliopsis, Lambs Ear, Lupin, Lysimachia, Painted Daisy, Pinks, Oriental Poppy, Santolina, Sea Pink, Shasta Daisy, Spiderwort, §weet William Vegetable Starts: Asparagus, Broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, Cabbage, Cauliflower, Eggplant, Kale, Onion, Sweet Peppers, Hot Peppers, Tomato Herbs: Basil, Borage, Calendula, Chamomile, Catnip, Chervil, Chives, Dill, Fleabane, Lemon Balm, Marjoram, Oregano, Lavender, Parsley, Peppermint, Rue, Spearmint, Sage, Sorrel, Summer Savory. Thyme

16

ing have to be thankful for their jobs and can’t lose them at such a critical period in our lifetime. I would be unemployed, alas if my father wasn’t in business for himself for I have no skill just am a common worker. And they are a dime a dozen but I want no more from life. I don’t want a college education or big job.

I am happy if I was a butler or house-boy for some­ It’s hard to write of the many things that happened one somewhere.

I have been working for my father for me and many others at the Midwest Gay Pride Con­ for two years andBut one month and it is my life. I know ference in Iowa City last April. There was so much. no other.

I’m not about to leave for I’m not the type Over 400 people from all over the country showed up, that can survive in any city strange land. I have hard shared meals together, exchanged ideas and energies at enough of a time making it or here.

I wish 1 had a lover the many workshops, readings, and dances. Particularly some Gay friends not just for sex but for friend­ exciting for the RFI) collective in Iowa was the large and But alas there are none that know of me or those number of country queers who came and shared with ship. that are don’t want me, in other words they are cliquish us their feelings, opinions, criticisms of RFI). and I’m not invited. You sec the Gay people there are There was much discussion, not only of how the in this area are not truly Gay people for they don’t various groups of people who work on layout and publi­ reach as I do. They are snobs and those and all the cation could more effectively communicate and build closet out cases drive their wives around drop her off trust, but of how every reader who is RFI) could put with the kidswho and go out, well I’d just as soon mastur­ more input into the magazine and effectively reach bate at home than go out with them. They are not real other gay folks in their own areas. It was generally felt Gays as we are. There open bars in town and the that RFI) could serve as a forum for making contacts nearest one 70 miles toarcthenowest is most unfriendly so between people in a knowledge and resources type I’d never go there for all the times I ever went there I exchange. It is necessary for country queers to build a was never picked up or looked at once. community with our common bonds of rural, alterna­ ever in this area I would like to see all of tive identification. Yet we also need to keep in touch you.If you’re You’re always welcome with me. with those people who choose to or must live in the In Gay harmony and city and are of like minds. There is work to be done in Gay love, both places. Our individual social revolution begins Rick Dezen wherever we are at the moment. For those of us who 22 Sunset Drive choose to work in the country, there it means we learn Cumberland, MI) 21502 how to survive with the land, that we bring up children in a non-oppressive environment, that we offer our­ selves as a refuge for friends who need to escape from the pressures of city life, and most importantly, that we don’t lose contact with others elsewhere in the country and the city who arc working toward the goals of a free, cooperative society. RFI) is a means to keep that contact going.

Uaov^ SfeucioelL mojjc So far this seems to be more of a lot of fancy WtAofliint -Avowee uAa. rhetoric that we’ve all heard. The question is then, how to go about doing it. How do we effectively com­ y rs *5ou*e uu«Jte*Vow*»^ 4 municate to others the struggles and changes we arcgoing through in our personal lives, so that our insights com <x might be of benefit to others? For each of us individu­ ally it means that we read what others have written oZer+KeM. (c ~Lso'') —c U ' r about how they are doing it. Also, to sit down next to that window, put the pen in hand, and write, draw, paint and sing what we do in our lives. Create, and share that creation with others. Put it in an envelope “ -u “ n and send it to your friends, send it to your lovers, W k. >*. -W .

JU-seui. gurus, comrades, hitch-hikers, high-steppers, anyone.

Send it to RFI). Let’s tell each other what we’re doing.

W OoeJUoJL t ; W e ace R cjJ ^ Ollie dtfuk a xMcdi leo e, I just read your plea of February 12, 1975, over again. It has sat in my box of mail to answer and this cx\V -w upW > Wxoe. «ucxxW£L is the first time I’ve answered it and you know that alas. -so Ao vV KW ^ I will send you a donation just as soon as I can muster -TTUucVuw/... * up some dollars of a nice presentation. It is hard espe­ -sewA -it lc o e, cially the way bills are so much and even to work and ~T ccua. . sxJu. vavwcc, buy your lunch every day and dinner twice a week RFt>-= P,mcT)***®^ A 0 leaves me with very little extra cash. We have over 20% unemployed in this town so you know what we artgoing through. It has got to the point where the work­

17 I am the sole gay member of a thanks for all the copies of RED, we really love commune of 12 adults and 2 children. We communally them out here, at least those of us who come from the own 80 acres in Plainfield, \ ermont. We arc committed country—there’s something in this “from the country” to organic gardening (214 acres will be planted in vegies that can be explorer! further. I mean we all live this year). We heat our 4 houses and 2 cabins (we built inthing the city, are all good friends and yes, we all grew up them ourselves) with wood to the tune of 25 cords a in the ci*intry. means something not just our year! We have planted a small orchard. The New Ham­ backgrounds, butThat the country has changed or shaped burger is a total income sharing commune. This means our personalities so that we fit still well together. And that everyone’s total income goes into a common pot another thought: taken as a group we are certainly the out of which all expenses are paid. We all eat together, feminists among the city gays.

In fact, I can’t think of but have our own rooms and/or houses. We arc com­ a feminist gay in Adelaide who hasn’t spend consider­ mitted to the sane development of our land, heading able time in the country.

So now I must be saying toward self-sufficiency. Right now we all work partsomething about the urban shaping of masculinity or time on outside jobs to bring in funds. Some teach, machismo I suppose. But that also means something there is a physical therapist and a carpenter, a bluegrass positive for the influence of our rural experience upon singer, and one who makes musical instruments. We our attitudes. also staff a local food co-op, as well as communally for a decent time 1 have been trying to find a new support an organic applesauce cannery and an alterna­ name, not to replace my given name but to show my tive organic catering service. This year we also plan to relationship is other than to my father and his fathers grow beets and cabbage for the co-op. We have goats, Maybe just to take my mother’s given names may have chickens, dogs and cats, and a calf. Some of us are to suffice, but there is little appealing to choose from. vegetarians, and some are not. As you can see, we are Why choose Ganymede, for instance? Hero or Leander a varied group with many interests —Dance, Theatre, seems even more unsuitable. I guess I’m appealing for and Bluegrass*, Baroque, and Early American music. someone else with greater love of effeminist myths to Although I am the only gay person here and one come up with suggestions. All the*best, of 4 “out of the closets” in town, I am supported by Mab be with you. the group and accepted by the town. However, there Jon Ruwoldt is more to life than passive acceptance. The gays I Doctor Duncan Revolution Bookshop have met up here and elsewhere seem to be removed from or intimidated by the lifestyle I have chosen. I P.O. Box 12 North Adelaide 5006 Australia wonder if there are other brothers who know and want to develop a relationship with the earth, and aren’t We were really excited at getting your 2 magazines afraid of some hard work that isn’t so hard when there and hope that we can be of some use at getting it known here in Australia. are others to enjoy it with. I wonder if the brothers Walt Whitman celebrated really exist somewhere?

As for setting up a commune here as was our original intention (being finally kicked out of the U.S. John David Perkins by immigration)—on leaving England we are now hesi­ New Hamburger, RED 1 tating in choosing Australia because of the isolation Plainfield, Vermont and lack of like minded gays. The gays we do relate to all split lor permanent overseas living. So we feel incredibly isolated but we hope we can find something or of getting it together in the not too distant A Gay New Age Community is now being organized someway far aways.

by Anti-Racist, Anti-Sexist Activists working for non­ Although it probably seems I’ve painted a dismal violent revolutionary social change. We will be traveling picture of Australia it’s getting ofl its urban ass and around the country this summer talking to folks who gay bath houses, clubs, bars to flourish in just want to start living together in a supportive rural envi­ allowing 2 years.

So there’s hope glimmering at long last. ronment. Write us and perhaps we can meet with you All love to you all —readers' brothers and sisters. or your collective about joining together. Our aim is Big Australian and New Zealand hugs. survival, liberation, spiritual growth and healing. Incor­ Don porating organic living and organic farming, vigorous Roger exercise and massage, music and dance, yoga and Sydney, Australia meditation and consciousness raising.

Get it together with some stoned folks and start I’m going back to Montana in a forming communities now. Let us know what you are few weeks to start making preparations for a summer doing and we will try to serve as a clearing house for of^backpacking up and down the western valleys; the communication and information. mountains, forests, scenery are incredible, and that MAY THE LIGHT AND LOVE BRING US whole area of the state, from Missoula up to Kalispel!

TOGETHER. NEW AGE COMMUNITY and down to Darby (all of highway 93, I guess), is charmed and charming and divine; the people arc CLEARING HOUSE mellow, they’d probably treat you like a friend if they c/o Joseph W. Melnyk saw you on the road. So what I’m saying is try it out, RR 2, Box 197 might have fun, we might run into each other, South Salem, NY 10590 you the sky might be blue. Actually I suppose you might P.S. Inquiries will be forwarded while we are even write me at my uncle’s: Tom Larson, c/c Ray’s traveling.

Rock Shop, Box 382, Drummond, MT 59832.

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gone fishing â&#x20AC;&#x2122;cause fie knew we were coming. I he three of us sat around in the yard of his little shack, watching the clouds and holding hands. I he feelings ran deeper than ever before, looking hack on it now, I realize how much more I could have given him during the three years I lived down the road from him in a big farmhouse with my Iriends.

All the people of the black comm units along the deadend road there in Chatham Co. N.C. fell good about us and how we lived. We all visited back and forth lots of times, but Loomis was always special to me.

He is a unique person, a seventy-six year old black faggot beekeeper lived around there all his life. Worked all over the farms, woods, and fields, for pennies a day when he was young, disjoints are swollen from arthritis now, but he gets around pretty well. It is very special for both of us to look deeply into each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eyes across the distances of age, race, and class, feeling such deep love in such a beautiful setting.

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When I told him we wanted to take some pictures of him for a magazine, he asked, “What does it say about suckin’ peter?” We both laughed.

Loomis can’t read at all hardly, but when I showed him a copy of RFD #3, he looked through at the pictures and smiled with interest. He probably gets lonely a lot, I don’t think he has any regular partners there, but he’s respected, and everyone helps him out.

Many times I think about his life there and marvel at the bond between us. I’ve thought about what it would be like to stay there with him, but I know that my changes are else­ where. The people of my community have moved to Tennessee, and soon I will rejoin them leaving Loomis m his community with his people. Despite the distances between us, I know that we will always care for each other, and I will never forget him.

Milo

Summer came as a surprise that year.

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the Ramsey’s old World War II vintage chicken coop, reading ancient Pogo comics that some mysterious person had stashed in an old shed; and, later in August, playing jungle in a stand of tall ragweed and snitching grapes from the Johnson’s arbor.

It was good playing with them, but we had done much the same thing last summer. 1 was getting tired Walking home from third grade across vacant lots about the time of Memorial Day, 1stopped suddenly, of Diane’s insistence on playing Doctor which involved ii was sunny and warm, birds were singing all around, me giving her shots on her behind. I wanted something else. I was alive and it seemed as if they didn’t under­ a gentle breeze seemed to come from all directions, stand. bright yellow flowers were blooming around the So 1 took to going off alone, exploring our side of nearby houses, shouts and cries of unseen children the riverbank up and downstream. I found the old playing softball were drifting from somewhere. I stone railroad bridge across the river one day. It must stopped and listened and smelled and felt. Quiet, standing still I felt the sun on my body, looked down have been all of four blocks away, but it became the bridge to my private world. All along the river on the at my still pale skin, felt the blood rushing from my other side was the property of the brick factory and heart to head to feel and back. I’m alive and it’s then towards where we lived was a large park-like cow summer! Joyously I ran and skipped home to find pasture. I began a search of this unchartered territory my mother in the back working in her flower beds. alone.

Summer. My father had already mowed the lawn a For a ways there was an old gravel and cinder road few times and the fruit trees had already blossomed which followed the river high up on the bank. There where had I been? were trees and overgrown shrub on both sides of the Soon school was over, Irecdom came, and new road. Shady and cool in the July heat with clearings adventures began. Behind the orchard and down the hill was the river. The few other neighborhood children where the sunlight filtered through the green, the place my age (all girls) and I played down there most of the was strangely exciting. It was so quiet that the crunch time in the huge willows, making secret meeting places, of my shoes on the road seemed to be an intrusion on the specialness of this place. Never did I see or hear pretending to be explorers blazing trails through the another person there. wilderness, having Mickey Mouse Club gatherings in

Then 1 found the mattress.

Perched on the bank between the road and the river were the remains of an old shack. Immediately 1 decided that hobos or some sort of exotic creature had built the place a long time ago and maybe still came there. And the mattress. It was old of course, lumpy, smelly and stained, and was lying in one of those sunfilled spots. I laid down on it, relaxed, and tried to understand it better. Tm alone, I thought, away from my parents, from my brother, from my friends. I can do whatever I want, And I want to be here naked. 1 began to tremble inside at that thought. What would happen if someone came along and saw me? What would happen if. . . but the desire grew, in spite of my fears. Slowly I took off my clothes and settled somewhat uneasily back into the mattress.

In the warmth of the sun, my fears that someone would find me turned into a desire for just that. But that someone I wanted to be another boy, perhaps older, maybe even one of the imagined hobos. Another male to lie next to, to tell secret thoughts to, to look at, to hold and touch his body. I’d always been fasci­ nated by the size of my older brother’s penis, and now I wanted to be able to touch one like his. I laid there and dreamed, not understanding the dreams but enjoy­ ing them. 1 waited all day but no one came. I went home and made up a story about what 1 had done.

All through July, on sunny days, 1 would gather my

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courage and go off to the mattress alone when 1 could get away from my girlfriends. Lying naked on the mattress, I came to know the lumps and the stains.

Came to love them. One day I found a beer bottle and saw that the mattress had been moved. Sordeonc else load been there! Maybe, oh maybe, he would come back and find me and then we could be friends together on the mattress. But not that day.

In early August 1 went again. The mattress was gone.

Gone! What happened? I searched all around and found a couple more beer bottles. But the mattress was not to be found. 1 couldn’t believe it. Then, suddenly I became afraid again. They know about me. They know what 1 am thinking, what 1 want. I went home quickly and did not go back that summer.

School began, fall was approaching. My summer feelings/thoughts were pushed back into a corner of my mind and the mattress was soon forgotten. The next summer I went there once, but the place and 1 were somehow different. The excitement of the previous summer just wasn’t there. I never went back.

And now I wonder if the shack has completely disappeared or if maybe a new mattress has appeared, brought by those mysterious persons for their mysteri­ ous reasons. I wonder if I went back . . .

Jacob

a group of us before the war went out into a valley with ourselves and with many animal friends and still more animals there to meet setting up our pretty civili/.aiion and remaining there for several generations breeding inwardly among our friends the various families that we loved and when we came out and into the post-war world all the people were amazed: we were covered with hair many of us were on hooves some with four legs, some with two some with six tits, some with eight most had tails a few had fins one had three eyes and someone’s child had just been born with a tiny pair of downy brown wings a world after a war has seen many things though most people claim they’ve seen nothing at all they stood before us stagnant gawk-eyed and astounded at just our little bit of magic once so common, now so seldom encountered: it’s so easy, we all called gavin dillard

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s

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This is a little thing about potato printing. A humble art. Yet quite serviceable and fun. I am by no means a professional potato artist, but in the year or so since I rediscovered it from childhood, potato printing has served often and well. Unlike woodblock or etching plate, a potato allows just so much intimacy.

It wears out quickly, compared with other printing processes, and shrinks when left out. It doesn’t tolerate complexity. Yet I’ve been pleased to create effects far more sophisticated than the usual play-school panache.

(See covers, RFD 1 Sc 2).

So let me suggest you try potato printing for your­ self. You will need a potato sliced longways and flat­ ways, a #1.1 x-acto knife (available at art supply, drafting supply and stationery stores) or some such very sharp, pointed knife, India ink and a stamp pad (easily improvised with folded cloth or paper towel on a small plate).

1. Blot the surface dry and draw on your pattern.

I find a small brush with ink works fine.

2. Cut away all the surface outside the pattern.

3. Stamp the potato block on the ink pad a few times, lightly.

4. Print.

Of course there are refinements, but you’ll figure them out without my belaboring such a simple trip.

You can print stationery, wrapping paper, wallpaper and birthday cards. I’ve used potatoes for illustrations and to decorate handbills and magazine ads. Any of your results, if in black ink, will gladly be reprinted in RFD #5.

L il/o n l on flitVLdile Dear Scott, It’s late afternoon—Sunday, I’ve fled from the cabin and am writing this from the aluminum canoe floating in the man-made pond that is the focus of this lot of land. The click-clack of the electric typewriter mingles with chirping of unknown unseen birds. I envy Allan his knowledge of bird names and plant names, but it is a reminder of my city ways and how inept I am in dealing with the earth. I’ve been meaning to write you these past few days but the magazine is sucking all my time. I had hoped for more time to reflect upon what’s been happening between us and what’s in store in our future together.

Our future together —that phrase makes me feel sad and joyous all at once. Sad from all the letters I’ve been reading these past days from our country brothers aching and hungry for companionship. I want to reach out to all of them —to hold them and to kiss them and tell them that someone is here —listening and caring, but I know I can’t and I feel so inadequate. Joyous because I know that you are at home waiting for my return —thank god for that. I miss you and long for our sleepy embraces, to feel your soft cheek against mine, to entwine our bodies into one.

Milo and Peter arc here from their Tennessee moun­ tain home, Mark from West Virginia, Keith from his Carolina coastal town, Allan from Wolf Creek, Oregon and me from Baltimore via San Francisco via New York City and wondering—do I fit in? A city faggot-who am I to comment on the trials and tribulations of goat keeping. Do I have any right, from my storehouse of experiences, to empathize with the loneliness of my country comrades who are so much braver than myself.

Maybe that’s why my eyes are dry when they yearn to weep.

Still—Allan says he needs me and appreciates my voice. We are a family. We eat, sleep, laugh, feel and are joined together in common purpose. We are buoyed by a thousand spirits in the woods, on the mountains, by the sea, in the desert and yes in the cities waiting for R H )#4. I hope we don’t disappoint them.

All the reading is done, the manuscripts and letters discussed and chosen. The typing continues—there’s talk of dummies and layout sheets and print size and reductions. I’ll be home when I can.

Loving you, J e ff

My summer is happening in wonderful ways. The last days 1 spent in Greensboro were full of railroads and rose gardens and many new faces. Really. 1 can think of nothing more wonderful than meeting new people and simply sharing togetherness. And 1 must say howdy to my new-found-friend George in Greens­ boro knowing you makes me so very verv happy.

Being here in McLeansville working on RFD #4 really feels divine. It is such a sharing experience.

Getting to know people by living and working with them feels so right, and here it is working so well. With all the work to be done, still there is time to sit and discuss the hopes and highs and fears we’re all knowing.

The time we spend reading and discussing the loads of material we have been sent to work with is especially good. However, none of us enjoy playing critic and judge in having to finally decide what will or will not be published. In essence, we can reject nothing we receive. Everything is a true treasure, simply because it represents contact and communication.

Keith

What am I doing? Well now thats a really hard question for me to answer if I think about it! If I follow my feelings its simple —i’m doing what i need to do. To help my head out of the mess i’ve gotten it in. I m not much more of a mental and physical wreck than most of us in this day and time—I know and feel the conditioning—the oppression —we’ve lived with.

And know that it takes a lot to work out just a tiny bit of it, and not just that in this life alone. My only sane point of reference is right now! Right now what are you doing???? I feel i ended up in the country out of pure luck, not through some carefully thought out plan. I also feel a lot of people right now are finding there spaces to be —not just in the country—wherever you happen to be. The time is right now. The chances are right now. And this magazine this feeling is just one part of the whole. I get real frustrated when I try to separate this experience from all the other happen­ ings today . . . i start comparing and judging and won­ dering what the future (what’s that?) will bring.

I have really opened up to a lot of my deepest feelings working here on RFD. I am becoming aware of the oppression I’ve felt for so long. I am unfolding.

Peter R obin

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. For everyone dances and does nothing but dance; living and dancing are one and the same thing; indeed each thing is finally no more than a specific dance; the dance is the thing. Dancing is the subtle word for living and it is only by dancing too that one can discover anything. One must approach dancing, lie who has not understood that will never know anything about anything . . . ” Jean Dubuffet

When people ask me what I do I sometimes tell them (reluctantly) that I dance. And if they respond to that at all it’s usually with “Oh, what company are you with?” And then I shift around a little and mumble something about not being performance oriented. Or they’ll ask “Who do you study with,” and I’ll make some attempt to explain about a couple of my friends who teach dance classes that I go to. Or they’ll ask what I “plan to do” with my dancing or if I’ll ever be able to make any money at it, and I’m reminded one more time of how much our culture values the product over the process and how loaded the word dance is with countless connotations and associations. I wish I didn’t have to use the word at all. Sometimes I don’t use it.

Sometimes I call what I do movement improvisation, but even that has many different meanings among dancers. Or I call it creative movement, which always sounds somewhat lame or pretentious.

How can I describe this thing that has been so central in my life for several years now? There’s really no way, of course, because its very essence is radically opposed to language and rational thought and the perceptions that language creates. (“The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon.”) For me, dance is one of the tools for “stopping the world,” for helping me to enter the eternal present, letting each moment be fresh and new, exploring the infinite universe, making endless

discoveries, untainted by anything I’ve ever been told about the nature of things. It’s like what Walt Whitman says about trusting nothing but your own experience.

It’s my favorite kind of play and also my favorite kind of work. Both. Nothing more enjoyable, nothing more serious for me. It’s immeasurably therapeutic, of course, but I don’t like to focus on the benefits only. They just seem to come about as by-products of the creative efforts. And therapy is another loaded word anyway.

So I still haven’t told you what I do or what I feel when I dance. The only way you’ll ever really know is if you do it yourself. And I’d love to see that, because, besides dancing myself, one of my greatest joys is help­ ing other people find enjoyment in their .own movement.

I won’t really be satisfied until I see everyone in the world dancing. But I might settle for just a few other faggots to share it all with.

Etc. etc. and so on and so forth blah blah blah. Any­ way, a few days ago I went outside in the morning and walked back behind the bam, through the gate, onto the old grass-grown road that runs across the hillside. It felt like a spot I might like to spend some time moving in. So I started stretching and bending and twisting and flopping around a little to “wake up some movement feeling,” as one of my most admired teachers, Barbara Mettler, would say, and then I started listening to the air flow past my ears as I was swinging up and down

and around, swooping down to touch the grass. And 1 estingly, always considered the best dance bars in town) and professional dance companies. Almost .universally, played with making some shapes with my body in space, then spending some time listening for a move­ bars provide gay men’s only dance experience. I’m ment impulse to begin in one part of me and letting it thankful we at least have that, and vet after having travel through the rest of me, and then experimenting tasted the unbounded possibilities of movement with leaping down the long tire tracks of the road, and improvisation, the dancing in bars seems like such a pitifully narrow band in the spectrum of dance. The then standing out of breath for a moment with my range of movement experience is severely controlled arms crossed over my chest and feeling my heart pounding, and rocking gently from side to side with and/or codified, very strictly limited by small space, certain kinds of loud music and a highly charged social that rhythm as I watched the trees swaying against atmosphere. 1 can enjoy it once in a while. When 1 find the windy grey sky. myself becoming bored with it I challenge my self to Rain began spitting down a bit. and I found my hands dragging down across my face, and when they find more ways of moving in that situation, more things came off there was a new expression on it my face to do with that kind of music and the people around muscles were in a different place. So 1 held them there me. Limitations often help produce a lot of growth, but and let my body move in a way that seemed to match strobe lights and mirrors usually create irritation rather my face. I wiped it off and left a new one and moved than ecstasy for me. Loud music hurts toy ears, and I again. And I did that for quite a while, making masks hate the smell of cigarette smoke and amyl nitrate, and to dance with, until the rain came harder and 1 ran to it all seems more desperate and destructive than joyful the barn and continued dancing there, watching the and creative. As for professional dance companies, a rainy forest hills through the open door, noticing how great percentage of the men in them are gay, but most I felt about moving on that w'oodcn floor, how this of them don’t consider their sexuality as a central, new environment influenced my movements —more deeply influential factor in their lives. And almost all playful now, more stamping and flinging and turning. professional dance, as well as dance in bars, takes place And when I got tired I rested and watched the rain a in cities and reflects urban life.

I find it impossible to separate my dance involvement while longer and then went into the house. And that was fairly typical of the way I like to work. Sometimes from my self-identification as a faggot. It’s revolution­ it’s much more frivolous and light-hearted, and some­ ary? for anyone to devote a major portion of their time times it’s very deep, carrying me into worlds beyond to dance in this culture. Perhaps for women it’s not quite such a radical activity, because they have always description. But it’s always full of surprises.

So what was I doing that morning? What good was been allowed more emotional and expressive use of their it? What did it communicate? What did my dancing bodies, possibly stemming from the assumption that express? If someone pressed me for answers I guess I’d biologically women are more inextricably bound to their bodies. Until the very recent days of more wide­ have to say basically that the morning’s dance as a whole had something to do with expressing celebration spread birth control and abortion and ideas about feminist/Iesbian separatism, women’s roles have been of the spot in the road and celebration of me being alive that morning in the country. But 1wasn’t trying biologically defined. But men’s dance is even more revolutionary, because men arc expected to be the to communicate anything to anyone else. I dance because I like the way it makes me feel. 1don’t do it workers, the breadwinners (ignoring the validity and value of all the hard work women have always done in for someone else’s benefit. Oh, there are times and places for honing skills and performing in the presence this culture). It is more threatening somehow to see of other people. But how interesting would it be to men enjoying their bodies through movement for its watch, how convincing would it look if I didn’t know own sake, rather than serving some respectable utili­ how to enjoy it myself? My favorite way of thinking tarian purpose, innocently enjoying the body, producer about performance is as a kind of sharing, especially of feelings and emotions themselves, such unmanly among other people who like to dance. (Who else can things to exhibit. Men dancing together form an even even begin to appreciate what I’m sensing as I move?) greater threat, and men dancing together with any kind Dance in the western world has degenerated into a pri­ of affection or eroticism create the greatest threat of marily visual art, something for us to watch profes­ all. sionals do on a two-dimensional proscenium arch stage. What about the prominent male dancers in our No longer is it a felt experience in which all people can culture? It seems that we can support only a very small participate. One more spectator sport. number both economically and psychologically. We Dance is the language of awareness. Human bodies, have token dancers in the same way that smaller groups their movements, and their shapes and postures (which within the society have token blacks, women, and are formed by their movements) arc more immediately, faggots. Ixt Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly and Rudolf potently expressive than words or any symbols or repfe - Nureyev do our dancing for us. We can tolerate them, sentations could ever be. Dance is not an interpretation let them amuse us, provide us with some kind of or a translation of life; it’s the experience of life itself. vicarious release. And, of course, their dancing is People who understand this can share the experience almost always heavily tempered by plenty of female together. They can speak to each other with movement, partners to help keep the homosexual ghosts at bay exchange energy' with each other, and celebrate life in and holy heterosexuality intact.

When 1 began dancing at the University of Arizona and through their bodies. I wonder if faggots will ever grasp that for themselves, touch that magic and power I connected very luckily w "n .. ise teacher, Sue Pfaffl.

Within an hour in her first class she had managed to with each other.

I see only two places where dance and male homo­ lead me into an astonishing revelation Idled movement sexuality intersect at the present time: gay bars (inter­ experience. 1 was stoned for days. This was it. Why

hadn’t I been doing this all my life? 1 realized in a flash28cally contracted muscles in our lower backs, at least that dance could be the means of going beyond self- partly for the reason that movements of the pelvis, so consciousness tied to my body. I had always thought closely connected to genitals have been grossly inhib­ that dance would only enhance nervousness about my ited. (Try having a totally satisfying orgasm while arch­ body (one-two-three, point your toe, and does it look ing your back.) And that’s only the most blatant of pretty, am I doing it right?). But through improvising, examples. The same kinds of things exist throughout focusing on letting the impulses come from inside our bodies. Fortunately it’s never too late to begin to somewhere (how “much of that first year did I spend reverse the process through various kinds of body work dancing with my eyes closed?) 1 felt good about my and a creative approach to dance. body for the first time in my life. I was the kind of skinny kid who got C+’s in gym class and nearly died there in the competitive macho jockworld. No one ever told me that there were ways for me to enjoy my body, without straining and exercising and fighting and com­ paring myself to everyone else. No one ever told me that coordination and sensitivity and expressiveness counted for much of anything. Consequently, when I began to dance I suddenly felt strong, empowered. Here was something I could do, and I could do it well, simply because that meant doing it in my own way, meeting no one else’s standards.

I felt almost guilty for a while for perpetuating a stereotype, that all male dancers arc gay. But I see it quite differently now. What man is readier than a faggot to break the shackles placed upon his body?

Who more willing to enter forbidden territory? Who more able to explore a traditionally female activity?

For a long time 1 was virtually the only male in any class or dance session 1 attended. When more men at the university finally started to dance 1 was somewhat relieved, since 1 no longer felt the burden of often being expected by female dancers to move in maleways (whatever those are) and having to put up with comments like “It sure would be nice to have more men to provide more yang energy.” (As if the women couldn’t provide it themselves.)

Socially produced movement inhibitions begin forming immediately after birth, and they are inex­ tricably involved with rigid sex role definitions. A What about cultures which are more vitally connected friend of ours told us that one day in the park when with the earth? In these “primitive” cultures it is much he was little his mother turned to him with a bewil­ more common for men to dance. Not very surprisingly, dered look and said, “You know, you’re just like a these same cultures often respect homosexuality as a little girl.” What do you suppose he had been doing valuable form of human experience. In matriarchal that prompted her to say that? I imagine that he was cultures, such as the Hopis, the men even have the walking on tiptoe or skipping or playing around with major responsibility for performing most dance rituals, some kind of soft gentle movements. Entire chunks although it is questionable whether or not they hold of our movement-range get chopped off right and left this control, associated as it is with the men’s directing like that during childhood. Parents and peers insure of the Hopi spiritual life, as some kind of compensation that socially unacceptable behavior in the form of body for the fact that the women hold the property. It’s movement is strictly controlled. Don’t use your body always risky to try to peer into another culture and in any way that feels good or interests you. Make sure sense the meaning in its participant’s lives. It’s difficult it expresses something meaningful. Make sure it leads to avoid projecting romantic fantasies onto another to a useful product. Don’t make a face like that. Don’t group of people somewhere else. I really don’t know move your hands in such a weird way. Don’t walk like anything about Hopi sexuality in particular. Homo­ that -you look like a sissy. Don’t experience your sexuality may not be a viable part of Hopi culture, as body. Don’t experiment with it. Don’t let your move­ it is with many other primitive peoples, but in many ment awareness (your kinesthetic sense and your sense ways Hopi men do seem like wonderful sissies. (They of balance) help you explore and deal with objects and are notoriously non-violent, and they do all the weaving people just as your other five senses do, although surely too.) Unfortunately it’s very difficult to get a clear they too have been culturally stunted. picture of the true extent of feminism and homosexu­ As a result of this kind of conditioning, most of ality in other cultures since almost all history and which is so subtly pervasive that we don’t even realize anthropology has been written by straight men, who that it happened, our adult bodies move awkwardly and have very little empathy for the forms of human expres­ have the capacity to sense only a certain repertoire of sion which mean so much to us as faggots. I do know movements. Almost all of us, including the most radical that when I’m in the desert I feel close to mystery and faggots and the most dedicated dancers, have chroni­ power. And I identify with the Hopis’ sense of gentle

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reverence for the earth. Often I feel compelled to move could find value in this experience, being so burdened in some ritual way, dancing for joy when the rains as they all seem to be with the “I’m uglv and worthless" come, dancing solemn watchful patterns as the desert syndrome caused by so much internalized oppression. awakens at dawn, dancing in honor of simple miracles More than any other activity, dance makes me feel plants growing, days passing, water running. good, makes me feel whole, makes me feel like a living It's also very interesting to me to think about male thing, like a healthy member of the world community shamans. In cultures in which this role exists, the of beings. Dance re-minds us. The Zunis sav. “We dance shaman is healer, artist, and religious figure all in one. both for pleasure and for the good of the city.”

He is the person most in touch with honored states of In the country the experience is further intensified. consciousness and the powers associated with them. He In the country I feel support, protection, comfort. deals with the true nature of reality, expressing it When I’m in the country I find that I’m much more through art, reminding people of it to help heal them, likely to move as l want to, rather than as someone else leading the worship of it. How do shamans get in touch wishes. A great amount of my energy is freed because with what it is they know? Interestingly enough, sha­ I don't need to expend so much of it protecting myself mans are quite often gay. Almost by definition, that (often unconsciously) from real and/or imagined threats gives them one foot out the door, a way to step outside in the city. My reality is no longer defined by other of their cultures’ values and perceptions (often loaded human beings. Plants and animals accept me as 1 am. with sexism) and enter into other visions, other worlds. And everywhere I look I see movement, rather than concrete immobility and rigidity. 1 sec that life is move­ Dance is essential as a means of attaining these per­ ceptions, sometimes allowing the shaman to transcend ment. Even on the cellular, molecular and atomic levels his personality and reach a trance, in which the shaman everything in the world moves. may realize truths about the nature of reality, and sometimes his dancing is powerful enough to break up the binding perceptual framework normally used by the shaman’s patients/observers. In the language of astrology the planet Uranus has traditionally been linked not only to homosexuality, but also to revolu­ tion, spontaneity, creative genius, and healing powers.

Is there any historical precedent for gay men dancing together? There is some evidence. Arthur Evans, in his series of articles on witchcraft as gay counterculture, now being published in Fag Rag, has brilliantly indi­ cated the importance of gayness in the pagan nature religion of ancient Europe, continuing into the Middle Ages. Dance was most certainly a major part of the rites of this religion, just as it was in the Dionysian celebra­ tions earlier in ancient Greece. In fact, it seems that the Christian church spent as much energy trying to sup­ press dance, “this evil, this lascivious madness in man called dance which is the devil’s business,” as it did trying to suppress gayness itself. (For information on dance in the Middle Ages, see Chapter 3, “Body and Soul” in Walter Sorrell’s Dance Through the Ages.) We know' that men danced together in “lewd” dances called the kordax and the sikinnis in Greek comedies.

In the pagan “witches’” rituals men who enjoyed their gayness danced and feasted and sang along with the rest of their community. As for other instances in which we find that men danced together, we can only dream about the homosexuality involved. Morris dance in England, for instance was a vigorous but formal fertility dance performed by six men. Or consider the When I dance in the country I hear my breathing as Egyptian picture of two men performing a kind of a very basic element of the dance. Not as something greeting dance. (Dance Through the Ages, pp. 24-25.) interesting to concentrate on and use, but as a promi­ How many such men shared love that we’ll never know nent inevitable feature of the movement of all organ­ about? How much secret communion has thrived isms. The wind is blowing across the field and the air throughout history despite the severest cultural is going in and out of me. I’m an animal. I’m alive. It’s oppression? quiet enough to hear my heartbeat too, and it’s easy When I’m feeling the most ineffectual and over­ to use that rhythm as part of the dancing going on. whelmed by the world, if I manage to get up and start Dancing in the country has many other attractive moving I feel better instantly. For me, every time I characteristics lor me. I often sense myself as the dance from my own inner impulses, it becomes an steward or caretaker in my environment, not only by affirmation, not only of my own worth, but of life attending to physical needs (watering gardens, pruning itself. The introspection, the self-criticism, the endless trees, cleaning up trash) but also by simply caring mind games fade, as the movement gently dissolves my about everything, enjoying it. Dance works as a way self-consciousness. It seems that faggots especially for me to express my appreciation. There’s something

magical about a dancer in his environment, something spring I’ve been teaching an improvisation class for gay about setting everything right. There can be a powerful men through Lavender U., and of course it’s a great exchange ol energy. In return for my love of the space delight for me to see these men catching on to the I have to share. and its inhabitants, my environment provides me with things infinite influences on my movement. And without four In the same way that women have begun to reclaim their bodies from the heterosexist male machine that walls to stop me I enter more completely into flow. that they shut up and make babies (which I’m reminded that dance can happen anywhere at any demands men think is the only thing they can’t do yet by time. I don’t have to go to a studio or gay bar to do it. most As my movement awareness increases I find that the themselves) I wish for faggots to take ownership of sensitivity and efficiency can be applied to everything their bodies, to wake up to the psychophysical torture we’ve allowed. I think we should reserve the right to be I do, and everything becomes a dance. Movement is essential in everything that human beings do. Improvi­ silly sometimes, to giggle, to do what feels good, not only erotically in bed, but in everything we do with sation becomes a way of life, and I try to approach every act in the most creative way possible with the our movements. And I hope we can dare to tryout body movements that may seem undirected, maybe elements at hand.

Dance is found throughout the world as a road to even threatening, even to us (maybe especially to us) ecstasy. Ecstasy as a word can be thought of as mean­ with no goal in sight. Unless we let this kind of dance ing beyond stasis or stillness. Entering into the vibrat­ help us to explore the unknown, we will remain inside ing, pulsating, flowing, changing universe. Joining the our grey shells, moving along the prescribed track, never to emerge, never to come out into ever-brighter cosmic dance. Joining Shiva in the never-ending worlds. creation and destruction of forms.

There are glimmers of hope for men dancing together May we reclaim our bodies from the culture which again in our time. During the earlier days of gay libera­ has tried to possess them for so long. May the deforma­ tions and disfigurements which result from the tension tion people danced in circles in the bars and shared and stress of trying to be what we aren’t be erased. May rebellious exhilaration. In a bar in Portland now there is folk dancing in the early evenings. And on a farm in we restore to ourselves our beauty. May our lifelong movement inhibitions dissolve. May we have strong, Oregon men do Scottish dance with each other as partners, looking each other in the eyes as they pass resilient bodies that move with ease and fluidity. May and turn and fly feeling joyful. In San Francisco this we see each other as this happens and rejoice.

Rob Dobson

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I mutter silently: do the Dusty Miller’s go behind or in front of the Shasta Daisies . . . . Alyssum, alyssum . . . lissome . . . lissome. I wonder what they look like. I wonder if this soil is rich enough. And as I press the tiny bedding plants into their new ground, my thoughts drift: it’s awfully nice of them to give us all these plants, especially when selling plants is their livelihood; I wonder what I could give them in return. I’m feeling just an edge of guilt; perhaps I should offer to pay them for these flowers-to-be. I pause, wondering what I could do for them. And then it strikes me; I already do some­ thing for them when I involve them in country dancing.

1 am a dance teacher. I am a dance teacher. Mramm, that sounds good. I do something that is worthwhile, as worthwhile as growing a plant or working for an employer. I feel good and go back to setting out the seedlings. Alyssum, lissome . . . shasta daisies . . . . * * * * * Many people come to my dance class full ol anxiety. Their bodies are not lithe, but rigid. The men, particularly. Occasionally an athlete will come: he will be terribly awkward. He has learned to move gracefully on the basketball floor, but his grace is cultivated only for that tiny spectrum of acceptable masculinity. Other­ wise he is alienated from his body. The other men, too, are alienated from their bodies. There are more of them, the awkward ones: men, and women too. They have had a dreadful time, probably all their lives. The misfits, the weirdos, the klutzes, the queers.

• I used to wonder why they are the ones attracted to folk dancing, to country dancing. I realize now that many many more people arc misfits than we commonly believe. The body that likes itself, that even acknow­ ledges itself, is probably the exception, not the rule.

But there is a sixth sense they have. They know on some unconscious level that I will not threaten them, I will not degrade them.

And they are right. For I am among them. I got chosen last (or, thank God, next to last, leaving the final indignity to someone I despised even more) when

teams “chose up” at high school gym class. I slouched and leaned, trying to make this big awkward body as small as possible, so my classmates wouldn’t be re­ minded how useless it was in the things which counted: athletics and school dances. When I kept being asked why I held myself as if I had a stomach ache, I might have said: obviously, to cover up my shamelessly queer genitals.

And when I teach, it is instinctively that I reach out to the clumsiest. Encouraging the graceful ones to develop style and skill is gratifying, but the very very special moments arc when joy spreads over the face of a body experiencing flight for the first time. A combi­ nation of a relaxed situation, the compelling airs of country dance music, and my encouraging teaching has managed to pierce the defensive fat, the armored muscles, the limp apathy.

I am not primarily a therapist. 1 hate therapeutic exercises, they remind me of my limitations. 1 am an enthusiast of Scottish apd English country dancing, and 1 have begun to discover that through these eccen­ tric and esoteric dance forms, I have a gift of opening up to both neighbors and strangers the joy and ecstasy that I feel when I dance. * * * * * On a rainy winter morning I pore over Arthur Evans’ articles about witchcraft and the existence of an old religion of Europe which was democratic, affirmative of (homo)sexuality, women, and nature. I don’t much care if it really happened, this culture he describes; I care only that what Arthur has read has helped him to envision a better scheme of things. I notice the pit lure,a ring of fairies dancing in a circle. A few weeks later 1 am scribbling furiously, delving into figures that 1 have danced for 15 years now: circles, reels, crosses. 1 am creating a mock-ethnology of Celtic dances. Surely these wonderful dances must have had their origin in some pre-Christian era. Without sources, without foot­ notes, without doubt I realize that the figures are

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celebrations of how the ancient people loved each other. Sex is one kind of celebration of that, dance is another. That, of course, is why the dancing feels so good: the unspoken tradition of loving has been passed on to us, intact. * * * * * * Months later, I read in the latest FagRag that this academic and that are taking exception to the notion of an Old Religion. I surely hope that faggot historians will find evidence of our antecedents but I do not want to depend on it. Simultaneously, a friend tells me he thinks my Celtic dance-ethnology is on thin ice. I realize that what 1 see in the dance figures is important; whether my ancestors in the British Isles saw the same meanings or not is only interesting. * * * * *

One afternoon in our living room, a half dozen of us revel in the delightful tune on an old 78 phonograph record, the Dorset Ring. We evolve the figures of the country dances, starting from the very beginning.

Holding on tight, we all lean back, making a taut circle.

Each person is cooperating, and each one is vital. By slowly relaxing the tension or increasing it, the circle stretches and contracts, breathing. This surely is the simplest way to express the oneness of us all, the love of the community and how vital we are to each other.

To the music, we move around one way and back the other, keeping that delicate tension which makes the circle perfect.

Occasionally, perhaps, a group finds itself cooper­ ating in that way spontaneously, and that is a rare and wonderful experience. Through the ritualization of the figure (the music determines the rhythm, and the dura­ tion), we can conjure up that joy any time at all.

Magic, surely. * * * * * An evening party in that same room, shortly after my excursion into dance-ethnology. Dance parties here reflect our community: many lesbians, fewer faggots.

It is friendly territory for exploring the social implica­ tions of country dancing. Over a year ago we decided to junk the tradition of heterosexual couples, the men on one side, the women on the other. The removal of that one convention freed us from much of the sexism in country dancing. Tonight, we are exploring further.

The old Playford dance Gathering Peascods takes on new meaning. The dance begins with a circle for every­

one, slipping to the left and back to the right, punctu­ ated by ‘turn single’ (each person turns around in place). I suggest that we think of it as a celebration of the whole community, punctuated by a celebration of each self within the group—a balance of collectivity and individuality. The dance continues with a men’s circle and a women’s circle: a wonderful enactment of our brand of ‘separatism’. The dance continues with the ingenious geometrical democracy of country danc ing: if the men circle before the women the first time through, then the women’s circle preceeds the men’s the second time. These are not new concepts politi­ cally among us. It is our dream. Fairness, enjoying our little valley as one group, and times and places for fostering what is special among lesbians, and what is special among faggots. The non-dancers smile indul­ gently at my offering; the regular dancers glow with an understanding of the simple, deep meaning therein. * * * * *

My companion and I are dancing together at a formal Scottish Ball in the Bay Area. Two men dancing together is a major breach of etiquette. I am not aware until after the ball how much anxiety I feel. We have danced together before, at such events, but tonight the excitement and novelty of it have worn thin, and I understand that the nearly universal reaction among the other dancers is hostility. I am sickened by the rudeness extended us; the coldness from ‘friends’ who have heretofore seemed open to my homosexuality.

There is a party game for which each person is given a tag, and is to dance with someone carrying the com­ panion tag: Troilus and Cressida, Romeo and Juliet, Abelard and Heloise. The four of us from Wolf Creek nervously laugh about Lord Douglas and Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein and Alice B Toklas. I am angered by the realization that I am a second class citizen here despite my dancing skill. I think of the rage that would erupt if only 10% of the nametags included homosexual couples; and I realize how hard it would be to explain the indignity of it all to my straight friends here. And there are always the women sitting out on the sidelines, waiting for men to ask them to dance. I have witnessed this insult to them for a decade. The irony of it, that some of these women are resenting us because when we dance together that diminishes their chances of being asked to dance. Nellie bluntly suggests that they

33 ask each other to dance: it is sad to realize that many people dancing together in a loving and relaxed situa of them find dancing with another woman a less vital tion; for us, it is an avenue to expressing the full mean­ experience, a makeshift second-best. Much later, I find ing of the dances. * * * * * out that some women are discovering new and good The reel or hey is one of the basic configurations things dancing with other women: relaxation, and a of Scottish and English country dancing. There are less competitive spirit. But at the time, the feelings well up into my throat and eyes after the Ball is over, many kinds of reels or heys. What they all have in when one young woman comes up and expresses her common is the concept of weaving, or alternating cycles. And among these reels the most magic of all support for the changes which we are initiating. Will things improve when more of the dancers desire these is the reel of three, alternately called “straight hey for three.” In this figure is all the mystery of the infinite changes? Or will there be outright war? universe. And indeed, the symbol for infinity is its * * * * *

Back at home, even at the weekly class I teach at the local community college, things arc better. After one class, a visiting brother from the city comments on how much of a faggot 1 am when I teach. I glow with pride, glad that the schizophrenic years are over. A w'cek later as I relate this to a neighbor who also dances, she laughs and praises me further: how rare, she says, that a male teacher would try to conjure up the idea of smoothness, by referring to creaming butter for a cake. And she tells me that a friend of hers remarked that ours was the first dance class she’d ever been to that was free of sexism. I am ecstatic.

Part of the ease in the dancing hereabouts is that as a teacher in an isolated area, I am free to introduce this material as 1 choose. 1 do not find it upsetting any longer if a class is composed largely of women; and consequently, they do not find it upsetting either. I ask them to form into groups of eight, rather than couple up first. Not knowing what a taboo it is for women to dance with women, men with men, they are quite satisfied with the arrangement. And it avoids the uncomfortable shuffling around that usually happens the embarassing problem of who will dance on the “wrong” side. (One evening, after a session with six of us all men—one newcomer indicated surprise when he heard that women, too, did this dancing!) And per­ haps best of all, it creates an atmosphere where every­ one assumes she or he will dance; no one sits out and waits to be asked. And from my perspective as a gav person, it removes the one major barrier to enjoying fully the dance form. For the dancing is sensual, physical experience with others -and as such it is not devoid of sexuality. To dance always in heterosexual couples is like always reading novels or watching movies of only heterosexual love. For the straight people in my classes, this is an opportunity for them to see gay

Three people stand at the critical points of the figure: one at the junction and one at each end. Simul­ taneously they dance along the path until they return home; it can be done in the direction indicated in the figure, or it can be reversed.

For reasons which are still mysterious to me, when this figure is danced smoothly to music, it produces profound joy and awe. Together the three dancers weave a pattern, acknowledging each other as they pass, experiencing the childishly simple and yet infinitely complex.

1 see this figure as a celebration of lovemaking among three. Everyone is actively involved throughout, but the focus changes continually: first A is in the center, facing C and with back to B. Then as B moves into A’s original position, they are facing and C is off alone; finally, C rounds into middle place on the way home, and faces B. So carefully balanced, reflecting the joys of loving and being loved by two others. In this ritualized form, it is assumed that no one is rejected, that each will have the central position for a period of time. And most often in the dance, each person alternately begins the reel from a different position. Is it conceivable that the originators of the dance did not experience jealousy? That they were innocent of competition? Or is this dance form a cele­ bration of having overcome the barriers to love?

34 plexity and technical difficulty of these dances, I am Many reels of three exist, each celebrating some new aspect of three (or six, or nine, people together). coming to see them as only one of the joys of the Traditionally, the simplest reel of three celebrates love country dance experience. Certainly it is a testament among three men or women. Parallel reels of three (see to the vitality of the simpler dances, and particularly illustration) speak of the essential similarities of these to the music, which remained intact, that country survived this abuse. loves. In these reels, the three women dance only with dancing And now, when re-connected to the loves which each other, and the men with men; but throughout, you and your counterpart in the other reel maintain they seem so lucidly to celebrate, they again shine in their simplicity. (And while my prime concern is not a constant distance from each other. finding ways for heterosexually-oriented people to relate better, it seems clear to me that our ‘innovations permit a more authentic and voluntary mode of expres­ sion even among a man and a woman.) * * * * * There is some risk in saying that dance forms ‘cele­ brate’ or ‘represent’ something else, anything else. The dancing is intact and self-sufficient—and all the strug­ gling to find proper meaning is only necessary because we have been so brainwashed by our social and sexual conditioning. I believe that these dances are not sacred in some symbolic way —they are not representational of some greater truth. They are that truth, pure and simple. When I dance a reel of three with two of my If parallel reels conjure up the parallel nature of the friends, that act can bring us closer to some state of way men relate and women relate, another set of reels equality and mutual love, as much as any conscious­ speaks of how they are similar but opposite. As in the ness raising group or manifesto. And when our com­ munity dances in a large circle together, we are what the parallel reels, mirror reels also have a men’s and women’s reel going simultaneously, but you and your we dance. counterpart in the other reel arc alternately moving Carl toward or away from each other.

While we have felt it necessary to “abolish” the men’s and women’s designations in social dancing, some of us are beginning to explore these deeper meanings to the traditional sexual divisions, not as roles between men and women but as statements about how men and women are unique, as part of a whole.

While the exact emotional content of pre historic Celtic dancing may elude us, some of the recent history of the dance form is clear. The heterosexual dictator­ ship since the Middle Ages took these simple circles, reels and other figures and choreographed them to fit their own assumptions. One prime assumption was that homosexuality was taboo —and all of the figures were forced into a heterosexual mode, thereby losing whatever meaning they might have had among people of the same sex. The many forms of loving: between men, among men, between women, among women, among large groups - all were suppressed. The simple figures were stripped of much of their social meaning and forced into a sterile obligatory heterosexuality.

The result was a proliferation of extremely intricate ballroom dances, appealing only to the idle rich or the very clever. And while I enjoy immensely the com­

DECEIVED one warm wind wounded me worse than winter ever will . . . an indian summer in december left me trembling in thin linen, with no one to weave me woolens.

Tom Kerr

Paper cutting is among the most ancient and most loved people’s arts. The material needed-paper-and the tool—scissors or a small knife —arc inexpensive and in most places readily available. I oday in our culture paper cutting is usually done by children. The people’s government in China has encouraged paper cutting and there the art flourishes with many regional variations.

Paper cuttings are also popular in Poland and Mexico.

Before the introduction of photography, cut paper silhouettes were a popular form of portraiture. Some­ times these showed only the profile of head and shoulders but other times the whole person was shown, sometimes a whole family. 1 saw a silhouette artist at a crafts fair in West Virginia. Folding the thin paper once, she cut the profile quickly with small sewing scissors.

When done, she had four silhouettes-the two she’d cut plus two negatives44” in the paper she’d cut away. 1he fact that several copies can be made at once is one reason for the popularity of many types of paper cutting.

I’ve done paper cuttings from time to time since an early age. As a child I called them “snowflakes. In the last three years, since moving to the country, my interest in paper cuttings has intensified. I’ve cut hun­ dreds, using always the same fold and the same size paper, an 8” square. Rather than running out of ideas, I am increasingly fascinated by the variety of shapes and forms my scissors find in a small blank piece of white paper.

Many folds are suitable for paper cutting—or no fold at all (Mexicans don’t fold the paper). Here, to get you started, I will describe only the fold I have been using.

Take a square of paper. For case in cutting, use light-weight paper. Fold the paper in half (I). From the center of the fold, fold one side up to form pie-shaped thirds (II). Fold the other side up snugly (111). It’s important that the fold be accurate. With a little prac­ tice it isn’t hard. Trim off the comers (indicated by the dotted line from b to c). Now you’re ready to do the paper cutting. Sometimes I cut free-hand and some­ times with a pencil I draw the lines 1 intend to cut. Use the sharpest scissors available. Long blades might help you get flowing lines. I use paper shears with 6” blades.

I’ve found paper cuttings to be really expressive of the person doing the cutting, so I don’t want to make my instructions too dogmatic. Cut as the fancy takes you and see what happens. Be prepared to do many cuttings and to discard many. If you find something you like in the first cutting, do another, varying the cut to make a design even more pleasing.

Three tips. Don’t cut all the way from ab to ac unless you want to cut your paper cutting in two. That is, if your scissors enter along side ab, they should come out there or along be. If you cut only from side ab, there will be three shapes when you unfold the paper; if you cut from both ab and ac, there will be six shapes.

Probably the paper cutting will be nicest if you cut away about half the paper.

When you arc through cutting, unfold the paper. No matter how many paper cuttings I’ve made, I never can envision what the cutting will look like. Unfolding the paper I’m always surprised. Sometimes I’m delighted.

- Mark

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Without any implied criticism of earlier issues of RFD for their lack of overall political content, I would greatly love to see feedback on these issues in future issues. raygcle Singer Rt. 3, Box 1708 Gee whiz, and its been nice reading RFD, and getting Port Angeles, WA 98362 in touch with so many rural faggots (although, as a determined non-correspondent, it sure is hard to keep up with it all . . .).

Pansies everywhere: beautiful to behold, bright and But one thing really strikes me —politics, in the city bold, cheerful and sweet-scented, feet planted in earth. sense, seems to be almost a verboten field. Don’t get me Really nice to know there are so many spread and wrong; at this point in my life, I prefer the company of spreading throughout the far-flung reaches of the the apolitical rural faggots to many of the urban(ized) continent. faggot revolutionaries who were my comrades. But it So my fancy friends, 1just wanted you all to know docs seem as if we are, at some level, running away that there arc many of us up here in B.C. too. And any from some of the issues at hand —namely, being in­ of you planning on tripping thru Western Canada and volved in a society, thru its sexism, racism and other the Pacific Northwest in the months ahead arc welcome -isms, is harmful to most human existence. I still main­ to stay awhile and use this household as a staging area tain close ties with the Seattle radical community — for roads ahead. Expect to be in and out of town all either when they come out to Elwha to “get away from summer. So, if you can catch us in you’ve got a place it all” or on my periodic forays into the city (and I to stay. Better still, let us know ahead of time. much prefer that it be the former!).

Yours for a joyous summer, I have been criticized, more than once, for abandon­ Celt Grant ing an urban-based Movement, and so I have already 2036 York had to marshall my ideas, thoughts and feelings on the Vancouver, B.C. subject. But perhaps that is only avoiding some of the Canada V6J 1E6 issues. I’m more sensitive now to the degree that people wish to be openly Gay-in Seattle, my closet was non­ existent, as various bruises and black eyes will attest, but in Port Angeles, 1 find that fear makes me less openly Gay; this defeats the purpose of spreading our­ selves out, for to become an invisible minority again I want to correspond with others who may be open simply would undo some of the gains in acceptance, or to rural living in the southeast. After some years of at least recognition, that have been won over the past aiming toward a rural organic lifestyle, and consider­ six years. ing many and various regions, this is it for me.

And is it coincidental that of the three groups of I’m 25, long haired, gentle, intelligent. Intending visitors we’ve had in response to my original article, all to go and visit different people and places, to look for were “couples” in some sense of the word. Now, my where to put myself. Otherwise, I’ll be here in Syracuse, crowd in Seattle is quite uncoupled, although mono­ painting houses and saving up to move, hopefully gamy or whatever one practices isn’t particularly before a full year has passed. Please write frowned upon. But as a rule??? Sure, after living in Bill Som such a straight environment, I too would prefer to c/o S.U.G.S.S. know there’s someone waiting at home to bandage 103 College Place the wounds, or even to simply share the beauty of a Syracuse, NY 13210 full moon with. But, on the basis of not too much evi­ dence, I’m afraid that becoming agrarian, or rural, is I’m very attracted to rural gay life, and 1 would like simply pushing us further back into old patterns of to ask several gay farms about the possibility of my relating. Not that having a gay bar in Port Angeles spending a few months with one of them next year. would help, but meeting, socializing and developing close ties with other faggots on a day-to-day basis John Cantrall would sure help in that area.

801 Cornelia St. Not that I have any specific answers or suggestions, Chicago, 111 60657 but I would like to see a dialogue started in RFD that addresses some of these issues, most specifically the Land is cheap here in the desert and I long for politics/farming dichotomy. I was struck by the another desert rat like me. I have plenty of other amount of contributions to RFD, by those that in the rodents but I need a real rat to satisfy my needs. If past could have been (and usually were) labelled anyone is interested I’ll show them thousands of “Movement heavies.” Is there some special dynamic houses in the desert waiting for some rat that causes these ex-heavies to need to leave the urban empty make a home out of.

Movement and retreat to the country, or are new direc­ to Sincerely with a lot of regard and much love, tions for the overall Movement to come out of this Richard slow changeover? What negative effect does it have on c/o Jupiter’s Moon (the 13th) the urban-based sector of the Movement to have lots 17375 Ford Ave. of us tripped out in the daffodils rather than on the Desert Hot Springs, Ca. 92240 picket line? Do we have some special responsibility to the urban Movement?

37 From brief experiences we know' that the forest is structures. But that docs not mean that all of us should not only beautiful, it is also (as Jay so vividly portrays automatically shut off the possibility of including it) very erotic. Would this beauty and excitmcnt sustain children within the environments we are creating for itself indefinitely? W'ould coping with nature’s discom­ ourselves. It does not mean that we can be cavalier forts soon deglamorize it all? Today we crave to be in deciding to raise children. We have to be sure in our restored by the country, but once there would we (like own minds that we are not dragging a remnant of Lee Mint/.) have a recurrent need for urban renewal? straight social roles into our efforts to build a free, From the experience of other readers we realize that non-ghettoized gay identity. 1 know I would want to the longing for the wild is not just fantasy; it reflects a be sure that the subtle or not so subtle value sentiments real spiritual need. But we arc also junkies of civiliza­ that I would convey in my interactions with a child tion, and cannot make the total break from the careers, weren’t repressive to her or him in the way those of concerts, and just plain crowds that arc the city in us. straight society arc to me. Ami I would want to be Alone in the forest. Would it be enough simply to sure the the long-term responsibilities of child-rearing wouldn’t be oppressive to me. Perhaps those are ques­ share the land with other creatures? Would one not need a human partner? Could one find a partner with tions which every parent does or should ask him/herwhom to integrate his particular lifestyle? sclf, but they seem all the more critical to me as a gay man. It is still hard, much of the time, for us as men . . . some years back 1 obtained fifteen alrcadymuch-loved wooded acres in upstate New York . . . at to build solid, genuinely open and free relationships the inlet of a half-mile pond. Someday I’d like to build among ourselves. Would it be any easier with children? a decent-sized cabin and spend most of my time there, Still the thought lingers. living as self-sufficiently and ecologically soundly as Whether it is innate or ingrained, the capacity to possible. desire a nurturant function does exist in some of us.

I would like to hear from gays (women included, it 1 too have had the experience of being a parent and it should go without saying) especially in the Woodstock- was something that my memory holds dear enough to Saugcrties area. I am sure that 1 could learn a lot from make me consider, from time to time, the possibility them. of undertaking it again . .. 1 don’t know whether my Jim Seymour being gay made it any easier for me to adapt to single­ 260 Riverside Drive parenthood so readily, but I know it didn’t hinder.

New York, NY 10025 Perhaps the time is not right for most of us io begin to raise children. Perhaps we have to free ourselves it is very solitary for me without a soul lover further before we can raise free children. In this we friend who I can be with, withdraw to have much to learn from gay mothers. But if the enor­ myself again, this is not sentimental. mous rush of joy and love that accompanies redis­ I want to learn from myself to flow with covering the world with a child guide is something aches 8c not to bittcrizc because of which stems from parenthood, then perhaps there is them. I’m on the line and hurt something from that institution to be salvaged. It how long can I be hurt without would be difficult. For those of us who are just start­ indulging myself in pain —reject pain. ing to try to free ourselves from city economies, all I suppose I don’t know if I like myself . of the “children and property/children as property” much now as I feel so many painful feelings would have to be dealt with. At the same reaction. To let them move on. just to see. time, maybe we shouldn’t worry as much about the Caring is caring I probably don’t need sexual and role alternatives we would be able to anyone to care about everyone present to our children, as long as they can feel us while this there is ache of I love loving each other and them. You’re damn right, I yous sprawled in sunshine lightness want my kids to be gay. 1lugs, of spirit humaness all turning to i its opposite and I ask * Richard Sullivan, B.C. just like a little kid why.

We sit around the table and wonder who’s out Robert Schelhammer there? Who are we talking to? Are we saying what you 535 Ashbury St. No. 3 want to hear? Do our articles present topics of interest San Francisco, CA 94117 to you? Does our style meet your expectations of what Richard Corbin’s article on gay men and children RFI) should be? What would you like to see in here? really laid me back . . . The thought of raising children What needs to be expanded —what needs to be reduced? with other gay people is something 1 have ‘hought • How can we touch your life more effectively?

Without knowing who you all are, these questions about, but rarely discussed with anyone. I think the unrelinquished but unresolved radical in me said that arc very difficult. We’ve been thinking about a ques tionnairc but the idea of a list of who, why,what, and it was because of a reactionary inability to develop where left some ol us feeling a little uneasy. Yet, it family models outside of the traditional heterosupremacist nuclear family. The thought has lingered seemed the best way of discovering how to reach you.

What do you think? How would you feel about a ques nonetheless.

It may be true that since most of us were brought tionnairc? Please let us know. up within heterosexual patriarchal family structures, RFD alternatives do not seem easy to develop. All of us bear Route 3, Box I 708 the scars carried from our struggle to break with those Port Angeles, Wash. 98362

38

First let me say that I think care and feeding are just as important as bloodlines. 50-50. But start with the best stock you can afford. 1 think it is important for people getting into goats to curb their impulse to jump right in. Look around for a long time, listen and learn. Make sure that you want to have goats. Keep in mind that they must be milked twice a day and led well. So they do tie you down and sometimes it is difficult to get away for a day or two. Will explain later how we manage it. Be damned sure you want the responsibility otherwise you oidy ruin good animals.

Travel around and look at a lot oi goats, get opinions from as many people as possible. Gab with as many breeders as you can. Take notes. Not all the stuff is going to be true or of much use, but you will build up a store of general knowledge and you will find that there are many ways of raising goats.

I prefer dealing with small breeders as they are more likely to be honest with you and will generally sell you a good animal. They may even let you milk the mother or at least see how much she gives. Make at least three trips and take your time in making your decision on a particular animal. large operations that are really in the business cull their herds rather close, so you arc unlikely to get a good animal there. I Stay Away from show goats. They have been bred for looks and con­ firmation and are really very short on production, at least in this part of the country. Most of the breeders in this neck of the woods can’t tell you in pounds how much a doe is giving. They just brush aside any men­

tion of production with the excuse that they are only interested in showing since they can’t sell the milk.

At a regional goat show, an “official show’’ last spring, I saw a three year old doe, second freshing, that really struck me. Great confirmation, beautiful animal, perfect condition. 1 stayed around for the milk out the next morning. She gave 5‘/2 pounds. Now keep in mind she had not been milked the night before and they had the nerve to ask me $275 for her. Turned out she had a large meaty udder, but no milking potential. I laughed tnv ass off. My grade does were milking between 10 and 14 pounds a day. They didn’t have her looks but they are business like in the way they produced milk. I had one old red doe, “ Big Red,” that was the ugliest goat in the world. You could just say that she was a Nubian, but I could count on 4200 pounds of milk from her in a 10 month period. I paid $40 for her.

So if you are buying a milking doe look her over carefully, don’t be overly concerned about the “perfect udder.” Look at the body. Look for well sprung ribs, and a deep body from backbone to belly. You want some space between the front legs also. This type of animal will tend to be a little coarse looking, if she is milking. She should be thin and bony looking. If she is a fat animal don’t take her. She isn’t an efficient milker. Good milkers are almost impossible to put fat on. Then look at the udder; feel it. It should be pliable, not too meaty, attached high in the back and pretty well forward. Need lots of space between those back legs to carry a good udder full of milk. Now remember, there are exceptions to all the things I have

just said. So the next best thine is to make arrange­ ments to milk her in the evening, go back and milk her in the morning and in the evening again. I will not sell a doe unless they can come and milk her at least three times. This way the buyer can see what she is giving, how she is at milking time and it gives the goat a chance to get to know the new owner, which is important. la>ok for a shiny bright coat with good life showing.

A dull coat can indicate lots of things: health problems, worms, poor feeding practices, etc. Then look at the feet carefully. They should be in good shape and the doe should stand well on the bottom of the hoof. Over­ grown hooves or long hooves take a lot of time to correct and get her back on balanced footing.

Insist on buying good production. Keep tti mind that a goat giving two quarts o f milk a day eats the same amount o f feed that one giving four to six quarts a day. At current feed prices this is very important. A

lot of the kids that come here to buy goats say “we only need a half gallon a day.” But keep this in mind, once you are “in the goat business” . . . You will want to enjoy all the benefits —milk, cream, yogurt, cottage cheese, hard cheese, ice cream. So most people will need actually about a gallon of milk a day for all their needs. They tend to think only in terms of drinking milk.

If you are buying a young doeling, look lor depth and length of body. Then take a good hard look at the rear end of the animal. Select the one that stands with her back feet well apart. Starting at the two rear hooves look at the space between the hind legs and up to just below the vagina. See this area as a large inverted V. The higher and wider the V the better chance you have

39

of getting a doeling that will develop into a fine milker.

Never judge your first freshener until her second fresh­ ening. This is especially true with Nubians. Some don’t do much the first time around, but then you arc in for some happy surprises at that second freshening.

Look at the mouth. Teeth should match up. Be careful of an over-bite or an under-bite. 1 guess the most important thing is to look a lot at as many goats as possible. Steel yourself against buying a pretty goat, or a cute acting one. You don’t want a useless pet. you want a producer. The more the better.

While you are doing all this looking around, get your goat pen together. They need a dry shed and not very much exercise space. Two milking does would only need a pen about 20’ x 30’. My shed is 6’ x 8' and three big docs use it. They sleep outside most of the time.

Only when it is raining or snowing do they go inside, or if it is really cold, -20 or something like that.

Remember they can take a lot of cold hut can’t he in a damp or wet place. Pneumonia is probably the great­ est killer of goats. A cold dry barn or shed is much better than a warm, moist one. So don’t build your shed and pen in a low spot. Select the site for good drainage. Remember they need a little shade on hot days too. Just some posts with a few boards across the top works fine. My goat shed is 4 feet high in the back and 6 feet in front, true I have to duck to go in hut it conserves the heat and sheds the snow just fine. 1 have a thi roof on it. They have good bedding in cold weather and on checking them the three will be snuggled up against each other in deep bedding on extremely cold nights. Have never had one to have Pneumonia. Most of the clear nights they sleep out­ side on some big stumps that are in the goat yard.

On building the goat fence. If you are in saw mill country you can use posts and “slabs.” If there arc dogs in the area, make the fence 5 feet high, four if you don’t have that problem. My fences are of aspen jxdes, wired to cross pieces between the posts. 1 don’t like most wire fences. The goats scratch their sides and rub against it. So pretty soon you have a loose and sagging fence, plus they stand up on the wires and break holes in it unless you get very expensive wire fencing. We have seen beautiful fences made from scrub oak poles, elm branches, etc. simply wired with baling w'ire. At any rate get your goat pen built and outfitted before you buy the goat. Lots of people think they can just tether it out, but you are just asking for heartbreak and trouble. Too many good goats have been killed or ruined by tying them on a tether.

Keep lots of clean water for them at all times. And you will just have to figure out the best feed for your area. 1 don’t feed any commercial dairy feed. It has medications in it and I sell my milk to people with allergy problems. Some of them are asthma prone, and any of the additives like antibiotics that are in dairy feeds come through in minute amounts, hut are enough to throw them into an attack. So 1 feed a mix of whole oats, cracked corn, cracked wheat (very little) and some soy meal or linseed meal (don’t use cottonseed meal).

They have free access to alfalfa pellets, all they want all the time. From March to September they get big batches of fresh-cut comfrey once a day. Would highly recommend planting comfrey for your goats. And before I forget, don’t fool around with pasture. Goats won’t graze like sheep or cattle. So lorget that. They

40 The first trip to Junction City to photograph Ted arid Dick’s goats the film didn’t feed through the camera. The second trip, the negatives got fogged somehow. The third trip, we ale ice cream and drank ginseng tea and although it rained in the morning the goats were patient, excepting the kids’ poking and humping. T&D name their goats for the rivers and flowers and trees of Oregon:

NE1IALEMTOIM W ALLOW A LOSTINE OW YHEE TRILLIUM co o s Indian paintbrush ALSEAUMPQUACAEAPOOIA NFKTUCGV SWEET GOVER COLUMBINE CHINQUAPIN WSOffiELSHOOTINGST®

41

You were very wise to get goats or other animals. will eat brush and fruit trees or trees in general, so it is better to keep them penned up and bring their food They’re friendly and funny but what a hassle. 1 would to them. They love weeds that are young and tender, like to he free of them. Two white kids of Clarity’s so the right of way on the highway can give you a lot jumper! into a garbage can of creosote and 1 wiped it off as best I could and know after taking off all my of good feed, free. Just find out what grows in your clothes and washing 1 still stink. They get in and on area that is bad for goats and avoid it.

I keep a mineral-cattle block out for the goats. It is everything. 1 would find more than enough work on a protein block. 88%. We are devoid of iron in this part the house and garden! a letter from Arbutus of the country so this supplies the iron, plus the cobalt necessary for making milk. Also provide an iron-salt block for them. So find out what your land and water is lacking and provide it. The County Ag. man should be able to provide this information.

Now, how do we manage short trips with milking does at home? First we have large water troughs. This summer they will have water piped to them with a float operated valve, assuring a constant supply of water. Second I have a 5‘/2 bushel hog feeder that supplies two weeks of pellets for them. It is all metal and weather proof, so they have their pellets available at all times. Next I don’t take the kids off the does any­ more. Most breeders will faint dead away when they see this in print. 1 shut the kids up at night in their pen with feed and water. 1 take the morning’s milk and then turn the kids out and they get the milk for the rest of the day. I simply leave the kids with the does when we are away —they do the milking. This way we can take off for an Indian Ceremonial for two or three days or make a trip to Santa Fe and take in an art show or good movie, or down to Albuquerque for shopping, the flea market and a few drinks at the only gay bar in the county. The goats do fine but are glad to see us return and get back on their grain ration and comtrey.

The neighbor family are exceptional. They look after our place, and if they want to, milk the goats on my schedule but 1 don’t have to rely on them. With high fences, a vicious dog and a secluded area plus watchful . The Redwood Dairy Goat Association (of which l neighbors we are free for little spaces that we need.

This beats the hell out of the first five years of bottle- am a member) is hosting the American Dairy Goat or pan-feeding the kids, hiring someone to milk etc., Association national convention in October 1976. It is usually a pleasant time of year in Sonoma County. It plus the kids we raise are better for having the milk.

God, you should see some of the sturdy, healthy line- would he a good time to also have a gathering of gay people who raise goats —to talk about what we have animals that are the result of this method last year.

First fresheners that most people around here won’t going for each other. One idea 1 would like to discuss is how to counter the capitalist breeders who have believe.

Started six years ago with grade does, now have all good stock hut charge outrageous prices. I am registered does but the kind that I considered “ideal,” interested in helping to breed goats that milk well, beautiful but productive. Have had only one sick goat have strong, sturdy bodies, well attached udders and live awhile. That is alot, but it would be easier to in six years so must be doing something right.

Would recommend that the gay fellows interested achieve if breeders were less competitive, if they get some of the back issues of Countryside and read worked on the premise that good gene pools should the goat section. Countryside also sells “Aids to Goat­ be used as much as possible—not restricted to the highest bidder (usually the rich elite). Maybe wc could keeping” which is pretty good. Remember you can build your own hay feeders, and sell feeders like mine. pool our resources and form a breeders’ cooperative.

Plans for the no-waste hay feeder are in the “Aids to M don’t know how it would work, or if it could work.

Goatkeeping” and all types of self-feeders in the book, Getting people to cooperate who have spent their 1001 Things to Make for the House and harm. Any whole lives competing is difficult. But it would be good sized library should he able to provide these and fun to talk about even if it doesn’t work out. There are alot of gay people with goats in fact it seems to maybe even the hack issues of Countryside. be a movement. There arc a surprising number of Will he glad to answer questions if I can or be of long-time big name goat breeders who arc gay. Why any help to beginning goat people. Would welcome don’t we talk about breeding good goals, breaking folks to stop by and look the goats over. Just write before coming. Might just have a howl of homemade capitalism and celebrate in one of the gay meccas.

Love, ice cream for you.

Beale Pat Pacheco Box 1845 Santa Rosa, California Taos, N.M. 87571

42

DOWN ON TME FtARM

Seen in the downstairs bedroom: The cat climbs through the window. A tiny shrew thrashes in its teeth. The shrew struggles loose and dashes blindly around chair legs. The cat pauses to watch, then chases, batting at the shrew. The shrew runs and runs. Screaming.

Sometimes an awful heaving loneliness wracks me. The resentment and fears we have often tried to resolve cut loose. The latch is shot. Something gives way and the terror rushes in. I fear my face. I am ugly and tedious and silly. My sexual efforts are boring.

I won’t find pictures to draw or words to write if there is ever space or time. Will I ever finish the little house? P. will find someone with whom to work and smoke and for that happiness he will leave me. I can’t finish projects and am suspicious of dope’s release. He will find someone who talks of metaphysical things. Bugs will get the flowers and the vegetables will fail again. The scarred hills are ugly. My stomach hurts. I can’t talk to P. Trapped inside myself.

43

When I can’t scream the brush can. The confusion is drawn out by the hand’s thrashing.

Jabbing, pausing, slowly wandering. Or kneeling, I bend over large sheets of newsprint and my whole body follows my hand. Drawing or painting. The tangled lines untangle what I’m afraid of. Sometimes th* tension rushes crazily from gut through heart and lungs along arm to paper. A child’s scribbling. Sometimes mind’s presence allows pictures.

44 Maybe an hour passes. My fear litters the floor and can be burned in the dying fire or folded up to be shared later. I turn out the light. Climb the stairs. Undress in the dark. In bed, my knees fit the back of P.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legs. I curve with his back. My hand covers his breast.

I feel his heart beating.

Camas

ODE TO AUBERGINE

or Vegevcrses (Dedicated toCE. Beckwith, the first true vegesexual I had the pleasure to know) Cabbage has charisma Zucchini seem quite harmless It surely can be said But can cause great distress And what it lacks in beauty Especially if you kiss them Is atoned for by its head While caressing watercress The fortitude of onions Yes tubers roots legumes and fruits Is known the world about Their virtues I will chant And the comeliness of cucumbers Though none surpass the beauty of Admired without a doubt A full firm ripe Eggplant The true finesse of lettuce Dear Eggplant fresh sweet Eggplant Could never be denied Your praises will 1 sing But tossing it with too much chive I’ll sound them with such fervor that That is vegecide They’ll cause the world to ring Some folks worship mushrooms Your lithesome look your tender feel For their esoteric force Your lusty luscious peel Still others simply eat them Arouse me so that I now know Without the least remorse You truly are surreal Rutabaga is a treat Some name you for your egg-like shape When peeled sliced and boiled Voluptuous in nature But broasted toasted or dry roasted While others will describe you And its charm is spoiled By exotic nomenclature Salsify will oft’ displease However those around the globe A culinary prude Derive your appellation Just as garlic corn and beans You’ll still remain at least for me Are sometimes labeled crude A source of inspiration There are those who choke on artichokes Oh Aubergine my Chatsilim And turn most turnips down Solanum Melongina But who is it that can resist My love for thee has given me A yam baked golden brown A purple-green patina Potatoes may be lacking So many do deride you In passion spunk or verve They eat you with dismay Yet with parsley salt and butter It’s hard for me to comprehend They are a joy to serve And to them I do say Leeks and chard and okra too AH vegetables are equal All have their saving grace Within the sight of God Despite the fact they often meet No matter what their origin A sour and wincing face From tree or seed or pod Pickles can be fickle So if you call your colewor,ts By any other name And parsnips can be bores There is no need to worry for But the lure of fresh tomatoes They still will taste the same Will delight most omnivores Greg Fillar

(vegetable prints for vegetable verse: okra, leek, celery)

read this page 46

AUTUMN COPY DEADLINE AUGUST 1 The Autumn issue of RFD will be put together in Port Angeles, Washington. If you have material you would like to share, please submit by August 1. The address is RFD, Route 3, Box 1708, Port Angeles, Washington 98362. It helps to have all copy readable so there’s not so much to retype for the typesetters.

Stories, drawings, photographs, and such can be returned if requested —it would help to include postage and return envelope. So y’all share your love after all, RFD is Us! m

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RADIANT FUNGUS DECLARATION 47

Ever since I began to live in the country, herbal lore has fascinated me, especially the knowledge of mushrooms and fungi; their variety, mystery, and transitory power. Dotting the woods, seeming to scurry along the forest floor, sometimes hiding and eluding you, sometimes appearing from behind trees to greet you and offer their gifts if you are ready to receive. Mushrooms are a source of food, of deadly poisons, and of spirit-messenger substances which can unlock inner worlds of mystery and discovery.

I have had numerous encounters with mushrooms, some beneficial and some foolish, and l hope 1 have learned from my mistakes. If I can convey either specific information or a general outlook to my fellow faggots that will assist them if they choose to receive the gifts which the mushroom messengers offer, then that is good. It is not good if people look for a cheap high, because there is so much more to be gained, and to treat the experience lightly is to court disaster. I cannot in good conscience advise anyone to experiment. It is your own decision. My knowledge is limited, and only pertains to the Southeast. Even “harmless” mushrooms can make some people sick, and the effects of “poisonous” and hallucinogenic ones can vary greatly from person to person. Overall, it has been good for me to connect with the mushrooms, but you should be clearly in touch with your own feelings and tolerance if you choose to check them out.

This article is only an introduction. Further exploration would require considerable study and prepara­ tion. Consult other sources, especially for your own region, either books or people who know the local varieties from experience. Learn to positively identify the ones you are looking for. Go out in the field with a guidebook or a knowledgeable companion, and find out. Don’t be scared off by the technical lan­ guage in some of the books, but don’t skip over it either—get the facts.

The earth offers us an infinite variety of life forms which feed us, clothe us, and even offer us visions and journeys within. To know and share the eternal knowledge of medicines from natural sources is to become part of an unbroken pattern of relationship to the ground on which we walk, and of a connection to peoples and spirits throughout time.

In the present age, we are able to combine knowledge from traditional spiritual sources with that of the modern botanists, and adding to it our own experience, develop ceremonies of cleansing, rejuvenation, and inner vision. Too much of drug experience today is individual and fragmented not undertaken in a loving circle which grounds the experience and provides a basis for interpretation. As well as being a link to the spirit and power of the planetspace we inhabit, such ceremonies could provide a link to the native inhabi­ tants of the past and present whose use of native mushrooms has kept them in touch with spiritual roots.

One of the most famous mushrooms of legend and history is the Amanita Muscaria, or Fly Agaric.

It is very striking in appearance, having a white stem, and white warts on the cap, which can vary in color from a brilliant red through gold to pale yellow. It is “poisonous,” but not deadly, and contains substances completely unrelated to psilocybin which produce a “muscarine-like” poisoning —sweating, blurred vision, upset stomach, and a sort of hallucinogenic effect.

The identity of the drug ingredients are a subject of controversy.

Praised as SOMA in the Vedic Hymns, A. Muscaria was used as an hallucinogen by ancient peoples in India, and employed by Siberian shamans to induce visions and soul travel. One book (Sacred Mushroom

by Puharich) describes how it was used by the ancient Egyptians during the age of the pyramids. It was called “the red crown plant of ascension over life.”

One fine group of mushrooms you could meet The ancients who used these must have either incor­ are the ones containing psilocybin and related com­ porated the experience into a mass religious event, or * pounds. There are at least fifteen different species were very hardy seekers of visions. To me, the un­ found north of Mexico, ranging up to Michigan and pleasant side effects and the lack of a supportive British Columbia. The most common ones I have context left me feeling worn out and not particularly found in North Carolina and Tennessee are two enlightened. I ate one and a half dried caps, rolling sister species, Panaeolus Subbalteatus and Panaeolus Foenisecii. They both grow on lawns, manure, or them into balls and swallowing them whole, which ground which has been turned, cultivated, and ferti­ lessened the upset stomach. I would want the com­ lized with manure (organic gardens). They are most pany of an experienced teacher before I would do them again. Amanitas deserve great study, and abundant in the summer and early fall. /’. Subbalimmense respect, because the genus contains several tealus is a small brown mushroom with a darker ring deadly poisonous members, and a mistake could be of color around the outer edge of the somewhat your last. irregular cap, and a thin hollow stem. P. Foenisecii

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Psilocybe Cubensis, formerly known as Stropharia Cubensis, is the legendary messenger being of the

lower South, common from Louisiana across to Florida. Growing in dried-up cow pies, they have a golden cap, white stem, dark purple-brown spores, and stain blue a little while after bruising or picking.

They are usually from two to six inches high, and up to six or eight inches across. Two or three will let you know what they are about in a powerful and organic way. They can be eaten fresh, dried, or cooked.

For storage, drying is best if you have the time, but they can be frozen or packed into jars with honey to preserve them. Related species have been used for centuries throughout the Americas by priests and medicine people, and the practice continues in Mexico and Guatemala. regular grayish-purple cap. They both have black spores, which first appear as gray specks on the gills, and when ripening, turn the gills solid black in old age.

When I ate nine or ten of these, I experienced a mellow and clear euphoria lasting two or three hours.

Yogic breathing and chanting was greatly enhanced by the effects of the mushrooms. I have eaten up to twenty-five or thirty for a stronger effect.

You can test these, or any species, for psilocybin with a solution of rnetol, a chemical available from photo supply shops. Dissolve the metol in water, mixing the solution as needed in the field. Place a piece of the mushroom in the solution, and a purple color indicates the presence of psilocybin.

Traditionally, each mushroom is regarded as a messenger being- whose influence guides an awakened perception of one’s purpose and place in our unfolding universe. Fasting and purification has has always been preparatory to meeting the messenger. The Psilocybe acts upon the respiratory system, expelling accumulations of mucous, helping the vital breath penetrate into every part. Circulation is stimulated and sluggish organs regain strength of function. Each cell is triggered to rid itself of waste deposits. Because the body organs have to deal with so many poisons and wastes at once, the after effects may include symptoms of a cold, flu, or fever.

A preparatory fresh fruit and vegetable diet and fasting should be part of any ceremony with these mushrooms. Sweat lodging is important too, and this should be done with safeguards against dehydrationkelp powder and organic salts are good. Any powerful medicine that acts to rid the cells of accumulated wastes is going to put a strain on the eliminative organs, which require organic vitamins and minerals to function properly.

Everyone should be aware that these messenger beings have much to teach and deserve respect. Follow the inner teachings, don’t just have a good (temporary) trip. The real trip begins later . . . Earth is making available her keys for the people as never before . . . there is not time to mess around anymore. See the writing in the trees.

mmmmmf Non-h lowering Plants, Shuttleworth and Zim, a Golden Nature Guide, costs $1.25.

Color Treasury o f Mushrooms and Toadstools, Tosco and Fanelli, Crescent Books, costs about $2.00.

The Mushroom Hunter’s Field Guide, Alexander II. Smith, University of Michigan Press, costs about $5.00.

A Guide to Mushrooms and Toadstools, Lange and Hora, Dutton &: Co., costs about $8.00, but worth it.

A Key to the American Psilocybin Mushroom, I^onard Enos, Church of the One Sermon, costs $5.00. It

may be out of print, but it is an unequalled reference. Order from 8135 Lincoln St., Lemon Grove, Ca.

The Sacred Mushroom Key to the Door o f Eternity, Andrija Puharich, Doubleday & Co. (paperback), costs $2.95. Psychic events involving Amanita Muscaria and its use in ancient Egypt.

Soma Divine Mushroom o f Immortality, R. Gordon Wasson, costs about $8.00 in paperback. Extensive study of Amanita Muscaria usage as described in the Vedas and other ancient writings.

Canadian Whole Earth Almanac—Healing Edition, fall, 1971. Section on Siberian use of Amanita Muscaria.

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R>r I haveIain a-Ionc in/ love, tlie moonlicjlittumbling down For I have Iain alone, my love the moonlight tumbling down And I have lain with you, my love beneath a starry crown 4 And I will dance on the burning shore and roll in with the waves Because the book is blank, my love and I must go away.

The thistle and the rose, my love the iris and the yew Have wakened to the light, my love and I must honor you

If standing in the shining air or gazing deep in the well, The water and the air do sing it is this tale to tell: for I have dreamed alone my love the moonlight tumbling down And I shall lay with you, my love beneath a starry crown.

Jackson